I always considered myself a die-hard home schooler...

[DaisyDay]

...but I have one child left at home, going into 7th grade next year and I think we'll be enrolling him in the B&M junior high next fall.

 

I should mention he's RAD. He has worn me out. I'm just fried. 

 

This is the child who will find a short cut for each assignment, lie and cheat at every opportunity and expend the absolute minimum amount of energy on every lesson. I have to repeat instructions multiple times in multiple ways or he'll find a way to split hairs, even though he knows exactly what he's supposed to do. He was just formally tested at the public school a couple of months ago and he scored very well in all areas and they found NO learning issues. He's plenty smart but you'd never know it by looking at his work.

 

He has sapped the joy out of teaching and the whole homeschooling experience. I used to be so passionate and now I'm just going through the motions.I had dreams of excellence for all of our kids and dh and I are in a position to help them achieve that. We've tried different ways to make school fun and more interesting but this kiddo doesn't want to learn. Doesn't care. Fights me every step of the way. 

 

He's gonna be the school's problem next year. I'm so done. Let them teach him how to write a research paper, do a science project and do a compare and contrast paragraph. I'm sure that going to school will open up a whole new assortment of headaches and problems for us but at this point, I just don't care.

 

Why do I feel like such a failure? I never thought I'd be bailing on something I used to feel so strongly about.

 

 

 

[Tsuga]

Well, my daughter does not have RAD but she has that personality and I sent her to school at age 2.5 when she begged for it. I had read WTM twice by that time, in anticipation of the wonderful homeschooling years ahead. I still can't help her with homework (for reasons you have mentioned--splitting hairs, freaking out, blah blah blah welcome to my life).

 

Peer pressure, while it has its downsides, has been a godsend for us. She does well because she wants to impress peers. She believes instructions not when repeated by one person, but when many people express the same thing to her. She is extremely social.

 

You did the best you could for your son and you are doing the best you can now. Homeschooling is a choice, it is a gift, but it's not a mandate.

 

Kudos to you for doing the best for your son right now.

 

Change is not defeat. Change is how we survive.  :grouphug:

[Guest]

I think most kids benefit from homeschool and most Moms can manage it.

 

Some can't and shouldn't, for a variety of circumstances and perfectly legitimate reasons. You've given this child an excellent foundation and this sounds like a needed change. I wish you both the very best!

Edited May 20, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Tanaqui]

Why do I feel like such a failure? I never thought I'd be bailing on something I used to feel so strongly about.

 

It's hard when things don't work out the way we like, but you know really that sticking with homeschooling when it's not working would be "bailing on" your kid. You're not a failure. You've just got a tough situation. You'd be a failure if you kept on and kept on and kept on with something that's not working just because you had a silly idea that your loyalty to homeschooling was more important than your responsibility to your kid. But you're not doing that, so you're not a failure in any way, shape, or form.

 

[mamiof5]

You are not a failure. Homeschooling is not working, it's time to try something different. Also, it's not a permanent decision...non of us can predict the future. I really wish him the best, but what if he doesn't care for regular school? What if he asks to come back home? It could be a possibility...or not? No one knows... only time will tell.

[G5052]

I do get that sometimes you need to become "just a mom" and send them to the classroom. Several of my friends felt they needed that with their middle-grade kids, and it went very, very well. 

 

Homeschooling teens is not as easy as people think. I always heard the "get them motivated and they'll teach themselves" talk with doubt. Both of mine have had rough patches that way. One of mine barely got a "D" in math one year, and then an "A" the next because we outsourced to someone better than me with teaching math. A class was motivating too; good old mom, not so much.

[Ottakee]

I get it. It is hard. Last night iet with the "good moms"....a group of 4 of us adoptive mom who met at a RAD support group 16 years ago. We talked about how our parenting wasn't our ideal of parenting but in the ideal situation we would not have kids that had suffered so much trauma.

 

Sometimes outsourcing some things can be a good thing and allow you to just be the mom. Parenting these kids can be exhausting.

[Snickerdoodle]

It's just that change is hard, especially when it's something that you feel is part of your identity.    Instead of feeling like you've gone against your identity and principles, acknowledge that you are exploring and expanding on parts of it that you didn't consider before.   Sending him to school is a valid choice.      Start thinking now too, what you might like to be doing now that he will be in school.  Is there a hobby or work that you are interested in pursuing?

