PollyOR Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Yes, I know. I'm an adult and should get over it but ... I'm disappointed. I'm not a big birthday person and I don't ask for much, but this year is my 50th. All I wanted was to go out to eat at Olive Garden with my family. I don't expect a big party or big gifts. This past Sunday the cub scout leadership met and decided to hold their pinewood derby on my birthday. Notice I don't have any sons but DH is a den leader. I tried to let it roll off my back. I suggested that we go out the evening before my birthday. Here's where it got sticky. Olive Garden is probably a 45 minute drive. DH complained about the distance and then suggested that he give me the money and that I could take our daughters. I realize that the world doesn't revolve around me. I know the cub scout leaders were trying to avoid having the pinewood derby during spring break. But, yeah, I am disappointed. You only turn 50 once. I expected so little and I'm not even going to get that. I let DH know how upset I was and he has now agreed to go to Olive Garden the evening after my birthday. Honestly, I'm not even sure I want to go anymore. Thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I'm sorry. Your dh really missed the ball. That hurts. I hope you do have a good birthday, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I let DH know how upset I was and he has now agreed to go to Olive Garden the evening after my birthday. Honestly, I'm not even sure I want to go anymore. Happy 50th! I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted, but do go out and celebrate with your family and enjoy yourself. It sounds like your DH is trying to make up for it, and you wouldn't feel any better about his letting you down if you rejected the offer to go the following night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 So sorry this happened. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: and Happy 50th! :party: :party: :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 You do want to go because if you don't, you're in effect telling him he doesn't have to make it up to you when he drops the ball. There's nothing immature about wanting a nice dinner on one's birthday. :grouphug: :grouphug: :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: I share your disappointment. I don't do birthdays, in fact the only celebration we do is anniversaries. last year Dh gave me a gift of a weekend away sometime in the future. I was very excited and so looking forward to it. I mentioned several times ( widely spaced I didn't want to appear to be nagging) how I was so looking forward to it and where would we go etc. Dh replied we could not go until ds18 got his drivers license ( Ok I would go along with that even though my mother would need to come and stay to watch the younger kids). almost a year goes by.. 4 weeks ago DH booked himself a ticket to go to Canada again (to visit his family) I stewed on that for a few days and then respectfully told him how pissed off I was (not the words I used) that he is going yet again on a holiday for several weeks to visit his family but he cannot go for a weekend away with me. 3 weeks ago it was our wedding anniversary. Dh did not get me anything at all, not even a kiss :sad: though he was pleased with the present I gave him. I am thinking that he did this as a way to punish me for being upset about him going to Canada again. He couldn't even have the excuse of forgetting the date as I got him to pick up the ingredients for the anniversary dinner when he was at the shop....... :thumbdown: just thinking about it and I feel like crying all over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 You do want to go because if you don't, you're in effect telling him he doesn't have to make it up to you when he drops the ball. There's nothing immature about wanting a nice dinner on one's birthday. :grouphug: :grouphug: :lurk5: <-- some popcorn to munch while you wait for dinner. :iagree: And you'll also want to schedule in some time to stop at the mall to buy yourself a few lovely birthday gifts. I'm not kidding. :) Happy 50th! I'm right there with you, so I know it's supposed to be a special day, and I'm so sorry it didn't turn out well for you. (And you have my permission to be very, very whiny about it!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I'm sorry! I hope you are able to go and enjoy an evening together even if it is not on your actual birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 I hesitated posting. I didn't want you all to think I was fishing for birthday wishes. ;) Thank you for the understanding hugs. They are so appreciated! :thumbdown: just thinking about it and I feel like crying all over again. Melissa, I'm so sorry. :/ :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: I share your disappointment. I don't do birthdays, in fact the only celebration we do is anniversaries. last year Dh gave me a gift of a weekend away sometime in the future. I was very excited and so looking forward to it. I mentioned several times ( widely spaced I didn't want to appear to be nagging) how I was so looking forward to it and where would we go etc. Dh replied we could not go until ds18 got his drivers license ( Ok I would go along with that even though my mother would need to come and stay to watch the younger kids). almost a year goes by.. 4 weeks ago DH booked himself a ticket to go to Canada again (to visit his family) I stewed on that for a few days and then respectfully told him how pissed off I was (not the words I used) that he is going yet again on a holiday for several weeks to visit his family but he cannot go for a weekend away with me. 3 weeks ago it was our wedding anniversary. Dh did not get me anything at all, not even a kiss :sad: though he was pleased with the present I gave him. I am thinking that he did this as a way to punish me for being upset about him going to Canada again. He couldn't even have the excuse of forgetting the date as I got him to pick up the ingredients for the anniversary dinner when he was at the shop....... :thumbdown: just thinking about it and I feel like crying all over again. If he's going some time between fire and snow, I might drop in for another hot chokkie. My brother and I are planning to drive down the alpine road and go stickybeak at Mallacoota. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I hesitated posting. I didn't want you all to think I was fishing for birthday wishes. ;) Well, if you can't fish for birthday wishes from your online buddies, what good are they? :biggrinjester: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saw Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 A very happy birthday to you! My xdh was not great about birthdays, so eventually I started going out and buying myself gifts and making my own celebration. Maybe it's weird, but it worked for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Happy Birthday! and, I completely understand. My birthday barely registers a blip on anyone's screen...growing up because it's between Christmas and New Year's. This year, was worse though. I don't ask for much -- I got a few, "oh, yeah! It's mom's birthday," but I still had to get up and take care of the dog all day, run laundry, it was like any other day. No presents, no special breakfast or meal. About a week later I made my husband take me out to dinner. Of course, right after New Year's, the kids were all... "What are we going to do for Dad's Birthday?" (which wasn't for 2 months). They bought presents, planned stuff...and yes I helped, but it really torqued me. I basically said (to my oldest 3), "Maybe I should put the same amount of effort and planning into your birthdays that you do for mine...it hurts my feelings that you don't give any thought to my birthday, but will start planning your father's two months in advance." I really don't ask for a lot (okay, maybe a clean house for one day is a lot...but if we could just keep it clean as we go, that would be MORE than enough). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I'm sorry too. I have had some disappointing birthdays. I have told my husband it is his duty to our son to train him how to celebrate his as-yet-hypothetical wife's birthday: remembering the day, buying gifts, taking care of dinner (if that is desired by his wife - most of the time I would rather just cook but want him/the kids to get me a cake). He agrees in theory, but sometimes it is still hard. I do have to remind him and my kids. It's much easier for me to remind the kids about their dad's birthday, take them shopping, etc, since I'm home with them. He does take them out but it's usually at the last minute and I imagine rather frantic. But he is trying, in his own way. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Ok. Been there, done that. I won't give the details, but I have sad stories as well about birthdays gone by that were ignored. You have time. Take charge of the situation. It sounds like your birthday is still coming up. Or even if it's already gone by, then that's ok too. *Make* the day special. Do something to celebrate. Buy a gift for yourself--whatever it is you like. A new book, a new shirt, a doodad for the house, a new scarf, new sunglasses, a new something for the kitchen, a box of chocolates, whatever. Pay for overnight shipping if it's an online order. And then, tell your family that they need to buy you a little gift. Just tell them! Teach them how to pamper the woman in their life who does all the things you do. Tell everyone, in a happy way, "Hey! I've decided, last minute, that we should make my 50th something fun! I'd like to do a real birthday celebration. You guys get me a gift and we'll bake a cake together. It'll be fun!" Usually kids will go along with something like that if you're fun about it and don't become Eeyore (which is tempting.) Get yourself some flowers, even though they'll die. Or that could be what you tell the kids to do. It does something special to the house if there are some flowers in it. I used to take an old vase in to the florists' shop, tell them I had $10 and change for tax and ask them to fill the vase with an arrangement. They'll do it for you. Better than trying to arrange them yourself and much cheaper than buying a vased arrangement from them. This is especially good if you send the kids into the florist to get the arrangement. The florist will ask if you prefer a certain color. The kids could pick that out for you. Then there's an element of surprise. When you go out to eat, put half your food aside right away so you have room for dessert. Go ahead and tell the wait staff that there's a birthday and if they sing to you, suffer through it. Often you'll get your dessert for free if you are willing to suffer through the song. Make that part of the fun, "and then they SANG to me--ugh! But the dessert was great." It's those little things that will help you turn this around and save the day. Ok, the family dropped the ball--big time. But you can do a few things to make it special. Just let them know that you know you don't normally do this sort of stuff, but now that you think about it, you realize you should. It's the big 5-0. They'll get it. As long as you're not a martyr about it, the kids will most likely get into it and have fun with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Another option is to get together with a girl friend (or two) for lunch. You don't have to tell them it's your birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Celebrate on your birthday, and whatever day they are all available to party. Tell the girls you would like cards. Change the pace of your day. Make it yours! Your dds need to know that it's okay to have their own special day once they are grown. If this is new for you it may take some doing to change. Give dh another chance and tell him you want to go out every year for the next 50 on your birthday. :D Have a happy!