Tenaj Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 (edited) I just received a wedding invite for a family member's wedding. Enclosed was a color sample of acceptable shades to be worn by guests: black, dark gray and something between the two (off-black?). Cocktail dress is the request. Is this a thing? Last year I was directed to wear flowery pastel prints to a summer wedding. The wedding is being held in a creek bottom. This is an undeveloped piece of land by a small creek beside a field with a dirt road access. Muggy and buggy is what I keep thinking. So, when I go to this creek my normal attire is long pants, long sleeves and boots to avoid getting poison ivy. Maybe if I wear all black , that would work No reception, hors d'oerves by the creek and all guests are to promptly depart within 30 minutes of the end of the ceremony. My dh and I will probably send a gift instead of attend. Edited May 30 by Tenaj 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 haha, it's been a thing since one of the kardashians demanded everyone wear white or khaki years ago. But I agree, I'd send a gift and be done. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 Sounds awful. I’d skip it for sure. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 But it will be so tik-tok/insta worthy! Couples should know there is a very easy way to make all your guests look alike without being rude and making demands of people. Have some photos printed in black and white. This trend of not hosting a party for your guests to celebrate and enjoy but creating an "aesthetic event" has got to go. So very rude. I would definitely just send a gift and politely decline if possible. 23 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 This sounds like an excellent way for them to reduce their guests to the very small number of people who love them enough to jump through such impractical hoops. I guess it's basic boundaries: Hosts can freely ask whatever they want of the people who are invited to a private event. Invitees can freely decide whether or not they would like to attend an event with the specified requests. Honestly adhering to culturally defined good manners and general expectations around social events make for much happier outcomes... but when things like this invitation aren't within those bounds, there are other 'rules' to apply. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 Hum. How rude to tell folks what colors to wear. I would not be attending. And I might not send a gift either. But I don't feel like I have to send a gift if I am invited to a wedding. Family member though- I might send a small something to keep the peace. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 Definitely a common thing for me lately, but it’s usually an invite accompanied by the wedding palette, not strict instructions. The “promptly depart” thing is what would make me not attend, though. What good is a wedding without being able to socialize?? 😂 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 (edited) Bless their hearts. eta: I'm not sure I'd feel safe eating hors d'oeuvres in a creek bottom . . . might be buggy. and boggy. Edited May 30 by gardenmom5 4 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinball Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 People request it for funerals and no one gets offended. id much rather do it for a wedding bc it’s happy… 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 7 minutes ago, pinball said: People request it for funerals and no one gets offended. id much rather do it for a wedding bc it’s happy… I've seen people request folks wear a specific color if it is the deceased favorite color - but they have been clear *if* you have any clothing of that color, don't go out and buy it. And it is usually in a church building or funeral home, so climate controlled (at least here) not creek side where I'm also told to vacate the premises by a specific time (so controlling). It is a way to show support for grieving family or honoring the dead, it isn't for photo ops. At least here, there is no pressure to wear that color - it's more of if you have this color, it would be nice to wear it. I don't see this as the same thing at all. For the wedding, the instruction to me is - if you come, wear this even if you have to purchase a new outfit, we don't care. The funeral request for a specific color (and it has always been general here - like purple so not lavender or any specific shade) has always been framed as 'if you have this, it would be nice". 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 6 minutes ago, pinball said: People request it for funerals and no one gets offended. id much rather do it for a wedding bc it’s happy… I'm not sure how "happy" a wedding in a creek bottom with no road access, a quick snack instead of a reception, and a prompt departure is really likely to be. I don't like to poop on people having a special day in their own way: but if these folks wanted mostly just to have a romantic moment for the ceremony in a secluded natural place: It might have been a better idea to plan that for themselves alone, an officiant, and a few of their nearest and dearest. It's very hard to blend what they appear to really want with the things most of their reasonable guests might be hoping to experience. Maybe they needed two separate events, or maybe they needed to let go of some of their ideas. But, realistically, a thing can't be a camp-out and a cocktail party at the same time, and it definitely can't be both of those things, and cheap, and brief too. (I admit that there might be some kind of extremely high-end professionals able to work very hard to make that vision into any kind of practical reality -- but that doesn't sound like what's happening here.) 13 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 Clearly this bride and groom are not members of my family, because in our family, it takes longer than 30 minutes just to say hello to everyone, and then it takes longer than another 30 minutes to say goodbye to everyone at the end. There is also the general assumption that there will be some time set aside for conversation between saying our hellos and goodbyes. I'm not even focused on the wardrobe requirement or the location. I'm too stuck on the whole, "promptly depart within 30 minutes" thing, because it is both rude and insane. Perhaps someone should politely ask what the penalty might be for remaining an 3 or 4 extra minutes to say goodbye to Aunt Rose and Uncle Bill... I'd be sending my regrets (but not really regretting it even one little bit! 