Do you let your 12yo hang out at the mall?

[Renee in NC]

Or your 10-11yo? My ds was invited to go to the mall with another boy (age 12) today. My dh said no way right off, but then the 12yo tried to convince him to let him as another girl (age 11) that we know is also going (among others.)

 

They were going to "hang out" at the mall (and these are homeschooled kids.)

 

Is this normal?

[Sputterduck]

Not a chance in the world. But I don't have a 12 year old yet. However, when the time comes, I can't see it happening.

[phathui5]

I would consider letting them go for a couple hours and then picking them up. As long as they stay at the mall, there's not much trouble they can get into.

[mcconnellboys]

No way. Not until high school and even then with some supervision as a 14 year old.....

[ChemMommy]

I see kids this age at the mall and they are just flirting and goofing off and texting. It's not how I want my kids to use their time. I don't want them flirting and loitering. Just my $0.02.:001_smile:

[LizzyBee]

Absolutely not. Many malls don't even allow unsupervised minors because of the trouble some of them cause.

[mrbmom77]

There have been robberies and gang fights at our local mall - in the middle of the day when families and kids are there. No way I'm letting mine. We did that when I was a kid, but it was the 80s - not quite as scary.

[Mejane]

My daughter was allowed to shop with a friend at 14, but dad and I were also in the mall and we all had phones so they could check in. I plan to do the same with son. Our mall strongly discourages unsupervised teens "hanging out." Security takes note.

[StephanieZ]

Might be "normal," but no way would I permit it.

 

It just sounds like a crummy idea.

 

I recently -- for the first time -- allowed dd13 to go to a movie at the mall, during the day, with several friends. They were dropped off in time for the movie and picked up immediately after. No way would hanging out at the mall be on my OK list, even at 13 with a very responsible dd. . .

 

Of all public places, a shopping mall sounds like one of the worst places to hang out, anyway!

 

Maybe, maybe, at 14, I'd allow a child to go shopping for some limited period of time -- a couple hours to shop (specific agenda and budget) and maybe time for a snack and/or a movie before or after shopping. I know I have to let go sometime, but not yet!! I think I'd want to be IN THE MALL the first couple times. . . with a cell phone on dd. . . and "check in" in person every hour or so. I'd be VERY selective about what friends dc was with, as I can see so many problems arising at a mall!!

[lauracolumbus]

I can't imagine letting my almost 12 yo ds go w/o me.

 

Laura

[clarkacademy]

My almost 13 year old does on occasion. She always goes with a friend carries a phone and has to call every 1/2 an hour. She is not allowed to go outside for any reason at all and meet at the designated pick up area inside the mall. Until she breaks the rules I trust her. We are also known to show up early to check on her so I know she is not trying to be sneaky. I don't think she would try anyway though. She also babysits, volunteers with the little girl scouts every week is First Aid CPR certified and is more trustworthy than the majority of adults I know. I think it depends on the kid and the way they were raised and their beliefs. My nine year old well I cannot see letting him go anywhere on his own till he is 20!!!

[tricia]

NOPE!

[AngieW in Texas]

I have let my kids splinter off from me at the mall to shop separately, but I stick with my youngest (11yo). Until my middle dd was 13yo, she also stayed with me or with her older sister. I have let my 11yo and 17yo go off together while I'm helping my 14yo shop. Mostly I take just one at a time to the mall.

 

My 17yo has gone shopping alone, but she drove herself. She went to the mall alone last weekend to window shop and see a movie.

[pqr]

Over my dead body.

[unsinkable]

No.

 

I rarely go to the mall myself.

[ereks mom]

No way. Not until high school and even then with some supervision as a 14 year old.....

 

:iagree: I take my 15yo dd to the mall (VERY small mall in a small town) to meet friends, and I stay at the mall and browse awhile myself. Dd & I send text messages just to check in periodically, and then we meet at a preset time.

