Music lessons...do you sit in on them??

[ProudGrandma]

My kids are 14, 12 and 10.  My dd14 takes accordian, piano and organ.  My ds10 and 12 take horn (one trumpet and one french horn) and piano.

 

Do you sit in on the lessons that your kids take...or do you go someplace else while they are taking lessons?  Is it convienent one way or the other??  Does the teacher prefer one or the other?  Do your children care one way or the other??

 

thanks.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Not at those ages.  I would go to Starbucks or the library.  My kids would not want  me there.  I don't know that the teacher would care.  

[NorthwestMom]

I drop and go. Just the amount of time you would spend sitting in on all of those lessons.... that would be tough on me!

 

edited to add - my DD's voice teacher specifically asked me to stay. It's his policy to have a parent in the small, soundproofed room because he does not want any hint of impropriety. I think it's a very professional policy for him.

 

[ScoutTN]

Nope. My kids are 9 and 7. The teacher is writes out everything they need to work on each week. My kids need a break from me and the freedom to interact with a teacher independently.

 

Sometimes we sit in the hallway outside her studio, but not usually listening in on the lesson with any degree of attention. Sometimes we go to the bakery next door and get cookies and enjoy the wifi! ;)

[Veritaserum]

I don't sit in.

[Donna]

Until this year, I sat in for my 12yo's lessons most of the time. I drive at least an hour for classical lessons and almost 3 hours for fiddle lessons each way and most of the time have no where else to go. This year she is with a different teacher and the "rules" at the music school are that parents do not go in. Her teacher gives her a list of what to practice and dd practices independently. With fiddle lessons, I videotape so she can reference the recordings when she practices so I still "sit in" but my role is simply to record the lesson. 

 

Edited to add: Until this year, dd was with a Suzuki teacher and although she was beyond the Suzuki books, I still sat in to take notes on what she needed to work on and listened so if she needed assistance while practicing, I knew what the teacher was looking for. The past couple years though, I took fewer and fewer notes as the teacher did most of the notation dd needed for practice right on the sheet music during the lesson.

[Farrar]

No, at least not on purpose. When the weather is bad, I sit in the living room because I have to wait for the kids to switch (my boys share an hour at piano). Otherwise, we sit on the porch or take a walk. I know nothing about music and my whole philosophy is to stay out of it. One of my ds is also in an ensemble and I don't even go to that ever. Sometimes it's cool to poke my head in at the end because the music is pretty awesome, but I don't go to try to manage him or anything.

 

If you have a child in Suzuki, I know that you have to go, so that's a different philosophy. But then you have a clear role.

[Dmmetler]

I do, but I've got a Suzuki-type philosophy of music instruction for younger kids, even though my DD takes traditionally. And, honestly, unless I wanted to sit in my car, there's nowhere to go, because her teacher teaches out of her living room. 

 

 

 

[ProudGrandma]

I sit in, but the main reason are 1) no where to go and 2) there is someone to be with the other kids while their siblings are doing lessons.  

 

With organ, I don't need to sit in, but the other place to go is to hang out with the teacher's husband and their small children...which doesn't really appeal to me. 

 

My kids don't care one way or the other...and the teachers seem to be the same....although I have never asked.

 

I like knowing what their teachers tell them too...I sometimes even learn something (which is cool for me)....

 

so, I was just curious.

 

 

[FriedClams]

Our teacher doesn't want us there, thankfully!! :-)

[SKL]

Only if it is logistically easier than finding somewhere else to sit.

 

My kids started piano at age 4 (and guitar at 5), and I did not sit in on those lessons either.  Until recently, I arranged for lessons to be done at school, so I wasn't even involved except in practice.

[SKL]

I think my kids kind of like me to sit in (they are 7/8), and the teacher doesn't complain, so it is fine as long as they don't get distracted.

[Sarah CB]

I sit in.  Until this year, the teachers have been very Suzuki, so the parent is part of the Suzuki triangle.  I was also taught how to sit in without interfering.  I don't answer questions in the lesson or make comments or try to communicate with my kids by giving them certain looks.  I just record the teacher's main points and make sure the kids have all the info they'll need for their lessons.

 

Ds (14) and ds (12) are now with profs at the university (we moved).  I specifically asked both teachers what their preference is, as my kids are certainly old enough to figure things out on their own and these teachers' students are typically a lot older.  They both said it would make their job easier if I was there as they could focus their time on teaching instead of spending a lot of time writing things out.  My eldest also has a weekly lesson with one of his teacher's grad students and I sit in on that one, too.