😉) 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 It's fine for them to request and it's also fine for you to not attend. I would probably skip just because it hardly sounds like they actually want people there. I'm more put off by the 30 minutes and leave part than the dress code. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 Wedding guests may already be traveling and incurring those expenses clearing and rearranging their schedules to be there Buying a gift Dressing up, possibly buying appropriate clothing. No wedding guest should feel they have to buy clothing they aren't wiling to wear again. I would actually be ok with "Our colors are X, Y, and Z. You are welcome to join us in those colors as you are able." A literal provided palette of "wear this" like a demand is rude. Not everyone owns or likes every color. You want a dash of your color? Provide something at the door. Also, photo editing exists. The direction that everyone needs to "prompty depart" is really something here Is there no seating? Maybe everyone will want to leave sooner than that. 🤣 I am imagining 10 minute ceremony, 10 minute here is your cracker with cheese and fruit punch. 10 minutes for goodbyes. But like we always say, an invitation is not a summons. Too bad you're busy that day! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 All I can picture is a sudden massive rain with flash flooding. Wear a life jacket. Possibly one of those bright orange ones… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 30 minutes ago, bolt. said: But, realistically, a thing can't be a camp-out and a cocktail party at the same time, and it definitely can't be both of those things, and cheap, and brief too. (I admit that there might be some kind of extremely high-end professionals able to work very hard to make that vision into any kind of practical reality -- but that doesn't sound like what's happening here.) we have a good friend that was a river guide in college. 3 day or 5 day trips, raft during the day, sleep in tents by the river at night. they'd cook etc. everything not in a dry bag, will be wet and sandy. one east coast city woman - brought A COCKTAIL DRESS. . . (on a multiple day river trip). Her first few days were a real enlightening experience for her. She had a hard time with the food, the bugs, the dirt, etc. By the last night when a bug got on her food - she just gritted her teeth and dealt with it. 4 minutes ago, catz said: Wedding guests may already be traveling and incurring those expenses clearing and rearranging their schedules to be there Buying a gift Dressing up, possibly buying appropriate clothing. No wedding guest should feel they have to buy clothing they aren't wiling to wear again. It's one of the things that irked me about my family member's wedding last year. Destination - (at least I didn't have to buy plane tickets) for a place dh and I had previously decided we never needed to visit again. But the place meant something to her. I refused to buy a "wedding guest" dress - that I would probably never wear again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 2 hours ago, Tenaj said: promptly depart within 30 minutes of the end of the ceremony. That sounds like scrimping on the location rental fees. When my relatives host wedding dinners at hotel ballrooms, we usually have to get out of the ballroom by 11:30pm but we can continue our socializing at the hotel lobby. Luckily in our social circles, no one has specify what colors to wear. Sometimes they would just put a note in the invite that the bridal party would be wearing a particular color so anyone wearing similar colors would probably get mistaken as part of the bridal party. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wisdomandtreasures Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 How shallow. And... Black or grey? For late Spring/early Summer? For a wedding? Where you'll be eaten alive by mosquitoes? 🧐 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate-chip chooky Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 My guess is that they want guests gone so that they can do photos in twilight or with the sunset behind them or similar. Something with a limited timeframe. I don't go to many weddings, but I'd have no problem with a colour scheme. I imagine it would look really nice. I'm not sure why people think it is rude 🤔 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 (edited) I read this as …. We are getting married at this spot because it is important to us/is an interesting visual. If you want to be part of our art installation (aka wedding ceremony), you must dress xyz to fit the visual aesthetic. We don’t care how the guests feel. It’s 200% about us. 100% for each of them. They fortunately defined the guests limited commitment and defined clear boundaries . “because we don’t really want to socialize with you at our wedding, its an art installation not social event” You are invited either out of obligation, the correct visual parameters or might buy us a present. I would decline the art installation invitation and send a congratulations card. In the message I would say we would love to spend some time with them to celebrate when they are free. That is it. In liu of a gift…. Next time I had the chance, I would take them to dinner and celebrate the nuptials . Edited Edited May 31 by Tap 15 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 51 minutes ago, chocolate-chip chooky said: I don't go to many weddings, but I'd have no problem with a colour scheme. I imagine it would look really nice. I'm not sure why people think it is rude 🤔 I don’t have a problem with being given a colour scheme if the bridal couple would reimburse guests the cost of buying new clothes and shoes 🤦♀️ Maybe the bridal couple assumed every lady has a little black dress in their wardrobe. I actually bought a black sweater dress a few months ago for more formal occasions but would have to go shopping for a cocktail dress. I also do not own a pair of black shoes, my formal shoes are all dark blue or dark brown. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 How things have changed. I remember being taught what NOT to wear to a wedding: (1) Don't wear white; (2) Don't wear black; (3) Don't wear something that will look like you are part of the bridal party if you aren't--not as hard and fast of a rule, but if you were close enough to the bride to know what shade the bridesmaid's dresses were, you shouldn't wear the same color if you could avoid it. Now it sounds as if guests are told to do exactly what I was taught NOT to do. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 (edited) Weddings are getting ridiculous. People have forgotten the whole point of them - which was basically to get a license to live with someone. My nephew and partner are getting married. They have just sent out wedding invites with no children allowed but dogs welcome. The nephew's sister is deeply offended and won't attend without her few weeks old baby. My sister in law is thinking of bringing her 9 very large dogs Who invites dogs to a wedding !!!! Is this a thing? I am just glad the whole lot of them are on the other side of the world. Edited May 30 by Melissa in Australia 3 16 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 I would take a hard no to walk to a creek with no road or walkway and get out 30 minutes after ceremony. ANd no matter what, I would not be walking in that kind of envirnment with a black cocktail dress- with the way the weather has been in a lot of places and forecast to be this summer- it just sounds like a way to end up with mud or dust all over that dress. What type of shoes would someone wear with that kind of dress and that kind of environment? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 7 hours ago, bolt. said: This sounds like an excellent way for them to reduce their guests to the very small number of people who love them enough to jump through such impractical hoops. Except that some people who love them very much may have to decline because of their requirements. So if it's a test of "who loves us enough" it's a failure. A rule - maybe the number one rule? - for hosting is to take pains to make the guests comfortable. As was said upthread, it's performance art, not a social event. 10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 I am so glad now I have a child who wants to elope/go very casual when they get married. 😄 @Tenaj, that sounds so miserable. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation, I wish the happy couple a lifetime of more critically thought out decisions than how they choose to start. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted May 30 Author Share Posted May 30 7 hours ago, Ethel Mertz said: All I can picture is a sudden massive rain with flash flooding. Wear a life jacket. Possibly one of those bright orange ones… 🤣🤣🤣 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 7 hours ago, Ethel Mertz said: All I can picture is a sudden massive rain with flash flooding. Wear a life jacket. Possibly one of those bright orange ones… 🤣 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted May 30 Author Share Posted May 30 6 hours ago, Arcadia said: That sounds like scrimping on the location rental fees. When my relatives host wedding dinners at hotel ballrooms, we usually have to get out of the ballroom by 11:30pm but we can continue our socializing at the hotel lobby. No location rental involved, it's just a field and creek owned by a family member 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted May 30 Author Share Posted May 30 3 hours ago, TravelingChris said: What type of shoes would someone wear with that kind of dress and that kind of environment? One of my many questions! They invited my whole family including kids - my 14 yodd owns nothing black let alone something fancy and black. My boys own nothing that would qualify so at a minimum it would require two dresses with shoes and three teen guy suits?, sports jackets? And shoes. I think the only one who could pull it off cheaply is my dh because he already owns a black suit. Fortunately it's right at the beginning of two sports seasons. Schedules aren't out but I can keep my fingers crossed that there will be a game or tournament or something. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 6 hours ago, chocolate-chip chooky said: My guess is that they want guests gone so that they can do photos in twilight or with the sunset behind them or similar. Something with a limited timeframe. I don't go to many weddings, but I'd have no problem with a colour scheme. I imagine it would look really nice. I'm not sure why people think it is rude 🤔 It just seems rather hyper-controlling. Guests should be fine with normal guidelines and not need to be told which colors to wear. I wouldn’t say “rude” necessarily, but it seems like someone too focused on how it all *looks* than what the event actually means. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 Call me crazy, but if I were having a wedding in an undeveloped creek bottom I'm pretty sure I'd suggest people come comfy and casual. But that's just me. 7 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted May 30 Author Share Posted May 30 3 minutes ago, Ginevra said: I wouldn’t say “rude” necessarily, but it seems like someone too focused on how it all *looks* than what the event actually means. That's what I think. The bride is the sweetest person you would ever want to meet. I don't know her finance well but they seem to be very good for each other. It makes me sad that I may have to skip the wedding. She is my niece and family gatherings are fewer as the family ages and spreads out. I have a few months to decide. It just seems silly to spend so much on clothing, travel two hours and stay for one hour and then leave. There is a private dinner for immediate family directly after but we didn't receive an invite to that