s/p Discussing our spending habits on this board

[Night Elf]

Reading through the "$350 for haircuts/perms" was pretty funny. Some people seem so shocked that they seem to almost look down on those of us who have spent that much money. They seem to think us vain. Oh I didn't see anyone say that, but the way they answered for themselves sort of implis what they think about others who follow the practice.

 

So, is discussing spending habits on this board a good thing? I'm positive we run the spectrum of financial situations. Wouldn't the attitudes of the people living paycheck to paycheck vary greatly (mostly) from the people who have large disposable incomes? As always, there are people in each category who aren't acting in a stereotypical manner. There are people like my mom who are living paycheck to paycheck paying way too much for a vehicle because she feels she deserves it. And there are people who have lots of money but squeeze pennies very tightly to the point where they and their family live in bad conditions. (think Scrooge)

 

Besides hair, can't we also ask the same type of question for other things?

 

Wow, do you really spend $$$ on:

 

cars

houses

clothes

curriculum

skin care

toilet paper

total Christmas budget

clothing

 

Just a thought. I believe choosing what to spend money on is relative to one's income level. On that hair thread, some people are paying less than $20 and think that's outrageous while others don't think anything of paying $50 or $100, or more. Are some people saying that spending that much money on hair must be vain regardless of income level? Does what a person buy make a difference? Am I being a wiser person if I buy $300 for books every so often instead of paying $300 for having my hair done every so often?

 

I might be rambling. I'm just thinking 'aloud' sort of. :) FWIW, I don't like spending $300 on hair because hair isn't important to me, but I thought nothing of how much I just spent on clothing for dd13 for Spring. I know we've discussed that very topic on this board as well.

[renmew]

It's probably not a good idea to discuss spending habits on the board. The "how much do you spend on Christmas gifts" usually does not end well, and that comes around every year. Of course, we are supposed to be adults and mature enough to have polite conversation without letting jealousy and judgement turn everything here upside down.

 

Here is my own vanity and hair story. :)

 

My best friend, a SAHM of five kids, and her dh have done well. They are able to live very comfortably. She cuts everyone's hair at home, including her dh. I live paycheck to paycheck and am constantly broke. I pay $25 every 2 months for my son to get his hair cut. She has offered to do his for free.

 

Why do I not take advantage of this opportunity? Because I am vain. My son looks so darn cute with his 1950's style cut, it fits him. Her boys all get the same short crop all around, and I do not think it looks good on my son.

 

So, now I'm the vain one with the $25 boy's hair cut. And I admit it.

[Denise in Florida]

Good topic...lots to think about.

 

Before money got tight we weren't poor or rich but we were comfortable. I drove an old paid off car because I do not care about cars, but we ate out for most meals on the weekends because I did not want to 'work' all weekend when my dh was home. Time relaxing around the table (at a restaurant) was a higher priority than a fancy car.

 

I am sure every one has there own priorities. I had a aunt who would not dream of missing her standing hair appointments. My mom drove Dad crazy with buying books. :001_smile: My teenage dd spent her entire first paycheck on shoes. :lol: (I only own three pairs of shoes)

[Ester Maria]

You could ask the same question pretty much about every single thing that is being discussed over here: is it good that we are discussing it? :)

 

Sometimes, yes; some other times, no.

For some people, yes; for others, enervating.

You cannot have it always perfect, but it is not all bad either.

 

We are all adults here.

Ultimately, what one chooses to spend, what one chooses to do (regarding anything), and even which topics one chooses to read and participate in, is one's own decision.

As long as we are aware of that, I think we are fine.

[Daisy]

Random thoughts.

 

1. If you live within your means, you can buy whatever you want.

2. If you are not living within your means, then don't try to keep up with the Joneses.

3. Most of the stuff we buy isn't NECESSARY so choose what is important to YOU.

4. Realize there are vastly different costs of living in this country. PLEASE understand this. I've completely stopped discussing it with my family because they just can't understand that I can buy the exact same pair of shoes that is in their Wal-mart store and pay twice as much.

 

I'd rather spend $350 on books than on my hair, but that's ME. My best friend thinks I'm crazy for spending $$ on books. She'd rather go pay for her nails. That's HER. I love her anyway.

 

I think it would help for folks to remember the above but I'm all for board conversations. I don't always participate but they are fun to read.

[Crimson Wife]

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me personally, I feel that the Bible is quite clear that I should not be wasting the financial resources God has entrusted to our family on a lavish lifestyle. We probably could afford to spend hundreds of dollars per month on salon primping for me and oldest DD, but as a Christian, I feel morally obligated to use that money for less selfish purposes, such as helping out the less fortunate.

 

Each of us has to make our own choices in life, and if someone feels comfortable standing before God someday justifying spending $350 on something totally frivolous when there are millions of people suffering, that's on their conscience, not mine.

[Tap]

I like hearing ideas counter to my own.

I like being challenged to think about topics that make me uncomfortable.

I like hearing others are doing well in this crappy economy.

I like knowing that we are not sheep and that people are making decisions based on their own needs/desires.

 

 

If I don't like a thread's topic I don't open it. If I already opened it and then find myself in a conversation that I don't care for, I close it, and skip it as it comes to the top again.

 

I have learned sooooo much on this board from people that have ideas and thoughts that I never would have come up with, I hope people don't stop pushing the limit. I hope people don't become overly polite and proper. I hope the homeschooling moms and dads here, continue to show the diversity in thought and lives that I have come to love and appreciate.

 

I hope the board doesn't change.

[Mrs Mungo]

It seems to me that it is a certain type of person who is constantly surprised or who are constantly writing in a judgmental tone. They are not worldly. They didn't know people did/did not spend that much on travel/hair/curricula/kid activities/whatever. They have a comfy little world and they stick to it.

[chepyl]

I cut my hair once or twice a year and pay $20. I don't have a difficult style to maintain and I dont do any color, I see no need to pay a lot for something so basic. I want to pay for my son to get a hair cut, but he prefers me.

 

I don't spend excessive money on anything. I grew up with money, I bought one pair of Lucky jeans shopping with my mom, I wore them for five or six years. I only spens money on things that will last. $300 for a hair cut, $200 on clothes for a 4 year old? No, they dont last. When they get older, and are not growing as fast, I will go for nicer stuff. We get a lot from Walmart, target, garage sales, and thrift stores. I shop sales for clothes.

