S/O How does your husband feel about how you look?

[moonsong]

The how do you view yourself thread got me to thinking. I'm overweight and don't like it.  I know my husband wished I was thinner. I wish I looked good for him. For those of you who are overweight. How does your husband view you?

[SemiSweet]

My husband has seen me range from 155 (thin-ish for me and my preferred weight) to 235 (9 months pregnant). I have never noticed any difference in the way he appears to see me. He still wants lots of alone time, still compliments me, and always makes me feel like the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. Not once has he ever implied that he'd like me to lose weight, in fact he joins right on in, whether I'm gaining or losing haha, though being active duty military he has to maintain some fitness.

[Catwoman]

Just because you're overweight doesn't mean you aren't still beautiful. :)

[Guest]

My husband married me when I was 5'1 and 240-ish pounds - so he definitely can deal with fat me. There's absolutely no denying that 145 pound me was a whole lot sexier but that's okay too.

 

Size changes (I've been heavier than that and am back above my low weight by quite a bit. Boo!) and I want to get back down to that range again now that my health has settled, but the older I get the more I realize my confidence and care with my appearance makes as much a difference to him as the weight. When I own it and feel great about my body, even if it is a fake it til I make it situation, he responds to that. When I'm tugging at my clothes or rolled out of bed and feel half asleep and frazzled that subtly affects how we interact in terms of flirting and such. And I actually think much of it is me and my discomfort or awkwardness about my appearance than him judging me. He responds to my vitality and confidence - that has made a difference at any size.

 

Both of us want me back down in weight - life is just easier and healthier as a size 8 instead of an 18 or 24 and the things I enjoy doing are so effortless with 100 less pounds to lug around. However my husband has found me attractive on both sides of the scale. I'd say we both prefer the smaller sized me but confidence and self care make a bigger difference in his response to my appearance than any one feature, including size.

 

Clear as mud?

Edited December 23, 2015 by Arctic Mama

[creekland]

My guy doesn't care - never has.  Neither of us care about looks.  We love being with each other and doing things together.  If one of us were to quit doing that, then we'd have a problem.  Our love language is time.  ;)  His used to be verbal and touch (it still is), but he's morphed into being a time lover just as I am.

 

 

[DesertBlossom]

Even with 6 pregnancies and fluctuating weight, DH has never said anything negative to me. Even when I feel gross and unattractive, he makes me believe he's still wild about me. And even when I try to (jokingly) trap him into admitting I'm not all that sexy, he manages a pretty awesome compliment.

[Spy Car]

My wife is one of the world's great beauties.

 

Don't hate me :D

 

Bill 

 

 

[Catwoman]

My wife is one of the world's great beauties.

 

Don't hate me :D

 

Bill

How could we hate a guy who is obviously one of the world's great husbands? :hurray:

[Guest]

Even with 6 pregnancies and fluctuating weight, DH has never said anything negative to me. Even when I feel gross and unattractive, he makes me believe he's still wild about me. And even when I try to (jokingly) trap him into admitting I'm not all that sexy, he manages a pretty awesome compliment.

Doesn't that make such a difference!? My husband won't admit to anything, I have to read really hard into his nonverbal communication to see a difference, because he is always huuugely supportive and complimentary of me. And in a genuine way. I think I've eked constructive criticism or opinions on my looks beyond "that one is my *favorite" three times since we married :rofl:

[snickerplum]

I've known my Dh since I was 17. He's seen me anywhere between 115 and 200 (4th pregnancy). Right now I'd like to loose about 65-70 lbs. He's never once told me to lose weight. When I get hard on myself he'll say, "you've always been beautiful and I'll always think you are. Don't go losing weight for me." Yeah. I've got a good one. :-)

I grew up with a dad who thought beauty = thin, so sometimes it's hard to believe Dh. But I know he's telling me the truth.

I think he wouldn't mind if I wore shorter skirts or dresses, but he doesn't complain. He just compliments when I wear those things. I'm way more comfortable in long skirts and dresses, I leave the shorter ones for special occasions.

He doesn't care how I wear my hair. At all. I asked. :-) So I just wear it/cut it how I like. He also doesn't seem to notice if I am or am not wearing makeup. I wear it because I like to.

I'm much harder on myself than I should be probably. But aren't we our own worst critic?

