I feel like a terrible Mom. Going Thursday to look at a preschool for my youngest.

[AimeeM]

I just... can't give him what he needs socially next year, if he remains this "high needs"; not with the older two at home and needing something resembling an education. 

Frankly, I couldn't give him what he needs with only ONE of the school aged kids home - not and give that school aged kiddo what they need.

Our days revolve around The Flying Marvelous Marco, and our attempts to stop him from climbing, flying, snitching crayons to decorate the walls while we're doing math, or whispering around lessons when finally falls into a nap, exhausted from his aforementioned climbing/falling antics.

He is sincerely SO sweet and affectionate - but he absolutely must always be the center of attention, or his entire woooorld falls apart *insert his dramatic, but graceful, fall to the ground, where he screams "maaaaaaa", and when that doesn't work, proceeds to grin and do something dangerous that is SURE to gain my attention*.

 

There is a lovely mission Catholic school very close by. Tuition is only $2500 per year, for five full days (I would be pulling him after lunch, however, because after that is just nap time for the 3 year olds). This is compared to the only other Catholic school with a 3 year old option, which charges about $3500 for only 3 half days. I know the parents there are super involved, volunteer a ton, etc; the woman who answered the phone's three year old son attends and she said he loves it.

 

Besides, this place has nuns. He NEEDS nuns :D

 

I go to tour the school Thursday afternoon. 

 

It wouldn't be until next year. He would continue to receive his ST on campus at the school (the STs will travel to daycare/school).

 

I feel terrible though. Seriously. I never thought I would send him away during the day. I feel relieved at the idea of being able to get a solid 5 hours of school in with the older children, but I feel terrible that it's the youngest of the bunch to go to school. I also feel like the incredible progress he's made, and happily, may not be met at the school. He would be bored to death with learning colors, when at home he's learning to read (after watching him with his beloved Leapfrog flashcards, the ST agreed that we should start, very gently, using that to teach him to blend and read, in order to help him blend words verbally - learning to read is his currency) and I have no clue if they offer anything beyond the basics. He is a bright, bright boy... but he's also a handful. 

 

So those who have sent youngers to preschool, please tell me it was worth it. If you regret, please also share that. No decisions have to be made right now, but I this school fills up very, very quickly, so I do have decide relatively soon. I'll probably go ahead and pay the deposit on Thursday, just to "save my spot", even if I decide not to do it. 

[EndOfOrdinary]

Two comments here. First off, save your sanity! If this is exhausting you, then by all means do what you need to to figure it out. You cannot be a good mom to anyone if you are worn out emotionally.

 

The other one is a bit less comforting. If your child feels the need to be the absolute focus or he will be naughty, then sending him into an environment where it is designed for him to NEVER be the focus might not be the best long term. If he acts out severely at the preschool, they will just tell you he cannot come back. If he hates going,he will act out even more at home. You might just want to brace yourself for a bit of a battle if you have a strong willed child. He might not like being in a place that he is required to conform in.

 

He might just love it as well. I do not mean to be all doom and gloom. Just wanting to throw a heads up out there.

[Tsuga]

Well... my kids are in public school, so take this with a grain of salt, but I've traveled quite a bit and I have yet to see a traditional society in which one adult stays cooped up in a car/house/public space where behavior is expected for 10 hours a day with 2+ children, and is the only person responsible for educating them.

 

That works for some families and that's great.

 

But if you're a failure, then 99.99% of human civilization is a failure. In nearly every society, women work TOGETHER to raise kids, kids are generally minded by other kids, with other kids, and education is carried out in a group.

 

Again, I deeply admire those who can make homeschooling work.

 

But if your kid needs more stimulation and a wider variety of authority figures, join the club. There's nothing wrong with being part of a community. People are social.

 

So you're leaving your wee one with the herd while you train the older ones in specific tasks. Sounds pretty reasonable to me! When I lived in Asia, the standard was to leave the wee ones with grandparents and take children 7 and up to do work during the summer. If you would have suggested that they work with a three year old in tow, they would have laughed until their sides split, and then looked at you condescendingly, as if you'd never really been around children before. Then they'd dump the three year old with the nearest grandma and go get something done, sending the seven-year-old home halfway through the day.