 

Neither of my boys need much direction from me when practicing, but what I learn in the lesson does come in handy sometimes during practice.  

 

 

[J-rap]

The only time I sat in on them was when my daughter was taking Suzuki violin, and it was required that I sit in on them for a few years.

 

For any other music lesson, no.  However, I do have some music background so knew enough to help them a bit at home (at least with piano).  Maybe if I knew nothing at all about music, I would want to sit in and learn a little, so that I could better help them.

[wintermom]

I sit in.  Until this year, the teachers have been very Suzuki, so the parent is part of the Suzuki triangle.  I was also taught how to sit in without interfering.  I don't answer questions in the lesson or make comments or try to communicate with my kids by giving them certain looks.  I just record the teacher's main points and make sure the kids have all the info they'll need for their lessons.

 

Ds (14) and ds (12) are now with profs at the university (we moved).  I specifically asked both teachers what their preference is, as my kids are certainly old enough to figure things out on their own and these teachers' students are typically a lot older.  They both said it would make their job easier if I was there as they could focus their time on teaching instead of spending a lot of time writing things out.  My eldest also has a weekly lesson with one of his teacher's grad students and I sit in on that one, too.

 

Neither of my boys need much direction from me when practicing, but what I learn in the lesson does come in handy sometimes during practice.  

 

This is a lot like our family. I started sitting in on the violin lessons as it was Suzuki philosophy, and I noticed a huge difference in the progression of my 2 child whom I did this with. For my other 2 children taking piano lessons, I never sat in on the lessons, which was the teacher's request. Subsequently, I wasn't able to help them with their practicing as much and they just didn't progress anywhere near as quickly. I still sit in on every violin lesson (they are now 14 and 10), and help with the 10 year old's practices.

 

My piano players (now 12 and 8) both switched to classical guitar, and I sit in and take notes and help with their practicing. Their progression and technique are very good.

 

I would definitely recommend sitting in on music lessons and getting involved with the practice at home - even if the parent doesn't have a music background. Listening in to what the teacher is working with the child, recording the lesson with notes, audio and/or video, and helping with home practice makes a huge impact.

 

I'd say that my children are so used to playing their instrument in front of me, their teacher, their siblings, and their group classmates that they are much more comfortable playing in front of an audience. They are confident in playing at church, for extended family, and other events when asked. It makes knowing how to play music that much more special when you can share it with others.

[bibiche]

Yes, I sit and take notes. 

[texasmama]

All four of my kids have taken piano lessons, and I have never sat in on a lesson.   The teacher did not want me to sit in, and my kids never requested it.

[Ethel Mertz]

Up until this year, my spouse sat in on voice lessons to run the recording app. Once we taught the voice teacher how to use the app, parental presence was no longer required. Oddly enough, DS progressed by leaps and bounds once there wasn't a parent involved.  :huh:

 

We don't sit in for his jazz drumming lesson either (we would like to have some degree of our hearing remain intact). Usually, we go next door to a juice bar to relax.

 

For choir, we sit in another room and use the wifi.

[Dory]

I pick up early for the first lesson of the year so that the teacher can discuss some things with me if necessary, but at those ages I don't sit in. I go do some running around that needs to be done while they're in there, or I find a nice place in a nearby park and go through emails, or catch up on reading or marking.

[Hypatia.]

My older two are in group lessons for strings, I just drop them off and pick them up when it is over.  DD1 is in chorus and last year I would sit in the back of the room (with other parents) and read my Kindle.  This year I drop her off, go get a coffee and read for a bit, then wait out in the car her class to be over.  

[KrissiK]

No, I never have. Well, I take that back. I sat in on dd's very first piano lesson. She was very nervous, to the point of tears nervous. But, her teacher just took charge from the get-go and she was fine. I drop the kids off and go back home. We only live 5 minutes away.

[ProudGrandma]

wow...this is interesting.  I am trying to decide if I am too controling....or hovering too much....but I just really like to sit in on the kids lessons....I don't take notes per se...but I do take mental notes and I am very involved with their practicing at home...and I believe that sitting in on lessons help me with that.

 

 

[MrsJewelsRae]

My 12 and 10 year old take piano. The first couple months I sat in the waiting area - our teacher's studio is built as an addition on her house, there are French doors between the music room and the waiting area- an ideal setup, with chairs, a table with coloring books, rest room. Once I became comfortable I'd leave them, I just drop them off and take my younger child to Walmart or Michael's which are right up the street from her, or sit at Tim Hortons and have coffee. :)

[4ofus]

I sit in (my kids are 10 & 11) & take notes. I'm silent. My funtion is to be another set of ears in case the child has a question during the week & to be a scribe so the teacher does not have to use time to write things. 

