Have you ever sent a stranger money?

[Scarlett]

That is kind of a broad question……but I was scrolling TikTok and there is this woman who has 8m followers….I like her.  She is very southern, very sweet…seems genuine….she is just pleasant to watch.  Her son was murdered recently.  People are sending her crazy amounts of gifts and money.  She got 64 wind chimes!  
 

I just wonder what possesses people to send money or gifts to strangers. 

[73349]

Not randomly. I have used a web site's "tip jar"; and we sponsor a family through The Box Project, so have given them help and gotten to know them by exchanging letters. ETA: Oh, and Kiva loans.

Edited July 14, 2022 by 73349

[WildflowerMom]

The only thing I’ve done is sent money through gofundme to a few people that I knew were going through a difficult time.  They’ve all been local, but I wouldn’t rule out sending it to strangers.  But your example doesn’t sound like she’s struggling financially or in great need of wind chimes, so no, I would not do that.   The gofundme craze is tiring.  

[Annie G]

I know who you’re talking about.  I mean, I TikTok know her,  not know her in real life. There are a ton of folks using social media to make a lot of money.  I’d love to know why people who really don’t have a lot of money send things/cash to people on social media. I suspect a lot is folks who feel lonely and it makes them feel like a friend. 

[vonfirmath]

The people who follow her on TikTok may not consider her a stranger.

 

There is an artist in the Minecraft world that I watch videos from regularly and yes, I sometimes send money to him. I consider it supporting an artist. Even if the art is putting together youtubes for my and others' benefit.  My husband supports an author on Patreon for similar reason.

[Slache]

Friends of friends in a bad place. One house fire and one in need of a service animal.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Once there was a man standing on the street playing the violin and it was absolutely gorgeous. He was incredibly talented. He had a Venmo on a sign and I sent him money via Venmo. No idea why I did that lol. I just appreciated it that day and decided to give. 

If I know someone via someone (friend of a friend) and they have a need, I will give. I don't typically give to total strangers since there are so many scams

Edited July 14, 2022 by Ann.without.an.e

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

I think that particular TikToker has really meant a lot of people.  She gives mama advice to people who don’t have good relationships with their parents and interacts frequently in the comments with encouragement and love.  People probably truly do feel a connection with her and that’s why.

I don’t even send money to people I know, much less strangers.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I support charities who in turn give money and food or materials to people who I don’t know. But I trust the charity. I have given to a couple of boardies who I feel like I “know “ but actually I have never met them. 

[Clarita]

When I read the title of this post all I thought was a Nigerian prince??

[Terabith]

Yes

[purpleowl]

I have given to fundraisers for online friends in communities similar to this one. Situations where I have friendships with people, even though I've never met them in person. I have also donated to GoFundMe fundraisers for friends of friends before, but not frequently. I need to feel confident that it's a legitimate need.

One of the times when I gave to a boardie's fundraiser (on a different board, not here!), it came out later that she was catfishing all of us about almost every aspect of her life, but she did legitimately do walks for this nationally known charity. So that felt weird, like, okay, my money did go to the organization, but everything else about the woman was a lie...so I kind of regretted having given through her. Nothing I could do about it at that point though, and of course I didn't begrudge the charity. It was just icky.

[catz]

Oh well, I have bought merch from talented online streamers of particular interest (like cooking, video games, etc).  I like to support their work in some small way.  

I have sent a few small gifts or donated to people during troubled times I've met online who I've literally known online for years and years.  Not famous people, just average people.  Like we've certainly exchanged messages via social media many times prior.  

But otherwise no, not my thing at all.   I am not a fan of influencer culture and I don't particularly want to financially support it.  

[SKL]

Rarely I feel moved to give money to a stranger in need.  But I will have learned of the person/situation through a person or organization I trust with that much money.

[Corraleno]

I've given money to people I know online that I haven't met in person (including several from this board), and I donate to several animal rescues, including some local ones that are basically just run by one person out of their house. 

[TheReader]

Via online giving, usually no. 

In person, if a situation leads me to do so, yes. 

Online, if it's a friend of a friend, when I trust the friend, sometimes. 

I don't count organizations, etc, in that, though. 

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I think that particular TikToker has really meant a lot of people.  She gives mama advice to people who don’t have good relationships with their parents and interacts frequently in the comments with encouragement and love.  People probably truly do feel a connection with her and that’s why.

