Halcyon Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 Hi all! It's' been a minute since I posted here!! Both boys have flown the coop: one just graduated from Bard and the other is a freshman at Columbia. And I'm....stuck all the way down in Florida. DH and I divorced 5 years ago and he quickly made his way back to NYS, where we are all originally from, but I have a small business here which made it harder to leave. But I've finally made the decision to leave Florida and go back to NYS. I was up there for my older's graduation and I realized, more deeply than before, how Florida is not the right place for me (I wont get into the reasons why) and I need to leave. Also, I want to be closer to my kids. Both will likely be staying in the Northeast and it's downright awful not being able to see them but 2 or 3 times a year. So. I met with a broker today who I really liked (she came super well-prepared, which I appreciated). I need to buy a house in NYS (Im thinking around Catskill and Hudson area) that is significantly less than what I'm going to sell THIS house for, because I need a financial cushion. Contrary to every practical and frugal bone in my body, I need to leave without a job in place. I do have some ideas (I've always run my own business, and am an acupuncturist, but it's time for me to change careers at the ripe old age of 54!). I will have about a year or year and a half of living expenses tucked away, IF I can sell this house for the price I'm hoping and IF I find a place I like up there. So many ifs! It's super scary to leave what is a reasonably stable financial situation for an unknown one, but for many reasons (mental health being one but I don't want to get into the details) I need to go back home. And I do consider NYS to be my home. I've never been happy here in FLorida, but having my kids at home ameliorated my sadness. They kept me busy and sane and now that they're gone and I'm alone in a place I don't love wherre don't have a lot of friends...it's just time. I know that, but I'm still scared. I am NOT good with unknowns but I am trying to rely on my faith first and foremost. THis will be the first time in decades I will be doing something solely for ME, and solely for my mental health, and I know God is leading me, and I need to trust in Him. Plus, there are more places of worship for my religion up there than there are here. Can anyone offer encouragement? Share something similar you've done? (I don't need any "I would NEVER do that" please---i find myself thinking these thoughts at least once a day so no need to say them to me). The idea of being within a couple hours of my kids makes me really happy (and them! they want me to be closer!) and the idea of seasons again thrills me (let's hope I feel the same next December LOL) I plan to move out by August/September assuming my timeline becomes reality. 44 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 Sounds like you're making a great decision. Crossing my fingers your house sells for a good price and you find a perfect new place! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 Well, we just moved last summer (ironically from NY lol) and it was the best decision we could have made. There were some toxic situations that we left behind. I literally felt my face muscles relax more each month. Dh is so much happier and dd is thriving. I haven’t made close friends yet but have lots of talking friends. I never really liked where we lived and made do for 15 years. I am just so much happier here. I wish it were where I grew up, but it’s a good place—a better place for us. Everything is easier. Anyway, I think you should go for it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 I can appreciate how the uncertainty makes it feel that much scarier but once you have done it, you’re gonna be sooo proud of yourself! I would want to be where my family is, too and I love seasons (even the cold ones!) and the natural beauty of NY. You can do it! You have a creative mind and you will be able to do it. (I just realized you wouldn’t know me by this name on here, but rest assured, I remember you! And I remember when you remade your garage into a homeschool room. I know you are a creative overcomer and will get it done! ) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 I would totally do this. Go for it! Go home! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 I don't have anything helpful to add, but I just wanted to tell you how happy I was to see your name pop up. WELCOME BACK!!!! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 Nice to hear from you! No advice, but I think it sounds like the right move. I would think that if you have to you can find temporary work even if it’s not what you want to do permanently to extend what sounds like a very reasonable cushion. Best wishes! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 Sounds like a very good plan! Best wishes on finding a good house and developing a new business! In your shoes, I would move to be closer to my kids in a heartbeat. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 It certainly sounds like the right thing to do for both you and your sons. I am far from some of my kids, and I look forward to the day when we can move closer. I have moved many times due to our particular job circumstances, and have (almost) always looked forward to the opportunity to start afresh and experience the adventures of the new place. Going back "home" sounds wonderful in your situation. There really doesn't seem to be a reason for you to stay in Florida. We are currently living in a place I don't love, so I understand that aspect. I wish you all the best! Keep us informed as to how things go, if you don't mind. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Sending good wishes, @Halcyon, as you begin to make changes. I hope that all will go smoothly for you. Regards, Kareni 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Sounds like a great plan. I fully support the buy something smaller/less expensive so you have a financial cushion. That piece of mind is worth so much. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 I totally get wanting to move from a place you don’t really like. We moved 10 years ago from a place we weren’t very happy to a place we love. We have zero regrets about that decision. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 1 Author Share Posted June 1 2 hours ago, Pawz4me said: Sounds like you're making a great decision. Crossing my fingers your house sells for a good price and you find a perfect new place! Thank you for your kind and supportive words. THey mean more than you know. I have never been able to prioritize my mental health like this before, because kids and family come first, but now I find myself asking myself for the first time in ages "What do YOU want?". 