When should a woman stop coloring her gray hair?

[Excelsior! Academy]

Well, of course everyone is going to say "whenever she feels ready" because we aren't about bossing people around. ;) But in my secret thoughts, I don't think twice about a woman in her 50's coloring her hair. I think it starts looking a bit odd in her 60's-70's. 

 

I had no idea how much it cost -- $104 for a touch-up seems insane! But I'm out of the loop on this because I haven't greyed yet (I'm in my 40's and I'm lucky, I know). Even if we could afford that, I am not sure I could spend it in good conscience. But obviously it's a very personal matter and there is no judgement from me on it. 

 

The bolded above, although my mother is in her 60's and still has her natural hair color.  She was (is) a redhead and now has mellowed into light strawberry blond with a light grey-ish streak on one side in her bangs.  If she parts it one way the streak shows, if she parts it the other it doesn't.  It looks good on her.  Maybe because it *is* natural?

[MaeFlowers]

I voted "whenever she's ready" because it varies. It depends on the woman and the color of her gray. For example, my Mom was almost completely gray in her 40's but frosted her hair until she stopped working. Hers is a beautiful silver and white and it looks good on her with her skin tone. Her sister didn't go gray until much later but she bleached her hair platinum blonde until the day she died (at 75) because her gray made her look old. My great-grandmother died her hair until she was well over 100 and it looked more natural than her gray hair. I could go on but the point is, some people look great with grey hair and some don't. That's basically how I will make my decision about when to start and stop dying my hair.

 

Oh, and kind of off topic, but I wish more people would ask someone they trust for an honest opinion about the hair color they choose. It's kind of a pet peeve of mine because I see so many women who choose color that makes them look older or just plain tired.

[Word Nerd]

I wish the person who believes that "anytime after 40" is too old to color your gray would explain that answer. I'm in my early 40s and just now started seeing gray hairs. 

[73349]

I don't think you can set a hard and fast answer to this because people vary so much. But among the people I know personally, it seems like it would be a good idea to *re-evaluate* every couple of years past 55 or so. Is dyeing still better than not? and Do I need a different shade now?

[trulycrabby]

My mom is mid 80's and colours her hair. DH teases and says it's nice to know I will never go gray. :)

[RioSamba]

I voted "other" because I don't think there should be a rule at all. My grandmother is in her mid-nineties. She was born a gorgeous redhead and has been one ever since. She is not trying to hide her age, she is quite proud of it, but she simply cannot imagine not having red hair. She is absolutely beautiful!

[Starr]

Old has quite the range on this site. haha   My dm is in her 80s and doesn't wear the grey.

[redsquirrel]

I know three people, one is my MIL, who went completely white before they were 20.  My MIL was white at 17!  She is in her 70s and transitioned from dying it to its natural colour over the course of her 60s. She went lighter and highlighted more and allowed the grey to show in bits.  It was a very managed and gradual process. She clearly worked with a professional and had a plan.  She also has products that keep her white hair white. I know she uses a couple different special shampoos that keep it from looking yellow. She also pays for a really good cut, changes it up now and then, changes her glasses style to keep it modern etc. Stuff like that goes a long way to looking good. My MIL absolutely looks like a woman in her 70s, but she doesn't look like she is ready to be put out to pasture. That makes all the difference.

 

One woman in our church went grey in her teens and clearly decided to embrace it.  However, she didn't seem to know, or possibly care, that white or grey hair has its own needs.  Her hair was mostly steel grey with large white streaks. Frankly, it looked gross. Her white was quite yellow at the roots, it was stringy etc. She dressed nicely and didn't seem like someone who didn't have good overall hygiene, I think she just didn't know how to deal with her hair.  

[Julie Smith]

I voted other.  If you are going out an getting it done, where it has highlights and lowlights and a more natural look to it, whenever you want, or whenever you can transition to something more natural with your grey.  But yes in your 70's it may start to look odd.  

