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The no-hate LGBTQ support thread. (a JAWM if that isn't clear)

bibiche

By bibiche,
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bibiche

bibiche

Posted
Posted

Seems as if we need one. I didn't know any victims in the Orlando shooting, but if this were another time and another place I would have known plenty or been among them.

 

I personally know ( or rather, knew :( ) someone who was murdered because he was gay. I know countless people who have been rejected by their friends and families, beaten, harassed, insulted.

 

This thread is to celebrate the resilience of the LGBTQ community and heck, just to celebrate that community in general. My LGBTQ friends and family are kind, loving, complicated people just like everyone else. But I would hazard a guess that most of them are more compassionate because every. single. one has put up with varying degrees of BS from people outside their community.

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bibiche

bibiche

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Thank you, I appreciate your sympathy. That murder was a long time ago, but murder because of sexual orientation is still happening, clearly. And I should clarify that while I have many friends and family members in the LGBTQ community, I myself am straight and can only glimpse the frustration and suffering that this community tolerates from obviously evil bigots and "well-meaning" save-the-sinner bigots alike.

Edited by bibiche
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Spryte

Spryte

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Posted (edited)

((Hugs))

 

I can't even begin to write how this has affected me, my family, my loved ones, and my longest family-like friendships. It's heartbreaking. We are grieving for the present and the past.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, years ago. Grief is real, and comes back to hurt afresh, just as deeply, even years later.

 

(Edited, for raw painful reasons)

 

I can't say any more, write any more right now.

 

My heart aches.

 

Edited for typos. Excuse any that I missed, please.

Edited by Spryte
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Guest

Guest

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I was watching a news report on the shooting, but I had to change it as a mother was sharing her son's last texts to her from inside the bathroom at Pulse. That is just stabbing pain to contemplate. That poor woman, her son torn from her while she could do nothing.

 

I wish I had magic. :(

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fraidycat

fraidycat

Posted
Posted (edited)

Seems as if we need one. I didn't know any victims in the Orlando shooting, but if this were another time and another place I would have known plenty or been among them.

 

I personally know ( or rather, knew :( ) someone who was murdered because he was gay. I know countless people who have been rejected by their friends and families, beaten, harassed, insulted.

 

This thread is to celebrate the resilience of the LGBTQ community and heck, just to celebrate that community in general. My LGBTQ friends and family are kind, loving, complicated people just like everyone else. But I would hazard a guess that most of them are more compassionate because every. single. one has put up with varying degrees of BS from people outside their community.

((Hugs))

 

I can't even begin to write how this has affected me, my family, my loved ones, and my longest family-like friendships. It's heartbreaking. We are grieving for the present and the past.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, years ago. Grief is real, and comes back to hurt afresh, just as deeply, even years later.

 

I, too, am haunted by a murder that occurred because my friend was gay. I shrivel inside every time I think of his last moments, and what he lived through in the weeks before it happened, the fear and terror. He knew it was going to happen, we lived in an extremely hostile area, for him. He was continually harassed by the same people, and - rightly - feared for his life. The tragedy that took him could have been prevented. Should have. Those people should never have felt they could punish him for living in a way they found ...[i'm not going to repeat the words they painted on the walls of his apartment]. He was killed by people who were Christians, not Muslim, not terrorists. It was a hate crime. In the mid-south. A normal city. ...and this was 20 years ago.

 

Like you, I have spent a lot of my adult life in gay clubs. Yes, they were safe spaces. But often just walking into them felt unsafe. Catcalls. Comments yelled, rude gestures. The police officer who routinely waited outside, periodically pulling young guys into his car and asking for a specific "favor" or telling them he'd arrest them for [insert made up charge]. I could go on. But it's not news to anyone.

 

I can't say any more, write any more right now.

 

My heart aches.

 

Edited for typos. Excuse any that I missed, please.

Liking these doesn't feel right.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to both of you.

Edited by fraidycat
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SemiSweet

SemiSweet

Posted
Posted

:grouphug:

 

I spent most of yesterday crying on and off. I read the other thread and the comments in various places. I'm so heartsick. People's denial about cultural influences just boggles my mind.

