WWYD - 17.5 year old tested positive for vaping

[Pink and Green Mom]

Ok, so I am not known for remaining calm in a crisis.

I just got a call from the assistant principal at my son's high school.  During a random nicotine and drug test today my 17.5 year old tested positive for nicotine (he admitted to vaping, I don't know the extent of the habit).  To say I am shocked is an understatement.  Son will have to serve 1 day in-school suspension (he and several others who tested positive).  The school conducts these tests periodically - I think 45 kids tested positive last year.

Overlaying this is the fact that my husband, who lost his job last year, has finally gotten a new job in a city 800 miles away.  We are in the process of applying to private high schools in the new area and I suspect this incident will tremendously hurt his chances of getting in, as every application I have filled out thus far has a "my child does not use drugs, nicotine, or alcohol" statement.  He also plays high school baseball and I am not sure what the consequences will be with that.

So, wise hive mind.  What would you do if your otherwise well behaved/good student 17.5 year old was vaping?  My husband is 800 miles away at the moment and not returning home until Friday so this conversation with DS17 is going to be entirely up to me.  All viewpoints and advice welcome.  I waiver between the standard "it is bad for you" lecture (I did way worse in high school) and wanting to kill him.  My DH (usually calm, cool and collected) is fit to be tied at the moment.

[umsami]

He is almost legally an adult.

I would let him face the consequences whatever they may be.

My Dad was a doctor, who lost his father (also a doctor) to lung disease from smoking.  I remember him being so disappointed when my brother took up smoking.  Maybe have him do a research paper on the effects of vaping? Nicotine addiction? Etc.  Or to make it more fun....look at the marketing techniques companies use to lure teens.

[Tanaqui]

Your kid is almost a legal adult. To be honest, I don't think there's much force you CAN throw at your kid, especially since vaping is so much more addictive than regular tobacco. I'd focus on support - your kid has picked up a very addictive, very expensive habit. Help with quitting and loving concern about the risks may go a longer way than trying to punish or lecture this away.

[madteaparty]

Why is there a random nicotine/drug test at school? I honestly can't pick what to be furious about first.

Edited November 5, 2018 by madteaparty

[fairfarmhand]

"So....what on earth were you thinking?"

"How do you think this is going to affect your playing baseball?"

"Now you tell me, Son. I'm filling out paperwork for private schools in x. I'm supposed to sign off on 'My child does not use x substances.' So how am I supposed to handle this?"

And don't get into "I did worse" stuff. 

The fact that you did worse is irrelevant. I'm assuming you set a standard and he violated that. 

Allow the consequences to stand. Whatever they are. 

(The above discussion would be a "wow. I am so disappointed. What led you this direction? How can I support you in getting out of this habit? The consequences are what they are. So. This decision has pretty huge consequences for all of us. That stinks."

This would not be an angry tirade or a long lecture.)

Edited November 5, 2018 by fairfarmhand

[Pink and Green Mom]

2 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

Why is there a random nicotine/drug test at school? I honestly can't pick what to be furious about first.

He goes to a private school - when we enroll we agree that students can be subjected to random drug/alcohol/nicotine tests.  This is standard for all the private schools in my area (Florida).

And I now remember the topic of his sophomore research paper:  "The Dangerous Effects of Vaping".  Sigh.

[Lady Florida.]

5 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said:

Yes, I'm wondering why a school tests for nicotine, also.   I've never heard of that.  Is it a breath test?

I could see testing athletes especially if they agree not to use any drugs, including legal nicotine. Random nicotine tests of all students seem like an over reach.

[Lady Florida.]

1 minute ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

 

And I now remember the topic of his sophomore research paper:  "The Dangerous Effects of Vaping".  Sigh.

Sometimes young people do stupid things. I used to calculate how much my mother and stepfather spent on cigarettes and show them what we as a family could do with that money. In college when I was trying to stay awake to study for exams my roommate said her boyfriend (a smoker) smoked a cigarette  when he needed to be alert. We bought cigarettes because we weren't about to try speed or anything else illegal,  and when finals were over she stopped and I was an addicted smoker. Thankfully I quit years ago but just because I used to tell my parents they shouldn't smoke it didn't keep me from making a foolish choice for myself.

[Scarlett]

I agree with letting the consequences fall where they fall.  I probably fall on the radical side of how smoking affects me....so I am not good with advice on this.  

