Eating Crow - A S/O survey

[Incognito]

Thinking about people saying "I will NEVER" got me wondering if age is the main difference between people willing to say NEVER and those not.  I wish I could do multivariable analysis, but let's start with that one question.  Ever eaten crow?

 

I've found that especially in the last few years, a lot of my NEVERs have become my life.  It isn't actually that horrible or anything, it's just that I feel that with growing older and having more kids and blah blah blah, things change and I have come around on things and it doesn't really bother me that much.  How about you?

[bluemongoose]

The one I example off the top of my head was driving a minivan.  I hate them and never ever wanted to own one.  We own 2  :blush5: .  One is the family van...the other is the old family van with the back seats out and is now the family "truck".  We live in a rainy area, so it is like having a back end of a truck without being rained on.  It is very convenient for grocery shopping!  But I still hate minivans and if I could responsibly change for a suburban I would in a heartbeat, but the gas prices and the price of buying a different car when we dont need one....

[kitten18]

My most memorable "I'll never" was "I'll never drive a minivan".

Hahaha, I've been driving my odyssey for 9 years now and I love it. DH is really starting to push me to get a new car but I'm not ready to give up my minivan.

[Meriwether]

I never wanted my kids to have so much that people have a hard time buying them gifts. Thanks to my own over-indulgence, generous siblings, and an aunt that garage sales my kids have way too much stuff.

[twooakharborhicks]

I was never having kids, and if I did I certainly wasn't going to home school them like my mom home schooled me.  I learned before age 22 to never say never.

[plumshadow]

With 2 kids under my belt, the oldest being 13, I felt confident in saying I would NEVER open food while grocery shopping for a cranky toddler.  Actually, thanks to my 2 year old I will probably never go hungry again. I should start learning different ways to prepare crow to make it more palatable.

[ocelotmom]

Back when DS was young, we took a trip that involved a flight over Nevada. I looked down at the desolate landscape and decided that this was one place I NEVER wanted to live.

 

I'm currently living right in the middle of that area, though slightly less desolate because of irrigation.

 

That and a few other things have led me to decide that saying I'll never do something is a challenge to the universe that will make it inevitable that I will do that.

[Paige]

I'm over 30 now, but had to change many of my "never's" to things I do and support well before I turned 30. I had kids in my early 20s and I think that may have accelerated the changes.

[gaillardia]

Just a couple of my nevers: marriage, kids, living in Dallas/Ft. Worth.

Now: married, seven kids, guess where I live.

[maize]

I can't remember having to change any nevers, but then I don't remember ever saying never...

[Tmhearn]

I could not understand why people had their kids sleep in the bed with them. I would NEVER do that... Can you guess where I'm going with this?? Yea, 9 years later, we still have 2 in the bed with us.

[DragonFaerie]

When they first came out, I swore up and down that I would NEVER have something so "yuppie" as a car phone (the original "cell" phones had to be plugged into the car when they first came out, for all you young 'uns out there :D).  Then, after years of having a cell phone, I swore I would never text.  Now, my texting bill is higher than my minutes bill, and I am firmly attached to my phone.  *sigh*  Obviously never came a lot sooner than I would have expected. :lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I can't remember having to change any nevers, but then I don't remember ever saying never...

This.  I've been careful about making "promises" (in the form of never statements) that I might not be able to keep.  

[sassenach]

I guess homeschooling would be my biggest example!

[fraidycat]

I can't remember having to change any nevers, but then I don't remember ever saying never...

This is me, too. It could be one of two things 1) My memory is rather dull, so I don't remember my "never", or 2) I learned from my Mom. She is living a few "never" statements. :) She was never marrying a Catholic, never marrying a farmer, never having adult children live at home. She is happily married (41 years) to a Catholic farmer and my sister is still mooching at home. :P

[Julie Smith]

When I was younger I use to say, "when I grew up I would..."

Like to Live in a small house

Not own my own car since driving is a pain

Never drink coffee or acholic drinks

Not be picky about clothes

Not wear make-up

... ...

 

And so many many, many people told me that I would chance my mind about those and many other things.

 

I was right on all accounts.

 

Ps. My mother is till waiting for me to grow up and stop play wrestling with my brother.

[Alenee]

I said I would never send my kids to public school.  My eldest is in her first year if ps, 9th grade and now this coming year, my other two are heading into ps as well.  BUUUUUUT, I'm also starting nursing school so my never HAD to change to make this happen.  :)

[texasmama]

I budget my "nevers" very, very carefully.  I dislike the taste of crow.

