This shouldn't bother me, right?

[Ann.without.an.e]

Every year my family gives DH and me a gift card for our favorite restaurant for Christmas.  Every year DH uses it for our anniversary, which is the first week of January.  Why does this bother me?  I mean, we are especially tight financially after Christmas.  At the same time, we rarely take dates and I would love for that to be for a non-anniversary date.  This is trivial and I really don't care that much, but it does bother me a little.  That's silly, right?

[Lisbeth]

No, I would think it is kind of cheating. Like giving an engagement ring for Christmas. Or giving necessities for Christmas.

[Dandelion]

I completely understand why it bothers you.  At least I think I do, because I too do not like gift cards, coupons, etc. being used for our anniversary dinner.  

 

DH did that once, and to me it just felt like it cheapened the occasion.  For whatever reason, I feel like our anniversary dinner needs to be full-price, unencumbered by any special deals.  It may be irrational, but it is what it is.  :p

[poppy]

I get it, you'd be going there anyway, so it cheats you out of a special trip to the restaurant.

In your shoes I'd just view it as giving an anniversary dinner as a Christmas present. Which is not a bad gift, obviously.

[gardenmom5]

have you shared your feelings with your dh?  if not, do so.  let him know you'd like to go there sometime during the year "just becasue".

 

eta: depending upon the place, I don't have a problem with a coupon.  it can open up opportunties for spending on other things on the menu that wouldn't otherwise have been there.  some years we've used them, others we haven't.  it really depends upon where we're going.  I want to choose this year.  last year, dh chose what I consider an overpriced pretentious stuffy place with okay nouvelle cusine.  (we haven't been there for years, and dh really wanted to go.  and they have coupons)  This year, I want my fabulous  :drool5:  french food, old wood floors, used brick walls, and a killer view, restaurant.  (I don't care if they don't have coupons.)

[EKS]

I guess I don't get it.  If finances are tight at the time your anniversary occurs, wouldn't it make them more tight if you were to pay for the anniversary dinner out of pocket?  Doesn't all the money come from the same pot and isn't the gift card part of that pot? 

 

If you want a second dinner out, why don't you use the gift card for the anniversary dinner when finances are tight and then agree to do another dinner out when they are less tight? 

 

Is this making any sense?

[Mandylubug]

Well, our anniversary is in February and therefore we don't celebrate Valentine's day. It is a one meal deal... I don't feel cheated that month but I will admit, I don't like Valentine's as a holiday. I may be upset if my Christmas gift was always used to pay for our Anniversary. Not sure, though. Tough one.

[marbel]

I get it, and I would probably feel the same way.  But I think I would talk myself out of it, because, all in all, it doesn't really matter where the money came from.  I think it might make me feel a little more free to order something more expensive, or a 2nd glass of wine, or whatever.

 

One of my most fond Christmas memories is the year my sister sold Avon and gave me a huge box of the things I bought:  soap, hand cream, deodorant.  I was well-set for necessities for a good long while that year.  I was broke and living on my own, so that freed up some of the money I would have spent on necessities to buy something more frivolous.  At that time it probably would have been a book.  So, I think necessities can be fun as well.

 

 

[Joker]

It wouldn't bother me.

[Tap]

Either say something or honestly, I would just flip it back on him.  Start saving an extra $10 a month now for Christmas next year.  For Christmas, give him a gift card for the anniversary dinner (make sure there is more than enough so the other one doesn't get touched) and then you can save your gift for a future dinner. :thumbup:

[mom2scouts]

Our anniversary is also the first week of January and it wouldn't bother me.  I would be happy that we could spend time together at our favorite restaurant and not have to think about it being a strain on our finances.

[trinchick]

I'm a pragmatist, so I'd be happy to use the gift card for my anniversary and feel like I could enjoy the evening more knowing I wasn't going to have to pull the money out of some other budget category.

 

However, if you feel like you're getting shorted because DH isn't actually paying for the evening, maybe let him know. Or could you say something like, "We're so lucky that mom and dad gave us a gift card we can use for our anniversary dinner. That frees up some money for gifts to each other this year!"

[marbel]

I'm a pragmatist, so I'd be happy to use the gift card for my anniversary and feel like I could enjoy the evening more knowing I wasn't going to have to pull the money out of some other budget category.

 

However, if you feel like you're getting shorted because DH isn't actually paying for the evening, maybe let him know. Or could you say something like, "We're so lucky that mom and dad gave us a gift card we can use for our anniversary dinner. That frees up some money for gifts to each other this year!"

