awisha. Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 A precious child and a respected board member have recently passed away and there have been far too many inane, pointless, downright rude and disrespectful threads being made. I think it would be a good idea to have a month of only positive, happy, fun and good threads made on the chat board out of respect of those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. If you agree with me (or not) please vote in the poll and if there's enough interest maybe we can get the mods to do something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I must be reading a different board. I haven't noticed rude and disrespectful, and inane and pointless, is kind of the whole point of the chat board, and I haven't really seen much of that either, so... I'm somewhat confused by this thread, actually. I vote No. Keep it real. Holy run on sentence with comma overusage, Batman. But, it's 2:45 am and I'm on my phone so it stands! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I must be reading a different board. I haven't noticed rude and disrespectful, and inane and pointless, is kind of the whole point of the chat board, and I haven't really seen much of that either, so... I'm somewhat confused by this thread, actually. I vote No. Keep it real. Holy run on sentence with comma overusage, Batman. But, it's 2:45 am and I'm on my phone so it stands! This. I'm honesty confused as to what you're talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I must be reading a different board. I haven't noticed rude and disrespectful, and inane and pointless, is kind of the whole point of the chat board, and I haven't really seen much of that either, so... I'm somewhat confused by this thread, actually. I vote No. Keep it real. Holy run on sentence with comma overusage, Batman. But, it's 2:45 am and I'm on my phone so it stands! I agree with this. I've seen plenty of inane and pointless, and I ignore those threads. I haven't seen rude and disrespectful, though maybe they're there and I just haven't seen them. Also, if we were to ban "negative" posts for a month ... where does that leave those who are having some serious problems of their own? Are they to suck it up and deal with it for a month, even if they need advice or comfort now? (And where would we draw the line anyway--can we still post homeschool-related troubles--that is the purpose of these boards, after all--but no threads about family problems?) While it's true that those who are mourning may hit the "pause" button on their lives, we don't show respect for them or for those they have lost by ignoring the reality that life really is going on for others. All we do is fail to show respect to those others who are hurting, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I appreciate your thoughts re putting our petty troubles in perspective, I really do. Not quite sure what threads you mean, and don't need them called out. Your idea sounds wonderful, but then I think, what if we were doing that, and someone had a tragedy? I'd hate to have them not able to get support. And, I bear in mind that sometimes what seems trivial to me is actually quite a big deal and causing real distress in someone's life. And vice versa. I'd like to be kind. We are not all in the same place WRT various maturities in handling our lives, and all have our issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I don't see many pointless, inane threads. And even if there were, I can't imagine that any of those who are struggling would EVER think this is a good idea. They would be counted among some of the most "real" boardies we have. Honestly, this thread baffles me completely. How would a month of positive posts here show respect? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I only tend to read a handful of threads, so I can easily miss many things, but there is one thing I know and have told my family repeatedly... If something ever happens and I pass on early, I don't want them to stop living. Some grief will happen, of course, as we're all human and we truly miss the companionship and lives of those who are gone. I know I'd grieve for quite a while for any of my kids, for hubby, or for my mom, but I wouldn't want the world to stop. Maybe I'm just unusual though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I know when I am in pain and grief, it is hard to believe the world is still moving and that others are just going about their lives. It is a shock, thinking about the rest of the rest of the world. because the pain is so great, I think I'll never be normal again and I'd wonder how I'd ever rejoin the world again. And it seems so strange that people are going about their daily lives. I think it is good to acknowledge losses and set aside time and space to grieve. I am glad people are doing that with different threads and gifts for Rosie and Moira. I'm not sure about limiting all the threads on the board, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 As nice as it sounds to only have pleasant threads, there are board members who have tragedy and hardships in their lives. Being able to share and receive support from their "friends" here is a way for them to go through those hard times. I would hate for someone to feel the need to share while a rule like you propose is in place. So, I vote no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I missed the rude and disrespectful posts. The strength of the Chat board community is our ability to mix the heartbreaking, the inane, the serious, and the giddy. I don't think we should change the essence of the board in an attempt to show support for those who are grieving. Who knows? They may come here in their grief needing a distracting kilt thread. Also, if we had put this rule in place right after Marek's death, we wouldn't have been able to learn of Moira's death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I voted no, if people get to rude or insensitive the mods will take care of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 No. Authenticity is worthwhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Are all the moderators on board with this, since they would be the ones to police it? Not everyone is going to see this thread, so there would be plenty of people who wouldn't know they aren't supposed to post anything but happy stuff. I get your point here (though I also haven't noticed any rude threads, but I also don't read every post). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Lots of good points made so far. Mine is what happens if we have another tragedy? Do we reset positive again for another month? What about after that? If we do it now, we have to do it for everyone and in this crazy world, and on this diverse board, there is no telling what we may hear. I'm truly sorry for the losses of members on our board, but I don't think asking the board to stop posting certain things is a good response. And who defines pointless and inane? Some people thrive on discussion that challenges them. Sure, we all want to see some nice posts about kilts and cupcakes, but there is not much of a personal challenge in only focusing on roses and kittens. Does that make sense? Sometimes it's the pointless and inane that helps us put our world into perspective by giving us different viewpoints. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 No. Authenticity is worthwhile. I know I won't be the only person to agree with this, but I'll start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 At the risk of making assumptions, I'm going to throw this out there. I don't think Moira would have supported this policy either. Though I only knew her from this board, never met her in person or spoke to her in person, based on her postings here, I think she was someone who valued debate, honest and real, and was not inclined to hide her feelings or ideas in order to spare someone else. She had a sharp, incisive wit and did not suffer fools gladly. So I think she would have wanted people to "carry on", remembering her in the process. I don't think Moira would have supported censorship. As for Rosie's loss, she has already spoken in this thread so we know exactly where she stands. We all are completely free to ignore rude postings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zuzu822 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I can think of at least two other board members dealing with very difficult times (one thread is right on the front page of the Chat Board), and I would absolutely hate to restrict this space as a means of support for them. I have been a member for a long time, though I rarely post and only in fairly light threads here or on the education boards, but I have not seen anything disrespectful nor even particularly inane. Lighthearted yes, but I think this board often has a particular knack for mixing the sensitive and HARD and the fun without crossing into ridiculous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I'm sure we all share the wish that there would be nothing but happiness and joy for everyone here, but banning discussion about life's difficulties and tragedies will not prevent them from happening. And those who are experiencing sadness should feel free to come here for the support they need. Also, who gets to decide what is inane and pointless, and what is worthy of discussion? You? Me? SWB? (And does she really want to spend her time policing every.little.post. on this board?) Life rolls on. Manure occureth ( as my fil's t-shirt proclaims.) And that's why it is so wonderful to have an online community like this to come to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awisha. Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 I think what I was trying to say came out wrong (as usual). I could've written an essay but then it would be a case of TL:DR. Sorry for the confusion... some of the replies have touched on what I am thinking but they knew how to express the feelings/words better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Also, if we had put this rule in place right after Marek's death, we wouldn't have been able to learn of Moira's death. Or JFSinIL's accident. Or been able to offer support for Melinda S in TX or Hockeybaseballmom. And those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I've probably missed some, and I apologize for that. I'm guessing we all enjoy fun, upbeat, positive threads . . . but in reality life is just too complicated to limit the board to those, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I don't think we're respecting anyone by being the thought police. I don't think the mods want to be thought police. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I have a confession, I initially thought the "Share your good news!" thread was a touch disrespectful. I know intentions were nothing but good and it was an individual poster sharing her good news and opening that up. I don't have a problem with any one person at all. But when I saw that thread, it seemed to me to be a just a little off when posted right next to some really gut-punching threads recently which were so moving and important. Kind of like when someone gets uncomfortable with a serious discussion and posts about cupcakes or whatever...... sometimes that's just what's needed, but sometimes it feels dismissive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I think a better idea would be to start and participate in the type of threads you want to see more of and avoid the ones you find upsetting or inane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 To allow only "positive" threads and comments will: *lead to arguments over what is and is not acceptable *be impossible to police with any fairness *discourage people who truly need to post and get feedback from doing so (no, you can't post about your problem or loss because it occurred during our positive-only window) *drive people away from the Chat Room and the WTM forums Well-meant, I'm sure, but an idea full of negative impact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I have a confession, I initially thought the "Share your good news!" thread was a touch disrespectful. I know intentions were nothing but good and it was an individual poster sharing her good news and opening that up. I don't have a problem with any one