s/o Neighbors - are you friends or acquaintances?

[creekland]

The North/South thread got me thinking about your neighbors.  Do you know them?  Do things with them or for them?  Would you consider yourselves friends or acquaintances?  Couple this with what region(s) you've been in and rural/city life.  I'm suspecting we'll see a connection... but maybe not.

 

Both hubby and I grew up rural - him in NC and me in NY (so south and north).  We both knew our neighbors very well - inside and outside the house well, but we didn't travel together or play games together.  We would help each other out in situations when needed with no payment necessary and we often chatted and kept caught up on our lives.  We knew many details about what was going on in each other's lives.  It was also common to share food items (baked zucchini bread or similar).  There really is no difference between my youth experience or hubby's (except he was raised to say sir/ma'am and I found it repulsive outside the military setting ;)  ).

 

Where we live now it's the exact same way as when we grew up, except we do have one set of neighbors we regularly play games with (often with supper).  We know details of lives, food is exchanged regularly, and any of us will help out when needed.   We're still rural, but in PA.  Overall, our friends come from our neighborhood, work, and church.

 

When we lived in FL we were in a major city.  We knew the names of our neighbors, but that was essentially it.  We'd chat once in a blue moon, but rarely about anything major.  When we had the neighbor across the street watch our house, we paid her for it.

 

When we lived in RI we were in a major city in an apt building and didn't know any of the other residents.  Ditto that when we lived in FL in the major city prior to buying our house.  Our friends in those places came from church - nowhere else.  

 

I'm curious if our experience matches others...

[The Girls' Mom]

All my neighbors are related to my dh.   :crying:  :crying:  :crying: So, yes, we are very, very acquainted.  Did I mention VERY?  

I rather miss living in a neighborhood without blood ties.  We've lived in a lot of places, but we usually became pretty good friends with the neighbors in nearly every instance.  

[KarenNC]

Growing up, smallish town-- talked to the neighbors frequently, but not much "in the house" visiting except for us kids other than with one family. We kept up the friendship with that family even after they moved to another part of town, visiting regularly. I lived in that house for about 23 years, my father close to 30 before he moved. We had relatives on the next street, my grandmother was on the next block, living in a house that had been in my family since the early 1900s and several of her neighbors were her relatives.

 

Older neighborhood in big city--9 years, we spoke with some of the neighbors but definitely acquaintance level, primarily the ones on either side of us.

 

Current neighborhood---newish development in a suburb of the big city, 10 years, we speak with the neighbors on either side if we're all outside, but that's it. We talked more often with the retired couple who lived on one side, but they moved a year or so ago. We have exchanged phone numbers with one set of neighbors in case anything happens.

Edited August 27, 2016 by KarenNC

[Guest]

Medium sized town, small street, we barely know our neighbors. We have been here ten years and lots of people move in and out, but honestly we just aren't a social neighborhood and I'm okay with that. I wish we were maybe a little warmer but nobody else seems to want that either!

 

In both CA and AK I have been distant from neighbors. We knew them growing up, but barely as acquaintances. Like, I might recognize you in a grocery store or wave as I drive past. That's the same now too, maybe it's a west coast thing?

Edited August 27, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Loowit]

I barely know my neighbors.  We have two elderly couples, one of either side of us.  They are nice enough, but not overly friendly.  Across the street are duplexes that have people in and out all the time.  We never get to know them, nor do I really want to.  We live just outside of city limits.

 

Growing up I knew all of our neighbors.  I grew up in a rural area where I was related to half the people.  I was really close to one neighbor that was an elderly lady that lived alone.  She was like a grandmother to me.  I was very sad when she was moved to a nursing home.  Our other neighbor was the pastor and his wife, since we lived next to the parsonage.  We knew them pretty well since we also attended their church.

 

DH grew up near where we live now, only in the city limits in a planned neighborhood.  He had a lot of friends in the area, as did his parents.  After his parents moved they kept in touch with a number of the people and they are still friends and get together.

 

DH and I both grew up in the PNW about 20 miles from each other.

[Garga]

Strangers. Same general area as the OP. All my friends are from church.

[Guest]

Strangers. Same general area as the OP. All my friends are from church.

Mine too, except a few other homeschooling mamas who are different religions (or none at all) but I know through co op. My neighbor's aren't my circle at all.

[Kassia]

We live in a small development in a semi-rural area.  We know almost all of the neighbors, but I wouldn't say we are friends with any of them.  We are friendly with most of them and actually not on speaking terms with the people across the street (long story summed up by, "good fences make good neighbors").  Some are super nice and we know we can always go to them if we need anything and they can do the same with us.

 

I was best friends with a neighbor a few doors down when we lived in our first home.  

