I'm not all that interested in celebrating Mother's Day

[Mommy22alyns]

I get that I'm a mom, but I can't stand seeing all the admonitions to "celebrate mom" because my mom isn't worth celebrating. I know I'm not the only one here. Can I get some sympathetic hugs?

 

By the way, I'm not going to be all that keen on Father's Day either. *sigh*

 

ETA: And please, please do not tell me I should feel differently. If you don't get it, back out. Thanks.

[Zebra]

I completely get it. It feels like a kick in the gut every year around these holidays. That's why I try very hard to keep the focus on me or my DH. And I hope if my dd is ever a mother, to keep the focus on her. Those of us in the trenches need to celebrate ourselves. :grouphug:

[Hen]

I get it, Mommy22-

 

mother's day became 'ick' to me in my tween years when I realized I couldn't find a card to express my relationship with my narcissist mom and evil stepmother. I totally get it. This is my first mother's day since my nm died- I feel sad that she never appreciated me or my sister while she was alive. Stepmom....I'll try to get something to please her and survive the passive-aggressive digs that she doesn't see us enough, laugh at her mean comments/put-downs to me (or not) and ignore while her and my dad argue.

 

fun fun fun.

 

I do get to see my great mother-in-law, who is a gem, so my day does have a bright spot. :)

 

if it goes badly enough, I'll end the day with a Mike's....

[G5052]

I'm with you. Mine is gone, and still find it to be a thorny holiday.

 

Tomorrow someone at church will probably say something filled with syrup to me about missing my mom, and I'll have to change the subject quickly. Honestly I don't miss her at all.

 

Thankfully I had other relatives and mentors that filled the gaps in for me. Maybe I should call them!

[Mama Geek]

:grouphug: to you all. Try to enjoy your kids and dh. It is ok for it to be about your relationship with your kids.

 

I am not in the same situation. I love my mom and she is 15 hours away. The closest we will be able to do to celebrate is to skype.

[jrn]

:grouphug: My mom isn't worth celebrating either.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Hugs and sympathy! My mom is very much worth celebrating (I am lucky--like your kids), but I know people for whom this is not the case. It's not their fault and they are not being petty by not wanting to celebrate their mother.

 

Please remember that YOU are worth celebrating though! I hope you can do something fun tomorrow.

 

ETA: This post is to the OP and to the other posters who have the same issue.

[CupOCoffee]

I get it too! There are many of us... :grouphug:

 

Try to make the day about YOU and enjoy your kids. I just like to celebrate the fact that God allowed me to *be* a mother in the first place.

 

~coffee~

[TammyinTN]

I get it.... :grouphug:

[gardenmom5]

:grouphug:

 

I was eventually able to be polite to my mother on mother's day and invite her to our celebrations - but I had been a mother for quite a few years. (and grandmama was dead . . . . and not missed.)

 

My father died on father's day the year I was 12. . . . there are some years I still have to struggle with my attitude to celebrate my dh for father's day.

[LostSurprise]

Even for people with great mothers, MILs, and grandmothers, Mother's Day can seem like a bit much. I love my mom, but I'm tired of celebrating everything. I try to treat her with respect and love every time we're together. I'm not too interested in card shopping.

 

I keep home celebrations low key as well. Just give me a hug. Treat me with respect on a daily basis.

[Dmmetler]

I'm not either-not because of bad relationships with my mom, but because It makes me so aware of the kids I don't have, between losses and secondary infertility. I really, really don't want to go to church tomorrow.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Mother's Day and Father's Day are Hallmark holidays. I don't see any reason to celebrate them if you don't want to. I don't mind getting some loot or a meal that I don't cook, though! But I don't give it any real significance as to how my family feels about me. That I get everyday.

[Laurie4b]

Like many other holidays, Mother's Day is loaded for many people.

 

It's loaded for people whose mother is dead and who is very much missed.

