2 month separation from your DH, would you freak out?

[Bang!Zoom!]

I know this is just par for the course for a lot of folks here, but for those that it would be unusual...how do you think it'd hit you?

[Tap]

2 months of physical separation due to distance alone?

 

Or

 

2 months of marital separation?

[Bang!Zoom!]

Distance. He leaves in a couple of days. His hugs are a little tight lately.

 

I'm thinking more about holding my game face and playing all Joe Positive than, you know..thinking about that other stuff.

[GWOB]

I don't know if I should respond since my dh was in the Navy the first 8 years of our marriage.

 

How do you deal? You put on you big girl panties and carry on. Yes, it sucks royally, but you just carry on. You talk to one another as often as you can. You cry and scream away from your dh. You take up a hobby like knitting or drinking. You tell yourself 1,000,000 times a day that this is temporary. Then within 2 hours of him returning from his second 6 month deployment you conceive your second child. Well, maybe that's just me:lol::tongue_smilie:.

 

This won't be easy. I am ridiculously, hopelessly, stupidly in love with my dh. Always have been. I just dealt with it. Two (or 6+) months away was a small price for me to pay for a lifetime with my sanity-keeper. That whole "Keep your eyes on the prize" line? So very relevant in these situations.

[meggie]

I would freak out. I would probably cry all the time, call and FB chat as much as I could and have some of the children sleep in bed with me. The house would probably be a disaster and I don't know when I'd ever get anything done. :grouphug: That's just me though. I'm a major wimp.

[Isabella]

I'd miss him, but I'd cope fine. Probably wouldn't cry - or maybe sometimes!

But my kids are 20, 19, and 16. If they were little still, it would be different. I would probably plan and do a project.

 

My dh was just away for two weeks recently, and I planned to recess our refrigerator into the wall. He always puts a dampener on projects because he doesn't think I could do them. I use his away times to prove that I actually can do what I think I can!

[Arcadia]

For two months, my hubby (private sector) would expect us to join him. He goes on a week conference once a year and he brings us all along. When we are not interested in going, he would video conference at a pre-arranged time so that he can see the kids. He would also give me his schedule, air flight details, hotel numbers before he leave.

 

My boys sleep in the same room with me though so that helps. Housekeeping doesn't get done when hubby is out of town. We sometimes eat of disposable plates, forks and spoons because I am too tired to wash.

[Lucy in Australia]

Dh got sent to Papua New Guinea for 2 months just after we found out I was pregnant with DS#2 :glare: So I had a 2 year old, morning sickness & no hubby. It was horrible but I just decided to get through each day, one day at a time.

[sewingmama]

It wouldn't worry me - but I like my alone time :001_smile:

[carriede]

You take one day at a time.

 

Let your standards down a bit. Figure out what your survival minimum is. For example, clean clothes, food, dishes. Your routines will change, embrace it.

 

Perhaps this would be a good time to visit family for a week or two to break things up. Or invite someone to visit you.

 

Don't put your life on hold. Go to events, go to play dates, in fact, do more of these than normal.

 

Know that you can come out of this with your husband coming back to you to love you and your kids.

 

 

I have lots of military friends whose DHs are deployed for 6+ months. So when my DH had to go out if town for 2 weeks, I felt guilty that I felt so lost even though he'd be gone for "only" 2 weeks. Regardless of the time, he's still gone and you will have to adjust. But you will come out of it and be a stronger wife and mother for it.

[Hannah]

I'd miss him, but we'd go on with our lives and activities.

We'd try to speak or communicate as often as possible.

I would have to make a point of continuing to cook proper meals.

 

After two months there will probably be a bit of an adjustment when he returns as well.

[Soror]

I wouldn't like it but I guess we'd make it one way or another. As to how exactly I felt I guess it would depend why he was going to be gone and how much communication we could have.

[Melissa in Australia]

I have never done 2 months, But DH goes to Canada for 5 weeks just about every year. He has only recently come home after his last trip there.