[Reflections]

Right now with my four year, I'm thinking along similar lines.  I think a half day program maybe three days a week sounds like heaven. He'd get social hours in and I'd be able to school in a relaxed fashion (sunshine and butterflies).  Sigh.  I too feel very guilty for my fantasy.  The cost around here is prohibitive and therefore I won't do it.  But I would at least try it if I could.

 

Having said that, my mil twisted and twisted my arm 5 years ago to get me to relent in letting my then 4yo try preschool.  She'd pay. She'd drive. She'd wash my hair and cook my dinners if I'd just say yes.  And she got my then 4yo to beg for it too. I was unhappy and annoyed, but I put on a smile and said sure, we'll try it. Within one week my then 4yo was crying about being left there.  He'd start crying Friday night that he had to go back on Monday.  He'd cry so long on Sunday night that he would be exhausted on Monday and it would be horrible to get him up to get there on time.  I gave it a month.  It never stopped.  I pulled him.  My mil didn't talk to me for a week (BONUS!).

 

So, imo, try it. Look at the contract and see if there is an "out" clause.  As in, will they charge you for the whole year's tuition if you pull him early?  No? Then try it and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and you'll regroup and try something else... like, you know, duct tape or something. <----- (for you literalists, I'm just kidding about the last part).

 

:grouphug: Nothing's easy.

[kiwik]

Is there no option where they just go and play and make stuff but no-one tries to teach them anything?

[Arcadia]

Besides, this place has nuns. He NEEDS nuns :D

 

The nuns can teach him to read :) I went to a catholic preschool. My catholic nun teacher (Italian) just passed recently at age 98 and was great at LA, math and science.

[Mom in High Heels]

I'm thinking about this for Han Solo (3) as well.  He's such a busy boy and is constantly getting into stuff, not to be bad, but to because he's curious.  He's so proud of himself when he does stuff, that it's hard to be mad, because I don't think he realizes it's bad.  We have gates to keep him out of the school room and from going upstairs, but there have been a few times where they haven't been latched properly, and he's slipped away while I was busy doing something.  Oy!  Today, Indy forgot to latch the gate upstairs, and I suddenly realized I hadn't heard Han Solo in a while (believe me, he's a child you hear), and I called his name.  He was upstairs.  I ran up to find him in my bathroom with James Bond's shaving cream.  It was all over the floor in some weird swirls, in a huge pile.  When I saw it, he looked at me and said "Look what I built!  It's a play set for my cars!"  A week or so ago, he got a package of powder, and made it "snow" all over his cars and basically the entire upstairs.  He thought it was "beautiful."  Sigh.  We have discussed him not being allowed to touch stuff that isn't his, but it hasn't stuck.  I try to understand that he's only 3, but when I'm cleaning power out of the FAN (which apparently made it snow "all over" his room.  He has loads of toys, and does spend time playing with them, but he's always wanting to build a play set or decorate them or whatever.  I've tried giving him stuff to do, like crafting, building, etc. but he's not all that interested in him.  I think going 2-3 days a week for a few hours a days might be good for all of us.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[ThisIsTheDay]

So those who have sent youngers to preschool, please tell me it was worth it. If you regret, please also share that. No decisions have to be made right now, but I this school fills up very, very quickly, so I do have decide relatively soon. I'll probably go ahead and pay the deposit on Thursday, just to "save my spot", even if I decide not to do it. 

 

Oh my goodness, you poor thing. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself.  You don't have to live up to some imagined ideal of homeschooling.  You're doing what you do because it's right for your family--be it curriculum, scheduling, activities, and this includes giving children whatever opportunity is best for keeping everything GOOD in your family.

 

We began hsing when we pulled my just-turned-7yo out of 1st grade.  My other child had just turned 3.  He was already in a lovely preschool program two or three mornings a week, and we used that time at home to our advantage.

 

We moved the following year, and he stayed home with us because I couldn't find a preschool I liked. When he was 5, I put him in another program that was 2 half days a week.  I knew I could devote 100% of that time to my older child.  He loved going out and playing with the other kids, a larger group of his age.  You know how they can be, like a bunch of puppies running around.  He was already reading. He would read books to kids during free time, and he would read worksheets to his neighbors when the teachers were going around helping other children.  The teacher told me that he was one of a very small percentage that she'd ever worked with, and that there was little she could do to challenge him.  (It was not a school, it was a preschool geared towards play, which is what I wanted.)  By the end of the year, he was bored sometimes, so we kept it open--he could stay home sometimes, sometimes he could go to school.  It was a perfect fit for us at the time.  I did not feel like he needed to be there every day; it wasn't like he'd miss something important.

