JWSJ Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 If your husband said he wanted to be a SAHD and take over homeschooling, would you work outside the home (in a breadwinner role)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I have the career that would earn more money, though not a huge amount more, and I already work part time. I think my boys need their dad and I think it would be a good thing for them. He'd be an awesome teacher. Wah! I'd really miss the time with them though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I voted yes, but I wouldn't necessarily put the exclamation point after it. In fact, although our kids are in public school now, my husband is the primary parent for our preschooler during the day. There are things I like about each role, but the truth of the matter is that I have a career I enjoy and DH does not. (He can earn more than I can, but he is not as happy working for a corporation as I am.) And he is a better baby/toddler parent than I am--not to mention cook. So we find it works best for each of us to play to our strengths. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanie Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I voted no, but only because we've already tried that. Nobody was happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Although I run out of patience with the kids sometimes, my poor dh, lovely man that he is, could not stay home with them all day every day. He and I both know it and so we're happy with our roles where they are. Plus, he has the college degree and the job that pays well enough for me to stay home. I'd have to work at McDonald's... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bee Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Well, dh is a SAHD.I am the primary hsing parent though.Dh is supervises the children when I have other commitments but since I was the one who wants to homeschool he is generally willing to let me do it the way I want.If I decided to send the children to school tomorrow he'd be okay with that too.(Dh is the parent who always knows if one of the children is sick before they know it.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PariSarah Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Depending on the kind of job I get after graduation, this may very well be our reality. It may be that dh works part-time as a pastor while I work full-time as a professor; he would be the primary parent and home educator (if we were still homeschooling) in that situation. Frankly, though, I wouldn't be so sanguine about it if dh hadn't had 10 years of practice. I may be the one to have a better idea about what needs to be done, but we've both been doing it for the last ten, twelve years. I wouldn't feel (as) comfortable if we'd had the "traditional" family set-up, just switching roles and expecting everything to go smoothly. Being a full-time parent takes practice--it takes skills and habits that are alien to someone who's only been a full-time wage-earner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 No! All I ever wanted to be was a full-time Mom. I feel like I am fulfilling the role I was made for and I would never give it up. I try to enjoy every moment that I can because I don't think I'll ever find a place that fits me better than this. My husband is a wonderful father, but he is happy with his work and what he does in our family. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I voted other. I KNOW my dh would be a better SAHD, my house would be spotless, dinner would be planned, and we might get some of that put off remodeling done. However, he would not make a better teacher. That is my realm. I would love if he were able to stay at home and us still have income, ds would love having us both home during the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I'm a maybe. If I had the opportunity to take a job I would actually enjoy doing for 40 hours a week (+/-) and knew that my kids wouldn't have to sacrifice for it, I would definitely consider it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Other - he'd never ask - but if we had to do it that way i would. I can't make as much $$ as him in this area though, i'd need commute to Orlando. He has no patience for staying home with the kids though. He's good with them - just after work and way ready to be gone from teh chaos they are by Monday. Sooo, it would never be something that came up around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Academy of Jedi Arts Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 You left off the yes answer with 1000 exclamation points after it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 No. That's not what I signed up for. Before we got married, my dh and I agreed that I would stay home with the children and homeschool them. I would not have built the family I have now had that not been the deal. I would go to work if my family's survival depended on it, but not just because my husband changed his mind about wanting to stay home. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I answered "maybe". I am capable of being the breadwinner. DH is not capable of homeschooling or household management. He'd have to prove he could and would do the work before I'd relinquish my job to him. RC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I said, "no," but it's not because I have any objection in general to the "role reversal." In fact, when my husband and I were first together, I was the primary breadwinner, and it didn't bother either of us. And a few years ago, my husband was unemployed for several months. So, he was home with the kids while I worked as many hours as I could scrounge at my "part-time" job. However, my husband will be the first to tell you he's not a teacher. He doesn't like that role and isn't particularly good at it. Nor is he, as he would also be happy to tell you, as patient or hands-on a parent as I am. And, frankly, although I had a "successful career," I never cared terribly much about work. Nor was I as good at getting ahead and maximizing my earning opportunities as my husband has become. So, in our specific situation, it works better for me to be the one at home, and we both know that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I don't like voting "Other," but I really couldn't choose any other answer here. I can't imagine dh ever saying that, because he is very happy with the job I do homeschooling the kids. I know that he thinks my homeschooling them is what's best for them. On the other hand, he *could* do it, and do a good job too. If he really, really wanted to, we'd be at a draw, because I really want to, too. So since we both could do it, and we'd both want to, I don't know how we would decide. We'd probably have to look to other factors, such as which one of us could make more money to support the family-- which is definitely him. So it's hard to envision a scenario where dh would be the one staying home and homeschooling, and I'd be working. Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 It wouldn't work for us. I'm too worn out to go back to what I used to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 My dh wants me to do that right now. He thinks its an easy job and wants me to go out and suffer in the workplace. I'd do it but I don't have the earning power he does and I hate my degree. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I said, "maybe." I don't have the earning capacity that dh has, so there would have to be extenuating circumstances. When he is home, the house is picked up, the laundry is done, the kitchen is clean.... but he doesn't do much with the kids. I know he's an excellent teacher, and I have no doubt he'd teach the kids to the best of his ability. It would be quite a transition for him though. I love the kids and I'm a good teacher but I'm not a particularly good housekeeper. Dh is good at whatever he does. I know he'd make the best of being at home. I don't think either of us would prefer that, but we'd do what we needed to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I voted no. It's almost funny to imagine that happening, actually. We are exactly where each of us feels we should be. He feels I am far more qualified to do the homeschooling and the mommy stuff. He also hates being cooped up in a house while I love it (he has an outside job). We also feel I can be a better gatekeeper of the home (translated as keeper of the home by New Testament translators) if I'm actually the one home. My husband is also very happy with everything I do around here -- keeping his business books, domestic things, homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I said yes, but I am assuming that dh was serious. My earning capacity is much greater. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I said maybe. Right now we both work part-time, although I stay home much more and work less. I do pretty much all the schooling, since it's a small amount at this age anyway. Our plan is that one day dh will do some of the schooling. Recently he asked if he could do the planning for a few weeks and he did which was fun. My career has much more earning power than his so from a purely financial standpoint it would make more sense for him to stay home but we both like it this way better. I have no desire to go back full-time but I could envision circumstances where it would make the most sense for my family. He would be a great teacher so the schooling part would be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iquilt Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I voted "maybe" because I'd be happy to trade places for a bit except that our standard of living would plummet so the reason for the switch would have to be more than just a "whim" to try something new for a bit. He is a very hands-on dad who is there as much as possible for a small-business owner; he has a flexible schedule that allows him to be around in the mornings but works past bed-time most nights (another good reason for our homeschool). He used to say he'd be thrilled to stay home with the kids, but since we started homeschooling a few years ago he admits he'd much rather support our journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey in TX Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 When the time is right and DH needs me to contribute to household income then I will return to the workforce. Currently we are all enjoying my position as SAHM and home educator. Hopefully this can continue for at least 3 more years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I would be so much better at that then at being a housewife! I would hate to leave my kids, but my DH would have all of the household responsibility and I would feel accomplished at my job. I would at least try it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I voted 'other'. DH is EXCELLENT with the girls. They adore him. BUT, I do not have his earning capacity. I MIGHT be able to earn 25-30% of his wages. And I am not really cut out for the workforce. SO it would have to be a matter of NECESSITY. (SP?!?) It would have to be a catastrophic type of thing. If he lost his job and was not able to find anther (doubtful--he's in computers) or a catastrophic illness type of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I answered "maybe". I am capable of being the breadwinner. DH is not capable of homeschooling or household management. He'd have to prove he could and would do the work before I'd relinquish my job to him. RC To be fair, I'm really not skilled enough to provide for a family of 6 right now, and dh is in no way prepared to run the house/school right now, but I based my "maybe" answer on ideal pay and ideal SAHD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 No way, no how. I love being home with my kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 No. My husband adores his kids, but we both know that he is just not suited to stay home! And, I'm a librarian while he is running a small company. I couldn't support children on my pay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gailmegan Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I voted maybe. I would not go back to work full time with a nursing infant, so this wouldn't be an option for me anytime soon. But once the babe is weaned or just nursing morning and night than I would be willing to give it a try. Before kids when dh and I were both working, I made more money and had better benefits. And I left my job on very good terms, so I'm pretty sure I could go back (the company has 11,000 employees, so I'm sure they could find a spot for me. LOL) My only fear would be dh's temperament. He isn't as patient as I. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 actually my dh would love to do it but he makes a lot more than I would if I went back to work full time. I did put yes down. If I would make more than him he would stay home and love it. However that won't happen. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadiegirl Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 In my case, I don't think that my husband would quit his day job and offer to do what I do. I know that after a week or two of seeing what is involved with being a SAHM. He sees the lighter side many times. I also know he enjoys being out and having his flexible time that his job allows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jubilee Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 If your husband said he wanted to be a SAHD and take over homeschooling, would you work outside the home (in a breadwinner role)? I worked while my husband was in college. At one point we were both working. I was commuting 60+ miles a day. For six months I prayed to the Lord for a way that I would be able to stay home with our children (2 at the time). My dh was offered a full-time position/promotion around the same time I was laid off. I have been home ever since. My dh enjoys working and earning an income to support his family. I think back on those six months of my life and appreciate even the hard times that come with being a SAHM. This works for our family. I also find it that much more important to spend time with like-minded families who share the same values and goals. It is very important to have encouragment, virtual or IRL:lol: Thank you for listening! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Never! I have been planning to be a full time SAHM mom since I was 5 years old (don't believe me check my baby book ;) ) Even when they drive me over the flipping edge some days I would never give it up to be the family breadwinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Not unless I had to. This was our plan before we got married and we're both comfortable with it. Also, I haven't finished my degree yet and can make less than half of what DH makes. I do hope to finish my education and go back to work someday, but probably not until the kids are moved out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Well, my dh wouldn't say that LOL! But we did consider doing this early last year when he was unemployed for the 3rd time in 3 years. But then he ended up finding a very good job for him and I only worked PT. He is better at keeping the dc on track in general, but does not feel able to provide/supervise their homeschooling, and we are committed to not putting them in school, so that pretty much means that I need to be home. Once my baby is older, I wouldn't mind working in the evenings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I said no. My dh is wonderful father, but ... I'm much better with the kids all day. And yes, we've been there so I'm not making assumptions. If my dh were the stay at home parent, he would not be homeschooling. He's even said he wouldn't do it if it were totally up to him although he fully supports me doing it. No, I'm the better one to be with the kids day in and day out. However, there is nothing we would love better than to both be home together. It's a dream of ours that someday he would be able to work from home or maybe just retire early :D. He loves being home and with his girls, but we work well together and complement one another. Of course, if dh were out of work and I had a job offer, I would take it. But that's a different story. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I was the main breadwinner, too. I also put my dh through college. However, my dh has no interest in homeschooling. If something were to happen to me he'd put the kids in school hopefully private school. So, my answer would have to be no as well. I don't homeschool for me. I do it because it's the best option for my kids and they like it. Some days I'd rather have a clean house or a day off than homeschool. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I voted other because we did do this at one time before homeschooling. Way back when my now 19 year old was 3. My dh stayed home with him during the day, went to school full-time and worked part-time here and there. I worked full-time for 2.5 years. It worked for the time my dh was in school, but he really wasn't happy with it and neither was I. We both decided it was what it was when we needed it, but probably wouldn't do that again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 theoretically, yes, i'd do it. the reality is that he makes far more than i could presently though. i'd miss my little guys though:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Hum -- well, I didn't vote. . . yet. We have done that, though The Kid was in public school at the time and it didn't work too well. Sweetie left him pretty much to his own devices and the teachers waited until I was home to send notes and things (I was driving the truck). I'd do it now if my guys wanted to, but I don't think it would work any better this time than it did the last time. The Kid is older and working more on his own, though so . . . But Sweetie's been on the road for a long time now. If he wanted to come home and take a crack at being a SAHD, I'd be up for it -- though I don't think it would last long. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I can see it now. I would come home to a music jam and the kids would quote the Bible. The rest, well ??? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sagira Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Hmm.. as this is a hypothetical situation, I voted maybe.. as it depends on the circumstances. If dh all of a sudden didn't mind spending day in and day out with our two lovely children, if his business all of a sudden took off and he needs to stay at home. But then again, if his business took off I could stay home, YK? Thinking out loud here ;) I love being the primary teacher and I think would miss it. However, I do want to pursue a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology some day, and I'd rather dh be the primary teacher than a ps teacher. Dh is passionate and does his best in everything he does, and he cares about our children as much as I do, and he loves them very much. So.. Still maybe :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I told him I'd try and let him if we had a "change of life" baby. Not that either of us want anymore pregnancies happening here... :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay in Cal Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 My dh is a SAHD as well, and I do work. Now, my true preference these days would be for both of us to be at home full time, but not sure how that would be feasible... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamnkats Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 It wouldn't be my choice (and it isn't my choice - this is exactly where we are - I'm the WAHM and he is the SAHD) but it is our family's choice. Unfortunately, the homeschooling still falls on my shoulders because he can't handle it. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeanestMomInMidwest Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 I already work part time as a critical care RN. This past month my dh was on vacation (yes, for the whole month) so I picked up more shifts. He did the majority of the housework, hs'ing, and built me a beautiful deck. He is an intelligent, college-educated man. Loves our kids as much as I do, is just as committed to hs'ing as I am and very capable. I married a partner, and he remains a true partner, especially when it comes to our children. Sometimes when we are both home on days off, we "tag team" the kids and it works great. We tend to come at things from different angles (especially math) so the kids really benefit. I'm a little more organized than he is, but he always has his eye on the big picture. I think he would do great as a SAHD, and the children would continue to thrive just as they do with our current arrangement. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Unfortunately, the homeschooling still falls on my shoulders because he can't handle it. Sigh. Wow -- I hope you come home to a clean house and a fabulous meal. :) You are super mom! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Nestof3, you are a class act. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 I voted no simply because it would never happen. My husband went stir crazy a year ago when he was between jobs for a month. And that was with him having some contracted work to take some of his time. I also know that my kids do not enjoy their dad being teacher for the four days per year that he does it. I go on a retreat twice a year and leave them with a light school day. Add to those two problems is the fact that I don't do work very well. I have a hard time dealing with all the stupid office politics, especially when overt favoritism is being practiced as in my last job in 1999. I don't miss it, never want to go back. I'll do anything to avoid working at a job. Now if I can find a way to make money on my own (without a boss or coworkers), I'd consider that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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