[Shellydon]

My husband prefers, "Please don't let yourself go."  He does understand that I will never be a size 0 again and is okay with that.  If I were significantly overweight, he'd be very unhappy.

[Guest]

Uhh pragmatic first (one person for.ev.er) and then leaning heavily toward "I am very attracted to you" so "don't let yourself go*."

 

Though perhaps I am projecting b/c that's how I feel about the way *he* looks.

 

*defined differently for everyone and extremely subjective, no doubt.

[Joker]

I've gained 80 pounds since we married. Dh still looks the same. He also is still very happy with me. I did get down on myself recently and it upset him and he said some pretty awesome things. He honestly doesn't seem to care. If I was actually unhealthy, maybe it would be different but just being overweight isn't an issue.

 

Of course, this is the man who has always said one of the things he loves about me is that I've always been extremely low maintenance and non caring about appearance. I rarely wear makeup, wear mostly jeans and tees, and am wash and go with my hair. Those things may change if I start showing my age more but I'm hitting 40 and still look rather young.

[Sneezyone]

DH prefers me active at 145 to loungy at 175 but I've noticed absolutely no change in his libido so, yeah, I'm not worried. At all.

[Audrey]

The how do you view yourself thread got me to thinking. I'm overweight and don't like it.  I know my husband wished I was thinner. I wish I looked good for him. For those of you who are overweight. How does your husband view you?

 

 

I've said on the other thread that there were many times I've been called an Amazon in a not kindly manner.

 

My husband thinks I'm "his Amazon goddess." He says exactly that.  I do nothing to argue with his stance on this issue.  He can think that all he wants.  :D

 

FWIW, he met me when I was at my heaviest and he never indicated he was unhappy with my weight.  When I lost the weight, he was supportive, but also concerned for my health along that journey.  I don't think my weight coloured his perception of my looks.  If it did, he's never given any hint that it did.

Edited December 23, 2015 by Audrey

[Audrey]

My wife is one of the world's great beauties.

 

Don't hate me :D

 

Bill 

 

 

No hate, of course. :)

 

Genuine question, though: 

 

A lot of women put a great emphasis on their weight/size as a measure of their beauty.  I see this all the time, and certainly you can see the theme in this and other threads.  This is not to ask you to divulge statistics about your wife, but to ask your thoughts on that issue.  As a man and a husband, do you think about your wife's weight/size as a correlation to her beauty?  Is it a factor for you in any way? 

[MaeFlowers]

DH tells me that I'm beautiful and pretty all the time. He says he doesn't care if I wear sweats everyday and that I don't need make-up (which is good because I never wear it.)

 

I don't believe it on either account. One, I don't think I'm beautiful. Two, he was raised you are always supposed to look your best. Three, he compliments me more when I wear anything girly. (Which actually makes me want to do it less.) Mixed messages.

[AimeeM]

I hope you don't mind me answering.

I'm not overweight - but my body has certainly changed over the years! My hips are fuller, my body is a softer, my stretch marks have multiplied, and while I'm not overweight, I don't foresee ever weighing 105 again :p

 

Where I see stretch marks and loose skin, he sees evidence of childbirth, which he finds beautiful. Where I see areas that could be toned, he sees a softer place for him to lay his head against. Where I see breasts that will never be perky again, he sees breasts that nursed his children.

 

I have many complaints about my own appearance... but he has none. 

Edited December 23, 2015 by AimeeM

[Carpe]

My husband has seen me a number of weights in a 115lb range and he prefers me in the 2nd quintile of that range. He has never complained about the aesthetics of the higher weights, his worries are entirely health related.

[Slache]

I'm overweight but he's always thought I was the most beautiful woman to walk the face of the earth. I can't walk past him without getting my behind smacked and he kisses me constantly.

[KungFuPanda]

Meeting my husband at a young and impressionable age is probably the reason for my healthy self esteem. I've enjoyed 25 years of positive reinforcement. It's amazing. Everyone should have that.

 

ETA: I missed the part about being overweight. I've never been overweight, so I don't have that experience, but I doubt men obsess about it at the level most women do. I really think they like all varieties of body types. If they're well fed and get regular tea, most men are happy.

