How to throw a present signal to your husband

[Ausmumof3]

He's gotten pretty good at this over the years.

Except for the throwing knives, which struck me so funny that they worked great as a gag gift, even though that was not the intention. (But seriously, that was 11 months ago, and I really need to either return them or try them out. I guess.)

And I have gotten a lot better at not feeling like a stupid clerk if I just get him what he sent me the link to.

I'm wondering what kind of person he thinks you are if that gift is meant to appeal strongly to your intimately known inner person 😂😂😂

[Ausmumof3]

The present signal to my husband comes in the form of my DD. I take DD shopping to the stores DH is most likely to want to go to and I point things out to her.

 

Then, when it's time for DH to do some shopping, he takes DD and she does a fabulous job steering him to the exact things I want.

 

Win-Win for all because he thinks he's done a bang-up job shopping for me, and I'm not stuck with something I don't really like or want.

DS 11 has been responsible for me getting some pretty cool surprise gifts the last few years ... Kids are great for this. He also usually knows what DH wants which is handy because I don't have a clue about buying some of the stuff he's into.

[Carol in Cal.]

I'm wondering what kind of person he thinks you are if that gift is meant to appeal strongly to your intimately known inner person 😂😂😂

 

Heh.

 

I am clumsy and have never held a gun in my hand.  I won't take a woodworking class, even though I would like to be able to make things out of wood, because I am positive that I will cut some fingertips off. 

 

But there is a fairly new Bass Pro shop in our city, and one day when we were walking through it to look at a boat, he apparently heard me say that I should have some throwing knives.  So he got all excited, researched them, and bought me a set of three that are apparently better than the others there for reasons he turned up in his research, and also saved up a bunch of youtube how to videos to send me after I opened them. 

 

I have no recollection whatsoever of even noticing the throwing knives, let alone remarking positively on them, but I imagine that I was making a passing joke as we went by and he took it seriously.  I thought this was really, really funny but with sweet intentions.  I still do. 

[Carol in Cal.]

Maybe one with a quote from a favourite book and a library card pocket and a section for dog treats ... Hmmm

 

Have you seen Storiarts.com?

 

I bought myself a pair of 'My Secret Garden' writing gloves from there.

[kewb]

I tell my husband if I want something. Hints lead me to disappointment.

[mathnerd]

Buy it, wrap it, and tell him, "you got me a purse for my birthday. Thank You!"

 

That's what I have done for the past 25 or so years, and DH is always thrilled that he doesn't have to shop or think about what I might want.

Yes, I buy whatever I want on behalf of my DH for my birthday - it has been so all the time that we have been together. He does not buy presents. He says he does not want to. He is a great guy, so, I have learned to buy presents on his behalf.

[theelfqueen]

I am a believer in Amazon wish lists.

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[Lady Florida.]

I give dh a list with several items on it. That way I get something I want but am still surprised because I don't know what he chooses from the list. If he was good at coming up with ideas he wouldn't need a list. However, there were gifts I had to smile and thank him for that were so very far off the mark. It's a social thing with him, not a lack of trying or understanding me. It's just a skill he doesn't have.

[J-rap]

I email mine a direct link to ordering one. 

[Ausmumof3]

Have you seen Storiarts.com?

 

I bought myself a pair of 'My Secret Garden' writing gloves from there.

Yes they are gorgeous but a bit exy down here sadly.

[Spy Car]

I hate and despise the 'your order please' form of figuring out a good present.  To me that is just lazy.  A good present should reflect your deep and loving knowledge of the other person, derived from your relationship and observations.

 

Are you married to a man? :D

 

Bill

[KungFuPanda]

“You’re buying this for me today. It’s an early birthday present. You’re now off the hook for shopping but I still get to pick my birthday dinner.â€

 

This way we’re both happy. Dh couldn’t pick up a purse out of a lineup if we circled the mall let alone if he left and came back.

[KungFuPanda]

I hate and despise the 'your order please' form of figuring out a good present. To me that is just lazy. A good present should reflect your deep and loving knowledge of the other person, derived from your relationship and observations.

Blech! I agree with your theory for occasional spur of the moment gifts you may stumble across if you happen to be shopping. For the obligatory birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc gifts that are continuously coming up on the calendar it can be asking too much for someone to produce an inanimate object that is a perfect reflection of your soul. If you’re not wired to care about shopping and stuff this can be a torturous thing to ask.

[mamakelly]

Tell him. I like to email, it feels a bit more like a supriseâ€ish†that way, lol.

