Which would you be ok giving up?

[DawnM]

We have to lower our expectations a bit for a house, or compromise at least.

Here is our criteria:

9 ft. ceilings

5 bedrooms (or 5 rooms that could be used as a bedroom)

dining room, den, living room (not all homes have all that we have viewed so far)

pool (we will put one in if there isn't one, so maybe this shouldn't be on the list?)

2 acres min.

No HOA

Updated OR priced low enough to update

What we are finding:

Since we are looking for no HOA and land, we are looking at older homes.   All the available land has now been bought and made into tract homes, so it is hard to find a newer home on land.   

Older homes have 8' ceilings and it feels cramped to me.   Our current home has 10' on the main floor and 9' on the upper floors.   I don't need 10' but 9' seems to be the nice spot.   I am trying to decide if I am ok with that.

I guess looking at the list,  we can add everything but the acreage and the ceiling height.

 

[regentrude]

I'd give up the pool in a heartbeat.

[lmrich]

pool 

dining room - if there is enough space for a big table somewhere else. 

[Pawz4me]

A pool has always been an absolute deal breaker for us. What is it real estate agents call them--luxury eyesores or something similar? Don't want one, ever.

A dining room is wasted space for us unless it can be repurposed (office, etc.)

Two acres is a lot of land to care for. I'm wondering if either of you have any experience with what that's like so that you know for sure you want it, or is it more an idealistic type thing? Even wooded areas require tending, and occasional (expensive) tree removal. 

Edited June 28, 2023 by Pawz4me

[TexasProud]

Dawn,

What would be the purpose in having both a den and a living room?
 

[Drama Llama]

We don't have any of those, other than a living room, so I guess the question is what I'd get first?  I would love to have a table that isn't kinda crammed in the kitchen, so I'll go with that.  And enough bedrooms for the kids at home to have their own (that would be 3 for me).  

The importance of the pool depends on what options are nearby.  We have several pool options that fit different needs, if I was more rural I might love one.  

[TexasProud]

Oh, and for me that is super easy.  The pool hands down.  I refused to EVERY have a house with a pool, both for safety reasons and because my parents had a hot tub in one of our houses and I saw the upkeep it took. I have friends and see the upkeep it takes.  NO WAY.  If I truly want to swim, I go to a friend's house or the city pool.  That said, you know if you would use it and are used to upkeep.  But a pool AND land would require a lot of time. 

[QueenCat]

Probably ceiling height... 

[math teacher]

I could for sure give up a pool. I've never had a dining room or den, but I only had one kid, so there's that. I grew up in a house with 7 foot ceilings throughout, so 8 foot or more is ok with me. It would be easier to cool/heat right?

[JustEm]

Ceiling height and 5 bedrooms 

[Kassia]

9 ft. ceilings and pool are easiest

We don't use our dining room or living room, so those would be next to go.

 

 

[marbel]

1. Pool

2. Ceiling height

3. So much land. What do you plan for 2 acres that you couldn't have with one? (You don't have to answer of course) 

[TheReader]

I think, from following your various threads on this, the first step is - are you *really* ready to downsize? Because you keep saying that, and that it's needed for financial reasons/future financial reasons, but your list doesn't seem to agree. 

So, I'd take the pool off the list. 

I'd be okay with 8 ft ceilings, since that's what actually exists in your area. 

I'd decrease the number of bedrooms -- I know that you need space for all the people, but with the goal being to build a garage apt for your one son, could some folks share in the meantime? Could you manage with 4 bedrooms, for the short term, since you are planning to add space later? Can you add trundle beds under regular beds, if the rooms aren't so big? 

Dining/living/den -- Look, I get it. That's exactly what sold us on our current house -- so many spaces for so many things. Eating space. Separate TV spaces for teens/kids and grownups. Bliss. But, *since you are downsizing*, can you think creatively about space? Do you need a dining room if the house has an eat-in kitchen area (as many older homes do, at least around here)? 

Can you find a way to share the living room/hang out space between all the family? Maybe the teens/young adults are ready to move their game systems into their bedrooms (for ex; I have no actual idea what your kiddos all do). Maybe the family can share the space with some kind of schedule that let's everyone have their thing some of the time. Maybe the grown-ups put a TV in their bedroom (or put one in the little guy's room, for him watching kid shows while the family watches scary movies, or whatever other solution might be possible). 