Edited December 23, 2015 by KungFuPanda

[gardenmom5]

dh and I are both overweight.  we'd both love to be thinner, and are working at it (more for health than looks).  but there are so many more important things to us.  He still tells me how pretty he thinks I am, and I know he loves and cherishes me for who I am. (after 33 years of marriage.)  that matters to him more than what the scale says.  or the wrinkles, or gray hair, or stretch marks, or caesarian scar (or other scars), etc.  those are all "souviners" of things we've gone through together and have added great depth to our relationship.

[Tap]

I have no idea what my husband thinks of me.  He isn't one to give compliments. He has maybe given me a compliment every couple of years, and they were in expected circumstances.  I really think I am invisible to him most of the time.  We are together because we never broke up, not due to some deep desire for each other.

 

I have asked him:

 

if he prefers I wear makeup or don't...he says he doesn't care either way, I just look different.

if he prefers long hair or short....he doesn't care.

if I am skinny thin or a bit more normal...he doesn't care

 

 

This is typical for dh. One night he picked me up from work to attend an event for his work. I was in my mid 30s, and wore a size 6. I took time to do my straighten my hair at work in the bathroom and apply fresh makeup.  I know I  didn't look frumpy. I shopped for several days to find a nice outfit that fit well. We would be walking in downtown in the PNW between high end restaurants and an after party, so I needed to be warm and bought a new coat.  It was Valentines week and I was dressed in white wool slacks and a beautiful trim fit, red satin blouse.  High healed boots and a calf length black dress coat. When he saw me walk up to him, my coat on my arm, his comment....oh, you bought a new coat.  That was it....... :confused1: Not even a canned answer of 'you look nice'. Nothing, all evening, he just noticed that I went shopping. 

Edited December 23, 2015 by Tap

[Melissa in Australia]

I am not beautiful

 

I am thinish

 

I know DH really finds overweight people very unattractive and would not be happy at all if I was really overweight.

[DawnM]

I have no idea what my husband thinks of me.  He isn't one to give compliments. He has maybe given me a compliment every couple of years, and they were in expected circumstances.  I really think I am invisible to him most of the time.  We are together because we never broke up, not due to some deep desire for each other.

 

I have asked him:

 

if he prefers I wear makeup or don't...he says he doesn't care either way, I just look different.

if he prefers long hair or short....he doesn't care.

if I am skinny thin or a bit more normal...he doesn't care

 

 

This is typical for dh. One night he picked me up from work to attend an event for his work. I was in my mid 30s, and wore a size 6. I took time to do my straighten my hair at work in the bathroom and apply fresh makeup.  I know I  didn't look frumpy. I shopped for several days to find a nice outfit that fit well. We would be walking in downtown in the PNW between high end restaurants and an after party, so I needed to be warm and bought a new coat.  It was Valentines week and I was dressed in white wool slacks and a beautiful trim fit, red satin blouse.  High healed boots and a calf length black dress coat. When he saw me walk up to him, my coat on my arm, his comment....oh, you bought a new coat.  That was it....... :confused1: Not even a canned answer of 'you look nice'. Nothing, all evening, he just noticed that I went shopping. 

 

Wait, are we married to the same man?

 

Dh would probably like me to lose a little weight (or a lot of weight as the case may be!) but he is pretty indifferent when it comes to hair, make up, clothing, etc....

 

He also doesn't compliment much.  It isn't because he is being rude or thinks badly, it is because it doesn't occur to him.  

 

We have a son with Aspergers and my husband sometimes displays signs of possibly having Aspie traits.

[marbel]

I am about 20 pounds overweight.  I'm sure my husband would like me to be thinner but he's not stupid so he's not going to complain about it.  I've fought my weight all my life.  He definitely does not make comments about what I eat or my lack of exercise.  He has gained and lost over the years too, and I don't say anything to him.

 

If one of us had obvious health issues it might be different.

 

As for prettiness, I am not pretty and never have been.  I know I looked good on our wedding day. (BTW I was 39.)  My face has not aged well; I knew it would not based on my mom's looks when she was older.  I have that permanent frowny look.  It's not attractive. 

[Lizzie in Ma]

My dh thinks I am beautiful.  I don't get it, but I adore him for it.

[luuknam]

The (fairly infrequent) comments about my weight seem to have stopped now that she outweighs me. So yeah, I know she'd rather that I weighed less (I gained 40+ lbs in our first year of marriage alone - having moved to TX probably didn't help), but she also doesn't care that much about (my) appearance in general (and, like a PP's husband, she does have Aspie traits as well).

