Poll: would you have $$ help if you were in $$ trouble?

[kalanamak]

Reading posts about people who are really struggling, I wondered how many people feel they have family/friend options when they are losing a house, or skipping meals or needed medical care.

[ChristusG]

Thankfully, if we were in financial trouble, we have a lot of family that would make sure we never missed a meal or had to sleep on the streets.

[eternalknot]

I definitely do. My family would never let it get to that point, honestly. We're all pretty much up in each other's business, and have an existing system of pooling our resources already - be those time, money, shelter, food, or medical care. Or anything, really. I've been on both ends, giving and receiving. Actually, I'm on either end on any given day.

[Parrothead]

If it was medical we'd be able to go to family. Food, too, I imagine. Stupidity, no. If we went on vacation knowing the property taxes were do on the car we'd have to suck that one up.

[Chelle in MO]

We have lots of family willing and able to help at any time, should the need arise.

 

Blessed, indeed!

[Daisy]

I'm not sure how to answer.

 

We could probably go to my husband's parents but we wouldn't unless it was the absolute last choice.

[Mommy22alyns]

We have MIL, thank God. My family would be no help at all.

[JenneinCA]

We could (and have) go to my parents and get whatever help we needed. They helped when we dealt with the sudden move to CA and needed to sell the house by letting us sleep on their floor while the house was getting ready. They were fantastic about the whole situation and I will always remember how they just made it all work.

 

They would help whenever and however we had need. Thankfully we haven't needed that kind of help recently, but it is profoundly comforting to know that we have back up if we ever need it.

 

I hope we will be able to do the same for our kids if the need were to arise.

[ChristineW]

Absolutely. My Ils helped pull the money together when we needed a down payment--they had done it for their other kids and wanted to do it for us. They would do anything for us, and FIL is in a position where he can help. If we were in real trouble, I could go to my mom but I'd prefer not to.

[Dandelion]

We would have lots of people to turn to if we needed help.

 

My husband comes from a huge, close-knit family (he's the youngest of nine kids). Between his family and good friends, we'd be just fine if we were ever in a bad spot.

[lisabelle]

We *are* the people our loved ones turn to when they need help. I think, if we were ever in need of help, our loved ones would do their very best to help us out. I don't think they could give us money, but I think they would open their homes to us.

[Mom in High Heels]

Oh, yes. If we were ever in severe financial trouble, both my parents would help us out. In fact, early on in our marriage, we needed help and they provided it.

[Melissa in Australia]

Didn't vote as there was no other

I cannot imagine me being in that position, We live in a country that looks after it's Citizens as far as medical.

[asta]

Monetarily?

 

No one.

 

A place to crash short term (if we could get there)?

 

Yes. But it wouldn't necessarily be blood family.

 

 

a

[Carrie12345]

Well, yes and no.

 

If there were some sudden tragedy, I know my mother's door is always open, 800 miles away.

I also have an aunt I could probably ask for help if I couldn't put food on the table, but I would be much more likely to turn to a food bank and/or food stamps before doing that, because I'd have to assume the following weeks/months would be similar.

 

Neither set of parents is in a position to help out financially. In fact, we've been the ones to help out with one set.

[Prudent]

We wouldn't have anyone. Not because of a lack of love, but we are the only ones in our families not living in poverty. We are the ones who people come to for help.

 

Because of that, and the fact that DH works in a very unstable industry, we've always lived very far below our means to create our own soft place to land.

[Luckymama]

Yes, we could call my dad and he would help with anything in a second. It would have to be something absolutely catastrophic though, since we've worked hard to get to where we are.

 

On dh's side of the family, we are the only ones financially solvent. We would get the call for help.

[Onceuponatime]

We have people to turn to, and it would not be a problem, but would only do it in case of dire need.

[lynn]

My family is the type that they would give you anything you needed if they possibly could, without question.

Edited November 10, 2010 by lynn

[Gwenhwyfar]

not really...some of them might *want* to help, but none of them are really in the financial position to do that.

