Poll! What is your disposition type?

[sheryl]

I'm referring to "you" during most of the day.  A typical day.  Not winning a million bucks that would cause you to act differently.

 

Most of my friends have "personality".  I prefer that.  It's hard for me to "relate" to stick in the mud types.  There is a woman in our homeschooling circle and she's as dry as a desert.   Sorry to say I try to avoid her.

 

Me?  I like to express my joy.  I'll smile and laugh in conversation - genuinely.  Not, a fake laugh.

 

OK, give me a break.  This sounds scattered but it's late.  LOL!

[Guest]

I'm an introvert, but fairly socially adept and very animated. I always have been, and liked things like theater, public speaking, singing, etc. It's not how I recharge or my favorite leisure, but I have a warm, bright, fairly demonstrative disposition.

 

Nothing really reserved about any part of my but my opinions on people and hot topic subjects. I'm discreet and private, but I don't think people peg me for that initially because I'm easygoing and talkative.

 

One of my best friends in college has a very reserved disposition, as does my spouse. Some think they're snobby, aloof, or quiet/introverted. That's not the case, but they're not gregarious or excitable in groups of people they don't know well and they're not the first people jumping into the pool, so to speak. They hang back and observe longer and keep their cards and social noises to themselves much longer than me.

Edited March 22, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Guest]

I'm pretty animated, though I am an introvert. I laugh easily, though I hope not too loudly or too often, because I think that can be really irritating, too.

[creekland]

We love to joke and laugh or offer hugs IRL, but I'm not one to get super stressed over anything or react quickly/openly to most news events.

 

I'm not really sure how to answer your poll.  I'm more reserved with news - esp bad news or "change" news - but I definitely enjoy sharing in everyday laughter.   :coolgleamA:

[oneangelwaiting]

I think I'm a stick in the mud! I am quiet and calm (on the surface anyway). I don't get worked up about things, I'm pretty private overall. On the introvert-extrovert scale I'm way on the introvert side. Zero extrovert genes over here.

 

I've been thinking a lot lately about how people perceive me and it's really frustrating to be painted into a box because of how I (unintentionally) act in a group setting where I feel overwhelmed (homeschool group, church, etc.) I'm super nice, have a good sense of humor, I have lots of hobbies I love, I care for people deeply, but I just have a hard time socializing in groups. Especially groups where I'm trying to keep track of 5 kids while simultaneously holding a conversation with an adult who probably thinks I'm not paying attention to her. It sucks that that's an automatic black mark against me.

[Mom22ns]

I'm pretty animated, though I am an introvert. I laugh easily, though I hope not too loudly or too often, because I think that can be really irritating, too.

 

This. This exactly.

[KungFuPanda]

I have a pretty wide emotional range.  I can be joyous or reserved depending upon the situation.  I'm not an emotional loose cannon, nor am I stifled.  I had to vote Other because it really depends upon the situation and who I'm with.  I can enjoy quiet moments with people, so I appreciate my calm friends as much as my animated ones.  I like the variety!

Edited March 22, 2016 by KungFuPanda

[6packofun]

Smart alek?  I really try not to be but there is just too much material out there.

 

(My real answer is "reserved" in combination with the above.  :P )

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I'm a bit confused about the choices, reserved or expressed joy.  Do you mean reserved joy vs expressed joy? I don't think being reserved is the equivalent of not expressing joy.

 

I'm working on expressing more positive emotion. I experience positive emotions but have difficulty expressing them. I don't feel that not expressing positive emotion means I'm a stick in the mud.  I have a sense of humor and love jokes and have some wit.  I'm ready to have a good time and love to experience new things.

[SKL]

I tend to be reserved, in a British humor sort of way.  I don't think I'm terribly boring, but I could be wrong.  :P

 

I was going to click "other" and say "menopausal," but I thought that might be too scary....