 

 

Edited August 27, 2016 by Erica H

[SparklyUnicorn]

One neighbor we do talk to once in awhile, and we have done things for each other.  Stuff like I once did my neighbor's taxes and he fixed a few things on our house.  We exchange xmas gifts.  DH chats him up once in awhile.  But that's it.  The woman on the other side we never talk to.  Most people keep to themselves around here.

 

 

[MEmama]

No. One side we wave friendly hellos to and chat about our gardens, but we maintain appropriate boundaries. The other side we don't know at all.

 

I would not like to have neighbors I am compelled to talk with or, heaven forbid, feel obligated to have over for dinner. I'd probably move.

[Arcadia]

Hubby and I grew up in dense cities in apartments. Same for now. Neighbors would be on aquaintance basis even though my neighbors feel safe leaving their kids in my house for playdates and emergencies.

[SparklyUnicorn]

No. One side we wave friendly hellos to and chat about our gardens, but we maintain appropriate boundaries. The other side we don't know at all.

 

I would not like to have neighbors I am compelled to talk with or, heaven forbid, feel obligated to have over for dinner. I'd probably move.

 

I feel the same!  I dunno I guess I see home as my place to hide from people.  LOL 

[Jane in NC]

We have lived in the same house in our small town for twenty years now. During that time we have had close relationships with neighbors as well as civil but distant.

 

Around fifteen years ago, four couples on the street just bonded. We had potluck meals together or would hire a babysitter, order pizza for the kids, and then go out for a meal.  The dynamics changed though following a divorce and people moving away.  We are friendly with the new folks but no longer have a tight relationship with most. The neighbor with whom we are most friendly has a key to the house. This is the neighbor who picks up our mail when we travel. 

 

My current neighbors include a couple who are only here part of the year.  She likes to bake bread and occasionally delivers a loaf.  Another neighbor hosted a 4th of July gathering this year, something that has not happened in a while.  It was very pleasant.

 

[amy g.]

I've never lived somewhere where we weren't close friends with the neighbors.

[alisoncooks]

We've been here 10 years.

 

Neighbors (husband and wife) to our right moved in 6 years ago (approx) - the man is friends with DH, borrows our mower when his is on the fritz, chats with DH over the fence, knows our kids/dog's name, we have his cell number on-hand but we don't "hang out" or have meals together or anything like that

 

Neighbor to the left (single man) was there before we moved in - we know his first name, wave occasionally, that's it.  I might recognize him out in public.

 

Neighbor across the street - complete stranger, moved in this summer.  Apart from "older woman," I wouldn't recognize her if I saw her

 

ETA: I grew up in a rural area.  All of my neighbors were my family members (like 5-6 houses all in a row, all cousins, uncles, aunts, etc).  All playmates were cousins.  We weren't a weird cult, just a farming family living on family land. :o

Edited August 27, 2016 by alisoncooks

[rebcoola]

Friendly acquaintances we chat but don't have dinner or anything their are a lot of older retirees and only a few families.  

Edited August 27, 2016 by rebcoola

[sassenach]

Somewhere in the middle? Our neighbors on either side and across the street, I would say we're more than acquaintances but less than friends. That's pretty much the same as when I was growing up.

[Sarah CB]

We were very close friends with our last neighbours. We lived in the house for about 8 years. We had dinner with them a few times a week in the summer months and about once a week in the winter months. They would come over for Thanksgiving dinner, birthdays, Christmas dinner, New Year's Eve, etc. 

 

Then we moved across the country.

 

But, they're coming to visit us next month :)

 

They're actually about 20 years older than dh and I.

[SKL]

I live in a suburb.  I've lived in this house for 20 years.  I don't know my neighbors.  I don't know their names (except for one of the kids next door) and I wouldn't recognize them if we met in a different place.

 

Then again, I have issues.  I have started telling people I'm face blind.

[QueenCat]

In every neighborhood we've lived in, we've made good friends. Friends that we hung out with, friends that were there when we needed them & vice versa. Friends that we made efforts to see even after we no longer lived in the same state. And now our next door neighbors, that we were relatively close to, in one state, now live ten minutes from us in another state. Certainly made the move easier. We aren't military so for us, it's pretty unusual. And then other neighbors were friendly neighbors that we occasionally chatted with and did group things together. Recently moved, though, and not sure that's going to happen here.

[SKL]

When I was a kid in a small town, we knew our neighbors pretty well.  When I was a younger kid in the city proper, we knew our neighbors pretty well.  In those days, kids went out and met the neighbors and asked if they had any kids who could come out and play.  Different times.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

We are all very warm acquaintances. The same people have lived on this end of the block for at least 12 years (most of them longer). There is zero hesitation to stop and chat at the mailbox or clothesline, to lend tools and help with projects, to call in an emergency.