[SKL]

I would be most concerned about whether he was addicted to nicotene and how to help him quit the habit.

He broke rules, he should deal with whatever consequences result.  Beyond that, I don't see what you can do with someone who is almost an adult.

[Scarlett]

34 minutes ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

Ok, so I am not known for remaining calm in a crisis.

I just got a call from the assistant principal at my son's high school.  During a random nicotine and drug test today my 17.5 year old tested positive for nicotine (he admitted to vaping, I don't know the extent of the habit).  To say I am shocked is an understatement.  Son will have to serve 1 day in-school suspension (he and several others who tested positive).  The school conducts these tests periodically - I think 45 kids tested positive last year.

Overlaying this is the fact that my husband, who lost his job last year, has finally gotten a new job in a city 800 miles away.  We are in the process of applying to private high schools in the new area and I suspect this incident will tremendously hurt his chances of getting in, as every application I have filled out thus far has a "my child does not use drugs, nicotine, or alcohol" statement.  He also plays high school baseball and I am not sure what the consequences will be with that.

So, wise hive mind.  What would you do if your otherwise well behaved/good student 17.5 year old was vaping?  My husband is 800 miles away at the moment and not returning home until Friday so this conversation with DS17 is going to be entirely up to me.  All viewpoints and advice welcome.  I waiver between the standard "it is bad for you" lecture (I did way worse in high school) and wanting to kill him.  My DH (usually calm, cool and collected) is fit to be tied at the moment.

Is he not set to graduate in 2019?  If he is just a junior now then yeah this may prevent him from getting into a private school.  But honestly I would be so disappointed my money would  not be spent worrying about getting him an expensive high school education.

 

[itsheresomewhere]

First thought-Why is money being wasted testing for nicotine?  

He is almost an adult.  While I don’t agree with the punishment over nicotine, he can deal with it.  I am not a fan of smoking so I don’t want anyone to think that. 

[Pink and Green Mom]

He is a junior turning 18 in May.  We red-shirted him (that was common practice where we used to live for spring/summer born boys).

[almondbutterandjelly]

From what you are saying, it looks like the private schools won't take him if he is vaping?  Ask him what his plans are for school when you move.  Public, homeschool, dual enrollment? Or can he research a private school that doesn't care?  This is on him, to figure out the consequences.

[Annie G]

To be honest, I wouldn’t get super upset about it. It’s just one of many things he could have done, and while it has consequences, they are not awful - if he had an accident while driving recklessly and someone died, if he got a girl pregnant, if he was arrested for illegal drugs....now, those things I would be upset about, because those consequences are lifelong. 

‘He can accept the consequences and move forward. Your health insurance might cover a smoking cessation program and if he’s enrolled in one, it might mitigate issues w school applications. As far as baseball, if he can’t play, he can’t play. Do you expect him to get a baseball scholarship to pay for college? If that is the plan, I would probably be more angry that his choices have ruined that. 

I totally get that you’re upset and having dh so far away probably makes it worse. This, too, shall pass. But in the meantime, it stinks!

[katilac]

I'm not a parent who could get all worked up about this, and I hate smoking and vaping. That doesn't mean I wouldn't respond, I just wouldn't get all worked up about it. If he said it was a one-off or close to it, I might just give him a second chance, letting him off with the usual lectures plus extra chores equivalent to any time I spent worrying about this or at the school. If I thought it was a regular thing, I'd respond more strongly. 

I'd go through his stuff and toss any vaping supplies (monetary loss). Obviously you have to do this quickly before he gives it to a friend. I'd pull any spending money he's given, because he has too much money if he's wasting it. I'd implement heavy fines for any future times that he gets caught, double if it's at home or in a family vehicle. 

 Re the private school applications, you ask him whether he's done with vaping. If he says yes, you put an asterisk and note that the got caught vaping but has committed to not doing it again. If they don't believe him, or he doesn't say yes, then he goes to public school. No big deal. I seriously doubt one instance of vaping is going to knock him out of the running, though. 

But, overall, I personally would not be freaking out about it. He's a few months from 18. No matter what parents teach, everybody has to make their own stupid mistakes in life.  

[bolt.]

I don’t think I’d do anything.

Nicotine isn’t great for him, but young adults make unwise choices all the time. If he isn’t taking your advice up to this point, he’s not very likely to start listening in the next 6 months.

I’m not sure what I would do about the college applications and statements of nicotine-less living... is that really a thing? I guess I’d let him fill out his own forms as honestly (or dishonestly) as he chooses.