[Anne]

This thread cracks me up - my dh and I are so lame when it comes to gift giving - we are willing and generous, but usually about as creative as  rocks!    :lol: 

 

I guess we're well-matched!!

 

Anne

[Julie Smith]

If for some reason I can’t buy it myself. I am specific.

 

One year I emailed him, “... and for my birthday I would like the biggest puffiest computer chair available at X store. Regardless of price.â€

I then posted that reminder on the fridge, and by his desk at work.

 

He still didn’t get me one, because he couldn’t figure out which was the biggest and puffiest. ... he did admit he didn’t even go to the store. (Evil look)

[Word Nerd]

Last year DD sent me a PowerPoint presentation with her Christmas wish list, which included animation. :lol: I got the hint.

Edited November 7, 2017 by Word Nerd

[rose]

Everyone, this is kind of a joke-ish thread.

 

 

In that case...

 

Dh and I don't do gift giving anymore but if we did I would just stand in the store with puppy dog eyes and say, "This would make such a wonderful bday present. It would sure be wonderful if my caring dh would be able to take a hint." I seriously would do this. My dh and I are always teasing each other.

[Amber in SJ]

My gift hinting problem doesn't lie with me being unable to communicate. 

 

At our house we have the saga of the beach chair.  Every year for the past 12 years we have gone camping at the beach with a huge group of friends.  The first year I told dh, for my birthday I wanted a nice beach chair & umbrella like the other moms had.  He bought me a sand tent that a single beach chair could fit into.  It was "better," he said, but it wasn't because I couldn't sit next to my mom friends on the beach.  The next year I asked for a beach chair & an umbrella.  I got a beach chair with an attached umbrella that my kids call the cone of silence because the umbrella comes down around the chair.  It had all kinds of parts that popped up & folded out so it was "better."  For a third year in a row I asked for a beach chair and an umbrella and I got a beach chair but the umbrella was more of a pop up shack with flapping sides that also isolated me from everyone else.  By the fourth year I ordered the beach chair & umbrella I wanted and asked for a birthstone ring that I could year with my usual jeans or yoga pants style.  I got a ring that looks like Captain America's shield & can be used to signal the ISS.

 

Now I send links and say here is my etsy wish list, here is my amazon wish list and so on.  

 

Amber in SJ

[bettyandbob]

I haven't read.

 

I have to tell my dh specifically. No hints. When we were first married a month before Christmas I showed dh a picture in a catalog and said "I really like this dress." I showed the picture multiple times over the next couple of weeks and told him my size. Then on Christmas Eve dh came to me and said he was sorry, but he had not been able to think of anything to get me for Christmas. I later asked about the picture I kept showing him. He was surprised I wanted it. He thought I just liked showing him pictures.

 

So now I'm specific. I want X in size___ and color _____ .

[Guest]

I would love a thoughtful gift and I’ve gotten a few. Mostly I get jewelry or sweaters (generic female gifts). If there is something I want, I just tell him or buy it myself. Oh well. I’m sure he has complaints about me as well, although I can’t imagine what?!?

[teachermom2834]

Even if my dh got the hint he would never ever get the urgency of buying it while it was available/ on sale. He would probably think "oh. I know exactly what I am getting her." and then wait until Dec 24. And be shocked. SHOCKED when the one I wanted was no longer there.

 

Yeah...been down this road a few times.

[Carol in Cal.]

Even if my dh got the hint he would never ever get the urgency of buying it while it was available/ on sale. He would probably think "oh. I know exactly what I am getting her." and then wait until Dec 24. And be shocked. SHOCKED when the one I wanted was no longer there.

 

Yeah...been down this road a few times.

 

When I first met my husband, he was incapable of getting presents before 12/23.  He needed that panicky feeling in the pit of his stomach to be able to figure out what to buy at all. 

 

But he hasn't done that in a long time.  Progress!

[Liz CA]

Are you married to a man? :D

 

Bill

 

Pay attention, Bill! The things you learn here could revolutionize your relationships. :)

[Seeking Squirrels]

I would say it, take a picture of it, and send pic along with written detailed description of the item in text to DH. When he makes a shopping list he includes brand, style/type, flavor... every. detail. Vague, subtle, and "remember" don't work for him. We use Amazon wish lists a lot. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I hate and despise the 'your order please' form of figuring out a good present.  To me that is just lazy.  A good present should reflect your deep and loving knowledge of the other person, derived from your relationship and observations.