[momof2jb]

No way!! Nothing but trouble comes from hanging out at the mall. Besides then he'd want money to buy stuff. :)

[5LittleMonkeys]

My 12 and 11 yr. old girls do not go anywhere public without some form of adult supervision. If they go to a movie with a friend I don't hover on top of them but I do sit in the same movie and expect them to meet me at the car within 10 minutes of the movie letting out. If a group goes to the skating rink someone's mom volunteers to stay. It is our policy not to allow our children to "hang out" at the mall.

 

To many times I have been at the mall shopping and have seen a group of teens or pre-teens hanging out and they have always been acting rude, loud and obnoxious. Why do they need to go to the mall to hang-out? They can hang-out at someone's house can't they? Well...no because there would be adult supervision at someone's home. They wouldn't be able to be seen and show off and exhibit behavior that their peers might find cool or funny but they know they shouldn't exhibit in front of parents.

 

My oldest did go to the mall once about a year ago with a friend and unbeknown to me the mom left them their for an hour. (I explained to the mom how unacceptable this was, she told me I was too overprotective, I told her we wouldn't be seeing them anymore) My dd complained that as soon as the mom was out of site the friend completely changed her behavior and started following cute, much older boys around. My daughter was mad and embarrassed.

 

The problem isn't always how your dc will behave but are you certain the other dc in the group will behave appropriately? What about all the other groups of kids that are hanging out there? Are you sure they won't expose your dc to inappropriate behavior? What about adults at the mall...I don't even want to think of that scenario. Not a risk I'm willing to take. When my dc are 18 they can go hang out at the mall if they choose but not as long as I am responsible for their safety and moral upbringing. Am I too overprotective in public situations? YES...it's my job to be. JMHO

[Colleen in NS]

NOPE!

 

Over my dead body.

 

:lol: and :iagree:

 

There is no way this is going to happen here. Not even with homeschooled kids. Not even with nice homeschooled kids. No purposeful reason what. so. ev. er.

[kdeno]

I am sure it is normal but I don't foresee okaying the mall at 12.

[Mommyfaithe]

no. nor my 15 y/o either.

[Aggie]

My 12 and 11 yr. old girls do not go anywhere public without some form of adult supervision. If they go to a movie with a friend I don't hover on top of them but I do sit in the same movie and expect them to meet me at the car within 10 minutes of the movie letting out. If a group goes to the skating rink someone's mom volunteers to stay. It is our policy not to allow our children to "hang out" at the mall.

 

To many times I have been at the mall shopping and have seen a group of teens or pre-teens hanging out and they have always been acting rude, loud and obnoxious. Why do they need to go to the mall to hang-out? They can hang-out at someone's house can't they? Well...no because there would be adult supervision at someone's home. They wouldn't be able to be seen and show off and exhibit behavior that their peers might find cool or funny but they know they shouldn't exhibit in front of parents.

 

My oldest did go to the mall once about a year ago with a friend and unbeknown to me the mom left them their for an hour. (I explained to the mom how unacceptable this was, she told me I was too overprotective, I told her we wouldn't be seeing them anymore) My dd complained that as soon as the mom was out of site the friend completely changed her behavior and started following cute, much older boys around. My daughter was mad and embarrassed.

 

The problem isn't always how your dc will behave but are you certain the other dc in the group will behave appropriately? What about all the other groups of kids that are hanging out there? Are you sure they won't expose your dc to inappropriate behavior? What about adults at the mall...I don't even want to think of that scenario. Not a risk I'm willing to take. When my dc are 18 they can go hang out at the mall if they choose but not as long as I am responsible for their safety and moral upbringing. Am I too overprotective in public situations? YES...it's my job to be. JMHO

 

Great post. :iagree:

[Sasharowan]

I have let ds14 browse the game store while we were in a nearby store. He would freak out if I were to go off and leave him there. I could see dropping DD with a friend at 14 if she continues as she has been.

[Colleen in NS]

My dd complained that as soon as the mom was out of site the friend completely changed her behavior and started following cute, much older boys around. My daughter was mad and embarrassed.

 

no. nor my 15 y/o either.

 

I remember mall situations that my supposedly morally-upright friend got me into when we were 15/16 years old. No thank you. I'd rather steer my kids towards purposeful, healthy activities, with close adult supervision, during these next few years.