[Heidi]

Dh prefers I have long hair. I just cut it short and it really hurt his feelings, apparently.

 

He is not big on compliments, but he says he finds me attractive. He, of course, prefers a tone, fit body, and mine is not, but he deals with it and doesn't complain.

 

He likes that I don't wear much make up, but he has been vocal that he would like me to take care of my appearance better via clothes and hair. I've been trying; I hate shopping and those things don't matter to me, but they do to him. He wants me to look nice and take care of myself, which certainly isn't unreasonable.

[SparklyUnicorn]

some of these posts are very depressing

 

 

[VaKim]

My DH is forever "coming on" to me, and tells me I am beautiful and sexy. We've been married 22 years. He seems to genuinely mean it. I have no idea why. 

 

I cannot imagine my DH ever saying anything negative about my clothes, hair, weight, etc. 

Edited December 23, 2015 by VaKim

[SparklyUnicorn]

My DH is forever "coming on" to me, and tells me I am beautiful and sexy. We've been married 22 years. He seems to genuinely mean it. I have no idea why. 

 

I cannot imagine my DH ever saying anything negative about my clothes, hair, weight, etc. 

 

Same here (except for us it has been 15 years). 

 

I cannot imagine him ever saying anything negative either.  I'm kinda floored by some of the posts in this thread.

[freesia]

Same here (except for us it has been 15 years).

 

I cannot imagine him ever saying anything negative either. I'm kinda floored by some of the posts in this thread.

I agree. Dh has always said I was beautiful even when I was 30 pounds heavier. i wish everyone had a dh like that. I hope I can raise my boys like that.

[Mom-ninja.]

I'm not the one with extra weight but dh is. It's not the weight really but being unfit that I don't like. So I would like him to lose the weight and be more fit. Doesn't mean I'm a shallow person. Doesn't mean I love him less. Fitness is a very big interest and hobby of mine and I wish we shared that. I find trim and fit attractive. However, I have also seen heavier people that are very attractive. There are overweight people that I find downright sexy and hot. 

 

I just would like it if dh was enthusiastic about working out and being physically active like I am. I would love to go running with him, lift weights with him, go hiking, etc. but he's not interested at all. It bothers me to see him lounge and veg out so much, but he gets up very early and has long commutes so I understand why he's tired. 

[rocassie]

My DH wants me (and himself too) to be healthy and active.  Not crazy active but we both love the outdoors -taking walks, hikes, bike rides, etc.  I could lose about 20-30lbs to be a healthier weight for my body, but he doesn't seem to mind the changes to my body over the years.  I know his preferences (although he does find a wide range attractive) lean towards soft and curvy, no makeup, and long dark hair.  However, he is one that if he likes your inner self (personality, character, interests), your outer self is a whole lot more attractive.

[JustEm]

I'm overweight but he's always thought I was the most beautiful woman to walk the face of the earth. I can't walk past him without getting my behind smacked and he kisses me constantly.

This is my dh as well. He finds me irresistible at any weight and he's seen me hold my weight at a wide variety of weights. He married me when I was 180(I'm only 5 foot 4) and quite active. Most of our marriage, 7 years, ive been 160. He helped me get to 135 for health reasons and has supported me as I slowly crept up to 220 after a 2nd trimester miscarriage and 2 full term births all back to back. Through all of that he's never changed how he speaks about my looks, how he looks at me, or how often he touches me. He is concerned about my health currently, as am I, so he will help me lose weight so I can be healthy for myself and my family.

[VeteranMom]

Never in a million years would my husband say anything about my weight.  I am overweight.  I was about 130 pounds when we married.  I am 180 now.  I know I am overweight and I'm sure he knows, too.  I haven't been in the best of health over the past few years and the weight crept on slowly.  I do know dh loves me and I'm sure he'd rather I resembled the person I was when we got married.  He still seems to enjoy my company and nothing has slowed down in the s*x department, so I can't be that disgusting to him.  

[73349]

.

Edited March 16, 2023 by 73349

[Wheres Toto]

He certainly acts like he finds me attractive so I think we're good.  :thumbup1:

 

I have changed A LOT since we got together.  Two kids in two years in your late 30's will do that.  I was 60 pounds lighter, fit and blonde when we got married.  Now I have my natural dark brown hair and I weigh a lot more.  Plus all those other things that happen when you spend 4 years straight nursing babies. 