 

 

 

I used to be so passionate and now I'm just going through the motions.I had dreams of excellence for all of our kids and dh and I are in a position to help them achieve that.

Why do I feel like such a failure? I never thought I'd be bailing on something I used to feel so strongly about.

 

 

 

Edited May 20, 2016 by Snickerdoodle

[PrincessMommy]

You are not a faillure.  wash, rinse, repeat.

 

I homeschooled 3 kids all the way through and 3 kids ended up in B&M schools for various reasons. 

 

When I put the first one into a private school, when she was 14, I also had feelings of failure.  But, it turned out to be the best thing to do for her and for our relationship.   I never regretted doing it after that.   It made it easier when the next child asked to go to private high school.  After that I decided to put our youngest in school.  He was in 3/4 grade at the time and I didn't want to homeschool an only.

 

Sure, I missed my kids while they were gone. I liked being with my children, but I didn't miss homeschooling.  After 19yrs of schooling my kids I was also fried, and I didn't have a RAD child either (just various learning issues).

 

hugs and good luck with whichever path you choose.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

You aren't a failure.  I hope that works out well for the both of you.

 

 

[nd293]

Well, my daughter does not have RAD but she has that personality and I sent her to school at age 2.5 when she begged for it. I had read WTM twice by that time, in anticipation of the wonderful homeschooling years ahead.

That's so funny, as it's exactly what happened here. I had read the WTM and I clearly remember her rolling around the floor of the car having a tantrum one day at that age because she wanted to go to school. The child had never been to a school, and knew no one at school but she loved watching the BBC show The Tweenies. And she had Strong Opinions.

 

I've come to realise that there's no one size fits all in education, nor one size fits for always. She did Montessory preschool because I needed it. She did international school because there was no welcoming homeschool community where we lived as expats. She homeschooled because that was always my dream and it provided stability as we established a life in a new country. She went to Montessori school when I couldn't mesh her growing academic needs with the social needs of a toddler. And for the last 4 months she's been in extension classes at a Christian school where, despite the fact that this atheist may have insisted "over my dead body" at various time, she is excelling and I continue to exhibit signs of life.

 

I still believe in homeschooling, but I believe in my kids more. I believe in their unique needs and abilities and their resilience. And I believe in myself and in the need to nurture my own needs and acknowledge where my own expectations and desires are not in my children's best interests.

 

So to the OP, this is not a failure, this is growth, and change. And that's ok. I hope your son finds a place that suits him.

[Angie in VA]

I still believe in homeschooling, but I believe in my kids more. I believe in their unique needs and abilities and their resilience. And I believe in myself and in the need to nurture my own needs and acknowledge where my own expectations and desires are not in my children's best interests.

 

So to the OP, this is not a failure, this is growth, and change. And that's ok. I hope your son finds a place that suits him.

 

Well said!!!  :hurray:

[TammyS]

...but I have one child left at home, going into 7th grade next year and I think we'll be enrolling him in the B&M junior high next fall.

 

I should mention he's RAD. He has worn me out. I'm just fried. 

 

 

I felt this way at that age with my son, who is not RAD.  I think it's the age.  I really do.  My son exhibited every thing that you are talking about.  I didn't send him to school, but I would have if there were acceptable choices nearby.  If I had to do it over, to be honest, I would have declared us unschoolers between the ages of 12-14, and just sent him fishing every day with a copy of Tom Sawyer in his tackle box.  The school work we got done those years was so small compared the the toll it took on me that it totally wasn't worth it.  And now that he's graduating this year, I can look back and see that he would have been fine.

 

:grouphug:   It's not you.  It's him.  This is a hard, hard age. 

[Valley Girl]

It's hard when things don't work out the way we like, but you know really that sticking with homeschooling when it's not working would be "bailing on" your kid. You're not a failure. You've just got a tough situation. You'd be a failure if you kept on and kept on and kept on with something that's not working just because you had a silly idea that your loyalty to homeschooling was more important than your responsibility to your kid. But you're not doing that, so you're not a failure in any way, shape, or form.

 

Well said.

 

My two cents: You are NOT a failure. It takes a certain amount of courage to recognize that a situation is not working, especially when one is so invested in it. Different children need different things. You're a good parent because you recognize that homeschooling is not the best situation for this particular child. You're a good parent because you're putting what's best for that child above your own vision. You're a good parent because you'll be there to help smooth out the rough spots in the transition and any challenges that come up. Some children THRIVE in a competitive, public-school environment. (One of mine does. I'm thrilled for him and his success.) I'm betting yours will, too. It's OK to "just" be Mom.