[mytwomonkeys]

yes. my parents and 1 of my sisters are in a financial position that they could (and would) help us with no problem. i hope we are never in that position though.

 

my friend was going to lose her house 2 years ago (best friend from 9th grade). she needed a few thousand dollars to cover closing cost for a refinance (which would change her payment). we wrote a check for her (the checks you get from your credit card company). it saved her house. she paid me back just as she promised. it was a good thing... but we did it with full understanding that we may never be reimbursed.

Edited November 10, 2010 by mytwomonkeys

[hsbaby]

Fortunately, yes. My family would help in a heartbeat.

[TravelingChris]

I answered yes but I am not thinking monetarily, except very temporarily. As in my friends here would buy something for me and I would pay them back right away. My dh's family is useless- they wouldn't even help us with a pet even if we were paying for it (with a move overseas and summer travel problems). My brother would in his limited way- he has no room in his apartment for even an overnight guest (hoarder, I suspect). Our friends definitely would and so would our church, our homeschool community, and our military community.

[bettyandbob]

if we were skipping meals/losing the house, we would ask for help and I'm sure we would get it.

 

short of that I wouldn't ask. Many years ago my big sister was upset she and her dh didn't have$$ to go to a bowl game when their alma mater was picked for the game. she whined enough that my mom gave her money. I was repulsed by the behavior. A bowl game? Her family takes a basic beach vacation yearly. And they've never had a car more than 4 years old.

[Tabrett]

We do, but i the situation we are in, I won't ask. I don't want to throw bad money after bad. If it weren't for the type of situation we were in presently I would ask.

 

Confusing? Right?:D

[Mommyfaithe]

No one to turn to...and we never have had anyone to turn to. It has not always been easy and I always have it in the back of my head that should something drastic happen, what would I do? I would hate to have to become dependent on my kids. I am an experienced book keeper, so it wouldn't be too hard to get a job....but then I worry about my little ones....

 

Anyway, I am now trying to save for that stormy day...but it is so slow going....

 

Faithe

[Trish]

As the econmy gets worse (and based on what I've been reading about it, I don't see how it can get better in the near future) we will come to rely more and more on support systems. Families may begin sharing houses, like in the Depression.

[Cinder]

We have family that would be willing to help but not able. We're usually the ones who have helped them in a tight spot.

 

Cinder

[mom31257]

Both sets of parents would help us in a heartbeat. In fact, one set does a lot for us without us asking. They've given us money for a vacation for the last few years. This year they did an amazing thing for us. They bought us a new car. They knew both our vehicles had a lot of miles on them.

 

My dh is a public school teacher, but he worked for many years in Christian schools that weren't state accredited, so he makes quite a bit less than he should for his years experience. The schools here have had pay cuts, too. I think my in-laws knew that the money on repairs or a new vehicle would be difficult for us.

 

They seem to have the attitude that they'd rather see us enjoy the benefit of their help while they are still alive rather than after they are gone.

[LuvToRead]

Our church budgets money each year to help those in need. The names of those who are helped are kept confidential. If I found myself in a desperate situation, I would turn to my church for help.

[Rhonda in TX]

Thankfully, if we were in financial trouble, we have a lot of family that would make sure we never missed a meal or had to sleep on the streets.

 

Same here. We are very blessed. Nobody is rich, but everybody would be willing to help.

[MBM]

Financially, we're in good shape. I'm not worried about that aspect.

 

If something were to happen to both dh and me, one of my two adult children would probably help get the youngest through high school. No other relatives would likely avail themselves.

[Cinder]

This year they did an amazing thing for us. They bought us a new car. They knew both our vehicles had a lot of miles on them.

 

 

Wow--I bet that was exciting!!!

 

Cinder

[Meriwether]

I wouldn't expect my family to make house payments. I feel very strongly that we are not owed a home. I do feel very secure that as long as anyone in my family has a home and food to eat, my family will, too. If the worst should happen and one of my kids needed cash to pay for, well anything of an emergency sort, my parents, sister, and brother would come up with anything we couldn't cover. It might take months to sell off assets but I would get the money. I would hope to never have to ask. I would also be willing to sell my house if a relative needed the money that badly.