 

Now, I have to say I would never do that, because my husband might agree and I'd have to think of a gift for him!  Ugh!  Twice a year trying to figure out a gift for him is enough!  :lol:

 

(He also would be mystified by that comment.  He'd never understand why it would bother me to use the gift card that way.  I don't think he's unusual, though of course I am not sure about that.)

[Cosmos]

Do you feel bothered because your anniversary dinner isn't "full price" or do you feel bothered because you are being "cheated" out of a second date?

 

If the second one is the problem, I would just suggest that you start a new tradition of scheduling a "half anniversary date" each year in July. Then you are guaranteed two nice dinners each year, spread out so the financial hit isn't so bad. Unless of course someone gives you a gift card to pay for one or the other. Personally I can't understand why that part would bother someone, so I am assuming it's the feeling of missing out on a second date.

[texasmama]

The fact is that you are bothered, whether you "should" be or not, so in this case, I would find an opportunity to talk to dh about it.  He may be unaware it is an issue for you.

[Farrar]

I get it, you'd be going there anyway, so it cheats you out of a special trip to the restaurant.

In your shoes I'd just view it as giving an anniversary dinner as a Christmas present. Which is not a bad gift, obviously.

 

I would probably be a little bothered too, but I like this reframing of it.  When you get the gift next year, think, "Wasn't it nice that they gave us a nice anniversary dinner out!"

[Forget-Me-Not]

Well, our anniversary is in February and therefore we don't celebrate Valentine's day. It is a one meal deal... I don't feel cheated that month but I will admit, I don't like Valentine's as a holiday. I may be upset if my Christmas gift was always used to pay for our Anniversary. Not sure, though. Tough one.

My birthday AND our wedding anniversary are in Feb. When DH and I got engaged, I stated explicitly that those and Valentines were three separate holidays :)

 

I totally get it, OP, and it would bother me too. He is, in essence, taking one of your Christmas gifts and reconditioning it into an anniversary gift.

[Word Nerd]

Every year my family gives DH and me a gift card for our favorite restaurant for Christmas.  Every year DH uses it for our anniversary, which is the first week of January.  Why does this bother me?  I mean, we are especially tight financially after Christmas.  At the same time, we rarely take dates and I would love for that to be for a non-anniversary date.  This is trivial and I really don't care that much, but it does bother me a little.  That's silly, right?

 

Have you ever expressed to him that it bothers you? He obviously sees it differently than you do. I don't think he's done anything wrong if you've never shared why it upsets you.

[HS Mom in NC]

If you don't want to use the card for your anniversary and prefer saving it for a future date night, then say so out loud.  No one can read your mind-not even your husband.

[Ann.without.an.e]

No, I have never directly expressed it to DH.  I feel like my feelings about it are childish and I always just "get over it".  It isn't about the money spent.  I really could care less how much is spent on our anniversary dinner and it definitely wouldn't bother me if he used a coupon. We just don't get to go on dates very often and I would love for the gift card to be for a fun date.  Money spent is money spent and I get that completely, but you see the date won't come later....the card will be used for our anniversary and the $ won't be in the budget for a date later.  Also, it is our favorite restaurant for just going to on a date, but I would honestly love something a little nicer and out of the ordinary for our anniversary - if that makes sense?  The food is good, but it is just a standard, chain sit down restaurant.  I either need to get over it or talk to him.  I wanted other's opinions so I could decide what is best :/

[Word Nerd]

Could you say something like: "I heard that XYZ Restaurant is really good. Maybe we should try it for our anniversary!"

[goldberry]

I respect your feelings, but for myself, it would never occur to me.  At all. 

 

That said, if it bothers you, I'm with everyone else.  Tell him you want to save it for a future date night.

[happypamama]

I can see why it bothers you.  I expect that your family probably thinks, "Well, Susie loves this restaurant, and we're really glad we can make it so that she and Joe can celebrate such a special day at their favorite restaurant, when they might not be able to otherwise."  And that makes sense, but I do see why it would bother you.  I think I would suggest to your DH something like, "The holidays are so busy, and I know money is tight, but with our anniversary being right after Christmas, I think I would enjoy doing something low-key for our anniversary, and taking a special date night later on in the year, in the summer [or whatever time is usually a no-celebration, nothing particularly special time for you]."

[sassenach]

It would not bother me at all. I mean, what's the alternative? You said you don't have money to go out on dates, so I assume you don't have money to do a nicer restaurant for your anniversary. So if you don't use the gc, what is your plan for your anniversary? It seems a little unfair to be bothered with him.