 

I bought more expensive curriculum for things that I can reuse, for workbooks, I shop eBay for good deals.

 

DH has collected all the building materials and extra dirt for the garden for free.

 

We work hard, we want to have money for the thinga we enjoy, eating out every now and then, a movie, spending money for vacation, a massage, etc. I dont enjoy a hair cut, it is necessary, I dont spend excessively on it. Plus....I have hated cuts from expensive places, but never been disappointed by SuperCuts.

[Dustybug]

Random thoughts.

 

1. If you live within your means, you can buy whatever you want.

2. If you are not living within your means, then don't try to keep up with the Joneses.

3. Most of the stuff we buy isn't NECESSARY so choose what is important to YOU.

4. Realize there are vastly different costs of living in this country. PLEASE understand this. I've completely stopped discussing it with my family because they just can't understand that I can buy the exact same pair of shoes that is in their Wal-mart store and pay twice as much.

 

I'd rather spend $350 on books than on my hair, but that's ME. My best friend thinks I'm crazy for spending $$ on books. She'd rather go pay for her nails. That's HER. I love her anyway.

 

I think it would help for folks to remember the above but I'm all for board conversations. I don't always participate but they are fun to read.

 

:iagree:Great post.

 

I think people can get too easily offended on either end (and I am sometimes one of those people, even if I don't say anything on a thread). We live paycheck to paycheck a vast majority of the time and sometimes it is hard to read how people are spending (what I consider) a lot of money on something like a haircut when sometimes, I can't even spend that much money in a month on groceries, but I TRY to remind myself when I feel the snark coming that it really is relative and it isn't someone else's fault what happens to be our current financial situation. It's just a tight spot for us right now.

 

I grew up dirt poor. Like, save all the little soap bits when the bar breaks and when you have enough, get them wet and mush them all together to make a new bar of soap poor. So, compared to that, I'm living pretty comfortably now. We can go out to eat every so often, which never happened when I was a child. My mother thinks I'm frivolous with certain things simply because it's different from what she had when my brother and I were children, but compared to some people on this board, I'm extremely frugal. Again, it's all relative.

 

With all this ramble, what I'm really trying to say is that it doesn't really matter what I think of what someone else does with their money just like it shouldn't matter to them what I do with mine.

[Cassy]

I read the 'hair' thread, but didn't post on it, as I didn't have anything to say that hadn't already been said.

 

On reading it, I didn't think for a moment that people who spent a lot on their hair were vain. My first thoughts were how expensive it was to go to the hairdresser in some places. My second thought was that I was glad I didn't have to colour my hair yet, and whether I'd bother at all when I do need to :tongue_smilie:. My final thought was that it must lovely to have the money and time to pamper yourself in such a way, and I quietly promised myself that sometime in the not too distant future I'd also make pampering a priority :001_smile:.

 

So, as a discussion about spending habits? It went completely over my head :D.

 

Cassy

[kalanamak]

Each of us has to make our own choices in life, and if someone feels comfortable standing before God someday justifying spending $350 on something totally frivolous when there are millions of people suffering, that's on their conscience, not mine.

 

As a non-believer, my take on it would be standing before my extended family justifying having to take money from them because I was frivolous with what I had. That's as big as my mind can imagine, and it is enough.;)

[elegantlion]

Just a thought. I believe choosing what to spend money on is relative to one's income level. On that hair thread, some people are paying less than $20 and think that's outrageous while others don't think anything of paying $50 or $100, or more. Are some people saying that spending that much money on hair must be vain regardless of income level? Does what a person buy make a difference? Am I being a wiser person if I buy $300 for books every so often instead of paying $300 for having my hair done every so often?

 

 

I made the comment about the books, although there might have been others that did. If you have 300.00 to spend on your hair and it makes you feel good, go for it. *I* would find it a waste for myself because my hair does what it darn well wants regardless of how its cut. *For me* I'd rather spend it on books and cut my own hair. I can also cut my hair badly and no one knows because of the curls. I might have a different perspective if I had straight hair.

 

Have we ever been at the point I could spend that much? Maybe. But looking back and realizing how much money I spent on things that didn't last has had me rethinking what *I* value. As it stands I had to double check with dh last night to make sure I could order a $7.00 used textbook.

 

I have my own personal guilt-to-expense ratio. If I spend X amount of dollars on something, will I feel guilty afterwards? After reading some other threads on the high school board, I've realized this comes from a lifetime of having to analyze every expense. The few years I didn't, I ended up with lots of credit debt. 300+ for something intangible is way off the charts in my ratio. I can see how it wouldn't be for someone else.

 

Coming from the poor side on these discussions, I do have to fight jealousy sometimes. I have put on my big girl bloomers and deal with it. No one should feel guilty if they're spending money they can afford. But you know, people have different lifestyles, I have different blessings. My mom just paid for fabric and custom made new curtains for our bedroom. I hung them up this morning. They're gorgeous.

 

Should we discuss these things here? Why not, we discuss almost everything else. Should we be tactful in our wording? Yes, I think that helps. Did I mean you are foolish to spend that amount of money? No, but it may have come out the way and if so I apologize.

[Pretty in Pink]

I have learned sooooo much on this board from people that have ideas and thoughts that I never would have come up with, I hope people don't stop pushing the limit. I hope people don't become overly polite and proper. I hope the homeschooling moms and dads here, continue to show the diversity in thought and lives that I have come to love and appreciate.

 

I hope the board doesn't change.

 

This is how I feel as well. If one hates a thread or is offended or whatever then just skip it.

[Impish]

I wasn't looking down on anyone, personally.

 

I honestly find such discussions facinating...It's outside my realm of experience, so I do find it interesting how others live.

 

It's not a judgement call at all, ime...It's learning about others.

 

Life would be very boring if everyone lived exactly the same.

[EmilyinND]

4. Realize there are vastly different costs of living in this country. PLEASE understand this. I've completely stopped discussing it with my family because they just can't understand that I can buy the exact same pair of shoes that is in their Wal-mart store and pay twice as much.

QUOTE]

:iagree: I think this could be a large part of the issue on the other thread. I did comment on the other thread saying I wouldn't pay $350 to get my hair done (I also don't get it done for $20 either, I'm sort of middle of the road) but, I certainly don't look down on anyone who does. I'm a to each their own type of girl & I do realize that in some parts of the country you have to spend waaayy more $$. It reminds me of the show 'What you get for the Money' I get my hair colored, cut, highlighted. (Not always at the same time!:lol:) Brows waxed, I have gotten manicures & pedicures(not regularly) BUT, I live in a very low cost of living state, so I don't know anywhere around here where I would be paying $350. People should spend their money as they please.