so we will turn around and drive back home. 2 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted May 30 Author Share Posted May 30 2 minutes ago, Pawz4me said: Call me crazy, but if I were having a wedding in an undeveloped creek bottom I'm pretty sure I'd suggest people come comfy and casual. But that's just me. I think that's why I was so shocked by the whole thing. I was picturing casual. Dessert "on a stick" was mentioned by someone at the wedding shower this past weekend so I was thinking s'mores. That would have been fun 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 I personally think it’s rude. After seeing your comment about the bride being a sweet person, I’m inclined to think maybe she isn’t rude but is just another example of a young person who has watched so much TikTok and instagram that this kind of thing doesn’t seem rude or odd to her at all??? She wouldn’t be the only one, that’s for sure. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 Let me guess what generation the couple is.....🤨 If we don't like the restrictions, we don't go. Wish them well and don't think twice about it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 1 hour ago, mmasc said: I personally think it’s rude. After seeing your comment about the bride being a sweet person, I’m inclined to think maybe she isn’t rude but is just another example of a young person who has watched so much TikTok and instagram that this kind of thing doesn’t seem rude or odd to her at all??? She wouldn’t be the only one, that’s for sure. A consequence of declining priority on developing & maintaining true friendships with others. Everything is “virtual” & what we know as social norms aren’t on the radar at all. It’s not that they don’t care about them, it’s that they don’t know they exist. It seems to be increasingly difficult to build relationships when life has taken on such a performative quality. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 And I have a question about weddings in general these days. Everything you hear says mothers of grooms and ESPECIALLY step moms of grooms are to have no opinion about anything unless directly asked. I am pretty sure this goes for parents of the bride as well. All of these young adults have very strict ideas about boundaries and don’t tell me what to do. So who does that leave to tell these young people their ideas are alienating big groups of friends and family? 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 9 hours ago, Ethel Mertz said: All I can picture is a sudden massive rain with flash flooding. Wear a life jacket. Possibly one of those bright orange ones… 🤣😱⛈️☔️🛶 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 3 minutes ago, Scarlett said: And I have a question about weddings in general these days. Everything you hear says mothers of grooms and ESPECIALLY step moms of grooms are to have no opinion about anything unless directly asked. I am pretty sure this goes for parents of the bride as well. All of these young adults have very strict ideas about boundaries and don’t tell me what to do. So who does that leave to tell these young people their ideas are alienating big groups of friends and family? I have second-hand knowledge of a Bridezilla behaving this way towards her future MIL, and the groom being passive and letting it happen. They are in their late 20’s. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 We went to truly lovely wedding and reception a couple weekends ago. So not all young people have lost their minds, have no social clues, or are utterly self-absorbed. 🤣😉😎 12 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinball Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 1 hour ago, Tenaj said: It makes me sad that I may have to skip the wedding. She is my niece and family gatherings are fewer as the family ages and spreads out. I have a few months to decide. My relationship with my younger generation relatives is important enough that spending a few hours traveling and wearing a particular color & style for their weddings would not be an obstacle. It’s her wedding. You said she’s a sweet girl. Unless there are serious reasons not to go (illness, death, disabled to the point the destination isn’t accessible) I’d go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livetoread Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 If you like her, I'd go. I would make an effort to follow the color scheme short of spending money I don't want/have to spend. Maybe some of your family will be in colors that don't fit, oh well. FWIW, I went to a family wedding awhile ago where there were requests for certain attire. Lots of people didn't follow it, though I grudgingly had. If you think your niece is someone who would rather you be there no matter how you are dressed, then do your best and go. If you think she's someone for whom the aesthetic will outweigh family, then send a gift and regards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 So what would happen is someone showed up in pink? Would they be asked to leave? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 (edited) 39 minutes ago, Scarlett said: And I have a question about weddings in general these days. Everything you hear says mothers of grooms and ESPECIALLY step moms of grooms are to have no opinion about anything unless directly asked. I am pretty sure this goes for parents of the bride as well. All of these young adults have very strict ideas about boundaries and don’t tell me what to do. So who does that leave to tell these young people their ideas are alienating big groups of friends and family? They're likely getting their ideas from social media and friends of their own generation, and figuring they're doing fine with that. It's like new homeschoolers not wanting advice from veterans. Or my reaction to my MIL telling me to get that baby off the bre@st and on the bottle at 8 weeks. Things change; young people don't want advice from old people. But... aren't people supposed to wait to be asked before giving their opinions? I have not offered unsolicited opinion/advice on anything to my kids once they became adults. I don't have any weddings in the foreseeable