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Sorry you got disappointed. I am disappointed every single year on my birthday- so I already planned that when I turn 40 (in 4 years) that my sisters and I are going to a spa for the weekend. I'll make my own birthday fun from now on so no one can ruin it for me. It sucks, but I'd rather do that than have people who don't care about my birthday ruin it for me!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: I share your disappointment. I don't do birthdays, in fact the only celebration we do is anniversaries. last year Dh gave me a gift of a weekend away sometime in the future. I was very excited and so looking forward to it. I mentioned several times ( widely spaced I didn't want to appear to be nagging) how I was so looking forward to it and where would we go etc. Dh replied we could not go until ds18 got his drivers license ( Ok I would go along with that even though my mother would need to come and stay to watch the younger kids). almost a year goes by.. 4 weeks ago DH booked himself a ticket to go to Canada again (to visit his family) I stewed on that for a few days and then respectfully told him how pissed off I was (not the words I used) that he is going yet again on a holiday for several weeks to visit his family but he cannot go for a weekend away with me. 3 weeks ago it was our wedding anniversary. Dh did not get me anything at all, not even a kiss :sad: though he was pleased with the present I gave him. I am thinking that he did this as a way to punish me for being upset about him going to Canada again. He couldn't even have the excuse of forgetting the date as I got him to pick up the ingredients for the anniversary dinner when he was at the shop....... :thumbdown: just thinking about it and I feel like crying all over again. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Yes, I know. I'm an adult and should get over it but ... I'm disappointed. I'm not a big birthday person and I don't ask for much, but this year is my 50th. All I wanted was to go out to eat at Olive Garden with my family. I don't expect a big party or big gifts. This past Sunday the cub scout leadership met and decided to hold their pinewood derby on my birthday. Notice I don't have any sons but DH is a den leader. I tried to let it roll off my back. I suggested that we go out the evening before my birthday. Here's where it got sticky. Olive Garden is probably a 45 minute drive. DH complained about the distance and then suggested that he give me the money and that I could take our daughters. I realize that the world doesn't revolve around me. I know the cub scout leaders were trying to avoid having the pinewood derby during spring break. But, yeah, I am disappointed. You only turn 50 once. I expected so little and I'm not even going to get that. I let DH know how upset I was and he has now agreed to go to Olive Garden the evening after my birthday. Honestly, I'm not even sure I want to go anymore. Thanks for listening. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Polly, I am sorry. I feel your pain. And I agree with Catwoman that you need to go treat yourself to something you would love, in addition to the dinner of your choice, which was definitely NOT too much to ask. Happy, happy 50th to you! I wish I could use some emoticons, but my ipad won't let me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Dh can miss the pinewood derby. Seriously. I've seen several den leaders miss it before... He doesn't even have a son in it? I'd be furious!! I hope you can make something out of it, with or without dh Happy birthday!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I'm glad you said something. i'm glad he listened. those are good things. but this thread is a little haunting; there are so many women whose husbands aren't willing to do what they need. a long, long time ago, in a marriage far away, i decided i would rather have nothing than have to plead for something or get it myself. and there were many occasions when 'nothing' is what happened. i started being super intentional about how i celebrated dds birthdays, with lots of little things that cost nothing. (things like saying "good night ten year old" the night before, and then "good morning eleven year old".) sure enough, a few years later, some of these started to drift into my birthdays. but i do think this all seems to have to do with how some adults react to feeling as if they "have" to do something. maybe. ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: My birthdays are usually disappointing too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 First, Happy Birthday!!! Second, I am not a birthday person either, but I also do expect dh to be there on my 50th! I think your dh should drop the derby. It isn't like he set the date for it. He should (have) told them that he already has plans for that date that could not be changed. Someone could take his place. It isn't like he is the only adult in the group! So sorry you are being let down. (Now I know to make sure dh knows I expect him to make something of this birthday even though we usually don't.