If you could help *steer* your child toward or away from a particular field...

[4ofus]

What would it be & why?

 

I just tried to reach the orthodontist...their hours are M-R 8:30-5, lunch from 11:45-2:15. 1/2 day on Friday.

 

The dentist we use has similar hours, but is additionally closed one weekday.

 

This boggles my mind!!  AND it made me think (rather tongue-in-cheek) "I should've been a dentist!" Haha.

 

Which led me to the tangent that is this question. That's how my mind works...one shiny thought & I'm off to never-never land :).

 

 

 

ETA: Based on the world today & what you anticipate of the world tomorrow, more than your particular child's strengths.  What do you think is a good gig today & what do you think will be a good gig tomorrow & why ;)>.

[kewb]

Orthodontist is a pretty good gig for women who want a career and a family. No middle of the night emergencies.

[EmilyGF]

Away from professor. My hubby is a professor. Getting there is really really cut throat and time consuming, though for stability it sure is great!

[Spryte]

Orthodontist is a pretty good gig for women who want a career and a family. No middle of the night emergencies.

 

Except for the emergency calls when a kiddo loses a baby tooth attached to the braces!   :tongue_smilie: (BTW, I hope that worked out for the person who had that issue recently!)

[SKL]

I dunno, my kid went through a phase when she was really into banking, and I thought that was pretty cool.

 

I joke that my eldest might be a brilliant chemist for the cosmetology industry someday ...  she is so into cosmetology, but I am not sure doing hair and nails for a living will reliably pay the bills.  Then again, who knows?  An ex-coworker used to be uncomfortable with his son's choice to be a hair stylist, but now he says he cuts all the rich ladies' hair and makes a lot of money.  For real.  :P

[Laurie4b]

For my mathy kids, we suggested engineering early on. Plus one of them just acted like an engineer (interested in constructing things, fixing things, etc.) from early on. Kids with math skills who are interested in engineering have very nice job opportunities right out of school.

[bettyandbob]

I'm trying not to do any "steering." I was "steered." I could talk about lifelong dissatisfaction, things I'm good at, but don't really care about, things I wished I'd tried, things I should have done when I didn't have "responsibilities.

 

dd is trying to decide what she wants to study. There are lots of things that are very practical I think she'd do well in (PT, SLP, engineering). I've tried to make sure she had opportunities to try (or observe) things through volunteering and part time work. We've explored other things (international spy). She likes writing and my neighbor is a writer and has provided her some mentoring there. Maybe she having a hard time because I won't tell her what to do.

 

ETA: we do tell our dc not to go to law school unless they've thought of nothing else. dh and I both have law degrees.

[Reefgazer]

I'd steer her away from teaching or medicine.  These days, they're just thankless professions.  I'd steer her toward anything she had an interest in.

[Elisabet1]

I dunno, my kid went through a phase when she was really into banking, and I thought that was pretty cool.

 

I joke that my eldest might be a brilliant chemist for the cosmetology industry someday ...  she is so into cosmetology, but I am not sure doing hair and nails for a living will reliably pay the bills.  Then again, who knows?  An ex-coworker used to be uncomfortable with his son's choice to be a hair stylist, but now he says he cuts all the rich ladies' hair and makes a lot of money.  For real.  :p

There is a guy here, on my FB page, because he had the same exact name as my husband, and the same name of his mother, and lived in the area, so he ended up on my page. He does hair for a living. And he travels everywhere. Based on his posts, he is clearly well off. He is trying to hit some special golden pass for this year on the airline. He has been around the entire world.

[Tanaqui]

Dentistry is a branch of medicine that pays reasonably well... if you are the sort of dentist whose patients pay the bills. Our dentist is great, and has been more than willing to comp us whenever we've been a little short and insurance didn't cover it, but I'm sure that cuts into his bottom line.

 

Depending on where you are, plumbing is also a good field. You don't really need that many bankers or lawyers, but when the toilet breaks in the middle of the night you'll be glad for your plumber!

[nwmama]

What would it be & why?

 

I just tried to reach the orthodontist...their hours are M-R 8:30-5, lunch from 11:45-2:15. 1/2 day on Friday.

 

The dentist we use has similar hours, but is additionally closed one weekday.