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 1 Author Share Posted June 1 2 hours ago, Ginevra said: I can appreciate how the uncertainty makes it feel that much scarier but once you have done it, you’re gonna be sooo proud of yourself! I would want to be where my family is, too and I love seasons (even the cold ones!) and the natural beauty of NY. You can do it! You have a creative mind and you will be able to do it. (I just realized you wouldn’t know me by this name on here, but rest assured, I remember you! And I remember when you remade your garage into a homeschool room. I know you are a creative overcomer and will get it done! ) OMG I can't believe you rremember that!!! that was ages ago it feels like. Thank you for your words! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 1 Author Share Posted June 1 1 hour ago, Catwoman said: I don't have anything helpful to add, but I just wanted to tell you how happy I was to see your name pop up. WELCOME BACK!!!! OMG HI!!! I cant believe anyone remembers me from here. How are you? How's your family?? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Halcyon! How good to see you here again! We're on the cusp of some major changes, also needing new direction. So, I just wanted to sympathize and wish you all the best! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 15 minutes ago, Halcyon said: OMG I can't believe you rremember that!!! that was ages ago it feels like. Thank you for your words! I remember it too! I think your plan is a good one. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 I think it's a great plan! These things always have a way of working out, one way or another. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 37 minutes ago, Halcyon said: OMG HI!!! I cant believe anyone remembers me from here. How are you? How's your family?? We're doing very well -- thanks for asking! 😃 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 1 hour ago, Halcyon said: OMG HI!!! I cant believe anyone remembers me from here. How are you? How's your family?? The Sisterhood (with occasional Brothers Thrown in) of WTM is THICK! 10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acadie Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Welcome back! Literally everything in your post, to me, suggests this would be a wonderful and most welcome move for you. I get the uncertainty around unknowns, but it really sounds like your heart's desire, with so many emotional and practical considerations pointing in the same direction. Cheering you on from here! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Hello! I remember you! I think it’s great youre Moving nearer to your kids at this time. I was telling my dh it’s on us to make it as easy as possible for our kids to care for us as we age. Part of that might include moving and it’s best to do that before you’re feeble and needing help so you can develop your own support system aside from your kids. Like making friends and having a church can help your kids because you have a wide net of support and not just them. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 It's good to hear from you. I did my scary thing a decade ago in the midst of the divorce. I started college. I'm still in school (studying for a PhD - that's still scary to me). It's hard to do things for yourself when you're not used to it. It is also so empowering. After the divorce (really complicated and starting from zero emotionally and financially), I kept a little 3 x 5 notebook and wrote down goals and projects. I kept track of the progress in that notebook, which I still have in my desk drawer. Breaking things down into incremental steps was so helpful. Along the way, I rediscovered the part of me that I had lost. When I was much younger, I wanted to move to a specific state that I adored even though I didn't know anyone and had no job. For a host of reasons, including it was the pre-internet days, I didn't do it. I've always regretted it. It's not the right choice now but 20 year old me would have had a great time. Please enjoy your adventure going home. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Welcome back! I would move to be closer to my kids too. Family is what brings happiness and joy for me so that would make it work the other challenges. It sounds like you have a good plan with having a financial cushion to start with while you find your feet. And being close to people who share your faith is so nice. Best wishes 🙂 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 I think you have made a wonderful decision! It is nerve wracking and hard, but your current situation ( barely seeing your kids, etc) is my idea of misery. I am sure that in the end, all will work out. Congrats! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Great to see you here! Of course I remember you, your boys, and your blog. I would absolutely move to be closer to Dd should she move away. It’s scary and uncertain because it’s a big move, but everything you wrote points in the right direction for you. I hope you continue to update us as it’s been quite some time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Hi! It's great to hear from you! I was just wondering how you were doing not too long ago and hoped everything turned out well for you with your business. If I recall correctly, you were moving into a new space - something to do with a soured relationship with either a business partner or landlord or something. The details are fuzzy for me now. This next move sounds like a great plan for you. I'm a seasons girl myself who had to live in the south for several years, so I get that part 100%. Sending good vibes for fantastic selling & buying prices for a smooth and easy transition for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 I have done it, but it was when I was much younger and single. I moved from Seattle to Los Angeles. I had no job and nowhere to stay. I just drove. I did a few jobs that were not my career for the first year while I got on my feet. I rented a room from an older lady. It was an adventure. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eos Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 (edited) Great plan! What an exciting new chapter. You have the real advantage of being a long-time entrepreneur, you will make it work, and you may even find a new side project to wrap in, too. Congratulations on making the decision! 