 

ETA:  Please add me to the never a minivan club, as in "Now you can quote me on this!  I don't care how old I am or how many kids I have, I will NEVER drive a minivan."  Been driving one or another since 2001.  To be fair, I lived in "cool car" land prior to kids.  (old Mustang, red 300ZX- I used to be cool...)

 

[trulycrabby]

"I will never wear mom jeans!" Well, at 51, I'm just not comfortable in low rise jeans anymore, so I broke down and got some NYDJ jeans, and the 10 inch rise is really, really comfy. :o Now, if I could just find a really long, light-weight denim skirt, my life would be complete!

 

Oh another one! I never EVER wanted a little, yappy dog. Well, yeah, thanks to relatives and the pound, we've got two Silky terriers, a Chi Pin, and possibly a six pound Yorkie. Someone opens the front door and it's an EXPLOSION of barking.

 

And don't even get me started on the cats...NO CATS! Yet every three-legged, one-eyed, flea infested feline in town manages to find its way to our door looking very hungry, and they're all pregnant...I just cannot turn away a poor unwed mamma kitty. Our vet loves us, needless to say.

[texasmama]

And don't even get me started on the cats...NO CATS! Yet every three-legged, one-eyed, flea infested feline in town manages to find its way to our door looking very hungry, and they're all pregnant...I just cannot turn away a poor unwed mamma kitty. Our vet loves us, needless to say.

spit coffee on the laptop funny!

[daffodil]

Before becoming a mom I thought I would NEVER stay home with my kids and certainly not homeschool.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I don't think I had any "nevers," because I can usually see both sides of most situations, but I've had to eat crow over a few "Why on earth would anyone ever..." which is just about the same thing! Breastfeeding, staying home with my kids, and being a fairly "traditional" at-home wife are the first few that come to mind  :blush:

 

After the first few, I learned pretty fast to catch myself when I think along those lines. You just never know how life will play out until you get there yourself. Parenting has taught me that lesson repeatedly!

 

That and a few other things have led me to decide that saying I'll never do something is a challenge to the universe that will make it inevitable that I will do that.

 

Yep. DH and I have an understanding about that, and we catch each other so we can unjinx ourselves. 

[TracyP]

I hate using never, because I swear somebody in the cosmos sees it as a challenge. I have had to eat my words on a few occasions. A couple things were small and one was a big, huge, ginormous....thing. I also hate to hear others say never. I want to say, "Oh, you poor thing. Do you know what you've done?" :lol:

 

And there is the flip side of this. I know people who will make themselves miserable just so they don't go back on their never. These are, of course, the most vocal never users. I feel bad for their family members, because they often get hurt by this kind of stubbornness.

[gardenmom5]

I remember the day I wanted to apologize to my mother for being such a difficult child.  to put in perspective, I was a piece of cake compared to my siblings - but when I was very young, she did not hide the fact I drove her nuts.

 

dudeling had many of the same aspie traits as me - and I understood how stressful it is to deal with as a parent, even when you have the mental fortitude to do so.  having been that child - it has helped me to deal with him.  (but that didn't make it easy.)

 

I would have apologized to her for being a difficult child, but she was already deceased.

[gardenmom5]

I hate using never, because I swear somebody in the cosmos sees it as a challenge. I have had to eat my words on a few occasions. A couple things were small and one was a big, huge, ginormous....thing. I also hate to hear others say never. I want to say, "Oh, you poor thing. Do you know what you've done?" :lol:

 

And there is the flip side of this. I know people who will make themselves miserable just so they don't go back on their never. These are, of course, the most vocal never users. I feel bad for their family members, because they often get hurt by this kind of stubbornness.

 

someone wrote into miss manners about something similar - complaining in fact of people saying something similar and wanting to know her opinion. 

 

her response was "gentle reader. miss manners thinks this is your first child."  (she added some more thoughts to the effect of - as your children get older, you'll eventually change your tune.)

 

[Camelfeet]

I was never going to have kids - NEVER.  Even got a tattoo on my stomach because I'd never be pregnant so stretching skin wouldn't be a problem...  

I was never going to get married.

I was never going to be financially dependent on another person.

I was never going to vote differently than I did at 18. (HAHAHA)

 

So many nevers...  so much delicious crow.

