Getting ahead, financially

[purplejackmama]

Do tell how you and your family have managed to get ahead financially? Seems like every time we take a step forward we end up 2 steps backward. Never fails as soon as we get a little neat egg built we get slammed with a major unexpected expense.

 

How have you managed to build a substantial savings account?

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm happy I can pay the bills, maintain a good credit rating, sock a bit away for retirement, have a small cushion for odd small emergencies, have life insurance, and a bit left over for fun.  Also, our major expenses are comfortably within our means.  Ahead at this point would mean making more money which would only happen if I got a paid job. 

[Jackie]

We're still in the process of building it, but the biggest thing we did was sell our house. Every time I turned around, there was a major expense, and it was almost always house-related. We sold, used the bit of profit to pay down credit cards, rent a place for a little under what our mortgage had been costing us. When the heat went out in the rental in the winter, it wasn't our expense. When the roof started leaking, it wasn't our expense. When an electrician needed called out, it wasn't our expense. We've been renting for a little over two years and it has let us get completely out of debt and start socking money into retirement and a savings account.

[SparklyUnicorn]

We're still in the process of building it, but the biggest thing we did was sell our house. Every time I turned around, there was a major expense, and it was almost always house-related. We sold, used the bit of profit to pay down credit cards, rent a place for a little under what our mortgage had been costing us. When the heat went out in the rental in the winter, it wasn't our expense. When the roof started leaking, it wasn't our expense. When an electrician needed called out, it wasn't our expense. We've been renting for a little over two years and it has let us get completely out of debt and start socking money into retirement and a savings account.

 

See even despite the expenses of an old house, we have saved a lot by buying.  We pay much less than we did when renting even taking into account repairs and maintenance.  Even taking into account major repairs like the roof. 

 

We did take advantage of some awesome incentives and deals shortly after the housing bust though.  And we bought in an area where there is too much real estate for sale. 

[Bluegoat]

The biggest thing for us has been that my dh joined the army at 17, and then when he wanted to work somewhere else he managed to get a civil service job so that his pensionable time still counted.  It's also allowed him to work on a higher degree at no cost to us.

 

however, it did mean him taking for the first four years a job working at a weather station on a remote island six months a year.  We moved from a town we liked because of that so i could be closer to family when he was away.

 

We  got a house on a bus rout to his office so we only need one car (and actually could do without it.)

 

I do childcare as well for a little girl for about 9 hours a day M-F.  After Christmas this year I think I will have her baby brother as well.  That has covered a lot of things like kid's lessons that we could not otherwise afford.

 

We haven't though mananged to save nearly as much as we would like, though in about 5 years we will be in good shape.  We are however going to be in a good place with pensions.

[HomeAgain]

Dave Ramsey and a support group of like minded.  They help me brainstorm other options when we are up against a wall, or how to make the most of a bad situation.

[Pawz4me]

We married later than many.  I was 27 and DH was 29.  We both already owned homes (with mortgages) and both of us already had substantial retirement accounts.  I had a lot of equity already built up in my house, so we kept it and sold DH's.  We waited five more years before having kids and so were able to get ourselves in an even better financial situation.  We're fortunate that DH has had a great employer for the past twenty years, but really I think it was getting married later and already having our finances in order that made the most difference.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I'm not sure we're ahead but at least we're not behind. We have an old house that isn't fancy, drive 12-20 yo cars and mostly buy clothes at thrift and garage sales. I usually cook at home from scratch. We don't do a "vacation". We take a day or two somewhere within driving distance, go swimming, use the parks, tent camp, etc. We have money put away in a 529 college plan and dh's 403B. I could use that money but if it is auto deducted you get used to it. It sounds, if not dull, unglamorous but with scholarships, jobs and our help three of the kids have avoided student loans and we hope the others will too. That is our big gift to them.

[Greta]

My dh has always believed very strongly in simply living on significantly less than he earns, and saving the difference. There's nothing magical about it, but it has resulted in security for us. We bought a lot less house than we could have (only 65% of what the bank offered to loan us). Our cars are 16-19 years old - we're getting every penny out of them! We simply live more frugally than other people of our income level. I know that's probably not helpful, but it's all I know to suggest. Sometimes, you make those sacrifices and still can't get ahead. I don't have any brilliant insights. But I look forward to reading others' suggestions.

[Jane in NC]

Live below your means is the usual advice given and it is good advice. 