[Heather in Neverland]

Using the gift card would not bother me in the slightest. However, being locked into going to the same restaurant every year for my anniversary because of the gift card would. Does that make sense?

 

I mean, if we WANT to go to that restaurant every year then I say it is a win-win. But what if I want to go someplace different this year but dh says no because we have a gift card to the other place? That might bother me.

[KarenNC]

No, I have never directly expressed it to DH.  I feel like my feelings about it are childish and I always just "get over it".  It isn't about the money spent.  I really could care less how much is spent on our anniversary dinner and it definitely wouldn't bother me if he used a coupon. We just don't get to go on dates very often and I would love for the gift card to be for a fun date.  Money spent is money spent and I get that completely, but you see the date won't come later....the card will be used for our anniversary and the $ won't be in the budget for a date later.  Also, it is our favorite restaurant for just going to on a date, but I would honestly love something a little nicer and out of the ordinary for our anniversary - if that makes sense?  The food is good, but it is just a standard, chain sit down restaurant.  I either need to get over it or talk to him.  I wanted other's opinions so I could decide what is best :/

 

In our situation, he would totally think that he was doing exactly what I wanted to pick a restaurant he knows I like and to which we had a gift card. He would be proud that he had a double win because he was being frugal, something that's important to me, and would think that I would be mad at him if he suggested somewhere different. In this scenario, here's what I think my husband would want to hear from me: "I love going to X, but for this year I'd really like to try somewhere a little different for our anniversary, like Y. I've been dying to try it and I think you'd love it, too. I looked at the budget and I think we can swing it (even, I've found a coupon ;) , which would be totally in character for me). What do you think about going to Y for our anniversary and saving our gift card to X for a fun date later on when the kids are driving us nuts one day and we're up to our eyeballs in soccer season? There were times last spring that I really wished we could just drop everything on a whim and go out together, but couldn't justify spending the money right then. It would be so great to know we had the gift card in reserve and could go without having to plan the money for it in advance." Turn saving the gift card into something extra special he could do for you.

 

Having this conversation would be a whole lot better than feeling even vaguely resentful while you're at X for your anniversary. Then you've totally not gotten the benefit of the date or the gift card.

 

If you don't have the money to go out without the giftcard, be ready with an alternative plan for something special that is less expensive. Our anniversary for years was Thai takeout and watching an anime movie from the library after the kid had gone to bed because we couldn't afford to get a babysitter and do dinner and a movie. It was still a special tradition. Or send the kids to grandma's if that's an option and have a date at home.

[Cinder]

Using the gift card would not bother me in the slightest. However, being locked into going to the same restaurant every year for my anniversary because of the gift card would. Does that make sense?

 

I mean, if we WANT to go to that restaurant every year then I say it is a win-win. But what if I want to go someplace different this year but dh says no because we have a gift card to the other place? That might bother me.

 

:iagree:  This is what I was thinking as I read the OP. It wouldn't bother me to use a GC for an anniversary dinner. But it might bother me if I wanted to go somewhere else as a treat. We just got a check from MIL to "do what you want" and I was just thinking it would be nice to use for an anniversary dinner--we also have our anniversary the first week of Jan. But we get to choose; we're not locked in to a particular place. That predetermination would bother me more than actually using a Christmas GC to pay for the anniversary date would.

[QueenCat]

No, I have never directly expressed it to DH.  I feel like my feelings about it are childish and I always just "get over it".  It isn't about the money spent.  I really could care less how much is spent on our anniversary dinner and it definitely wouldn't bother me if he used a coupon. We just don't get to go on dates very often and I would love for the gift card to be for a fun date.  Money spent is money spent and I get that completely, but you see the date won't come later....the card will be used for our anniversary and the $ won't be in the budget for a date later.  Also, it is our favorite restaurant for just going to on a date, but I would honestly love something a little nicer and out of the ordinary for our anniversary - if that makes sense?  The food is good, but it is just a standard, chain sit down restaurant.  I either need to get over it or talk to him.  I wanted other's opinions so I could decide what is best :/

 

Then tell him, a couple months prior, where you would like to go for your next anniversary. If he says, but what about the gift card, say "we'll use that another time".

[LizzyBee]

There have been years we didn't go out for our anniversary because we couldn't afford it, so I would be glad to have the gift card to pay for it.  OTOH, like others pointed out, I wouldn't love being locked into the same restaurant every year.  If there were a year when money wasn't as tight, I might want to go somewhere else for the anniversary dinner and use the gift card later.  Would your dh object to that?

