Campaign wear at a funeral visitation....would that bother you?

[Ottakee]

Friday night I went to the funeral visitation for a dear friend's father.  I and a few others I was with noticed a gentleman there wearing some fairly (but not glaringly) obvious campaign wear.....a jacket with this campaign logo, and a few other things on it.

I didn't get close enough to see if it had his name of .........for .......... Or not on it.     I also don't know how or how well he knew this family.  They could have been life long friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc...or something more casual.   I believe my friend's husband would vote for this person but no idea about the rest of the family.

It didn't matter to me which party/position this person is running for, I just felt it in bad taste to wear the campaign jacket to the funeral home.  It was plenty warm enough that he could have come in from the parking lot with no jacket if that happened to be the only jacket he has with him, or it could have been hung up on the coatrack in the lobby.

Am I being overly sensitive?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Unless your dear friend or her family were offended, then yes, I do think that you are being overly sensitive. 

[Faith-manor]

I would be really upset though probably hide it. I have no patience for political proselytizing at such intensely personal events like weddings and funerals. 

[wintermom]

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. They may have come straight to the visitation from another function. I think that their presence at the visitation says more than their clothes. Just my opinion. 

[kbutton]

1 minute ago, wintermom said:

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. They may have come straight to the visitation from another function. I think that their presence at the visitation says more than their clothes. Just my opinion. 

This, especially because it was on outerwear. I think people think, "coat." not campaign-wear. Lots of people have logo-wear from employers, kid's sports, etc., and it's just one more of those kinds of things. 

I know that some people at some times would be purposefully goading people along though, so I don't think it's out of the range of possibly causing offense. If I knew it was someone purposefully schmoozing and glad-handing, I would really be bothered.

[Faith-manor]

34 minutes ago, kbutton said:

This, especially because it was on outerwear. I think people think, "coat." not campaign-wear. Lots of people have logo-wear from employers, kid's sports, etc., and it's just one more of those kinds of things. 

I know that some people at some times would be purposefully goading people along though, so I don't think it's out of the range of possibly causing offense. If I knew it was someone purposefully schmoozing and glad-handing, I would really be bothered.

I think I am sensitive because local polticians, even state reps, regularly crash weddings and funerals to which they were not invited to shake hands, and hand out "vote for me" stickers. It is gross. We get a lot to that kind of behavior around here. There is no sense of appropriateness. So for me, it is a local culture problem, and I don't have patience for it. I automatically assume the motivation is scuzzy. But I can see how it could be just not thinking about it in a different local culture.

[prairiewindmomma]

It would bother me. Funerals aren’t supposed to be divisive and political stances are these days. 

The only thing that wouldn’t bother me would be if he was wearing union numbers and the deceased was of the same union. 

[kbutton]

8 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

I think I am sensitive because local polticians, even state reps, regularly crash weddings and funerals to which they were not invited to shake hands, and hand out "vote for me" stickers. It is gross. We get a lot to that kind of behavior around here. There is no sense of appropriateness. So for me, it is a local culture problem, and I don't have patience for it. I automatically assume the motivation is scuzzy. But I can see how it could be just not thinking about it in a different local culture.

This is exactly the kind of behavior that I was envisioning when I said glad-handing. It's so annoying. At the same time, there are people who could come in a nice suit, no stickers, no handouts, no logo, and STILL manage to be that way. 

[SKL]

I wouldn't recommend his fashion choice, but I would give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't thinking about what his coat said at that moment.

I wouldn't waste energy being offended.  Either he meant for it to be noticed, in which case he isn't worth that much thought, or he didn't mean it, in which case offense is not the right emotion IMO.

[Faith-manor]

1 minute ago, kbutton said:

This is exactly the kind of behavior that I was envisioning when I said glad-handing. It's so annoying. At the same time, there are people who could come in a nice suit, no stickers, no handouts, no logo, and STILL manage to be that way. 

Very true. I think my worst experiences were leaving the graveside service for my father to find a political flyer on the windshield of my car, and before that, playing for a funeral in a church I had no personal affiliation with, and being accosted afterward by one of the county commissioners wanting to know if I would vote for him. Ugh. So gross.