Acres -- we would LOVE acreage. But, around here it's either all bought up for subdivisions, OR it's farm land and so it's $$$. Are the 2 acres truly necessary?  Would a newer home, in a non-HOA area, that maybe has more of the other requirements but not 2 whole acres....would that work instead? 

I don't envy you; it's a hard/difficult move y'all are making. 

[Katy]

2 acres. As long as there isn’t a covenant or local law preventing guest houses, it isn’t necessary. 

[Clemsondana]

I would give up anything that could be added or repurposed.  So, keep the 2 acres and no HOA.  I second the fact that taking care of 2 acres is a lot of work - we live  on 3.5 acres and love it, but it's definitely a lifestyle choice.  I'd imagine that you'd get used to lower ceilings, but it's also something that would be hard to change later so you'll have to make a decision about that.  But the other things are just room usage choices that could be changed.  You could buy a very small house if the acerage and location is right and then add on the desired rooms.  There are a couple of houses near us that have major additions on previously tiny houses and involved adding a second story or an entire wing.  We don't have both a living room and den, but there is an open area upstairs that could be used to hang out.  A bonus room could be added.  If you find a location that you like at a good price, an architect can imagine all sorts of things that are hard to see for people who don't remodel on a regular basis.  

I'll also add that we've seen several people decide to 'downsize' and then find that nothing is big enough.  They don't seem ready to downsize.  I'm watching my parents do this now - they want to downsize, but also still have a large basement, separate dining room, etc...basically they're willing to give up the formal living room.  It's not worth moving just to give up one room.  

Edited June 28, 2023 by Clemsondana

[DawnM]

37 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

A pool has always been an absolute deal breaker for us. What is it real estate agents call them--luxury eyesores or something similar? Don't want one, ever.

A dining room is wasted space for us unless it can be repurposed (office, etc.)

Two acres is a lot of land to care for. I'm wondering if either of you have any experience with what that's like so that you know for sure you want it, or is it more an idealistic type thing? Even wooded areas require tending, and occasional (expensive) tree removal. 

Yes, we had 2.5 acres previously and honestly our last house had far more mowable space.   Almost all the homes we have looked at on 2 acres are mostly wooded.

DH also grew up on 5 acres, where his mom still lives.   He mowed it a lot.   

DH loves, loves, loves land.   I am not a huge fan, but I do enjoy the privacy if he does the outdoor work.

36 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Dawn,

What would be the purpose in having both a den and a living room?
 

One can be the "hang out cozy" room and one can be more formal for adults who visit.   A room that isn't used a whole lot but allows for us to keep it ready at all times.   But you are right, not 100% necessary.

28 minutes ago, QueenCat said:

Probably ceiling height... 

Interesting.   That seems to be *my* main hangup.

4 minutes ago, TheReader said:

I think, from following your various threads on this, the first step is - are you *really* ready to downsize? Because you keep saying that, and that it's needed for financial reasons/future financial reasons, but your list doesn't seem to agree. 

So, I'd take the pool off the list. 

I'd be okay with 8 ft ceilings, since that's what actually exists in your area. 

I'd decrease the number of bedrooms -- I know that you need space for all the people, but with the goal being to build a garage apt for your one son, could some folks share in the meantime? Could you manage with 4 bedrooms, for the short term, since you are planning to add space later? Can you add trundle beds under regular beds, if the rooms aren't so big? 

Dining/living/den -- Look, I get it. That's exactly what sold us on our current house -- so many spaces for so many things. Eating space. Separate TV spaces for teens/kids and grownups. Bliss. But, *since you are downsizing*, can you think creatively about space? Do you need a dining room if the house has an eat-in kitchen area (as many older homes do, at least around here)? 

Can you find a way to share the living room/hang out space between all the family? Maybe the teens/young adults are ready to move their game systems into their bedrooms (for ex; I have no actual idea what your kiddos all do). Maybe the family can share the space with some kind of schedule that let's everyone have their thing some of the time. Maybe the grown-ups put a TV in their bedroom (or put one in the little guy's room, for him watching kid shows while the family watches scary movies, or whatever other solution might be possible). 