[dancingmama]

I see the issue, with the extra info you gave, that it's not about using the gift card necessarily but about wanting to go someplace special or at least someplace else, for your Anniversary.  I would talk to him about trying someplace new for your anniversary.  Maybe if not this year (because things are tight) but perhaps next year.  Perhaps you can save up your pennies and even buy a gift card to the place of your choice as a Christmas gift.  :)  So, I don't think you're being silly at all.  You want a new venue and that is totally understandable.  I say talk to him and see what he says.  I can completely understand the practicality of it.  I'm that way too whereas my dh is the one who wants to try someplace different.  He probably has no clue.  Talk to him.

[Melissa in Australia]

My personal opinion is that I would be so pleased to have a evening  out with DH that I wouldn't care if it was a gift voucher at all. a dinner out with Dh never happens here at all.

 

 

 

 I am completely upset that my Brother is getting married the day after my 21st wedding anniversary and  his wedding is going to be at the complete other side of the state and so we will have to spend all wedding anniversary day traveling there, then we have to camp in a tent with all the children that night ( I hate camping)  :glare: :glare: :glare: :glare:.

 

[DawnM]

I actually DID get my engagement ring for Christmas and it bothered me greatly!  That was 19 years ago and I still married him but I let him know that wasn't a Christmas gift.  He was not hurting for money either.  He wasn't rolling in it, but he had a good job, was single, and rented a room for very little.

 

But for some reason a gift card to a restaurant used for anniversary wouldn't bother me.   DH and I use gift cards as often as possible.  

[Hikin' Mama]

In my opinion, no it should not. I would be thankful for the anniversary date and time spent with hubby and the free meal.

[marbel]

OP, who is it that gives you the card?   You said your family, so I'm picturing your parents, maybe?   Anyway, is it someone to whom you can say something like: "hey, love the gift card for the dinner out every year, thanks!  Wondering though if maybe, you know, next year we could change it up a little bit?  How about a VISA gift card so we can do something different?"

 

That would be something I could say to my mother or a sibling.  My husband could  never say that to his parents and even if we hated the restaurant we'd keep getting that card every year.

 

Anyway, just another thought if what you are really looking for is a change of venue.  I know it might not be helpful.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

[bettyandbob]

Chain sit down like TGI Fridays or Macaroni Grill?

 

Those don't seem like anniversary date places to me. Can you research local restaurants.? Some put out specials for week nights, or if you go early they have a cheaper "pre theatre" menu. Or something like groupon will put out a deal for local places. Maybe you can find a place for this year's anniversary date that you don't have to budget for.

[QuirkyKapers]

If my family gave us a gift card, my dh wouldn't just assume it could be used for our anniversary.  Since it is my family, dh would want to know what I would want to do with it, even though the gift was given to both of us.  When my family or his family has given us money we have used it for vacation,split the money down the middle and done what we have wanted individually and we have saved it for a date.  However, we have talked about what we wanted to do each year.  If my dh wanted to use the money given to us on something for himself, I wouldn't be upset.  It is his family.  The reverse would be true as well.  I think the big thing for me is the communication componet.  I usually am o.k. with anything if we have talked about it.   So, yes, it would bother me if no communication was taking place and my dh assumed he knew what I wanted and used a gift from my family for whatever worked easiest for himself.  (Just to clarify, this is how I would perceive it based on my history with my dh, doesn't mean this is what your dh is doing)

[Bambam]

I guess I'm just not sentimental. I do not understand why I would want to potentially strain our family's financial position for one dinner even if it is a 'special occasion'. It is, after all, only one meal in (assuming you eat three meals a day) 1095. Here today, gone tomorrow. 

 

However, I can understand that with a gift card given to a couple, the use of said gift card should be decided either jointly or we should alternate years deciding what to do with the gift card. It would bother me if only one half of the couple always got to say what the gift card was used for.

[xixstar]

I would just suggest going somewhere new for your anniversary. Then you can use the care for another date night. I wouldn't want to go to the same place each year myself.

[Alice]

It wouldn’t bother me but I think the important thing is that it bothers you. I don’t think it’s childish, I just think gifts and more formal acts of appreciation are more important for some people than others. Neither dh and I are big gift people and rarely get each other anything. But we’re both ok with that. Sometimes we celebrate our anniversary in a bigger way, sometimes it’s been pizza and a movie. Again, we’re ok with that. 