 

You are not a bad mom. Continue to evaluate how things are working--just as you would with all of your children, whether they were home or not.  You are not committing yourself to something you can't get out of.  If it helps, take it one month at a time.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Suzanne115]

My four year old started preschool when she was two.  Her sister was involved in several homeschool classes and she wanted something for herself.  She started preschool two days a week.  We have continued to let her go to preschool two days a week.  She loves it.  Next year, I will have to find a homeschool group that takes kindergarteners for her.  She totally doesn't want to get left out!!  It also gives me time to focus solely on my oldest.  You have to do what works for you.  Different things work for different families.  It isn't anything to feel guilty about.

 

 

Suzanne

[Starr]

Mine went to preschool and then homeschooled. We started with preschool because that's was common in our area and I hadn't really considered homeschooling. In the end if public school had only been half a day I might have left them in school.

[Jann in TX]

No regrets about sending youngest dd to preschool.  Her's was only 2 days a week- but we would have considered a 5 day option if it was available.

Those 2 days (9-3) allowed older dds to get some quality schooling done (youngest dd was very sweet but very active and ALWAYS in the middle of things demanding our attention).

 

DD3 thrived in preschool...

 

I must add that we chose not to homeschool youngest dd... she is stil thriving in a more social setting and homeschoolers in our area have limited options-- this coupled with the need for me to work full time made it the best option for our family-- thankfully our local schools are very good and she has a great peer group (she was in preschool with most of them!).

[alisoncooks]

I sent my oldest to church preschool when she was four. I sent youngest when she was three. It remains some of their favorite memories! They had a wonderful experience. I sent them just for the chance to run and play and sing and make crafts. Mission accomplished.

[AimeeM]

Two comments here. First off, save your sanity! If this is exhausting you, then by all means do what you need to to figure it out. You cannot be a good mom to anyone if you are worn out emotionally.

 

The other one is a bit less comforting. If your child feels the need to be the absolute focus or he will be naughty, then sending him into an environment where it is designed for him to NEVER be the focus might not be the best long term. If he acts out severely at the preschool, they will just tell you he cannot come back. If he hates going,he will act out even more at home. You might just want to brace yourself for a bit of a battle if you have a strong willed child. He might not like being in a place that he is required to conform in.

 

He might just love it as well. I do not mean to be all doom and gloom. Just wanting to throw a heads up out there.

If he can be kept busy, he's rarely naughty. Busy being the buzzword here, lol. 

 

He loves "people" in general, but before I commit to anything, or pay any deposits, my main concern would be how they handle his speech frustration. Are they going to get angry/upset and discipline (i.e. timeout) when he tries to talk to them, can't very well, and becomes frustrated (he won't hurt them - he'll just flail on the ground)? We were told absolutely NOT to discipline over the speech frustration. According to them, a high number of the children are receiving on site therapy for something like DS is, so I have to believe they've dealt with it before, but... meh.

[AimeeM]

Is there no option where they just go and play and make stuff but no-one tries to teach them anything?

I'm not sure, lol. I am hoping that this is more play based than anything.

[Chris in VA]

A few thoughts--

 

Based on your description of your dear little one, I would look for a school with NO sit down/worksheet oriented time. I'd look for at least 45 minute "center time" blocks. I would look for a playground with interesting things, and ask what they do to supplement the equipment. I would look for at least 30 minutes of outdoor time. Ideally, I'd put your kiddo in a Forest School, an outdoor-based program, but those are few and far between.

 

(Replies are popping up as I write this, so forgive any redundancy.)

 

I'd also remember just how much littles grow in 10 months--you could have a COMPLETELY different experience in September. 10 months' growth and maturity is, what, 3/4 his lifetime? Or whatever. lol 

 

And, as a teacher, I will tell you a child really needs some self-control to be successful in a typical preschool classroom. Make sure you ask what kind of discipline they use. Buzz words ( like Conscious Discipline) can help you discover what he'd be exposed to--look for a program that redirects, doesn't use a lot of time out, and of course, doesn't use paddling. Ask lots of questions--you want process art, not crafts--look at the walls to see if they do a lot of pattern-based cut out stuff--and run if that's ALL you see. You want rich block building, a book center, dramatic play that changes from time to time (not JUST housekeeping/kitchen), etc. I'd look for a Reggio Emilia based school if you can find one. But if you are set on the one you mentioned, set him up for success.