 

 It's not that for most people, so unless he's just like you in that way, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.  Sorry, but not everyone romanticizes gift giving in such a way.  I would say it's the rare person who does that.

 

[HS Mom in NC]

I have an Amazon wish list for Christmas.  The rest of the year my husband usually comes to me and say, "When the kids ask me what we should get your for Mother's Day/Birthday what should I tell them?"  Then one of my kids says to me, "When dad asks what we should get you for Mother's Day/Birthday what should I tell him?" Those would be the years I don't announce it a couple of weeks before,  "You should get me ____________________ for Mother's Day/Birthday."  I tell them they're welcome to go off list, but none of us are creative gift givers.

[El...]

My DH is a FANTASTIC gift-giver, really almost perfect.  He thinks of brilliant things.  Two Christmases ago, he got me an extra power cord for my laptop (among other things).  This meant that I didn't have to crawl under my desk all the time to move the cord to the plug behind the couch; I could just move the laptop, plug in, and relax.  Really sweet, that he spent so much time thinking that through for me!  

 

I, however, suck at this.  Any tips to get better?  I've begun looking through his amazon shopping list.  

 

ETA:  You know what, I should make another thread, so as not to hijack.  

Edited November 7, 2017 by elroisees

[Tanaqui]

"Yo, this is what you're getting me for my birthday. I'd suggest you get it now, while it's still on sale. Thanks, sweetie."

 

I don't believe in hinting. LOL!

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

My DH is a FANTASTIC gift-giver, really almost perfect.  He thinks of brilliant things.  Two Christmases ago, he got me an extra power cord for my laptop (among other things).  This meant that I didn't have to crawl under my desk all the time to move the cord to the plug behind the couch; I could just move the laptop, plug in, and relax.  Really sweet, that he spent so much time thinking that through for me!  

 

I, however, suck at this.  Any tips to get better?  I've begun looking through his amazon shopping list.  

 

ETA:  You know what, I should make another thread, so as not to hijack.  

 

 

Do as I say, not as I do:

 

My kids and DH and other family members occasionally mention something, or I stumble across something, and I think, "Oh, that'd be perfect!" and then, what I SHOULD do, is immediately note that object in some kind of way: a dedicated page for gift ideas in a bullet journal, a dedicated note in my "notes" app or evernote app or onenote app.  Some obvious location.  I'm not buying for hundreds of people, so I could really input stuff as stream-of-consciousness, no need to organize on the spot.  Heck, I could just write on post-its and stick them all in my sock drawer until needed.  

 

I think most people are capable of picking out a special, meaningful gift.  They just aren't always capable 2 weeks out from a birthday or holiday- it's all about when inspiration strikes.  

[KungFuPanda]

Last year DD sent me a PowerPoint presentation with her Christmas wish list, which included animation. :lol: I got the hint.

My ds(17) made a Pinterest board with amazon links for me :-) How manybteen boys have pinterest???

[regentrude]

I think most people are capable of picking out a special, meaningful gift.  They just aren't always capable 2 weeks out from a birthday or holiday- it's all about when inspiration strikes.  

 

This - and also, when people have a lot of stuff, it becomes harder and harder to give them a great gift, because they already own what they need or want.

I love giving gifts. Sometimes, I have a great idea for DH and am so thrilled about it. At other times, I have absolutely no idea what the man could possibly need. He's the same way.

[gstharr]

Yesterday DH and I went on a rare trip to the mall.

I showed him a purse I adore.  It was at the Nordstrom Rack, so it was deeply discounted.

In my world, this would be a glorious opportunity to sneak back there and snatch up a surprise but sure to be welcome present, since my birthday is next month.

In his, I am not sure.

We will see.

 

 

Deja vu all over again.  I was in the mall this past Sunday with SO on my annual mall trip. She toyed with a purse for about 15 minutes. Even had me me pick out the nicest shade/color.  She decided it was too pricey.  I went back to the store yesterday and had it gift wrapped for upcoming birthday.  Wish it were deeply discounted though. 

[Heathermomster]

Deja vu all over again. I was in the mall this past Sunday with SO on my annual mall trip. She toyed with a purse for about 15 minutes. Even had me me pick out the nicest shade/color. She decided it was too pricey. I went back to the store yesterday and had it gift wrapped for upcoming birthday. Wish it were deeply discounted though.

Perfect! When DH does that for me, I call that guilt free shopping.

[sassenach]

I tell my kids. My youngest is especially good about communicating my requests to dh.