I’m really surprised that they can suspend high school’s students over this. It doesn’t sound like something that would happen here. I’m not thinking they can even test high school students in my area?

It all seems a little overblown.

[katilac]

What would freak me out is private schools randomly testing for nicotine. That goes too far for my personal taste, I don't think schools should have authority past the school walls. Knowing that so many schools, private and public, do not adhere to the idea that students do not "shed their constitutional rights at the schoolhouse door" as per the Supreme Court is one reason  I was attracted to homeschooling. 

[katilac]

1 minute ago, bolt. said:

 I’m not sure what I would do about the college applications and statements of nicotine-less living... is that really a thing? 

 

Not college, private high schools. 

[bolt.]

3 minutes ago, katilac said:

 

Not college, private high schools. 

Oh, I see. I guess if he didn’t meet the requirements for a certain school, I wouldn’t send him there. Or, maybe I would say something to the effect of ‘past use’ but no current use — and let the school decide about his eligibility.

Edited November 5, 2018 by bolt.

[Pink and Green Mom]

Thank you all for the great advice.  I am a major over-reactor and found myself not getting worked up about this and wondering what others would do.  I am disappointed, but as has been pointed out, there are much worse things he could be doing, and yes, I think the school goes a little bit overboard with nicotine testing.  My main concern right now is how long/how often this has been going on, and getting him off of nicotine if this was not just a one-off thing.  I honestly have no idea at this point whether it was or is an ongoing issue.  I am just hoping the element of surprise (me being calm and not losing my ****) will bring on some truthful answers.

[teachermom2834]

Ugh. This is one of those things that would fall under “dumb stuff kids do”. I would honestly be annoyed and let him know I’m irritated he did a dumb thing that will possibly have consequences that don’t really fit the crime. Then I would focus on assessing if he has an addiction and what if anything I can do to assist him. The consequences would be whatever the school doles out. 

As far as private school applications go I would just be truthful and let the chips fall where they fall. Vaping is so super common it might not be a deal breaker at every school. And with a child who will be 18+ when enrolling in this school, I’m not sure one year of private school as an adult will make a huge lasting difference in his life. 

Dont get me wrong- I’m totally uptight and would be upset but I’ve had two boys that age and sometimes they just do dumb stuff that has consequences. It is annoying but you can’t control a kid that age (yet you are responsible for them). It’s a hard time but I wouldn’t beat yourself or him up or blow it out of proportion. See what the consequences are and deal with that reality and assess the addiction/potential for other substance use and go from there.

Sorry you are going through this. But this will pass.

Edited November 5, 2018 by teachermom2834

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

And for me, there aren't many worse things.  There are a lot of things that are just as bad, but IMO, smoking (and vaping) are as bad as doing crack or stealing cars.  It's not about the morals of it, it's about the health.  

Yes I agree.  It is also just disgusting.  Right up there with poor hygiene. My dh has been DEVASTATED to find out his oldest has been smoking for at least 2 years.  And he has a orthopedic surgery he needs---being a smoker drastically reduces chances of success.  I just can't even.  

[bolt.]

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/240820.php

This article seems to say that the health impact of vaped nicotine is quite a bit less serious than smoking — but the addiction itself is very difficult to overcome.

[Scarlett]

If it were my kid....and he was only a junior....it would be non negotiable.  He would stop---and he would get all the help he needed from me---but he would be drug tested regularly as long as he lived in my house.  If he wants to stop then that kind of oversite for the next 18 months would be helpful to him....and if he doesn't want to quit then he can go do it while no longer  living in my home.  

[katilac]

24 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

And for me, there aren't many worse things.  There are a lot of things that are just as bad, but IMO, smoking (and vaping) are as bad as doing crack or stealing cars.  It's not about the morals of it, it's about the health.  

 

Really? I don't think that vaping is healthy, but I'd certainly rank it a million miles above crack. 

[unsinkable]

P&G Mom,

I'd be upset bc it is a health issue as well as an academic issue, since he is suspended. He needs to find out the consequences of missed work or missed tests. Some schools allow make-ups, some don't, and some leave it to individual teacher discretion.

As for sports, the consequences are probably already written down in the student conduct handbook. Around here, baseball season is over. There is no fall ball, so it wouldn't matter. But some private schools I know suspend from all activites, not just sports, for drug use. 