Acres -- we would LOVE acreage. But, around here it's either all bought up for subdivisions, OR it's farm land and so it's $$$. Are the 2 acres truly necessary?  Would a newer home, in a non-HOA area, that maybe has more of the other requirements but not 2 whole acres....would that work instead? 

I don't envy you; it's a hard/difficult move y'all are making. 

Maybe we aren't ready to downsize mentally yet, I am trying to get there.   I think we are just floored at the prices and how much things have changed.   Trying to wrap our heads around the differences from 5 years ago.

3 minutes ago, Katy said:

2 acres. As long as there isn’t a covenant or local law preventing guest houses, it isn’t necessary. 

Yeah, I guess we set it as 2 acres as those are the only homes around here without HOAs.   The smallest plot of land I found that didn't have restrictions was 1.75 acres.   Anything smaller than that are subdivisions with HOAs.

[DawnM]

6 minutes ago, Clemsondana said:

I would give up anything that could be added or repurposed. 

That is a good way to look at it.

 

So, keep the 2 acres and no HOA.  I second the fact that taking care of 2 acres is a lot of work - we live  on 3.5 acres and love it, but it's definitely a lifestyle choice.  I'd imagine that you'd get used to lower ceilings, but it's also something that would be hard to change later so you'll have to make a decision about that.  But the other things are just room usage choices that could be changed.  You could buy a very small house if the acerage and location is right and then add on the desired rooms.  There are a couple of houses near us that have major additions on previously tiny houses and involved adding a second story or an entire wing.  We don't have both a living room and den, but there is an open area upstairs that could be used to hang out.  A bonus room could be added.  If you find a location that you like at a good price, an architect can imagine all sorts of things that are hard to see for people who don't remodel on a regular basis.  

I'll also add that we've seen several people decide to 'downsize' and then find that nothing is big enough.  They don't seem ready to downsize.  I'm watching my parents do this now - they want to downsize, but also still have a large basement, separate dining room, etc...basically they're willing to give up the formal living room.  It's not worth moving just to give up one room.  

Yeah, I do understand that.   I think I need to get more mentally ready to let go of a bunch of stuff.

DH wants a workshop/garage and we are 100% adding that to the budget.   We also will add a room above it, which may add the bonus area and an added bedroom.    That may solve the issues of additional space.   That just won't be right away.   For one thing the contractor is booked for a few months.   

 

[DawnM]

54 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

A pool has always been an absolute deal breaker for us. What is it real estate agents call them--luxury eyesores or something similar? Don't want one, ever.

A dining room is wasted space for us unless it can be repurposed (office, etc.)

Two acres is a lot of land to care for. I'm wondering if either of you have any experience with what that's like so that you know for sure you want it, or is it more an idealistic type thing? Even wooded areas require tending, and occasional (expensive) tree removal. 

I find pools calming, relaxing, and beautiful.   I love having a pool and we will have one either already there or added.   I have never heard that phrase "luxury eyesore" but will ask my real estate agent today.   Our neighbor is a top real estate salesperson in our greater area and he has a beautiful pool he added to his backyard.

Our realtor did tell us that pool homes get snatched up quickly and she herself had a beautiful pool put in last year, she showed me pictures.

Edited June 28, 2023 by DawnM

[regentrude]

11 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I have never heard that phrase "luxury eyesore" but will ask my real estate agent today.  

Lol. I believe the legal term is "attractive nuisance" ( Has to do with being legally liable for trespassing children.)

Edited June 28, 2023 by regentrude

[Annie G]

5 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I find pools calming, relaxing, and beautiful.   I love having a pool and we will have one either already there or added.   I have never heard that phrase "luxury eyesore" but will ask my real estate agent today.   Our neighbor is a top real estate salesperson in our greater area and he has a beautiful pool he added to his backyard.

I wonder if she meant ‘attractive nuisance’ which here in Georgia refers to things that are potentially dangerous to children, such as pools and trampolines. In some states (Georgia!) the law is written in a way that the homeowner is responsible for injury even if the kid is trespassing and not an invited guest. 
In your case, you’re used to having a pool so you already know how much you use it and what it means for your lifestyle. And with a little guy, yiu;re already well versed on how to keep the pool off limits. 