future, but if one comes up, I don't expect to offer opinions about their plans unless they ask. I think/hope they will ask. Come to think of it, my mother never offered me advice either unless asked. And I just thought about how my shoulders tense up when I hear my husband offering me unsolicited advice! Edited May 30 by marbel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 2 hours ago, Tenaj said: It just seems silly to spend so much on clothing, travel two hours and stay for one hour and then leave. There is a private dinner for immediate family directly after but we didn't receive an invite to that so we will turn around and drive back home. 2 hours of driving and taking young people would probably mean we’d also need to stop and eat a meal as well. Wow. That to me is treating relatives as props for your event I like to imagine I’d be telling my young adults we’d be taking the aunties and families out for dinner after the creek art installation (lol love that description) if this was their plan. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 2 hours ago, Tenaj said: I think that's why I was so shocked by the whole thing. I was picturing casual. Dessert "on a stick" was mentioned by someone at the wedding shower this past weekend so I was thinking s'mores. That would have been fun 🙂 fruit kabobs. s'mores are so freaking messy . . . 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 (edited) So it sounds these are the barriers to your attending: 1. Clothing - you would have to purchase two dresses (you and your daughter), at least two formal-ish black/dark grey outfits for your sons, shoes for all four of you. Hopefully that you guys would be able to wear other places/longer, but iffy depending upon age/growth spurts of kids. I'm estimating $500 minimum. I am assuming new here with $75/outfit + $50/shoes. 2. Time - you have to drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back? And you get to be at the service/event for 1 hour? So at least a 5.5 hour commitment (because stopping for restroom break) but probably longer because I am going to assume that there won't be enough snacks (or you will have long enough to actually eat them) so that you will be hunger and have to stop for a meal. 3. As for socializing and reconnecting with family? You have less than one hour? Because the service takes some time, right? So maybe 40 minutes tops? No way would I spend $500+ and 5 hours to attend this event. It is not a family event. Someone else called it with the "art installation" comment. I like the idea of inviting newly married couple to meet you for dinner somewhere to celebrate after the event. BUT, I would be sure to tell them what colors to wear. And I would tell them to meet us at 5:45 and be prepared to leave at 7:10. Just because. ETA: and the colors I would tell them to wear would be neon green and/or hunter orange. Because who has outfits that color in the closet, so they would have to purchase new outfits to come to the meal. Of course, I wouldn't really do this time requirements or colors, but I would think about it and laugh about it. Edited May 30 by Bambam 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 36 minutes ago, pinball said: My relationship with my younger generation relatives is important enough that spending a few hours traveling and wearing a particular color & style for their weddings would not be an obstacle. It’s her wedding. You said she’s a sweet girl. Unless there are serious reasons not to go (illness, death, disabled to the point the destination isn’t accessible) I’d go. I'm thinking that if this is a niece and she's a sweet girl, is it possible that maybe something got lost in the translation when they wrote those invitations? Given that everyone in the family seems to be invited, could it be that the bride and groom were actually trying their best to include everyone but were on a very low budget so they couldn't afford a reception for everyone, so they ended up with this particular plan? If I were Janet, I might call the bride (or her mom, if her mom is involved in the planning) and try to clarify things -- and also to explain why she and her family might not be able to attend. I'm sure Janet is not the only one who is hesitant to attend, given the very strict parameters and rules of the whole (very short) event. I'm not sure if the bride is Janet's niece on her side or her husband's side of the family, but I would think a call to the sibling who is the bride's parent wouldn't be out of line here, especially if Janet isn't particularly close to her niece and might feel awkward calling her directly. At first, I was thinking this wasn't such a close relative, but now that I know the bride is a niece, I would definitely want to talk to my sibling (or my dh's sibling) and get more info. Also, if the bride is a very sweet person, I wouldn't want to intentionally hurt her feelings by simply declining the invitation without explanation -- especially because a lot of other people might be declining as well and the bride might not understand why it's happening. 6 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 2 hours ago, Tenaj said: That's what I think. The bride is the sweetest person you would ever want to meet. I don't know her finance well but they seem to be very good for each other. It makes me sad that I may have to skip the wedding. She is my niece and family gatherings are fewer as the family ages and spreads out. I have a few months to decide. It just seems silly to spend so much on clothing, travel two hours and stay for one hour and then leave. There is a private dinner for immediate family directly after but we didn't receive an invite to that so we will turn around and drive back home. If you decide to go, is there any way you can arrange with some of your other family members to meet at a restaurant for dinner after the ceremony? At least that way, you'd get a chance to visit with people and maybe make it worth your while to go to the extra trouble for your niece. I'm sorry you're stuck dealing with this. It's so awkward! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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