[Jen500]

No.

 

For me, the mall is for shopping, not hanging out.

[Renee in NC]

To many times I have been at the mall shopping and have seen a group of teens or pre-teens hanging out and they have always been acting rude, loud and obnoxious. Why do they need to go to the mall to hang-out? They can hang-out at someone's house can't they? Well...no because there would be adult supervision at someone's home. They wouldn't be able to be seen and show off and exhibit behavior that their peers might find cool or funny but they know they shouldn't exhibit in front of parents.

 

 

 

See, this is the reason I always gave my oldest about why I would not let him just hang out at the mall. My experience (as that unsupervised teen and also as a shopper) has been that teens in groups often tend towards obnoxiousness.

 

It has come up today for my next child down. My dh was the parent in the situation and he said absolutely not. I agree for the same reasons that we didn't let the oldest, but I wondered about others. I was just mentioning to a friend this afternoon that I get such great perspectives from this board, so I was wondering about how others approached this issue.

[Jan in SC]

My oldest son is almost 10 and he still freaks out at the mention of the word mall. I can't imagine him ever wanting to go there!

 

I really don't see groups of boys at our mall. There are usually teen girls, lots of families and couples, very few boy groups. We don't live anywhere exciting, though!

[Love2Smile]

No! My 15 year old is not allowed to hang out there either. The mall is full of trouble makers, gangs and more!

If she wants to go shopping, i'll take her, maybe meet her in one hour if she is with another girl, but that's it.

[fairfarmhand]

no way. I have a 12 yr. old and I wouldn't do this.

[Delighted3]

We rarely go to the mall, but when we do I will let my teenage daughters go shopping together without me while I shop with my younger children. They are 18 and 13. I even recently let my 13 yo and her 15 yo friend shop by themselves for about an hour while I was in a different part of the mall. They had money and got something to eat and were shopping for shoes, so they had a purpose. I would never just drop my teenager at the mall for an undetermined purpose and time. I am adamantly opposed to "hanging out" anywhere without adult supervision, especially at the mall.

I do however feel that as my children get older I need to put them in situations to foster some independence and to make them feel like I trust them to be responsible. I think teenagers crave that. That being said, we probably only go to the mall about once every 6 months and it can be quite a novelty :)

JMO,

Joy

[cathmom]

My mom allowed me to go to the mall with a friend starting at age 12. The mall was very close to our house, and she would drop us off and then my friend's mom would pick up or vice versa. But we were never hanging out in a group! It was just us. In fact, every weekend we had a refrain, "What do you want to do? The mall, the movies, your house, my house; the mall, the movies, your house, my house..."

 

With my children, we live so far from civilization that this has never been an issue. I suppose I might allow a child to go with a friend for an hour or two if it ever came up. But to go with other homeschooled kids just to hang out? No.

[Peela]

I honestly think that it depends on the kid, the friends, the mall, and the area. Yes, I would and have allowed my now teens to go to movies with their friends and sometimes shopping at the mall, from about age 12 or so- perhaps earlier if with their older sibling. At 14 and 15, I have no problem with my kids riding their pushbikes to the mall to go shopping with friends.

But these are my particular kids, their particular friends, and our particular mall in our particular area. My dd15 loves to shop and loves to go with her girlfriends- ds14 loves to actually go with the girls and just hang out!

[Joanne]

While I am in the mall, and with cell phones, yes.

 

I have not dropped them off there (except maybe for the movies now that I think of it, but that was time specific).

[rookie]

:lol: and :iagree:

 

There is no way this is going to happen here. Not even with homeschooled kids. Not even with nice homeschooled kids. No purposeful reason what. so. ev. er.

 

 

My sentiments, exactly.

[Tap]

Nope. That is the age I started shoplifting and I know that I stole thousands of dollars of stuff without getting caught. I looked very, very innocent and my mom still, to this day, believes I was the most angelic child to be born. She has nooooo idea the things we did 'at the mall'. We didn't even stay there sometimes. Someone would pick us up and we would leave. If we stayed there, we would meet up with people she would not have approved of. We knew where to hang out so we didn't get caught. We spent a lot of time in the office of the arcade. I had made friends with the manager (a 20ish yo man) so we would sit in there, where no one could have heard a scream due to the noise out front, in a room with no windows, just security camera screens. Luckily he was a good guy, but anything could have happened and no one would have known.