I would ask for all his vape stuff. I'd want to know how and where he's getting it. If he has been using long term, I'd figure out a way to let him taper off thru supervision bc I think that would give him a better chance to quit long term vs going cold turkey.

Also, about the transfer...some private schools are very strict about senior year transfers and will only consider under certain circumstances. Moving into the city where the school is usually counts but I thought I'd let you know my experience that it can be very rarely done, depending on school culture.

 

[Ravin]

1 hour ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

Ok, so I am not known for remaining calm in a crisis.

I just got a call from the assistant principal at my son's high school.  During a random nicotine and drug test today my 17.5 year old tested positive for nicotine (he admitted to vaping, I don't know the extent of the habit).  To say I am shocked is an understatement.  Son will have to serve 1 day in-school suspension (he and several others who tested positive).  The school conducts these tests periodically - I think 45 kids tested positive last year.

Overlaying this is the fact that my husband, who lost his job last year, has finally gotten a new job in a city 800 miles away.  We are in the process of applying to private high schools in the new area and I suspect this incident will tremendously hurt his chances of getting in, as every application I have filled out thus far has a "my child does not use drugs, nicotine, or alcohol" statement.  He also plays high school baseball and I am not sure what the consequences will be with that.

So, wise hive mind.  What would you do if your otherwise well behaved/good student 17.5 year old was vaping?  My husband is 800 miles away at the moment and not returning home until Friday so this conversation with DS17 is going to be entirely up to me.  All viewpoints and advice welcome.  I waiver between the standard "it is bad for you" lecture (I did way worse in high school) and wanting to kill him.  My DH (usually calm, cool and collected) is fit to be tied at the moment.

 

My first reaction is, what the heck is the school doing drug testing your kid? Did you and your son sign something agreeing to this at enrollment (or as part of his sign up for basketball)? If they have no evidence that he was vaping on campus or at a school event, and no evidence that he brought any nicotine products to school, where do they get off administratively punishing him for anything that happened outside of school?

All of that is entirely aside from what my reaction would likely be to my kid vaping, mind you. Which would be fury, and irritation and the apparent stupidity of the kid's behavior (though honestly, my frustration with the stupidity of vaping in the first place would be followed closely by my frustration at the stupidity of admitting illegal behavior to school authorities. If you're old enough and clever enough to find a way around the law and get your hands on something illegal, you're also old enough to understand your fifth amendment rights!).

Mind you, I just had to have a conversation with my 15 year old about sexting last weekend, a topic which is both less and potentially more serious than vaping (less because nicotine is so addictive and there are potential health impacts as well as legal ones, more because of how laws are written).

I wouldn't waste breath on the "it's bad for you" lecture. He knows that already, I 100% guarantee. Ideally, I think I would start by listening to what he has to say about it. I would discuss the ramifications for his future school choices, and try not to get too lecture-y about it. As long as the school was acting appropriately (i.e., you'd consented to the testing, your son had his rights explained to him before he was questioned), I wouldn't try to shield him from the school's consequences. He's old enough that he should be actively involved in thinking through solutions and the best way to manage damage control, but young enough that he likely wasn't thinking any of that through when he picked up the vape thingie.  

[katilac]

27 minutes ago, Ravin said:

 

My first reaction is, what the heck is the school doing drug testing your kid? Did you and your son sign something agreeing to this at enrollment (or as part of his sign up for basketball)? If they have no evidence that he was vaping on campus or at a school event, and no evidence that he brought any nicotine products to school, where do they get off administratively punishing him for anything that happened outside of school?

 

 

It's a private school. However, even public schools have a wide latitude for punishing students for things that happen outside of school

[MysteryJen]

Pink and Green,

I would be totally annoyed at the whole situation. But nicotine? I can't get too worked up about it. I would just say, well dude that was stupid and move on.  Honestly, this was a first time thing, right? It is unlikely that it will affect him getting into a high school next year.

Just so so annoying. 

 

 

[LMD]

33 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

I’d be so happy he was vaping and not smoking weed, cigarettes, drinking, etc.  In terms of health impacts that dodging so many bullets compared to other choices he could have made.  The main risks are financial and the aforementioned academic consequences, which I’d let him feel.  It’s okay to say “hey kid, stupid move, don’t start that stuff because it’s not healthy and costs and arm and leg” but he’s almost a legal adult and, quite frankly, it’s just not a big deal in the scale of life and health choices in my personal scale of risk assessment.  