[Tiff in TX]

Yes, we could call my dad and he would help with anything in a second. It would have to be something absolutely catastrophic though, since we've worked hard to get to where we are.

 

On dh's side of the family, we are the only ones financially solvent. We would get the call for help.

 

 

This is exactly us... my parents are very financially sound and would be able to help at a moments notice, while DH's family still struggles to help themselves.

 

We live in my parents old house (it's completely paid off) and pay rent ($350) to them, so we are currently saving for a downpayment on a house and if DH lost his job, we would just stop paying rent and go into survival mode.

[jld]

When our son was diagnosed with cancer last year (AML) in the beginning of June, we had to pay cash up front to put him in the hospital here in India. It took insurance almost 2 mos. (the end of July) to start reimbursing us.

 

Every paycheck went to the hospital. We got to the point where we only had $1000 left in our American account, and $400 here in India (we did the treatment here, as the doctors told us ds would not survive transport, and treatment needed to be started immediately).

 

We got to the point, one Sunday morning, about a month after treatment began, when we knew we didn't have the cash to pay the next hospital bill. The next day dh's company offered us a loan until the insurance reimbursements started. (They even took out an amount from dh's paycheck for the next several months, instead of requiring a lump sum payback as soon as the insurance did come through -- very kind.) It really saved us.

 

My family knew about the illness, but almost no one offered money. (Everyone assumed insurance would pay, I guess.) My sister did, but she's in real estate, and I knew no one in America was really doing well last year (well, except some bankers, I guess). I didn't want to ask anyone, unless we became really desperate. I'd do some pretty desperate things before I'd just let my child die.

 

My brother with the $40 million couldn't be bothered, apparently. I don't recall his ever offering money. As a matter of fact, we didn't hear from him at all except for a few e-mails at the beginning of ds's treatment. (And, to be fair, a week after ds was diagnosed, he did send ds a computer game and a letter.)

 

He finally wrote to me again the beginning of Sept, to tell me about his daughter's coming wedding. He acknowledged not being in contact with us, saying that he didn't have "easy access to a computer". All summer? The guy made his fortune in technology! Bottom line: he didn't care. It wasn't happening to his kid.

 

My experience is why I so strongly support a single payer system like the French one. I don't trust the libertarian way, the way it currently is in India, with paying cash or just dying on the street. Good grief, even India wants definite universal coverage with an upgraded system (they have gov't health care now, but it's not very well-funded, and anyone who can goes private).

 

Dh's company is going to start paying extra taxes on each worker, as part of a new program by the gov't, so India can have a better health care system for everyone. It's only going to benefit the country to have its population healthy.

 

The gov't is also starting a true retirement program, too, so people don't end up in poverty or dependent on their relatives (who might decide to throw them out or abuse them -- I've certainly heard stories like that here). And more and more people are interested in school reform, in not just learning based on memorization, but a logic and experience-based system as well.

 

That's why I don't understand why America is so resistant to single payer. It would save money and improve health care. I wish people would stop acting out of fear (and listening to people who promote fear) and really take a look at what would improve life for everyone.

[Crimson Wife]

I voted the 3rd option but the truth is somewhere between the 3rd & 4th options. It depends on what exactly the circumstances of the financial crisis (or crises) were and what we were doing ourselves to try to get out of the jam.

 

My family can be very generous at times- such as my folks allowing us to live with them for a year plus babysitting my oldest 2 days/week while my DH was in grad school with us just paying the increased utilities & food bill. OTOH, they can also be of the "you make your bed, you lie in it" mindset if the emergency is self-inflicted.

[Brenda in FL]

Yes - we have family to turn to and did for 9 months(out of 15 months) while dh was unemployed. We stayed at the inlaws luxury condo on the beach, rent and utility-free while dh was seeking employment. It was a HUGE blessing and the extended family was very gracious and supportive.