 

Yet we don't really socialize. No games nights, block parties, suppers or BBQs. It's as if everybody wants to keep that layer of separation lest there's a fallout of some kind? Neighbors are neighbors, not friends?

 

I don't know. I don't push anyone to go farther; I'm just so glad we help each other and care about each other. That's pretty good for a whole end-of-the-block in this midwestern city.

[SKL]

As far as helping each other, I think there's no hesitation.  I've helped our next-door neighbor deal with a couple things even though I don't remember his name.  Another time I was down the road trying to figure out how to get my bike rack to stay on my car.  An elderly guy came outside to help.  Don't know his name either.  I just thanked him.

 

The next-door neighbor's son asked me to watch the house while his mom was in the hospital.  And when a worker guy ran over someone's mailbox, I went out there to make sure his company was going to fix it.  I know the neighbors watch and say hi to my kids as they go up and down the street.

 

And the guy across and down the street came over to complain to me about my worker guy blocking his driveway or whatever.  :P  So it's not like nobody talks to anyone or looks out for anyone.  But I wouldn't say we had any kind of relationship going on.  :P

[creekland]

All my neighbors are related to my dh.   :crying:  :crying:  :crying: So, yes, we are very, very acquainted.  Did I mention VERY?    

 

This made me chuckle since we just watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 a couple of nights ago.  I had visions of the movie while reading your post!

[kewb]

Growing up in NY my parents were friends with our neighbors. Not travel together friends but social. Dinners together etc.

 

As an adult I live in a similar neighborhood to the one I grew up in but we are definitely not friends with our neighbors. We are neighborly. Help each other out during a blizzard, alert you to a strange car kind of neighbors but we don't have dinner parties together. Nor would I want to.

 

We were friendlier with our neighbors when we first moved here but as the kids got older it was obvious we had nothing on common with our neighbors.

Edited August 27, 2016 by kewb

[Guest]

The times, they are a'changin'.

 

I know the older neighbors, pretty much anyone over 55. Rural, but the new folks are all city people. The newer neighbors wont speak to the older ones. My next door neighbor and I are good friends...they retired and moved to Florida, and we are still visiting. The mom that bought the home will only speak to dh. Her sons are the same age as my sons, but they wont speak to us...I was garden sitting for the neighbor on the other side of them one day when one of them came home, shot across my driveway to park on his lawn, and wanted to know how I was acquainted with the neighbor, as I was watering the garden. My other neighbors appear not to be legal. They dont talk to anyone, wont respond to anything. The two families before them were acquaintances. People across the road are illegally renting out rooms, so they dont talk to anyone..I babysat for the folks that used to live there. The area is being bought up by religious groups, so I expect to be encouraged to move on, based on the experiences of people who used to live in the last town that was bought up.

[klmama]

Growing up, we were friendly with the neighbors, but I wouldn't say we were close friends. We'd watch their houses and pets if they traveled, and they'd watch ours, but we didn't socialize together.  That was in a small town.  Our friends lived all over the town, just not within a few houses distance.

 

Where we live now, we are friendly with the neighbors, but not close friends. We all watch each others' houses and take out pets, but we don't socialize together.  We live in a city.

 

 

[SporkUK]

Small city. I would say the people on our part of the road are acquaintances - we know and like each other well enough to take in each others parcels [or maybe too British to say no] and knock on each others doors if there is a problem particularly with the kids or something but we don't actively go out of our way to see each other nor do I think anyone knows anyone's names just door numbers. 

 

We also have a takeaway on our block and a corner shop and we're acquaintances with them as well - we talk when needed, takeaway drivers stopped smoking when they hung out by our garden walls when we asked, the corner shop people are both kind and will tell us if there is something they think we need to know, and they and the industrial rent shop across the road were all very helpful with CCTV footage and such when there was an issue on the street.  

 

Friendly but not chatty area, I guess. I have no idea nor do I really want to know what they think of me - I think we've all heard each other at our worst living in terrace houses...

 

I never remember being friendly with any of the neighbours we had growing up in a wide range of areas. My partner's parents seem to be close friends with most of their neighbours -- and gossip about the others. 

Edited August 27, 2016 by SporkUK

[Spryte]

No VA, suburb of major city. We live in a cul de sac, most families have kids. We are friends with all the kids, and I would call most of the adults more than acquaintances. 3 houses - real friends, we see each other regularly, do dinners and drinks and s'mores - maybe every two weeks. 2 houses, without kids, acquaintances only - we wave. 4 houses more than acquaintances, we get together and cook out every 6 mos or so. 1 house - we've never met the adults, kids live with unfriendly grandparents.

[regentrude]

Small town in Midwest.