 

Again, you have a long time before he has to be able to integrate into the classroom. Start some routines now--"gentle hands," self-care (like putting his plate up from dinner or sweeping with a hand broom--check into Montessori practical life skills for 2s), using words to describe his frustrations and feelings, etc. Give him a safe place to explore--a sensory bin with you watching, puzzles, good blocks (look at Pinterest for extensions in this area) and playdough, and that sort of thing. YOu can do preschool at home, you really can. But I support the idea of going out. You just don't want his little spirit to be crushed by a harsh teacher or a teacher who likes a ton of control.

[Okra]

My kids ABSOLUTELY loved preschool!  Best thing ever.  They had crafts every day, sometimes an easel with paints, new toys to play with, new books to listen to, and a great playground to play on!  And guess what?  I did not have to plan or clean up any activities.  Kids really enjoyed the DIFFERENT activities offered there.

 

I think you should definitely try this.  It could work out great for everyone.  A break for you as well as new, fun, different stuff for him to do.  

[Dmmetler]

FWIW, my extremely intelligent, reading Magic Tree House fluently at age 2 kiddo LOVED 3 yr old preschool, because it was mostly focused on herding cats-getting a group of kids barely past potty training to move together, use words to communicate, play with each other, and stuff like that. Academic instruction really was secondary to social and emotional learning, and what was there was generally done individually enough that the teachers could accommodate her pretty well.   Kindergarten at 4 was a poor fit, but 3 yr old preschool was, overall, a good year.

 

 

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

If you're considering preschool, I hope you can find one that gets kids out in wild nature (calms down the most intense ones, delights all of them!) and also that is more developmental than academic, with lots of reading aloud and music, and a minimum of academics.

[SKL]

Preschool is not a bad thing.  Try it and see how he does.  There is not much downside in my opinion.

 

My younger brother was very high maintenance at home, but at preschool he was the angel child.  It could happen.  :)

[Hikin' Mama]

I sent my oldest to preschool. That was before I decided to homeschool. Does that make me a terrible mom? I sure hope not. :) And all of my kids, two who are already out of the house, have told me I'm a good mom. So at least they think so. ;)

 

You know, part of being a good mom is meeting each child's needs. And wow is that hard, because they are all so different. At least my three were. If this is best for your child, then the decision to do it would make you a mom who is trying to do the best for her kids. Homeschooling, no matter what some of the die-hards tell you is NOT the only way to educate. Most of my friends sent their kids to public school. They are all good moms, from whom I've learned so much. They also have delightful adult kids.

 

Aimee, when I've read your posts, I've always thought you seem like a lovely person. Doing what is best for your kids is between you, your husband, and God. Don't listen to anyone else. :)

[EmilyGF]

My toddler is going to preschool next year most likely. The days are short, it'll help DH get to work earlier, he'll get a chance to run around more than he can here, my older kids can have order in the morning, and it'll help us to get out of the house daily during winter.

 

Your job is to raise your children. Just like there are times store bought bread make sense, there are times outsourcing other things make sense and are the best.

[SKL]

He loves "people" in general, but before I commit to anything, or pay any deposits, my main concern would be how they handle his speech frustration. Are they going to get angry/upset and discipline (i.e. timeout) when he tries to talk to them, can't very well, and becomes frustrated (he won't hurt them - he'll just flail on the ground)? We were told absolutely NOT to discipline over the speech frustration. According to them, a high number of the children are receiving on site therapy for something like DS is, so I have to believe they've dealt with it before, but... meh.

 

I think it is likely they are used to this issue.  It isn't uncommon at all.  They might actually have some great ideas you haven't thought of.

 

Of course let them know the issue so they understand why it's happening.

 

Speech often improves in preschool as they see other children using language.

[melbotoast]

I sent my high energy DS to preschool and it was great for him and me. He needed constant attention and I needed a break! There's no reason to feel guilty about doing what's best for your family.

