usvichic Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 DH and I are having a heated discussion about this. We need to put our dog down and I say one of us should be there. He says no. I will be there no matter what. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I would stay with our dog. I'm pretty sure Dh would stay with the dog as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mesa Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I absolutely think the pet should have a comforting familiar face there.. I am not the comforting face.. I'm a big bawl baby. Thankfully, I have a hubby who stays with our pets.. (or in the past, our livestock) I really appreciate him for doing this for me.. and for our pet. They need someone there to comfort them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 DH and I are having a heated discussion about this. We need to put our dog down and I say one of us should be there. He says no. I will be there no matter what. What would you do? Absolutely I would be with pet in his final moments. No compromises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We stayed with our cat. He was 14 years old and sick. Held his paw basically and gave him loves as he passed. So yes, I would stay with the dog and love him on his way out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We're soon to be facing that same question with one of our cats. I think you should stay if you feel you need to but I wouldn't make DH feel guilty if he doesn't think he should/could stay. I'm not sure what I'll do but safe to say I'll be a sobbing mess which ever way I go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think it's a very personal decision. If your DH doesn't feel comfortable doing it but you're willing to be there, that's fair. I'm not sure why there would need to be a heated discussion about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think someone should stay, it doesn't need to be both people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexi Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 My hubby stayed with our sweet dog when she was put to sleep. He held her and said he was so glad he stayed so that she would not be alone and anxious. I could not stay because I was 8 months pregnant and bawling hysterically. But I took such comfort in knowing that he was there. He said it was very very hard but he was glad that he was with her. So sorry you're going through this. It's been 3 years and I still miss our dog! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Charlotte Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We had to put down our sweet friend of 18 years earlier this year. I went back and forth wishing that she would pass on her own, but she quit eating and drinking and we knew she was in pain. I dreaded having to make the decision, but I definitely would not have been outside the room. She knew we were there, looked at us, responded to us, to the very end. She loved me well throughout the years, and it was my duty and honor to love her in that last moment. It was very important to me to be there. And for me, being with her at the end has helped me to grieve and heal. HTH. I'm sorry you have to go through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datgh Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 It is the hardest thing I have ever done but I never regretted doing it. I can't imagine having my pet pass on alone especially after all the love they have given me over the years. I think for men it is harder for them because they don't feel they should show the tears (at least I know it is for mine) and are afraid they are going to embarrass themselves. Thank heavens our vet cries his eyes out right along with us. It makes it a lot easier on my dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I may not be of much help. I stayed...and I regret it. I wasn't prepared for what it would be like...and the only images I can conjure of my dog is from those last moments. On the other hand, I did want to be there for the dog, and was glad that I was. If I'm ever in that situation again, it will have to be dh that is there; I just can't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think someone should stay, it doesn't need to be both people. Yes, I agree with this. I have stayed. And it's hard, but it seems like the right thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I don't look forward to the day we may have to do that with our dog. But I agree that there is no need for a heated discussion. If you want to stay, you should. I wouldn't make anyone feel bad about not doing it. I am not sure if would stay or not, not having done it. I suppose I probably would. I am pretty sure my husband would, and pretty sure that he would cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 (edited) I never considered not staying. That's not because I'm so kind and sensitive (because I'm not) -- the option to not go simply didn't occur to any of us. With our first dog, it was hard since he flipped out a bit. I could see it being a problem for someone, although I ended up being ok and still have great memories of our pet. The second time, we were allowed to feed our dog and pet him while they sedated him. I wouldn't be able to do it by myself -- both times, I was with my family. :grouphug: and hope you have plenty support after. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to be there even though I would go. But I hope he will be there to support you after it's done. Edited June 10, 2012 by Clairelise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I stayed and bawled my eyes out. Someone who loved me for all her life, who was so loyal, should only be sent to rest with me by her side telling her how much I loved her. Ugh, now I'm crying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I had to do it twice. I didn't stay either time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Someone should definitely stay, if that's the disagreement. A pet has given you love and devotion. It's not fair to make the animal die, scared and alone. We were both there with our dog last year. It was hard because he fought it, but I was glad he had us there for him. He deserved it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 My pet is just a pet, but I have stayed in the past and would absolutely do so again. So would dh. Whichever one of us stayed would never consider leaving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 With our cat, DH stayed with him, but I didn't (home with the kids). Neither of us would have ever considered not staying with our dog, though. My oldest (10 at the time) decided he wanted to be there, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bassoonaroo Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We have said goodbye to five rats now. Only one of them was kind enough to just give up and die at home. The other four had to make it a long drawn out mess so we had them PTS. The first time, we dropped her off in a little carrier and picked up her little body later. They were such nice vets but I regret (not a guilty regret but a "if I can could do it over again..." regret) not being there. The other three we've put down I was there the entire time. For each, I got to hold her comfortably, talk sweetly to her and cuddle her as she went. It ripped me up but it was the right thing to do. Plus, it was reassuring to see that they all truly didn't suffer at the end, instead of just being told. As much as it is possible, I will be with pets being PTS. It's just a kinder way to go. I know vets are compassionate and caring, but they don't sound like, smell like, look like, or feel like the owner who has always been there. It's a privilege to hold a pet during this passage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I stayed with our cat. I wouldn't look but just pet if you stayed. The muscles relax. I am not sure I could do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joani Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 My father was a vet and he's told me to always stay - that they always look for you if you leave. I stayed with both of our dogs and my oldest son stayed with the second one. He was 9 and we both cried for days, but would do it again. Joani Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I did with both pets. My Belgian Malinois was huge and they allowed me to sit with him in a large kennel. He was given a soft pad to lie on and I sat with him as he passed. My Ragdoll Cat passed on during surgery. We were there waiting. They allowed us to say our goodbyes afterwards -- in a private room. I have both pets cremated. Their ashes are with me. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I don't think anyone should be forced to stay against their wishes. I'm hoping your DH isn't telling you that you cannot stay. I'm also hoping you arent telling him he has to stay. I'm happy you want to be there as I really do believe a pet should not have to be alone when dying. We had to put one of our cats down and all 5 of us stayed in the room with him. I was surprised all of my children wanted to stay with him. It was really hard and very emotional but none of them regretted their decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 DH and I are having a heated discussion about this. We need to put our dog down and I say one of us should be there. He says no. I will be there no matter what. What would you do? I could not leave my long time companion and protector behind in her last hour. I held her and tried to soothe her between tears telling her there'll never be another dog like her - there never will be. They are all unique like people. But you know what you can handle and what your gut tells you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think it's a very personal decision. If your DH doesn't feel comfortable doing it but you're willing to be there, that's fair. I'm not sure why there would need to be a heated discussion about it. :iagree: I used to work for a vet and it's a very personal decision, but I believe a family member should be there. If it's any consolation there is usually an employee, if not the vet themselves, that will make sure those last moments are peaceful. I was trained enough to hold it together in the room then go bawl my eyes out in the back. For my own pets I've opted to be there. It's not easy, but it's been the best decision for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBanjoClown Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We had to put ours down in 2008. I could not stay to watch, but dh stayed with him and I am grateful to him for doing that. I waited in the waiting room. I knew that if I was in there the image of him like that would be burned into my brain and that would be my only memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 When we had to have our ferret put down, I held him :crying:. I am the type that has to be there. Dh is the type that can't be there. We're just different that way. That's ok because he was there for me afterward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I had to do it twice. I didn't stay either time. I had a friend who just couldn't stay. I wish I had known--I would gladly have done that for her. I've never been at the vet's when our animals have been put down, but I have often been in that situation at home. Do what you need to do. This should a personal decision, not a "let's vote and all do the same thing" decision. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We've had to put down three cats in the last two years. Once, for the cat that was the most bonded to him, my husband held the cat. The other two times, I did, but we were both there all three times. My daughter chose to wait in the waiting room after saying good-bye. It was very peaceful, but heart-wrenching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 People who don't stay with a pet while it's being put down are cowards. And selfish. ETA- I'm talking adults here, not children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I've never just dropped an animal off to be put to sleep. I can't imagine how terrifying that would be for the poor thing. Even with our rats, I was there holding them until they passed. Crying my eyes out, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie of KY Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I would stay, but many people don't and I wouldn't fault them either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think it is really sad when owners are not present for euthanasia, but I can't say it matters to the dog. Assuming a good vet hospital, the dog is calm, sedated, and happy when he is gently and painlessly given the euthanasia solution, making him become anesthetized and ultimately stopping his heart. In a good vet hospital, the staff will doubtlessly be providing kind words and gentle hands to the patient. However, I find it very sad when an owner is not present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 It is best if one person the dog knows can stay at least for the initial sedation. Most places do a sedation injection first, then after the dog is sleepy they will give the second injection, which stops the heart. Where I've worked most people would stay for that first injection, then once the dog is sleepy and doesn't really know what is going on they leave. If the owner will be so upset that they will upset the dog it is better if they are not there though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheApprentice Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I did. And I'll do it again if need be. It was very comforting for my dog for me to be there throughout and it was very peaceful for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Sadly, we have been through this many times, and we always stay and hold our pets when they are being put to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Honestly, I know nobody who had a pet put down without someone in the family being there. I agree that it doesn't have to be both of you. It's not something to fight about in my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Just thinking about it some more, I don't think my dad could stay the first time we had to put a dog to sleep, but he knew the rest of the family was there. I was young so I don't know how it went -- maybe it was a matter of timing or something else. But, it was more his dog, although the pup loved all of us. My dad had a hard time showing emotion, especially sadness. If he was hurt or sad, it came out as anger. I only knew how much he missed the dog (and it was a lot) through my mom and I just wouldn't be surprised if my dad preferred not to go and cry in front of everyone. So, I wondered if that's why the OP's dh didn't want to be there. (Although that doesn't explain to me why no one should be. I'm glad she will be there.) Years later, our second one's time came and my dad was there, no question. I chalk it up to him changing over the years in between. And this time, it was "my" dog, even though it had been in our family since I was in high school and lived with them 'til we had to put him to sleep. My dad was concerned for me since I'd been ill at the time and basically left the hospital to meet them at the vet's office. I just loved this dog even though I couldn't take care of him. So my dad could be there and be upset for me more than himself, and being almost 20 years older, he could handle the emotions differently. He's really great. Some people mentioned being upset at seeing the death occur and I can imagine that might be too much for someone who is very sensitive or has been through something traumatic -- it's probably best not to be there. That said, I do think it is ideal for at least one owner (whichever can be calm until it is done) to be there at the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I have to say that the staff at our vet hospital went out of their way. We were an evening appointment. The vet and one assistant stayed beyond closing hours, even encouraging us to take our time to say good-bye. Maybe the whole thing was more for me than for her but I like to think she felt all was well because I was there, held her head and talked to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 It's a very personal decision. My husband and I stayed with our cat. Dh was at eye level so he was the last thing our old boy saw. Our pets have added much to the quality of our lives. We feel it is what we owe back if possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think someone from the family should be there. We have only had to put one pet down, and my 2 middle kids wanted to be there with their dad. The rest of us were a blubbering mess. It is so hard. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Stay. It's the right thing to do for a beloved pet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I always stay. I hate it, I cry like a baby, but I could never leave them with strangers when they take their last breath. Dh and I have also done this together. I will stay with my horse but dh has been told he has to be home that day. I will leave immediately after his last breath. It is a very, very difficult thing. Not everyone can do it and that's ok. I have two dogs who I will be in this position with all too soon. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Absolutely I would be with pet in his final moments. No compromises. :iagree:After all the joy and love they give to us, I believe being there at the end is the least I can do.....:crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think it's a very personal decision. If your DH doesn't feel comfortable doing it but you're willing to be there, that's fair. I'm not sure why there would need to be a heated discussion about it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I have stayed. It was difficult, but it was the right thing for me to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vontinney Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I stayed when I put my Sadie to sleep (I still bawl about it like it was yesterday and it was 2 years ago!)...I just felt like it was my responsibility to be there...I don't regret it but it was very very hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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