 

I think one of the most important steps to financial security is identifying what is important, i.e. what is worth spending money on. When my son was younger, many of his peers had a lot more stuff than he had.  We decided that we valued experiences (travel, science classes) over stuff so we spent money on those things that mattered to us and did not give a hoot about the latest and greatest. 

 

Set up payroll deduction savings if you can or automatic deposits if you are not disciplined to put money into savings or investments. Sure, everyone has emergency expenses but decide what is truly an emergency and what you can live without.

 

If you completely lack an emergency fund, sweat the small stuff until you build it up. 

 

If you have an employer offering a match on a 401-K, take advantage of the free money being given.  I am always astounded by people who don't do this.

[regentrude]

We had children after we had completed our education (grad school + postdoc), and I only stayed home for a few years.

We always lived below our means and made the decision to buy less house than we could have afforded/would have gotten a loan for. We basically lived on DH's salary and saved mine.

As pp, we decide carefully which expenses are important to us and which are not. No impulse shopping.

 

[Erica in OR]

Dave Ramsey. Most people either love or hate his program, it's helped us be more in control of our money.

 

Erica in OR

[73349]

We worked and saved money (living in an inconvenient location with lower rent) for a few years before buying a house (and deliberately bought less than we could theoretically afford), and then for a few more years before having DS. Cost is not the reason we had only one child, but it is a reason we would not have considered a very large family.

We drive fairly reliable old cars. (DH had a head start because his parents let him have their old car when he left for college.)

We "followed the money," choosing to live where DH can have a higher-paying job instead of where our families live.

I kept tutoring in the evenings after DS was born, for several years.

We don't travel much, and we don't have expensive hobbies. E.g., I read library books.

We have delayed home improvements that would only be cosmetic, even though we would really like them. (The late 1980s wallpaper in the master bathroom comes to mind!)

 

 

Sorry, nothing really innovative. But we do expect major repairs to crop up regularly, and try to keep a good cushion for that. ETA: It helps, I think, that I grew up without any spending money ever, in that not spending money is my default position.

 

ETA: Look up the blog Mr. Money Mustache. I think people either love it or hate it. ;)

[Greta]

If you have an employer offering a match on a 401-K, take advantage of the free money being given. I am always astounded by people who don't do this.

Yes! Employer match means a 100% return on your investment! There is no other investment that's going to give you that! So that is our absolute first investment priority, and we put in every penny that dh's employer will match.

[Mom22ns]

I think everything we did has already been mentioned, but here goes:

Live below our means which included buying far less house than we qualified for and buying used cars and driving them a long-ish time.

Automatic savings, college savings, retirements savings

We really never bought a ton of stuff and particularly not expensive stuff. If we didn't have the money, we didn't buy it. What we really needed or wanted we looked for great deals. 

 

I think all of these were fairly easy and automatic for us. Dh and I are both savers not spenders and we always wanted to live debt free. However, I recognize that life doesn't treat everyone so well. There are all kinds of crisis that could have totally derailed all our best intentions. We planned and followed our financial plans. However, life doesn't always allow that and I get that.

[Orthodox6]

Do tell how you and your family have managed to get ahead financially? Seems like every time we take a step forward we end up 2 steps backward. Never fails as soon as we get a little neat egg built we get slammed with a major unexpected expense.

 

How have you managed to build a substantial savings account?

We never have succeeded at this. The phrase "life happens" by now is invisibly tattooed on us. Mostly medical, heating/cooling, and automobile.

 

I cook most meals. Our mortgage is far below what some bank calculator would approve. We have had one brief family vacation in thirty-one years. (I don't count the out-of-state trips home to visit parents when we were living away.) Our "high fashion designers" sell through Target and Walmart (apart from DH's conference clothing).

[amy g.]

Part of why we are downsizing and moving across the country is that the new company matches more for our 401k and they also still have a pension although it is not what it used to be. One of the biggest advantages to me is that if we stay 10 years, they also pay health insurance after retirement until death.

 

I keep telling the kids that this will make their adult lives so much less stressful so it outweighs any discomfort they have right now about moving.

[Wheres Toto]

We're still working on building up savings but the biggest thing we did was I returned to work.  I have medical benefits, a 401K with company match, a pension after 5 years, a good paycheck, and enough flexibility that I don't have to stress sick kids or stuff happening, very close to home so there's options for my commute, and casual attire (jeans and plain t-shirts are fine) so I didn't need a new wardrobe.

 

Things are looking even better now since dh gave up his own company and got a job with a small yet well-established company.  His commute is even less than mine. 

[creekland]

We took a fair number of risks that worked - some of those (investments) were risks no one in their right mind would have taken...