It's loaded for people whose mother is the source of pain. (One would think Hallmark would wise up and make cards that simply say, "Happy Mother's Day!" and dispense with the flowery poems)

It's loaded for single women who desperately want to be mothers but can't find a mate.

It's loaded for women who are infertile.

 

There is a lot of pain on Mother's Day.

 

You could make Mother's Day about celebrating you as a mother and leave it at that. If it's painful memories that intrude, tell the memories to bug off for another day. If you have to visit your mother, you might consider not doing it, or doing it and then having a Mother's Day of your own next week. Make it a day to celebrate good mothers, including yourself!

[Aspasia]

I'm just scared that someday my dd will write posts like these. :(

 

Seriously, I just feel like the wrong mom for her. I adore her, and we have our positive moments, but she seems to dwell on negative things (not just regarding me), and I'm always scared of what her takeaway feelings toward me will be. Mother's Day also makes me sad because when I hear all the lovely talks at church about moms and their sweetness and gentleness, etc., I just feel guilty. Those talks aren't about moms like me. I don't feel like I'm sweet enough or gentle enough or nurturing enough, or selfless enough, or, or, or....It's a day for me to appreciate my own moms (mom, stepmom,and MIL), who really are wonderful, but as far as my own mom role goes, it's just a guilt fest.

 

Can I still get in on this Mother's Day hating thread? ;)

[nmoira]

I'm much the same, and for similar reasons, though I've largely left it behind. My 11yo suggested we simply make a nice lunch, nothing too fussy, and then I'm going to take her to see Jurassic Park. Sounds like a good day to me.

[unfrumpable.]

I did take my mom out to lunch today and spent the day with her.

 

That said, I am not into most holidays. I don't need a card or some flowers or anything like that to feel appreciated for one day out of the whole year I am a mother. F that. I feel plenty loved and appreciated the vast majority of the time in my everyday life. If I didn't,it sure would suck to be a mom and appreciation on one day wouldn't change that!

 

We don't do Father's Day either beyond a Happy Father's Day. It's not our thing. I agree with a PP that these are just Hallmark Holidays.

[OnTheBrink]

I'm with you. My mother stopped speaking to me (again) in February of 2010, basically because when she gave me the "my way or the highway" ultimatum, I took the highway. I have no desire to celebrate her in any way.

 

To add to the angst, dd is upset over tomorrow because her father (my EX) has once again, made a holiday about himself. We're going to lunch at his favorite place and he wants us to all go see Iron Man 3. He didn't ask where I'd like to have lunch or what movie I'd like to see. I don't care much about the restaurant choice; the place he picked is ok, but when dd asked him about why he'd pick that movie, he said, "Well, I want to see it, so I thought tomorrow would be good." Dd said she didn't want to go to the movies and that's what's planned for Mother's Day, then she'll just stay home with me (I declined the movie invite, too).

 

I guess when DD asked him what the plans were for the day, she suggested grilling out at home and just having a relaxing afternoon, but he didn't want to do that--he gets no attention that way, so we go to a restaurant so he can have the kids give me gifts, he can speak LOUDLY so everyone around can hear him and he can walk away praising himself for being such an awesome dad.

 

Part of me is just over it--whatever. I quit having any high hopes of something being about anyone but him a long time ago. But it hacks me that dd wants to do something she's planned for Mother's Day and he won't do it or let her and she feels helpless.

 

But, I'll wear my new dress from Old Navy tomorrow, gladly have a bagel with flavored cream cheese at church, and try to not let EX ruin rest of the day. Joy joy.

[Garga]

It sounds mean, but I think Mother's day should be for people who currently have their minor children still living at home. I'm in the trenches and tomorrow is going to be all about running around for my MIL who is retired and can take naps and hang out with friends whenever she wants to. I want to stay home and nap and get chinese takeout, but it ain't gonna happen.

 

Then again, I'm just tired and cranky right now. It's been an impossibly busy week and for a moment I thought, " tomorrow is Mother's day and I can finally rest!" But then I realized we'd have to go out and be "on" for the afternoon.