[momto10blessings]

I sent my 3 oldest kids to prek and would have sent the others if money wasn't a factor. Yes they already knew their colors and letters but they still really enjoyed their days there.

 

Are you sending him next school year (as in September) or next year (January)? If in September, his speech issues may not be as big a deal as they are now. Kids can grow in leaps and bounds in 10 months!

[texasmama]

I sent my youngest three to preschool.  No regrets at all.  It was good for all of us.  I wish I had such a simple answer to some of my issues with one kid now, but the issues get bigger and the solutions scarcer as they get older.  Enjoy this time!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I have a couple of friends who sent their children to Montessori preschool and then pulled them out to homeschool.  It worked for them.  I would have concerns about such a "free spirit" being confined by some nuns.  If he can't help himself and his need to run, you run the risk of him being labelled as the bad kid.  I would personally find a play-based preschool so he can have an outlet for his energy in a confined environment to give you a break. 

[AimeeM]

Oh they definitely do NOT paddle. Paddling in catholic schools has been outlawed since... well, a long time. Longer than it's been outlawed in many public schools (there are public districts in my state that still paddle). I know that my husband attended Catholic school in the 70's and 80's, and while some of the nuns still occasionally ear-pulled, there was no paddling even then (no worries - they aren't even allowed to ear pull now!). 

Beyond that, I'm pretty rabidly anti-paddling. 

 

I am really hoping when I get there that play time is set up into blocks like you describe. Really, really hoping for that, lol. 

He does have self control in that he doesn't hit, bite, etc. The only person he is in danger of hurting with his antics is himself :P Unless, of course, the other boys think his antics look like great fun and decide to try them, too, in which case I could be pretty scr*wed. 

 

I definitely do realize, and agree, that so much can change in 10 months time. That's why I'm considering paying the "hold my spot" deposit, but not making the final decision until I absolutely have to. 

 

I would really rather keep him home. I hope that over the next year at home we can figure out how to make him happy, without me having to devote all of my attention to him, all the time (because when he IS quiet, it's generally a very bad thing, lol). 

 

 

A few thoughts--

 

Based on your description of your dear little one, I would look for a school with NO sit down/worksheet oriented time. I'd look for at least 45 minute "center time" blocks. I would look for a playground with interesting things, and ask what they do to supplement the equipment. I would look for at least 30 minutes of outdoor time. Ideally, I'd put your kiddo in a Forest School, an outdoor-based program, but those are few and far between.

 

(Replies are popping up as I write this, so forgive any redundancy.)

 

I'd also remember just how much littles grow in 10 months--you could have a COMPLETELY different experience in September. 10 months' growth and maturity is, what, 3/4 his lifetime? Or whatever. lol 

 

And, as a teacher, I will tell you a child really needs some self-control to be successful in a typical preschool classroom. Make sure you ask what kind of discipline they use. Buzz words ( like Conscious Discipline) can help you discover what he'd be exposed to--look for a program that redirects, doesn't use a lot of time out, and of course, doesn't use paddling. Ask lots of questions--you want process art, not crafts--look at the walls to see if they do a lot of pattern-based cut out stuff--and run if that's ALL you see. You want rich block building, a book center, dramatic play that changes from time to time (not JUST housekeeping/kitchen), etc. I'd look for a Reggio Emilia based school if you can find one. But if you are set on the one you mentioned, set him up for success.

 

Again, you have a long time before he has to be able to integrate into the classroom. Start some routines now--"gentle hands," self-care (like putting his plate up from dinner or sweeping with a hand broom--check into Montessori practical life skills for 2s), using words to describe his frustrations and feelings, etc. Give him a safe place to explore--a sensory bin with you watching, puzzles, good blocks (look at Pinterest for extensions in this area) and playdough, and that sort of thing. YOu can do preschool at home, you really can. But I support the idea of going out. You just don't want his little spirit to be crushed by a harsh teacher or a teacher who likes a ton of control.

 

[AimeeM]

I have a couple of friends who sent their children to Montessori preschool and then pulled them out to homeschool.  It worked for them.  I would have concerns about such a "free spirit" being confined by some nuns.  If he can't help himself and his need to run, you run the risk of him being labelled as the bad kid.  I would personally find a play-based preschool so he can have an outlet for his energy in a confined environment to give you a break. 