 

The first really good one is hubby went into debt to get his Civil Engineering degree.  It took us 5 years to pay it off, but we've been reaping benefits ever since.

 

We chose to move to FL and rented a house, then an apt - each for a year.  We then tossed everything we had into buying our first house.  It was easy then to get mortgages, so that wasn't a problem even though the mortgage cost us more than we should have been able to pay...

 

We also had all three of our kids while in FL (spent 5 years there).

 

We've never been into "stuff," so that has definitely helped us save and toss more into our mortgage.

 

Not liking FL all that much and hubby's job being portable, he left there and accepted a position near here in PA.  His company paid our moving expenses.  We weren't positive we were going to like it, so we just rented our FL house at first, and also rented a house here in PA.

 

After a little bit we were able to sell the house in FL for a tidy profit - and invested every last penny of that in our farm here in PA - another high cost that most would not recommend with our salary.  However, that was our gold mine.  After some years we were able to sell off parts of our farm we weren't using for another tidy sum.

 

We took that and invested elsewhere - and lost the bulk of profit there during the economic downturn.  :glare:  But we also bought two rental properties that are doing ok.

 

That's where we are now.

 

- a good income from hubby's engineering job (he now owns his own company) AND we live in a decent COL area, so that doesn't eat up all the income

- our farm that is still worth far more than we paid for it

- two rental properties that will be totally paid for (from rent) by the time we want to retire

- then other assorted more typical deals

 

If we hadn't invested in the degree and the properties, we wouldn't be where we are now.  If we'd invested better from some of our profits we'd be doing even better, but I certainly can't complain.

 

To get the money to invest we buy very little.  What we splurge on is travel and experiences, but travel is often camping to save money (plus we like it).  Come to my house and you'll see an old farmhouse with assorted furniture, old appliances, and floors that would need to be replaced to look outdated on House Hunters.   :lol:   The value of our place is literally in the land and location.  Many House Hunter types would tear down and rebuild, but what we have is functional for us, so why bother?

 

Look in my closet and you'll see clothes that have been there for years and I'm still wearing them.  You won't find many shoes.  You won't find much jewelry.

 

Our newest car is a 2002.

 

We belong to a Health Share organization rather than paying out the wazoo for less coverage with health insurance.

 

So many things others consider necessities just aren't for us.

 

But we travel and do other similar things we like and our finances are reasonably decent IMO, and we got here through being similarly frugal and investing plus getting lucky with some of those investments.

[Jackie]

See even despite the expenses of an old house, we have saved a lot by buying.  We pay much less than we did when renting even taking into account repairs and maintenance.  Even taking into account major repairs like the roof. 

 

We did take advantage of some awesome incentives and deals shortly after the housing bust though.  And we bought in an area where there is too much real estate for sale. 

 

I definitely realize renting vs buying doesn't always swing one way over the other. I had it drilled into me my entire life (and DH even more so) that buying was always the smart decision, and it has been quite the revelation that house ownership was a huge part of our financial troubles - we had one house that we lost money on when the housing bubble burst and another that we got a great deal on but was just a money pit.

[catz]

We married later than many.  I was 27 and DH was 29.  We both already owned homes (with mortgages) and both of us already had substantial retirement accounts.  I had a lot of equity already built up in my house, so we kept it and sold DH's.  We waited five more years before having kids and so were able to get ourselves in an even better financial situation.  We're fortunate that DH has had a great employer for the past twenty years, but really I think it was getting married later and already having our finances in order that made the most difference.

 

:iagree:  Us too.  We married at 29 and 36.  Both of us owned houses, had multiple degrees, a plentiful disposable income, and professional employment.  That really helped set us up.  I will strongly encourage my kids to finish their educations before getting married at a minimum.  But know they also need to follow their own paths. 

 

We also chose to live quite a bit more conservatively than many people at our income level. 

[Ottakee]

We don't have nearly as much in a retirement fund as I wish we did but we are debt free.

 

We drive older cars (my "new" van is 8 years old).  We eat simply.  I spend far less on groceries a week than most families as we stick to beef (buy 1/4 or 1/2 cow at a time) and skinless boneless chicken for most meats with occ. ham, etc.  I shop Aldi and Walmart for 99% of our food.  If they don't have it, we likely don't need to eat it/can't afford it.

 

90% of my kids' clothes come from the local thrift stores or hand me downs.  The rest are almost all clearance or big sales.  Our wardrobes are not huge either and we live a life that doesnt' require a lot of dressing up.  None of us own "formal" clothes.
 