 

This boggles my mind!!  AND it made me think (rather tongue-in-cheek) "I should've been a dentist!" Haha.

 

Which led me to the tangent that is this question. That's how my mind works...one shiny thought & I'm off to never-never land :).

 

 

 

ETA: Based on the world today & what you anticipate of the world tomorrow, more than your particular child's strengths.  What do you think is a good gig today & what do you think will be a good gig tomorrow & why ;)>.

 

A good friend of ours is a dentist...it's not an easy field. Not only does it mean lots of expensive schooling but afterwards you have to find someone to work under or buy a practice or start your own, the last two require business sense which a lot of dentists don't have. DH worked as a short sale real estate negotiator for a few years and worked with a lot of dentists and doctors who went bankrupt because they didn't know how to manage a business!

 

DH and I think that engineering of any kind is going to keep needing people so we are trying to make sure that we are providing an education that makes that possible, I guess that is steering, but I don't really care whether they do it or not.

 

It's not a career but we would steer them away from getting a general liberal arts degree or a degree just for the sake of getting a degree, we think it's a waste of money.

 

[aggieamy]

For my mathy kids, we suggested engineering early on. Plus one of them just acted like an engineer (interested in constructing things, fixing things, etc.) from early on. Kids with math skills who are interested in engineering have very nice job opportunities right out of school.

 

DD is good at math.  We are encouraging engineering as well.  I'm also a 4th generation engineer so I'm confident that it will be a good career for many years during the road.  My grandmother used to talk about how she never realized there was a depression going on because her father was an engineer so he always had a job.  That's a pretty solid recommendation for a field.  

[Pawz4me]

We try not to steer, but . . .

 

I'd like to steer oldest DS away from investment banking.  But right now he's got his heart set on it.  I think he may have to sell his soul (and work himself to death) to succeed.

 

I think we may have to steer youngest DS to something.  Probably something computer related.  He's great with math and a very logical, analytical thinker.  And I think it would be a pretty solid career choice.  It's certainly served DH well.

[VeteranMom]

I'd steer them toward computer programming/coding.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWsyrnOBsJs

 

 

[jrn]

I could use a massage therapist and a chiropractor. I tease my girls and tell them maybe they should look into that. :tongue_smilie:

[AimeeM]

I do want to mention that many medical offices have those types of seemingly "half day" hours because the other hours, that half day, are dedicated to doing rounds, or when they have dibs on OR suites. My OBGYN, for example, has what seem like limited hours a couple days a week, because those are his "making rounds" hours, or his OR hours. 

 

[AimeeM]

I try hard not to, but I do sometimes catch myself steering my eldest AWAY from being a special needs teacher. She has her heart very set on teaching dyslexic children, but wants desperately to stay in this (geographic) area. The problem? Our area doesn't recognize dyslexia as a special need in the public schools, so her only option would be one of the two schools for dyslexic children - both of which pay their teachers very little in comparison, and are INCREDIBLY competitive. 

Also, she really dislikes school and academics in general, despite having strengths in several areas - she's always been this way, so it isn't new. It's my personal experience that such people make pretty miserable teachers (sorry!).

Special needs teachers in general here are being "cut from the budget". Teaching in general, here, is becoming increasingly difficult - the regular ed teachers are having formerly isolated SN children put into their classes, even if they are far from being able to be successfully mainstreamed, and teachers are dropping like flies. 

So I would say that I'm steering her away from teaching - in this area. 

[Arcadia]

Actuary based on my boys being as type A workaholics as me and both having an interest in that area. I won't be surprise if my boys end up doing their first degree in engineering or architecture then doing their postgrad in a finance related field, or doing a double degree.

 

Older wants a good paying office hour job that leaves him time to start his own business.

 

ETA:

As for actual steering, my older knows his own mind while my younger would have to come out of older's shadow and come into his own. He is interested in architecture and amusement park planning. He loves to talk and to draw so urban planning might fit as well.

[trulycrabby]

Well, I might try to steer DS10 away from say, pole dancing (ouch!) or arctic fishing (brrrrr!), but just about anything else would be fine as long as it is legal. He says he wants to be an engineer, so that's fine with me.

[EmilyGF]

I'd steer them toward computer programming/coding.