[BigMamaBird]

We have places to turn where we would be immediately helped and I would do everything in my power to help a loved one in need.

[MamaT]

My family would help and would never expect anything in return and would never mention it again. That is just our way. We have been on the receiving and giving end.

 

My ILs, on the other hand, would help if we asked but we would never hear the end of it. They helped dh's brother with his medical deductible after he had a heart attack. They actually wrote it down so that amount would be taken out of his inheritance. Unbelievable.

[4kiddies]

I am confident that if it ever became so bad that I could not feed, cloth or have a roof over my children's head that multiple family members would help out--parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and even cousins. None are rich but all would help in some way, whether it would be meals, offering a place to stay or buying clothes. We are very lucky.:001_smile:

[Renee in NC]

Yes, and without them we would have been homeless long ago.

 

My mom loaned me the money to buy the burned out trailer we moved to after our house went into foreclosure. My grandmother loaned us the money for central heat. My dad helped with the work and bought some stuff so I could finish it up. Two of my aunts came to help paint it (there were 14 years of nicotine on those walls!) After we moved, my dad handled the details of the sale (the proceeds paid back my mother and my grandmother.)

 

My grandmother sends us $50-100 periodically (every couple of months.) I have another aunt who gave us $500 for a much needed van repair a few weeks ago.

 

My father is helping pay copays for my 9yo's dr visits and prescriptions. He can't pay them all, but he does help when he can. He also takes VERY good care of my 17yo - he pays for the things he needs that his Dad isn't paying for. He also finds work for him to do around his house even though he doesn't really have the money to do so - the situation at ds's Dad's makes it impossible for him to get a real job and he does need money. My Dad also replaced the septic system at the trailer here when it went bad last spring.

 

My mother gave us a place to stay when we moved here. We lived there 3 months before moving to this trailer. It is her rental and it was DEPLORABLE when we got here - we spent that 3 months cleaning, repairing, and making it livable. We did pay her market rent for it for a year, but have fallen behind in the past few months (dh's OT was cut to nothing and we owe her about 1.5 months rent.) She hasn't evicted us and gave me back some of the rent money recently to help with that van repair I mentioned above.

 

My FIL in Iowa has said that his home is always open to us, no matter what. He gave us his old minivan 2 years ago so dh would have something to drive. Not only that, he and my BIL drove from IA to bring it to us (and went right back the next day.)

 

A cousin sent me a giftcard out of the blue a couple of months ago, too.

 

Without all this help, we would truly have been homeless. Neither of my parents have it to give right now - my mother is even closing down her business of 15+ years due to the economic conditions. She is trying to help me figure out what to do with my 12yo while I work tax season (he is my only homeschooled child left.) I can't even imagine where we would be without the love and support of so many.

 

Thanks for reminding me how much to appreciate it!

[Murphy101]

We don't really have family like that.

No siblings and my dad is literally at death door himself and not that well off.

My in-laws would help if we were truly desperate IF they could. They are currently helping her dad and are still recovering from many years of helping her mother with alzhimers. Even if they could help us, it wouldn't be much and it wouldn't be for long.

 

The hardest thing about accepting funds from someone is you are usually expected to pay it back. Which is fine. But when you are that bad off, you can't make an honest promise to do that, certainly not to do so within a time frame, kwim? Having family that can give you money and having family that can, but would need it back are two different things.

[danybug]

I feel very blessed to say we could depend on help from my parents, my inlaws or even my small church family. It is a wonderful and relieving thing to know that should the need arise that we would have a support network to try and help us through whatever trial we are presented with!

[dangermom]

We've had a difficult time the last couple of years and my parents have helped us out a lot. My in-laws are the ones we've helped when things were better for us; they are not in a position to help us.

 

We'd never be homeless or starving, but we can't ask my parents for money now. Happily my husband is getting unemployment, and I have my little job, so we are scraping by--most of 2009 was no income at all.