[Paige]

I guess I'm reserved, but I dislike that the poll makes it seem incompatible with expressing joy. I express joy, but perhaps not the way you'd like to see it? I tend to smile rather than loudly laugh. I don't have a fake laugh. My personality is quieter, but it doesn't mean it's lacking. I joke around with people but tend to keep it quiet and avoid being the center of attention. I am actually fine with being the center of attention when it's appropriate; but I don't often see the need. I don't have social anxiety or anything like that and public speaking is definitely a strength of mine. 

 

I guess I'm feeling judged by your choices even though it's obviously not directed at me. Maybe the mom in your group is shy or has issues that you don't know about. Unless she's really depressed, she surely expresses joy in her own way. I feel I could reverse the choices with something like, are you reserved in public or are you a drama queen? You'd likely protest that while you don't call yourself reserved, you certainly aren't a drama queen.

Edited March 22, 2016 by Paige

[SparklyUnicorn]

Something along the lines of Grumpy Cat.

 

But my bark is worse than my bite.  Or in this case "loud meow". 

 

 

[heartlikealion]

When you first meet me I may be quiet. When you know me, I might talk too much.

 

I asked dh. He said cranky :lol: 

[fraidycat]

I'm definitely NOT reserved/shy/quiet/introverted. And have never been mistaken as such. :)

 

I'm loud, blunt, and at times boisterous, and enjoy having fun. However, I don't "emote" in a dramatic way - good or bad. I express joy - but I refuse to gush or carry on. I'm also the one who will go completely dead calm - almost detached "in the storm" of an emergency and deal with whatever needs to be dealt with and feel emotion later, when I have time to deal with emotions. Some "emoters" panic and crumble into a heaping pile of emotional uselessness at times like that.

 

One other thing, though. I have BRF. If I'm not actively engaged in conversation or enjoyment, or conciously making an effort to keep my face neutral, I do appear angry. I'm not. I apparently just scowl when I think. I think a lot. Hence, BRF. If someone doesn't know this about me, I might appear as a stick in the mud if I'm distracted by thoughts. Even my kids and DH regularly ask what's wrong or if I'm angry and they know me quite well. LOL

[Pawz4me]

I voted Other, because three choices aren't anywhere enough to accurately label a personality, I don't think.

 

I'm an introvert who, given a choice, will probably always choose either time alone or with just a handful of family or close friends.  But I have no trouble at all interacting with strangers and can be quite animated, funny and outgoing.  It tires me out tremendously, though.  I guess I really don't get the difference between "reserved" and "expressed joy."  I'm reserved with strangers in that I'm not going to open up and start sharing any personal info with one right off the bat.  But that doesn't mean that I can't or don't clearly present myself with humor and joy about non-personal things.  As Paige said, your choices could be taken as a bit offensive, as you seem to be saying that everyone should express joy the way you do.  I admit that I sometimes try to avoid people who are too "on" (too loud, too talkative, etc.).  Being around people like that totally saps my energy, and sometimes I don't have any to spare.

[DawnM]

Totally depends on a whole host of factors.  In social groups I feel comfortable and enjoy, I am very talkative, expressive, and fun.  In groups I don't feel as comfortable, or I don't really like being in, I don't say much.  People can think whatever they want.  If you are going to judge without getting to know me, I don't need to perform or try to prove you wrong.

[marbel]

I voted other because as far as I can tell from the poll and the OP, "reserved" = "stick in the mud," "dry as a desert" which I read as very negative. 

 

I am not a loud effusive person most of the time.  I am an introvert and shy but I will reach out to people, and people seem to reach out to me.  As Dawn said, when I am with people I know, I'm talkative, laugh, have fun. 

 

ETA: all my life I watched my super extrovert sister be loud, effusive, always needing to be center of attention.  I can't help but think that affected me and perhaps helped make me quieter (though I'm sure that is inborn personality trait too).  There are extremes on both ends.  :-)

 

 

 

Edited March 22, 2016 by marbel

[Joyofsixreboot]

I am extremely animated. Probably too much. I actually do much better with a group to talk to than just one person. I don't, however, express " deep" thoughts to people I don't know well. I like to keep things light. Not fake but not air my personal problems if you KWIM.