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Happy birthday! I absolutely understand. I don't need big celebrations or lots of gifts but a milestone birthdays deserve acknowledgment and dinner at the Olive Garden (and a gift :)). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmtzc2009 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: Big hugs for you! I can see how you would have been disappointed. I would absolutely plan the dinner when it works and go out and enjoy it! I am in no way saying this is what you would do but just an example of how quickly our disappointed emotions can get away from us if we are not careful. We had all gathered to celebrate on my MIL b-day. It was midweek so a bit of a challenge with kids dh work schedule but we made it work. At dinner we noticed a clear bad attitude from my MIL and I was at the opposite end of the table so I didn't really understand what was going on. Everyone at the table was uncomfortable and her dh was spending a lot of time trying to cheer her up. Turns out her dh had forgot her birthday card at home. Everyone else had brought cards and gifts. Here she was surrounded with the people closest to her to celebrate and she was hung up and seriously could not move past it the entire dinner. It wasn't much of a celebration... Again, I'm soooooo not saying you would do this but as I said don't let your emotions get the best of you and take away from what could be a positive and fun celebration of your special day! And again, I do understand your disappointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shukriyya Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: and birthday blessings to the OP I'm sorry too. I have had some disappointing birthdays.I have told my husband it is his duty to our son to train him how to celebrate his as-yet-hypothetical wife's birthday: remembering the day, buying gifts, taking care of dinner (if that is desired by his wife - most of the time I would rather just cook but want him/the kids to get me a cake). He agrees in theory, but sometimes it is still hard. I do have to remind him and my kids. It's much easier for me to remind the kids about their dad's birthday, take them shopping, etc, since I'm home with them. He does take them out but it's usually at the last minute and I imagine rather frantic. But he is trying, in his own way. :grouphug: :grouphug: :iagree: I feel a duty for dh and I to model how to cherish one's beloved. So the way I treat dh teaches ds that's how it looks to be loved as a partner and the way dh treats me shows him that's what it is to cherish one's spouse/partner. While I enjoy a bit of extra attention on my birthday my main motivation is as a teachable moment...what a homeschooling approach :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: I know it doesn't really make you feel better, but you are not alone in having a dh that is a bit clueless when it comes to celebrations. My dh's idea of a birthday or anniversary present is to say, "I'm sorry. I didn't have time to get you anything." Occasionally dd will remind him about Christmas, and he will get me a book, but this past year I have received the "I didn't have time" line for anniversary, b-day (40th,) and Christmas. It's not a hill I am willing to die on, but it still hurts. I hope you have a wonderful birthday! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeOrchidSong Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Polly and Melissa, I am so sorry for your disappointments. Sorry I don't know what to say. Hope things will improve. Both I and my dh are not big in gift giving. He does make sure he buys me fresh pretty flowers for my birthdays and our anniversaries. My in-laws always celebrate my birthdays with us. They are best parents I can have since my own parents died when I was a child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Lava Mama Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I'm not a big birthday person and I don't ask for much, I don't expect a big party or big gifts. My heart goes out to you. But, maybe your husband just figured since you haven't (in the past) been a big birthday person, perhaps it wasn't such a big deal. Did you tell him in advance that you thought this was a "special" birthday and you wanted to make sure you celebrated it? If not, you should cut him some slack. (Hubby's tend not to be as emotion as we are). If you did, you have every right to be angry. Hope things are getting better. Hot Lava Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I'm glad you said something. i'm glad he listened. those are good things. but this thread is a little haunting; there are so many women whose husbands aren't willing to do what they need. <snip> I have to wonder if this is something that is passed from one generation to the next. I honestly don't remember if/how my father celebrated my mother's birthday nor do I know if/how my brother celebrated his ex-wife's while they were married. So I hope all the moms of boys/young men are reading this thread and taking it to heart. Teaching how to celebrate one's spouse's special occasions is part of child training but typically it seems to come more naturally to the girls, at least in my observation/experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Oh, I'm so sorry. It