I HATE it, this last time I had some kind of emotional breakdown, very bad depression and was not in a good place. The number 1 thing I do that helps me cope is keep extremely busy. I do things like create new gardens, paint walls, major spring cleaning etc.etc.

My DH has been talking that when one of his parents die (both 90) he is planing on going over to Canada for several months!!! I don't think I will be able to handle it.

[NanceXToo]

I hate being alone at night, it really freaks me out. I start hearing noises, convincing myself someone's in the house. I don't even like when he has to work late so I don't think I'd do well and would probably move my daughter into my room with me just to have someone there although I would not indicate all that lol.

 

Honestly I think my mother scarred me for life. My parents split up when I was very young and she used to go out at night and hire these teenage babysitters who she would then have to drive home, and i can remember being awake sometimes when she was leaving and begging her to take me too as I didn't want to be alone at night with only two younger brothers and no other adult in the dark house. She would say no and I would lay there for what seemed like forever terrified that something was going to happen, someone was going to come in the house while she was gone- and to this day I hate being in a house at bedtime without another adult around in the house. Pathetic, I know. I'd make a horrible military wife. :P

[Wabi Sabi]

Dh and I work opposite shifts so if he was to be gone for any length of time we'd have some childcare logistics to figure out. Otherwise I'd miss him but ultimately be fine. The kids, on the other hand, would be a total wreck. I imagine they would cry for him constantly.

[Mrs Mungo]

Hm, just because my dh winds up being gone for long periods doesn't mean that I like it. ;)

 

I mainly cope with separations by remaining busy.

[elegantlion]

We did 7 months one time. We saw him every 2-4 weeks for only a day or two. Two months will go by quickly with everything else you have to do.

 

The best thing we did was set up time for regular communication on the phone.

[Bang!Zoom!]

I think I'm more on alert for the kid, secondly him, thirdly..after wading though that...and recovering, dealing with myself.

 

Got the busy facet down cold.

 

I think of what my mother would have said. She'd of laughed me off the street.

 

We did this once before, early on in our lives, was a little disjointing, but each had a lot going on. It's just different is all.

[BugsMama]

Dh is gone frequently- the worst for us was a 14 month deployment.

 

You don't get used to it, and it hurts no matter how long you are apart when you love a person, and rely on them to keep life running smoothy.

 

I rely on routine, friendships, and a full calender. I will literally plan something EVERY day, be it a shopping trip, lunch out, a play date, a field trip- either something out, or something with other people.

 

Meals and night time are the worst for me, I have trouble sleeping alone, and DH does most of the cooking.... so we eat a lot of mac n cheese and taco bell while he is gone. As long as I am busy though, we get by.

 

You can do this :grouphug:

[Wheres Toto]

Dh periodically goes away for work. Usually it's only a week or two but once or twice it was 5 weeks.

 

I'm another one that HATES being alone in the house with just children. So, I sleep with the bathroom light on and a baseball bat next to my bed. Silly, I know. And logically I know that my town has something like a 0.001% violent crime rate.

 

We keep to our regular routine for the most part. The kids get really cranky when dh is gone so I won't push school if we're having a really rough day. We Skype with dh every morning and every evening (he's usually in China so 12 hour time difference), not always video but we do try to every few days so the kids can "see" him. Ds will type to dh on Skype.

 

Next time dh goes away for any length of time I'm going to check out our local grocery stores delivery service. I had to bring the kids with me to the store twice last time he was gone and it was NOT fun.

 

I'm not much of a cook so we tend to eat very simply while he's gone. The kids basically eat the same (maybe slightly more delivery pizza :tongue_smilie:) but I'll just eat whatever I can nuke, even if it's just a package of frozen veggies. You would think I'd lose weight while he's gone.:001_huh:

[Parrothead]

Well, if it were me I'd be more happy than distraught. I look on the bright side of business trips. Less cooking. Less cleaning. Less laundry. Depending on the distance there may be the opportunity to travel to him for a long weekend or even a week.