 

Sigh.

[TranquilMind]

I get that I'm a mom, but I can't stand seeing all the admonitions to "celebrate mom" because my mom isn't worth celebrating. I know I'm not the only one here. Can I get some sympathetic hugs?

 

By the way, I'm not going to be all that keen on Father's Day either. *sigh*

 

ETA: And please, please do not tell me I should feel differently. If you don't get it, back out. Thanks.

 

 

Ok, I don't get it, but hey...at least you are here, and get the opportunity to celebrate with your own family because she gave birth to you. That's something, I think.

 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your day with your kids.

 

My Mom's been gone a long time, so I guess I get to be the center of attention tomorrow. But they appreciate me all the time, so, like others, I kind of think it is a Hallmark day.

[Hen]

Garga,

 

yeah, I've never felt like Mother's day is ever about me, it's about my MIL and my step mom and (used) to be about my mom. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Nowhere in there is any time for me and what I would like to do.

[Pod's mum]

Well I'm spending the day alone.

My parents live interstate and dd spends most weekends with her dad. He won't ever swap.

My dd will be back this evening. If she was here I would have had to stay in bed and get breakfast there.

Her sister loved doing that and she has happily continued these 'tasks'.

Their father never acknowledged this day, as I'm not his mother.

 

We would also give our mum breakfast in bed and pick her some chrysanthamums (from her garden).

I bought myself some today. :)

[SKL]

I don't have the same reasons as you, but I'm not all that gung ho about this holiday either. I'm a single mom, and frankly nobody gives a dang how good or lousy of a mother I am. Some friends want to "celebrate" by dragging me out for lunch (which will be crowded mayhem and I don't like restaurants anyway). However, to make up for that waste of time, I am working all night tonight and will be working all day tomorrow. I'd rather be left alone to do my work in peace. Bah. Humbug. That said, I love my mom. Her birthday is Friday, so I plan on going to see her then.

[PrairieSong]

I'm so sorry! I am not in the same boat. My mother was wonderful, but died five years so. My brother, however, is estranged and it's probably better that way. Families can be TOUGH. I do get that.

 

I hope you can have a nice day with your own husband and kids. You don't have to celebrate the day at all, or you could do something completely untraditional. {{{hugs}}}

 

 

[Dory]

I get it. I mean, I love my mom and care about her, but celebrating her role as my mom seems a bit much. I'm even less enthusiastic about father's day. But then, I hate most holidays and celebrations. They are usually just a reminder of things that aren't worth remembering.

[Negin]

Although my mom is worth celebrating and I'm so blessed to still have her around, I've always felt bad for those who are not in the same situation.

 

Personally, I really don't like any Hallmark holidays. I don't like being told when to celebrate something - religious holidays and birthdays being the exception, of course. I don't like the herd mentality that goes with this sort of stuff - all the silliness and nonsense. Reminds me of Valentine's Day in the junior high years or something.

[K&Rs Mom]

Personally, I really don't like any Hallmark holidays. I don't like being told when to celebrate something

 

 

This. It seems every hallmark holiday has plenty of people who don't "qualify" and end up feeling worse about it now that they've called attention to it. I'm trying to teach my dc not to fall for the marketing, but it's hard when it's everywhere.

[Melissa in Australia]

I don't and never have celebrated mothers day. My mother doesn't as well so it makes it easy. In fact the only celebration we do is wedding anniversaries.

[Lilaclady]

Hugs to all who are hurting. Hoping the day turns out better than expected. It can be tough for so many.

[LaxMom]

I get it. The day isn't painful for me, like it is for those who have lost their mothers and continue to mourn. It's just... Meh.

 

My mother is nothing to celebrate. I have a good daily relationship with my children and don't feel the need to be the center of all things today or any day.

 

I am using it as an excuse to check off things on my endless to-do list, using my personal lackeys, though. ;-) Now, off to paint the bathroom.