[Runningmom80]

I'm loud. 😂

[HelenNotOfTroy]

When you first meet me I may be quiet. When you know me, I might talk too much.

 

I asked dh. He said cranky :lol:

 

this is me, too

[OneStepAtATime]

I agree with up thread, those are not nearly enough choices to really clarify a personality and I honestly find the tone pretty negative towards introverts and those who are shy, but maybe I am reading more into than is really there.  I'm sure this is supposed to be a fun thread.  I certainly don't want to spoil that for anyone.  I thought I would clarify a few things, though, because I feel like it :lol: :

 

1.  Introverted is not the same as shy, although you can be both.

2.  You can be a shy extrovert.  You can also be an introvert who is not shy.

3.   I do not equate introverted or shy with being a stick in the mud.  My mother, daughter and husband are all introverts.  They are not sticks in the mud.  They do express joy and they can be quite funny.  They are also more reserved and being around people for extended periods of time can be draining for them.  I do not see that as a negative, just as a different way of being from who I am (extrovert).

 

And yes, I express joy, too, just like the introverted members of my family.  I just tend to be more verbal and physical about it.  :)

[Hyacinth]

There's a chance that the stick-in-the-mud, desert-dry, quiet mom you avoid sees you as a shallow, overly effusive attention seeker who doesn't care about getting to know people.

 

You both could be very wrong about each other.

Edited March 22, 2016 by Hyacinth

[importswim]

Arctic Mama, on 21 Mar 2016 - 9:05 PM, said:

I'm an introvert, but fairly socially adept and very animated. I always have been, and liked things like theater, public speaking, singing, etc. It's not how I recharge or my favorite leisure, but I have a warm, bright, fairly demonstrative disposition.

 

Nothing really reserved about any part of my but my opinions on people and hot topic subjects. I'm discreet and private, but I don't think people peg me for that initially because I'm easygoing and talkative.

 

One of my best friends in college has a very reserved disposition, as does my spouse. Some think they're snobby, aloof, or quiet/introverted. That's not the case, but they're not gregarious or excitable in groups of people they don't know well and they're not the first people jumping into the pool, so to speak. They hang back and observe longer and keep their cards and social noises to themselves much longer than me.

You've just described me (and my DH!) exactly. A lot of my friends laugh at me when I tell them that I'm introverted.

[8circles]

I am not one-dimensional and have a whole range of emotions and moods which I express in different ways depending on my company.

 

"Reserved" is only one of them. As is "express joy".

 

I can't quite figure out the point of the poll. It doesn't seem silly enough to be frivolous. It definitely comes across as an excuse to criticize people who aren't your cup of tea. But I could be wrong.

[luuknam]

I chose 'reserved', but that's because of how I interpreted the first post. I used to get told to smile more often, or asked if I was sad when I was feeling perfectly fine. I probably still don't smile a whole lot unless there is something specific to smile about. It just doesn't come naturally to me, but at least people have quit bugging me about it. I can definitely be talkative and sometimes TMI-ish, so not necessarily 'reserved' in that way.

[mlktwins]

I voted Other, because three choices aren't anywhere enough to accurately label a personality, I don't think.

 

I'm an introvert who, given a choice, will probably always choose either time alone or with just a handful of family or close friends.  But I have no trouble at all interacting with strangers and can be quite animated, funny and outgoing.  It tires me out tremendously, though.  I guess I really don't get the difference between "reserved" and "expressed joy."  I'm reserved with strangers in that I'm not going to open up and start sharing any personal info with one right off the bat.  But that doesn't mean that I can't or don't clearly present myself with humor and joy about non-personal things.  As Paige said, your choices could be taken as a bit offensive, as you seem to be saying that everyone should express joy the way you do.  I admit that I sometimes try to avoid people who are too "on" (too loud, too talkative, etc.).  Being around people like that totally saps my energy, and sometimes I don't have any to spare.