Yeah, this is almost exactly what I would have written.

Also, I may be more embarrassed about my child doing something so uncool as vaping! 

Which may lead me to the tactic of making it more thoroughly uncool via my teen's middle-aged mother vaping and extolling it's rad ness (lol) in front of their friends... 

[livetoread]

I’m in the no way nicotine camp. My son has done weed and alcohol illegally and we talked about it but I didn’t do anything more than that. I’ve told him if he ever smokes or vapes, or does any other drug/pill/whatever legal or illegal, I’m losing my $%^&.

[moonflower]

10 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

And for me, there aren't many worse things.  There are a lot of things that are just as bad, but IMO, smoking (and vaping) are as bad as doing crack or stealing cars.  It's not about the morals of it, it's about the health.  

 

But stealing cars isn't that bad for your health, it's morally bad.  

Crack is worse for you than nicotine and is illegal.

[moonflower]

10 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

I would rank them exactly the same.  You don't have to agree with me though.  There is exactly one person in my entire family who smoked while I was growing up.  He died of smoking related diseases.  MIL smoked most of her life, and died of smoking related diseases.  My DH is thankfully still alive and not diagnosed with smoking related diseases yet...but he hasn't smoked in 18 years so that's a positive.  The people I know who didn't quit smoking.......smoking killed them.  As far as I am concerned, smoking is as deadly as crack, even if the risk isn't as immediate.  

 

how many people do you know who are addicted to crack, and what were the adverse affects from that addiction?

[Carrie12345]

Many kids do dumb and dangerous things. Making it to 17.5 before hitting one of the most common ones is kind of impressive (not that I'd tell a kid that!)

The actual consequence in this case is so far beyond what I'd consider reasonable that I would probably leave it at that and a "lecture".  I mean, I'd try to make it more of a conversation, but I know myself and it would lean lecture-y.  The thought of impacting school admissions and sports participation is pretty mind boggling to me.

Of course I do know some teens who wound up being adult smokers, but the overwhelming majority did not. Actual smoking is seen as gross these days, and people who vape are called d-bags all the time. The percentage of regular nicotine users keeps dropping. Sure, there is real risk, but the odds are a whole lot better than when I was in high school.

[CAJinBE]

There has been recent evidence that the flavorings added to the e-cigarettes are toxic and cause problems in addition to the nicotine. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Juul is supposed to be really bad for teens. 

[Lanny]

There is not much you and your DS can do other than telling the truth on the application forms. I would be extremely thankful that it is not Cocaine or Heroin or one of the many other popular drugs in the USA.  As others have said, he is almost 18 years old and will legally be an adult at that time. Yes, it is possible that Private schools will reject him for this, but if he tells the truth on his applications, that will match what his current school sends to the schools you are applying to and telling the truth will be in his favor. Good luck to him.

OT: If you are moving to a different state and he is in High School, in Public Schools that would be very problematic for him, changing states during High School is something to avoid, so I think Private Schools are the way he needs to go.

[madteaparty]

16 hours ago, katilac said:

What would freak me out is private schools randomly testing for nicotine. That goes too far for my personal taste, I don't think schools should have authority past the school walls. Knowing that so many schools, private and public, do not adhere to the idea that students do not "shed their constitutional rights at the schoolhouse door" as per the Supreme Court is one reason  I was attracted to homeschooling. 

I’m trying to be constructive but I would 1. Be super sad personally that all these years of making bone broth at midnight and homemade food, and approx 10 cups of tea a day would have come to this, I mean he doesn’t even drink cola 2. I would be concerned my son would be angry at me for signing his rights away when you enrolled him in this private school. Smoking is not illegal. I would not sign that sort of paperwork when you move, for one. I’d also refuse to answer the smoking question on applications.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Obviously if it affects his getting into a school, it is an issue right off the bat.

it is absolutely upsetting given the circumstances and repercussions for your son.  And I am sorry you are dealing with it alone at the moment.  I am very surprised that a school, public or private, would test for nicotine and I am truly sorry that it might be an issue for him getting into another school. 

However, for possible ease of mind as to the health risks...

Vaping is NOT smoking.  E-Cigarettes is a misnomer.  With the exception of having nicotine, they are nothing at all alike.

Nicotine is not the enemy, though it has been demonized.  There are many studies on it's effects and it's potential use in treating many neurological disorders. 