 

However if you are doing it yourself, out of a box, my answer changes.  Hair texture changes as you age.  You have more, something when you are younger that even if it is dyed from a box, some of the strands take on a lighter or darker hue and it looks natural.  But you seem to lose the natural ability in your forties to fifties, and that is when at home box dye starts really looking odd.  Every hair on your head is one solid color, even in the sun and it just looks very fake.  To me that is the time to go gray gracefully or else pay to have it done. 

 

This quote happily made me remember my mother-in-law.

 

When I meet her, she had red hair. But as her eyesight went downhill (I'm assuming that was the cause of it) her hair went redder, and redder. We sometimes happily joked it was the color of a can of coke. 

 

:)

[albeto.]

I keep coming back to this question myself, so I'm glad you asked it! Since my accident, I haven't been able to get to the hairdresser. I'd been telling myself that I'll ask my stylist next time I go in how to go gray, but then the roots come in and I think "I'm not ready." I do think it's a matter of my complexion, though, not emotionally. I'm glad someone articulated that, it'll help me, too. I find my eyes look dark and beady if my hair doesn't have color in it, and if I'm distracted by it, then I'm not happy. I don't need more angst in my life, and this is relatively easy to control. 

 

I have a friend who's in her 60's and dies her hair jet black. It's obviously out of a bottle, but I don't think anyone who knows her gives a flying rip. In fact, I think after about an hour of getting to know her, no one notices anymore. My daughter's hair is green. That's certainly not natural, and everyone notices. I think these days we see hair as an accessory more than we ever have in the past. We're "allowed" to be unnatural, obvious, and purposeful. I don't think our friends, the ones who see us for who we are, really put that much thought into it. Not in the long run. So I agree with Sparkly. Do it as long as you damn well please. I think we can Kon Marie our mental bank accounts, and so I think you should Kon Marie that baby. If it brings you joy, do it. If change brings you joy, do that. If you're not decided, wait, try something, and figure out which approach makes you feel a little more [put together/professional/sassy/healthy/fierce/fill-in-the-blank-here] when you get dressed in the morning. Then again, maybe I'm just pumping myself up. I'll revisit this again. I have for the last couple years, lol. 

[LisaKinVA]

One grandma was of the blue bubble generation for hair style. I think she was 80 when she finally stayed white. My other grandmother and dh's grandma never stopped, although they don't use dark shades. My mom is 69, and her hair isn't all the way Gray naturally, yet. She has a large chunk of gray, and large chunks of color...though it's lighter.

 

As for me, I don't color my hair because I'm gray (I'm the least gray of my siblings), I color because my natural color lost its natural highlights, and got dark. So now I have dark hair with some silver, and it's not a great color on me. Not sure when I will stop. I only color 2-3x a year right now as it is.

[Reefgazer]

Eh, really I think whenever she wants.  But I voted other  - you don't have a never option, LOL!  I think the color should change as she gets older, but grey is a tough color to carry and doesn't look good on too many people.

[Laurie4b]

I started and stopped to cover grey relatively early. I found that my hair holds even a temporary rinse. So while I was still mostly dark, I let it grow out. I didn't want to go to the trouble of touching up roots all the time and I personally would be really uncomfortable with "roots" and I didn't want to get to some older age when most of my hair was grey and have to cut it short and grow it out. It was just a practical matter for me. 

[Reefgazer]

My aunt is 92 and still colors her hair.  It is a very soft brown and the exact color has changed as she has aged, but it really does look great on her.  But I think after 50-60, you need a professional to get that realistic, "just right" color.

It's not really about the money, so maybe I shouldn't have told you all what it costs. It's about age and when (if) it starts to look "wrong" for a woman not to have gray hair.

 

[G5052]

Whenever she is ready of course!

 

Most of my friends have gone gray, and I completely respect that.

 

My gray hair is "wild and crazy." I have fairly short, layered hair, and it just doesn't work for me.  But paying $100/mo. is out too.

 

I switched to different products from Sally Beauty Supply when the store products just didn't work any more, and I'm happy with the results. It tends to be darker the first day or so, and then it looks fine with nice highlights.