[Pronghorn]

Parenting a kid with RAD is hard, and the preteen/teenage years can get even harder. You are doing what is best, and this may help your relationship with your child. Give yourself a pat on the back for being a great mom and continue being the awesome mom that you've always been.

[Cinder]

I do get that sometimes you need to become "just a mom" and send them to the classroom. Several of my friends felt they needed that with their middle-grade kids, and it went very, very well.

 

This was our situation with ds1--he needed me to be just the mom. As his teacher he felt like I was his adversary. He couldn't see that I wanted to help him learn and do his best. It wasn't always that way, though. When he was elementary-aged homeschooling was easy and even fun. Around  middle-school age is when things changed but it took me a couple years to figure it out. We sent him off to private school for 9th. He didn't like it, but our relationship improved a lot and it was worth it.

 

:grouphug:  Hugs to you, OP! Don't feel bad about choosing what's best for the whole family, including yourself.  :grouphug:

[NorthwestMom]

 

 

Change is not defeat. Change is how we survive.  :grouphug:

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

This is SO wise.

[KrissiK]

You are not a failure. My oldest was very very difficult to homeschool, too. A lot of the same issues you mentioned with your child. Plus, the attitude of, "if I don't want to do it, I shouldn't have to," which is basically how he lives his entire life. He was affecting my mental/emotional health and I still had 3 other kids I was trying to educate as well. So, this year (7th grade, seems like there's theme here) we sent him to parochial school. Best decision we ever made. It was an adjustment for him, to be sure, but he seems to be doing ok. His grades aren't great and helping him with his homework has been rough, but it's been good. It's difficult when you see other people have wonderful homeschooling experiences and think, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I teach my own kid?"

[Tap]

My two older kids were homeschooled for 6 years each.  

 

DS21 left home school for an SMT magnet, and then early college.  It was the best decision for him.

DD17 left home school for a great little private school, and eventually public school.  It was the best decision for her.

 

Even before officially homeschooling, I had taught them both to read and science just kind of happened at our house. My kids grew up with a full library full of books.

 

 

DD9 will never be home schooled, I never read to her, and we don't do science.  It is very against who we are as a family.  It is against all my parenting instincts.  It is against what I think most kids need.  She is RAD, on the Autism spectrum and has extreme behavior issues. She is not the traditional student.  There is absolutely no way that I would try to home school her.  She needs to be in a traditional environment, where there are multiple teachers who can deal with her. She needs extra supports.  She needs to be able to come home at night and leave the school day behind her. 

 

It is hard for me to be totally hands off in her education, but I just can't do it. If she were my first, I would have never started home schooling.  I have to remind my self that special needs education, including behavior supported students, have an entire TEAM of people working with the student.  And the student moves on from teacher to teacher most years. PTSD in care takers is a very real thing and it is immensely harmful to keep yourself in that environment, especially when there is another place that can be safe for the student. 

 

Education is about wayyy more than finishing a book or having a great math curriculum.  Most home schoolers are able to customize their education for the student to maximize the benefits of learning. For some students, that is great and they are able to catapult the student off into university with a great foundation. Those students learn naturally how to be a student.  They figure out social cues.  They decide to be productive, so they can have more free time.  The use school as a tool for life.  But not all kids need that style of education.  Even in school districts there is a push to teach kids more social justice and how to have integrity, values and a moral compass. They are figuring out that many kids need to be taught these skills, they aren't all learned naturally. I think that for kids like ours, with learning issues or RAD, or just in general the kids who don't learn social cues naturally, being in a school environment can be great. The academics may leave a little to be desired, but they are learning so much more.  Maybe they won't come out of school having read and discussed great classic literature, but I have to say I would trade that for my daughter learning to just sit down, do her work, and move on with her day.  That single skill will get her much, much farther in life that reading and discussing classic literature and a challenging math curriculum.  If she has a career that utilizes math, she will take math in college. It may be a bit more difficult since she won't have a great foundation, but she will be right there with all the other public schooled kids!  But hopefully, she will be able to sit and do the work (maybe with a tutor) and just move on with her day....just like 95% of the other college students around her.