This describes me perfectly! People are shocked when I tell them I'm an introvert!

[Janie Grace]

I'm an introvert who has learned to be very socially engaging because my various roles have demanded it. I laugh, ask questions, share personal tidbits -- but if there is someone louder in the group, I never fight for dominance. I'm happy to listen (unless said person is a complete conversation hog; then I silently fume). Social situations drain me, but if you didn't know me well, you would think I am an extrovert.

 

I know what you mean about avoiding someone who is reserved. I have to work very hard to make myself talk to certain people who aren't forthcoming or don't do their part to carry the conversation (one word answers, no questions in return, etc). Sometimes I am tempted to judge that they aren't willing to "put themselves out there" like everyone else (don't care about intimacy, don't want to take the risk that getting to know others represents) but I think that is less likely than it just being harder for some to be social. I try to be patient and not take it personally. 

I think the term "stick in the mud" is pretty mean. 

[AmandaVT]

I hesitate to say anything, but your wording is awfully harsh. I straddle between introvert and extravert and I'm not shy, but I am fairly reserved naturally. I don't open up to strangers and am not effusive around people I don't know well. I am however, a kind and caring person with a good sense of humor. Just because I don't choose to make myself the center of every social gathering I'm in, doesn't make me a stick in the mud or dry as a desert. I try to get to know people instead of passing judgement on them en masse.

[JustEm]

I can only describe myself as adaptable. I'm able to subconsciously adapt to what the people around me are like. When I'm with my family and a certain set of friends I'm outwardly expressive in a loud humorous manner because that is the atmosphere. If I'm with the mom's at dh's work I'm more reserved but not a stick in the mud. With one set of in laws I'm reserved because that is their disposition but with my other set I'm outwardly expressive. When I'm with my kids I'm a kid myself unless I need to be a parent. In a crowd of strangers I'm reserved until I've scoped out the feeling of the group.

 

Some people who have seene in multiple settings think I'm faking but I'm not. I have a wide range of me and I think some people I know are unable to believe that because they have one specific type of personality.

[Jean in Newcastle]

What an ouchy poll.  And post too.  People are worth getting to know, no matter what their disposition is. 

 

My personality does not match any of your options.  I'm boisterous at times and quiet at times.  And I'm expressive with some people and more reserved with others.  I'm pretty sure that I would be reserved with someone that I perceive as judgmental. 

[Bluegoat]

I'm very reserved with people I don't know well, or often even in large groups of people I do know.  In smaller groups of people I do know well, I am less reserved.  Occasionally I have been told that in those situations I can be opnionated.

 

I don't really think I am a stick in the mud though.  I just find small talk rather difficult - most of it is pretty shallow and boring.

[Amira]

I'm pretty sure that most people would consider me a stick in the mud and dry as a desert. I realize that it takes a little more effort to get to know me but I hope people don't automatically dismiss me because of that.

Edited March 22, 2016 by Amira

[MinivanMom]

What an ouchy poll.  And post too.  People are worth getting to know, no matter what their disposition is. 

 

My personality does not match any of your options.  I'm boisterous at times and quiet at times.  And I'm expressive with some people and more reserved with others.  I'm pretty sure that I would be reserved with someone that I perceive as judgmental. 

 

I am reserved, but happy and joyful. I don't think anyone would describe me as anything other than happy. But I am definitely more reserved around people I perceive to be judgmental. 

Edited March 23, 2016 by MinivanMom

[oneangelwaiting]

One more thought. With very loud, very opinionated people I will quite simply take on the role of smiling and nodding because I can't get a word in edge wise or, if I do manage to eek out a sentence without being interrupted, my thoughts are simply discarded as incorrect and therfore not valid and not even worth discussion. Verbally run over is how I feel after this kind of engagement. This kind of social encounter is demoralizing and exhausting for me, but perhaps the person on the other end just finds me boring.