[Kidlit]

I think a pool is a polarizing thing. Haha.  It was the main selling point for our current home (for me, anyway).  I have always had relatives with pools that we could use almost literally anytime we wanted, but having one in my own backyard was a dream of mine.  Ours is used nearly daily from May through September.   
 

I will also say that I have a handyman husband and two boys who are not yet old enough to take on pool care but will be (not sexist--just they're the ones young enough to be home!), so that's not on my to-do list. 

[DawnM]

Just now, Annie G said:

I wonder if she meant ‘attractive nuisance’ which here in Georgia refers to things that are potentially dangerous to children, such as pools and trampolines. In some states (Georgia!) the law is written in a way that the homeowner is responsible for injury even if the kid is trespassing and not an invited guest. 
In your case, you’re used to having a pool so you already know how much you use it and what it means for your lifestyle. And with a little guy, yiu;re already well versed on how to keep the pool off limits. 

When the kids were little I wanted a pool.   When we moved to NC they were 7 and 9 and we bought a house with an above ground pool.   It wasn't too bad of an eyesore, it was one of the $10k ones and nicely landscaped around it, but I liked the above ground because we could just remove the ladder when we weren't using it and the kids couldn't get in.

So, when we moved to this house and it had a beautiful in ground gunite pool, I was so glad to get it, not have little kids anymore, and enjoyed it.

Then came the little one and CPS had us add several safety precautions.   

[Heartstrings]

38 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Maybe we aren't ready to downsize mentally yet, I am trying to get there.   I think we are just floored at the prices and how much things have changed.   Trying to wrap our heads around the differences from 5 years ago.

Is downsizing required now?  Prices are high and inventory is at record lows. Maybe waiting a few years would be better.   

[DawnM]

Just now, Heartstrings said:

Is downsizing required now?  Prices are high and inventory is at record lows. Maybe waiting a few years would be better.   

We can also get a lot for our current house, so waiting just means our current house goes down in value too.   And I really don't want A to have to change schools if it isn't necessary.   But we have discussed waiting a couple of years.   We will see.

[Lecka]

I honestly think you would get used to a lower ceiling height pretty quickly, unless you guys are really tall.  
 

Edit:  I mean, if you’re currently in 10 ft it makes sense you would notice, but I don’t think that would last.  

Edited June 28, 2023 by Lecka

[marbel]

I don't find wanting a den and living room to be redundant. Our current house has no separate hang-out place for tweens/teens/YA. (It is a split level, the worst house plan ever invented, and there is NO privacy anywhere except bedrooms.) It has been a real problem for my kids socializing - not because they need to be in a closed-off room, but it would be nice to have a place mom and dad are not constantly in and out of just during the course of the day. A place they can be a little noisy and not annoy the rest of the family. So I completely understand wanting more rooms that are not bedrooms. I really regret buying a house that did not have more separate hang-out space. (But we thought we'd only be living here 3 years, haha, it's been 15). 

[EKS]

9 ft. ceilings--I'd be willing to let this one go if the house was otherwise acceptable.  

5 bedrooms (or 5 rooms that could be used as a bedroom)--I can't remember what the composition of your family is, but if you have mostly young adults, those rooms will likely be used less and less until you will end up wondering why you got such a big house.

dining room, den, living room (not all homes have all that we have viewed so far)--I prefer not to have separate dining and living rooms.  A den could go either way--perhaps it could be used as a bedroom when needed?

pool (we will put one in if there isn't one, so maybe this shouldn't be on the list?)--I'd take it off the list just to broaden the search.

2 acres min.--I wouldn't compromise on this though you may want to reduce it to 1 acre just to see what's out there.

No HOA--I'd be willing to compromise on this.  If you like something in an area with an HOA, you can then see if their terms are tolerable.

Updated OR priced low enough to update--I wouldn't compromise on this.

[elegantlion]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

We have to lower our expectations a bit for a house, or compromise at least.