54 is the perfect combination of energetic and creative enough to forge a new path, mature and stable enough to follow through. Edited June 1 by Eos 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 I remember you! And I just started popping in again, too. About 5 1/2 years ago I moved to Jersusalem with my husband. A bold move for us brought us both closer, and highlighted places we needed to work on. I think you have a good plan, and are very wise to prioritize your health. We also lived in FL for a number of years, 3 different times. Not my fave place. NYS is gorgeous. And yeah, stay close to your faith. 🙂 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy2BaMom Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Go. From your description, the only thing that is holding you back is fear, and fear is rarely the right counsel to make primary. Use fear as a guide to mitigate risks ahead of time (which it sounds like you are doing) but, if you are feeling pulled/guided to go, GO. We did recent multi-state moves (with two teens, two dogs, and two horses) twice in four years, first from West Coast to Midwest, then Midwest to NE. Ds was a rising junior for first move and (just) graduated for second move, dd was hsed for first and rising junior for second. Even with those 'complications', the moves were the best thing for all of us, even with some of the inevitable bumps in the road that happen (& they do) with pulling up stakes and making 4-digit-mileage moves. I'd also encourage you to put your house on the market as soon as you can, even if you have to apartment-it for awhile. This hurricane season is supposed to be a doozy, and you don't want to have your exit plans interrupted due to misplaced storms. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 I remember you too @Halcyon. I've made several big moves without a job at the end but with a small cash cushion. I sometimes had to take a less-than-ideal job at first, but it worked out in the end. Best of luck! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 I remember you too, @Halcyon. I think as we age, it really is best if we can live nearer our children. I know several couples who have done that at our church. Good luck. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 On 5/31/2024 at 10:19 PM, Ginevra said: The Sisterhood (with occasional Brothers Thrown in) of WTM is THICK! LOL it really is. I feel like I havent even left. Love this forum so much. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 On 6/2/2024 at 3:13 AM, Laura Corin said: I remember you too @Halcyon. I've made several big moves without a job at the end but with a small cash cushion. I sometimes had to take a less-than-ideal job at first, but it worked out in the end. Best of luck! Hi Laura! Nice to see you again. Yes, more than happy to do whatever to slow the impact on my financial cushion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 On 6/1/2024 at 4:59 PM, Happy2BaMom said: Go. From your description, the only thing that is holding you back is fear, and fear is rarely the right counsel to make primary. Use fear as a guide to mitigate risks ahead of time (which it sounds like you are doing) but, if you are feeling pulled/guided to go, GO. We did recent multi-state moves (with two teens, two dogs, and two horses) twice in four years, first from West Coast to Midwest, then Midwest to NE. Ds was a rising junior for first move and (just) graduated for second move, dd was hsed for first and rising junior for second. Even with those 'complications', the moves were the best thing for all of us, even with some of the inevitable bumps in the road that happen (& they do) with pulling up stakes and making 4-digit-mileage moves. I'd also encourage you to put your house on the market as soon as you can, even if you have to apartment-it for awhile. This hurricane season is supposed to be a doozy, and you don't want to have your exit plans interrupted due to misplaced storms. Good advice. Yes, hurricanes and home insurance costs here in Fl are one of the reasons I am leaving the state. Saying a little prayer that no storms interrupt my sale plans. Not sure any apartments are available where I'm going, esp with 2 dogs and 2 cats, which is one of my issues-- finding a home quickly yet not just buying something because I need somewhere to live. thank you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 On 6/1/2024 at 3:31 AM, fraidycat said: Hi! It's great to hear from you! I was just wondering how you were doing not too long ago and hoped everything turned out well for you with your business. If I recall correctly, you were moving into a new space - something to do with a soured relationship with either a business partner or landlord or something. The details are fuzzy for me now. This next move sounds like a great plan for you. I'm a seasons girl myself who had to live in the south for several years, so I get that part 100%. Sending good vibes for fantastic selling & buying prices for a smooth and easy transition for you. hey my friend! Yes, I moved to a new location after a soured relationship with a business partner and if you can believe it that was 14 years ago!! Good memory you have!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 (edited) On 6/1/2024 at 2:06 AM, crazyforlatin said: Great to see you here! Of course I remember you, your boys, and your blog. I would absolutely move to be closer to Dd should she move away. It’s scary and uncertain because it’s a big move, but everything you wrote points in the right direction for you. I hope you continue to update us as it’s been quite some time. Ha! my blog is still up, minus the picture, which were hosted on some long defunct server. rowingdownstream.wordpress.com is the URL...internet artifacts are weird! Edited June 4 by Halcyon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 On 6/1/2024 at 12:57 AM, Janeway said: I think you have made a wonderful decision! It is nerve wracking and hard, but your current situation ( barely seeing your kids, etc) is my idea of misery. I am sure that in the end, all will work out. Congrats! I see them twice or maybe three times a year if i'm lucky. it's awful, especially since ex-DH gets to see them whenever as he lives in Manhttan. Me, jealous?? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 I used to live in the Catskills (and am familiar with Hudson) and I’m so happy for you (and jealous). I have to leave NY for CA and am so sad. Anyway I don’t think you need to have a job lined up necessarily but I would look into general employment opportunities in the area (they exist, it’s just depends on what you’re thinking about commute, etc) . I used to commute to NYC from Sullivan county (!!) a couple times a week when back there but I know that’s not for everyone. It will be so nice to have the boys at weekend distance! I didn’t even let my son apply to west coast schools and here I am abandoning him east… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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