[Xilka]

We live very, very frugally.

 

There was a time in my life when I did spend big money on my hair and getting my legs waxed, and nice clothes and such...

 

Now, I'm much happier not having to work as hard as I used to so that I could have those things, even if my feet are unpedicured and pretty funky-lookin.

 

But I don't judge others, I think it's just a lifestyle choice. I've enjoyed both.

[Mama Geek]

I got into a discussion with dh's aunt, who I consider my favorite aunt and love dearly about buying boneless, skinless chicken. She couldn't understand why anyone would buy boneless skinless chicken when you could buy a whole chicken for much less money and cut it up yourself. Luckily her dd in law was there and sided with me.

 

Neither one of us felt like the money to buy boneless skinless chicken was too much for us and we both felt like on average the time it would take us to cut up a chicken just wasn't worth it. (That is not saying that I never cook whole chickens, it is just the exception not the rule.) We grew up in different times and looked at that pretty differently. Dh's aunt is not poor although probably has a smaller income than we do, but she did grow up pretty poor.

 

We all had a good laugh and we each still buy what makes us happy.

 

A few years ago dh and I started contracting and we had to start looking at money differently. When we took our first contract jobs across the country we took some fairly big financial risks that scared both of us, but determined if we could make the job work for a few months we would break even and then everything else was gravy.

 

It is hard to change people's ideas of money, even when their financial situations change. We have friends and family who make much, much less than we do and we have friends and family that make more than we could even dream of. We are still able to be friends and have a good time when we are together. We do try to be respectful of the financial situations everyone is in and to not cause hardship when we do things.

[Trilliums]

Posting on boards such as these generally emboldens people to write things they would be unlikely to say to another person face to face.

 

I always keep that in mind when reading and try not to take posts as personal affronts.

[SKL]

I think we should be able to discuss most topics like adults. If you don't want to share something, don't. If you do - as we've heard before, what others think of us is none of our business - especially when it comes to things that do not concern others.

 

Personally I am very risk-averse and part of that is being frugal. So that means that I don't spend money on a lot of things that average people do, but that doesn't mean I judge those who do. Sometimes, OK, I roll my eyes, but don't we all?

 

When it comes to the "morality" of spending money, I have a different standard for services versus other types of "trivialities." Services involve someone getting paid for work - usually someone who needs the money in order to make normal everyday purchases. That's good for the service provider and for the economy. So I have never felt guilty about the fact that I paid $40K/year for a nanny when she was full-time, or $20/hr for maid service, or whatever we pay for lawn service, snow removal, haircuts, shoe shines, etc. - even though technically, I could do all of these things myself and save money. If I save money, it earns 1% per year until I put it to use. Sometimes saving isn't the most beneficial thing in the big picture. (Though I certainly do like to save!)

 

I also find that spending changes with different seasons of our lives. Even when cash was tight, I used to buy certain things that I thought I would use someday (and never did) or things I liked to collect. At some point, I lost the sense of value for many things and find myself eager to clear it out. I used to love those big bookstores, but now I hardly ever go to them; I'm trying to finish reading all the books I already have so I can donate them and have more openness in my living space. I also know that at this point, I'm never going to do some of the things I used to dream about. And that with some things, I'd rather buy them as I need them than "prepare" for such needs - because I have more confidence that no matter what happens, things will turn out fine. So it's kind of interesting to think about how these feelings and behaviors evolve over time with myself and with others.

[SunD]

4. Realize there are vastly different costs of living in this country. PLEASE understand this. I've completely stopped discussing it with my family because they just can't understand that I can buy the exact same pair of shoes that is in their Wal-mart store and pay twice as much.

...

I think it would help for folks to remember the above but I'm all for board conversations. I don't always participate but they are fun to read.

 

Oh, yes. I do try to keep that, especially, in mind while reading those threads.

 

The truth is our COL is super low. Added to that our mortgage payment is also very low, and we own both our vehicles outright. Technically, people would consider us pretty poor, just looking at household income. If I said how much we make, a lot of my online friends here would be shocked that I choose not to work. But can I go spend $350 on my hair? Sure. I could every month if I wanted to. Can my DH decide he wants the new XBox, and walk into the store and buy it? Yep. We would just adjust our buying elsewhere.

 

But I don't. The place we live is important to us, so we spend a lot of money on gas getting places to buy those things. If my priorities were different, I could spend more on the house and not so much on gas, and move closer to "town". I might even save money that way. We have hobbies, like video games, kitchen gadget collections, bonsai, movies, and throwing cash into a money pit of an old truck. :lol:

 

Those things are pretty expensive.

 

If I talked about them and then about our income, folks might conclude that we're totally irresponsible and maxing out credit cards left and right. We don't have any credit cards and we do save. I'm a Dave Ramsey fan. The truth is that the COL is a huge part of living within your means!

 

What I enjoy about these threads is the different perspectives. Is my bonsai collection and upkeep worth the price I pay? How much enjoyment do I get out of it? Is there something else I would enjoy more and rather spend that money on? Hair vs books was brought up several times in the other thread. I had never thought of pairing those two things. What would the other trade-offs be? It gives me a new way to think about my search for a hairstylist, for example. What about moving to a big city? The prices listed on these threads can give me something to think about, if locations are offered. Would we ever move? Why or why not? What would the trade-offs be for that?

 

It's a lot to think about. My, my. I'm exceptionally wordy today. But I've been thinking about these things all morning.:tongue_smilie:

[Jenny in Florida]

Reading through the "$350 for haircuts/perms" was pretty funny. Some people seem so shocked that they seem to almost look down on those of us who have spent that much money. They seem to think us vain. Oh I didn't see anyone say that, but the way they answered for themselves sort of implis what they think about others who follow the practice.

 

So, is discussing spending habits on this board a good thing? I'm positive we run the spectrum of financial situations. Wouldn't the attitudes of the people living paycheck to paycheck vary greatly (mostly) from the people who have large disposable incomes? As always, there are people in each category who aren't acting in a stereotypical manner. There are people like my mom who are living paycheck to paycheck paying way too much for a vehicle because she feels she deserves it. And there are people who have lots of money but squeeze pennies very tightly to the point where they and their family live in bad conditions. (think Scrooge)

 

Besides hair, can't we also ask the same type of question for other things?

