Would you feel unsafe in this situation?

[math teacher]

Please do not quote- I may delete this later.

Here is the situation-My inlaws are needing help and we are considering moving our mobile home to their property. Living on the adjoining property is a man who killed his girlfriend and completed his prison sentence. He is now on parole. My FIL thinks he is perfectly safe and is trying to convince me of my safety in living there.

Do you think you would feel safe in this situation?

[Katy]

I wouldn't get into any argument with him, but I'd live there if need be.

I would never feel safe.

 

ETA: after reading more details I would avoid the place as much as possible.

Edited March 15, 2019 by Katy

[math teacher]

2 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said:

How long ago did it happen?  What were the circumstances?    

There was a drug bust and after serving the sentence for that, he killed the informant.  My inlaws bought the property while he was in prison, but he has been out probably around 5 years. That's just a guess.

[Carol in Cal.]

Whoa, what the HELL is he doing out?  He killed the informant?  How is that not premeditated murder?

I would not feel safe.  That is a mess plus if he is still using or dealing or both that's even worse.  

I would have a hard time feeling good about bringing up my kids there.  I'd probably risk it for myself, but with my own kids in the mix, I might not.  OTOH, maybe I just shouldn't have read Methland.  Wow.

[Shoeless]

Nope.  I would look for another solution, (can you move your inlaws into a trailer on your property?)

[lovinmyboys]

We live next door to someone who recently got out of prison, but not for murder. The owners of our house have a restraining order so he can’t come on our property, so I feel pretty safe here.

I think I would feel much less safe if he had murdered someone. I don’t think I would feel safe living there.

Edited March 15, 2019 by lovinmyboys

[math teacher]

5 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Whoa, what the HELL is he doing out?  He killed the informant?  How is that not premeditated murder?

I would not feel safe.  That is a mess plus if he is still using or dealing or both that's even worse.  

I would have a hard time feeling good about bringing up my kids there.  I'd probably risk it for myself, but with my own kids in the mix, I might not.  OTOH, maybe I just shouldn't have read Methland.  Wow.

That's a good question. He served his time is what I was told. 

[math teacher]

5 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

Nope.  I would look for another solution, (can you move your inlaws into a trailer on your property?)

They would never consent to moving. Dh actually commutes to the town near them, so it would benefit us to move closer to his job.

[gardenmom5]

I would feel personally safe - however, I wouldn't want to be around a drug house (between buyers and cops, no thanks).

I wouldn't want to have to steer clear of a neighbor who might snap and do something if he got angry.

[mumto2]

How close would you actually be to where this man lives?

[math teacher]

5 minutes ago, WendyAndMilo said:

Just how far apart are these properties?  Are we talking houses within arms reach of each other, or acreage?

The property my inlaws bought used to belong to this man's family, but they lost it in foreclosure. There is problably about an acre distance between the two houses. Not much more if any.

[math teacher]

7 minutes ago, mumto2 said:

How close would you actually be to where this man lives?

About an acre away, I think.

[math teacher]

9 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

I would feel personally safe - however, I wouldn't want to be around a drug house (between buyers and cops, no thanks).

I wouldn't want to have to steer clear of a neighbor who might snap and do something if he got angry.

There is no traffic of any kind. Apparently he isn't involved with drugs anymore.

[math teacher]

Just now, WendyAndMilo said:

Good for him, that's quite hard to do.  

Aside from a shorter commute, are there any other bonuses to this living situation?

Helping my inlaws. Dh doesn't have any living siblings, so it's just us. The property will belong to us one day. Oh joy

[math teacher]

2 minutes ago, WendyAndMilo said:

If it doesn't work out for some reason, will you be stuck there or will you have the resources to move?

We could probably move away if it didn't work out.

[Ausmumof3]

How isolated is the property?  Are there plenty of people around or would you be out of sight and sound distance?  I’d be concerned about living next door to an ex drug house even without the murder aspect I think.  

[Frances]

14 minutes ago, Math teacher said:

The property my inlaws bought used to belong to this man's family, but they lost it in foreclosure. There is problably about an acre distance between the two houses. Not much more if any.

Is there resentment towards your in-laws because they bought the property that was lost due to foreclosure?

[math teacher]

5 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

How isolated is the property?  Are there plenty of people around or would you be out of sight and sound distance?  I’d be concerned about living next door to an ex drug house even without the murder aspect I think.  

There are neighbors, but it is sparsely populated. I don't think this was the original drug house.

[Tanaqui]

Not with kids, no. Even if the man never directs any violence towards you that doesn't mean it won't happen towards you. A drug bust and he killed the informant? What if the cops come in with a no-knock warrant, get the wrong property, toss a flash grenade in and grievously injure or kill one of your kids? What if one of his customers or buddies comes storming angry about something and starts shooting? What if he thinks "This is a nice, isolated spot, few close neighbors - let's start a new meth lab!" and one day blows you all sky high?

You can't make life 100% safe, but you can control some variables.