[73349]

DS's teacher does not have parents sit in. The studio is small. There is a seating area outside from which I can hear, though. Occasionally I walk to the bookstore instead, but there aren't many places to go and be back in less than half an hour.

 

In the last few minutes of the lesson, she invites the parent in to see and hear what the child needs to work on for the week.

[stupidusername]

i don't sit in.

[Peaceful Isle]

I do not sit in on my girls piano lessons. I think it would make my kiddos a little nervous. Plus, I like to give them a little space during that time, since I am with them for most of their lives, lol.

[Ivey]

Ds10's piano teacher asked me to sit in when he was younger (she had little experience teaching kids with special needs), but I drop him off and pick him now. My other boys have always been dropped off and picked up. 

[allyphoe]

I sit in only due to lack of anywhere else to wait. I bring my own silent amusements and try to ignore the lesson.

[itsheresomewhere]

I sit in and take notes. My notes are what the instructor wants her to work on or tips. My child is younger than yours are.

[Dory]

wow...this is interesting.  I am trying to decide if I am too controling....or hovering too much....but I just really like to sit in on the kids lessons....I don't take notes per se...but I do take mental notes and I am very involved with their practicing at home...and I believe that sitting in on lessons help me with that.

 

I send emails back and forth with the instructor and she jots notes down for me in their practice binder. I stay pretty involved in their at home practice too. When they were younger I would sit beside them while they practiced and point things out.

[VeteranMom]

Our piano teacher used to live up the road.  She would have LOVED for me to sit in on lessons, but I didn't want to.  A few months ago, the piano teacher moved out of state.  We do skype lessons now and I do have to sit in for the lessons now.  I do think that my kids have done better since I've started sitting on on the lessons. My kids don't care if I sit in for the lessons or not.

ETA - my kids are 11, 12, and 12

[ProudGrandma]

I sit in only due to lack of anywhere else to wait. I bring my own silent amusements and try to ignore the lesson.

this is me too....my kids bring school work to work on, I do all sorts of mindless things...so I can sort of pay attention, without hovering and getting in the way.

[catz]

I sit in on my kids lessons and they're 10 and  newly14.  My 14 yo son takes piano and voice and my daughter takes violin.  They started as preschoolers with Suzuki teachers.   It's pretty standard for parents to be attending lessons of Suzuki kids up to high school age anyway.  My son's piano teacher is Suzuki trained, but also has a PhD and has taught at the college level.  But I still sit in and take notes.While zoning out and playing on my IPad.  He practices on his own and his lessons don't look particularly "suzuki" anymore.  Because he is used to me taking notes in piano, he asked me to in voice as well and his teacher was a Suzuki violin kid and was fine with it.  So I knit and take notes for voice.  He is fairly disorganized and little possibly behind in executive skills and I think he's actually able to be much more successful just by me sitting in, typing notes on my iPad, and printing them out for him.  I am completely silent in both those lessons for the most part.

 

I am a little more involved yet in violin with my 10 year old.  I actually play violin, which helps.  I take notes and the violin teacher  is more likely to talk to me during lesson.  I still help her practice.  She also participates in group lessons and orchestra and she mostly attends those on her own now and is doing a good job remembering assignments. 

 

Whatever works for you.  Some teachers have strong preferences.  Some parent/kid relationships are more/less tenuous.  I know a mom that got kicked out of her kid's suzuki violin lesson when he was 7.  He's now 13, and still taking lessons.  I definitely know it has helped my kid's success to have me actively engaged in their music lessons.  I definitely consider it part of our homeschool curriculum and program here.  I do think different families tend to look at music lessons in different ways.

[Katy]

When I'm certain a child has the personality to stand up for himself if something abusive happens I don't supervise things like that.

[Wilma]

I listen. The piano lessons happen at the teacher's home, with my oldest two sharing an hour. I often read quietly to the younger two girls while keeping at least half of an ear on the lesson. It's interesting, and I'm better able to help my kids practice.

 

As a kid, my parents never would've even considered attending a lesson with me. Nor would I have asked. That would have been weird.

[Harriet Vane]

Not at the ages of your kids. I did when they were younger. I guess I did also sit in when we moved to a new state and were getting established with new teachers and tutors. I needed to hear the lesson to evaluate whether or not the instructor was any good. We are happy with ds' guitar instructors, so I no longer sit in. I was glad that I sat in on Spanish tutoring this summer because the guy I hired was awful and needed to be fired. The tutor my ds is currently working with is fabulous, though, so I no longer sit in on those sessions.