 

Dh and I are not ones to be in each other's pockets all the time anyway so it would not (and has not in the past. we were separated 8 months when dd was 2) cause me any great distress.

 

I hope you find what works best for you and yours. :grouphug:

[amyable]

Well, if it were me I'd be more happy than distraught. I look on the bright side of business trips. Less cooking. Less cleaning. Less laundry. Depending on the distance there may be the opportunity to travel to him for a long weekend or even a week.

 

 

Honestly, this is me too. I could really use a break from the pressure right now of having to have things a certain way for dh. I like my alone time and need more of it. I do 99% of everything around here anyway, it wouldn't impact me energy wise. I'm a little shy about making cold calls to necessary businesses (i.e. plumber, etc) but hey, he could do that from where ever he was. :tongue_smilie:

[Impish]

It would be incredibly difficult.

 

First, just looking at the logistics. I don't drive. We're in a wee town that has a butcher, a gen store, a post office, and that's all, folks. I'd have to throw myself on the mercy of a neighbour to get groceries, diapers, etc. The water here, regardless of no longer being under 'boil water advisory' makes us all sick. So, have to get water in. Not to mention if someone gets sick, and needs to be seen.

 

Then there's the day to day stuff. Wolf helps around the house...stuff that's either really difficult or simply impossible to do 1 handed. He takes the kids out, giving me a break...sometimes all of them, sometimes one at a time for special Daddy time. And then there's RSD flare ups where he steps in, takes over, distracts the kids so that they don't realize Mommy is in her bedroom, screaming in her throat, begging for death.

 

Then there's the emotional side. Really, since moving, Wolf is my one adult companion. He's the only adult, irl, that I talk to daily. And, I'm a worrier. I loathe it when he's away, on edge until he's safely back home. And the kids go off the hook when Daddy's away. They're used to Daddy reading them stories at night, helping w/baths, bedtime kisses, hugs, tuck ins...him being away seriously messes w/them.

 

We're all seriously Wolf Daddy addicts around here :lol:

 

That all being said, it may have to happen, depending on the job situation. He may well have to be away from us for a month or more, see him maybe 2 wknds/mth, depending on distance. We'll deal as we have to, as we need to...but aint nobody gonna enjoy it! :lol:

[StartingOver]

If he was somewhere that we could follow, I would pack up the trailer. If it was somewhere we could not follow I would put on my big girl panties, and talk to him often. I hate to be away from my hubby, but I could do it if need be. I would not like it at all. I could never be a military wife !

[regentrude]

I don't like it when DH is gone, but it would not be a problem.

We did 8 years of long distance relationships years ago.

Now with bigger kids, not a problem. With an infant and a toddler, it sucked.

You just do what you have to do. With modern technology, you can easily keep in touch and talk daily.

[sparrow]

I'd be very sad and once I got over being sad, I'd do what I did as a kid. I'd frame the situation in an ongoing novel in my head (I was an only child :D). I'd think about him being a sea captain, off at sea, or a pioneer, scouting out the claim before we got there.

 

My imagination has gotten me through many stressful times. I hope that's not too weird :blush:.

[Perry]

Well, if it were me I'd be more happy than distraught. I look on the bright side of business trips. Less cooking. Less cleaning. Less laundry.

:iagree:

 

When dh travels, I'm on vacation. He's never been gone for 2 months though...

[TXMomof4]

I'd miss him, but we'd go on with our lives and activities.

We'd try to speak or communicate as often as possible.

I would have to make a point of continuing to cook proper meals.

 

After two months there will probably be a bit of an adjustment when he returns as well.

 

Forget real meals! My kids ate lots of bread, cheese, and fruit. We made a big deal of visiting the cheese wall at Central Market and gettingIrish butter for our bread. Ice cream was not an uncommon menu item at dinner. I figure with dh gone I can do things to please myself! As long as we are mostly healthy, we did random for dinner!