We try to do a lot of activities that don't cost a lot----free concerts, geocaching, walks, visiting with friends, etc.  We do have horses and that is an expense but way less than most sports/lessons as we have the land and do all of the care ourselves.

 

We live in the township with the lowest tax rate in the county but yet in one of the best school districts.  Property taxes are a huge consideration.

 

[KrissiK]

We are where we are at financially right now is because of things we did pre-kids, and also just dumb luck. We married later in life. We were both 34, first marriage for both. We had no debt when we got married. We were both working, but as soon as we got married, we lived off his income and banked mine. I worked for 2 years before we got the boys. Also, he bought a house shortly before the housing bubble and we sold at the height of the bubble and made a tidy profit. We have had no illness, dh has kept his job through the recession and despite the usual housing repairs and car maintainence issues, we haven't had any big ticket expenses. We do live frugally. We have 5 kids and 1 income, but we are able to afford city league sports and piano lessons for the kids. We rarely eat out, have pre-paid $15 flip phones (dh has a smart phone through his work), we drive our cars until they die.... But we paid our house off 2 years ago and our cars are paid off, too. We have a nice sum in retirement, but if we were to try to start "wealth building" now, it wouldn't happen.

[fairfarmhand]

Look at your big expenses. Are you owning more house than you need? Are you buying cars on a note?

 

We were in a huge hole when we married and we climbed out of it in about 3 yrs by living on as little as possible and paying down debt.

 

We drive older clunkier vehicles (we're driving around right now in 2 of our 3 vehicles with no A./C. The van' a/c sort of works. If we're on the highway.)

 

We save up and pay cash for large expenses.

 

Basic cell phone/text plan, no smart phones.

 

No cable or Netflix.

 

We pack lunches instead of eating out most of the time.

 

We just live in a mindset of "how can I do this cheaply"

[Tsuga]

Don't get sick.

 

Don't get divorced or have someone file for divorce.

 

Don't allow anyone in your family to be disabled.

 

Ensure you have enough in savings to buy low. Sell high. Do not lose your (college-degree, STEM field) job at this time.

 

Oh, and if you have a career and property before you have children, like we do, try not to be relocated during a major global recession, okay? Why on earth would you do that? Just keep the job you have or find a new one without going into massive debt. Even if your job was eliminated.

 

Generally, you want global recessions to happen NOT while you are in your most financially vulnerable years. By living frugally and not spending your savings on one unavoidable disaster after another, you can easily save.

 

Don't let anyone hit your car after you just repaired the brakes and struts because insurance won't cover your own work on the car. I think that's a big one of Ramsey's, right? "Don't let idiots total your car while in grad school."

 

Oh yes. If your mother in law is sick, do not take out of savings to help. You might need that later.

 

All in all, be frugal and have good luck and you're set. The American Dream made simple.

[DawnM]

This is how we are able to do it:

 

Live below our means

Save a percentage of our income each month automatically

Have good health insurance

Research to death before buying anything

[displace]

Live below our means by relocating. I know this is Drastic and not an option for a lot/most families. For us we lived in a high COL, two income family just paying the expensive bills. We relocated to a different state with no income taxes, similar home price but 60 years newer (thus cheaper for maintenance), one income family that is not only paying bills but saving for retirement and homeschooling with lots of extra expenses. We also put 20% down to avoid PMI, a savings of hundreds of dollars per month.

 

If home ownership is more than renting I would definitely rent.

 

We could have even bought a much cheaper home and been even further ahead financially. I think where you live is a great place to consider when thinking of finances as it affects so much of life daily expenses. If you're homeschooling it can be easier to move to a cheaper county or city because the PS may not be as much of a concern.

 

Eta- a cheap quicken program or the free mint finance tracker really opened my eyes to our expenses and motivated our relocation when I learned how much income was going to state taxes and COL! My second income was basically paying for us to live there, but relocating allowed me to be a SAHM.

[Luckymama]

A radical career change made all the difference for us.

 

Dh made the change seven years into our marriage. We got through the next five difficult years by being excessively frugal. We still live a frugal life, but now we are able to go on vacations and pay college tuition (the kids helped by getting lots of merit scholarships, though).

 

We've been married almost 24 years. While we did marry on the young side (25 and 23), we had no college loan debt to repay.

 

We didn't buy a house until our oldest was in third grade---and that was a true starter house with a bitty yard.

