Melissa in Australia Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 today I had to take twins to large town 100 km away for their fortnightly psychologist appointment. As this is the closest town with a decent shopping center I also had to do shopping. The twins scream - a lot. they have had a very hard life before coming to me and have suffered extreme trauma so they have reasons to scream. This makes shopping ... loud. Today twin two ( the main screamer) was feeling very insecure and every time I was out of his sight ( like pushing the pram) he would start screaming 'where are you mummy' at the top of his voice. I kept reassuring him, etc and talking constantly so he would know I was there. a elderly man came up to the pram, lent over and said " your mother is right there, but if you keep screaming she will leave you forever" :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: I could not believe it. :svengo: Of course the twins had major meltdowns then. I said to the man that he had actually just said the worst possible thing as they are foster children. The man looked upset - hopefully he will not say such things to a child again. The rest of the day and the trip home was a nightmare. I am really hoping that the twins recover from this quickly as they already display great stress if I leave a room for a few seconds, thinking I have vanished. Months of therapy, social stories, etc undone in seconds by a total stranger's thoughtless comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Bloody hell. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Oh my lord.... I'd have given him an earful more than that, I think you showed restraint! Those poor kids. My prayers are with you.... Even my totally normal child would have had a bit of a fright at a stranger saying something as frightening as that. That is never, ever an appropriate threat. Oh I'm crying for those poor babies right now :( 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Wow, oh wow! I hope your babies forget what he said. I'm pretty sure he won't do it again! Hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 How awful! He should have stuck with giving you a nasty look. On not being able to see you, can you attach a mirror to the stroller and angle it rear view so they can look at you while you push. Would that be reassuring? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 :grouphug: I'm so sorry! Talk about being WAY out of line - for any child - and then considering their history. I like the pp's mirror thought. Any way you could rig that? I'm glad you're there for those kids. They need you! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Ugh. My (insert family member name here) is one who sometimes says stuff like that and then a microsecond later realizes that he is not clever, but an idiot. He is thoroughly upset and repentant, but the damage is already done. ((Hugs)). Praying for your little ones' hurting hearts today. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Wow. Why can't people just keep their mouths shut. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 What kind of idiot says that to ANY child? Hopefully realizing the extra pain he's caused those poor kids will dog him and he'll never say anything so stupid again. The kids are lucky to have you and your family. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No More Perfect Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Um, what? That is terrible! My kids are not foster and don't have any attachment issues and I would be LIVID if anyone said that to them. I am so sorry, those poor babies :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 That's horrible and sad :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Wow. People can be so stupid. I hope yo can reassure them that the man was WRONG. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Good, I hope he feels horrible for a while. And that next time he remembers what happened and keeps his mouth shut. I am so sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. How horrible. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 oh that just makes me so mad!!! Why do people think that's a good way to parent a child?? How awful for you and the boys. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Don't you just love helpful people?! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 :confused1: What kind of person thinks that and then says it out loud. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Sadly people who use the kind of dry humour that relies on "that's so impossible that I clearly mean the opposite"... A) They really shouldn't talk to children. They don't get it. They can't get it. Their brains aren't ready for it. Period. B) They almost always have a rosy view of what's "so impossible" -- that they just rub salt in the rounds of the worst kinds of experiences. Yes, idiot man, occasionally moms *do* leave their children forever... Sometimes, yes, "because" they scream a lot. Just because *you've* had a good life doesn't mean everyone has. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbotoast Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 That is just awful. I'm so sorry. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 So sorry. I really hope you can help them settle down. I think it's actually a beautiful commentary on the kind of mom you are that they are so bent on keeping you in their sights. It's got to be so difficult, but it shows they consider you their guardian, and a good one at that. I always learn so much from the Hive. I would hope I'd never say such a thing to a child, but in general, hearing so many diverse stories has made me more aware of the struggles of so many people around me. In general, I'm MUCH less inclined to judge people's parenting than I ever was before. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Wow. I'm so glad you told him off. :( My kids are 8, and one of them still has an irrational fear that I will not be there for her. Nobody believes me, because it makes no sense. I ask my kid, have I ever left you and failed to come back? No, never have, never will, and I'll always tell you if I'm not coming back on our usual schedule. Doesn't matter. It's been almost 8 years and we are still working on something so basic. If it helps at all, the man's words probably only stirred up a fear that was already there. Tell your kids that the man didn't mean what he said, some people just say dumb things they don't even mean. Of course you will always be there for them. Then just go back to the work you've been doing. Good luck. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Such a stupid, heartless comment! :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 (Hugs) What a terrible, thoughtless, obnoxious thing to say! (Hugs) I am so glad you had the ability to say something to that man!! Often in the heat of the moment nothing gets said. Hopefully what you said will make him think twice. Good job! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I have no words for that man, just REALLY uncharitable thoughts. I prayed for you & the twins. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I am just so sorry that the twins were confirmed in their fears -at least at that moment rather than confirmed in their hope that stability and love will remain in their lives. And I feel for you to have to implement the damage control. Sounds like they are too young for a talk about insensitive people and how their opinions don't matter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Oh my goodness. I can't believe someone would be so thoughtless and awful. I really hope your explanation shamed him and he thinks twice before being so heartless in the future. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 On the positive side, your twins learned that the man was completely wrong: despite the stupid words, they screamed more and you did not leave them. Maybe they learned something important today. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 What a jerk! I hope your kids can forget all about it, and soon. If not, I still hope the minimal amount of damage happened. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Oh my goodness. How truly awful. :crying: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 ((((((Hugs)))))) Such a thoughtless comment😔. My heart hurts for your preciously little guys. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 That breaks my heart. Stupid, insensitive man. Huge hugs, hon. To all of you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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