 

It sounds like you are someone who feels more loved and special by being given a big night out. And that it’s a rare thing for you. I’d tell dh that. He may be completely clueless because it just  might not be important to him. Which doesn’t mean you or your anniversary isn’t important to him. 

 

Something I had always wanted as a gift was a day/weekend away on my own. I’m a huge introvert and the thought of being able to be alone for 24 hours was the perfect gift in my mind. I had always hoped that dh would think of it as a surprise and take the kids somewhere for a day or give me a night in a hotel for a birthday. Finally, for my 40th birthday when we’d been married about 12 years, I told him that was what I wanted to do. He was totally fine with it and  encouraged me to repeat the tradition the next year (and again coming up soon). He was happy to give me what I really wanted. But he would never have thought of it himself. I asked him that point-blank and he said no, he never would have. He admitted to thinking the idea was “a little weird, but if it’s what makes you happy, great.†He’s an extrovert and to him a birthday is a huge number of friends coming over. My guess is that your dh is thinking something like “Wow, we’re lucky to always get this gift card for our favorite place just in time to celebrate our anniversary.†

 

ETA: I re-read my post and thought it might sound like I was a little judgmental. Kind of “Well, if you need fancy nights out†that’s ok for you but I’m better because I don’t. I didn’t mean to sound like that. What I was trying to say is that we all have things we need to feel loved and appreciated. Sometimes they are irrational but that doesn’t make them wrong or silly or childish. We all have them, they are just different for different people. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

Chain sit down like TGI Fridays or Macaroni Grill?

 

Those don't seem like anniversary date places to me. Can you research local restaurants.? Some put out specials for week nights, or if you go early they have a cheaper "pre theatre" menu. Or something like groupon will put out a deal for local places. Maybe you can find a place for this year's anniversary date that you don't have to budget for.

 

 

Sort of, yes.  It is actually Outback Steakhouse.  

[EKS]

No, I have never directly expressed it to DH.  I feel like my feelings about it are childish and I always just "get over it".  It isn't about the money spent.  I really could care less how much is spent on our anniversary dinner and it definitely wouldn't bother me if he used a coupon. We just don't get to go on dates very often and I would love for the gift card to be for a fun date.  Money spent is money spent and I get that completely, but you see the date won't come later....the card will be used for our anniversary and the $ won't be in the budget for a date later.  Also, it is our favorite restaurant for just going to on a date, but I would honestly love something a little nicer and out of the ordinary for our anniversary - if that makes sense?  The food is good, but it is just a standard, chain sit down restaurant.  I either need to get over it or talk to him.  I wanted other's opinions so I could decide what is best :/

 

Now I get it.  I'd just tell him this (after being sure that the anniversary dinner is doable budget-wise).

[Ann.without.an.e]

Just to clarify.  It isn't that i like fancy dinners.  It isn't that I like gifts.  We never give gifts to each other for Christmas, Birthdays, or Anniversaries.  I think it is more the fact that it has been the same.darn.place for ump-teen years because we get a gift card for Christmas.  Yes, it is nice to save the money.  I agree with that.  While I consider Outback a great restaurant for a date night, we even went there for our tenth anniversary.....are you following me here? DH is not intentionally shafting me.  He is just happy with routine and never sees an occasion for "special".  It simply isn't how he thinks so I don't hold it against him at all.  And my parents don't give us the gift card to use for our anniversary, they give it to us for a date night.  

 

Really, it isn't a big deal.  I am not terribly upset about it, it just bothers me a little.

[Chris in VA]

I totally get what you are saying. There's something about an anniversary! I want the gift to come from my HUSBAND for ME. I am his wife, his special person, his Only. I want him to show it.

 

Some ideas--

 

I think I'd ask the people who give the card to give us something else. Save during the year and use that $ for your anniversary. Or ask your dh to save and then surprise you with the place.

 

Or, eat at home for your anniversary, and use part of the gift card for dessert there, or vice versa, letting you go out twice.

 

I like the reframing idea.

 

Maybe this year, you can figure out a way to have more dates, even if they are at home or to very inexpensive places. I had $75 to gift dh with two years ago for Xmas. I made a date calendar with 12 dates on it. We never used the darn thing...BUT I had some very creative places to go. I got a number of very small gift cards, so we could go for an appetizer or a drink or a dessert. There is music at a local restaurant a couple of nights a week, for example; I gave him a $10 gift card so we could have a soda and split an app while listening. I had museums and festivals, too. Bowling one game plus shoes came to about $15--then we were to go somewhere else and take a walk to round out the time. I gave him a bottle of champagne and we were to watch an old Avengers (Emma Peel!) in bed after the "kids" were down.