 

If you decide to let him go to school next year, remember that you are modifying you dream to best meet his and your needs. You have fought for years to give him the very best and that foundation will always be there.  Him having the best can not cost you, your sanity. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

Edited May 20, 2016 by Tap

[heartlikealion]

I read this from this angle... "you made it all the way through sixth grade?!" Pat yourself on the back.

 

I told dh last night that even if it comes down to the second vehicle vs. private school, I think we have to do private school this coming year. Ds and I don't have a very healthy relationship right now and I feel like every day is a battle. We haven't even gotten half as far as you.

[Anne in CA]

My oldest probably was very mild RAD and she drove me NUTS because she had no interest in learning anything. It really hasn't changed. She went to college to live in the dorms, got in trouble for plagiarizing, dropped out. I did home school her because she would not learn anything in school, at least at home I could withhold basic privileges until a certain amount of learning was done. I made it four years before I sent her back to high school. At that point I had two younger kids I wanted to home school and she was going to discourage them from learning anything. She graduated without learning much of anything, but there is only so much of a battle of wills that any two people can endure. She is 27 and making small improvements now. In the last year she has started taking more responsibility for her life than I ever thought she would. She needed to live in the "real world" long enough to understand some of the rules.

 

All that to say your child probably needs to test limits as a way of life. That is what my oldest always did. Any kind thing that was done for her was immediately met with, "how can I get more from this situation?" It is a way of thinking that was wired into her brain before she came to me. The system of school may be more helpful to help the your child run into the end of this game.

[DaisyDay]

Wow! Thanks for all the support. It's good to know I'm not alone in this situation.

 

The general theme on all of these responses has been "change is good and sometimes necessary" and "It's ok to just be mom" and I needed that validation.

 

I've gone from saying, "My children will never go to public school!" to "I can't wait to see him get on that school bus." Now that's certainly a 180!

 

As some posters mentioned, enrolling their child in school actually helped or saved their relationship with their child. I'm hoping that will be the case here. Something has to give.

[luckymom]

I could have written your exact post.  I tried and tried with ds.  I gave up in 6th grade and sent him to school.  THAT school did not help.  But, we switched in  7th and it's a whole new world.  He is happy and motivated and so much better than at home. Ultimately, I wanted us to have a relationship that was more than a battle over homeschool and work.  He doesn't give the school a hard time and we get to enjoy each other's company more.  (I never even ask about homework as that sets us back a year in a split second).

[Sara in AZ]

I read this from this angle... "you made it all the way through sixth grade?!" Pat yourself on the back.

.

 

Yes, this! I put my oldest DD (13) in school this last Jan. It was really hard letting go of my identity as a homeschooler of that child and the things I'd hoped we could have done together. I did feel like a failure for a while because so many other people seem to manage homeschooling through high school. But eventually, as I watched her thrive, I focused on being grateful for all that time we had together and feeling proud of myself and her that all our hard work got her to the point that she could enter a rigorous charter school midway through the year and do just fine academically. So pat yourself on the back, and after you finish crying, enjoy the newfound time you'll have during the day!

[laughing lioness]

"Weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have." 

 

You are not a failure. You are re-calibrating. That's what functional, successful people do. 

[ktgrok]

"Weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have." 

 

You are not a failure. You are re-calibrating. That's what functional, successful people do. 

 

I needed to hear this, thank you. My oldest is so difficult, and neither public school nor homeschool has worked. He does like his college classes (dual enrolled) and has done okay...he got B's in classes he could have easily gotten A's in, but at least he did something! He still has barely done anything for me this year. I'm about ready to let him drop a subject, finish the others, and take an extra class at the college sometime before he graduates. Or something. I'm just so freaking done with fighting with him. 

 

People say "Oh, just take away what they like until they do it." Not realizes that creates 20 new problems and a household atmosphere that is untenable for everyone else. 

[DaisyDay]

"Weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have."

 

You are not a failure. You are re-calibrating. That's what functional, successful people do.

Thank you! Really. :-)

[DaisyDay]

People say "Oh, just take away what they like until they do it." Not realizes that creates 20 new problems and a household atmosphere that is untenable for everyone else.

This is our family right now. My son's difficult behaviors are not limited to school. He has actually made his 18 y/o brother cry. He keeps everyone in the family at least mildly irritated with him at all times. He is the source of the majority of the stress in our home and is even able to cause arguments between other family members. I've seen it happen.

[Tsuga]

Liked because I (kind of, in a tangential way) get it, not because it makes me happy. Though I'm happy you have found those who have had similar experiences.