I don’t even send money to people I know, much less strangers.

She is not a scammer and she does help a lot of people.  So I don’t begrudge her getting stuff…..but I just have no desire to send her a gift.

I happen to know you are very generous @Mrs Tiggywinkle.  

[Guest]

56 minutes ago, Clarita said:

When I read the title of this post all I thought was a Nigerian prince??

Oh yeah, *that* guy…

[Guest]

I rarely give money directly to strangers and even more rarely would consider a go fund me, however I have given gifts or gift cards to strangers many times if I am aware of a need. However I have become a bit cynical about that unfortunately because I have been burned, even on this very board, and I’m not in a hurry to repeat that. I’ve begun to think there is a power imbalance that bothers people and causes them to lash out, flake out or act like they don’t know you helped them.
 

At work I gave an accident client a Target gift card because their situation since the accident was quite dire and I wanted to help. But this person raged at me in an abusive way until my attorney intervened and stopped it. It was baffling and it crushed all notions of random acts kindness towards clients out of my repertoire. I’m not doing that ever again. I will help a person get public services or give them information but that’s it. 

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

Once there was a man standing on the street playing the violin and it was absolutely gorgeous. He was incredibly talented. He had a Venmo on a sign and I sent him money via Venmo. No idea why I did that lol. I just appreciated it that day and decided to give. 

If I know someone via someone (friend of a friend) and they have a need, I will give. I don't typically give to total strangers since there are so many scams

I put money in a jar for a musician playing while we waited for the subway in NYC.I have never forgotten his name. Gabriel Royal. 

[fraidycat]

3 hours ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

Once there was a man standing on the street playing the violin and it was absolutely gorgeous. He was incredibly talented. He had a Venmo on a sign and I sent him money via Venmo. No idea why I did that lol. I just appreciated it that day and decided to give. 

If I know someone via someone (friend of a friend) and they have a need, I will give. I don't typically give to total strangers since there are so many scams

Modern day busking. 
 

I have sent a small amount of money to a boardie once, along with a winter coat, but I don't generally send either gifts or cash to random strangers on the internet.

I feel bad for that TikToker having to deal with all the gifts in her time of grief. I saw a video of her truck bed and seats full of packages - and just felt overwhelmed at the thought of all that!

[Guest]

When I was in Paris, there was a violin busker playing Vivaldi so perfectly I almost cried. I did throw some euros in there but I legit would have Venmo’d him if that had been a possibility. 

[Brittany1116]

Yes, many times and many different circumstances. 

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, fraidycat said:

Modern day busking. 
 

I have sent a small amount of money to a boardie once, along with a winter coat, but I don't generally send either gifts or cash to random strangers on the internet.

I feel bad for that TikToker having to deal with all the gifts in her time of grief. I saw a video of her truck bed and seats full of packages - and just felt overwhelmed at the thought of all that!

She seems really grateful though.  She was opening a bunch up on camera. 

[Melissa Louise]

Yes, but not randomly.

To support legal actions. 

[Scarlett]

I follow another lady who also gets money sent to her.  She asks for money though.  She is very interesting to watch.  She lives in AK and is bi-polar and well, she is just interesting,  but I don’t want to send her money.

I also like the young man who has autism….positivelyawesomemisaac.  People send him a lot of stuff.  
 

I just find it interesting.  

[Katy]

I once sent money to a woman I’d known of in middle school, though I hadn’t heard about her in 30 years. She had a legitimate sob story and needed help to keep her daughter out of foster care. I gave money to an online fundraiser. She died from an overdose weeks later and until now I hadn’t thought about the connection between a sudden influx of thousands of dollars and her overdose. 

The one time I gave money to someone begging I happened to see him getting into the drivers seat of a brand new luxury vehicle later that day, parked 50 feet from where he was begging. I don’t think I’ve given money directly to a stranger since. Except once when I felt like I should to someone who wasn’t begging but clearly needed some help. I can’t imagine giving to a stranger online, I’ve heard too many stories about catfishing scammers. 

[J-rap]

No, not without some connection that we trusted.