The play based preschools in the area are too far away, and for too short a time, for it to be worth it. By the time we drive there and back home, and then settling in the other kids at home, after dropping him off, we would have MAYBE 2 hours at home before having to head back out again.

 

They only have a couple nuns - the rest are lay people. If they even hinted at him being "bad" because of his boy-ish energy, mom wouldn't hesitate to drop the program faster than you can say "not going to happen", lol.

[AimeeM]

I sent my 3 oldest kids to prek and would have sent the others if money wasn't a factor. Yes they already knew their colors and letters but they still really enjoyed their days there.

 

Are you sending him next school year (as in September) or next year (January)? If in September, his speech issues may not be as big a deal as they are now. Kids can grow in leaps and bounds in 10 months!

It would be next August (when the school year starts in our state). He isn't eligible until age 3, and he will not be 3 until June.

[AimeeM]

I think it is likely they are used to this issue.  It isn't uncommon at all.  They might actually have some great ideas you haven't thought of.

 

Of course let them know the issue so they understand why it's happening.

 

Speech often improves in preschool as they see other children using language.

I was talking to his early interventionist and she believes similar - that preschool could help his speech (she's very supportive of us homeschooling in general, lest anyone think she's just trying to get my minions in school, lol). 

[fairfarmhand]

If he can be kept busy, he's rarely naughty. Busy being the buzzword here, lol. 

 

I think you know your child and what will work for your family.

 

He will probably be okay. Give it a try and see how it goes.

 

You're not a failure.

I love your comment about him needing nuns!

[Tiramisu]

I vote for nuns. :)

 

I'm someone who made the choice to put a high needs kid in school. It was really best for her and our family. It was great until we hit middle school drama and social influences, but I still think the day to day structure of school is important for her overall functioning.

[AimeeM]

I sent my oldest to preschool. That was before I decided to homeschool. Does that make me a terrible mom? I sure hope not. :) And all of my kids, two who are already out of the house, have told me I'm a good mom. So at least they think so. ;)

 

You know, part of being a good mom is meeting each child's needs. And wow is that hard, because they are all so different. At least my three were. If this is best for your child, then the decision to do it would make you a mom who is trying to do the best for her kids. Homeschooling, no matter what some of the die-hards tell you is NOT the only way to educate. Most of my friends sent their kids to public school. They are all good moms, from whom I've learned so much. They also have delightful adult kids.

 

Aimee, when I've read your posts, I've always thought you seem like a lovely person. Doing what is best for your kids is between you, your husband, and God. Don't listen to anyone else. :)

I hope I'm a lovely person, but more often than not these days, I just feel frazzled, lol!

 

He is a very social little dude. So different from my middle son who really doesn't care about people outside his immediate family unit, and definitely doesn't have the energy my little Flying Dude does :P

[AimeeM]

I think you know your child and what will work for your family.

 

He will probably be okay. Give it a try and see how it goes.

 

You're not a failure.

I love your comment about him needing nuns!

The child who probably needs holy water the most is the one we hire a sitter for on Sundays... because not even the cry room can contain him, lol. I'm only half joking when I threaten to dunk him in the holy water  :glare: .

[AimeeM]

If you're considering preschool, I hope you can find one that gets kids out in wild nature (calms down the most intense ones, delights all of them!) and also that is more developmental than academic, with lots of reading aloud and music, and a minimum of academics.

Oh I can't imagine a school focusing on academics at this age. Is that even possible? The only way my High Energy Minion knows what he knows is from moving and doing - dancing during Leapfrog, mom's desperate attempts to quiet him during car rides (more Leapfrog!), and listening in on his brother's lessons.

 

They seem to have very frequent recess periods, and they have a separate playground for the P3-K kiddos at the school - and a huge gym for bad weather days. None of the schools that are worth it, driving distance wise, have the ability to really get out in nature - we live in a downtown district, so most of the schools are on smaller lots and in either residential or commercial areas.

[gardenmom5]

are you also trying to figure out what is actually going on with him?  having him evaluated etc?  (I would by  a naturopath with experience in this area.)  biochemicals in diet and environment can make a huge impact on behavior with sensitive kids.

 

but sometimes you do what you've got to do.  you've got other kids at home who also need your attention.  and putting him in preschool may free up energy to be able to look into is there something causing all of this behavior and being able to help him.