[teachermom2834]

nm

[SparklyUnicorn]

I definitely realize renting vs buying doesn't always swing one way over the other. I had it drilled into me my entire life (and DH even more so) that buying was always the smart decision, and it has been quite the revelation that house ownership was a huge part of our financial troubles - we had one house that we lost money on when the housing bubble burst and another that we got a great deal on but was just a money pit.

 

Oh it is definitely not ALWAYS the smart decision.  During the height of the housing thing, that would have been a very bad time to buy a house for us. I'm glad we did not do that.  So yeah we didn't buy until our late 30s. 

 

Renting has it's perks.  I liked not having to fix things.  I can't say that we did not worry about this stuff though because unfortunately we ended up with a string of crappy landlords.  We also ended up having to move after only a year of living in a rental because the owner wanted to reconfigure his building.  It was a mistake to sign a month to month lease, but at the time we didn't have options.  That made things extremely difficult.  Growing up we had the same rental for my entire childhood (my dad rented the place for 30 years).  So gone was the idea that it offered the kind of stability I was hoping for. 

[RKWAcademy]

I agree with some of the previous posters who said they married late.  DH and I married late and had our kids even later.  I was 33 when I had my kids.  I was able to build retirement and have a great career.  We also had zero debt except for our house when we married.  We bought a home that was not a stretch to pay for.  Even after kids, I worked for three more years (hardly seeing my babies).  Finally, we paid off our house.  Only then, was I able to stop working and homeschool.  This wouldn't have been possible if we had a mortgage.  But, we live ok on his salary alone because we saved before we had kids.  But at this point, saving much of anything for retirement beyond my DH's pension isn't happening.  When the kids get near college, I'll have to go back to work and cash flow college.  So, right now, we don't get ahead, we just try not to get behind!  I've thought through ideas for earning a small amount to add cushion to our savings, but haven't found anything that works with DH's hours since we have no family in the area for childcare help.

 

Since we can't change what we've done in the past, I'd say right now the only way to get ahead financially for most people is two incomes and living well below their means.  For us, that would eliminate homeschooling.  We've made the choice right now not to get ahead.  Sad that we must chose between those two things.

[Greta]

Don't get sick.

 

Don't get divorced or have someone file for divorce.

 

Don't allow anyone in your family to be disabled.

 

Ensure you have enough in savings to buy low. Sell high. Do not lose your (college-degree, STEM field) job at this time.

 

Oh, and if you have a career and property before you have children, like we do, try not to be relocated during a major global recession, okay? Why on earth would you do that? Just keep the job you have or find a new one without going into massive debt. Even if your job was eliminated.

 

Generally, you want global recessions to happen NOT while you are in your most financially vulnerable years. By living frugally and not spending your savings on one unavoidable disaster after another, you can easily save.

 

Don't let anyone hit your car after you just repaired the brakes and struts because insurance won't cover your own work on the car. I think that's a big one of Ramsey's, right? "Don't let idiots total your car while in grad school."

 

Oh yes. If your mother in law is sick, do not take out of savings to help. You might need that later.

 

All in all, be frugal and have good luck and you're set. The American Dream made simple.

This is so true - it helps to be as prepared as possible, but in the end I think most of it comes down to pure dumb luck. We bought our house way back in 1999, before the housing bubble even started to expand much less burst. We didn't know what was going to happen to the housing market, the timing was pure coincidence. We've never had any major accidents or illnesses. My dh has had steady employment, never been laid off. We've had some really annoying repairs and maintenance we've had to do on our home, but nothing truly disastrous like fires or floods. And none of that was because of decisions that we made, it was completely out of our control. And that's scary. How long can a person count on good luck? Obviously, you can't. You just have to hope for the best and plan for the worst.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think there are so many factors.  I do not feel bad that I wouldn't consider us "ahead" exactly.  I think we have come far in a very short amount of time and especially given some extenuating circumstances.  For example, we had to spend a hell of a lot of money on immigration paperwork before getting married.  That adds an expense not everyone has. 

 

It's what annoys me about financial advice.  Most of the time I feel like they aren't talking to me!

 

 

[rebot]

Yes! Employer match means a 100% return on your investment! There is no other investment that's going to give you that! So that is our absolute first investment priority, and we put in every penny that dh's employer will match.

We do this too, but we only put in what the company will match.  We've found that we can get better return on investment in other accounts so any that we add above what the company will match goes into other accounts.

[Greta]

We do this too, but we only put in what the company will match. We've found that we can get better return on investment in other accounts so any that we add above what the company will match goes into other accounts.

Agreed, that's what we do as well.

[Serenade]

We married later than many. 