 

And to clarify, I'm both very shy and very much an introvert. This combination is practically a social death sentence. This post really got under my skin and I agree with many of the posts above, I hope you will take the time to get to know the person you are judging. You might just find a jewel beneath that rough exterior.

 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[MistyMountain]

In big groups where I also have to look after kids I can be overwhelmed. I have no idea how I come off to people. I am pretty reserved and not overly showy with emotions. I laugh but maybe not at everything that some people find funny. I would not read too much into someone who was more reserved. Maybe she suffers from depression but is doing her best to get out for her kids. I guess some people could feel about me like you expressed especially in certain settings. I also am intelligent but process things slowly so certain types of situations make it hard to get into the conversation if it has a lot of people and changes a lot. I am very far on the introvert scale but I like interaction and need friends. I just prefer smaller groups and the ability to recharge.

Edited March 22, 2016 by MistyMountain

[marbel]

<snip>

 

1.  Introverted is not the same as shy, although you can be both.

2.  You can be a shy extrovert.  You can also be an introvert who is not shy.

3.   I do not equate introverted or shy with being a stick in the mud.  My mother, daughter and husband are all introverts.  They are not sticks in the mud.  They do express joy and they can be quite funny.  They are also more reserved and being around people for extended periods of time can be draining for them.  I do not see that as a negative, just as a different way of being from who I am (extrovert).

 

And yes, I express joy, too, just like the introverted members of my family.  I just tend to be more verbal and physical about it.   :)

 

This is a distinction many people don't seem to understand.

 

My husband is an introvert, but he is not at all shy.  He easily talks to people he doesn't know.  But, he requires a lot of time away from people too. 

 

I am an introvert and shy.  I have a hard time approaching people I don't know or even sometimes, people I do know.  At church, for example, I can know everyone in the room but can't bring myself to enter a conversation in progress.  I look for people who are standing alone looking lost (or reading the bulletin board to avoid looking lost).  When I have guests over, I rarely invite one person only; I need a buffer so I don't have to carry all the conversation.  That is social anxiety too, I guess.  But once I know people, I am happy and enjoy talking with them. 

 

I think my daughter is a shy extrovert.  She loves being around people, wants to be out doing stuff all the time, but will hang back in a group when she doesn't know everyone. 

 

I have been in the position of feeling like I am grilling someone who answers open questions with a brief word or two.  It is hard.  I figure they are just shy like I am and I try to gauge when to end the conversation for their comfort (and mine).  Being a pastor's wife, I have to be friendly (at church anyway) even when I don't feel like it!  LOL

 

[MistyMountain]

I also am very sensitive to vibes and if I feel like someone does not like me or is judging me then it makes things difficult.

[MFG]

I just find small talk rather difficult - most of it is pretty shallow and boring.

I rarely engage in small talk because most of it seems pretty worthless. When I have something to say, I will say it. I don't need to hear myself (or anyone else) talk "just because". I guess that means I don't have a "personality".

 

To the question, "What is your disposition type?", I was tempted to answer "nasty". Might not be far wrong.

[Garga]

I have absolutely NO idea how I come across to people.

 

I used to watch American Idol and Simon Cowell would analyze the people who came before him. I found him to be spot on in so many ways. He did not shy away from telling people the exact impression they were giving.

 

I want Simon Cowell to come watch me interact in various scenarios and tell me straight what impression I'm giving off. I might not be intending to give off a certain impression, but I am very curious to know how others perceive me, right or wrong. :)

 

As far as reserved vs exuberant: I suppose it depends on the situation and the people around. It sound like in the OP she's asking if we are Eeyore or Tigger. I'd rather be Kanga or Piglet than either of those.