 

My dad came out when I was 9, about 27 years ago and I remember fearing for his life. One of my very first jobs was at a chain sandwich shop about 5 blocks from my house and a gay bar that my dad frequented. My coworker once told me that he and his buddies enjoyed going gay bashing there. I'm sure that would get a guy fired now but he was just moved to a different shift when I complained.

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fraidycat

fraidycat

Posted
Posted

:grouphug:

 

I spent most of yesterday crying on and off. I read the other thread and the comments in various places. I'm so heartsick. People's denial about cultural influences just boggles my mind.

 

My dad came out when I was 9, about 27 years ago and I remember fearing for his life. One of my very first jobs was at a chain sandwich shop about 5 blocks from my house and a gay bar that my dad frequented. My coworker once told me that he and his buddies enjoyed going gay bashing there. I'm sure that would get a guy fired now but he was just moved to a different shift when I complained.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

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Xuzi

Xuzi

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Posted

I don't have LGBT friends or LGBT family members, so I can't claim to feel anywhere near the same level of pain and heartache as those in this thread, but I just wanted to post and let you know that I'm thinking of you all, and praying and hoping that I may have more opportunities in the future to extend kindness to LGBT persons I may encounter. I hope I can be someone they feel safe with.

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Laura Corin

Laura Corin

Posted
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I don't have LGBT friends or LGBT family members, so I can't claim to feel anywhere near the same level of pain and heartache as those in this thread, but I just wanted to post and let you know that I'm thinking of you all, and praying and hoping that I may have more opportunities in the future to extend kindness to LGBT persons I may encounter. I hope I can be someone they feel safe with.

 

You will probably know LGBT people who have not come out.  If you express your acceptance of LGBT people in the normal course of your life, you will be doing a lot to help us feel safe.

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Joules

Joules

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Posted

Seems as if we need one. I didn't know any victims in the Orlando shooting, but if this were another time and another place I would have known plenty or been among them.

 

I personally know ( or rather, knew :( ) someone who was murdered because he was gay. I know countless people who have been rejected by their friends and families, beaten, harassed, insulted.

 

This thread is to celebrate the resilience of the LGBTQ community and heck, just to celebrate that community in general. My LGBTQ friends and family are kind, loving, complicated people just like everyone else. But I would hazard a guess that most of them are more compassionate because every. single. one has put up with varying degrees of BS from people outside their community.

 

Here's one to celebrate resilience.  I heard Eddie's story on the way home today.  He made me cry and smile:

http://www.npr.org/2016/06/14/482055708/orlando-shooting-survivor-volunteers-as-translator-for-victims-families

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Slojo

Slojo

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Hugs to all of you. I am just heartsick that there are those who are trying to deny the realities that LGBT folks have to face everyday, and are specifically trying to erase them from their own experiences. Praying for love, peace... and rainbows!

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The Girls' Mom

The Girls' Mom

Posted
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It is truly heart-wrenching to hear about the families that have had their loved ones ripped from them :(  

 

My dd has a trans friend that we have feared for greatly over the past 3-4 years.  We live in a very unfriendly area for the LGBTQ community.  My daughter walked with her friend every day from the library to where they volunteered because her friend's mother feared an attack.  They were still verbally harassed on occasion.  This is small town USA.  

 

I'm sickened by how many skipped respect for the dead and their families, skipped mourning as a nation, and went straight into politics and agenda pushing.  

 

Hugs and much love to all who are hurting.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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Heatherwith4

Heatherwith4

Posted
Posted

Love and hugs to all members of and loved ones of those in the LGBTQ community. I love you, and I am sorry for any hurt I have ever caused, or if I have ever done anything to contribute to the unsafe environment you all have had to put up with for too long. You can count on me to be an ally. :grouphug:

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Ravin

Ravin

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I've been avoiding looking at a lot of the stories about the people who were killed in the attack. It already feels too real. The last time violence somewhere hit me this hard, it was when I learned about the attack on the U.S.S. Cole when I stationed aboard a ship of the same class.

 

It's that feeling of there but for fortune go I. It's just awful.

 

I did see a piece about the young couple who are going to be buried together instead of getting married. The part of that story where the father spoke out and said he doesn't care what people think--that part of the story gives me hope. The world is changing. An act of hate like this doesn't go ignored any more, at least in this country. Life really is so much better for so many of us than it was 20 years ago when Orlando was my stomping grounds. 