If it is of concern, this is a quick reference on some of the UK studies.

https://publichealthmatters.blog.gov.uk/2018/02/20/clearing-up-some-myths-around-e-cigarettes/

Full disclosure, I smoked for years.  Quitting was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Years later, I picked up ecigs under a time of great duress and continue to use them.  As to someone mentioning the expense, it is incredibly less expensive than smoking.  Back in the day, I smoked a pack and then some a day and I think a pack is like $10 now?  30 ml of low nicotine eliquid, which lasts me a month, can range from $7.99 to $30, a whole lot cheaper than the $300 plus it would cost me to still smoke cigarettes.  My lung and cardiac function are as as good now as that of a non-smoker. I would absolutely advocate for a smoker to use them to quit cancer sticks.

 

More disclosure, my 18 year old also vapes.  Thrilled about it?  No.  But it does help her anxiety and given what she's gone through, I am just glad it helps her.

(ducking now)

[lavender's green]

I'm not a fan of smoking. It's killed several of my relatives. 

That said, it only killed them after decades of very heavy use. We don't even know the extent of this young man's habit - or maybe he just did it a couple of times. I think at least half the people I knew in college had experimented with various legal smoking things, and I'm in my early 30s, so this was 10ish years ago. I have photos of people puffing cigars at my wedding right after graduation! Only one is a regular smoker now, and he had already been a regular smoker.

So on my list of things to get worked up about, this is pretty low. It's extremely unfortunate that it impacts his school applications, and that his current school tested for it at all. As such, I'd let him figure out the applications. I think that's consequence enough.

[Pink and Green Mom]

Thanks again for the advice!  DS told me where he vaped and with who, and that this was a one-off thing.  He has never given me a reason not to trust him so I am taking him at his word.  An 18 year old from his team was vaping after practice and asked DS if he wanted to try it and DS said "sure."  So I had a conversation about how incredibly stupid it is to smoke something someone offers you because you have no earthly idea what is in it.  Add this to the category of "things I though my kid knew better than to do".  

I guess really I am more worried about the suspension appearing on DS's school record and how that hurts his chances of being accepted into a private school.  Bad enough we had no choice but to move 600 miles away half way through his junior year (DH lost his job Nov. 2017 and we held it together for a year but we weren't going to make it past Christmas without a new job).  He isn't the most motivated student and I fear he will fall through the cracks in a huge public school in a new area, and homeschooling him is not an option (I couldn't make it work with him past 5th grade).  But, the chips fall where they may and he realized how dumb it was to do what he did so there is that.

Again, thank you for the advice.  As I mentioned in my original post DH was livid.  I gave him the link to this thread as the comments were coming and and it really calmed him down and changed his tune.  I think he should never, ever complain again about how much time I spend on here.?

Edited November 6, 2018 by Pink and Green Mom

[mommyoffive]

45 minutes ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

Thanks again for the advice!  DS told me where he vaped and with who, and that this was a one-off thing.  He has never given me a reason not to trust him so I am taking him at his word.  An 18 year old from his team was vaping after practice and asked DS if he wanted to try it and DS said "sure."  So I had a conversation about how incredibly stupid it is to smoke something someone offers you because you have no earthly idea what is in it.  Add this to the category of "things I though my kid knew better than to do".  

I guess really I am more worried about the suspension appearing on DS's school record and how that hurts his chances of being accepted into a private school.  Bad enough we had no choice but to move 600 miles away half way through his junior year (DH lost his job Nov. 2017 and we held it together for a year but we weren't going to make it past Christmas without a new job).  He isn't the most motivated student and I fear he will fall through the cracks in a huge public school in a new area, and homeschooling him is not an option (I couldn't make it work with him past 5th grade).  But, the chips fall where they may and he realized how dumb it was to do what he did so there is that.

Again, thank you for the advice.  As I mentioned in my original post DH was livid.  I gave him the link to this thread as the comments were coming and and it really calmed him down and changed his tune.  I think he should never, ever complain again about how much time I spend on here.?

 

That is awesome.  I think that would have been how I reacted too. 

[shawthorne44]

Put me in the flip-out camp.  

Of course, I was that kid that would place lung cancer pamphlets on mom's smoking chair and wave the menu obnoxiously at her when she smoked in a restaurant.  I also gave her a thank you card when she quit when I was a young adult.   And we celebrated her 10-year quit date.  'They' say that at 10-years the lungs are back to looking like a non-smokers.  