Here is our criteria:

9 ft. ceilings

5 bedrooms (or 5 rooms that could be used as a bedroom)

dining room, den, living room (not all homes have all that we have viewed so far)

pool (we will put one in if there isn't one, so maybe this shouldn't be on the list?)

2 acres min.

No HOA

Updated OR priced low enough to update

 

 

Aside from the pool, the 9ft ceilings would be my first compromise, then the land. If you need 5 bedrooms, you need 5. I also prefer a formal dining room and two living spaces - especially when kids are still at home. 

The no HOA and priced to update would be my top criteria to keep - with space to add the pool if that is also a non-negotiable for you. 

[Carrie12345]

Ceiling height is a funny thing. We did 9’ ceilings on the 1st floor and basement, and I worried I’d feel “smooshed” after living under vaulted ceilings. But I didn’t want to pay for 10’.

I do not feel smooshed, even upstairs where we have 8’ ceilings. The layout does a lot for that.

Then again, I went from 1100sf to 2400, not including basement, so how in the world could I feel smooshed?!?

Perspectives are funny and adaptable. 

[SKL]

I wouldn't want a pool, could do with 1 acre or less, and I think 8' ceilings are fine (though tbh I never measured mine).

I am not sure why you need 5 bedrooms and 3 "living area" rooms, but I understand wanting lots of space and privacy options.

[Bambam]

I too want higher ceilings. I feel cramped/claustrophobic in the shorter ceiling homes. I know I grew up in homes with shorter ceilings, but now I am used to my 10' ceilings.  I might adjust, I might not, but I'm not buying a home on the premise I might adjust. 

Dining room - We've never used ours as a dining room (school room, study, library, yes - but not dining room!), but we have had breakfast areas that were large enough for our table + all the leaves (seats 8, you may need more room). When we needed more table space for guests, we used one of those conference tables from Sam's + folding chairs. It was serviceable, but it was not fancy. No one complained. The food and companionship were still good. 

I don't see many here with 5 bedrooms regularly. Do you have four kids still at home? If they all were not living their currently, I'd probably scale down the number of bedrooms? Unless you need one for a work-from-home office? I think I'd be looking at 4+ bedrooms and see if there are any that I could make work. 

[CTVKath]

9 foot ceilings would be the first thing I'd give up. Then separate DR, LR and den.

We have 2 acres and no HOA and wouldn't trade it for anything. The 8 foot ceilings bother me sometimes. And having a LR/DR combo frustrates me although we do have a small separate den. I do get envious sometimes when I go inside my friends' houses with their 9 or 10 foot ceilings and all the separate rooms but then I walk outside and see their yards and I am reminded. I'd rather have 2 acres and no HOA. 

We have a pool and enjoy it. I never thought I wanted a pool until we had one and we had kids and experienced the ease of getting in the pool anytime the mood strikes even multiple times a day. But if there were a neighborhood pool or community pool close by, I might give that up. Might.

2 acres and no HOA would be my non-negotiables from your list.

[Lecka]

For the HOA, my husband is a big no to anything costing money.

 

I would be fine with a HOA that had a fee for caring for some outdoors areas.

 

But I wouldn’t be okay with one where they tell you what you can do on your land.  
 

There are some HOAs that aren’t like that.

 

But if I were in the country with no code enforcement from a city, I would be open to a HOA with that level of restriction.

 

Where I live there is no avenue for code enforcement of animal hoarders living outside of code enforcement areas unless it gets to a way worse point than it could get within limits.  
 

But really there are HOAs here that charge $300/year to mow and put in flowers, and that is *all they do.*

[Drama Llama]

23 minutes ago, marbel said:

I don't find wanting a den and living room to be redundant. Our current house has no separate hang-out place for tweens/teens/YA. (It is a split level, the worst house plan ever invented, and there is NO privacy anywhere except bedrooms.) It has been a real problem for my kids socializing - not because they need to be in a closed-off room, but it would be nice to have a place mom and dad are not constantly in and out of just during the course of the day. A place they can be a little noisy and not annoy the rest of the family. So I completely understand wanting more rooms that are not bedrooms. I really regret buying a house that did not have more separate hang-out space. (But we thought we'd only be living here 3 years, haha, it's been 15). 