 

I'm sure he wouldn't object if I did lose weight but I know he doesn't care about dressing nice or wearing make-up.  He actually likes a wife who can be casual and go fishing and camping with him.

 

Dh looks like Santa Claus.  Pretty much exactly how he looked when we got married except his beard changes periodically.

[Onceuponatime]

Dh has never told me to my face how he thinks I look, good or bad. He has made a couple of public remarks about " my beautiful wife" but I don't count those. When we were first married he told me he knew he would marry a girl with long brown hair like mine. Now my hair is graying and shorter. Once in a while he might say what I'm wearing looks nice, but not me. About twenty years ago, he told me to stop wearing a particular pair of shoes because they looked old and worn and he didn't want anyone to think he couldn't afford to let me get a new pair. It is what it is. I stopped being bothered by his apparent lack of enthusiasm regarding my looks a long time ago. He is kind, nice, funny, and means well. I think it would just confuse him if I complained about this now, after 33 years.

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

My DH thinks I'm beautiful and tells me so often. I'm not sure what he sees. He also encourages me to take time to shop for cute clothes, get my hair and nails done, and exercise - not that I do any of those things often. :-P I think the main reason he wants me to do those things is because he knows I'm not often happy with my appearance and he wants me to know that he's fine with me spending the time and money to work on it. I think he also wishes I shared his interest in fitness. I eat fairly healthy but not as well as he does and I don't exercise much. He works out 6 days a week. He's commented before that he would like it if we could work out together. I think he also would like me to eat better and exercise for health reasons as I tend to get tired easily and get sick more easily than the rest of the family. Of course, I'm sure he also wouldn't mind if taking care of myself also helped me lose weight, get fit, and look more put together. If only I could find the motivation to do it...

[Guest]

some of these posts are very depressing

I know, right?! My husband is getting a huge kiss just for being a moderately complimentary, low expectation, respectful human being. I'd deck some of these guys.

[kewb]

My dh thinks I am beautiful.

I wish I agreed with him.

[mom31257]

My dh thinks I'm beautiful and tells me so at any weight I've been. I lost 30 pounds last year and have kept it off, but I can't help but think he is glad. I would never know from him saying it, though.

 

I'm going gray, and he says he likes it. We've talked about how we are going to age. He thinks women really overrate skin, so that helps, too.

 

I think we are content to age however because we like each other. We went out for breakfast this morning, and I literally spit my coffee out (in the van after we left) at something funny dh said. We laughed even harder then!

[Tangerine]

He says something very specific that always makes me feel nice.  He says he loves "every inch of me", and that has persisted through times when I've had many many more inches to love.  He doesn't care about what I do with my hair.  I think confidence is a big thing for him, so if I were to shave my head he would be totally down with it because it would be super confident for me.  I have no desire to do that, but I guess it's good to know.  I know there is one area of my appearance where he has an opinion, and that is he would really like me to have tattoos.  He doesn't go around pressuring me to get some, I just know he'd be supportive, very enthusiastically supportive, were I to get some.

[Mimm]

My husband never compliments me. Ever. I know he loves me very much. He just doesn't think I'm pretty I guess. The first comment he made on my looks in at least a year, probably more, was a couple days ago. He said, "You should probably brush your hair." He doesn't even say mild things like, "You look nice tonight." It's a little depressing.

 

He doesn't compliment me in other ways either. He doesn't tell me I'm a good mother, or that I'm doing a good job with homeschooling, or that the house is looking better (been working hard on cleaning and organizing over this last year and the house is in much better shape... and I know he notices because he's neater than me and the condition of the house matters to him, but he doesn't mention it). He will compliment my cooking every once in a blue moon. Really, like a couple times a year, and frequently only when I've tried something new and have asked for feedback. But if I ask for feedback on something else, say I drew something, or sewed something, and I ask, "What do you think?" he'll just shrug. He doesn't consider himself qualified to give an expert opinion on art, so he won't even say, "Hey, looks cool."

 

He does a lot for me, and I very much appreciate it. His love language seems to be acts of service and because I'm always doing things for him, I think he feels happily loved. But my love language is definitely words and I'm starving over here. Yes, I've told him, and no, he won't change. So I try to focus on the good and be ok with that.