 

Wow, do you really spend $$$ on:

 

cars

houses

clothes

curriculum

skin care

toilet paper

total Christmas budget

clothing

 

Just a thought. I believe choosing what to spend money on is relative to one's income level. On that hair thread, some people are paying less than $20 and think that's outrageous while others don't think anything of paying $50 or $100, or more. Are some people saying that spending that much money on hair must be vain regardless of income level? Does what a person buy make a difference? Am I being a wiser person if I buy $300 for books every so often instead of paying $300 for having my hair done every so often?

 

I might be rambling. I'm just thinking 'aloud' sort of. :) FWIW, I don't like spending $300 on hair because hair isn't important to me, but I thought nothing of how much I just spent on clothing for dd13 for Spring. I know we've discussed that very topic on this board as well.

 

Here's the thing: We used to have a lot more money. We were dual income, no kids, both working professional jobs in Manhattan, etc. Even then I wouldn't have so much as considered spending $300 on my hair. It simply wouldn't be something I could live with, even if I "had the money."

 

And, as long as a person is reading the books they are buying, yes I do think $300's worth of books would make her wiser than $300's worth of hair care. (And, for the record, I spend more than $300 on books in a year, probably, but that's my one big indulgence.)

 

I was just having a conversation with my son last night about money. I was explaining that, even when I have cash to burn, I resent spending more of it than is necessary. I do think it can be frugal to spend more to buy a high-quality product rather than buying multiple cheap items that have to be replaced. (It's environmentally responsible, too.) However, a bag of dried garbanzo beans with a store label is EXACTLY the same product as one with a brand name that costs 50% more.

 

I am not a person who much values externals. So, my hair care habits involve the least expensive cruelty-free shampoo and conditioner I can find, trimming my own hair and occasionally color from a box (when I remember and want to waste the time). I'm as happy with that as I ever have been the times I've girded my loins and paid for a salon. And it leaves more room in my budget for stuff that matters to me.

 

For what it's worth, I don't spend a lot on any of the categories you listed. We rent a small-ish house, drive used cars, buy our clothes from Target and thrift stores with an occasional splurge at J.C. Penney's, buy used curricula or write our own, etc. My "skin care" consists of soap.

 

Our luxuries are things like theatre tickets, voice lessons for the kids, etc. And those things are much more important to me than whether my hair looks great today.

 

So, sure, it's all about priorities, I guess. I don't "look down" on people who spend money differently, although I will admit to finding it fascinating how much difference there can be.

 

And, for me, it's GREAT when we discuss these things here. It always gives me an excuse to remind my husband how lucky he is to have me.

[nmoira]

 

Just a thought. I believe choosing what to spend money on is relative to one's income level. On that hair thread, some people are paying less than $20 and think that's outrageous while others don't think anything of paying $50 or $100, or more.

A good friend of mine can't believe I take my kids to a hair stylist for their cuts (just cuts, not the whole shebang), whereas I can't bring myself to do it myself. I can't imagine life without cats and books and internet, but I can't wrap my head around how much money people are willing spend on cable or little plastic collectible figures or make-up -- even though I easily spend as much money on books as (most) others do on these things. I don't think judging others' priorities (barring extreme examples, such as child neglect) to be worth the effort, partially because I'd only end up looking like a hypocrite, and deservedly so. :tongue_smilie: I certainly wouldn't dream of twisting it into a morality issue.

[Daisy]

Our luxuries are things like theatre tickets, voice lessons for the kids, etc. And those things are much more important to me than whether my hair looks great today.

 

So, sure, it's all about priorities, I guess. I don't "look down" on people who spend money differently, although I will admit to finding it fascinating how much difference there can be.

 

And, for me, it's GREAT when we discuss these things here. It always gives me an excuse to remind my husband how lucky he is to have me.

 

:iagree:

 

Exactly, we all have our luxuries and that makes sense given our individual situations. My best friend though would find voice lessons a complete waste of time and spends much more money on hair and clothes because she works outside the home and feels it is important for her job that she look a certain way.

 

I spend more than most people on skin care items for my family. If we were to go down the list, I'd probably blow people away with how much we spend, BUT...my husband has psoriasis and my children have eczema and other topical allergies. So the expense suddenly makes more sense. However, in a WTM skin care financial comparison I'm not really likely to go into all the details of our physical ailments. LOL.

 

I have no clue what your life is like or why you value voice lessons or theater tickets, but I'm glad you are able to afford what you value. I would hope the same would be true of everyone on this board.

 

And I did say to my husband, "Can you believe some people pay $350 for their HAIR?" to which he replied, "Can you believe some people pay $200 for a writing curriculum?" :blushing: Does that guy know me or what? We all spend money on stuff someone else is going to find wasteful.

[Rhonda in TX]

I might be rambling. I'm just thinking 'aloud' sort of. :) FWIW, I don't like spending $300 on hair because hair isn't important to me, but I thought nothing of how much I just spent on clothing for dd13 for Spring. I know we've discussed that very topic on this board as well.

 

This is how I look at it. I remember years ago a lady I know found out that I do both stamping and scrapbooking as hobbies. She said, "Wow. You're expensive." This same person has a beautifully decorated home and the latest fashion in clothes. I don't spend money on those types of things. 6 of one, half dozen of another.

 

I know there are true differences based on income levels, but we all have different ideas of what's important to spend our money on.

[Mrs Mungo]

This is how I look at it. I remember years ago a lady I know found out that I do both stamping and scrapbooking as hobbies. She said, "Wow. You're expensive." This same person has a beautifully decorated home and the latest fashion in clothes. I don't spend money on those types of things. 6 of one, half dozen of another.

 

I know there are true differences based on income levels, but we all have different ideas of what's important to spend our money on.

 

Dh had a friend in Germany the same rank as him (which means they made about the same salary). His wife commented on how much traveling we did and how expensive it must be. I pointed out her house full of antique furniture (they had to pay to ship some of their stuff back they had so much stuff). Same wage, different priorities. :)

[SailorMom]

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me personally, I feel that the Bible is quite clear that I should not be wasting the financial resources God has entrusted to our family on a lavish lifestyle. We probably could afford to spend hundreds of dollars per month on salon primping for me and oldest DD, but as a Christian, I feel morally obligated to use that money for less selfish purposes, such as helping out the less fortunate.