Part of what would aggravate me is just how incredibly stupid it is.   My mom had an excuse, when she was pregnant with me doctors were telling pregnant women to START smoking if their weight increased too much.  The only reason anyone would want to start today is to be a follower.   

[Bootsie]

I would be unhappy to find out that he had made this choice.  But, I think it is well within the range of normal for kids this age to make a  poor choice like this.  I do not like to think that a student making this choice at 17 has long-lasting consequences imposed by others.  I would be concerned about the environment of any school that would not accept an otherwise well-behaved kid because of this one incident.  I do not think that is a healthy environment emotionally.  i would be looking for a high school that encourages positive, healthy choices, but not one that has no room for a 17-year old to make a mistake. 

[katilac]

1 hour ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

 I guess really I am more worried about the suspension appearing on DS's school record and how that hurts his chances of being accepted into a private school.  Bad enough we had no choice but to move 600 miles away half way through his junior year (DH lost his job Nov. 2017 and we held it together for a year but we weren't going to make it past Christmas without a new job).  He isn't the most motivated student and I fear he will fall through the cracks in a huge public school in a new area, and homeschooling him is not an option (I couldn't make it work with him past 5th grade).  But, the chips fall where they may and he realized how dumb it was to do what he did so there is that.

 

Obviously I can't say for sure, but I really can't imagine one incident of vaping to be a deal breaker for private school. Kids get into private schools with disciplinary records all the time. 

35 minutes ago, shawthorne44 said:

 The only reason anyone would want to start today is to be a follower.   

 

I don't fully agree with this, I think many young people use cigarettes to self-medicate anxiety and stress. Or they're curious and impulsive, or they know the dangers of smoking but don't feel it on a personal level. Feeling ten feet tall and bullet proof is hardly rare among teens. 

5 minutes ago, jdahlquist said:

I would be unhappy to find out that he had made this choice.  But, I think it is well within the range of normal for kids this age to make a  poor choice like this.  I do not like to think that a student making this choice at 17 has long-lasting consequences imposed by others.  I would be concerned about the environment of any school that would not accept an otherwise well-behaved kid because of this one incident.  I do not think that is a healthy environment emotionally.  i would be looking for a high school that encourages positive, healthy choices, but not one that has no room for a 17-year old to make a mistake. 

All of this. 

[Catwoman]

4 hours ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

Thanks again for the advice!  DS told me where he vaped and with who, and that this was a one-off thing.  He has never given me a reason not to trust him so I am taking him at his word.  An 18 year old from his team was vaping after practice and asked DS if he wanted to try it and DS said "sure."  So I had a conversation about how incredibly stupid it is to smoke something someone offers you because you have no earthly idea what is in it.  Add this to the category of "things I though my kid knew better than to do".  

I guess really I am more worried about the suspension appearing on DS's school record and how that hurts his chances of being accepted into a private school.  Bad enough we had no choice but to move 600 miles away half way through his junior year (DH lost his job Nov. 2017 and we held it together for a year but we weren't going to make it past Christmas without a new job).  He isn't the most motivated student and I fear he will fall through the cracks in a huge public school in a new area, and homeschooling him is not an option (I couldn't make it work with him past 5th grade).  But, the chips fall where they may and he realized how dumb it was to do what he did so there is that.

Again, thank you for the advice.  As I mentioned in my original post DH was livid.  I gave him the link to this thread as the comments were coming and and it really calmed him down and changed his tune.  I think he should never, ever complain again about how much time I spend on here.?

 

Can you explain the situation to the school and see if they will keep the suspension (and this entire incident) off of your son’s permanent record? This is a minor, first time offense and your son has never been in trouble in the past, so maybe they will give him a break.

I wouldn’t let this go without a fight.

[itsheresomewhere]

Honestly, I think anyone who looked at what the suspension was for on his record wouldn’t bat an eye. More than likely eye roll especially colleges.  Unless they were the most perfect person....

From a friend who does admissions to a college-  they don’t really look at one time offenses unless it was a really bad one that had the person removed from school permanently. She was saying that they kind of expect most kids to have one these days as they are seeing a lot of ridiculous rules.  

Edited November 6, 2018 by itsheresomewhere

[Arcadia]

4 hours ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

  An 18 year old from his team was vaping after practice and asked DS if he wanted to try it and DS said "sure."  So I had a conversation about how incredibly stupid it is to smoke something someone offers you because you have no earthly idea what is in it.  Add this to the category of "things I though my kid knew better than to do".  