[stripe]

Celebrate your own relationship with your children. That, surely, is something to celebrate.

 

Hugs to you.

[Word Nerd]

I like the homemade cards and gifts my kids give me. My DD made a book at school that was sweet and made me laugh. I also got some flowers in a painted soup can. Other than that, it'll be just another day today.

 

I don't put much stock in manufactured holidays because of the manipulative commercialism associated with them. If you really loved your mother (or wife), you'd give her an iPad Mini for Mother's Day.

[unfrumpable.]

My son, on his own accord, just brought me out a handmade card, a handmade book mark, and a paper vase for my (imaginary?) flowers. lol He knows that today is Mother's Day because of the advertising in the stores, plus we took grandma out yesterday.

[Night Elf]

I can offer the hugs to you. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[dbmamaz]

another one - a sandwich generation mother anxiety . . . my mom and I have a civil relationship, but never warm. She has tried to make up for being such an awful mother, and i appreciate her effort, but I still find her . . . idk, just anxiety-producing. Better yet, my 20 yo daughter moved in w my mom in January, after cursing me out and being completely rude to me for no particular reason. Basically she insists I was a terrible mother because I'm not lovey-dovey affectionate, and that every problem in her life is my problem, including every mistake she made that I should have stopped her from making.

 

dh asked me this morning if i'm calling my mom . . . i feel like I should, but then I'm afraid she'll MAKE my daughter tell me happy mothers day . . . and she wont mean it because she has told me she never wants to have anything to do with me again. Every night for the past 4 months I lay in bed before falling asleep and try to think about what I could have done differently . . . but i think the only thing i could have done was not have her brothers, because nothing but being the center of attention would have made her happy

 

anyways, yes, mothers day is killing me . . .

[Mom-ninja.]

I get it. Enjoy the day with your kids. In fact, try to enjoy every day with your kids.

 

I'm not big on "forced" holidays anyway.

[nmoira]

Happy Sunday. :)

[LibraryLover]

You are not alone.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I had a great mom, I'm a mom but all the forced celebrations feels creepy to me. I don't care for most holidays, birthdays or anniversaries either so maybe i'm just odd.

[PollyOR]

Here's my beef with this holiday...my family is disappointed that I don't want to attend church with them. The kids are involved in the program and they want their mom there too. I thought about forcing myself to go and I just couldn't do it. Attending church for me is akin to a form of torture. Here I sit at home knowing that I have hurt at least one kid's feelings. Yep, feeling like a wonderful mother at the moment.

[Anne in CA]

I am sorry for you :grouphug: :grouphug: . My own mom was depressed through a lot of my childhood. She had decent reasons to be depressed, however she just was not there for me very much and I find most mother's day cards to be nauseating. We should design our own line of cards that just acknowledge, hey, I'm glad you brought me into the world, but someone else brought you too so it's not a special favor, lol.

[regentrude]

We do not celebrate mothers' day either.

I do not find it valuable to be honored on a day when multimillion dollar industries remind my family beforehand that this is the day to do something for mom (we do not celebrate Valentine's day for the same reason). It is much more worth it to me to feel appreciated on "normal" days.

 

I will, however, call my mother today - because I call her every weekend.

[nmoira]

We do not celebrate mothers' day either.

I do not find it valuable to be honored on a day when multimillion dollar industries remind my family beforehand that this is the day to do something for mom (we do not celebrate Valentine's day for the same reason). It is much more worth it to me to feel appreciated on "normal" days.

 

I will, however, call my mother today - because I call her every weekend.

 

 

Went this morning at 7:30 to pick up some fruit at the Whole Foods down the street, and already there were people milling about, deliberating over which were the best roses to watch wither and die over the course of the week.

[SKL]

I hear you about the nauseating Mother's Day cards. And Mom's birthday cards. I had to buy both for this week. I love and appreciate my mom, but no, I don't have all those rosy memories of her kissing my tush day and night or being an unending source of lullaby music. Gross. LOL.