 

Each of us has to make our own choices in life, and if someone feels comfortable standing before God someday justifying spending $350 on something totally frivolous when there are millions of people suffering, that's on their conscience, not mine.

 

 

Well - ok, but where does one draw the line???

 

How much does your internet connection cost? Many people in 3rd world countries think at-home internet connection (or any at all) is frivolous. Two changes of clothes are all anyone needs to own, all family members can live in a one room house with an outhouse, and we could share a car with the neighbors.

 

That's where the "judgement" call comes in.... and where the OP feels the problem is. No one here should judge another person (that they do not know IRL) and their spending habits. Someone might feel that a $350 hair cut/color/service is outrageous and "obviously" frivolous, but why? How can that be logically justified???

[KungFuPanda]

Reading through the "$350 for haircuts/perms" was pretty funny. Some people seem so shocked that they seem to almost look down on those of us who have spent that much money. They seem to think us vain. Oh I didn't see anyone say that, but the way they answered for themselves sort of implis what they think about others who follow the practice.

 

 

.

 

It looks to me like the real question is WHY would you project this onto the conversation? People "seem shocked?" They "seem to think" ANYTHING when nobody has stated it is a bit of a leap. I get how someone can have an entire conversation in their heads about their own impressions, but you can't accuse anyone of anything based on this.

[Mommy22alyns]

IME, discussing money and spending habits online never ends well.

 

I'm NOT criticizing anyone for threads started!

[QueenCat]

When it comes to the "morality" of spending money, I have a different standard for services versus other types of "trivialities." Services involve someone getting paid for work - usually someone who needs the money in order to make normal everyday purchases. That's good for the service provider and for the economy. So I have never felt guilty about the fact that I paid $40K/year for a nanny when she was full-time, or $20/hr for maid service, or whatever we pay for lawn service, snow removal, haircuts, shoe shines, etc. - even though technically, I could do all of these things myself and save money. If I save money, it earns 1% per year until I put it to use. Sometimes saving isn't the most beneficial thing in the big picture. (Though I certainly do like to save!)

/QUOTE]

 

Well said. I share your trickle down view on spending money. If I have it, and am secure, then I will spend it on services that make my life easier or more pleasant, that at the same time helps those earning the money.

[Paintedlady]

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me personally, I feel that the Bible is quite clear that I should not be wasting the financial resources God has entrusted to our family on a lavish lifestyle. We probably could afford to spend hundreds of dollars per month on salon primping for me and oldest DD, but as a Christian, I feel morally obligated to use that money for less selfish purposes, such as helping out the less fortunate.

 

Each of us has to make our own choices in life, and if someone feels comfortable standing before God someday justifying spending $350 on something totally frivolous when there are millions of people suffering, that's on their conscience, not mine.

 

On some level I agree with you, but then I look at your location and see San Francisco Bay Area and think, "If she moved to an area of the country where the cost of living was less, say Oklahoma, she would have a lot more disposable income in which to help out the less fortunate."

 

That is the problem I have with this sort of thinking. You can never take it far enough. Should I live in a shack in the cheapest part of the country in order to have more money to help others? Should I never take a vacation to Disney or anywhere else for that matter b/c the money could be better spent on the poor? Do I never buy furniture if what I have is still usable? What if it's simply outdated or the color is faded? Why not live with the avocado green appliances that still work perfectly fine? It goes on and on and on.

 

While I cringe at endless self-indulgence, anything not absolutely necessary for life could be considered an indulgence and looked down upon by someone else. At some point we have the right to spend our money the way we see fit and give others the same right, even if it differs from us.

[Jennifer in MI]

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me personally, I feel that the Bible is quite clear that I should not be wasting the financial resources God has entrusted to our family on a lavish lifestyle. We probably could afford to spend hundreds of dollars per month on salon primping for me and oldest DD, but as a Christian, I feel morally obligated to use that money for less selfish purposes, such as helping out the less fortunate.

 

Each of us has to make our own choices in life, and if someone feels comfortable standing before God someday justifying spending $350 on something totally frivolous when there are millions of people suffering, that's on their conscience, not mine.

 

Well - ok, but where does one draw the line???

 

How much does your internet connection cost? Many people in 3rd world countries think at-home internet connection (or any at all) is frivolous. Two changes of clothes are all anyone needs to own, all family members can live in a one room house with an outhouse, and we could share a car with the neighbors.

 

That's where the "judgement" call comes in.... and where the OP feels the problem is. No one here should judge another person (that they do not know IRL) and their spending habits. Someone might feel that a $350 hair cut/color/service is outrageous and "obviously" frivolous, but why? How can that be logically justified???

 

On some level I agree with you, but then I look at your location and see San Francisco Bay Area and think, "If she moved to an area of the country where the cost of living was less, say Oklahoma, she would have a lot more disposable income in which to help out the less fortunate."

 

That is the problem I have with this sort of thinking. You can never take it far enough. Should I live in a shack in the cheapest part of the country in order to have more money to help others? Should I never take a vacation to Disney or anywhere else for that matter b/c the money could be better spent on the poor? Do I never buy furniture if what I have is still usable? What if it's simply outdated or the color is faded? Why not live with the avocado green appliances that still work perfectly fine? It goes on and on and on.

 

While I cringe at endless self-indulgence, anything not absolutely necessary for life could be considered an indulgence and looked down upon by someone else. At some point we have the right to spend our money the way we see fit and give others the same right, even if it differs from us.

 

I was going to respond to the first post about the morality of spending money but these other two have done it very well.

 

One thing I want to add is that there are many many people who have money and spend some on their hair (and other "frivolous" things) who also help the poor a lot. Also, think of the people who have the money to spend on these seemingly frivolous things - they are keeping others employed! The hair stylist. The massage therapist. The anesthetician. The waiters. The cast members at Disney. The list goes on and on.

[J-rap]

 

While I cringe at endless self-indulgence, anything not absolutely necessary for life could be considered an indulgence and looked down upon by someone else. At some point we have the right to spend our money the way we see fit and give others the same right, even if it differs from us.

