fairfarmhand Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 My dd has a long track record of "forgetting" to tell me when she's out of something. Shampoo, hairspray, deodorant, whatever. This morning, I left to go to the store to pick up some things. At this point she was out of the shower, hair wrapped in a towel. I get back, and she announces that she's out of shampoo. Now there is shampoo in the shower, but she doesn't like that kind. Says it makes her hair feel weird. Because we have 3 girls, I buy huge bottles of shampoo at a discount online. It takes a few days for them to come in. I told my dd that if she wanted to go to the store andbuy her own bottle of shampoo with her own money that is fine. But I won't be making a special trip out to the store to buy a bottle of the shampoo that she likes, paying more because I can't order online. She can use the wonky hair shampoo for the several days that it will take for the big bottle of stuff to come in. Her sisters use the wonky hair shampoo with no problem. She's mad at me and thinks its unfair. I think it's inconsiderate for my dd to expect me to run out and pick up everything she wants the moment she runs out. FTR, this is my almost 18 yo. So am I big fat meanie? :) (I know, This is small potatoes. It's just that my dd is so in earnest about protesting these kinds of things that sometime I doubt myself.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 No, you're not a big fat meanie. She needs to be more responsible, especially at the age of 17/18. 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 If you're a meanie, so am I. My dd is 16 and I tell her she is free to use her own money for things. She does have a job, though. So, I see it as training for life. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Lol If that makes you mean then I must be pure eeveel. No. Having to use shampoo she doesn't like while the shampooe she does like arrives on order is not mean. Not even on the scale of magnitudes. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Ha! No. Just no. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Nope. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 No you are not mean. At 18 she is capable of getting it herself or using the other shampoo. It's not like it is food and she doesn't have anything to eat. My kids will occasionally forget to ask me to get something they "need" at the store. They either go get it themselves or have to wait until I go to the store next time. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 You are not being mean. I assume your daughter has already been told (multiple times, I'll bet) that she needs to let you know when the shampoo is running low so that you can order more. There is shampoo available even if it's not her preferred brand. I would not make a special trip to get more at a higher price. That said, if you don't already do this, I would buy two bottles of the preferred kind and keep one is reserve in the bathroom closet. When she has to open the second bottle, she needs to ask you to buy more. That way she won't run out. But at 18, it's up to her to keep track of when her personal care products are running low. But again, you're not being mean. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Hahahahahaha no. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Well bless her heart. ;) 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Poor baby! Yes, you are the cruelest mom ever! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Nope. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 definitely not mean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 You are not being mean. What is she going to do when she moves out and has to buy her own shampoo? Well, she will either run to the store as an emergency, or she will buy ahead of time. Enforcing that now is only preparing her for the real world. What you have done seems totally reasonable to me. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 :lol: :lol: :lol: No. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 She needs to get over herself yesterday. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 With an attitude like that I'd likely not buy the special shampoo for her anymore and tell her she can buy it herself or do with the kind everyone else uses. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 There are bazillions of 18 year olds, the world over, who tend to their own hygiene needs. For every single entitled adult begging her mother to drop everything and get the special shampoo, there are probably literally millions (maybe even billions) of adults not doing that. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 LOL - if that's mean, I'm horrid over here to younger kids. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Nope, & if my ~18 yo dd doesn't like what I buy, she buys things herself. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Does she not know what the word "unfair" means? "Unfair" means that there are women her age, probably in her very community, who don't have any shampoo of their own (let alone their favorite) because they are homeless and/or in shelters for domestic abuse survivors...they don't have those plush towels and unlimited hot running water in their own private shower, either. Fairfarmhand, this attitude of hers would so offend me that I'd likely stop the gravy train until she'd done significant community service for those who have nothing. Seriously, the more I think about it, the more sickening it becomes. 18 is too old to play princess. 26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Absolutely not mean. I buy what I buy and if someone wants something different they are welcome to add it to my list in a timely manner or they wait until next trip or go pick it up themselves. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Yeah, IMO, the question isn't am I mean? The question is more like how can we relate to each other without me doubting myself? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I'd be inclined to make her buy and pay for all her own toiletries from now on. Make it all her problem. She's almost an adult. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleBears Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I must be a meanie too. I've actually threatened my boys with taking $ out of their allowances to pay for parmesan cheese. They put so much of it on their pasta it's ridiculous. It's more like cheese with pasta. :glare: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) nm Edited December 2, 2015 by ^ 022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 :lol: Teenage girls....... I keep hoping the boys are better.... no, you are not mean. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I think it is pretty insulting to assume that FFH HASN'T been teaching and (modeling for) DD things like gratitude, humility, etc. I'm convinced some people are wired differently. Parents can do all the "right" things...and a kid still ISN'T consistently grateful, humble, giving. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Not mean at all. Hand her the baking soda since she hates the shampoo currently in the shower. My yoga instructor has used only baking soda for the last ten years and her hair is beautiful. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 I think it is pretty insulting to assume that FFH HASN'T been teaching and (modeling for) DD things like gratitude, humility, etc. I'm convinced some people are wired differently. Parents can do all the "right" things...and a kid still ISN'T consistently grateful, humble, giving. This is the story of my life... 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 At that age, not only was I buying my own shampoo but I also had a driver's license that I could easily obtain said shampoo at whatever schedule worked for me. Does she drive? If so I'd be putting it solely on her to buy her stuff and figure out how to get it when she needs it. If she doesn't drive and/or has no source of money of her own then you will have to work out a different system. But no I'd not be making a special trip for shampoo. I don't even make special trips if we run out of milk or eggs. When something is gone we make do without until the next scheduled trip.Short of medicine for a sick/injured child I can't think of much I'm willing to make a special trip out for. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I don't think you're mean, but I'm also not thinking your dd is an entitled brat. She's transitioning into being an adult and until now you've probably monitored the household needs. It takes a bit for the transition to happen. When our kids were little, I noticed when the ketchup level was low and then bought a new one. I bought shampoo when I figured it had been a while since I'd bought it last. But when the kids started growing up, I told them to tell me when we were down to a week's worth of things. I like to shop once a week so that was the timeframe I taught them. They took over reminding me about things I don't usually use- ketchup, soda they drink, ice cream, shampoo or bathroom cleaning supplies, and since they cleaned the kitchen, they also let me know when we needed dishwasher soap. Things like that. It prepared them to go off to college or live on their own. But it wasn't just something they did automatically- up until then, they only remembered when they had run out of something. It took some time for them to start figuring it out. And the natural consequence of not having ketchup or dishwasher soap was pretty good- they hated washing dishes by hand. They didn't like running out of ketchup. It'll happen- just talk to her about it, and frame it around the issues of running out every time you need something vs planned shopping, and even how there might not be funds to replace something the very day you run out...so planning ahead is helpful. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Does she not know what the word "unfair" means? "Unfair" means that there are women her age, probably in her very community, who don't have any shampoo of their own (let alone their favorite) because they are homeless and/or in shelters for domestic abuse survivors...they don't have those plush towels and unlimited hot running water in their own private shower, either. Fairfarmhand, this attitude of hers would so offend me that I'd likely stop the gravy train until she'd done significant community service for those who have nothing. Seriously, the more I think about it, the more sickening it becomes. 18 is too old to play princess. I wouldn't take it that seriously. I would assume she was just being a typical high school drama queen and let it go. I don't think it's a reflection of anything other than knowing it was her own fault that she ran out of shampoo and wanting to momentarily vent about it. I think she was acting like a fairly typical teenager and I wouldn't give it a second thought. I certainly wouldn't be forcing her to do extensive community service just because she was whiny about running out of shampoo. That seems like complete overkill to me. But I don't think fairfarmhand is being a meanie for not racing right out to the store to get her the "right" shampoo, either, unless she was allergic to the other brand or it honestly did make her hair look awful. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I think it is pretty insulting to assume that FFH HASN'T been teaching and (modeling for) DD things like gratitude, humility, etc. I'm convinced some people are wired differently. Parents can do all the "right" things...and a kid still ISN'T consistently grateful, humble, giving. :iagree: I don't think it is realistic to assume that teenagers in general will be consistently grateful, humble, or giving. They're teenagers. I remember being a teenager and I was a good kid, but I wasn't exactly the pinnacle of generosity and kindness and responsibility, either. But I grew up and got over myself, as I assume FF's dd will, as well. This is about a bottle of shampoo. If the worst thing FF's dd does is pitch a little fit over running out of shampoo, I would figure that FF has done a pretty good job with that kid. :) 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I wouldn't take it that seriously. I would assume she was just being a typical high school drama queen and let it go. I don't think it's a reflection of anything other than knowing it was her own fault that she ran out of shampoo and wanting to momentarily vent about it. I think she was acting like a fairly typical teenager and I wouldn't give it a second thought. I certainly wouldn't be forcing her to do extensive community service just because she was whiny about running out of shampoo. That seems like complete overkill to me. But I don't think fairfarmhand is being a meanie for not racing right out to the store to get her the "right" shampoo, either, unless she was allergic to the other brand or I knew it honestly did make her hair look awful. The community service recommendation was because of the original post in the thread - this is a pattern with this nearly-grown girl. She doesn't keep up with her responsibilities and then whines, literally dripping wet and clothed in a towel, for her mother to go get what she wants. It's not a one time thing; this is her perspective. She wants it, so somebody better go get it. I never blamed FFH (who did not run out for the fancy shampoo). Of course I know that parents can teach and model and still have really crazy moments with their teens. (I have three teens.) But when we see patterns that are entitled or destructive, we can refrain from enabling it. Some might choose a mild reminder, others might choose a lesson that will never be forgot -- depends on the parental tolerance level, I suppose. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 Ironically, in someone else, my dd would spot the entitlement instantly. She'd probably chew them out for being bratty. Her kneejerk response to frustrating parts of life is to blame and whine. Here's hoping she grows out of it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I must be a meanie too. I've actually threatened my boys with taking $ out of their allowances to pay for parmesan cheese. They put so much of it on their pasta it's ridiculous. It's more like cheese with pasta. :glare: Welcome to my world. :D Sometimes it's a real challenge to see the marinara sauce under all that Parmesan! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Ironically, in someone else, my dd would spot the entitlement instantly. She'd probably chew them out for being bratty. Her kneejerk response to frustrating parts of life is to blame and whine. Here's hoping she grows out of it. She probably only does this with you. Same with my kids. They will tell me what they are really thinking and feeling without worrying about my feelings. LOL But someone else? Oh no. That's the "special" part about being the mom. :laugh: 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 yep. you're a meanie. ;p (and it's part of mom's job description.) dh has a favorite saying - and it applies to your dd. the crime is its own punishment. (aka: natural consequences) she was out of the shower, she knew she was out of shampoo, she saw you, she didn't say anything. she can use what you have, go to the store herself, or wait and not wash her hair. her choice - and c'est la vie and all that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Ironically, in someone else, my dd would spot the entitlement instantly. She'd probably chew them out for being bratty. Her kneejerk response to frustrating parts of life is to blame and whine. Here's hoping she grows out of it. If she recognizes it in others, she will grow out of it. Seriously. She is just being a teenager. I know it's frustrating, though! :grouphug: 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 My dd has a long track record of "forgetting" to tell me when she's out of something. Shampoo, hairspray, deodorant, whatever. I think it's inconsiderate for my dd to expect me to run out and pick up everything she wants the moment she runs out. FTR, this is my almost 18 yo. So am I big fat meanie? :) (I know, This is small potatoes. It's just that my dd is so in earnest about protesting these kinds of things that sometime I doubt myself.) First, she does this habitually. So, my guess is that she expects it will keep happening the same way.....you will jump. Until you stop it, it will. I am guilty of this too, so please don't think I am singling you out. Tell her you find it inconsiderate. Tell her how she is making you feel. Tell her that you will no longer get things immediately and you need X amount of time to buy, order, or shop for it. If she tells you the day of, she will still need to wait the extra days. Make her own it. I am speaking to myself too! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 nope. not at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 If she recognizes it in others, she will grow out of it. Seriously. She is just being a teenager. I know it's frustrating, though! :grouphug: Yup. I even did a lot of community service with underprivileged and I still could act entitled. Sigh. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 If she recognizes it in others, she will grow out of it. Seriously. She is just being a teenager. I know it's frustrating, though! :grouphug: Stepping away from FFH's DD, bc I don't know what goes on in the girl's head... This isn't necessarily true. Some people can see bratty behavior in others but justify that same behavior in themselves... "People who speed should get a ticket...except that time I was speeding, I should have gotten off because..." I hope this makes sense. It was the first example I thought of. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I must be the wicked witch of the west. I make my kids buy their own gum. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Stepping away from FFH's DD, bc I don't know what goes on in the girl's head... This isn't necessarily true. Some people can see bratty behavior in others but justify that same behavior in themselves... "People who speed should get a ticket...except that time I was speeding, I should have gotten off because..." I hope this makes sense. It was the first example I thought of. Narcissists are great at this! (Not saying the original DD is one!!!) My mom can go on for hours about how someone is SO AWFUL for doing the exact same thing she does. Hence why I only text her for the most part now. :P Shampoo tantrums = buy your own damn shampoo because ain't nobody got time for that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 This past year, I have trained my kids that I only buy what is on the list. I can't read minds! This made for some sad days without ketchup or mayo or milk. No one will die from a few days without a pantry staple. They are pretty good with the list now. My benefits included not having to be the mind for the house and honestly, lower grocery bills because they just put what they needed on the list. So I vote not mean. College next year, right? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Definitely not a meanie! Even my 5yo knows if he doesn't tell me we're out of milk, tear-free shampoo, down to the last pair of underwear, etc. I'm not going to drop everything and rush for it. It'll go on the schedule or grocery list and will be taken care of (in the case of the underwear, during the next 24 hours, lol) My 16yo likes to "forget" and that's his problem. Not mine, and I'm not going to borrow that stress. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Almost 18? If you're mean then I'm the epitome of mean. She would have a couple of choices: used the shampoo you already have until the new bottle comes, or drive herself to the store and buy some, or. ...don't shampoo for a few days. All your choice sweetie. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 :lol: Teenage girls....... I keep hoping the boys are better.... :lol: Well, ime, younger teen guys won't worry at all about the shampoo running out. In fact, they might not even notice... because it's not like they had been using it much in the first place! :tongue_smilie: 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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