[Bluegoat]

I rarely engage in small talk because most of it seems pretty worthless. When I have something to say, I will say it. I don't need to hear myself (or anyone else) talk "just because". I guess that means I don't have a "personality".

 

To the question, "What is your disposition type?", I was tempted to answer "nasty". Might not be far wrong.

 

I have come to believe that it serves an important function - it gives people an opportunity to chat until they can come to a place where they find something more interesting to talk to.

 

My mother is really good at this sort of thing - she can make people who are shy or uncomfortable feel like they can really open up. 

[marbel]

I have come to believe that it serves an important function - it gives people an opportunity to chat until they can come to a place where they find something more interesting to talk to.

 

My mother is really good at this sort of thing - she can make people who are shy or uncomfortable feel like they can really open up. 

 

Yes!  Small talk is a way to get to get started. 

 

A woman I used to know would complain that she wanted deeper conversation with people.  But she'd just launch off on some "big" topic - religion, spirituality, politics - with strangers.  People don't tend to like that with someone they've just met.   (Well, I imagine some do.)   She started off too big and scared people off. 

 

Honestly, I want people to start with small talk.  I want to find out where they live, how they came to live where they do, how many kids they have (if I know they have some), how well they like the area. Wow isn't it cold today; yes but it's better than hot humid summer; oh so what is the best season for you?   And then you can launch.  In my experience, people who won't engage in small talk are hard to get to know.

 

[BarbecueMom]

I'm an introvert on the shy side (or private, rather), but I admit I have problems relating to people who don't communicate with humor. My spouse and I frequently interject movie/TV/book quotes in our conversations, when it's hilariously appropriate (or sometimes inappropriate). I click best with people who do this too. Some people look at me like I just started speaking another language when I mention that we do that. And that I don't understand and can't relate to.

 

I had a boss like this once, and it was one of the reasons I quit. She was so... flat, personality wise. You couldn't make a joke about anything, because the blank expression would never change and she never laughed or responded as if there had been a joke at all. No one knew where the line was or if she even understood, and it was extremely uncomfortable in an already high-pressure environment. I had coworkers who had worked with her for 12+ years, and that's how she interacted with them too.

 

When I hear "stick in the mud", that's what I imagine, someone like my former boss. Trying to relate a funny or cute story, and a literal stick in the mud would react more. I just don't know how to work with that on an ongoing basis.

[sbgrace]

OP, if you can get it from the library consider possibly reading "Quiet, the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." I believe the author has a TED Talk as well. It's possible it would help you to understand, even appreciate, the woman you describe and others like her.

 

Anyway, reserved people have just as much joy as extroverts. I'd like to think maybe deeper because they reflect more, but that's probably just because I naturally favor my own way of relating to the world. But, at any rate, I couldn't vote given those choices.

Edited March 22, 2016 by sbgrace

[sheryl]

Most of you got this thread right but some of you did not.   (How sad that some threads have to be turned upside down - you people are reading waaay too much in to this!)

 

How funny though that a new friend of mine also has the same opinion of this very woman of whom I speak.   I was talking and simultaneously we both said "joy" to complete the sentence as to what this other woman was/is lacking.  Joy is not always verbal as was inferred in your replies.  That's what disposition is -

 

 

noun

 

the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood; characteristic attitude:

a girl with a pleasant disposition.

 

state of mind regarding something; inclination:

a disposition to gamble.

 

I've known this other woman for about 4 years and there happens to be "issues" that this family incites on others.  

 

I personally think there needs to be a balance.  There is an extended family member who is know-it-all, boisterous, loud and while I spend time with her, I don't have much in common with her and she's hard to be around.  This woman communicates so little that it's hard to talk with her as well.  But, we are all unique.  So, yes, I socialize with all different types but my "preference" is for someone who knows "how" to communicate/socialize a bit. 

 

[JustEm]

I find it quite limiting to choose to be around only joyous people. We all have our flaws and just because someone is not full of joy doesn't mean they can't provide great insights and good companionship. It is my choice to allow someone's misery to bring me down. By not allowing it to bring me down and still being able to enjoy what they have to offer I have learned a lot about myself. And probably grown a lot as an individual.