[grantmeawish]

I have three dc. I send the 4 year old to school for 4 hours a day. It's great! We get stuff done and we are all happier. In the mornings he says he wants to stay home but when I pick him up he tells me he had a great day. I don't feel bad.

[DianeW88]

The teachers may not punish him for his speech frustrations, but other kids will definitely notice, and may tease him about it. With that age group, it probably won't go beyond calling him a baby, but three year olds are quite astute, and quick to pick up on differences. And teachers are only human, and unfortunately can't catch everything. Has he had experience with being teased, and how does he handle that?

[Tanaqui]

Lots of people send their kids to preschool. You don't think they're all bad parents. They're just trying to do what's best for their family and their kids. You're doing the same. Doing something different from your ideal when your ideal isn't working is being a good parent. Sticking with something that doesn't work just because that's what you decided to do is what makes people bad parents.

[KRG]

I sent my youngest to preschool this year.  It was the absolute best and most wonderful decision for us!  He loves it.  He goes 3 days a week now and will probably start 5 days in January.  He needed the social interaction.  It's led me to think that he will probably attend public school as well.  He needs to be around people and constant activity.  Our town basically no longer has any homeschool group--I think there might be one very exclusive one but I'm not in the loop anymore. Preschool has been great for him and my oldest has quiet to get his school work done.  I highly recommend it.  

[SKL]

The teachers may not punish him for his speech frustrations, but other kids will definitely notice, and may tease him about it. With that age group, it probably won't go beyond calling him a baby, but three year olds are quite astute, and quick to pick up on differences. And teachers are only human, and unfortunately can't catch everything. Has he had experience with being teased, and how does he handle that?

 

I didn't observe any "picking on" when my kids were in preschool.  Periodic crying, fussing, potty accidents etc. were just part of the day.  Even in KG when they had a kid who had violent daily tantrums (including hitting other kids), the other kids merely observed solemnly what was happening.

 

I think it may depend on how the adults handle things, as the kids observe this very closely.  If the adults act matter-of-fact, the kids will too.

 

That is something to watch for during the OP's tour of the facility, though.

[Truscifi]

We've already started looking for a half day program for Babyman for next year. He is just so busy, and nap time is getting shorter. And Brotherman is hitting middle school and has a lot more academic work coming up, so he needs to be able to focus.

 

:leaving:

[kentuckymom]

The teachers may not punish him for his speech frustrations, but other kids will definitely notice, and may tease him about it. With that age group, it probably won't go beyond calling him a baby, but three year olds are quite astute, and quick to pick up on differences. And teachers are only human, and unfortunately can't catch everything. Has he had experience with being teased, and how does he handle that?

 

Both of my kids had huge articulation problems, and they never experienced teasing in school because of it, at least not that I heard about. And, given how sensitive both of them are, I'm pretty sure I would have heard about it. Squirrelboy was still pretty hard to understand in kindergarten and his classmates would actually try to help when the teacher didn't understand him "Are you trying to say.....?" Kittygirl is ahead of where Squirrelboy was at this age, but she's still hard to understand most of the time. Based on my observations when helping at her cooperative preschool, her friends just ask her to repeat herself or use different words when they don't understand her. She's also not above pointing and acting things out if no one understands her words. I wouldn't worry about speech affecting a preschool experience.

[Crimson Wife]

So those who have sent youngers to preschool, please tell me it was worth it.

 

Yes, putting my little one in 25 hr/wk Early Intervention preschool at 2 yrs 3 months was absolutely the right decision for our family.

 

If she had been an only child and we had the budget to pay out of pocket for speech therapy, OT, and all the other services she got at preschool maybe the answer would be different. But I can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. I have two other kids to worry about educating and a limited budget for paying for therapy. So while EI and later the district preschool may not be the ideal, it was the best option for the circumstances. DD has made a ton of progress over the past 3.5 years and she loves school.

 

Don't feel guilty about doing what you think is best for your family.

[Tsuga]

Why are you on a homeschool board if you are so obviously against it???  I'm confused.  I don't think homeschooling is for everyone, but you obviously don't like it so why are you here?