 

I think this worked well for my DH and me, too.  We were quite a bit older, though -- I was 32 when we got married, and he was 35.    We had our kids when I was in my late 30s.  There are pros and cons to this approach -- I'm not in as good a health and I don't have as much energy as a younger mom. And I feel a huge generational gap with many of my kids' agemates parents.  But financially speaking, it worked out well because we each had established careers, and my DH already owned a home.  My DH also had a bit of money socked away because he made an engineer's salary but was quite frugal with it.  

 

We are not getting ahead any more.  And I doubt we ever will again.  DH is now in that age category where he is less desirable. I don't work.   However, the benefit from being established before marriage and kids has sustained us throughout these tougher, leaner years.  And now DH and I are both at a place in life where we just don't want a lot of stuff anymore.  Mostly what we want is opportunities for our kids.  We are no longer huge consumers otherwise, nor do we want to be.  Don't know how we will pay for college, though.  It will probably be two years of community college, and then a state school, for both of my kids.

[J-rap]

Paying off all my husband's crazy student loans helped us a TON.  After that, paying off our car really helped.

[Jackie]

We married pretty young (21 and 23 years old), which I think helped financially - we were both covered by health insurance, we only had to pay for one house, we each had times of underemployment that could be supported by the other. We did delay having our child by another 9 years, and that had a huge impact financially. I'm not sure if we'd yet be financially stable if we had a child young. But those are the types of financial decisions that are good to be aware of when you are starting out your adult life, and not so helpful to know about after you've already made such permanent decisions!

 

For the OP - you say that every time you get savings built up, you're hit with a major unexpected expense. Is there a theme to the expenses? Can you identify your issues? where do those major expenses come from - medical issues? House repairs? Cars?

[solascriptura]

We live very comfortably because my dh has a great job in a professional field. A family can count pennies and scrimp, but what it comes down to is money in and money out. If the money coming in isn't enough, pennies just won't help. Best wishes to you.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I have no advice, purplejackmama. I just wanted to say we're right there with you. We (OK, I) definitely made mistakes when we were young, but we resolved them and starting building upward, doing all the "right" things. In the last few years, though, we've taken some hits we just can't seem to recover from (in 2014, DH made less than half of what he made the year before, and 2015 is looking even worse :(). And we have some challenges that seem to have us paralyzed. Our cars are aging rapidly, and I feel like we're due for some kind of major house issue anytime now.

 

:grouphug:

 

ETA: On the upside, there are some major improvements happening in our town, so we're hopeful that our house will be worth much more than it is now. Eventually, anyway!

[EmilyGF]

My friend's family just had their rent raised by $450 a month (at 30% increase) and of course they couldn't afford that. They are from families that just scraped by so they just moved the baby out of the back bedroom and rented it out at $500/month. It makes life a little more stressful, but they only plan to stay in the house one more year and didn't want the hassle of another move.

 

She also shops at an upscale consignment sale twice per year. She buys all the clothing for her whole family for a year for about $300 (this includes herself, her husband, and four children, and includes things like show boots and coats). She tries on piles of clothes and buys everything she likes and then just decides not to shop until the next one. What she doesn't need then, but fits, she puts aside for when something wears out.

 

They own a Volvo. When something breaks down, her husband literally goes to all the junk yards within driving distance to find the part. Last time, it took five before he found it. However, he bought any usable parts he found as he went yard to yard, so the car is provided for for a long time.

 

She has no option to work because they are foreign and he can't do anything on the side due to his visa, so extra income is not an option.

 

Advice like "Wait to get married" and "Choose a better career" don't help much if someone is stuck right now!

 

Do look into Dave Ramsey. Surrounding yourself with people who value living within their means can help. We went on vacation (to a free place) last week with very frugal friends. I knew they would look down on me if we went out to eat, so I carefully planned and packed simple meals. Last year we went with my mother and easily spent $150 eating out. Just going with frugal friends saved us a lot!

 

Emily

[creekland]

This is so true - it helps to be as prepared as possible, but in the end I think most of it comes down to pure dumb luck. We bought our house way back in 1999, before the housing bubble even started to expand much less burst. We didn't know what was going to happen to the housing market, the timing was pure coincidence. We've never had any major accidents or illnesses. My dh has had steady employment, never been laid off. We've had some really annoying repairs and maintenance we've had to do on our home, but nothing truly disastrous like fires or floods. And none of that was because of decisions that we made, it was completely out of our control. And that's scary. How long can a person count on good luck? Obviously, you can't. You just have to hope for the best and plan for the worst.