 

There was an episode of the middle where Frankie did that and it had us rolling.

[HS Mom in NC]

 

I think most people are capable of picking out a special, meaningful gift.  They just aren't always capable 2 weeks out from a birthday or holiday- it's all about when inspiration strikes.  

 

Nope.  Not all.  That all presupposes most people have the romanticized, meaningful view of stuff, that they want more stuff, and that they need more stuff.  The last time I got a meaningful gift my brother custom made a dragon's head for my kayak (requiring a highly specialized skill set and shared experience .)  Once, for Mother's Day, my kids did a photo shoot making all the Calvin faces from Calvin and Hobbes.  Lightening rarely strikes, so normalizing special, meaningful gifts is unreasonable and ignores the differences in people. I'm a minimalist trying to keep the flood of stuff out of my house because I don't want, need or like most stuff.  We're doing well and rarely have to do without things we want, and we don't want a lot of stuff. My husband has very little leisure time and when he has it he reads voraciously and watches a movie now and then.  He often doesn't know what kind of books he wants and will like so it's unreasonable to expect anyone else to know. Half the movies he starts he turns off within the first half hour because he doesn't like them. Same with my kids.  They don't know what they'll want and 2 of the 3 are always clearing out and paring down. Some people just don't love or symbolize inanimate objects. 

 

We vacation once every 5 years or so (my husband is a small business owner.) Taking trips together as gifts doesn't work either. And we don't like the same kind of vacations-he wants to sit and read a book and I want to DO something there I can't do at home.

[MaeFlowers]

I hate and despise the 'your order please' form of figuring out a good present. To me that is just lazy. A good present should reflect your deep and loving knowledge of the other person, derived from your relationship and observations.

I'll agree with you. Part of gift giving, to me, is showing the person that you are willing to put thought and energy into doing something for them. Even when I receive a gift that misses the mark, if I see that they tried, it makes me feel good that they thought so much about it.

 

I get the other side. I know people just want their loved ones to be happy. I get the frustration of buying gifts. That's why I would rather give certain people money or gift cards for places they love. But, I would still rather get no gift than tell you what I want.

 

To each their own.

[Carol in Cal.]

My DH is a FANTASTIC gift-giver, really almost perfect.  He thinks of brilliant things.  Two Christmases ago, he got me an extra power cord for my laptop (among other things).  This meant that I didn't have to crawl under my desk all the time to move the cord to the plug behind the couch; I could just move the laptop, plug in, and relax.  Really sweet, that he spent so much time thinking that through for me!  

 

I, however, suck at this.  Any tips to get better?  I've begun looking through his amazon shopping list.  

 

ETA:  You know what, I should make another thread, so as not to hijack.  

 

For me it is all about sitting quietly and thinking about the person and what they talk about or are interested in.  For instance, DH wears (nice) blue jeans to work, and back in the day when the coffee machine took coins and eating at the cafeteria required cash he would come home with change in his pockets.  At the end of the day he would dig it out and dump it onto his dresser or a table.  Every day.  Sometimes it would roll onto the floor, and he commented a few times that he wished he could find a nice shallow bowl with curved, lined sides that he could pour it into without making so much noise (he would seriously wake people up doing this), and get it back out or sorted easily.  So I hunted for one of those one year.

 

Or we would go to a craft fair and he would look through the leather wallets, commenting on what features he wanted that they didn't have, then sighing and continuing to use his torn up old but perfect one.  So I would hunt for one that had all the features he had ever mentioned.

 

Or I would notice that he really liked a pair of some specific shoes, and find them in another color he likes online.

 

Or a few times he mentioned that he really wanted a captains' decanter, the kind that is wide on the bottom, made out of clear glass.  I got him the exact perfectest one.  He loves it.  Ironically, he has NEVER used it because he doesn't have anything he wants to decant, but he wanted one and he has one, and I surprised him with something thoughtful so he is thrilled even though he doesn't use it.

 

Another technique is to go to a somewhat specialized or unique store and see what strikes me.  My grandfather was very tall and had a bad back.  He used a shoe horn to get his dress shoes on.  I ran across a shoe horn that had a very long handle, and it was easier for him to use plus it noticed what his habits were and upscaled them slightly--it was a perfect, thoughtful gift for him.  REI, Brighton, World Market, or Sharper Image are good chains for this, but even better IMO is going to a unique, 'one of' store.  For instance, about 45 minutes from my home is a store that sells meat eating plants (like Venus fly traps), fairy garden supplies, crazy garden decor, and terrarium supplies.  I can find ideas for lots of people there, and nothing that they could get anywhere else.  That's pretty special.