Computer programming as a skill that I sort of take for granted. Whether you are an art historian or a physicist, you need to be able to program if you want to be really marketable. (You can ask me about the art historian story if you want...) However, it can be applied in many many ways.

[SamanthaCarter]

I'd steer them toward something in which a friend of family member had some familiarity with the field. And away from something in which we had no insight into that world. That doesn't really narrow it down much since our larger family has some insight into engineering, law, finance, medical, academia, marketing, forestry. No teaching, but at this point I'm not seeing that in any of my kids. Actually, my kids are all little young for me to be participating in this conversation at all.....

 

My first love was economics. If I could have gotten a degree in economics and spent the rest of my life in a think tank I think I would have been happy. But the things is, you have to know people or live in that world already to get a think tank type job. I was told economics degrees made economics teachers, and I didn't want to teach. So I went with something practical, accounting. It works for me and it's very marketable. :)

[Cinder]

I do want to mention that many medical offices have those types of seemingly "half day" hours because the other hours, that half day, are dedicated to doing rounds, or when they have dibs on OR suites. My OBGYN, for example, has what seem like limited hours a couple days a week, because those are his "making rounds" hours, or his OR hours. 

 

Our dentist only works 3 days per week and his partner works 2. But they each work about 12 hour days to provide extended hours for patients so they don't have to miss work or school.

[lllll]

,,

[Tsuga]

I wrote a long, long reply and then it got eaten.

 

I say two things:

 

1. Art is a way of being, not a job. You can plan to sell art, or teach art, but being an artist is a way of life, not a profession. Same goes for all the arts: music, literature, dance, drama. Dance if you must, but you need to sell a show. Also, be aware that supply and demand governs money. Lots of people want to do art, but because it can be copied, the demand for original art is low. Low demand / High supply = almost infinitely low salaries. Art marketing and advertising, however, involve knowing what other people want. And that is a rare talent and everyone needs it. So think about it.

 

2. People don't hate the government because it's inefficient. People hate the government because if they appreciated all the value it gave, they would be obligated to pay for it and not slash taxes and spending.  People don't want to give more money to taxes, so they find a way to devalue the government services they receive even when said services are by almost any standard the best deal there is (from railroads to the Internet, from higher education to the NSF, nobody provides better value for money except in rare cases, because government benefits from economies of scale AND public oversight). That means that no matter what you do for the public, it will be systematically, repeatedly, and ferociously maligned by people who would rather see might-makes-right than a democracy, and the sad thing is, your customers, the public, will believe them, because they, the public, have an interest in paying fewer taxes (in the short term). So don't do what I did, kids. Don't work for "rewarding". "Rewarding" is a code word for, "You'd better like patting yourself on the back as much as you like trips to the coast or a decent car, because that's all you're going to get (a pat on the back from yourself)."

 

"Rewarding" means, "feel good about giving up your life for society (even though I wouldn't and I think you're rather stupid for falling for that line)."

 

 

I don't want my kids to face that.

[Seasider]

There's one profession and another degree program I've steered mine away from - IF any of them were seriously interested and pled a good case, I wouldn't stand in the way. But there's SO much to choose from! My bit of opinion sharing. Really hasn't hindered them in any way.

[LMV]

We really haven't tried to steer towards or away from anything.  We've tried to ensure that we are providing our kids with good practical life skills and a broad enough and deep enough education that all necessary doors are open for them to find and follow their passion.

 

ETA: we do tell our dc not to go to law school unless they've thought of nothing else. dh and I both have law degrees.

 

My husband is an attorney.  He is probably coming at this from a slightly different perspective because he really enjoys his work and is compensated well for it. For these reasons he wouldn't steer our kids away from pursuing a career in law but he would encourage them to make sure they had a plan for their career in law.  He would steer our kids away from just pursuing a JD without a plan for how they are going to use that degree [or certain things they want to do which necessitate having a JD]. 

 

So far DH is 0 for 3 with the kids and law school.  His godson is a detective with our state police force, his son is a surgery intern, and our eldest daughter is studying molecular biology/biochemistry with plans for at least medical school and maybe MD-PhD.  That brings us to DD14 who currently thinks she wants to be a judge so law school is kind of a pre-requisite.