[MercyA]

No poodle perm, and I don't care what they say, I'm going to have long hair in old age. 

 

Amen.  :thumbup1:

[FaithManor]

I am 47 and have very little grey hair. I color because I am dishwater color naturally, and it's just not very pretty. I love my now reddish brown/chestnut color, and so I figure regardless of age, life is too short to let everyone else dictate what you should and should not do with your hair. 97 and brunette? Go for it? Don't feel like dealing with it? Don't do it.

 

I will be coloring for a good long time. Also, whatever it is for product that my salon puts on my hair, makes it healthier. When I go too long between colorings, regardless of what I use on my hair, it gets coarse, ratty, and loses all sheen. I've invested in a lot of product over the years, and none really worked. Whatever is in that color, it simply works. I'm going to do this for a long time.

[MercyA]

Since my accident, I haven't been able to get to the hairdresser. 

 

albeto., did I miss something? Are you okay? I noticed you hadn't been on the boards as much. Hope all is well.

[J-rap]

My mother started coloring her naturally blonde hair at some point.  She does it herself at home, so it is very cheap.  As she got older, she slowly changed it to a more ash blonde look rather than a yellow blonde.  It has always looked very natural, and it still does.  Now that it's an ash blonde, it still goes with her age because it kind of looks like there's a little subtle gray in there.  She's 87 and I'm sure she'll color it til her last breathe.

 

[FaithManor]

albeto., did I miss something? Are you okay? I noticed you hadn't been on the boards as much. Hope all is well.

Oh boy, Albeto, I hope you are okay and mending!

[albeto.]

albeto., did I miss something? Are you okay? I noticed you hadn't been on the boards as much. Hope all is well.

 

Thanks. Dh and I were in an accident last month. Slowly but surely, we're healing.

 

^_^

[Melissa in Australia]

other

 

 

I don't get the whole colouring your hair thing at all. 

[MercyA]

Thanks. Dh and I were in an accident last month. Slowly but surely, we're healing.

 

^_^

 

Oh, no! I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're both okay.  :grouphug:

[Lady Florida.]

Thanks for all the replies. I knew I could count on the hive for a good conversation on this subject. I think I'm not quite ready to stop just yet.

 

Albeto, I'm glad you and your dh are okay.

[Amy in NH]

I voted other, because I never started coloring my hair.  Let it go naturally, and you'll never have to make the transition.

 

My father's wife let hers go natural in the past couple of years, and she's in her early 60s.  She had been coloring it blonde, but it was a huge shock to see her last weekend after not seeing her for a couple of years.  It turns out her hair is naturally dark brown with gray streaks.

[SeaConquest]

I voted other, because I never started coloring my hair.  Let it go naturally, and you'll never have to make the transition.

 

My father's wife let hers go natural in the past couple of years, and she's in her early 60s.  She had been coloring it blonde, but it was a huge shock to see her last weekend after not seeing her for a couple of years.  It turns out her hair is naturally dark brown with gray streaks.

 

That's a nice sentiment and all when you go don't go gray at 17. Premature graying isn't the worst thing in the world, but it still basically sucks. I don't consider myself a vain person, but IMHO, the time and money I spend at the salon is well spent.

[gardenmom5]

I now do a tri-color foil. it is also my splurge. My hair grows so fast, I decided short hair was actually more work. (and expense because it would have to be cut too.)

a tri-color foil blends the roots enough they aren't very noticeable even after four weeks.  it becomes a lot cheaper than roots AND a foil.  (I have very thick, and long, hair - there's no way I would try it myself. actually, I did try coloring my hair once.  not doing that again.)

I'm blonde - but I also have a fair number of pitch black hairs coming in to go with the gray and pure white.

 

Occasionally I do feel guilty about the expense - but I don't wear much make-up or jewelry. and my favorite wardrobe are jeans and t's.  besides - dh has hardly any gray.  just a smidge.  at his temples.  it. is. not. fair. . . . did I mention he's more than 10 years older than me?  so not fair . . .