[Tanaqui]

I certainly have given money to strangers, both online and IRL, and also "given money" in the form of, say, buying them a burger and fries if I happened to be there anyway, or paying for their diapers if they were ahead of me in the checkout lane and short of cash. It's certainly possible some of those people were lying and didn't really need the money, but whatever. I don't live my life second-guessing my good deeds, not on those grounds anyway.

But in this case, with this woman's tiktok followers, those people may not quite feel like strangers. Even if she's never interacted with a specific individual personally, they may feel like they have a sort of parasocial relationship with her. It's like being quasi-acquaintances. You know really they don't know you, but you feel like you know them.

[heartlikealion]

8 hours ago, Scarlett said:

That is kind of a broad question……but I was scrolling TikTok and there is this woman who has 8m followers….I like her.  She is very southern, very sweet…seems genuine….she is just pleasant to watch.  Her son was murdered recently.  People are sending her crazy amounts of gifts and money.  She got 64 wind chimes!  
 

I just wonder what possesses people to send money or gifts to strangers. 

If someone feels an emotional connection or they are overcome with compassion etc. I don't think it sound so strange. I have sent a couple things to "strangers" but I knew they were legit people. An example (not one I personally did) would be like Operation Angel. 

I don't get the paying to send stars on social media. What even IS that? I think people pay with real money to make these animated stars appear on certain facebook lives?? No, I'm not sending .50 so a star appears on your page. But maybe it's a way to show support for someone you like a lot and they think so what, it's chump change. 

[Eos]

Never online, so I guess my answer is no.  I've bought groceries, handed money, bought Christmas gifts, etc all in real life but not technically "sent."

[lauraw4321]

Yes, many times. I heard a priest who worked in this gang intervention program who gave so much of his life to these young men. The interviewer asked whether people were taking advantage of him. He said “No, I give my advantage away.”

It was really life changing for me. Because I had been burned before in giving and finding out it was a lie. But then I decided that what mattered was my motivation, not theirs. 

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

Yes, many times. I heard a priest who worked in this gang intervention program who gave so much of his life to these young men. The interviewer asked whether people were taking advantage of him. He said “No, I give my advantage away.”

It was really life changing for me. Because I had been burned before in giving and finding out it was a lie. But then I decided that what mattered was my motivation, not theirs. 

Interesting.  I prefer to give my help to people I know personally who need help.  I don’t have a lot extra to give though so maybe that is the difference.  

[Scarlett]

5 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

Yes, many times. I heard a priest who worked in this gang intervention program who gave so much of his life to these young men. The interviewer asked whether people were taking advantage of him. He said “No, I give my advantage away.”

It was really life changing for me. Because I had been burned before in giving and finding out it was a lie. But then I decided that what mattered was my motivation, not theirs. 

But this does remind me of a situation I was in recently.  Dh and I had loaned about $2k to a friend who was in desperate need.  She quickly paid back all but $800 and it drug on for over a year. I began to get resentful especially when I saw her and her husband taking vacations or whatever.  This is a really close friend and I did. To like the way I was feeling.  I confided my feelings to my SIL and she completely changed my thinking on it.  She said, ‘why not forgive the debt?’  Mind blown.  It was exactly what I needed to do.  I cleared it with Dh and texted her that I knew she had had a really rough 5 years with her health and their business and we wanted to give them the gift of forgiving the debt.  I don’t feel like she was lying or taking advantage of me…..but forgiving the debt completely released me from my resentment.  

[lauraw4321]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

But this does remind me of a situation I was in recently.  Dh and I had loaned about $2k to a friend who was in desperate need.  She quickly paid back all but $800 and it drug on for over a year. I began to get resentful especially when I saw her and her husband taking vacations or whatever.  This is a really close friend and I did. To like the way I was feeling.  I confided my feelings to my SIL and she completely changed my thinking on it.  She said, ‘why not forgive the debt?’  Mind blown.  It was exactly what I needed to do.  I cleared it with Dh and texted her that I knew she had had a really rough 5 years with her health and their business and we wanted to give them the gift of forgiving the debt.  I don’t feel like she was lying or taking advantage of me…..but forgiving the debt completely released me from my resentment.  

Precisely. If I loan someone money, it is only if I am willing to forgive that debt. 

[BlsdMama]

Yes, but strangers might not be the right term. They were known online but not IRL.