I know my neighbors (two houses up and two houses down the street, and the people across); we chat when we see each other out and are friendly, but we are not friends.

Except for one neighbor. Our kids played together when they were little, we help each other out with cat feeding/taking mail out of mailbox, occasionally visit at the house.

 

 

[MEmama]

Oh and we know a number of people in the neighborhood and chat with them frequently when we are out walking. When DS was younger he knew he could go to any house for help and it would be safe. We live in the type of neighborhood where people are outside all the time--running, biking, walking their dogs, gardening--so I feel like in general there are eyes on things and people generally know each other, even if we've never spoken. Maybe that's why I don't feel like I need to be close friends with whoever lives next door; it's a friendly neighborhood and that in of itself provides a quiet support.

[Junie]

Growing up, I lived in a tiny subdivision.  We knew all of our immediate neighbors and my sister and I played in several of the nearby houses with our friends.

 

When I was in high school, we moved to a house that was not in a subdivision.  We didn't know our neighbors at all.  One day my sister and I were locked out of the house.  There was a bomb threat at the high school and we were sent home without a chance to gather our belongings.  We went to the next-door neighbor's house to use the phone.  They didn't believe us when we said that we lived next door.  They dialed our grandmother's phone number for us and brought the (corded  :lol: ) receiver out to the front porch.

 

Now, we are acquaintances with the people on our cul-de-sac.  Some of them we know better than others.

[Grover]

The ones immediately next door (that we share a driveway with) are acquaintances - we say hi and chat when we're both outside.  I don't know any of the others.  I thought that might change when the kids went to school briefly as I know a few in the street (and a couple we share boundaries with) go to the school, but no... and certainly not since we pulled out again, lol!

[HomeAgain]

Acquaintances here.  I don't really know most of my neighbors.  However, our neighborhood is linked up with Nextdoor.com, so we all talk and pass information to each other, we just never see each other. :laugh:

[ScoutTN]

We have a couple of neighbors with whom we are friends and several (5-6) who are acquaintances. We have had neighbors who were real friends, but they moved away and we have not had a neighbor friendship like that since. I know most of the people on my street and some in the general neighborhood visually. Dog walkers, mostly! My kids do not have any friends their own age in on our street. My son had a good friend two houses away who moved last spring. Many people on my street are home in the daytime or work unusual hours, so there are people around during the day and that is nice.

 

We've been here 11 years and will likely never move. But the houses are small and upwardly mobile young families come and go. 

[bettyandbob]

We are in a densely populated high COL suburb. We live in a townhouse community. Weve been in this house 19 years and in the neighborhood 24 years. I think you'd have to work hard not to meet neighbors and there are a few near me who do that.

 

We know who most of the neighbors are. We have informal block parties on Halloween and July 4. We work together to shovel out after big snows. We help each other in emergencies like when a pipe burst in my house and I had to move a lot of furniture quickly.

 

We are good friends with the next door neighbors. They are my youngest's godparents. We have them over socially. We have done Thanksgiving with them. We celebrate Festivus with them. I will be very sad when the man gets his wish and they retire across the country.

[Amy in NH]

Never met them, and we've been here 10 years. They're a mile away on a busy curvy highway - rural, so no sidewalks.

Edited August 28, 2016 by Amy in NH

[DawnM]

We live where everyone has a couple of acres.  We know them by name.  We wave.  

 

There is a group of women who go to lunch monthly.  I have gone 3 times in the last year so I did get to know them a bit.

 

I won't go anymore.  I have a full time job now and can no longer go, and it was more of a gossip session in many ways.  

[Lizzie in Ma]

Barely know our neighbors and we've lived here 19 years.

[The Girls' Mom]

This made me chuckle since we just watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 a couple of nights ago.  I had visions of the movie while reading your post!

 

And you wouldn't be entirely wrong in that assumption!  :lol:  :lol:

[mumto2]

Well I married the boy next door so.......

 

Now I live in a smallish rural village in England. We know and are friendly with pretty much all of the people who live nearby. Dh and I are pretty busy enjoying the last years with our kids at home. We stop and have a cup of tea and chat occasionally but not really time to entertain etc. It would be pretty easier to be far closer if we had more time. Otherwords plenty friendly. ;) We do have several close village friends that we socialize with just not right next door.

[whitestavern]

We live in a very small town on a somewhat busy street (for a rural town, anyway). One of our neighbors is an elderly couple that used to live in our house. We are close to them, always doing favors for each other, etc. We had them over for dinner last night :)  There are neighbors down the street that we have gotten to now and have eaten dinner at each other's homes, watch each other's pets when we're away, etc. The others are just acquaintances, either single middle aged or single elderly homeowners. We live in New England.