[gardenmom5]

My mother started coloring her naturally blonde hair at some point.  She does it herself at home, so it is very cheap.  As she got older, she slowly changed it to a more ash blonde look rather than a yellow blonde.  It has always looked very natural, and it still does.  Now that it's an ash blonde, it still goes with her age because it kind of looks like there's a little subtle gray in there.  She's 87 and I'm sure she'll color it til her last breathe.

 

my mil is 90 - her hair is still black  . . . . ;)  

[Mommy22alyns]

When she darn well pleases!

[Jasperstone]

A neighbour went from being quite hip- brown haired bob to grey and short. And it aged her 20 years! I couldn't believe the difference.

 

My mum is 75 and still dyes her hair.

[Mommy22alyns]

Albeto, I hope you and your DH recover soon.

[KrissiK]

Whenever she wants to. I would not feel attractive with gray hair at my age (47). Honestly, I would only go all gray if I could manage a lovely head of silver hair. My mom is 77 and still colors her hair. It looks very nice and very natural. She looks wonderful for her age.

[Guest]

Hair color is for fun or pleasure.

 

No one should do it when it isn't fun or pleasure-producing.

 

I started greying as a teen and left to its own devices it's super grey now, and I get  a kick out of it. I sometimes color my hair, because I think it's fun and I like to change up my look a little sometimes.

 

Unless you ARE in the unfortunate position of trying to navigate ageism in the workplace (or dating scene?),....never, ever take the color of your hair too seriously unless it's absolutely necessary!

[Guest]

All I know for certain is that I'm not ready yet. (I am 44.) My process is two step (highlights and toner) and my grey is not that extensive yet. The two-step process is expensive. It would be less if I just went for one flat color, but I guess I am still to vain to do that. My color looks natural, my hair stays in good condition, and I get hair compliments from complete strangers...I honestly still want that. :)

[The Girls' Mom]

I voted whenever they are ready.  I think gray is beautiful on many women, and I wish it wasn't thought of negatively.  

I'm way too lazy to keep up with coloring mine, so it is going gray naturally.  I'm not 40 yet and have A LOT of gray.  That is too many years of coloring for me..lol.

[IfIOnly]

I don't have an opinion but just wanted to mention cheap and nontoxic DIY henna and other plant dyes for covering gray. http://www.hennaforhair.com/gray/realgraypeople.html

[mtomom]

I voted when she's ready.

I don't think coloring or not at any given age is unacceptable. I don't color my gray, and I'm under 50. The upkeep isn't worth the hassle to me. All my friends color, and I get why they would want to do that. To each her own.

[gardenmom5]

My hair started going gray in my teens. Yes, you read that right.

 

At 40, it is probably 95+% gray. I've thought about letting it go gray because it is super trendy right now, but I know that I would just look old vs. fashion forward.

 

So, I spend the economy of a small country coloring/highlighting my hair in the salon every 4 weeks. I don't know if I will ever stop. My grandmother is 92, lives in assisted living now, and still has a stylist come in every few weeks to color her hair red. It matches her inner fire. I imagine that if she ever gives up her red hair, it will be because that fire is close to going out. 

 

Heloise was gray in her teens too.  not everyone can carry that off.  I think she dyed it before eventually embracing it.  (gray can be difficult to color.)

 

My dad was gray at his wedding - he was 25.  my mother was using an ash blonde rinse from at least her 40's.  same color when she died at 75.

 

I don't know what my "natural gray" color currently is - and I've no intention of finding out in the near future. it was a rather dull and depressing color when I started highlighting my hair.

 

I've seen women who look good in their gray (with or without help), and I've seen some that are just very mousy.  if dh was gray, my attitude *might* be different.  he's a redhead (the color has dulled, but it's still red.).

[Lady Florida.]

I now do a tri-color foil. it is also my splurge. My hair grows so fast, I decided short hair was actually more work. (and expense because it would have to be cut too.)

a tri-color foil blends the roots enough they aren't very noticeable even after four weeks.  it becomes a lot cheaper than roots AND a foil.  (I have very thick, and long, hair - there's no way I would try it myself. actually, I did try coloring my hair once.  not doing that again.)