[SproutMamaK]

I was never going to homeschool, ever. I had homeschooled friends and they were WEIRD, man. I started homeschooling my kids at 28.
I was never going to have a homebirth. That's for irresponsible crazy people. Guess what I'm going for in a couple weeks?
I was NEVER going to get a tattoo.... and yep.

A few were "broken" before 30, but I'm currently older than 30, so I'm not sure which choice I should be making in your poll.

[Night Elf]

I honestly cannot think of a single thing I said 'never' about that made me eat crow. But I'll admit I'm a fairly boring person and that might have something to do with it. I'm feeling abnormal now. My 'nevers' are serious things though, like I'll never skydive or abuse drugs. I guess there is a possibility I can become addicted to a pain medication though, as some people do, if I have a serious medical problem so maybe I shouldn't say never about that.

[LibraryLover]

Well, I know I would never buy a Land Rover, say, unless it was electric, or something. So there are some nevers for me. There are political nevers, too.

 

But my life has changed so much recently, and in ways I never, ever considered. Where I am now is absolutely not where I thought I'd be, and especially at my age. ;)  Life is very interesting and fluid, for sure.

[Amy in NH]

I try not to use them.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Instead of nevers, I've had "I'm committed to" statements with corresponding reasons.  So I am committed to homeschooling because I think it is best for my kids.  That allows me to change to another form of schooling if it were to become best for my kids.  I was committed to breastfeeding even though it was very difficult for me, because I felt that it was best for my kids.  My commitment allowed me to see it through with ds but with dd, who weaned herself all in one day when she was 10 months old and never looked back, I had to switch my commitment to the best way of feeding her in our new reality.  

[KrissiK]

Well..... Yeah! So much I am superstitious about it.

1) "I will never work in a fast food restaurant!" Got me through college!

2) "once I leave this two-bit town, I'm never coming back". We are raising our children less than 1/2 mile from where I grew up.

3) " I will never buy a mini-van!" Love my Sienna!

 

I'm sure there are other things, but those are the ones that stick out at the moment! I truly am superstitious about saying "never!"

[Paige]

Maybe I should say that I will never be independently wealthy living happily on a beautiful tropical island surrounded by my healthy, happy relatives who are all wonderfully productive and self-fulfilled and see if the universe takes up that challenge.

[Jerico]

I voted other because I have eaten crow but I don't remember announcing any nevers to anyone but my husband and myself. Being a private person has saved me some embarrassment :)

[TracyP]

Maybe I should say that I will never be independently wealthy living happily on a beautiful tropical island surrounded by my healthy, happy relatives who are all wonderfully productive and self-fulfilled and see if the universe takes up that challenge.

 

Brilliant, I tell you. Brilliant! :D

[Soror]

I don't know that I've used the term ¨I'll never¨ all that much but I've had plenty of things I've thought would never change and have. I've realized I can be entirely opposed or for something at one time but then change my mind. Often times it has been to my own limited experience or ignorance, of course at the time I didn't realize that I was ignorant. Now I'm more likely to wonder what I don't know. These days I think I do the best I can at the time with the info I have and if that changes then I change. I'm a lot more forgiving of myself and others. None of that means I don't live out my convictions but I recognize now that so many things don't deserve the importance and stress we give them. 

 

My general likes and character haven't changed (for the most part- I would like to think I'm a better person than I was in my youth when I thought way too much about what was right and how enlightened I was). I still value most of the same things, although not all. A lot of things I've said never about I've not actually done but I no longer subscribe to never because I don't find the attitude to be helpful for myself or others- with exception to things like grave wrongs- like crimes and such.

 

One example I thought of irt to parenting. I said I would never even consider medicating for ADHD that is for lazy parents who don't want to take the time to play with their kids and give them time to be active. - We're not medicating but I can certainly understand why parents would and I see it as a viable choice. I was utterly ignorant about ADHD (and other labels) and their real effect and causes. 

[Joker]

Dh and I said we would NEVER live in Florida. When job searching once he even told the recruiter the very same thing. He would relocate anywhere - except FL. This summer will mark 10 years since we moved to the Sunshine State...

[catz]

This was much more likely when I was below about 25. Now I really pretty much never say never about anything and don't spend any time at all worrying about other people's life choices. A 21 year old me would be would look at a decision someone else made and think "wow - that's stupid. I'll never make that mistake." Different strokes for different folks. It is such a waste of emotional energy to be comparing or wondering. Life is good as is. (ETA I am now 43).