[Farrar]

Dh and I spent almost a year apart pre-kids and while we missed each other, it was fine. It would be harder now, I think.

[celticmom]

It wouldn't worry me - but I like my alone time :001_smile:

 

:iagree:I think that it would bother dh more than me.

 

Edited to add - Dd7 would be very upset and I would have my hands full distracting her.

Edited September 30, 2012 by celticmom

[Parrothead]

Forget real meals! My kids ate lots of bread, cheese, and fruit. We made a big deal of visiting the cheese wall at Central Market and gettingIrish butter for our bread. Ice cream was not an uncommon menu item at dinner. I figure with dh gone I can do things to please myself! As long as we are mostly healthy, we did random for dinner!

:iagree: Dd and I often have different meals when dh is gone. Some nights we reverse things and have dessert first or eat in bed in our PJs.

[Night Elf]

I don't do well with separation. My first husband left for 2 months for an internship. Suffice it to say it was one of the worst experiences in my life.

 

My DH has had to go on only a few business trips (for the last one, he was out of state when 9/11 hit) in our nearly 17 years of marriage and I hated every moment of them. I didn't rest easy until he was home. But I'm a big woosy butt.

 

:grouphug:

[Dandelion]

DH and I have regularly had time apart during our marriage, so no, it wouldn't freak me out.

 

The longest separation was his 1-year deployment to the Middle East (Army Reserves). I was pregnant when he left and DD was born while he was gone (they met on his leave when she was 3 months old). It was difficult but we managed.

 

Like previous posters, I tried to stay busy - distraction works. ;) I was still working full-time at the time, and I made more time for friends and catching up on interests/hobbies. Having a baby kept me plenty busy in the last half of his deployment. ;) We tried to Skype every few days (with phone calls inbetween).

 

DH still regularly travels for work (1-4 weeks at a time - every 2-3 months) and honestly, I enjoy that time for the same reasons others have mentioned.

 

Focusing on what's possible during the time apart (rather than what's not), might make it easier on you. :grouphug:

[Unicorn.]

:iagree:

 

When dh travels, I'm on vacation. He's never been gone for 2 months though...

 

:iagree:

[littlebug42]

I would not handle it well at all. It is very difficult for me to sleep in my house without dh. Fortunately, dh does not have a job that requires travel.

[Oakblossoms]

It has been 8 months for us. We were in the USCG at one point and 2 months out to sea was our norm. It was nothing really. I knew he was coming back. This time. It just sucks and we have no timeline as when he will be back. Think of it as a really great time to loose extra weight...if you have any. That way your smokin hot when he returns.

[sassenach]

We've done it a few times. Usually it goes something like this.

 

In the months before he leaves, I'm fine. I can do this. I got this.

 

The week before, full blown meltdown.

 

The first half of his trip, busy, busy, busy. I invite girlfriends over, host moms night out, take the kids on multiple outings, road trips to the grandparents, ect.

 

Sometime halfway through comes the crash. The house looks like hell because I haven't been home, I'm worn out and tired of people. I order out for a few days and watch chick flicks every night for a week. I drink wine.

 

About 3/4 of the way through, I look around and realize that I don't want dh to come home to the house in this devolved condition. I crack the whip and we clean, clean, clean. I set us back on a normal schedule and maybe get a project done that I know he'll appreciate.

 

The week before I'm weepy, sexually frustrated, and short tempered. Then he's home!

[Murphy101]

Once? We'd miss him but deal. We'd watch the tv and movies he doesn't want to watch and eat food he doesn't like.:)

 

On a regular basis? I didn't get married so I could raise kids alone. Actually, I didn't get married bc I wanted to be alone in general.

 

Dh has been traveling a lot. It sucks and there is nothing positive to it. I still cook and do everything I always do and now everything he might have done too.

 

And he gets to sleep in and fluff off whatever every weekend and evening while I keep clocking. I don't mind him having some fun, but I do eventually start to resent the unevenness of it after awhile. Like a year.:glare:

 

ETA: and military wives are a special breed of awesome. I've been honest that I'd never even consider marrying into the military. I know I'd hate it.