[Pawz4me]

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, but it seems incredibly tacky. Even if the person was coming from another event, it's not like it's hard to put a different coat in the car. If someone is running for an elected office and can't think even that far ahead, do simple planning like that -- I'd have to think long and hard about whether or not they were ready for an elected office. I'm pretty laid back about clothing at visitations and funerals. Ripped jeans and other weird but common fashion things don't bother me. But campaign stuff seems to be a blatant effort to call attention to oneself, and IMO that just shouldn't happen at a visitation or funeral.

[MercyA]

I'm with Pawz4me. It's tacky. 

[KungFuPanda]

51 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

I think I am sensitive because local polticians, even state reps, regularly crash weddings and funerals to which they were not invited to shake hands, and hand out "vote for me" stickers. It is gross. We get a lot to that kind of behavior around here. There is no sense of appropriateness. So for me, it is a local culture problem, and I don't have patience for it. I automatically assume the motivation is scuzzy. But I can see how it could be just not thinking about it in a different local culture.

They do WHAT???? That’s so tacky. How does it not backfire?!?!?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I assumed that the OP's description was a bit more subdued because while the OP could see a logo, she couldn't see more explicit political messages.  And she said that it "wasn't glaringly obvious".  I don't think that an elderly person (who are often colder than younger people) should have to store his coat.  Now if he was passing out flyers, waving a campaign flag, disrupting the viewing with loud political arguments etc. then my opinion would be different.  For me, this would be an inward eyeroll moment but not a take offense moment.  But if my friend was upset, then I would be more upset on their behalf. 

[Faith-manor]

9 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

They do WHAT???? That’s so tacky. How does it not backfire?!?!?

Local politics here is shameless. 

However, it doesn't appear that Ottakee experienced anything like this, just a little jolt that someone didn't think about how a campaign coat at a funeral service could be perceived when everyone there is sensitive to begin with due to grief.

[gardenmom5]

Reminds me of a question Miss Manners once received. 

Some one could take him aside and tell him he's associated his politician with death.

[KungFuPanda]

As a side note, I’ve never entered a single funeral home i my life that wasn’t freezing. 

[Xahm]

The funeral home (out of state) that my grandfather's service was in recently was decorated with a variety of political campaign memorabilia. One party was over represented, but both main ones were present. It was very odd, to my taste.

[Katy]

I think it’s tacky. 

[gardenmom5]

25 minutes ago, Xahm said:

The funeral home (out of state) that my grandfather's service was in recently was decorated with a variety of political campaign memorabilia. One party was over represented, but both main ones were present. It was very odd, to my taste.

Wierd.  Was the person very political?

[MerryAtHope]

I’m floored, appalled, horrified that anyone would hand out flyers or buttons, specifically talk about their campaign, or in any way work to advertise their campaign at a funeral! Unbelievable! That would be the fastest way to get me to NOT vote for somebody! I have just never heard of such insensitive behavior. Wow! With that said, if somebody had a shirt or jacket on with a campaign message or personality on it, I would probably just assume it’s what they always wear and not think too much about it. I don’t really think it’s appropriate, but I get that some people don’t follow dress conventions while at the same time not meaning to offend. If that person started trying to advocate for a politician though, I would be offended and think that was very out of place.

[ScoutTN]

Yes, it would bother me very much!

[KrissiK]

3 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Unless your dear friend or her family were offended, then yes, I do think that you are being overly sensitive. 

Yes.

[ktgrok]

1 hour ago, MercyA said:

I'm with Pawz4me. It's tacky. 

This. I would notice, and find it tacky, but would TRY to assume positive intent and that the due didn't remember that he was wearing it. Or is so clueless he doesn't realize that not everyone is of the same party. But I'd definitely put it on the "things not to wear" list and remind my kids of that if need be. Icky. 

57 minutes ago, Xahm said:

The funeral home (out of state) that my grandfather's service was in recently was decorated with a variety of political campaign memorabilia. One party was over represented, but both main ones were present. It was very odd, to my taste.