person at all. But when I saw that thread, it seemed to me to be a just a little off when posted right next to some really gut-punching threads recently which were so moving and important. Kind of like when someone gets uncomfortable with a serious discussion and posts about cupcakes or whatever...... sometimes that's just what's needed, but sometimes it feels dismissive.I know that I love hearing good news. It seems like all we hear on the news or all the prayer requests I receive are all bad news. It's nice to be reminded of the good in the world every once in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I only tend to read a handful of threads, so I can easily miss many things, but there is one thing I know and have told my family repeatedly... If something ever happens and I pass on early, I don't want them to stop living. Some grief will happen, of course, as we're all human and we truly miss the companionship and lives of those who are gone. I know I'd grieve for quite a while for any of my kids, for hubby, or for my mom, but I wouldn't want the world to stop. Maybe I'm just unusual though. No, you are not unusual at all. I don't know anyone who truly would want their loved ones to give up on life, or live in misery, just because of their own passing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I think a better idea would be to start and participate in the type of threads you want to see more of and avoid the ones you find upsetting or inane. This is *always* a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I have a confession, I initially thought the "Share your good news!" thread was a touch disrespectful. I know intentions were nothing but good and it was an individual poster sharing her good news and opening that up. I don't have a problem with any one person at all. But when I saw that thread, it seemed to me to be a just a little off when posted right next to some really gut-punching threads recently which were so moving and important. Kind of like when someone gets uncomfortable with a serious discussion and posts about cupcakes or whatever...... sometimes that's just what's needed, but sometimes it feels dismissive. I think this is a good illustration of why this idea, though well-meaning, is misguided. What some people find encouraging others may find disrespectful. What is inane to one poster might be just the silly change of perspective that other posters need to turn their day around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Not meaning to be insensitive at all, but, given the size of this community, I would think SOMEONE would be having a loved one passing away on any given day, or at least in any given week. I would also assume that people not wanting to read overly depressing, or even overly cheerful threads (depending on their mood/situation) could simply not click on those threads. Or, they may choose to avoid the boards entirely until they're in a different frame of mind. Realistically, people who post/read sporadically may not even be aware of your request unless you're able to make it into a Giant Sticky, that you're also counting on people to read. I just think it's easier for individuals to do what they need to do (read/not read) than it is for an entire online community to react in certain ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I don't read every thread, but I haven't seen a thread that I would consider mean or pointless. The moderators already eliminate threads that get out of hand. Who would decide if a thread wasn't "positive?" That seems like a lot of work for the moderators. I think it's a lot easier for people to avoid the threads that they consider offensive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 The strength of the Chat board community is our ability to mix the heartbreaking, the inane, the serious, and the giddy. I don't think we should change the essence of the board in an attempt to show support for those who are grieving. Who knows? They may come here in their grief needing a distracting kilt thread. Exactly. At some point those who grieve need to get back in touch with normalcy, and need to do it in their own timeframe. When I was in college my brother died in an accident. After I came back from the funeral in one state, the burial in another, and dealing with a brain-injured Dad (hurt in the same accident) and mediating between acrimonious divisions in my family (hostilities on hold, thankfully, while we all dealt with the fallout of the situation) I desperately needed a return to some normality. I didn't get it until I walked into my department's office and loudly announced to all present that continually fawning over me was NOT helping, and I needed people to be normal again so I could get on with living. After that the department secretary (who had expressed sympathy when I returned but gave me space) put the fear of what she would do into everyone should they not leave me alone. That was the best help. Normalcy meant I was okay and would get through the grief eventually. Being fawned over meant I wasn't allowed to be normal or okay. Additionally, my grief became the cathartic and barrier-breaking subject of discussion in one of my classes. It was a philosophy (not my department) class on religions, and the topic of the day was symbology. Because some groups (not mine) in the class weren't working well the teacher made the entire class one big group that class period. What I had written about not having clear symbols to inform strangers of my grief I had meant to share with just my group (who hasn't yet heard about why I had been gone), a wildly diverse set of people who nonetheless put their differences aside to openly discuss different viewpoints amicably. I was looking forward to the support of my group, and that class period was the roughest 3 hours of my academic life. However, I gleaned acceptance, sympathy (not just for the grief but for the struggle to get through grocery shopping without bursting into tears over my brother's favorite band when their music played), and a chance to vent at length to people who didn't judge me and didn't know the people I talked about. The forums provide me with that