Babysitting was not an issue for us, but another time I did that kind of calendar, and just traded sitting with a friend, reserving the dates we picked a couple of weeks in advance. Bargaining for sitting was an effective cost-saver.

 

It does sound like you might enjoy more time with your sweetie!

[KungFuPanda]

Just to clarify.  It isn't that i like fancy dinners.  It isn't that I like gifts.  We never give gifts to each other for Christmas, Birthdays, or Anniversaries.  I think it is more the fact that it has been the same.darn.place for ump-teen years because we get a gift card for Christmas.  Yes, it is nice to save the money.  I agree with that.  While I consider Outback a great restaurant for a date night, we even went there for our tenth anniversary.....are you following me here? DH is not intentionally shafting me.  He is just happy with routine and never sees an occasion for "special".  It simply isn't how he thinks so I don't hold it against him at all.  And my parents don't give us the gift card to use for our anniversary, they give it to us for a date night.  

 

Really, it isn't a big deal.  I am not terribly upset about it, it just bothers me a little.

I get what you're saying even though DH and I are just not gift people at all. It's really good that we married each other because anyone else's feelings would be hurt. Perhaps it's the idea that your anniversary dinner is just another routine and that's a night that should be special and perhaps involve a little bit of thought or discussion to plan. If you're like me and value experiences over gifts, the fact that your anniversary has become scripted would be annoying. It's like admitting the you're old, practical, and set-in-your-ways instead of young, romantic, and spontaneous.

 

If money is tight, I'd be tempted to keep the anniversary routine and make Valentine's day the adventure. You won't be all holidayed out be then.

[zoobie]

I was going to support you from the first post, but the second addition of information makes total sense! It's not special. It's routine and effortless. Nothing to do with the money at all! You want him to expend some effort, make reservations, find a different place that marks the occasion. Grabbing a plastic gift card, driving up, and getting a buzzer is not a romantic anniversary meal. :)

[marbel]

I was going to support you from the first post, but the second addition of information makes total sense! It's not special. It's routine and effortless. Nothing to do with the money at all! You want him to expend some effort, make reservations, find a different place that marks the occasion. Grabbing a plastic gift card, driving up, and getting a buzzer is not a romantic anniversary meal. :)

 

I'm not trying to be snarky or argumentative at all, but I'm afraid this might end up sounding that way.

 

Why is it up to the man to expend the effort, etc?  I think it is typical that women expect their husbands to take care of the anniversary celebration and make it special for her, but I don't understand why that is.  Seems like it's up to both to make it an enjoyable occasion for each other. 

 

[zoobie]

I'm not trying to be snarky or argumentative at all, but I'm afraid this might end up sounding that way.

 

Why is it up to the man to expend the effort, etc? I think it is typical that women expect their husbands to take care of the anniversary celebration and make it special for her, but I don't understand why that is. Seems like it's up to both to make it an enjoyable occasion for each other.

 

For me, DH choosing the restaurant, making the reservations, and setting up a sitter is hugely romantic. The bulk of the rest of the time in our lives, I'm taking care of food and making sure the kids' needs are met. When we go on vacation, I'm doing all the research and planning. DH taking the lead on planning makes it a special occasion for me, even if we aren't doing anything fancy. I arrange things for his birthday and Father's Day, and he does it for my birthday and Mother's Day. Sometimes we work together for our anniversary, but it's meaningful to me when he makes the plans. He's totally aware of my feelings and has never expressed displeasure with being "in charge" of 3 meals a year. ;)

[marbel]

For me, DH choosing the restaurant, making the reservations, and setting up a sitter is hugely romantic. The bulk of the rest of the time in our lives, I'm taking care of food and making sure the kids' needs are met. When we go on vacation, I'm doing all the research and planning. DH taking the lead on planning makes it a special occasion for me, even if we aren't doing anything fancy. I arrange things for his birthday and Father's Day, and he does it for my birthday and Mother's Day. Sometimes we work together for our anniversary, but it's meaningful to me when he makes the plans. He's totally aware of my feelings and has never expressed displeasure with being "in charge" of 3 meals a year. ;)

 

OK well that makes sense to me.  Sounds like you have a good way of dealing with it, and you are both on board with it!  I know so many women who expect their husbands to read their minds ("if he loved me, he'd know what I want") and it drives me bonkers.