That is SO weird! Like, really really weird. 

[Xahm]

50 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Wierd.  Was the person very political?

I was told that the (late?) founder of the funeral home was really into local politics and many politicians (small town but state capitol) used this particular funeral home. It still didn't make sense as decoration. My grandfather hated political bickering and viewed most political conversation as bickering.

[Dmmetler]

4 hours ago, Ottakee said:

Friday night I went to the funeral visitation for a dear friend's father.  I and a few others I was with noticed a gentleman there wearing some fairly (but not glaringly) obvious campaign wear.....a jacket with this campaign logo, and a few other things on it.

I didn't get close enough to see if it had his name of .........for .......... Or not on it.     I also don't know how or how well he knew this family.  They could have been life long friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc...or something more casual.   I believe my friend's husband would vote for this person but no idea about the rest of the family.

It didn't matter to me which party/position this person is running for, I just felt it in bad taste to wear the campaign jacket to the funeral home.  It was plenty warm enough that he could have come in from the parking lot with no jacket if that happened to be the only jacket he has with him, or it could have been hung up on the coatrack in the lobby.

Am I being overly sensitive?

It would have bothered me, too.

[Tanaqui]

I agree that it's inappropriate, but unless he *acted* in an inappropriate way I try, at times like this, to put it in the best light. Maybe he didn't realize that's the coat he picked out, or maybe he had to wear it elsewhere and didn't have time to pick out a different one. Perhaps it really wasn't very warm to *him*, which is why he kept it on.

[Ottakee]

Thanks for th different perspectives.  It was a warmer day and he is not elderly so not thinking that a coat was needed....family was in short sleeves and they were there for hours.

I didn't interact at all with him....which might have been a good thing as the older I get the less filtered I seem to be.  

Several others I was with noticed it too and were put off by it and we are widely different in political views, etc.

Not going to lose sleep over it, but also not sure he will get my vote.

[Jean in Newcastle]

14 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

Thanks for th different perspectives.  It was a warmer day and he is not elderly so not thinking that a coat was needed....family was in short sleeves and they were there for hours.

I didn't interact at all with him....which might have been a good thing as the older I get the less filtered I seem to be.  

Several others I was with noticed it too and were put off by it and we are widely different in political views, etc.

Not going to lose sleep over it, but also not sure he will get my vote.

Wait. So he’s a candidate himself?  Not just a “fan” of a political view?  If he’s a candidate then I do see this as worse because I see it as capitalizing on someone else’s grief. 

[itsheresomewhere]

It would depend.  Close friend, possible if you go first I am wearing this bet among close friends, huge supporter, etc- I wouldn’t think twice then.  Just showing up wearing it would make me think about what type of politician they were. 

[Farrar]

With the more information that this is the person's own campaign, I feel like it's tacky. I'm not offended if he didn't additionally campaign, but tacky tacky tacky for sure.

In a general sense, unless you somehow knew the person through a political context, it does just seem unnecessarily divisive in this day and age. It's possible that some people just don't think about it. They wear their political gear so often that it's like, I'm just dressed for my day. And I'm not of the view that we need to make politics be a taboo subject and the personal absolutely is political so there are lines somewhere, but in the end... just let it all rest sometimes. If there's any space where you want to just let people have a reprieve, it's at a funeral.

Edited March 7, 2022 by Farrar

[Ottakee]

51 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Wait. So he’s a candidate himself?  Not just a “fan” of a political view?  If he’s a candidate then I do see this as worse because I see it as capitalizing on someone else’s grief. 

Yes, the person wearing the jacket in question IS the candidate.   Like I said, I avoided interaction with him so I don't know what, if any, discussion there was.   He could be close to the family and maybe the deceased had the same political leanings, but it still just felt weird to me.

[Pam in CT]

If he actually IS the candidate, then to my mind it's a bit more than "clueless" or "tacky" -- more crossing over into "making something that is definitely not about him, into an opportunity for him."  

Which, judgment.  We (rather desperately) need leaders to exemplify judgment.