 

This pretty much sums it up for me. We all have different priorities in our lives; and in our own minds, I suppose we have justified them. We live in a small home, do not have a big screen TV or cable (we get one channel), we have always had only one computer for the family of 7 to share (plus my laptop:)), had no air-conditioning until two years ago (in an area where EVERYONE has it), we only ever had two bikes to share among five children...in sum, we have lived quite simply. Yet, we travel like crazy, anywhere and everywhere. This is what OUR priority is, and we love it. I'm sure others wonder at the money we put into our travels, although we are as frugal as we can be in our traveling, too. That's the way it goes.

Edited March 4, 2012 by jjhat7

[Mimm]

I rarely discuss money on this board. This is a public place and I am uncomfortable talking about my family's finances in public. I was raised to believe it was quite rude to do so, though I've had to relax about this a little bit around my husband's family (who has a much more healthy attitude about money in general than my family).

 

As far as spending on luxuries, I still think it's rather impolite to publicly go on about how much you spend on various things.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I like hearing ideas counter to my own.

I like being challenged to think about topics that make me uncomfortable.

I like hearing others are doing well in this crappy economy.

I like knowing that we are not sheep and that people are making decisions based on their own needs/desires.

 

 

If I don't like a thread's topic I don't open it. If I already opened it and then find myself in a conversation that I don't care for, I close it, and skip it as it comes to the top again.

 

I have learned sooooo much on this board from people that have ideas and thoughts that I never would have come up with, I hope people don't stop pushing the limit. I hope people don't become overly polite and proper. I hope the homeschooling moms and dads here, continue to show the diversity in thought and lives that I have come to love and appreciate.

 

I hope the board doesn't change.

:iagree:Very well said.

I would never spend even $100 on a haircut but spend at least that much on books every 1-2 months(and I'm being conservative in my estimate). Does that mean I look down on my friends who do? No. At the same time I don't get it either. I don't paint my nails, rarely wear makeup, and my clothes come from TJ Maxx when I actually buy any. I do spend gobs of $$ on my kids. Whether for Christmas, haircuts, clothes or books, I don't hold back. Why? Because it makes me happy. In the end what we buy or even when we deny ourselves it is usually for a good reason.

As for cars... mine are almost always older used cars, but they're free. My Dad has a habit of buying us cars. Because it makes him happy.

[Jenny in Florida]

I have no clue what your life is like or why you value voice lessons or theater tickets, but I'm glad you are able to afford what you value. I would hope the same would be true of everyone on this board.

 

And I did say to my husband, "Can you believe some people pay $350 for their HAIR?" to which he replied, "Can you believe some people pay $200 for a writing curriculum?" :blushing: Does that guy know me or what? We all spend money on stuff someone else is going to find wasteful.

 

Well, I've always loved theatre, but we started going more often when it became clear that at least one and possibly both of our kids are likely to go into the field professionally. And we "afford" the habit through a variety of means, including rarely paying full price for a ticket. For example, we've had a "preview night" subscription to the Shakespeare theatre for almost a decade. The combination of seeing the show before it's officially open and getting a discount for subscribing to the full season means we pay something like 40% of the usual ticket price. When the kids were little, we used to buy two subscriptions and take turns with one adult taking one kid to each show. We did the same thing with a Broadway touring company subscription one year (and that only after my father-in-law insisting on giving me money to spend on myself).

 

The voice lessons are also related to the kids' career goals, although I also believe music is good for the brain.

 

I think it's human nature to be surprised at what our fellow humans value, though. So, sure, our theatre habit is probably "wasteful" by some standards, and I'm comfortable knowing that some folks feel that way. (But it's entirely possible, if I'm doing the math from the other thread correctly, that we actually spend less taking the entire family to the theatre for a full season than some of those ladies spend on their hair in a year. So, I'm still just the teeniest bit . . . surprised.)

[Dustybug]

I got into a discussion with dh's aunt, who I consider my favorite aunt and love dearly about buying boneless, skinless chicken. She couldn't understand why anyone would buy boneless skinless chicken when you could buy a whole chicken for much less money and cut it up yourself. Luckily her dd in law was there and sided with me.

 

Neither one of us felt like the money to buy boneless skinless chicken was too much for us and we both felt like on average the time it would take us to cut up a chicken just wasn't worth it. (That is not saying that I never cook whole chickens, it is just the exception not the rule.) We grew up in different times and looked at that pretty differently. Dh's aunt is not poor although probably has a smaller income than we do, but she did grow up pretty poor.

 

We all had a good laugh and we each still buy what makes us happy.

 

A few years ago dh and I started contracting and we had to start looking at money differently. When we took our first contract jobs across the country we took some fairly big financial risks that scared both of us, but determined if we could make the job work for a few months we would break even and then everything else was gravy.

 

It is hard to change people's ideas of money, even when their financial situations change. We have friends and family who make much, much less than we do and we have friends and family that make more than we could even dream of. We are still able to be friends and have a good time when we are together. We do try to be respectful of the financial situations everyone is in and to not cause hardship when we do things.

 

This made me chuckle because this is one area I "splurge" in as well that my mother thinks is ridiculous. BUT I have a real aversion to pulling skin/bones off or or out of my food. When I was a child, if I came into the kitchen when my mom was taking the skin off of the chicken, I would get so quesy that I wouldn't be able to eat that night. So, I buy boneless, skinless meat. :)

 

My DH is a hunter. When he brings home deer or turkey, I tell him that I do NOT want to see it until it looks like meat I would purchase in the store! lol

 

Well - ok, but where does one draw the line???

 

How much does your internet connection cost? Many people in 3rd world countries think at-home internet connection (or any at all) is frivolous. Two changes of clothes are all anyone needs to own, all family members can live in a one room house with an outhouse, and we could share a car with the neighbors.

 

That's where the "judgement" call comes in.... and where the OP feels the problem is. No one here should judge another person (that they do not know IRL) and their spending habits. Someone might feel that a $350 hair cut/color/service is outrageous and "obviously" frivolous, but why? How can that be logically justified???

 

:iagree::iagree:

I'm a Christian, but this is something that is different from person to person. God blesses everyone differently and just because someone shells out $350 for haircut, does not mean they aren't giving elsewhere. I do believe we are to be good stewards of what God provides for us, but I don't think that equates never spending more on a luxury.

[sewingmama]

I spend more than most people on skin care items for my family. If we were to go down the list, I'd probably blow people away with how much we spend, BUT...my husband has psoriasis and my children have eczema and other topical allergies. So the expense suddenly makes more sense. However, in a WTM skin care financial comparison I'm not really likely to go into all the details of our physical ailments. LOL.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I always hate the threads about "how much do you spend on your childs clothing/wardrobe" I always get the feeling that if you spend more then $50 a season or buy from anywhere else but a thrift store that you are raising a spoilt brat.