[Susan in TN]

I'm hoping to steer ds10 and dd8 into auto mechanics and/or plumbing. Though I have heard that the elevator industry is great if you are interested in construction, it's not as useful to me personally. :D

[madteaparty]

I'm not wise enough to steer one way or another. My DS is impressionable and no way do I want that on my shoulders. I'm certain I will be blamed for plenty as it is ;)

ETA: I do advise in terms of "whatever you do, do the most complicated/skill intensive version of that particular work" and encouraging intellectual curiosity and lifelong learning. Fields are way too broad to steer into or out of: a finance lawyer structuring complex derivatives has a different existence than an IP lawyer and from the trusts and estates lawyer. Similarly in finance: banking? Research? Private equity? Corporate finance? The blanket term basically means nothing.

[PinkTulip]

DH and I are both attorneys, and I am steering my boys away from following in our footsteps. For starters, law school is very expensive and good jobs are very difficult to come by if you don't go to a top school. Also, it is a very stressful profession with a lot of contentious relationships. If you're not the type of person who can compartmentalize your emotions, it can be stressful on your family when you've had a rough day at work.

 

DH and I have our own law firm so we avoid a lot of the billable hour pressure of most firms, but I definitely wouldn't do it again if I knew then what I know now.

[PuddleJumper1]

Teaching. Dh and I are both certified teachers and love our chosen professions but we would not encourage our children in that direction. I am a SAHM so we are one income. In the area we live teacher's salaries are horrible. It is not the most lucrative means to support a family. Dh works 2 other part time jobs in addition to full time teaching just to make ends meet. 

 

Neither of our children have any desire to go in that direction so it's a non-issue for us  :001_smile:

[Stratford]

I had to laugh when I read this.  I've been trying to convince one of my kids that dentistry is the way to go - we have pretty awful teeth in this family, I figure having a dentist would be quite convenient.  

 

In all seriousness, though, DH and I have given this a lot of thought.  He had a lot of "steering" as a kid, ended up in an engineering program that he hated, transferred and wound up with a business/finance degree, which he doesn't really love but it works.  I had almost zero "steering" and, after trying out about ten very different majors, took six years to graduate with a nursing degree.  There has to be a middle ground and it's our goal to find it with our kids!  We plan on giving them as much real-life exposure to different career paths as we possibly can.  And, obviously, a well-rounded education that would allow them to pursue whatever field of study they choose.  

[bettyandbob]

Awhile back dd was talking about careers and trying to analyze them from the perspective "what career can I have that will allow me to take care of little brother." My younger ds has down syndrome and will always need to live with us. I have worked very hard to get that idea out of dd's head. The last thing I want is for her to plan her life around responsibility for her sibling.

[4ofus]

Stratford,

 

I was steered away from ONE goal. I never could establish another goal. I flailed around school a while, then just worked a while, then finally received a nursing degree. 

 

I agree, there has to be some kind of middle ground between no guidance~loosey goosey & path laid out for you. I just am not sure what it is. There's so much more available in the world of work than I can even talk to my kids about or show them. 

 

I also think kids are all different in the amount of "steering" they need. Some kids just KNOW what they want & they can't wait to get started on it. Even if the plan changes, that's okay, they're still driving the train.  Other kids, at 18, still just don't have a plan yet. I'm thinking these kids could use steering... or could have used steering before this time!! 

 

 

[marbel]

 I don't really try to steer too much.  My father steered me toward a field I had no interest in nor aptitude for.  The result was that I quit college after 2 years, got my first D on a grade report and was thankful for it, and ended up feeling like a huge disappointment to my parents (which as it turned out, I wasn't).   I just try to get them to think about things that fit their skills and temperament.  My daughter is an artist, and wants to major in art, so we talk about the fact that most artists don't actually make money at that so she needs a plan for making a living while she creates art.  But I am not going to try to steer my kids toward certain careers simply because they have the potential to make a lot of money.  

[bettyandbob]

one more thing.

 

I planned my dc's K12 education so that as many doors would be open to them as possible when they finished high school. To me being able to read, analyze and write well goes with any field, so on top of that I made sure my kids were solid in math. When ds was was in K and I was preparing the homeschool the next year I looked at high school and thought if possible I want him to get through calc, what do I need to do know and back up each year to first grade to plan what I had to do.  I think that's just trying to provide a good solid educational foundation. Basically, I wanted my dc to have a solid foundation so they could go into Engineering or Linguistics or Art History or Finance.