I'm blonde - but I also have a fair number of pitch black hairs coming in to go with the gray and pure white.

 

Occasionally I do feel guilty about the expense - but I don't wear much make-up or jewelry. and my favorite wardrobe are jeans and t's.  besides - dh has hardly any gray.  just a smidge.  at his temples.  it. is. not. fair. . . . did I mention he's more than 10 years older than me?  so not fair . . .

 

I'm going to have to ask about the tri-color foil next time and see if my hairdresser thinks it will work for me. I used to color my own hair (before I started going gray and just wanted a nicer color than mousy brown) but I prefer getting it done professionally now. Like you I don't splurge on other things. It's my treat to myself that I'm thankful we can afford. I don't even mind sitting there for several hours. I read or talk to the stylists and other customers.

 

Dh is fully gray and it looks really good on him. FIL is a Q-tip, but dh's hair is a nice "distinguished" gray rather that white. He works for a civilian contractor on a secure military base and they have badges. They're required to get them redone every few years. He came home somewhat shocked the day he got a new badge and under Hair Color, they put Gray. Yes, of course he knew he had gray hair, but there it was in writing on an official ID. :D

 

A neighbour went from being quite hip- brown haired bob to grey and short. And it aged her 20 years! I couldn't believe the difference.

 

My mum is 75 and still dyes her hair.

 

I just recently grew my hair back to shoulder length and am really liking it. I don't want it short again any time soon. I have this weird idea that if I let my gray come in I'm going to have to get a short Jamie Curtis style cut. Don't ask. I know it doesn't make any sense.  :lol:

[medawyn]

When I get around to really starting (I just have a few grays now), I probably won't stop, because I have that no-color gray. But I'll also be able to do a light shade of blonde that won't require a ton of maintenance.

 

On the other hand, I'm trying to convince my mother to quit. She has beautiful silver hair, and is currently having to dye it every two weeks to maintain her roots. Her hair would look healthier, and I think she would look younger if she would stop dying it. But the reality is, it's hard to go from brunette to gray without a lot of transition, and she can do it when she's ready.

 

ETA: my mother is 63

[elegantlion]

Whenever she wants. I'm 48 and quit this year because I'm finally ready to embrace the grey. I tried last year and just wasn't there. I'm honestly too exhausted to think about adding more thing and I used a box and did it at home. I let it grow out over the summer and most of the color is gone now. I trimmed my hair a bit to keep the roots from showing, but it's not totally grey, so it had a peppered look to it. Since I quit coloring, I notice my natural color is darker and more red than it used to be. 

 

If I had a job where it mattered, I might continue to color. 

[Tap]

Any age, but it is very important to keep it up if you start. Nothing looks worse than an inch of grow out.

[AlmiraGulch]

Honestly, if you like the way it looks then I don't see why you should stop.

 

My aunt (in her 70s) colors hers, and my mom has always talked about how ridiculous she thinks that is. My mom (nearing 80) hasn't colored hers for years.  She looks just fine, too.  I can't understand why mother cares if her sister colors her hair or not.  I find it odd.  

 

On another note, I recently started using the gray coverup highlight stuff you can buy at the grocery store on my sister when she didn't have money to go to the salon. When she did go to the fancy pants salon, he actually talked her out of highlights because he said her color was great.  She said the gray cover was from the grocery store, and he said he didn't care where it was from.  It worked.

 

The moral of the story is that even though I know this isn't about money, if you ever felt like just picking up the stuff from Publix or wherever you totally could and it would work out fine, and not be as much of a chore as going to the salon.  

[Guest]

It's kind of a whenever for me, too. Some women gray beautifully and carry it with panache. They can go gray a few decades earlier than women who look bedraggled and washed out by their salt and pepper coloration. For me? I anticipate it somewhere between 60-70, since I just colored again for the first time in years and look rather awesome :D

[Lady Florida.]

I got my first snowy white, wiry hair when I was 14. Yes. Fourteen.