 

I do insist on certain child safety protocols. We have been fortunate in that most of my kids' tutoring sessions for various things have been in a room with a window. We have one guitar instructor who comes to our house. In his case, ds and he meet in the basement. I leave the door open and work in the dining room just at the top of the stairs where I can clearly hear everything. It's not that I don't trust the instructor; rather, it's just a matter of maintaining certain standards until the child is big enough and old enough so there is no ambiguity.

 

 

[Caclcoca]

I stay in the house/building during lessons, but I don't sit in the room.  I am usually doing some school work with a child that is not in a lesson at the time. 

[AK_Mom4]

DD13 takes piano lessons in a studio where the inner and outer walls are glass. When we first started, I would watch from the lobby, but we have been there several years and now I park outside and watch from the parking lot in my car.  The glass walls are great in a studio environment (walls between studios are solid).

 

Saxophone lessons are in her teacher's home.  I sat in for the first few lessons to make sure things go smoothly, but for the last year or so, I have waited outside in the car.

[myfunnybunch]

Yes, because I have two boys who take lessons from the same teacher, and there isn't a convenient place near the studio to hang out. I sit and sew or read, the boys (guitar boy and whichever boy is waiting for/has had his lesson) do schoolwork.

 

Cat

[applethyme]

Yes, my 6 and 7 year old take Suzuki violin lessons and it is expected that I will sit in on the lessons.

[StephanieZ]

I sat in through about age 12 or 13. By then, the kids do just fine without my sitting in. Sitting in and paying attention during the lessons during the earlier years helped greatly -- kept them on track with what to practice during the week, etc, and also just helped establish my interest in their music. I highly recommend being an involved, note taking, attentive presence during lessons during at least the early years, certainly through age 10, but ideally through age 11 or 12.

[jenn-]

I have been sitting in on piano lessons for 5 years now.  First with my DD and now with a twin.  The lessons are at her house and her house is out in the middle of nowhere.  When DD was taking lessons, I would occasionally walk the property with them (she has a lake house).  Now the two boys that don't take stay home with DD who no longer takes lessons.

[Crimson Wife]

For group lessons, no.

 

For individual lessons, generally I do but sometimes I have to shuttle another kid to an activity so in those cases I will do a drop-off of my 12 y.o. I'd say that I sit in on probably 90% of the lessons.

[fraidycat]

My kids just started lessons a couple weeks ago. I've only gone once. I stayed because I sat with one while the other was "in" the lesson (across the room).

[violamama]

Unless the kid is super-on-top-of-things I almost always request the parent be there until they are about 12. Some of my students do strict Suzuki. A few have done better without the parent. Some have sent the nanny who will practice with them. 

 

I plan to be in my own boys' lessons until they are about that age. I practice with them, and even though I could teach them (at this stage anyway) without the cello or piano teacher, it helps me to know what exactly the teacher wanted the kid to notice or focus on. Notes in a book are never enough to really get the nuances.

 

If you want to be there, be there! Just follow the teacher's direction for how involved to be. 

[I talk to the trees]

DH (an oboist) was reading the thread title over my shoulder just now. His reply, "Yes, I do. But only because the parents probably wouldn't pay me if I didn't!" :lol:

[skimomma]

My dd is in Suzuki violin.  Up until she hit Book 7 (age 9), I attended all lessons.  Now, I am welcome to and do sometimes but typically will use that hour to run errands.  Dd is fine either way.  She has far surpassed the level where I am of any use to her so my being there or not does not matter much.

[Amethyst]

It depends. 

 

Very first lessons that any of my kids took were at my house. I happened to observe the teacher reading a magazine (Good Housekeeping or something; definitely not piano related), so I was glad I was there to see it. (I fired her the following week.)

 

When my 10 year old daughter started French horn lessons with a male teacher, I told him that I would be sitting in on the lessons. He said, "Great. That's preferable." I didn't tell him, but my main concern was not musical but leaving my dd in a room alone with an adult male. By his tone, I assumed that he felt it would be better for his own sake to have an adult there for the same reason. 

 

We've also done Suzuki where it was required.

 

Also, once I've become comfortable with the teacher, I have had my son take lessons alone with female teacher, had son take lessons alone with male teacher, and had daughters take lessons with female teachers alone.

 

So, yeah, it depends.

 

As far as what we would do, it would depend how far away. If too far to go home, I might go for a walk or read a book.