saraha Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) Say you are having a child's bday party. Your menu plan includes tea, lemonade, and water for drinks. Now say you have a stash of soda for your personal use and for husband's lunches, but the way your kitchen is set up, the case of pop and two-liters are visible. And say your inlaws are SERIOUS pop drinkers and can go through a ton of it. You have three choices, do you: A. Hide the pop, serve your menu B. Offer the pop, you have it so you should share it C. Neither, it is your house, you have no obligation to hide what you don't intend to serve Edited May 25, 2012 by saraha spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
usetoschool Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Personally I think C is the right answer but just to avoid drama at the party, I would hide the soda and go on with the fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I voted A, but I have to say that this thread was not at all the situation I imagined by reading the thread title alone. I had thought it would be something along the lines of "I think soda is evil but should I get some anyways because my guests will expect it?" :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 With family I would feel obliged to share. With others, I hide. Is that strange? I think it is. Mmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 In a perfect world, C. In the real world? Hide the pop! Seriously! That stuff is expensive! We quit serving it at parties several years ago. ~Signed a closet Coke Zero drinker~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nertsmommy Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Personally I think C is the right answer but just to avoid drama at the party, I would hide the soda and go on with the fun. :iagree: C is what we should be able to do, but I know it would cause drama with some people. I'd just hide it. That doesn't mean someone won't still ask if you have some. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I couldn't vote. :001_smile: I would suggest hiding most of the pop but leaving out enough so your pop-loving family members can enjoy their favorite drink but not clean you out. Because we sometimes have young guests who weren't taught not to open cupboards and refrigerators uninvited, I often hide food I don't want to offer. But I also like to have things that I know my guests enjoy, so if I can afford to provide a favorite, I try to do that. My own family (none of whom live close enough to be guests in my house) would expect anything visible to be fair game. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Personally I think C is the right answer but just to avoid drama at the party, I would hide the soda and go on with the fun. :iagree:People shouldn't ask for what's not offered... but if they're family, and they see it, they might. Then you have to either say no, or offer it to all others there. Personally, I would be offering soda anyways, but since you don't want to do that, you need to decide what will be easiest for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Personally I think C is the right answer but just to avoid drama at the party, I would hide the soda and go on with the fun. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I'd hide it. We don't ever have soda out for guests. We usually have Milo's tea (which is a southern thing,) and something for kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertDweller Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would hide it. Family sometimes has a tendency to think they can help themselves. Hiding it would avoid any issues with someone asking if they could have some or thinking it's okay to grab one because it's there. If someone does ask, tell them you don't have enough for everyone and that you have it reserved for dh's lunches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I wouldn't invite my mom over and not give her a coke. If I didn't have coke and my mom was coming over I would acquire coke. She likes tea, so she would probably drink that but I would have it available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtoamiracle Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would hide what is for my personal use and buy other stuff just for the inlaws. LIke maybe generic stuff that is on sale. Or tell them if they want coke, to bring their own since you won't be serving it at the party. My mom doesn't ever serve coke but my dh likes to drink it so he always brings it to her house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would hide it. Keeps them from thinking they can just take it. Keeps you from having to say no in case they ask. In any case, I'd hide it just to avoid a scene. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I answered B, but what I really think you should do is buy a few 2-liters and hide the cans. If you know they like soda it seems polite to have some on hand, but there's no need to use your more expensive stash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I'd think that it's just pop, pop is cheap, and I'd be happy to serve it in 2 liters, or generic as suggested. I might encourage my own kids to make other choices though, or tell then it's just for the grownups. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Among my friends, it would be be pretty normal to ask for something that the hostess isn't serving, with the disclaimer that if she doesn't have it, of course no big deal. I can't serve every option, but I've been happy when I find out a guest wants something I didn't think to serve, and I'll go get it. If I don't have it, I don't feel bad. So I'm worried somebody might not be rude, but just assume if you have something, that they can have it instead of what you are offering. Sounds like there's a cost issue -- which is perfectly fine -- but I think some folks wouldn't think of that. In your particular case, if affording soda is a struggle, it would be nice if your parents would bring some to the party, or some other party offering of greater value. If I have a thought that hosting a party is a struggle for someone I would do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommy5 Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 In a perfect world, C. In the real world? Hide the pop! Seriously! That stuff is expensive! We quit serving it at parties several years ago. ~Signed a closet Coke Zero drinker~ I agree!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 My answer would be A and my dh's would be B. Since I don't drink soda really it is up to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ssavings Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 what I really think you should do is buy a few 2-liters and hide the cans. If you know they like soda it seems polite to have some on hand, but there's no need to use your more expensive stash. :iagree: We don't drink soda, but I like to have it available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would offer it. If that is what they prefer to drink I'd have a bit of it put back for them when they visit. It wouldn't even be an issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 It's rude to help yourself stuff at a party without being given it, but it is also rude to display food or drink at a party that you don't intend to serve (the only exception would be minor stuff in the fridge). Hide it or get stuff for them, your call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I would suggest hiding most of the pop but leaving out enough so your pop-loving family members can enjoy their favorite drink but not clean you out. :iagree: As a host, I think it's nice to provide something you know they will enjoy. However, you don't have to provide an unlimited supply of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I think it would depend on money. We can buy sodas for guests and family. I would think sodas for kids aren't necessary though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Offer the pop, you have it you should share For those who answered B, why should the OP have to share something just because she has it? Does that apply to every drink or snack that extended family members like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Offer the pop, you have it you should share For those who answered B, why should the OP have to share something just because she has it? Does that apply to every drink or snack that extended family members like? To me, it seems courteous to the family guests to provide soda when the OP knows that's what they'd prefer to drink. Plus, since they're family, it seems likely to me that they'd ask if there's any soda if they don't see it, and then the OP would be in the awkward (to me) position of having to either pull it out of its hiding spot or of having to lie about the soda. I really don't see what the big deal is about providing the soda, though. It's not like it's extra work to serve it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 If you know what they like to drink and are able to provide it, I'd offer it. If what they want is out of your budget for that week, I'd suggest to them that they bring it. If you have special cans for DH's lunch, I'd hide those. If they are "out" I think family would tend to help themselves. (at least my family would) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I can hear the conversation going something like this: You: "What can I offer you to drink? I have lemonade, tea and water." Coke loving guest: "I'd love a coke." Uncomfortable pause during which you have to decide whether you are going to refuse the coke or serve it even though you hadn't planned to do so. Just because a guest shouldn't ask for what isn't offered doesn't mean that they won't ask for what they can clearly see on your shelf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 For me, it comes down to the relationship. I am close with my mil and if she were a pop drinker (she isn't, really, a little occasionally) I would have some on hand for her when she is over. With my own toxic mother, I would hide what I have because there is a lack of boundaries and respect with her. If I had something on hand for her, she would gripe about it and expect something else altogether. (True story - shows up on Easter and dd who was 4 at the time offers her some Easter candy out of her basket. My mother says no to the offered candy and takes the *only* chocolate covered marshmallow bunny in dd's basket. Dd didn't want to hurt her feelings but was sad to not get her bunny. I found out later and was ticked! My mother could have bought a ton of marshmallow bunnies had she wanted them. It was a power play to force dd to prove her love. Toxic.) In good and healthy relationships, I accommodate my guests desires just as they accommodate mine. In unhealthy and toxic relationships, I figure we all do what we need to in order to survive... :tongue_smilie: If serving pop is an issue, I would hide it to avoid confrontations and weirdness. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 It's your in-laws; let them drink whatever they like. Sorry, I just don't understand not offering something you know they like that you have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) I voted A. We have done the same thing with beer for parties. We only leave out what we don't mind being consumed. ETA: I'd put out enough soda for everyone to have a can or two. Edited May 26, 2012 by Julianna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 If we have guests, we make a point of trying to serve food and beverages we know they will like. Honestly, I have never been at a party that offered the limited drink choices you're considering. I hate to say it, but your guests may think you're cheap for not offering more options than tea, lemonade, and water. (I cringed when I typed that, but I thought you should know.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Personally I think C is the right answer but just to avoid drama at the party, I would hide the soda and go on with the fun. :iagree: I teach my kids as I was taught: don't ask for anything not offered (besides perhaps water), and be thankful for what you do get. Of course, I know not everyone was taught the same, so I would hide it if I didn't want to share. I do try to have things around my guests like, but if I can not afford that or if it will cause other problems (like too tempting for an allergic/diabetic kid, etc.), then I would not have it as an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 If we have guests, we make a point of trying to serve food and beverages we know they will like. Honestly, I have never been at a party that offered the limited drink choices you're considering. I hate to say it, but your guests may think you're cheap for not offering more options than tea, lemonade, and water. (I cringed when I typed that, but I thought you should know.) That's what I've done at my kids birthday parties the past several years - big jug of lemonade or you can get water from the fridge dispenser. Oh, and we sometimes have some of DH's homebrew or margarita makings. The kids sometimes ask if there's soda or juice boxes, but I can't stand the waste they make, so I don't buy them anymore. Oh wait - I did buy some 2L bottles of seltzer so the kids could have fizzy lemonade if they wanted ;) I wouldn't have soda out that no one could drink, though. As a follow-up: will your soda drinking relatives ASK if you have soda? Will you lie to them if they ask? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 If we have guests, we make a point of trying to serve food and beverages we know they will like. Honestly, I have never been at a party that offered the limited drink choices you're considering. I hate to say it, but your guests may think you're cheap for not offering more options than tea, lemonade, and water. (I cringed when I typed that, but I thought you should know.) I also try to serve beverages that the guests will like. However, I don't think tea, lemonade and water are limited. I have often been to birthday parties with just one or two beverages offered. It never occurred to me that anyone was being cheap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 Thank you all for your great responses! I purposely left some information out of the original question just to see what everyone said, and there was such a large range of opinions. I love that. Does it change your opinion to know that when I said inlaws, I meant bils, sils, mil, fil and nieces and nephews? All in all, 22 of the people attending the party were relatives and they are the serious pop drinkers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I chose other. If I know some people are coming to my home that prefer soda, I will pick up a liter or 2 and have it along with the tea, lemonade and water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Thank you all for your great responses! I purposely left some information out of the original question just to see what everyone said, and there was such a large range of opinions. I love that. Does it change your opinion to know that when I said inlaws, I meant bils, sils, mil, fil and nieces and nephews? All in all, 22 of the people attending the party were relatives and they are the serious pop drinkers? 22 is a lot of soda drinkers. Yes, it would change my answer. Hide the soda.:D Even with Memorial Day prices, that is a lot of money to spend on soda for a birthday party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Does it change your opinion to know that when I said inlaws, I meant bils, sils, mil, fil and nieces and nephews? All in all, 22 of the people attending the party were relatives and they are the serious pop drinkers? I was kind of envisioning that when I voted to hide it. I figured if it was just a few people it wouldn't be an issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 We usually have Milo's tea (which is a southern thing,) and something for kids. This Southern girl has never heard of Milo's tea. What is that?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I say hide it. You're not obligated to serve it just because you have it. As the hostess, you get to decide on what your menu is, and it doesn't have to incude everything in the pantry. You cannot control other people's actions. Maybe the inlaws shouldn't ask for it, but there's no guarantee that they will refrain. It's just easier to put it out of sight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 With that many people, buy the cheap no-name soda if it's in your budget, or ask several of the relatives if they could bring a bottle or two. We are always happy to bring something to a family party, and a bottle or two of soda is easier than making something! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I totally understand your predicament. :001_smile: We do not buy soda for general consumption. I do have some cans of ginger ale and sprite in the garage in case of stomach virus pop ups. I like to be prepared for such emergencies. If we were having a party, I would hide those and purchase about four 2 liters (on sale) or some generic orange/grape sodas (you can even find these in 3 liters). When the soda is gone, it's gone and there will still be tea and lemonade. But a couple of 2 liters ($6?) should be enough for every one to have a glass of soda before it's gone. If you don't want to make the purchase, then don't and refuse to feel bad about it. A couple hours without soda won't kill anyone. Another option would be to respond, if asked "do you need anything?", "sure, bring some sodas" :lol:. Then all is well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 You have no obligation to share it, but if you choose not to offer it, as a thoughtful hostess you should remove it from sight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 D. Pop is crap that I'd never serve loved ones (or even the enemies I should endeavor to love). Dump it down the drain. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Hide it. My initial response was to maybe have some for the IL's only, but with that many of them, hide it. If they ask, say, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't get any soda for the party! I do have lemonade, tea and ice water, though!" And, it's not a lie. You DIDN'T get any soda for the party. Every time I've ever been to a party, family party or not, I accepted what was offered. MIL never bought Pepsi for herself and I never dreamed of thinking she'd get it for us simply because we were Pepsi drinkers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) Honestly, I have never been at a party that offered the limited drink choices you're considering. I hate to say it, but your guests may think you're cheap for not offering more options than tea, lemonade, and water. (I cringed when I typed that, but I thought you should know.) Hmm...I'm not sure that's a widespread viewpoint though. Not trying to "toot my own horn", but just being honest about my talents--I'm kind of known for being a great hostess, and people have told me with amazement many times that when I entertain, every detail is carried out beautifully and graciously. I often serve water, lemonade, and tea (or water, lemonade, coffee/hot chocolate in winter). If we're being totally honest, I tend to think of serving soda as a tiny bit tacky, and a sign of someone who just didn't take the time or effort to prepare something special for their guests! :D I guess the moral here is that you can't please everyone, huh? :001_smile: ETA: I would absolutely hide the soda and not think another thing about it. If asked if there were any soda, I would mention that I'm sorry, I only have lemonade and tea for the party. Part of entertaining, imo, is doing whatever is in your power/budget to make guests comfortable. If it doesn't fit into your budget to serve soda, then I'd put it away in order to not make a guest uncomfortable if they asked for some and were told no. Edited May 26, 2012 by Julie in CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 This Southern girl has never heard of Milo's tea. What is that?? :iagree: The only tea around these parts is called SWEET. Hmm...I'm not sure that's a widespread viewpoint though.Not trying to "toot my own horn", but just being honest about my talents--I'm kind of known for being a great hostess, and people have told me with amazement many times that when I entertain, every detail is carried out beautifully and graciously. I often serve water, lemonade, and tea (or water, lemonade, coffee/hot chocolate in winter). If we're being totally honest, I tend to think of serving soda as a tiny bit tacky, and a sign of someone who just didn't take the time or effort to prepare something special for their guests! :D I guess the moral here is that you can't please everyone, huh? :001_smile: ETA: I would absolutely hide the soda and not think another thing about it. If asked if there were any soda, I would mention that I'm sorry, I only have lemonade and tea for the party. Part of entertaining, imo, is doing whatever is in your power/budget to make guests comfortable. If it doesn't fit into your budget to serve soda, then I'd put it away in order to not make a guest uncomfortable if they asked for some and were told no. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I would never think someone is cheap for those drink offerings. I only offer milk, orange juice, or water at my house because that's all I have and have money for. Even at my well to do family's house, they only ever have sweet tea, water, juice boxes for kids, and sometimes pop (but not always). Of course, I only drink water 99% of the time anyway, so I would not even need the other offerings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 If we have guests, we make a point of trying to serve food and beverages we know they will like. Honestly, I have never been at a party that offered the limited drink choices you're considering. I hate to say it, but your guests may think you're cheap for not offering more options than tea, lemonade, and water. (I cringed when I typed that, but I thought you should know.) That may be your personal take on offering three drink options at a children's party, but I don't think it is universally applicable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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