 

Even when my truly innocent friends went with me, they still stayed with me, being drug around in our little capers.

 

There is absolutely no way I would let my child walk around a place full of temptations and expect them to not give in.

 

 

ETA: I knew enough to stop shoplifting when I was 17 because if I got caught, it wouldn't nec. be sealed in a juvenile record. LOL I wasn't a dumb kid, I just did dumb things LOL

Edited April 19, 2010 by Tap, tap, tap

[Starr]

No, there must be a better place for boys to play.

[Strengthen My Hands]

NO WAY!!!! As my 15 yo would say... what's the point? :confused:

[RamonaQ]

No.

 

I don't think I could trust ds behavior in a group of kids. He is a great kid, but I have seen the group mentality of a bunch of boys.

 

I do agree that as kids get older, they do want independence. This is something that we are sorting out with our ds, age 11. However, the mall is not the first stop to begin to work on independence, for us it is a two block walk to the store with a friend. It depends a lot on the kids, I would say, and the circumstance.

[mom2denj]

NO. I just went through this with my 13 yr old dd. I have seen the mall on the weekends and no way is she hanging out there!!

[Cinder]

NO WAY!!!! As my 15 yo would say... what's the point? :confused:

 

:D This is exactly what my 15yo has said when he was invited to hang out at the coffee shop.

 

 

Cinder

whose ds's think going to the mall is about as fun as the plague

[RoughCollie]

We won't let our kids hang out at the mall. This is a rural area and the choices of things to do (in town) for teens are library, YMCA, and mall, so there are tons of kids at the mall. The kids are quiet and do not cause trouble -- mostly they sit in large groups in the food court and eat and talk quietly.

 

It is very civilized at the mall, but that does not mean I want to risk DD hanging around with potential bad apples. Now that we have moved here, my kids recognize kids who are using drugs and, by their behavior, can even tell us which drugs they are using: Everything from pot to meth, much of it supplied by their parents! There are plenty of horror-show parents around here, and it rubs off on their kids.

 

We do allow DD to go shopping with a friend. (The boys have no interest in doing that.) Every time, either DH or I (or both) are also at the mall, and we have two cell phones with us.

 

DD was 13 the first time she was permitted to go shopping at the mall with a friend. She has no problem with the way we handle it, and she has no money on her except for snacks. If she wants to buy something, she calls me and I go to the store and pay for it.

 

Even though we are nearby, I have warned DD about the potential for having friends who shoplift, and I told her how to handle it (exit the store immediately and call me).

Edited April 19, 2010 by RoughCollie

[OnTheBrink]

I would consider letting them go for a couple hours and then picking them up. As long as they stay at the mall, there's not much trouble they can get into.

 

They could be robbed, bullied, assaulted, abducted, persuaded by a friend or acquaintance to shoplift, or dared to do any number of completely stupid things. Kids that age just aren't that aware of their surroundings and they don't naturally consider how vulnerable they are to any sort of predator (and I don't necessarily mean sexual predator). How many kids walk around either focusing on texting or talking on the phone and aren't paying attention to who and what is around them? They could get into trouble all right--trouble of their own making, or trouble thrust upon them. There is just NO way I'd allow my 12 year old, or even older child, hang out at the mall. When my dd is old enough to drive, then she may shop at the mall, but I'd strongly encourage her to "hang out" somewhere else.

[mom2jjka]

A13 yr old girl was recently molested at our mall by a man impersonating a police officer.

He told the girls that he had caught them shoplifting He took them out to the parking lot and told them that he needed them to remove their clothes to 'prove' that they hadn't stolen everything.

 

http://www.startribune.com/local/88416032.html?elr=KArks:DCiUHc3E7_V_nDaycUiacyKUnciaec8O7EyUr

 

Thank the Lord that he was caught...but that poor girl's' life will be forever changed.:(

 

When I was in college, a young woman was abducted from the mall parking lot - she was never found.