I agree about having multiple hang out spaces.  We have one space, and since I prefer both no screens in bedrooms and no girlfriends in bedrooms, this leads to competition for living room space and particularly living room sound, since the kid with the girlfriend wants to make music or talk quietly, and his brother wants to watch the hockey or soccer game and yell at the screen. 
 

I think both kids would choose to keep sharing a bedroom if it meant two living spaces.

[Pawz4me]

Thanks to @regentrude and others who pointed out the term "attractive nuisance" for pools. I knew there was an apt term for it, and that what I said likely wasn't right, but I couldn't remember what it was.

[Lecka]

I would also inquire about code enforcement too, because if there is no code enforcement — here people can have as many loose dogs as they want and pile up trash.  And it’s expensive to haul away big trash, so people will put trash in an out-of-the-way corner of the property, but it could be more visible to a neighbor.  
 

The animal boarding situation I heard about nearby…. We heard about it from the rescue where we got our puppy.  They said a woman had 80 dogs and cats, and she was feeding them and giving them water, but it was not a good situation.  But it wasn’t animal abuse.  People knew about the situation deteriorating for 3 years and then the woman was taken by some kind of elder services because she was too sick and living in a dilapidated house and things like that.  But they had to wait until it crossed a far line.  The people from the animal rescue said she was a nice woman and people would go talk to her but she didn’t see a problem.  But the animals were really poorly socialized and had a lot of problems.  
 

Edit:  it might be that there is already going to be code enforcement at a basic level where you are looking anyway, then it would be a non-issue.

 

Oh, there’s also things like bringing in trailers.  This is one where a lot of people don’t care and some people do.  
 

There’s also things like construction equipment where a lot of people don’t care and some people do.

 

But these are things that would just be code enforcement in town.  

 

 

Edited June 28, 2023 by Lecka

[Innisfree]

I like the idea of buying a smaller house on land you like, then adding what you need. 

For our family, we’d avoid a pool for all the reasons others have mentioned. Having one on the property would probably mean we didn’t look at the house. But that’s not your situation.

We do like having separate living room, family room, and dining room. Years of *not* having them have solidified my desire to have them, lol. I want the space we live in constantly to be out of sight to people who stop by casually. Also, as a bunch of introverts, we just get along better with plenty of space to spread out.

Nine foot ceilings are nice, but if your furniture fits in rooms with 8’ ceilings, not a deal breaker. Still, if they’re really important to you, it’s true that you can’t easily change the height later.

Requiring a house to have five bedrooms when you buy it would be very limiting, I’d think. If you need that many, I’d be open to adding them to a smaller house.

The two acres would be something I’d compromise on, but ymmv.

 I would not compromise on the HOA, covenants, anything else that would limit your flexibility and options for the future. Nor would I compromise on the house being updated or priced low enough to update to your tastes. That said, having bought a house updated to someone else’s taste, I might prefer to do the updating myself.

[MeaganS]

We have almost all of that in our current home. It's only 1.5 acre though, but still, pretty close. I could easily downsize our house but I wouldn't want to give up our location/lot. In our area we are super blessed because we are surrounded by HOAs and small lots. We are in an older neighborhood kinda hidden in the middle of a bunch of new, so we lucked out. We can (and do) do mostly whatever we want.

On your list, I would give up a dining room first. I just don't like formal dining rooms. If there is a place for a table by the kitchen, I'd prefer that. In fact, I do that. We have a dining room but I refuse to buy a table just to fill the space when I know we'd never use it or barely use it. We've turned it into a sitting area but I'd easily just not have the space.

Next I'd give up the living room. I've tried really hard to change my mindset about what my home is for. I've come to the conclusion that my home is for living and not for the very occasional guest. Having a whole space just in case someone shows up seems unimportant and honestly, I'd rather not have it. It's just another place to clean and buy furniture for. 

Our house has 8 foot ceilings except in one room that is slightly vaulted and my bedroom. I will say when I first was considering the house this bothered me. The first thing I did when we bought it was to go through and paint it bright/light colors. This made a HUGE difference. I've also been really careful with my furniture choices and made sure that it all has a low profile. When we redid our kitchen, I made sure that our pendant lights had clear shades. Basically I did everything I could to make it not seem closed in. The next thing I want to do is change the blinds to roller shades since I feel like that opens up the windows so much. All that to say, it hasn't been that bad at all. We just have to be mindful when decorating. I'd still prefer higher ceilings but its not as big a deal as I thought it would be.