[OakParkOwlets]

Yes, I have when felt compelled.  In particular, there was a mom lamenting that her child really wanted to learn the violin but they couldn't afford even a rented instrument, I private messaged an offer to pay for an inexpensive one.  A few years ago I offered up in a local FB group I run to help pay for bills or presents around Christmas time to a few I had seen share concerns over a recently lost job.  I felt like I would rather be fooled for a few bucks than have a kid loose out on something special.

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

Yes, but strangers might not be the right term. They were known online but not IRL.

Yes I can see myself sending @Quill money if she needed it and I could afford it.  She and some others on here have a long relationship that feels real to me if not IRL.

But when I am one of 8 million followers on a TikTok page…nah 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Yes I can see myself sending @Quill money if she needed it and I could afford it.  She and some others on here have a long relationship that feels real to me if not IRL.

But when I am one of 8 million followers on a TikTok page…nah 

Well I did just get my property tax bills and they are astronomical. Venmo me @… 😝

[KidsHappen]

I have sent money, gifts for children for Christmas and curriculum to people on this board. We do toys for tots, angel trees and food bank donations around the holidays. We give food to homeless people on the street and paid for people behind us in a fast food line. We have many times contributed to the boy and girl scouts. I have let many teenagers stay with us for short periods of time when they didn't  have anywhere else to go. We have bought clothes for some of them and some eventually ended up having children of their own that we bought stuff for. I did get burned on this board once by someone  that I sent some free things to and they were supposed to pay they shipping which they never did. I don't think it was on purpose though. I think that person may have been overwhelmed at the time and simply forgot. We are not well off. As a matter of fact, we struggle a bit to make ends meet but we try to pay it forward when we can. 

Also our family has a tradition of helping each other out with major expenses when needed. For instance, when we bought our last mattress we couldn't really afford the whole price so everyone in the family contributed towards the cost. We do this for everyone who has a major expense. We have also passed down cars and furniture and tons of baby clothes and toys. My grandchildren wear clothes and play with toys that used to belong to my children.

[Farrar]

Through GoFundMe's for friends of friends. I've only ever done them for people I'm only one degree removed from though. I don't really trust them otherwise and I've never done one for a stranger or sent a stranger something apropos of nothing, not even a stranger affected by a tragedy.

When I was in middle school, my mother was the recipient of a large sum from a stranger. It allowed us to have Christmas because we were SO broke. Contextually, we strongly suspect it was a stranger (my mother's name was even spelled wrong in the gift). It was given anonymously. We have always suspected it was a friend of a friend or more likely a family member of a friend. Like, someone who wanted to do something nice for someone in need and my mother was suggested to them. It still warms my heart to think of it. 

[Eos]

10 hours ago, Scarlett said:

But this does remind me of a situation I was in recently.  Dh and I had loaned about $2k to a friend who was in desperate need.  She quickly paid back all but $800 and it drug on for over a year. I began to get resentful especially when I saw her and her husband taking vacations or whatever.  This is a really close friend and I did. To like the way I was feeling.  I confided my feelings to my SIL and she completely changed my thinking on it.  She said, ‘why not forgive the debt?’  Mind blown.  It was exactly what I needed to do.  I cleared it with Dh and texted her that I knew she had had a really rough 5 years with her health and their business and we wanted to give them the gift of forgiving the debt.  I don’t feel like she was lying or taking advantage of me…..but forgiving the debt completely released me from my resentment.  

We have helped many people with money, payments, etc, but once were the recipients of a huge help.  We had four different investors in our business in addition to the bank.  One died and had left instructions for our remaining debt to be forgiven.  I cried when I got the letter about it. It was so unbelievably kind and generous.

[ScoutTN]

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

Through GoFundMe's for friends of friends. I've only ever done them for people I'm only one degree removed from though. I don't really trust them otherwise and I've never done one for a stranger or sent a stranger something apropos of nothing, not even a stranger affected by a tragedy.

When I was in middle school, my mother was the recipient of a large sum from a stranger. It allowed us to have Christmas because we were SO broke. Contextually, we strongly suspect it was a stranger (my mother's name was even spelled wrong in the gift). It was given anonymously. We have always suspected it was a friend of a friend or more likely a family member of a friend. Like, someone who wanted to do something nice for someone in need and my mother was suggested to them. It still warms my heart to think of it. 

I too have been the recipient of generous, anonymous gifts in times of real need.