[Hyacinth]

Does anyone know where the OP can find the talk where SWB discusses this? It was maybe someone else's podcast where she was a guest? Regardless, even the woman who literally wrote the book on homeschooling thinks that B&M options (or other alternatives) are absolutely worth exploring and pursuing with some kids at some points.

 

 

[73349]

Does anyone know where the OP can find the talk where SWB discusses this? It was maybe someone else's podcast where she was a guest? Regardless, even the woman who literally wrote the book on homeschooling thinks that B&M options (or other alternatives) are absolutely worth exploring and pursuing with some kids at some points.

 

I believe she has declined to record that one because it's personal, but yes, I've heard her say that for some kids (including, in retrospect, one in her family), it would be better to forgo homeschooling and preserve the relationships.

[Joyofsixreboot]

You are not a failure!!!

My children did not read my life script or care to take part😉 I envisioned awesome high school years but they never made good homeschooled friends or had any social life to speak of. They flat out have tried high school this year and loved it and excelled and made friends. Now my 7 th grader wants to go. Roll with it. You are doing the time honored mother role of doing what is best for your kid, not what you want.

[redsquirrel]

Well, the thing with sending him to public school, is that he is still going to do all those things. You will still have to deal with it in one way or another, but you WILL get a break.  And that can be 100% worth it.

 

You are not a failure, you are looking for ways to meet your son's needs and stay sane.  If a parent told you that his kid was flailing in public school and so he was quitting his job and trying homeschooling, you would say he was a failure, would you? No, he'd be making some radical changes for his family to meet his kids educational needs. You are doing the same thing. How is that failure?

 

Not every educational setting works for every kid. We say that all the time here.  It gets cheers when a kid goes from public school to home, but it also works in the other direction. And that's ok.

 

Hey, I see a few homeschooling families around here who are so obviously not meeting their kids needs, it would make you cry. They put their ideology over reality so they can claim some non-existent higher ground as homeschoolers. But, part of being a successful parent, heck, being a successful person, means having the ability to make a cold eyed assessment of what is actually happening in your world and acknowledging that something has to change.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I too had to send my oldest off to school in 6th grade - I could be his mom or his teacher but not both.  I don't think there was a single day that by 9 am my poor husband didn't get a text that said "ugh" or "I can't do this" or "when are you coming home".

 

You are not a failure.  I think it takes great courage to let go of strong convictions and do something different.

 

 

[GoodGrief]

Having him in school will give you time to focus on his non-academic needs (well, I suspect you will still need to be involved in the academics, but you know what I mean), and it sounds like he is a kid who will require lots from you. Public school may or may not work out, but it's worth a try, for sure!

[KrissiK]

This is our family right now. My son's difficult behaviors are not limited to school. He has actually made his 18 y/o brother cry. He keeps everyone in the family at least mildly irritated with him at all times. He is the source of the majority of the stress in our home and is even able to cause arguments between other family members. I've seen it happen.

No, wait....that's my kid! ;) I'm glad I'm not the only one with a child like that!

 

Actually,being in school has been really good for him. They grade for conduct and he's getting an A in conduct and he got Student of the Month for April. I think that the stakes are higher in a school setting for being obnoxious and causing conflict. In a family, a child will always be loved. No matter what. But amongst peers.... it's different. And that worked for my kid.

Edited May 21, 2016 by KrissiK

[fairfarmhand]

I needed to hear this, thank you. My oldest is so difficult, and neither public school nor homeschool has worked. He does like his college classes (dual enrolled) and has done okay...he got B's in classes he could have easily gotten A's in, but at least he did something! He still has barely done anything for me this year. I'm about ready to let him drop a subject, finish the others, and take an extra class at the college sometime before he graduates. Or something. I'm just so freaking done with fighting with him. 

 

People say "Oh, just take away what they like until they do it." Not realizes that creates 20 new problems and a household atmosphere that is untenable for everyone else. 

 

Don;t you just love it when people of less hard children give advice.

 

Parenting is so not for wimps.

[KrissiK]

Don;t you just love it when people of less hard children give advice.

 

Parenting is so not for wimps.

I have learned, in my years of parenting my extremely difficult child that the only people who truly know what I am going through, don't give advice. Because they have been there and they know ..... They just know. And they know that there is no advice. And they know, because they have been through all the parenting books, too, and listened to all the lectures and seminars and therapists and done everything they can think of but nothing works. And so the people who truly understand only sympathize and say, "I know, I'm there!"