 

I spend a largish amount of money on my DD's clothes every season - for a few reasons -we never get hand me downs and our thrift stores are useless but the number 1 reason is because she has a physical defect and buying her nice clothing helps her feel pretty - so yeah, if I choose to buy her a $40 princess dress-up to help counteract the teasing and put downs she endures every day I'm not going to apologise for it. Nobody can know everyone's circumstances.

 

I can guarantee I spend more then anyone else on this board for hair care - but I won't tell anyone why because it's a medical reason ;)

 

For those who can get away with spending $20 for hair cuts - instead of acting shocked and superior count yourself lucky that you have easily maintained hair or don't have costly medical conditions to deal with.

[Lisbeth]

Interesting topic. I agree with trickle-down of wealth. When I stand before the good Lord I would hope to explain that what I pay a lot for helped others earn a honest living, and that in many ways there is so much more dignity in that than a handout. That said, I *do* tithe 10% as we are called to do, and in my Church, helping the less fortunate is an active thing. (I'mLDS.) Also Provident Living is taught early and often in my Church. Debt means losing your agency, just as much or nearly as much as drugs and alcohol do. Being free to make good choices is stressed. I can, store food, and extreme coupon as part of my hedge against spending too much.

All that said, I am a Capitalist, anf dh is a great provider. Within reason we will spend on special things for the children, a nice house in a safe, kid-friendly area, and nice/ safe cars. I love Uggs and spend a lot on books. The kids do not get necessities as gifts. They get private lessons and vacations.

I do my own hair as mentioned on the other thread, and no manis or pedis. My kids get Supercutz or Sportscutz. We rarely get new furniture. As Mormons we don't spend on Starbucks, alcohol or cigarettes. ;)

I don't know what my point is except - it is hard for anyone to see the financial picture of a person via one post... And I love reading these responses anyway.

[Amy in TX]

What I have to guard against in myself is a tendency to think of my spending choices as virtuous and others' as frivolous.

 

It's easy to think of buying books as virtuous, but I could get most of the books I buy from the library. I just want to own them :). It's easy to think of expensive haircuts as frivolous, and it's true that I wouldn't dream of spending $300 on one, but that's because I don't really get any pleasure from an amazing haircut. If I did, I would probably deprive myself of something else to save that money.

 

I think that we all find ways of getting things we like, if not ALL the things we like.

[AimeeM]

Well...

Are we also going to stop discussing how much we spent on curriculum, dance classes, field trips and other educational ventures that directly relate to homeschooling... but hey, it might offend someone.

 

Or we can all put on our big girl/boy panties and remember that a person's spending habits are relative and one of the things that makes this board great is the diversity.

[DawnM]

This was us as well, although it was in Los Angeles.

 

We both worked and had more money in many ways and yet, we also spent it differently than we do now.

 

$300 was less than our monthly car payment. It was about what we spent on eating out every month, etc.....

 

I did work until my oldest was 7 though.....that is when we moved and I stopped working. We spent WAY MORE than $300 on daycare.

 

We are far more frugal now.

 

Dawn

 

 

 

Here's the thing: We used to have a lot more money. We were dual income, no kids, both working professional jobs in Manhattan, etc. Even then I wouldn't have so much as considered spending $300 on my hair. It simply wouldn't be something I could live with, even if I "had the money."

 

[Daisy]

Well, I've always loved theatre, but we started going more often when it became clear that at least one and possibly both of our kids are likely to go into the field professionally. And we "afford" the habit through a variety of means, including rarely paying full price for a ticket. For example, we've had a "preview night" subscription to the Shakespeare theatre for almost a decade. The combination of seeing the show before it's officially open and getting a discount for subscribing to the full season means we pay something like 40% of the usual ticket price. When the kids were little, we used to buy two subscriptions and take turns with one adult taking one kid to each show. We did the same thing with a Broadway touring company subscription one year (and that only after my father-in-law insisting on giving me money to spend on myself).

 

The voice lessons are also related to the kids' career goals, although I also believe music is good for the brain.

 

I think it's human nature to be surprised at what our fellow humans value, though. So, sure, our theatre habit is probably "wasteful" by some standards, and I'm comfortable knowing that some folks feel that way. (But it's entirely possible, if I'm doing the math from the other thread correctly, that we actually spend less taking the entire family to the theatre for a full season than some of those ladies spend on their hair in a year. So, I'm still just the teeniest bit . . . surprised.)

 

I hope you didn't think I was questioning your theater going. I wasn't. Just agreeing with you that people have different priorities. I love the theater, by the way. :D

[coffeefreak]

Back to the original question, no, I don't have a problem discussing finances on this board. This board is largely anonymous to me. Sure, there might be some people I know that lurk and can see my discussions, but for the most part, I don't know any of you.:D

 

Now, discussing finances with friends, that's something I've scaled back on in the last year. I had started a thread back in August about a dress I had bought. I had several friends that looked down on me because I had paid top dollar while they went to Target or Savers (for a wedding). I was annoyed they looked down on me, and still am quite frankly. Because of that experience, I no longer discuss finances with friends. I have one friend (only one) that I get into mild discussions with, because we are both looking at houses. However, we are both so respectful and courteous of each other. We're not in a competition, nor are we called on to judge each other on how we're spending our money. It's actually very refreshing, but I am extremely cautious of having these discussions with any one else.

 

We are becoming more and more polarized in this country, and I really think our Grandparent's generation had it right: Don't discuss Politics, Religion or money, and you'll get along fine.:001_smile:

 

Blessings!

Dorinda

[Ibbygirl]

Reading through the "$350 for haircuts/perms" was pretty funny. Some people seem so shocked that they seem to almost look down on those of us who have spent that much money. They seem to think us vain. Oh I didn't see anyone say that, but the way they answered for themselves sort of implis what they think about others who follow the practice.

 

So, is discussing spending habits on this board a good thing? I'm positive we run the spectrum of financial situations. Wouldn't the attitudes of the people living paycheck to paycheck vary greatly (mostly) from the people who have large disposable incomes? As always, there are people in each category who aren't acting in a stereotypical manner. There are people like my mom who are living paycheck to paycheck paying way too much for a vehicle because she feels she deserves it. And there are people who have lots of money but squeeze pennies very tightly to the point where they and their family live in bad conditions. (think Scrooge)

 

Besides hair, can't we also ask the same type of question for other things?