 

:iagree:  I fully admit ours was basically luck with our choosing to put practically all our savings into real estate (aka our house, then farm) and having it pay off so well.  But it also helps that hubby has a decent paying job and we live in a lower COL area.  Both of those were choices, BUT, he is also talented enough to be a really, really good engineer.  That's luck.  I couldn't do his job.

 

We married young (20 & 23) and had kids when we wanted them.  I was 24 when my oldest was born. - No regrets at all!  Both of us preferred having them in our younger days and whisking them along with us in our lives.

 

The major illnesses in our lives were covered 100% by our Health Share (which is already less expensive than insurance).  Had we gone with insurance we'd be out more than 30K - probably a bit more - by now plus the additional annual cost to pay for insurance.

 

Regarding maintenance - esp on an OLD farmhouse - I lucked out there that hubby can fix pretty much anything almost stereotypically with duct tape MacGyver style.  It has saved us a ton both with our house and with our rentals.  It's extremely rare that we need a repairman for anything.  That's definitely luck.

 

Marrying him?  Totally luck.  I didn't even like him at first!   :lol:   Fortunately, he liked me and he was persistent.  

 

Our various decisions?  They weren't because we were smart, that's for sure.  Some were choices (like being frugal and putting our extra money into what we wanted whether that was houses or travel vs smart phones or an updated wardrobe and choosing health share way back when), but honestly, a bunch was dumb luck.  Had we hit the housing market wrong, we definitely wouldn't be in the position we're in now.  If we'd moved to a high COL area we wouldn't be either.

 

And yes, it definitely helps that our marriage is strong - no divorce, no differences of opinion on spending, etc.  But again, when I was(n't) looking for a mate, I wasn't really thinking about 27 years down the road and how it would be.

 

We DID have some very lean years, esp when hubby went out on his own (business) and during the economic downturn.  That's when frugal really mattered and neither of us had issues cutting back to bare bones and then some.  Hubby was also talented enough to take his skills world-wide (via the internet).  He's done projects on many continents and in other states.  Now that the economy is good again (locally anyway), he's back to being just a top notch engineer around here, but we were fortunate he had the skills (and idea) to expand when needed.

 

Some choices and tons of luck.  The luck wouldn't have been enough without the choices though.  We never won the lottery (and rarely play).

[kewb]

Don't get sick.

 

Don't get divorced or have someone file for divorce.

 

Don't allow anyone in your family to be disabled.

 

Ensure you have enough in savings to buy low. Sell high. Do not lose your (college-degree, STEM field) job at this time.

 

Oh, and if you have a career and property before you have children, like we do, try not to be relocated during a major global recession, okay? Why on earth would you do that? Just keep the job you have or find a new one without going into massive debt. Even if your job was eliminated.

 

Generally, you want global recessions to happen NOT while you are in your most financially vulnerable years. By living frugally and not spending your savings on one unavoidable disaster after another, you can easily save.

 

Don't let anyone hit your car after you just repaired the brakes and struts because insurance won't cover your own work on the car. I think that's a big one of Ramsey's, right? "Don't let idiots total your car while in grad school."

 

Oh yes. If your mother in law is sick, do not take out of savings to help. You might need that later.

 

All in all, be frugal and have good luck and you're set. The American Dream made simple.

This sounds about right. We never lived above our means. Had a nice nest egg. However, I was out of work for a year during the first Bush recession. DH lost his job 2 days after dd was born. He was out of work for the first year of her life. Unlike the first job loss I now had a toddler and a newborn, a mortgage, the furnace broke, car repairs and just my salary. Once dh was working again we cut up the credit cards. Cancer diagnosis.8 years later we start making inroads into saving again. Dh's company becomes a victim of the failing economy. I have now been out of work for a few years and he is no longer able to support us. He gets a job. Months after starting that job he becomes seriously ill. No one knows what is wrong. He manages to hang on to job while we start seeing specialists that don't take insurance trying to find out what is wrong. He has to go out on disability because he can no longer do his job. 2 years later we finally get a diagnosis. Most of our savings are gone from seeing specialists. Now we have a diagnosis and treatment is not covered by insurance. There went the rest of the savings. We now live disability to disability check.

So, my advice, don't get sick. Ever.

Once you have cut all those luxury items and are down to the bare minimum, least expensive cell phone plan, netflix subscription (no cable), make your own laundry detergent, going to the junk yard for car parts, eating a lot of rice and beans (so your whiny teens and dh can have whatever little meat there is), never going out to eat or even getting pizza once a month, you can then read an article about how someone has changed their life by no longer going to Starbucks and brewing their coffee at home.