[OneStepAtATime]

 

Most of you got this thread right but some of you did not.  

 

(How sad that some threads have to be turned upside down - you people are reading waaay too much in to this!)

 

 

  But, we are all unique. 

 

So, yes, I socialize with all different types but my "preference" is for someone who knows "how" to communicate/socialize a bit. 

 

Interesting.  I didn't realize this was a test.  

 

I don't think anyone was trying to turn your thread upside down.  We were just sharing our reactions.  This wasn't a JAWM thread.  Would you prefer that we not share our reactions? 

 

Yes, we are all unique.

 

And with that last sentence, again, you are basically stating that there is only one proper way to communicate/socialize.  Do each of us have certain personality types we tend to gravitate to?  Of course. Obviously, you have a very strong preference for one type of personality.  O.k.   That doesn't mean there is only one way to communicate and socialize effectively or that anyone who communicates in a less than exuberant or "joyful" way does not know "how" to communicate/socialize.  They just do it differently than you prefer.

Edited March 22, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[sbgrace]

I'm referring to "you" during most of the day.  A typical day.  Not winning a million bucks that would cause you to act differently.

 

Most of my friends have "personality".  I prefer that.  It's hard for me to "relate" to stick in the mud types.  There is a woman in our homeschooling circle and she's as dry as a desert.   Sorry to say I try to avoid her.

 

Me?  I like to express my joy.  I'll smile and laugh in conversation - genuinely.  Not, a fake laugh.

 

OK, give me a break.  This sounds scattered but it's late.  LOL!

 

 

 

Most of you got this thread right but some of you did not.   (How sad that some threads have to be turned upside down - you people are reading waaay too much in to this!)

 

How funny though that a new friend of mine also has the same opinion of this very woman of whom I speak.   I was talking and simultaneously we both said "joy" to complete the sentence as to what this other woman was/is lacking.  Joy is not always verbal as was inferred in your replies.  That's what disposition is -

 

 

noun

 

the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood; characteristic attitude:

a girl with a pleasant disposition.

 

state of mind regarding something; inclination:

a disposition to gamble.

 

I've known this other woman for about 4 years and there happens to be "issues" that this family incites on others.  

 

I personally think there needs to be a balance.  There is an extended family member who is know-it-all, boisterous, loud and while I spend time with her, I don't have much in common with her and she's hard to be around.  This woman communicates so little that it's hard to talk with her as well.  But, we are all unique.  So, yes, I socialize with all different types but my "preference" is for someone who knows "how" to communicate/socialize a bit. 

 

Did you also look up the definition of joy? joy: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

 

You don't identify with or enjoy her personality clearly.

In the OP, you mention personality, stick in the mud (boring? not adventurous...I don't know...but, yes, that is personality).

 

Then you say you express joy by smiling and laughing in conversation. So you feel pleasure/happiness in a conversation and so smile and laugh. I guess that's how you express joy and you find those conversations joyful apparently.

 

You assume, I guess because she doesn't smile/laugh, perhaps doesn't find joy in the conversations you enjoy (might or might not be true), that she lacks joy. At least that is all you shared about her in the OP that started this thread.

 

Then you asked those of us to vote on whether we were reserved or joyful. I don't know how to interpret that poll and first post outside of concluding that you believe those with reserved personalities don't have as much joy as you experience. I see you clearly equating lack of joy with reserved. Those two things are unrelated, whether you realize it or not. And I know you meant the whole thing to be light and fun, but your posts come across as clueless, judgmental, and just mean.

 

FWIW, I don't find joy in small talk. I find joy in heart to heart, deep conversations. I find joy in connecting. Chit chat isn't connection that brings me joy, even if it's fun.

 

Anyway, you describe her as having a personality different than yours. Then you and your friend talk about her behind her back and label her joyless.