 

If one of them had shown an extreme talent or interest in one area or had an LD, I would have adjusted to accomodate needs.

 

 

[mamaraby]

I'm trying not to do any "steering." I was "steered." I could talk about lifelong dissatisfaction, things I'm good at, but don't really care about, things I wished I'd tried, things I should have done when I didn't have "responsibilities.

Dh was "steered" into a career path among other things. His parents "steered" him all over the place. He does not look upon that kindly and has a list of things he wishes he had done differently. Some of these he could maybe go back and do over, but many he cannot and none of it is possible with the responsibilities that come with kids and house and all that.

 

Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

 

Don't steer. Give kids space to find out who they are in their very essence, pursue interests, identify their own talents, etc.

[Farrar]

My main thing is to steer my kids away from thinking that their job has to be the way they find their calling and fulfillment. It's great when it works out, but I've seen too many people in unhappy jobs that feel trapped by them when the solution is probably to look for a way to find fulfillment in other ways. I think the key is to find something to do that you can live with and not pin all your happiness on something so completely out of your control as what job you can get.

[Pink and Green Mom]

DH and I are both attorneys, and I am steering my boys away from following in our footsteps. For starters, law school is very expensive and good jobs are very difficult to come by if you don't go to a top school. Also, it is a very stressful profession with a lot of contentious relationships. If you're not the type of person who can compartmentalize your emotions, it can be stressful on your family when you've had a rough day at work.

 

DH and I have our own law firm so we avoid a lot of the billable hour pressure of most firms, but I definitely wouldn't do it again if I knew then what I know now.

 

Was just coming to post the same thing.  I tell people the only time I would even consider going to law school in this day and age would be if:  (1) I could do so for free, (2) it was an Ivy League school, and (3) I had many, many contacts in the field.

 

If I knew then what I know now, I would have never gone to law school or practiced at a big firm for 8 years (after year 1 I stuck around just because I had to pay off my $100k in debt).  Working 14-16 hours per day, 6 days per week is no way to live a life.

[violamama]

The steering we do involves mostly the big picture. I am hard wired to steer, so I have decided I better at least give them freedom to figure out where they want to go and then they can use my advice when they get there.

 

1. Specialize

2. Be ready for auxiliary careers and careers within careers. Try not to get set for just one version.

3. Consider how your job can serve your life (schedules, level of autonomy vs control, pay)

4. Even in a dream job work is sometimes work. Prepare to do it anyway, and to show up consistently throughout your life.

[Laura Corin]

I steer the boys towards the best universities they can achieve, but not into particular fields.  I went to an interesting talk at Warwick university (which has done a lot of good analysis on how students achieve and how they find good jobs).  Their conclusion is that the most important things for future careers (in the UK) are a) a good university and b ) a good degree (degrees are graded).  So their prescription is to go to the best university you can achieve, and study the thing that you love.  When you have that essay to write, if you love the subject, then you will get it done and get a good degree.

 

Calvin is studying English and Classics at a good university.

 

L

[Lawyer&Mom]

I wouldn't steer away from law.  But you have to have a plan, and I would steer away from any plan that required Big Law.  First, you don't know if you will actually make the grades to get hired by a big firm, and second you probably don't want to live that life.

 

I'm happy as a government attorney, and fortunate that I only had to pay about 1/3 of my law school expenses  My debt about equaled my starting salary and it's been just fine.

 

I have a friend who is happy as a public interest lawyer, but she actively sought out a very affordable public law school to keep her debt low.

 

We both knew what kind of attorneys we wanted to be before we started, and I think that is key.  Also, assume that you will graduate no higher than the middle of your class.  Do students in the middle of your school have opportunities that make the cost worthwhile?  What about the bottom third?  Law school is not the place to assume you will be the best.

[Laura Corin]

Away from poetry. Towards anything else :)

 

Hollow laugh here.

 

L

[FriedClams]

No lawyers. Bad family history.