[Spryte]

Kewb, sending hugs. We are still recovering financially from that same crummy diagnosis that your DH has. Our lives changed irrevocably. You're not alone.

 

I agree. Don't get sick.

[kroe1]

OK, get ready for some controversy, but, here was some of the best advice I ever learned over the years:

 

1. Marry well.

2. Go to college for a degree that will pay well.

3. Fun is for hobbies, work is for making money.

4. Marry well. After 10 years all you will really care about occurs at the club.

5. Pay 10% to yourself and 10% to the Lord.

6. Always pay cash for everything.

7. Marry well. There are lots of ways to love someone.

8. Keep your home small and new, keep your car small and new.

9. Never buy stocks in anything. (From my Wall Street days).

10. Marry well.

[December]

 

Don't let anyone hit your car after you just repaired the brakes and struts because insurance won't cover your own work on the car. I think that's a big one of Ramsey's, right? "Don't let idiots total your car while in grad school."

 

 

We actually just replaced our own brakes so this one concerns me.  So your insurance wouldn't cover your car at all after it was totaled because you did your own repair work??

[FaithManor]

Several things have probably played a hand in the fact that we are comfortable now.

 

We completed our educations before marriage and children. Even when we decided I would be a s.a.h. parent, I did not entirely give up income earning. I taught piano and voice in our home, did some music therapy on the side, took paid performance gigs on the weekend, played a LOT of weddings, etc. This provided extra income for budget busters like broken appliances, medical deductible, down payment on replacement cars, etc. Additionally, dh has always taken advantage of employer matching retirement plans which meant we had to discipline ourselves to keep our lifestyle simple enough to have money left at the end of the pay period.

 

We have never purchased a new cardue to the instant hit of depreciation. We always buy low mileage 3-5 year old vehicles with excellent safety ratings. It cuts the loan time down by a bunch.

 

Other than that, I would say LUCK. He has consistently earned pay raises and bonuses, and I have always been able to find music performance or education jobs.

 

Most of my friends who married quite young or had children before completing college/vo-tech have struggled mightily. So we have encouraged our kids to believe they should complete their education and initial job training before having a family. That said, dd and hubby are not where they should be financially, but due to medical issues pregnancy was a now or never proposition for them. So they will have a lovely grandchild whom we will adore, and we will assist them more finaicially with getting better established. I am very thankful we can do this for them!

[creekland]

4. Marry well. After 10 years all you will really care about occurs at the club.

 

???  Personally, nothing I care about occurs at the club, but I love hubby a ton no matter what we have coming in financially at the time.  Chances are, we're out together doing something anyway - far from any club.   :lol:  We've quite happily done many, many free activities in our 27 years together.   :coolgleamA:

 

I guess marrying for money could be good for those who only want money.  That's definitely not our club.

[creekland]

Other than that, I would say LUCK. 

 

Luck really is number one in all of it.

 

The birth lottery is 100% luck.  Try moving up when born into poverty in a third world country.  Yet the young lad/lass born into wealth in that same country is doing just fine.

 

Try moving up when genetics haven't given you a gift for any top pay jobs.  This definitely happens.

 

Even with genetics giving one a gift in some field or another, luck still provides the connections or opportunities they need - even if that luck is a scholarship or mentor or someone noticing them and giving them a break.

 

Health issues tend to be mostly luck, esp issues like accidents and major illnesses.  Sure some have higher odds with smoking or unhealthy eating, but luck is a huge factor in most and just plain a factor in others.  It's definitely why all should have some sort of health coverage and why many think universal health care for all should be a given.

 

Choices matter.  Grit and determination matter (a ton).  The ability to be willing to change things matters, because talk is cheap.  No one is saying these things don't.  Many (not all) can change their lives (financially) to some extent, but luck... well, luck is in its own dimension.

 

All of this is also connected to why we tip the way we do and why we support some of the businesses we do and why we support things like medical missions and more.  We haven't had enough luck to change the world or make a huge dent in it, but we can still do something to assist others in their journey.

[LucyStoner]

We were pretty darn ahead of the game due to luck and work.

 

Then my son needed a parent at home. ASD.

 

We had to downsize from our owned home to an apartment to make that happen. We had bought before the bubble burst to boot so we got out at the worst time. The $80k odd dollars we lost on that home? Sucks. But if that's the worst of our troubles we are doing great.

 

Anything can happen. You can't idemnify against this little thing called "life".