 

1. This is a classical education board, not a homeschooling board.

 

2. Don't confuse thinking that homeschooling is a very challenging enterprise, with being against it.

 

3. Don't confuse "school is not bad" with "homeschooling is bad". I think there are actually a variety of options all of which may work for different people at different times. For OP, she's worried because she feels that 100% homeschooling with 100% of her kids 100% of the school day may not work, and what I'm saying is, "That is really, truly normal." I like schools. I asked to be homeschooled as a child for awhile. I've paid for private school, and I like public school. Education is a pragmatic issue, not a religious issue. If it works, it works.

 

I don't life life in black and white. Homeschooling is great when you can make it work. It is also REALLY FLIPPING HARD and anyone who thinks it's not hard has not had the luxury of seeing my life--drop off the kids, then do work I enjoy for the day, followed up by an afternoon of homework, cooking, and off to bed. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy compared to homeschooling.

 

Going back to work in an office was super fun for me. I remember my mother telling us that after staying home with us as small children, waiting tables for a 10-hour shift with an alcoholic boss who yelled seemed like one big party. "He yells but he doesn't pee on the floor!"

[Lady Florida.]

I haven't BTDT so my response is based on your post and what I know of you from other posts of yours over the years.

 

Somehow, the homeschooling community (in general, not here) has convinced many homeschooing parents that putting kids, one or all, in school is a sign of failure. Homeschooling is one way to educate. It's not the only way. For many it's the best way. For some it's not the right choice. Choice. That's the key word. We have the privilege of choosing what's the best way to educate our children. Even within a family what works for one might not be the right thing for another. 

 

A terrible mom would make a choice based on what she wants, not on what's best for her child. You said in your OP that you can't meet his needs at home and that he needs this. You seem to have conflicting thoughts - he needs it, but will they be able to challenge him. Could your feelings of guilt be coming from that plus the fact that you feel relieved? It's okay to feel that way. There's no shame in not feeling bad about sending a child to school. It sounds like you've made a choice that will be a positive thing for your youngest, your other children, and for you. You should feel relieved about that!

 

If it ends up being the wrong choice, think about this. He's young. He will either thrive or it won't be the best thing for him. Either way, one year of preschool will not make or break him. You can always bring him home again the following year.

 

 

[KarenNC]

I have one child and, full disclosure, when she was 2-3 I daydreamed of boarding military preschool! I was totally exhausted trying to keep up with her hunger for engagement and we both needed a break for our sanity. I put her in a play-based half-day preschool--2 half days at 2, 3 half days at 3, 4 half days at 4. It was a life saver! We did start some limited academic work at 4 at her request at home, and she has been homeschooled since the end of preschool (now in high school). Homeschooling doesn't have to be all or nothing. We've used a combo of "pure" homeschooling (where I even developed the curriculum) to co-ops to paid outside classes to a hybrid program with the public school. Full time public school has always been on the table as an option (private has not due to cost). It's all about what works best for you at any given time.

 

Interestingly, I would have sworn she was a total extrovert as a child, but her inherited introvert tendencies showed up more once she hit puberty. She still has friends and a lot of activities, but the craving for downtime to recharge is much more apparent.

[Alice]

I sent my oldest to preschool. That was before I decided to homeschool. Does that make me a terrible mom? I sure hope not. :) And all of my kids, two who are already out of the house, have told me I'm a good mom. So at least they think so. ;)

 

You know, part of being a good mom is meeting each child's needs. And wow is that hard, because they are all so different. At least my three were. If this is best for your child, then the decision to do it would make you a mom who is trying to do the best for her kids. Homeschooling, no matter what some of the die-hards tell you is NOT the only way to educate. Most of my friends sent their kids to public school. They are all good moms, from whom I've learned so much. They also have delightful adult kids.

 

Aimee, when I've read your posts, I've always thought you seem like a lovely person. Doing what is best for your kids is between you, your husband, and God. Don't listen to anyone else. :)

 

Because liking it wasn't enough. I absolutely agree with this. I haven't yet had any of my kids go to school elsewhere and homeschooling works for us for now. But I think part of parenting is knowing your kids and knowing that there is no single solution that is going to fit every single kid or family. Or even a single solution that might fit one kid every year. Being willing to do what is best for your kid (not someone else's) is what makes a good parent. 

[chiguirre]

Trinqueta loved her Montessori preschool and at that age there were very limited group options for homeschoolers. As she got older, it wasn't a problem to switch from preschool to park day and co op classes. It flowed pretty seamlessly.