 

I find that incredibly middle school maturity, judgmental, and just plain ick.

Edited March 22, 2016 by sbgrace

[creekland]

You've just described me (and my DH!) exactly. A lot of my friends laugh at me when I tell them that I'm introverted.

 

Ditto!  I'm definitely an introvert in that I recharge my batteries alone without people.  I need that time - daily.  Being with other people all the time is exhausting.  But I have no problems at all interacting with (most) people and would have no problems having to get up in front of an audience to keep them entertained while waiting for a late speaker or something.

 

I do well at school in all sorts of situations (students and adults) and earlier today I was in a completely new place with new people and I'm pretty sure they enjoyed our time together (even if it was short).  I could tell you a fair bit about them.  I led most of the "off topic" stuff to start with (since it wasn't an area where one is generally off topic), but the others were joining in pretty much immediately.

 

Shy and introverted are not synonyms.  Ditto that with small talk, leading to deeper talk (if appropriate), humor, and oodles of other things.

 

What an ouchy poll.  And post too.  People are worth getting to know, no matter what their disposition is. 

 

My personality does not match any of your options.  I'm boisterous at times and quiet at times.  And I'm expressive with some people and more reserved with others.  I'm pretty sure that I would be reserved with someone that I perceive as judgmental. 

 

I get really turned off by nasty or judgmental people.  I rarely see a need to interact with them.  I don't mind introverts/extroverts/shy/outgoing, but once people start putting down others (or worse), it's over - unless I'm standing up for those others, and that will depend upon the situation.  

 

Yes!  Small talk is a way to get to get started. 

 

...

 

Honestly, I want people to start with small talk.  I want to find out where they live, how they came to live where they do, how many kids they have (if I know they have some), how well they like the area. Wow isn't it cold today; yes but it's better than hot humid summer; oh so what is the best season for you?   And then you can launch.  In my experience, people who won't engage in small talk are hard to get to know.

 

At school the absolute best way to get students willingly working for you is to take an interest in them - not necessarily an academic interest.  I've learned about so many things by listening to student interests, then turning to math/science, etc.  Students care more about me when I share info with them too.  Building teams is so much better than working as individuals.

[Spryte]

Is there an option for sarcastic?

 

No one would call me reserved.

 

I'm very animated. Sometimes I'm quiet, too, especially in larger groups.

 

Expressing joy - yep. :)

Edited March 22, 2016 by Spryte

[maize]

 

Most of you got this thread right but some of you did not. (How sad that some threads have to be turned upside down - you people are reading waaay too much in to this!)

 

How funny though that a new friend of mine also has the same opinion of this very woman of whom I speak. I was talking and simultaneously we both said "joy" to complete the sentence as to what this other woman was/is lacking. Joy is not always verbal as was inferred in your replies. That's what disposition is -

 

 

noun

 

the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood; characteristic attitude:

a girl with a pleasant disposition.

 

 

state of mind regarding something; inclination:

a disposition to gamble.

 

I've known this other woman for about 4 years and there happens to be "issues" that this family incites on others.

 

I personally think there needs to be a balance. There is an extended family member who is know-it-all, boisterous, loud and while I spend time with her, I don't have much in common with her and she's hard to be around. This woman communicates so little that it's hard to talk with her as well. But, we are all unique. So, yes, I socialize with all different types but my "preference" is for someone who knows "how" to communicate/socialize a bit.

I'm curious:

 

Do you believe people can change their natural disposition, however you define that?

 

For example, could you choose to be reserved or not animated in your discussions? If you became convinced that that was a better way to be, would you become that way--consistently? Could you become boisterous and loud if I told you that was the way to be socially acceptable to others?

 

Your posts are coming across as quite judgmental of others' ways of being and relating; am I right to assume you think they can and should change? Or are you just judging them to be the wrong kind of person even if they have no control over what comes naturally to them?