 

[Eos]

Yes.  I don't think any clothing with any words on it is appropriate for funerals or Meeting/church, but I'm weird that way - I didn't let my kids wear clothes with words on them until they were old enough to ignore me.

[Elizabeth86]

17 hours ago, Ottakee said:

Friday night I went to the funeral visitation for a dear friend's father.  I and a few others I was with noticed a gentleman there wearing some fairly (but not glaringly) obvious campaign wear.....a jacket with this campaign logo, and a few other things on it.

I didn't get close enough to see if it had his name of .........for .......... Or not on it.     I also don't know how or how well he knew this family.  They could have been life long friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc...or something more casual.   I believe my friend's husband would vote for this person but no idea about the rest of the family.

It didn't matter to me which party/position this person is running for, I just felt it in bad taste to wear the campaign jacket to the funeral home.  It was plenty warm enough that he could have come in from the parking lot with no jacket if that happened to be the only jacket he has with him, or it could have been hung up on the coatrack in the lobby.

Am I being overly sensitive?

And to say it is plenty warm enough? Some people freeze. My dad would have worn a coat in March no matter how warm it was that day because air conditioned places are too cold for him.

[lmrich]

It would be considered inappropriate by Emily Post. And then the fact that he is the candidate is just self-promoting and shows he lacks basic judgement.

[Ausmumof3]

I think it’s very tacky. And I’m not super judgmental about what people wear in general. If he was in dire financial circumstances and it was that or freeze I’d pass it and if their whole connection was around that campaign maybe at a push although that would still be a bit weird.

Edited March 7, 2022 by Ausmumof3

[Emba]

I would probably think, “Wow, that’s kind of tacky,” and let it go, if he wasn’t doing anything that merited being asked to leave.

[ktgrok]

11 hours ago, Pam in CT said:

If he actually IS the candidate, then to my mind it's a bit more than "clueless" or "tacky" -- more crossing over into "making something that is definitely not about him, into an opportunity for him."  

Which, judgment.  We (rather desperately) need leaders to exemplify judgment.

 

Ok, yeah, all this. 

At that point, he's basically campaigning at a funeral. ICK. 

[SKL]

Yeah, I assumed he wasn't the candidate, partly because OP indicated she couldn't even read who the logo was for.

Again, a poor choice if it was a choice.  Still possible he honestly didn't realize.  I still wouldn't waste my emotional energy on it one way or the other.

[Faith-manor]

13 hours ago, Ottakee said:

Yes, the person wearing the jacket in question IS the candidate.   Like I said, I avoided interaction with him so I don't know what, if any, discussion there was.   He could be close to the family and maybe the deceased had the same political leanings, but it still just felt weird to me.

Okay, that really crosses the line. That isn't "thoughtless". That is calculated in my book. "Go to an event and advertise myself" which is just tacky, tactless, and low.

[Ottakee]

41 minutes ago, SKL said:

Yeah, I assumed he wasn't the candidate, partly because OP indicated she couldn't even read who the logo was for.

Again, a poor choice if it was a choice.  Still possible he honestly didn't realize.  I still wouldn't waste my emotional energy on it one way or the other.

I knew exactly what the logo was and what it meant.   I just didn't want to give too much detail that would give away what party/office this person was running for.

[Amy in NH]

Yes, it would bother me.  Political posturing of any kind at weddings and funerals is wildly inappropriate.

No pass for the "didn't think about it" or "came directly from someplace else" - they wore it with pride to provoke others.

[Clarita]

For me, I don't know. I mean it's in bad taste to be campaigning at a funeral; on the other hand, half of my husband's closet are clothes with his employer's logo on it. Most days he is wearing a coat with his employer's logo on it. Honestly, it's because they are nice jackets and 2 of his 3 casual jackets.

[Ottakee]

1 hour ago, Clarita said:

For me, I don't know. I mean it's in bad taste to be campaigning at a funeral; on the other hand, half of my husband's closet are clothes with his employer's logo on it. Most days he is wearing a coat with his employer's logo on it. Honestly, it's because they are nice jackets and 2 of his 3 casual jackets.

I see employer logo as very different than campaign wear for your own personal political campaign.