[ktgrok]

I have learned, in my years of parenting my extremely difficult child that the only people who truly know what I am going through, don't give advice. Because they have been there and they know ..... They just know. And they know that there is no advice. And they know, because they have been through all the parenting books, too, and listened to all the lectures and seminars and therapists and done everything they can think of but nothing works. And so the people who truly understand only sympathize and say, "I know, I'm there!"

Exactly. 

 

I have to say, I'm so grateful to my other children, who are "typical" because at least after a battle with the oldest, when I feel like a failure, I can look at them and see that it isn't me, it's just that my oldest is who he is. I am not a bad mom I just have a hard kid. Who, when I'm being analytical and not emotional, I can acknowledge is a good person. He's just a really hard person to parent. I feel like when he is in his twenties and not living here he and I will be good friends. We just have to survive until then. 

[Guest]

Neither of my now-adult children wanted to homeschool for high school.

 

It hurts.

 

Be gentle with yourself. Don't rush into job/career stuff. I wound up having to go from creative cool homeschooling on a budget mom to incompetent naive clueless minimum wage toilet scrubber overnight. I don't recommend that.

 

Linda Dobson scraped me up off the floor before Ken died and she dropped off the face of the homeschooling earth. She said something along the lines of how many of us do not "go the distance" or "make it to the finish line", but that we are not failures. She advised me to buy a new dress that I loved to wear to my son's public high school graduation, hand someone my camera and ask them to take a picture of us together, smile proudly, and say, "I homeschooled him until he was 14!"

 

It was excellent advice so I am passing it along to you.

 

I hope that you are able to throw yourself a retirement party and celebrate how hard you have worked to give your son the best education you could, how lucky he is to have you, and then get some much needed rest, recuperation, and regrouping time.

 

Please stay on the forums if it doesn't make you too sad. You have so much to offer the new crop of homeschoolers who are just beginning the journey, as do all retired professionals.

 

Please stay in touch with your former coworkers, just as my father did when he retired from his IT job and my mother did when she retired from journalism. They enjoy their shared memories so much and I'm sure you will too.

 

I don't know if you are a Christian and I know that I'm not, so I can't quote verse and chapter number, but IIRC, there is something in scripture that says, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

 

I think it is relevant.

 

((((((((((((((((DaisyDay)))))))))))))))))))))

Edited May 21, 2016 by Guest

[heartlikealion]

Don;t you just love it when people of less hard children give advice.

 

Parenting is so not for wimps.

 

This should be a bumper sticker or something lol

 

[KrissiK]

Exactly.

 

I have to say, I'm so grateful to my other children, who are "typical" because at least after a battle with the oldest, when I feel like a failure, I can look at them and see that it isn't me, it's just that my oldest is who he is. I am not a bad mom I just have a hard kid. Who, when I'm being analytical and not emotional, I can acknowledge is a good person. He's just a really hard person to parent. I feel like when he is in his twenties and not living here he and I will be good friends. We just have to survive until then.

See, it took me a while to figure this out, but it saved my life. I used to cry myself to sleep because I felt like such an awful failure as a mom. And then my own mom said, "but look at your other kids. They're doing great! They're good kids and you're doing a good job with them! He's the problem!" And then I realized she was right. Not that I don't have plenty of room for improvement where this child is concerned, but it gave me a realistic perspective on the whole situation. And I just do the best I can!

[RootAnn]

This is our family right now. My son's difficult behaviors are not limited to school. He has actually made his 18 y/o brother cry. He keeps everyone in the family at least mildly irritated with him at all times. He is the source of the majority of the stress in our home and is even able to cause arguments between other family members. I've seen it happen.

 I have one of these. We're trying one more year at home with a lot of outsourced subjects. I'm hoping that will be enough. However, the problem isn't just school - it is being in the house bugging everyone else. A different teacher isn't going to fix that. And, unfortunately, ours isn't an age thing. This has been true of this child at every age.

 

Don;t you just love it when people of less hard children give advice.

 

Parenting is so not for wimps.

 

:iagree:  Your (I think it was you) Ramona talk last summer was amazing. It helped me so much to see the good in my difficult child all through this year when the not-so-good was in front of me every day. Thank you. It is so helpful to hear from others who are in the trenches with challenging kids.

[DaisyDay]

And, unfortunately, ours isn't an age thing. This has been true of this child at every age.