 

By the time I graduated high school, I was discovering quite a few of them.

 

By the time I graduated college, I was plucking white hairs from my head daily. Yes. Daily.

 

By the time I turned 30, I had already been coloring my hair for nearly a decade.

 

By the time I turned 40, I had already been coloring my hair for 20 years.

 

I. Am. Done.

 

I am totally embracing the white.

 

If the gray haired woman in photos on your blog is you, it's a lovely shade and looks good on you (or whoever she is ;) ). 

[Butter]

I said other.  Whenever she wants, no age, if she even colors her hair in the first place.  My grandmother colored her hair until right before she died in her 80s.  My mother has never colored her hair ever.  I figure I won't color my hair when it starts going gray (I'm only 37 and have never even found a single gray hair - my mom didn't start going gray until her 60s).  I'm too lazy to keep up with coloring my hair to be honest.

[luuknam]

Maybe I should just dye my hair gray...

 

My uncle dyed (dyes?) his hair silvery gray because his natural grey is an ugly yellowy gray.

 

My grandmother had only very few gray hairs in her 80s when she died, the rest was dark. My mom is 61 and doesn't have any grey. My hair is still getting darker, so I'm thinking I'll go my mom's/grandmother's route. That said, my mom's cousin got grey at 19.

[JennyD]

 

My MIL is 69, has about the same amount of gray that I do and covers it with color.  She looks fantastic.  My Mom is 73 and stopped coloring her hair about 15 years ago, when it was finally all gray.  It's white now and she also looks great, but definitely older than my MIL.  

 

Interestingly, my parents spent last winter in a retirement community in Florida and apparently my mom was the only woman there who did not color her hair.  This was a sea of old people, but only the men had gray or white hair.  My dad said that my mom was super easy to spot, at least.

 

I'm 43 and have a fair amount of gray.  My hair is also messy, wavy, and frizzy, and while I try my best with good cuts and care to keep the overall look 'cute' rather than 'unkempt,' I'm pretty sure that letting it go salt-and-pepper would push me right over that line.  I started with lowlights a few years ago but they're no longer quite getting the job done and I think I have to move to single process soon.  Once I am totally gray, I may reconsider.  

 

 

 

[gardenmom5]

I'm going to have to ask about the tri-color foil next time and see if my hairdresser thinks it will work for me. 

 

 

 

Dh is fully gray and it looks really good on him. FIL is a Q-tip, but dh's hair is a nice "distinguished" gray rather that white. He works for a civilian contractor on a secure military base and they have badges. They're required to get them redone every few years. He came home somewhat shocked the day he got a new badge and under Hair Color, they put Gray. Yes, of course he knew he had gray hair, but there it was in writing on an official ID. :D

 

 

I just recently grew my hair back to shoulder length and am really liking it. I don't want it short again any time soon. I have this weird idea that if I let my gray come in I'm going to have to get a short Jamie Curtis style cut. Don't ask. I know it doesn't make any sense.  :lol:

 

 

we did have to play around with the colors a bit to get a combination that worked for me.  I wanted it to be similar to my "natural" color. 

I've thought that when i'm "ready" to gray, i'll probably start the transition by doing a gray-tone tri-foil. but right now - I have a lot of pitch black hairs . . . . and people still mistake me for sisters to my 30ish daughters.  if I was gray, that would be over.  (and I have a 10yo.)

 

dh has a friend who had to fill out a description, including hair-color.  he asked his staff what color his hair was . . . GRAY!!!!!!

 

I finally decided, even when I decide to go gray (if I do), I can have long hair.  I can continue wearing it up (it's as cool as super short.  I despise wearing my hair super short.  med. length is too hot.)

[Jackie]

Whenever she's ready.

 

I started going gray at 17. Yes, 17. I was probably 10% gray at 25 and am about 40% gray now at 37. I colored my hair as a teen before I got grays, so it's a combination of just having fun with hair color and covering the gray for me. I'm toying with growing out the gray but keeping my purple streaks, mostly because the upkeep is too much, both in time and money. Just haven't bitten that bullet.