sucks when men don't get it. You should go out with him though and let him make it up to you. In fact, I'd make it a much nicer restaurant. On the day, do like others have said, and make a day of it with your friends or your girls. Take your girls out for lunch and a manicure, pedicure or both, or catch a movie in the middle of the day. That would be fun for all of you. No matter what though, you own 50 and rock it! My birthdays and anniversaries are almost always spent without James Bond, because the army just loves to send him away for those (they are close together), but even when he's home, he never plans anything. Our anniversary (19th) in on Tuesday, and last night, he looked and me and said "So, what do you want to do for our anniversary?" Any time we have ever done anything on our anniversary, including a few get-a-way (pre-kids), I had to plan. It gets irritating. I want HIM to plan something. He's never even sent me flowers when he's been away. Boo. BTW, out of 19 anniversaries, we've only had 7 together. Well, 8 as of next Tuesday. He has occasionally made me birthday cakes, which is nice, but as he's usually gone on my b-day, it doesn't happen often. My b-day is on the 27th of this month, and so far, no one has even mentioned it. JB will probably remember it the day before, and make a desperate attempt to make a cake. If he's going some time between fire and snow, I might drop in for another hot chokkie. My brother and I are planning to drive down the alpine road and go stickybeak at Mallacoota. The words make no sense to me! Are you speaking some secret Kiwi language? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: I share your disappointment. I don't do birthdays, in fact the only celebration we do is anniversaries. last year Dh gave me a gift of a weekend away sometime in the future. I was very excited and so looking forward to it. I mentioned several times ( widely spaced I didn't want to appear to be nagging) how I was so looking forward to it and where would we go etc. Dh replied we could not go until ds18 got his drivers license ( Ok I would go along with that even though my mother would need to come and stay to watch the younger kids). almost a year goes by.. 4 weeks ago DH booked himself a ticket to go to Canada again (to visit his family) I stewed on that for a few days and then respectfully told him how pissed off I was (not the words I used) that he is going yet again on a holiday for several weeks to visit his family but he cannot go for a weekend away with me. 3 weeks ago it was our wedding anniversary. Dh did not get me anything at all, not even a kiss :sad: though he was pleased with the present I gave him. I am thinking that he did this as a way to punish me for being upset about him going to Canada again. He couldn't even have the excuse of forgetting the date as I got him to pick up the ingredients for the anniversary dinner when he was at the shop....... :thumbdown: just thinking about it and I feel like crying all over again. I'm so sorry, Melissa. :( I'm going to say something you may not want to hear, but... YOU ARE TOO NICE. Your dh promises you a weekend away and you never go because you didn't want to nag him about it??? Your dh schedules a trip to Canada and you're upset about it, but you stew about it for days before you even mention it??? NO! NO! NO! You're acting like a doormat and he is taking full advantage of you. It's wonderful to be kind and sweet and accommodating, but when you're not getting the same in return, it's time to get tough and make some concrete demands of your own. If he can take an extended trip to be with his family (and BTW, you and your children are his primary family, not the relatives in Canada,) you can schedule a personal vacation of your own and let him suck it up and deal with it, or make reservations for a nice family vacation. If you want the weekend away with him, make the reservations and tell him when you'll be going. He made the promise and didn't follow through, so you follow through for him! GET WHAT WAS PROMISED TO YOU. You are so nice, but the time for nice is over. I'm not saying to scream and throw a tantrum. I'm saying that it's time to matter-of-factly tell your dh exactly how you feel and exactly how things need to change in your relationship. Clearly, he has no problem with always getting what he wants, so it's time for you to do the same. Seriously. Stop letting him make all of the decisions. You are just as smart and capable as he is. Your feelings are just as important as his feelings. And you and your children are far more important than his relatives in Canada. If he can take weeks off from work to visit them, he can take those same weeks and spend them where he belongs -- with you and your children. If he wants to visit the relatives, you and the kids should be going with him, and if it's not affordable, you should save up until it becomes affordable. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm picking on you. I just hate to see you feeling so helpless to change the things that are making you so unhappy and I can't stand the fact that your dh takes you so incredibly for granted. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I totally get it. I turned 50 this year too and expected a little more - since it is a big milestone. It was very emotional for me. It took me a week to finally get it out how unloved and unappreciated I felt. In his defense I don't normally want anything big either, but I did say even a few weeks before "Wow, I'm going to be *50*, wow... that's a BIG deal." hint hint. When he asked, I said 'well, you know 50 is a BIG deal." trying to make sure he understood that yeah, I don't normally want much but yah know, 50 is a BIG deal. Yeah, right. I didn't even get a b-day cake. He did take me out with my kids, which was nice... but honestly, I had expected a little more. We go out on my b-day every year. Basically, I hate birthdays an the mixed feelings I have for them. I don't want much, but then when the day actually comes I kinda think to myself... well, don't they even care a little bit??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I haven't read all the posts, so I apologize if I've missed an update. Men are from Mars? I feel for you, even though I don't go in for birthdays -- how many times can I be 29, really? Frankly, I would take a gift of money (or better yet a high limit credit card) and ask a few girlfriends out, people who understand about birthdays. Have wine. Relax, take your time. Let dh do the babysitting. I don't think a "you're making me do this" dinner with dh is going to be lot of fun. Skip the Olive Garden and find a Mexican place with a mariachi band or a middle eastern place with a belly dancer. You'll probably still be a bit hurt, but it will balance out with fun evening. The silver lining, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarinesWife Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Dh can miss the pinewood derby. Seriously. I've seen several den leaders miss it before... He doesn't even have a son in it? I'd be furious!! I hope you can make something out of it, with or without dh Happy birthday!!! This!! Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great dinner! I would have been so disappointed also ... for my 40th I planned my own party. That way I knew I'd get what I wanted ...and not be disappointed by how others don't really listen to me. :) I thanked my husband for funding it. Haha. Enjoy your birthday all year. Do little special things for yourself and wish yourself a Happy Birthday ... and then tell us about it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shukriyya Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Reading over the responses I'm reflecting on my own birthdays. I've learned over the years to let dh know what I'd like, which changes from year to year depending on whether it's a milestone bday or not. I don't expect dh to to come up with something on his own as that's not where his talents lie. But he's wonderful at following through on any suggestions I have which are usually small things like flowers, not having to cook/dinner out, a homemade card from him and dc. Not dismissing your very valid feelings OP just sharing that I had to learn the dance of honoring my own needs alongside the reality of dh's capabilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 My worst birthday was the year I woke up to dog diarrhea all over the house, my husband forgot to wish me happy birthday until 6 in the evening, I got to drive a sullen teenager 4 hours in the car (and then come back), and no one made me dinner or a cake or anything. I got home from the sullen-teenager car trip and made spaghetti. I understand how it feels to have a curmmy birthday. I sympathize. :grouphug: Were it me, I would inform my dh that since he flubbed my birthday, he is responsible for surprising me with a nice "make-up birthday" event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 The words make no sense to me! Are you speaking some secret Kiwi language? Kiwi? :svengo: Certainly not! I *never* speak secret Kiwi languages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 Reading through your responses has brought tears and laughter. Thank you! BTW, my kids have been awesome. 18yo wants to make a cake for me. I want her to study for finals! :) Same with 15yo. She wants to do for me also but has several tests this week. I've e-mailed my adult daughter about possibly hanging out with her family on my birthday while DH is at the pinewood derby and the girls study for tests. My grandkids would think I was awesome if I walked through the front door with a cake. Typically I'm the fuddy duddy grandma, so I'm sure they would be surprised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 :party: :grouphug: Happy Birthday!!! :grouphug: :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I'm very sorry for you because I know how much it hurts to feel unvalued. Not one of my nuclear family members wished me a happy birthday this year, and only one of my parents remembered to call or send a card. If your dh is not willing to volunteer to take you out on your special day, tell him you're going out alone/with your friends and he can be responsible for childcare. A pinewood derby at which other leaders will be present is not more important than your one 50th birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 :grouphug: Your dh screwed up. I would let him try to make it up to you. And Melissa, I can't believe your dh. Seriously. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I totally get it. I turned 39 last month and didn't get the night I wanted. It's petty but it still stung. Here's to hoping an imperfect birthday leads to a great year for both of us :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMV Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Happy Birthday! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Hmmph, maybe you should put a blanket in the pinebox and let him sleep in it for a few nights. I am sorry you are having a disappointing birthday. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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