[MBM]

When our son was diagnosed with cancer last year (AML) in the beginning of June, we had to pay cash up front to put him in the hospital here in India. It took insurance almost 2 mos. (the end of July) to start reimbursing us.

 

Every paycheck went to the hospital. We got to the point where we only had $1000 left in our American account, and $400 here in India (we did the treatment here, as the doctors told us ds would not survive transport, and treatment needed to be started immediately).

 

We got to the point, one Sunday morning, about a month after treatment began, when we knew we didn't have the cash to pay the next hospital bill. The next day dh's company offered us a loan until the insurance reimbursements started. (They even took out an amount from dh's paycheck for the next several months, instead of requiring a lump sum payback as soon as the insurance did come through -- very kind.) It really saved us.

 

My family knew about the illness, but almost no one offered money. (Everyone assumed insurance would pay, I guess.) My sister did, but she's in real estate, and I knew no one in America was really doing well last year (well, except some bankers, I guess). I didn't want to ask anyone, unless we became really desperate. I'd do some pretty desperate things before I'd just let my child die.

 

My brother with the $40 million couldn't be bothered, apparently. I don't recall his ever offering money. As a matter of fact, we didn't hear from him at all except for a few e-mails at the beginning of ds's treatment. (And, to be fair, a week after ds was diagnosed, he did send ds a computer game and a letter.)

 

He finally wrote to me again the beginning of Sept, to tell me about his daughter's coming wedding. He acknowledged not being in contact with us, saying that he didn't have "easy access to a computer". All summer? The guy made his fortune in technology! Bottom line: he didn't care. It wasn't happening to his kid.

 

My experience is why I so strongly support a single payer system like the French one. I don't trust the libertarian way, the way it currently is in India, with paying cash or just dying on the street. Good grief, even India wants definite universal coverage with an upgraded system (they have gov't health care now, but it's not very well-funded, and anyone who can goes private).

 

Dh's company is going to start paying extra taxes on each worker, as part of a new program by the gov't, so India can have a better health care system for everyone. It's only going to benefit the country to have its population healthy.

 

The gov't is also starting a true retirement program, too, so people don't end up in poverty or dependent on their relatives (who might decide to throw them out or abuse them -- I've certainly heard stories like that here). And more and more people are interested in school reform, in not just learning based on memorization, but a logic and experience-based system as well.

 

That's why I don't understand why America is so resistant to single payer. It would save money and improve health care. I wish people would stop acting out of fear (and listening to people who promote fear) and really take a look at what would improve life for everyone.

 

Kudos to your husband's company. Your brother, though? Urg. :confused: I hope your son makes a strong recovery.

 

I so agree with you on your last point.

[jld]

Thanks so much, MBM. :)

[Audrey]

No. We are on our own and we know it. I've been that way all my adult life. I'm used to it, and I expect that if anything is to be done, I'll be doing it myself. I'm really okay with that. My parents were like that, so I guess I never really knew this concept of having family give you money or put you up in their homes or that kind of hand up in life.

 

Dh had always thought he had a safety net in his family, but that's just not reality. I would never dare ask his siblings for such help. It would be too much to ask -- too much of a burden on them -- they just don't have the capacity to offer that kind of help. I think it's hard for my dh sometimes to realize how very much is all on us. I mean... if we lost the farm, that would be 130+ years of family legacy gone -- and his fault for losing it. It's paid for now, so I don't worry about it, but he is sometimes scared by the enormity of it. I try to tell him not to go borrowing trouble, but I do understand how and why it sometimes gets to him.

[OrganicAnn]

We have people we could turn to, but we work very hard so that we will never have to turn to anyone.

[Tap]

We have no one to turn to for most things....short of lack of food. I know we could get fed or possibly money for food, but I wouldn't ask for money for a house payment. We could move into my in-laws 2 room apartment (200 sqft maybe) if we needed to but it would be a 1.5 hour each way commute for our jobs.