Edited March 15, 2019 by Tanaqui

[Ausmumof3]

1 minute ago, Math teacher said:

There are neighbors, but it is sparsely populated. I don't think this was the original drug house.

Well that would be better because at least you are less likely to have randoms from dudes past turning up.  I think I’d still have qualms about living near someone whose solution to someone reporting them to police is murder but it would depend what other factors outweighed the situation.

[math teacher]

3 minutes ago, Frances said:

Is there resentment towards your in-laws because they bought the property that was lost due to foreclosure?

Maybe by some of the family members, I'm not real sure. FIL acts like they get along with the guy. He has told me that some of the family members have stolen things from him. Family would like to have first dibs on the place if he decides to sell it.

 

[math teacher]

1 minute ago, Seasider too said:

I would not be able to sleep at night, nor relax when my kids were out playing. 

I don't have littles at home, just me and dh.

MIL and I were talking about it awhile back and she told me she had misgivings about moving there to begin with. FIL has always done as he wished, with no regard for what she wants. Now she asks like she's on his side against me.

[Frances]

I don’t think I would be comfortable due to the isolation, previous drug/murder activity, and land foreclosure. I might be ok with one of the three, but not all of them.

[mumto2]

34 minutes ago, Frances said:

I don’t think I would be comfortable due to the isolation, previous drug/murder activity, and land foreclosure. I might be ok with one of the three, but not all of them.

I have to agree.  

[Carol in Cal.]

1 hour ago, Math teacher said:

Maybe by some of the family members, I'm not real sure. FIL acts like they get along with the guy. He has told me that some of the family members have stolen things from him. Family would like to have first dibs on the place if he decides to sell it.

 

Worse and worse.  No.  No and NO.  No.

[SKL]

Maybe with a well-trained German Shepherd dog and a pistol in the trailer.

I'd work on getting the folks to be willing to move nearer you.

[Ottakee]

3 hours ago, Math teacher said:

Maybe by some of the family members, I'm not real sure. FIL acts like they get along with the guy. He has told me that some of the family members have stolen things from him. Family would like to have first dibs on the place if he decides to sell it.

 

How about FIL sell to the family that wants it back and then you find a new property together away from there but in the same general area.

[TarynB]

Nope, no way. He killed out of cold-blooded revenge, not in the heat of passion. That’s worse, IMO.  What if he has or develops a grudge towards your family?

 

If your IL’s want your help, they get your help on YOUR terms, not theirs.

 

[DawnM]

6 hours ago, lovinmyboys said:

We live next door to someone who recently got out of prison, but not for murder. The owners of our house have a restraining order so he can’t come on our property, so I feel pretty safe here.

I think I would feel much less safe if he had murdered someone. I don’t think I would feel safe living there.

 

Restraining orders can be fairly worthless.  And it would bother me more knowing the person needed a restraining order against him to try to keep him out.  

[Pawz4me]

I don't know if I'd feel outright afraid, but I feel fairly certain that I wouldn't ever feel very peaceful/relaxed in that situation. I think I'd always be at least a bit on guard, feel the need to be vigilant all the time. And I wouldn't want to live like that if I had a choice.

[lavender's green]

We have a person with that exact same history who loiters outside of our neighborhood (a good mile or two away from where I live). His original crime was about 20 years ago. He is absolutely unsafe to be around. He gets drunk and tries to rape women in the grocery store parking lot, and gets belligerent with men. He keeps getting arrested for these things, does his jail time, and returns to the same place once he's free.

I'm sure some people can turn their lives around. But some don't. I wouldn't want to live near someone like this.

[Katy]

6 hours ago, Math teacher said:

I don't have littles at home, just me and dh.

MIL and I were talking about it awhile back and she told me she had misgivings about moving there to begin with. FIL has always done as he wished, with no regard for what she wants. Now she asks like she's on his side against me.

 

That's normal.  We get used to the threats that we know.  He hasn't hurt them yet so he probably won't in their minds.

55 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

Restraining orders can be fairly worthless.  And it would bother me more knowing the person needed a restraining order against him to try to keep him out.  

 

This.

[KungFuPanda]

I'll bet that statistically you are more in danger of being killed by your husband than your ex-con neighbor.

[MaBelle]

I'd personally wouldn't worry about it, but then of our 12 adult family members 10 of us carry so....

But I'd also tell the inlaws that they'd be the ones moving, because I like where I live.

 

Edited March 15, 2019 by MaBelle

[City Mouse]

you could go talk to the local law enforcement and find out if there have been any, or how many, calls for service have gone to his property. That is public information. You can find out if there have been any reports written and the nature of the reports. That may help you make a decision one way or another. You can find out if he is on probation.

Were I lived before, I never came in contact with anyone who had been to jail for anything more than unpaid traffic violations. Where I live now, it is unavoidable to be around people who have served time. While I don't go to their homes and hang out, I have changed my view of people like that. I would no longer avoid someone just because they have served time.

[Farrar]

I'll bet there's a murderer living that close to me. But somehow high density city vs. rural area... it feels different.

[Bluegoat]

I would be concerned, but there is something odd about that story, and I wonder if what you have heard it totally accurate.  If he went to prison or drugs, and then killed her, why is he out?  If he killed her while he was on bail or something, it seems like kind of a short sentence for revenge killing of a witness.

I might do a bit of searching to find out more details.

 

[Selkie]

4 hours ago, TarynB said:

Nope, no way. He killed out of cold-blooded revenge, not in the heat of passion. That’s worse, IMO.  What if he has or develops a grudge towards your family?

 

If your IL’s want your help, they get your help on YOUR terms, not theirs.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking.

[Selkie]

4 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

Restraining orders can be fairly worthless.  And it would bother me more knowing the person needed a restraining order against him to try to keep him out.  

I agree!

[mmasc]

I wouldn’t live there. I wouldn’t necessarily be afraid he’d murder me, I’d be way more concerned about the activity surrounding the home of a previous drug addict. People can change, but ime, in time they will go back to that lifestyle. At the very least, you know he’s surrounding himself with people who steal. That doesn’t make for good neighbors. 

[Bluegoat]

I'll just mention - he might not have been an addict, not all sellers are.  

[Corraleno]

1. Guy went to prison for drugs, and was so angry and vengeful he spent his time plotting to murder the informant.
2. Then he actually carried out the revenge-murder of his former girlfriend.
3. The property in question used to belong to the murderer's family, who are bitter about losing it in foreclosure and ultimately want it back.
4. The family has a known history of stealing from your FIL.

Any one of those things would make it a "no" for me, but all four? That's a hell no, no way, not in a million years. If you need to be closer to both FIL and DH's job, can't you find another place close by where your next door neighbor wouldn't be a murderer with a thieving family who wants your property back?

[sassenach]

I am not a fearful person in general. The known element is helpful to me. If he was a sex offender, I would say no way, but since his crimes seem very focused, I think I'd feel ok. If he was going to be vengeful about the property, I think that might have popped up in the last 5 years. Honestly, I'd be more worried about the MIL drama.

 

ETA: If you, OP, feel unsafe, then I don't think you can reason your way out of that and I don't think you should ignore it.

Edited March 15, 2019 by sassenach

[Scarlett]

I would find a way to get the complete story.  Does your state have an online data base of court cases?  OK has a great one.  But I would dig around and try to get some details.  You might even go directly to the police and see if they will tell you the part that is public record.

[gardenmom5]

11 hours ago, WendyAndMilo said:

Meh, there's passionate murderers and then there's practical murderers.  I would worry more about a passionate one than a practical one (which is what this dude sounds like).

I too would worry more about the passionate.  generally, that's people with whom they are in closest contact.

11 hours ago, Math teacher said:

There is no traffic of any kind. Apparently he isn't involved with drugs anymore.

if he's no longer using, or dealing (or anything in between) - that's good.  it is doable.  (my brother did.)

 

it could be ok, but it would be awhile before I stopped being leery.

[Pen]

Could you move closer to inlaws and dh work— but not move on to in law property?

age and sanity of guy on parole could make a difference too. 

And I’d ask questions as you can locally—law enforcement, perhaps people in community who were there before the crimes ...  

When does the parole end?  He may be on better behavior while on parole?

[J-rap]

I generally don't get nervous about my environment and what might happen, but I think I'd be uncomfortable with that situation, especially with children.  Of course you want to give people a chance to reform and become a better person and I absolutely believe that they can.  But the combination of a murder (of someone he cared about, no less) and selling drugs...no thanks.  Even if he doesn't slip back into the business at some point, old customers might sniff him out again and be in the area.

Then the whole land foreclosure thing and being in an isolated area.  Like Farrar said, it does feel different being in a more isolated rural area, for sure.

 

[Janeway]

I wouldn't. Thing is, even if you keep your head down and try to pretend to not see anything you might see, what happens if he thinks you saw something or thinks one of your children saw something? Nope, just nope. Someone else might turn him in for something and he blames you all? Nope. Inlaws may need your help, but have them move closer to you. Have them sell their place and move closer to you.

[Acadie]

16 hours ago, Math teacher said:

 

 

I would not feel physically or emotionally safe. 

If I inherited the property, I'd sell it. The convenience and potential financial boost just would not be worth giving up my sense of physical and emotional safety. And being in a questionable situation with family members who minimize or dismiss the potential threat would only compound that feeling for me.

Where is your dh on this? Does he hear and respect when you feel unsafe, or are you feeling pressure from multiple family members? 

Is there any way you could move closer to his work and your ILs without living there (or being too close)?

Amy

Edited March 15, 2019 by Acadie

[Stacia]

If the family resents the land being sold to your in-laws in the first place, and they have indicated they want first dibs for a buy-back, how will they feel when they see you (a younger couple), moving onto the property? Would they possibly see it as usurping their place in line for the property? (Not saying that's how it is but how it could be perceived.)

It would make me uneasy. The hard feelings over the land ownership could lead to real problems, imo.