[Impish]

Once? We'd miss him but deal. We'd watch the tv and movies he doesn't want to watch and eat food he doesn't like.:)

 

On a regular basis? I didn't get married so I could raise kids alone. Actually, I didn't get married bc I wanted to be alone in general.

 

Dh has been traveling a lot. It sucks and there is nothing positive to it. I still cook and do everything I always do and now everything he might have done too.

 

And he gets to sleep in and fluff off whatever every weekend and evening while I keep clocking. I don't mind him having some fun, but I do eventually start to resent the unevenness of it after awhile. Like a year.:glare:

 

ETA: and military wives are a special breed of awesome. I've been honest that I'd never even consider marrying into the military. I know I'd hate it.

:iagree:

[airforcefamily]

Right now we're on our 8th month+ separation. The longest was a year, the shortest was 5 weeks. Most are in the 4-6 month range. We have five kids, the oldest just turned 8.

 

Not sure you're looking for advice from someone who does this all the time but here it is.

 

Find things that you wouldn't do when your husband is there and get excited about being able to do them. Maybe it's eating foods he does't care for, putting pink sheets on the bed, or watching lifetime movies - there are lots of things.

 

Relax about the housework or hire someone to come in and clean for you. Hire a babysitter for time to yourself. The military pays $250 per month when you're separated from your spouse. That's what we use for things like this.

 

Stock up the freezer with meals and meat to both reduce grocery shopping trips and save time with meal prep. If there isn't time don't worry about having store bought frozen dinners, boxed mac and cheese, canned soup, or just whatever you feel like having. A couple months with a less than great diet won't hurt.

 

Use disposable products if you think it will help. Normally we use kitchen rags, cloth diapers, regular dishes, and spray cleaning products with rags. When he's away I use some kitchen rags but paper towels as well, disposable diapers, paper plates/plastic cups/plastic flatware, and remoistened disposable cleaning cloths (the ones that are like baby wipes in a round container). Nothing starts the day better than cold cereal eaten out of paper bowls with a plastic spoon when cleanup is tossing it all in the garbage and wiping the table with a disposable wipe. It's so nice to not have dishes after every snack/meal.

 

Use the opportunity to grow as a person. Reflect on your relationship. Look around and think about all the things he normally does and how helpful it is when he's there. Write a letter, a real on paper letter, and mail it to him.

[airforcefamily]

And he gets to sleep in and fluff off whatever every weekend and evening while I keep clocking. I don't mind him having some fun, but I do eventually start to resent the unevenness of it after awhile. Like a year.]

 

It's difficult not to get resentful. Even when DH is deployed and he's doing a dangerous job when he's done for the day he's done for the day. My day is never done. Unless we have a babysitter watching the kids I can't 'clock out' and even then I'm 'on call' just in case I have to rush home.

 

The worst is when he's away for training. He lives in a hotel for a couple months while I'm nose-to-the-grindstone every waking second just to keep up on laundry and cleaning. I'm even woken up during the night to do my job.

[Impish]

Oh, and can I say that Wolf complaining about 'it's too quiet' 'there's nothing to do but read, watch tv/movie/go for a walk by myself' or 'I'm so tired of eating at restaraunts' should be considered grounds for justifiable homicide?

[desertmum]

I came back to the UK so our ds can go to school but dh stayed behind in the Gulf to work. We are hoping he will find a job in the UK but this hasn't hapenned yet. I saw dh last in July and he won't come home for a visit until Christmas. I have to say I hate being alone and I can't even go to bed at decent hour anymore.

 

I have had lots of incidents where having ds around would have made my life easier and many times when I've been taken advantage of simply because I suck at DIY.:glare: Garages are not girl friendly either.

 

Many times I feel nervous and anxious about ds in school (he's not having a good time there) and dh has always been my rock when I'm having a bad day. Many times at night I hear some noise and worry about being safe.