The pool would not be a deal breaker either way. Our pool is nice, but it is also a huge pain. I can see both sides of the argument there. I'm happy to have it since we moved in when my youngest was old enough to swim and we'll have it all the way through the teen years. Once the kids are gone, though, I definitely don't want one. It costs a lot of money to run and fix and is a slight stressor for me the whole summer. But it's really nice to have and be able to invite friends and family to use.

 

[Janeway]

When we bought this house, I had a list and my husband had a completely different one. It took months to find the right house but was worth it. If you have time, I would give it more time. If you are on enough land, you might be able to add on a room or add a pool, you cannot change ceiling height though. I would cave on everything except the land, HOA, and ceiling height. But if you don’t find the ceiling height thing in the next few months, then cave on the ceiling height.

[PeterPan]

I'd compromise on the ceilings if at least one space has a higher ceiling to feel more spacious. A bedroom with an 8' ceiling is just a non-issue, cozy, not a problem. A family room is nice more spacious.

The pool would be on the compromise list.

Living/dining room would be on the compromise list but I would want a place where I like sitting. 

[City Mouse]

I’d think I’d go the other way and figure out what your deal breakers really are. Based on your criteria, I would say the noHOA and the amount of land. Most everything else can be dealt with later with enough time and money. Rooms and a pool can be added. Not much could be done about ceiling height in existing rooms, but it seems like the land and no HOA is the priority. 

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

Yes, we had 2.5 acres previously and honestly our last house had far more mowable space.   Almost all the homes we have looked at on 2 acres are mostly wooded.

DH also grew up on 5 acres, where his mom still lives.   He mowed it a lot.   

DH loves, loves, loves land.   I am not a huge fan, but I do enjoy the privacy if he does the outdoor work.

One can be the "hang out cozy" room and one can be more formal for adults who visit.   A room that isn't used a whole lot but allows for us to keep it ready at all times.   But you are right, not 100% necessary.

Interesting.   That seems to be *my* main hangup.

Maybe we aren't ready to downsize mentally yet, I am trying to get there.   I think we are just floored at the prices and how much things have changed.   Trying to wrap our heads around the differences from 5 years ago.

Yeah, I guess we set it as 2 acres as those are the only homes around here without HOAs.   The smallest plot of land I found that didn't have restrictions was 1.75 acres.   Anything smaller than that are subdivisions with HOAs.

I know you Said your dh will do the yard work…but…

the older I get the more that kind of work is draining vs enjoyable. We have about 2 acres that we mow. It takes a minimum of 3 hours a week. And we don’t edge or do anything fancy. I’m getting to the point where the heat makes me sick, so I can’t help like I used to be able to. My point is that the idea of acreage is appealing but aging can really make it much more difficult to enjoy that kind of work. Just my thoughts. Ymmv.

if you’re looking at older homes, you may need to give on the ceiling height. I think it you find the right house, with adequate lighting, you will get used to the ceiling height. It’s hard when you’re used to the look of those tall ceilings to not see the other as cramped. But maybe look at it as cozy? I do know that with smaller rooms and lower ceilings different furnishings can make a difference in the appearance.

I’d give up the pool first, then the ceilings then the 5 bedrooms. 

[Scarlett]

@DawnM I totally get having to get mentally prepared to downsize. To make downsizing worth it you really need to downsize not just move and then  add everything you had before minus HOA. 
2 of your boys are going to launch soon. Since you haven’t had any launch yet it is difficult to see how quickly this can happen. So I would be buying with that fact in mind. 
 

If you can’t get what you want and be debt free, then I would say you can’t really afford what you want. 
 

It is hard to accept but a lot of us  have to do it. 

[Heartstrings]

The ceilings are going to be a problem if that’s what’s available.  If that is a deal kilker, have you considered a custom built home on land? You could buy land that currently has a trailer on it, or an empty lot.  