 

I won't pay for a degree without jobs. I will pay for a minor in an area that's not lucrative - art, etc. I'm not all about the money off it, but I think paying $100,000 for a degree where you can make $28,000/year is bad math.

 

I always joke with my kids they should be a weekend dentist/ortho. Work Thursday and Friday nights, all day Saturday and charge a premium. They could even go in with another doc. Sweet.

[SeaConquest]

My children are not allowed to be lawyers. Less than half of my law school classmates are practicing today because they were so miserable -- myself included.

[bettyandbob]

ya'll idolizing dentists and orthodontists do realize some of the days not seeing patients are spent dealing with insurance and managing the business. Dentists and orthodontists are small business owners and entreprenuers. You need the skills and personality to deal with that aspect of the work, not just be good with teeth.

[Farrar]

OTOH, as someone who had no steering and was allowed to go and do what her little teen heart longed to do...some wise guidance never goes astray.

 

I agree with the poster upthread who said there has to be a middle path between all or nothing.

 

 

Very much agreed. I had very little steering and I wish I had gotten more. I don't want to push my kids into or away from anything in particular, but I want them to go into fields with their eyes open and with thinking about the future. No one ever helped me think about what might be the end goal of education. It was just, go to college. Nothing beyond that. I want my kids to consider what's the goal, what's the purpose, what's the career... or if the career isn't likely going to happen, is it worth it? I don't have a path in mind - they have to find that. The guidance is about giving them the whole map so they can draw their own route on it instead of doing it blind.

[Guest submarines]

What would it be & why?

 

I just tried to reach the orthodontist...their hours are M-R 8:30-5, lunch from 11:45-2:15. 1/2 day on Friday.

 

The dentist we use has similar hours, but is additionally closed one weekday.

 

This boggles my mind!!  AND it made me think (rather tongue-in-cheek) "I should've been a dentist!" Haha.

 

Which led me to the tangent that is this question. That's how my mind works...one shiny thought & I'm off to never-never land :).

 

 

 

ETA: Based on the world today & what you anticipate of the world tomorrow, more than your particular child's strengths.  What do you think is a good gig today & what do you think will be a good gig tomorrow & why ;)>.

 

I remember hearing about a study that dentists have a really high rate of depression. Something about not being able to relate to their patients--as the patients can't talk with them.

 

I personally think it is an awful occupation (difficult, stressful). I don't like the idea of steering, but if anything I'd steer away, unless this child absolutely loved the idea of being a dentist--not for the money, but for the other things. I had a dentist like this once--she was just so excited to be just looking at someone's teeth. I think she was mildly obsessed with teeth.

 

[Tap]

Ds20 is quite gifted in math and science.  He would have done well in many fields which require logic and minute details, but he is also an extreme extrovert.  He can get to the point of depression if he is not around people at least every other day, and really needs people to interact with every day to stay truly healthy. And not just one other person, he needs groups of people.  LOL  I didn't really understand how much he needed that until he was in his mid/late teens and he was able to finally voice that to me.  Had I steered him into a career, he would have been miserable, because I would have steered him into math/science based on his aptitudes  (and early loves) in those areas.

 

 He has been a tutor for 4 years now and one of the things he Hates about the job is grading papers.  Sitting at a desk, and just doing the rote action of grading, is very, very hard for him.  He is the fasted and most accurate at his job, because he works so hard and fast to get it done, not because he likes it

.  LOL

 

 

He considered pharmacy school due to wages, but settled in a very different profession of Ministry.  LOL  He is thinking about a second career of either counseling or social work.    Just about as far away from his original chemistry major as you can get.  LOL  But it feeds his need for constant company and he is able to use his love of logic and memory for details to delve very deep into the Bible and other books based around faith.  He still uses his gifts, just in another way.

[Mergath]

I don't plan to do any steering, but I'm not going to sugarcoat things when dd is a teen and begins to seriously think about what she wants to do in the future.  

 

The only thing I can think of is that if she wanted to go to Hollywood and try to get into acting, I would absolutely try to deter her.  Between the drugs and stories of sexual abuse, I'd rather have her do anything else.

[madteaparty]

I can't believe the law hate. I'm going to resist becoming an apologist for the field; everyone is entitled to their truth and all that. To that end, it has worked out just fine for me and the majority of my classmates.