 

Wow, do you really spend $$$ on:

 

cars

houses

clothes

curriculum

skin care

toilet paper

total Christmas budget

clothing

 

Just a thought. I believe choosing what to spend money on is relative to one's income level. On that hair thread, some people are paying less than $20 and think that's outrageous while others don't think anything of paying $50 or $100, or more. Are some people saying that spending that much money on hair must be vain regardless of income level? Does what a person buy make a difference? Am I being a wiser person if I buy $300 for books every so often instead of paying $300 for having my hair done every so often?

 

I might be rambling. I'm just thinking 'aloud' sort of. :) FWIW, I don't like spending $300 on hair because hair isn't important to me, but I thought nothing of how much I just spent on clothing for dd13 for Spring. I know we've discussed that very topic on this board as well.

 

I don't think you're rambling and I understand what you are saying and where you are coming from. For the record, I didn't read that thread as people thinking that others are vain for spending so much or thinking they are superior if they didn't. At least that wasn't how it came across to me, but rather people discussing more what they could afford, what they did and what those service were worth in their opinion. I think of my mother and myself. She has a more disposable income than I do, but not a HUGE amount more. However she spends a great deal more on beauty for herself than I do. She gets mani's and pedi's regularly and buys wigs for herself every time she comes back down to Florida to visit me. It makes her feel better about herself and so she just budgets it in to her expenses and saves money elsewhere.

 

I'm in a different situation because I'm married and have a family (mom is single and lives alone) and my husband won't let me spend the money on those things (and we really don't have it anyway) so I do them myself, but I would love to be able to get pedicures if I could. My mom bought me my first one last summer and it was wonderful. I don't have anything in my general budget for beauty services for myself and I cut my children's hair myself.

 

However, when I do get money (for Christmas and my birthday) I usually spend it on music related things (like a new guitar, pedal, amp or sheet music) instead of taking myself out to get a pedicure (even though I would love one) because when I weigh the two, I would rather spend that money on a new guitar that I will have for years (even though I have 7 others already but that's another discussion :p ) than a pedicure because to me the guitar is worth more than the pedicure.

 

I think I am the one rambling now. :p So I guess part of it is income level and the amount of spending money for those types of things, but it also has to do with the priorities, preferences and spending habits in the consumer's life (like the example you gave of your mother's car vs. someone who is more like a Scrooge). I think those factors (and probably others too) make up the "value" that something is to a person and what they are willing to pay for it. I know many people look at my guitar collection and shake their head and probably think, "you already have a guitar, why do you need another one?" but what they don't understand is how much I enjoy them and how each one is different and each one is useful for different things that I may want to do musically. And besides, I just love them! :p To someone else it may be a great vacation somewhere or another sort of hobby, or to another clothing, cosmetics or beauty services. I think people should do what makes them happy as long as they are living within their means and not hurting themselves (or anyone else). That just my two cents for the 1 cent that they're worth! :p hehehe

Edited March 4, 2012 by Ibbygirl

[Night Elf]

Ooh, I come back from shopping and have 5 pages to read. Cool! :)

 

Fwiw, I didn't post to suggest we not talk about certain subjects or to change the board. I've been here for at least 10 years and I've always enjoyed the diversity of the posts and posters. There are threads I stay out of but I certainly don't think they should be banned. I can't think of any topic, actually, that should be banned. I know political threads can get crazy, but I stay out of those anyway. :D

[ma23peas]

I think it comes down to what people value. It can be interpreted if someone spends quite a bit more on one item/service that they must 'value' that service over other things.

 

We buy our cars new, but we keep them for 15+ years...others like to have a new car every 5-10 years...it may make them 'feel' good to have a newer car or just the peace of mind they do not have to worry about engine trouble with an older car.

 

We have horses, because we value our time with them and how we can help use them for a ministry, it's not that expensive to keep up a horse...we have land so 8 months out of 12, the grass feeds them, hay runs around $700 and farrier/vet fees around $500...others may see $1200 a year on animals to be excessive...but keeping a car for 15 years means I go 10+ years without a car payment...at $400 a month..many are paying $5000 more than me a year to have a new car....

 

So, I guess you could say that when people realize how expensive hair care can be...they're making a judgement that spending $350 every two months on hair is out of the realm of their world..where that money could go to something more 'practical'....as homeschoolers, the bulk of us are pretty practical people...I don't think it was trying to be mean or look down upon someone just a matter of shock in a pretty practical world.

 

My most unpractical spending is for soaps..I just love H20 products, I'll wait for the sale, but never buy soaps made in the stores...the scents and such give me headaches..but H20 soaps last a long time and have such a great clean smell..I probably spend about $300 a year on their soaps...and it's worth every last penny :) Those that spend as much on their hair feel the same way, it's just what we value :)

[Sputterduck]

I would consider it a vain move to spend 350 on hair if I were filthy rich. I don't sit around and care what other people do with their money though. That kind of money spent regularly could change some people's lives. Why not change a life instead of do your hair? But that's just me. I don't care what others do.

[QueenCat]

I would consider it a vain move to spend 350 on hair if I were filthy rich. I don't sit around and care what other people do with their money though. That kind of money spent regularly could change some people's lives. Why not change a life instead of do your hair? But that's just me. I don't care what others do.

 

I don't spend $350 on hair, more like $85, every 5 weeks.... And what I spend does help others in their lives. It allows my hair dresser to earn money, which helps her support her daughter; it allows the salon to stay in business, which is good for our community. Especially since it is not a chain but a true local business. Well, not my $ alone, but all put together, with the other clients.

[Rosie_0801]

Well here's my judgment for the morning:

 

I'm shocked that so many people here care whether they are being judged by a bunch of people they don't live with, work with or have to socialise with.

 

There are people on here who would think I'm lazy, a slob, ignorant, talk too much, and should shut up because my kids are only preschoolers.

 

There are people here I think are ignorant, rude, should change their religions, apologise too much, aren't judgmental enough, would benefit from a clip over the ear every now and then, etc. What a surprise. There are a few thousand people around here. Is it really so inhumane to think about them and notice enough to form opinions?

 

And if you have started wondering whether you are one of them, you'd better go re-read the italics paragraph again. :p

 

Rosie