Edited November 7, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[goldberry]

"You know, I keep thinking about that purse I saw at X store and I really love it.  It would certainly make a lovely X present." wink wink

 

My DH loves it when he knows he got me something I really like.  It makes him happy.  I don't email, but I drop serious and very direct hints like the one above.

[Garga]

Do as I say, not as I do:

 

My kids and DH and other family members occasionally mention something, or I stumble across something, and I think, "Oh, that'd be perfect!" and then, what I SHOULD do, is immediately note that object in some kind of way: a dedicated page for gift ideas in a bullet journal, a dedicated note in my "notes" app or evernote app or onenote app.  Some obvious location.  I'm not buying for hundreds of people, so I could really input stuff as stream-of-consciousness, no need to organize on the spot.  Heck, I could just write on post-its and stick them all in my sock drawer until needed.  

 

I think most people are capable of picking out a special, meaningful gift.  They just aren't always capable 2 weeks out from a birthday or holiday- it's all about when inspiration strikes.

 

I do this. I immediately will buy it or put it on my notes app on the ipad or iphone. I have all sorts of ideas on those lists.

 

Some are only good for a year (you get it once and it's done) and others are ongoing--like I know who likes what specific brand of jelly beans. I can buy the beans at Eastertime and then give them to the person on their birthday in the fall, when the beans aren't available.

[flyingaway]

I just thanked God for my spouse who yesterday told me exactly what would be a great gift for him this year. I ordered it today. Merely reading about being expected to read signals and come up with something from my deep and loving knowledge was enough to stress me out.

[AFwife Claire]

I just thanked God for my spouse who yesterday told me exactly what would be a great gift for him this year. I ordered it today. Merely reading about being expected to read signals and come up with something from my deep and loving knowledge was enough to stress me out.

Seriously!!  These kind of threads pretty much give me a panic attack!  Gifts are so not my love language (nor my dh's), and I would *much* rather have something that I find very useful, like Lanny said above.  

 

All these ways to be a better gift giver assume you have tons of time to go to specialty shops and search around for special things.  I have 10 kids, teach all the high school and junior high science classes at our co-op, and avoid shopping like the plague.  Even spending hours on the internet is simply not possible. 

 

Honestly, one of my biggest fears is that one of my sons will marry someone whose love language is gifts, and I will forever feel like a giant failure because I'm not able to find her the perfect gift.  And when I think about all the grandchildren we will most likely have-- :ohmy:  :svengo:

[PeterPan]

Go back, buy the purse, show him what he bought you. ;)

[Zinnia]

My dh used to be so good at it. When we started having a tighter budget, and I would suggest a price range, it was like he then couldn't pick put a present to save his life. His answer to not finding the perfect thing is to give nothing. I buy myself presents, but it's not the same.

 

My dad is the best gift giver ever, ever. My dh is lucky that he picks up the slack so well

Edited November 7, 2017 by Zinnia

[solascriptura]

I would proceed to buy it myself with our money (joint accounts here) and then show him and say, “thanks Honey! I love it!†Haha. I’ve done this many times. We’ve been married too long to beat around the bush and then feel badly when the other person doesn’t pick up the signals.

[Carol in Cal.]

Well, if I would feel badly if I didn't get it, I'd just go buy it myself.

But as it stands, I won't feel badly if I don't, but I'll be tickled to death if I do. 

So it's all good. 

[lmrich]

I have to email him with a link to an item on Amazon. He is not a good gift-giver. He does the dishes so  :hurray:

[Bambam]

I gave up years ago. I just buy my own gifts and then show him what he bought me. It works better.

 

Who would think to get their wife a lawn mower for Christmas? Or an electric nail file? I do a much better job selecting appropriate gifts. Eases the burden on him too because he never has any idea of what to get me!

 

[Baseball mom]

I use to buy my gifts, hand it to him and say, this is from you to me but you need to wrap it.

 

Now I "mention/point out" things in front of ds2 and say "oooh I like that!". Then he tells dh.

 

Or I just tell dh, "hey I like that and it would be good Christmas present"

 

Dh is not good with gifting. Point blank telling him makes him happy.

[Spy Car]

Pay attention, Bill! The things you learn here could revolutionize your relationships. :)

 

I only have one. I intend to keep it that way :D

 

Bill