 

My kids will not be going to the mall unsupervised until they are adults.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I did when I was 12. We took the bus to the mall, and then rode it back home again. BUT, that was a *very* long time ago! Times have changed. Mine haven't ever even asked to go to the mall by themselves (they're 12 and 13).

[teamturner]

To many times I have been at the mall shopping and have seen a group of teens or pre-teens hanging out and they have always been acting rude, loud and obnoxious. Why do they need to go to the mall to hang-out? They can hang-out at someone's house can't they? Well...no because there would be adult supervision at someone's home. They wouldn't be able to be seen and show off and exhibit behavior that their peers might find cool or funny but they know they shouldn't exhibit in front of parents.

 

The problem isn't always how your dc will behave but are you certain the other dc in the group will behave appropriately? What about all the other groups of kids that are hanging out there? Are you sure they won't expose your dc to inappropriate behavior? What about adults at the mall...I don't even want to think of that scenario. Not a risk I'm willing to take. When my dc are 18 they can go hang out at the mall if they choose but not as long as I am responsible for their safety and moral upbringing. Am I too overprotective in public situations? YES...it's my job to be. JMHO

 

:iagree: I was at an outdoor mall late on a Friday night after a movie with friends. The mall police where following a group of teens that they suspected of shoplifting. The kids were so obnoxious. I didn't feel very safe myself.

[Cindyg]

No. I can't imagine doing this.

 

I will let my 12YO son hang out in the electronics section at Target for 15 minutes or so while shop for my stuff -- just as my dad used to let me hang out at the pet section at our department store when he shopped for his stuff a thousand years ago. :)

 

But, no, I can't imagine turning my 12YO loose in a mall for a couple of hours with other kids his age, regardless of how nice they all might be. I just can't see any reason for it.

[Cindyg]

We spent a lot of time in the office of the arcade. I had made friends with the manager (a 20ish yo man) so we would sit in there, where no one could have heard a scream due to the noise out front, in a room with no windows...

 

Good heavens!

 

I could SO see myself doing something like this as a young teen. Such a bad idea!

[Liza Q]

I started letting my daughters go to the mall to shop without me a few years ago. My oldest was about 15 but our next daughter was more like 14 - she is a little more level-headed! I started by actually telling them to go and get something - new sneakers or something. Around here it is a necessary life skill to take the bus (or subway if you are going far) and the mall is a 15m bus ride from our house - handy!

 

Sometimes they go with friends. My rule is that they are to be shopping, not just hanging out. They are always welcome to invite their friends here and they usually take me up on it - they can watch a movie or chat and be silly in their room (I keep the younger ones out of their hair) and I provide plenty of food and snacks. If they go to the mall they have to pay for their own food and entertainment! Works pretty well, if I do say so myself!

 

I think that 12 is just too young for most kids.

[JulieJ]

I have boys that will probably never really want to hang out in the mall, but if they did my answer would be NO. Not because of them or because of other kids their age. It would be for the safety factor that so many bad things could happen to them there without our supervision. Like being kidnapped, raped, murdered. Some might say that I am paranoid but that is okay with me.

 

I still will only let my 8 yr old go to the restroom in public if his older brother can take him in. I read a story years back about a little boy that was stabbed to death in a public restroom at a beach, by a guy flipping out on drugs. His whole family was at the beach but they didn't hear a thing. Very sad story. I would rather be safe than sorry.

[mysticamethyst]

No way. I barely let them run up to Walgreens to spend money that they earn or get as gifts. I use to hang out at the mall when I was a kid and I can tell you nothing good comes from it. I made friends with some boys (20 somethings) that lived in the apts. behind the mall so I would just head over there. Stealing, drugs, drinking, and sex before a person is ready. All those things are easily attainable with hanging out at mall, or at least it use to be and that is ont thing I don't see changing for better. If I lived in a small town, then maybe but here in Houston, no way. Am I overprotective? Yeppers, but I have seen first hand many things that I never, ever want my kids to experience.