now, especially the Chat Room. It is a place where I can vent without fear of hurting the feelings of someone I know. It is where I can indulge in silly nonsense and find others as eager to indulge in the absurd. It is where I can sound out ideas and get back more than just yes-man echoes of what I said. It is where I can get advice, give advice, hear about others' lives and give hugs. I feel less disconnected and cut off here, because of the openness and honesty the anonymity allows. It is group therapy of the most inclusive kind. Don't shut that down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Are all the moderators on board with this, since they would be the ones to police it? Not everyone is going to see this thread, so there would be plenty of people who wouldn't know they aren't supposed to post anything but happy stuff. I get your point here (though I also haven't noticed any rude threads, but I also don't read every post). We can't even agree on what "happy" means anyway - there was a recent thread about that. ;) Everyone deals with grief a little differently. There are cultural differences and personal differences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Not meaning to be insensitive at all, but, given the size of this community, I would think SOMEONE would be having a loved one passing away on any given day, or at least in any given week. I would also assume that people not wanting to read overly depressing, or even overly cheerful threads (depending on their mood/situation) could simply not click on those threads. Or, they may choose to avoid the boards entirely until they're in a different frame of mind. Realistically, people who post/read sporadically may not even be aware of your request unless you're able to make it into a Giant Sticky, that you're also counting on people to read. I just think it's easier for individuals to do what they need to do (read/not read) than it is for an entire online community to react in certain ways. Yes to this. I think of how Moira chose to continue to participate here after her diagnosis, without choosing to tell all of us what she was going through. Not everyone is able to handle the well-wishes of others easily or gracefully. Sometimes, that can be a difficulty too. I think having an honest community of people who are coping with their own challenges as well as they can is so very sustained for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I don't think we're respecting anyone by being the thought police. I don't think the mods want to be thought police. I used to belong to a board that was so heavily moderated I had to leave. I'm very happy here and thankful for our moderators. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissKNG Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Life isn't always a bowl of cherries. I voted no. Seeking thoughts and advice on your troubles is a *normal* thing on a forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I'm thinking it's time to dust off Jakob the Liar and make some popcorn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Life is not always positive. Life is messy. I like doing real life with this board. Happy, happy, happy all the time is not real life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Personally, I like that this board is a place where we can choose to talk about serious life if we want to - or trivial life if we want to. There are times I can put myself in each category. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) nm Edited May 30, 2014 by Moderator Don't react. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 This isn't happyville. It is a place for real people and the ups and downs of real life. A few years ago, I was going through a horrible event in my real life (my son was arrested for felony theft that he didn't commit and then they were talking about adding federal hate crime charges too) . Losing a family member is much, much worse than that, but it was none the less heart stopping for me. Coming her and seeing a falsely inflated number of happy posts, would have felt like platitudes and like I was being handled with kid gloves due to my situation. I would have not liked being treated like that. Coming here and having the predictability of the interactions-good, bad or inbetween was like being in a secure stable place in my life. One where, while everyone here knew what was going on, I could delve into others lives and forget about mine for a while. So, no I don't think that creating a false sense of a happy place is a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 This isn't happyville. It is a place for real people and the ups and downs of real life. A few years ago, I was going through a horrible event in my real life (my son was arrested for felony theft that he didn't commit and then they were talking about adding federal hate crime charges too) . Losing a family member is much, much worse than that, but it was none the less heart stopping for me. Coming her and seeing a falsely inflated number of happy posts, would have felt like platitudes and like I was being handled with kid gloves due to my situation. I would have not liked being treated like that. Coming here and having the predictability of the interactions-good, bad or inbetween was like being in a secure stable place in my life. One where, while everyone here knew what was going on, I could delve into others lives and forget about mine for a while. So, no I don't think that creating a false sense of a happy place is a good idea. My sister and her best friend had a saying, "The answer to my problem is your problems." This is an agreement they have; when a problem seems insurmountable they go talk to each other about the other's problems and work on those. Invariably the switch of focus and different perspective help in some way, even if it's only by giving a listening ear and a break from one's own issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Please don't take this the wrong way, but: I smile and laugh at funerals. Just like I gulp down cold water when I'm thirsty. I want people to laugh at my funeral so I can laugh with them (otherwise I am sure I will be laughing at some of them). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Please don't take this the wrong way, but: I smile and laugh at funerals. Just like I gulp down cold water when I'm thirsty. I want people to laugh at my funeral so I can laugh with them (otherwise I am sure I will be laughing at some of them). Levity heals. Totally understandable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I don't think anyone would want to moderate threads to that extent. That sounds like a major headache and people would be extremely upset. I don't think a month of "happy" threads would help anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) Exactly. At some point those who grieve need to get back in touch with normalcy, and need to do it in their own timeframe. When I was in college my brother died in an accident. After I came back from the funeral in one state, the burial in another, and dealing with a brain-injured Dad (hurt in the same accident) and mediating between acrimonious divisions in my family (hostilities on hold, thankfully, while we all dealt with the fallout of the situation) I desperately needed a return to some normality. I didn't get it until I walked into my department's office and loudly announced to all present that continually fawning over me was NOT helping, and I needed people to be normal again so I could get on with living. After that the department secretary (who had expressed sympathy when I returned but gave me space) put the fear of what she would do into everyone should they not leave me alone. That was the best help. Normalcy meant I was okay and would get through the grief eventually. Being fawned over meant I wasn't allowed to be normal or okay. Additionally, my grief became the cathartic and barrier-breaking subject of discussion in one of my classes. It was a philosophy (not my department) class on religions, and the topic of the day was symbology. Because some groups (not mine) in the class weren't working well the teacher made the entire class one big group that class period. What I had written about not having clear symbols to inform strangers of my grief I had meant to share with just my group (who hasn't yet heard about why I had been gone), a wildly diverse set of people who nonetheless put their differences aside to openly discuss different viewpoints amicably. I was looking forward to the support of my group, and that class period was the roughest 3 hours of my academic life. However, I gleaned acceptance, sympathy (not just for the grief but for the struggle to get through grocery shopping without bursting into tears over my brother's favorite band when their music played), and a chance to vent at length to people who didn't judge me and didn't know the people I talked about. The forums provide me with that now, especially the Chat Room. It is a place where I can vent without fear of hurting the feelings of someone I know. It is where I can indulge in silly nonsense and find others as eager to indulge in the absurd. It is where I can sound out ideas and get back more than just yes-man echoes of what I said. It is where I can get advice, give advice, hear about others' lives and give hugs. I feel less disconnected and cut off here, because of the openness and honesty the anonymity allows. It is group therapy of the most inclusive kind. Don't shut that down. This. As someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, I voted "no" because this is where I can come and 'get lost' in the trivial/happy/sad/inane posts of others. It helps keep the chaos in my mind pushed to the side for a while. Edited May 30, 2014 by Moderator Removed quote from deleted post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I'm feeling a little dense today, and I don't really know exactly what you mean. But I certainly want to be able to be there for others who are dealing with crises. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Please don't take this the wrong way, but: I smile and laugh at funerals. Just like I gulp down cold water when I'm thirsty. I want people to laugh at my funeral so I can laugh with them (otherwise I am sure I will be laughing at some of them). When I was a kid, I didn't understand how funeral receptions could be such happy occasions. I thought it seemed disrespectful to the person who had passed away to treat it like an excuse to party. But eventually I came to understand that the person would want his/her life celebrated and his/her family and friends to be happy. While I hope it is many decades from now, I want my friends and family to be joyful at my funeral reception. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Exactly. At some point those who grieve need to get back in touch with normalcy, and need to do it in their own timeframe. Don't shut that down. this. one morning a very dear friend received a phone call asking about what some would consider supreficial things. scouting information for her then young son. she enjoyed the "superficial" conversation. not once did she let on her HUSBAND had unexpectedly died that morning leaving her with three young children. remarkably her children slept through the chaos of medics and police. she wanted "normal". (and she didn't care if the person she was talking to was going to feel awful later for not knowing her husband had just died and being superficial . . . . she needed/wanted normal.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) nm Edited May 30, 2014 by Moderator Name calling. And very childish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Regardless of how I feel at any given time, flowers still bloom (and weeds still grow) and birds still sing (and still poop on my car). I couldn't stop them even if I wanted to. If I felt uncomfortable with goings-on here, I would go do something else and come back when I wasn't feeling so raw. And, frankly, I'm sure the moderators already dislike the amount of time they have to spend wearing their Mommy Hats with us. I can't imagine any of them having the time or inclination to "do something" at the level suggested here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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