 

 

Exactly. Here too. He joined our family 6 years ago and the only thing about his annoying behavior that's changed from one year to the next is that he's gotten better at it.

[Anne in CA]

One thing that happened with my oldest is that she got much more stealthy about pitting family members against each other. I really would like to trust her, but she uses trust against me. She is finally taking responsibility for her life in ways I never thought she would, which is exciting, but I don't know if she will ever be the sort of person who should have her own family. And that is very sad.

[OneStepAtATime]

Huge hugs to all who are trying to parent their challenging child.  I know we love them or we wouldn't try so hard and care so much, but I do wish they came with a better child rearing manual.  It might make the process a tad easier...

Edited May 22, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[Entropymama]

Neither of my now-adult children wanted to homeschool for high school.

 

It hurts.

 

Be gentle with yourself. Don't rush into job/career stuff. I wound up having to go from creative cool homeschooling on a budget mom to incompetent naive clueless minimum wage toilet scrubber overnight. I don't recommend that.

 

Linda Dobson scraped me up off the floor before Ken died and she dropped off the face of the homeschooling earth. She said something along the lines of how many of us do not "go the distance" or "make it to the finish line", but that we are not failures. She advised me to buy a new dress that I loved to wear to my son's public high school graduation, hand someone my camera and ask them to take a picture of us together, smile proudly, and say, "I homeschooled him until he was 14!"

 

It was excellent advice so I am passing it along to you.

 

I hope that you are able to throw yourself a retirement party and celebrate how hard you have worked to give your son the best education you could, how lucky he is to have you, and then get some much needed rest, recuperation, and regrouping time.

 

Please stay on the forums if it doesn't make you too sad. You have so much to offer the new crop of homeschoolers who are just beginning the journey, as do all retired professionals.

 

Please stay in touch with your former coworkers, just as my father did when he retired from his IT job and my mother did when she retired from journalism. They enjoy their shared memories so much and I'm sure you will too.

 

I don't know if you are a Christian and I know that I'm not, so I can't quote verse and chapter number, but IIRC, there is something in scripture that says, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

 

I think it is relevant.

 

((((((((((((((((DaisyDay)))))))))))))))))))))

 

 

I love this, I love this, I love this. I'm going to print it out and put it on my fridge. 

 

We got the news Friday that my all four of my middle kids got into the classical charter school here, and my oldest is going to public high school. I am alternately crushed and elated. I know I need a break. We all need a break. But my visions of happy happy homeschool are dying and I am so sad. 

 

I do hope to bring the younger ones back next year, but I'm done planning that far ahead. One season at a time. 

[heartlikealion]

I love this, I love this, I love this. I'm going to print it out and put it on my fridge. 

 

We got the news Friday that my all four of my middle kids got into the classical charter school here, and my oldest is going to public high school. I am alternately crushed and elated. I know I need a break. We all need a break. But my visions of happy happy homeschool are dying and I am so sad. 

 

I do hope to bring the younger ones back next year, but I'm done planning that far ahead. One season at a time. 

 

Yes. This is what I'm telling dh who is worrying about things two school years from now.

[1GirlTwinBoys]

This may be what is best for your family so don't go into it with a negative attitude.  It may work out wonderfully and he will excel in ways he just can't/won't at home.  

 

My 3 children just had their first year in PS.  My boys just finished 6th and my daughter finished 7th grade.  They LOVED it and did really great.  I actually just went to an awards ceremony last week where  my boys received awards for what they accomplished this year.  

 

It was a really great experience for us.  Their last day was Friday and they're ready for a summer break but were also a little sad about it being over.

 

I live in one of the top school districts for our state so that does make a difference for sure.  Granted I would have preferred them not to learn some of the things they did from the other students,  :huh: but academically it was a very good experience for us.

Edited May 23, 2016 by 1GirlTwinBoys

[Storygirl]

We just got the call today that DD14 has been accepted into the high school that she applied to. She was my only one remaining at home, since the other three started school last fall.

 

It's bittersweet. I know that we are doing what is right for our family, but it hurts my heart. Homeschooling the other three was very hard (we have multiple learning challenges in the mix, as well as ADHD); I needed a team to help me, and it was the right choice to put them in school. They have done well this year -- only one more day to go! I was planning to homeschool my oldest through high school, but she requested to go to school in the fall, and I know it will be good for her.

 

It's really tough to let go of the homeschooling dream, even when the experience has not been so dreamy.