[Incognito]

Now, with some answers, I'm realizing that this board is likely thoroughly inhabited by people over 30.  Ha.  Oh well!  It is fun to know that my crow consumption has been done in good company!

[MrsJewelsRae]

Before I had kids I would say I'd never leave my boys uncircumcised- thought it was gross. Both my boys are intact after someone convinced me to watch a circ video. ;)

 

I said I'd never spoil my kids like some people who never let their babies cry to sleep. I ended up never using CIO and even co-slept and slinged my babies! ;)

 

I said we'd never have pets because of allergies. Last summer at one point we had 40 chickens, 2 ducks, 5 turkeys, 4 rabbits, 2 cats and a dog!!!

 

I will say that we'll never have that many animals at once again- it was exhausting! We're down to a dog and a few barn cats. We'll get a few more freezer and egg chickens this spring, maybe a few turkeys... But that's it! ;)

[SKL]

This is why having children is such a humbling experience.

 

Some things I was never gonna do that I have done:

• Prep my kid for standardized tests
• Be involved in my kids' homework
• Let my kids eat in my car, regularly
• Buy the non-birthday-girl a gift on her sister's birthday
• Let my kids "talk to me that way"
• Let my kids get away with imperfect manners in a restaurant
• Put my kids in extracurriculars most days of the week
• Spend so much on non-essentials
• Serve meals without vegetables, often
• Excuse my kids from cleaning their plates, often
• Clean up after my kids almost 100% of the time
• Force my kids to practice an instrument
• Hire a nanny
• Hire a maid
• Looks like this could go on all day....

[Wheres Toto]

I can only think of one but I guess it was a biggie.  I was never going to get remarried after my divorce.

[*Inna*]

Crow is a staple in my house. ;)

[Erica in OR]

I told my mom "I would never marry a pastor" days before I met my now DH. Can you guess his profession?

 

Erica in OR

[BarbecueMom]

Never going to own a minivan.

Never going to let my kids drink juice.

Always going to let them help with meals in the kitchen and not get frustrated and throw them out.

 

Yeah, I just threw them out while they were "helping" with dinner, because they were fighting over an empty apple juice jug that I use as a toilet-on-the-go... in my minivan!

[Misha]

Three of the most adamant nevers in my 20's and early 30's - never move away from NYC, never marry, and never reproduce.

In the years since, I've done all three, more than once. :001_smile:

[SharonM]

I know that there must have been more than a few nevers that I had to back up on.  But I said that I would never own a minivan... and I never have!  so far... suvs all the way.

[Lucy the Valiant]

Homeschooling.

[Tap]

Yep, cooked eaten and then ate it again....and again, and again.  LOL

 

We had two kids, a  boy and a girl.  My husband had a vasectomy, I had ablation. No more babies in our family.  I always said it would take two miracles for us to have another. We Never, not even once talked about having a third child.  We had Zero intention of a third.  Then we get a phone call asking if we would consider helping out by taking our niece in for a for a couple of months.  We figured it may be a year (because you know things never go as planned) and maybe even 2, but that would be it and we would be back down to 2 kiddos.   Well.....we finalized our guardianship when dd7 was 2yo and she isn't going home.   BIG ole' serving of crow on that one! 

 

 

I also  said that my kids wouldn't have to deal with acne because I would make sure to take them to the dermatologist ASAP when they started getting it (I know some kinds aren't easy to treat but I am talking about regular acne).  Dh struggled as a teen, and myself in my 20s so I wasn't going to let them suffer.  Well, there is this little thing called   "the kid actually has to use the medication!"  Even if you take them and you pay for it, if they don't care then they just forget and don't use it. :cursing: .   LOL  Unfortunately, Ds19 now has unreversable scars but has finally has started using his meds to prevent new ones.  :hurray:

 

oh, then many servings of crow I have eaten! 

[TravelingChris]

Just funny ones that no one called on me.  Things like I wouldn't get married (said at young age), not have children naturally (only adoption)- plan in my college years.Never buy appliances for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries- I wanted and got a freezer last year for a present.,Then even with children= that I would be having a career outside the home -but that wasn't a never type of thing- just the plan.  Of course that plan changed when my dh decided to stay in the military, I developed chronic illnesses, and my kids all had medical issues as well as my seeing that homeschooling them would be the best thing for them.