 

I would be more concerned about this than the disciplinary record. My DS12 is easily influenced and likes to fit in, so a move to a new place and a new school would make my kid more susceptible to doing stuff like that. In our area, it’s more of pot brownies and laced candies in school than vaping. My school district has kids in juvenile delinquency cases (mainly robbery and vandalism of private properties) so vaping would be way down on the disciplinary record in terms of severity. 

Below quoted is for California 

“In addition, AB X2-9 amended HSC Section 104420(n)(2) requiring all school districts, charter schools, and COEs that receive Tobacco-Use Prevention Education (TUPE) grant funding amend their current Tobacco-Free School Policies to prohibit the use of e-cigarettes to comply with HSC tobacco-free certification requirements.” https://www.cde.ca.gov/ls/he/at/tobfreelaws.asp

Below quoted is about school drug testing in general 

“How do some schools conduct drug testing?

Following models established in the workplace, some schools conduct random drug testing and/or reasonable suspicion/cause testing. This usually involves collecting urine samples to test for drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, amphetamines, phencyclidine (PCP), and opioids (both heroin and prescription pain relievers).

In random testing, students are selected regardless of their drug use history and may include students required to do a drug test as a condition of participation in an extracurricular activity. In reasonable suspicion/cause testing, a student can be asked to provide a urine sample if the school suspects or has evidence that he or she is using drugs, such as:

• school officials making direct observations
• the student showing physical symptoms of being under the influence or patterns of abnormal or erratic behavior

Why do some schools conduct random drug tests?

Schools adopt random student drug testing to decrease drug misuse and illicit drug use among students. First, they hope random testing will serve as a deterrent and give students a reason to resist peer pressure to take drugs. Secondly, drug testing can identify teens who have started using illicit drugs and would benefit from early intervention, as well as identify those who already have drug problems and need referral to treatment. Using illicit drugs not only interferes with a student's ability to learn, but it can also disrupt the teaching environment, affecting other students as well.

Is random drug testing of students legal?

In June 2002, the U.S. Supreme Court broadened the authority of public schools to test students for illegal drugs. The court ruled to allow random drug tests for all middle and high school students participating in competitive extracurricular activities. The ruling greatly expanded the scope of school drug testing, which previously had been allowed only for student athletes” https://www.drugabuse.gov/related-topics/drug-testing/faq-drug-testing-in-schools

[alisoncooks]

So...he tried it *once* after practice, and the school just happened to test right after that (time frame - next day?) so that he was still testing positive? How long does a person test positive after use?

Perhaps your son is being perfectly honest (and his timing was rotten, trying right before a random testing), but it sounds like a line I'd have fed my mom...

Edited November 6, 2018 by alisoncooks

[Mergath]

6 hours ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

Thanks again for the advice!  DS told me where he vaped and with who, and that this was a one-off thing.  He has never given me a reason not to trust him so I am taking him at his word.  An 18 year old from his team was vaping after practice and asked DS if he wanted to try it and DS said "sure."  So I had a conversation about how incredibly stupid it is to smoke something someone offers you because you have no earthly idea what is in it.  Add this to the category of "things I though my kid knew better than to do".  

I guess really I am more worried about the suspension appearing on DS's school record and how that hurts his chances of being accepted into a private school.  Bad enough we had no choice but to move 600 miles away half way through his junior year (DH lost his job Nov. 2017 and we held it together for a year but we weren't going to make it past Christmas without a new job).  He isn't the most motivated student and I fear he will fall through the cracks in a huge public school in a new area, and homeschooling him is not an option (I couldn't make it work with him past 5th grade).  But, the chips fall where they may and he realized how dumb it was to do what he did so there is that.

Again, thank you for the advice.  As I mentioned in my original post DH was livid.  I gave him the link to this thread as the comments were coming and and it really calmed him down and changed his tune.  I think he should never, ever complain again about how much time I spend on here.?

 

Just an fyi, the stuff they test for in urine to determine nicotine use only stays in the body for a few days at most unless you're a regular user. So unless he's saying he vaped within three or four days of the nicotine test, he's probably not being honest about it. People who use nicotine regularly, however, can have cotinine in their body for weeks. And unless his buddy was vaping the stuff with a really high level of nicotine, he probably wouldn't have tested positive from just a single use.