Edited June 28, 2023 by Heartstrings

[Spryte]

I like having multiple living spaces, and a separate dining room.

I think I would compromise on the land (slightly less than 2 could be fine), and possibly the bedrooms if any kids are close to launching or moving into the tiny house. I would take the pool off the list since you are going to add one, if there’s not an existing pool, and just make that criteria a “suitable pool site.”

I have family members who bought a house that somewhat worked for them. They added renovated to add on a few living spaces, among other bedrooms and things, and those areas had higher ceilings. They hired an architect to help. I would not say they downsized, exactly, though, when all was said and done. 

Can you open up to different locations, maybe go in a different direction? That could open some new options.

 

[vonfirmath]

I'm not really sure what a house looks like that had so many living spaces

 

Every house I've lived in had a kitchen, a place to eat and a living room. The closest I've come to more is the house we live in more -- Where when we bought it it was set up with a "breakfast" table set up in the kitchen. A dining room and a living room -- but the dining room and living room was one big room split into two because of furniture/lighting placement. So we put our table in the kitchen/"Breakfast" table spot and have a GIANT living room for the other room. It works better for us.

 

It is possible you need much more sq ft to have more living spaces. We're at 1550 I believe.

I wanted a 4th bedroom to have a spare room when people came to visit but there was nothing in our price range with a 4th bedroom so that is one place we compromised.

I refused to look at any houses with pools. I did not want the work or the stress.  We've been able to find pools to go visit quite a bit to go swimming.

Our neighborhood does not have a pool either, and that helps keep our dues smaller.

 

Edited June 28, 2023 by vonfirmath

[DawnM]

27 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

The ceilings are going to be a problem if that’s what’s available.  If that is a deal kilker, have you considered a custom built home on land? You could buy land that currently has a trailer on it, or an empty lot.  

Yes, we looked at 5 pieces of land and none are suitable for what we need.   There just isn't land to be had unless you go about 30 additional minutes out, and we just can't do that.   We commute 30 min now (DH sometimes 40 each way) and can't add another 30 min. to it.

And ALL of the ones we looked at don't allow you to stick a trailer on them while you build, are in covenant restricted areas, you have to build a certain size, style, etc.....

AND, they are more expensive.  We have already talked to our contractor about it.   I say "our" but we haven't hired him yet, he is just giving us quotes but I really like him a lot.   He is a pastor of a small church, has excellent reviews, and has shone us some of his work.   

[DawnM]

21 minutes ago, Spryte said:

I like having multiple living spaces, and a separate dining room.

I think I would compromise on the land (slightly less than 2 could be fine), and possibly the bedrooms if any kids are close to launching or moving into the tiny house. I would take the pool off the list since you are going to add one, if there’s not an existing pool, and just make that criteria a “suitable pool site.”

I have family members who bought a house that somewhat worked for them. They added renovated to add on a few living spaces, among other bedrooms and things, and those areas had higher ceilings. They hired an architect to help. I would not say they downsized, exactly, though, when all was said and done. 

Can you open up to different locations, maybe go in a different direction? That could open some new options.

 

Good ideas.   When we go today I do plan to look and see where we could add on to the house and I was thinking maybe we could add the extra garage and make it attached so we could enjoy the bonus area above it from the house instead of having to go outside to go to the upstairs in the garage.

And yes, we have been looking at pool sites if there is no pool.   I just know an existing pool is less $$ in the long run, but it's ok, we can work out the pool stuff.   It is the rest that I am figuring out.

[Lecka]

The contractor sounds great!!!!!!!

 

I hope you can find something you like — it sounds limited in your area right now.  That is too bad! 

[DawnM]

40 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

@DawnM I totally get having to get mentally prepared to downsize. To make downsizing worth it you really need to downsize not just move and then  add everything you had before minus HOA. 
2 of your boys are going to launch soon. Since you haven’t had any launch yet it is difficult to see how quickly this can happen. So I would be buying with that fact in mind. 
 

If you can’t get what you want and be debt free, then I would say you can’t really afford what you want. 
 

It is hard to accept but a lot of us  have to do it. 

Well, we could take out a small mortgage if we had to, or we could tap into some other resources (like my inheritance from my parents).   It would still be a huge savings.