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AGH!


Melissa in Australia

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today I had to take twins to large town 100 km away for their fortnightly psychologist appointment. As this is the closest town with a decent shopping center I also had to do shopping.

 The twins scream - a lot. they have had a very hard life before coming to me and have suffered extreme trauma so they have reasons to scream. This makes shopping  ... loud.

Today twin two ( the main screamer) was feeling very insecure and every time I was out of his sight ( like pushing the pram) he would start screaming 'where are you mummy' at the top of his voice. I kept reassuring him, etc and talking constantly so he would know I was there.

 

 a elderly man came up to the pram, lent over and said " your mother is right there, but if you keep screaming she will leave you forever" :ohmy:  :ohmy: :ohmy:  :ohmy:  :ohmy:  :ohmy:  I could not believe it. :svengo:  Of course the twins had major meltdowns then. I said to the man that he had actually just said the worst possible thing as they are foster children. The man looked upset - hopefully he will not say such things to a child again.  The rest of the day and the trip home was a nightmare.

 

 

I am really hoping that the twins recover from this quickly as they already display great stress if I leave a room for a few seconds, thinking I have vanished. Months  of therapy, social stories, etc undone in seconds by a total stranger's thoughtless comment.

 

 

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Oh my lord.... I'd have given him an earful more than that, I think you showed restraint! 

 

Those poor kids. My prayers are with you.... Even my totally normal child would have had a bit of a fright at a stranger saying something as frightening as that. That is never, ever an appropriate threat. 

 

Oh I'm crying for those poor babies right now :(

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:grouphug: I'm so sorry!  Talk about being WAY out of line - for any child - and then considering their history.

 

I like the pp's mirror thought.  Any way you could rig that?

 

I'm glad you're there for those kids.  They need you!

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Ugh. My (insert family member name here) is one who sometimes says stuff like that and then a microsecond later realizes that he is not clever, but an idiot. He is thoroughly upset and repentant, but the damage is already done. ((Hugs)). Praying for your little ones' hurting hearts today.

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Sadly people who use the kind of dry humour that relies on "that's so impossible that I clearly mean the opposite"...

 

A) They really shouldn't talk to children. They don't get it. They can't get it. Their brains aren't ready for it. Period.

 

B) They almost always have a rosy view of what's "so impossible" -- that they just rub salt in the rounds of the worst kinds of experiences. Yes, idiot man, occasionally moms *do* leave their children forever... Sometimes, yes, "because" they scream a lot. Just because *you've* had a good life doesn't mean everyone has.

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So sorry. I really hope you can help them settle down.

 

I think it's actually a beautiful commentary on the kind of mom you are that they are so bent on keeping you in their sights. It's got to be so difficult, but it shows they consider you their guardian, and a good one at that.

 

I always learn so much from the Hive. I would hope I'd never say such a thing to a child, but in general, hearing so many diverse stories has made me more aware of the struggles of so many people around me. In general, I'm MUCH less inclined to judge people's parenting than I ever was before.

 

:grouphug:

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Wow.  I'm so glad you told him off.  :(

 

My kids are 8, and one of them still has an irrational fear that I will not be there for her.  Nobody believes me, because it makes no sense.  I ask my kid, have I ever left you and failed to come back?  No, never have, never will, and I'll always tell you if I'm not coming back on our usual schedule.  Doesn't matter.  It's been almost 8 years and we are still working on something so basic.

 

If it helps at all, the man's words probably only stirred up a fear that was already there.  Tell your kids that the man didn't mean what he said, some people just say dumb things they don't even mean.  Of course you will always be there for them.  Then just go back to the work you've been doing.  Good luck.

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(Hugs)

What a terrible, thoughtless, obnoxious thing to say!

(Hugs)

I am so glad you had the ability to say something to that man!! Often in the heat of the moment nothing gets said. Hopefully what you said will make him think twice. Good job!

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I am just so sorry that the twins were confirmed in their fears -at least at that moment rather than confirmed in their hope that stability and love will remain in their lives. And I feel for you to have to implement the damage control.

Sounds like they are too young for a talk about insensitive people and how their opinions don't matter.

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On the positive side, your twins learned that the man was completely wrong:  despite the stupid words, they screamed more and you did not leave them.  Maybe they learned something important today.

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