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fraidycat

fraidycat

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I'm not huggy? Why am I not huggy?

 

I could use some hugs.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I'm at least 1 or 2 degrees of separation removed from The Pulse attack - disgusted and heartbroken, but I don't pretend to know what it feels like to be part of, or a parent of the group who was targeted. I can identify a little more closely, with a little less degree of separation, to your mention of the Cole. My DH was so close. His boat/fleet were the "first responders". They housed all the investigators so hung out right there in that port for a few weeks. Of course, at the time, all I knew was that he was "nearby".

 

:grouphug:

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freeindeed

freeindeed

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm so heartbroken and grieved over this horrific tragedy. Prayers for the families who lost loved ones, for those who survived the attack and will have to live with this fear each and every day, and for the souls of all of the victims.  :grouphug:

Edited by freeindeed
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JustEm

JustEm

Posted
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My FIL was gay. He married to cover it up and so there were marital problems though they stuck it out.

 

This pains me so much. So much loss. So much suffering.

 

I am weary, bone weary of the hate.

My fil is gay. He married my mil because that was the thing he was supposed to do. The day after dh and I eloped fil came to our house to tell dh they were separating. It took him another 2 years to come out to his family. He was so scared of everyone's reactions that he sent us all letters while he was away on vacation. Thankfully not a single member showed him anything aside from love and acceptance.

 

It hurts me to think that anyone has to hide who they are from the ones closest to them. I hurt for anyone who lives in fear of their lives or has to be subjected to harassment as a normal part of life.

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Jane in NC

Jane in NC

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Growing up, I was surrounded by families that looked like they were out of my Dick and Jane readers:  Mom, Dad and a gaggle of children.  The exception was my Mom's friend, Mrs. P, whom my Dad called "the divorcee". 

 

When I was 18 or so, I realized that two of the guys with whom I worked were gay.  I figured out a way to say that I supported who they are--and my world blossomed.

 

Today, I'm not sure I know a family that doesn't have some element of what was considered "abnormal" in my childhood:  mixed race couples, gay parents, single parents (gasp!)  My world is richer for all of this. We are not all carbon copies. (And writing that shows my age since most of you have probably never made a carbon copy on your Royal typewriter--but I digress.)

 

How can anyone be against love or happiness? 

 

I support good people everywhere.  (Insert rainbow smiley here.)

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tm919

tm919

Posted
Posted

*hugs* to everyone whom this tragedy has touched, whether directly or through fear and sadness.

 

Even within the past few years-- someone I knew committed suicide because the wrong people "found out." I hope the next generation will be better than ours and I do think it's possible for people to make a conscious decision not to pass on irrational prejudices. Someone near and dear to me hated and feared LGBT..  but when he had kids, he changed. He raised them differently because he consciously said,  "I don't want them to be like me. It's not a good way to be." And his kids AREN'T like him, they don't have that fear and hate.

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Joker

Joker

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I'm supposed to take dd to her youth group Friday. This is a youth group only for non straight teens and their allies. I'm a bit scared. Everyone in the downtown area knows who this building houses. It is a safe place for these teens to hang out and just be who they are. It's important for dd to be there and with them this week but I'm scared. I will take her but I will worry.

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JanetC

JanetC

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Posted

Hugs, Joker.

Hugs to everyone. Love and light.

There are no words to make the hurt and fear and pain go away.

Everything I've tried to type in this thread seems so inadequate.

But, love and light and hugs to everyone in the darkness right now.

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

I'm supposed to take dd to her youth group Friday. This is a youth group only for non straight teens and their allies. I'm a bit scared. Everyone in the downtown area knows who this building houses. It is a safe place for these teens to hang out and just be who they are. It's important for dd to be there and with them this week but I'm scared. I will take her but I will worry.

I'm praying for their safety and peace. Hugs to each of them and their families, who I'm sure are frightened for their children just as you are for yours :(

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Joker

Joker

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I'm praying for their safety and peace. Hugs to each of them and their families, who I'm sure are frightened for their children just as you are for yours :(

Thank you. We don't often agree but I believe in prayer and welcome it, especially now.

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