[Jenny in Florida]

I'd miss him, but I'd be fine. I don't think I'd waft around crying and moping like a gothic heroine.

 

I'd get up every day and teach and care for my kids. I'd enjoy the break from doing another adult's laundry and cooking full meals every night. I'd do some small treats to make the time easier for my kids (extra movie nights, for example), and I'd look forward to getting him home.

 

I honestly don't think it would be a huge deal for me.

[Nestof3]

Honestly, it wouldn't bother me a bit. Two months go by so fast. I may miss the company (but then again, two months isn't really that long for me as I'm one of those people who likes a lot of alone time). But, our household would run just as smoothly without him here for two months. I'll even go as far as to say it would be easier because meals could be simpler, and I wouldn't have to solve as many of his problems (usually computer-related). I also wouldn't have his business paperwork to do or enter his receipts into the ledger and that sort of thing. I also wouldn't have to carry his stress along with my own.

 

I would just have to hire someone to mow because I don't know how to use a Toro Z-Master.

[2squared]

I always have plans or projects to do while dh is gone. Usually they involve child training of some sort that I can't get cemented when he's home. I put the kids on a fairly tight routine, and we all really enjoy that. :001_smile: Meals are super simple which saves me a lot of time in the kitchen.

 

I go where I want to go when I want, and I serve the food I want to serve. It's kinda nice not having to compromise sometimes.

 

Of course....I survived dh's deployment to Iraq with a 5yo, 3yo, and a walking <1yo while in my 1st trimester with #4 - and all family across the country. By the time he came back, I felt like I had been through my own personal war.

[*Michelle*]

My main weariness is the increased awareness of the truth in the old maxim, "man works from sun to setting sun, but woman's work is never done."

 

At no other time is this more evident than when my husband tells me that living in a South American hotel with maid service, breakfast buffet, and a pool for a month or so is not a vacation because he has to work each day.

 

Can I be so very petty and say that there were times during his Iraq deployment when I was jealous of him getting much, much more sleep than me?

 

Sigh.

 

OP, all I can say is stick to a routine to keep things stable for the kids while at the same time taking every available indulgence to keep yourself sane and off the evening news. :D

[Mrs Mungo]

On a regular basis? I didn't get married so I could raise kids alone. Actually, I didn't get married bc I wanted to be alone in general.

 

I don't see it as raising kids alone. Even when he is gone, he is still supportive of me. It can get hard when he is gone for a long time (3 or 4 months is SO much easier than 6+), but I think he works harder at doing for us, being supportive of me, etc because he knows there are a lot of things about military life that suck.

 

Dh has been traveling a lot. It sucks and there is nothing positive to it. I still cook and do everything I always do and now everything he might have done too.

 

And he gets to sleep in and fluff off whatever every weekend and evening while I keep clocking. I don't mind him having some fun, but I do eventually start to resent the unevenness of it after awhile. Like a year.

 

I will agree that I can get resentful when he is staying in five star hotels and sightseeing versus being deployed.

 

ETA: and military wives are a special breed of awesome. I've been honest that I'd never even consider marrying into the military. I know I'd hate it.

 

Hm, just like the people who say, "oh, I could never homeschool/have x number of kids/stay at home all day?" :lol: I think military families just learn to function differently.

[TranquilMind]

Distance. He leaves in a couple of days. His hugs are a little tight lately.

 

I'm thinking more about holding my game face and playing all Joe Positive than, you know..thinking about that other stuff.

 

I'd be sad. I'd try to be positive, but that would be hard.

[Impish]

Hm, just like the people who say, "oh, I could never homeschool/have x number of kids/stay at home all day?" :lol: I think military families just learn to function differently.

I guess so...but when I was dating, I deliberately chose not to date anyone in the armed forces (yes, there were opportunities for me to do so) b/c I knew I wasn't the kind of person that would do well w/deployments/separations.

 

I know my strengths and weaknesses...and would've quite likely lost my ever lovin mind :lol: