Jean in Newcastle Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 PCWM (Please commiserate with me) It is no secret for anyone who sees me that I need to lose weight. And I'm not ignoring the issue. I'm on Sparkpeople, go to the gym, am following doctor's advice on things complicating weight loss, etc. My middle sister, who I only talk to about once or twice a year, sends me these articles/ads for weight loss supplements and tips. Arrrgh! I glance at them and then delete them. I don't feel a need to talk to her about it. Our relationship is fragile enough that talking once or twice a year amicably is a great improvement and saying anything would jeopardize that. I just want some pats on the back and someone to nod understandingly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 that's not nice. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Yes, my eldest sister used to do this to me. She would put things in the mail - no note from her just weight watchers articles, newspaper clips, etc. She doesn't do this any longer- thank goodness! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Aww, I was really hoping you would say it's okay for us to knock her upside the head for you. Really, I don't mind. I could use the stress relief. :D :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Really though, I would say something...very nicely of course, otherwise, it will just get worse. Sisters...sometimes, just...ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Do you think a quick comment about what you are doing would squelch it? It seems that she must not know you very well to think you need tips and are not working on it. In similar situations I have made little comments about my own work and research, of course w/ some people it is just better to ignore them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 Do you think a quick comment about what you are doing would squelch it? It seems that she must not know you very well to think you need tips and are not working on it. In similar situations I have made little comments about my own work and research, of course w/ some people it is just better to ignore them. Things she's said to me in the past: (in a thank you note) - "I opened the gift and thought "oh yuck" but it really wasn't too bad. Thanks." (the last time we saw each other when I went back "home"): "I came in and thought "who is that old lady" then I realized it was you." So, no, I don't want to engage her in conversation about it! She's nice in her way but has very limited social skills at least as far as family goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerico Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I am sorry. Find something she struggles with and send her newspaper clippings or what not about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Things she's said to me in the past: (in a thank you note) - "I opened the gift and thought "oh yuck" but it really wasn't too bad. Thanks." (the last time we saw each other when I went back "home"): "I came in and thought "who is that old lady" then I realized it was you." So, no, I don't want to engage her in conversation about it! She's nice in her way but has very limited social skills at least as far as family goes. :confused1: :eek: Some people are just so thoughtless. I'm sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 WHY do people do this stuff? All of us have our physical "issues". Do they think we don't notice if they don't point them out? My father takes every opportunity to tell me how fat I am. I need to lose weight, for my frame, but I'm not "fat". I fluctuate between a size 8 and a 10, except for the last year or so it's pretty much been on the upper end. I keep losing and regaining the same 10 pounds. I'll lose it when I set my mind to it and I don't need his cheap shots. I started turning it around on him. He says something to me, I give it right back. If it were my sister, I'd do the same thing for whatever her "thing" was. Coupons for longer eyelash treatments. Plastic surgeons. Bad breath. Cosmetic dentistry. Hypnosis for quitting smoking. Ads for nicer clothing stores. Wrinkle cream....whatever. You get the point. I swear, I would. And yeah, I know it's snarky, but maybe she'd get the point and leave me alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I'm so sorry. That is inappropriate and mean. Consider this a hug and a pat on the back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Things she's said to me in the past: (in a thank you note) - "I opened the gift and thought "oh yuck" but it really wasn't too bad. Thanks." (the last time we saw each other when I went back "home"): "I came in and thought "who is that old lady" then I realized it was you." So, no, I don't want to engage her in conversation about it! She's nice in her way but has very limited social skills at least as far as family goes. Wow, that is so bad it is kind of comical. She really does have a problem w/ her social skills, eek! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 PCWM (Please commiserate with me) It is no secret for anyone who sees me that I need to lose weight. And I'm not ignoring the issue. I'm on Sparkpeople, go to the gym, am following doctor's advice on things complicating weight loss, etc. My middle sister, who I only talk to about once or twice a year, sends me these articles/ads for weight loss supplements and tips. Arrrgh! I glance at them and then delete them. I don't feel a need to talk to her about it. Our relationship is fragile enough that talking once or twice a year amicably is a great improvement and saying anything would jeopardize that. I just want some pats on the back and someone to nod understandingly! I would delete them without opening them up at all. No need to put her in the position of helping you beat yourself up emotionally. You're taking whatever steps you can/want, and you only need to answer to yourself here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 One thing I have had to do with a relative is have someone else screen any email that comes from her. That way, I never see the stuff that would have the potential to bother me. Sorry. That is ridiculously inappropriate, but it's very obvious that it is your sister's problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Things she's said to me in the past: (in a thank you note) - "I opened the gift and thought "oh yuck" but it really wasn't too bad. Thanks." (the last time we saw each other when I went back "home"): "I came in and thought "who is that old lady" then I realized it was you." So, no, I don't want to engage her in conversation about it! She's nice in her way but has very limited social skills at least as far as family goes. Is it bad that this is so unbelievably thoughtless that it made me laugh? Not at you, but... wow. How do people who say things like this get through life without ticking off everyone around them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 There, there sweetie. She probably means well. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 That is horrible. You should send her articles on how to be a nicer person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Yes, that is inappropriate. I'm sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Send her articles on social skills training. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Limited social skills? That's clearly in the realm of 'NO social skills whatsoever'! I'm sorry :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I really cannot abide such a manifest lack of manners; I am sorry you are suffering for her lack of sense :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Everyone is an idiot. Your sister is no exception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Very rude - but sounds like you know that is who she is. You can open them, read them and delete them, however, we humans usually walk away with a bad taste in our mouth (unfortunately, we cannot erase things from our memory) that does not help improve the relationship or even maintain it. How about not even opening her emails any longer? Or is there a chance you could miss important family info? Since you said "middle" sister, it seems you have other siblings who would bring you up to speed on family matters if you opted out of reading middle sister's emails? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 :grouphug: How truly horrible. Absolutely, totally unacceptable. FWIW, I have a few sisters who treat me badly as well. It's a whole different dynamic when the mean girl behavior comes from family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Hmm, I am about half my sister's weight and I would not dare do something like that (and we're good friends). I'm glad you're able to speak amicably with this person a couple of times per year. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I do have a brother who thinks it's funny to "go there." Unless he's the target of it. Blah. We love our families, but some people have some gaping holes.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Give your neighbor her number... Limited social skills sounds like an understatement. I think I'd filter her emails right to the spam folder. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Occasionally Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Things she's said to me in the past: (in a thank you note) - "I opened the gift and thought "oh yuck" but it really wasn't too bad. Thanks." (the last time we saw each other when I went back "home"): "I came in and thought "who is that old lady" then I realized it was you." So, no, I don't want to engage her in conversation about it! She's nice in her way but has very limited social skills at least as far as family goes. These things made me laugh because they're so ABSURD. You simply can't take someone seriously when these are their typical interactions. I agree with albeto. Delete without opening. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 Give your neighbor her number... Limited social skills sounds like an understatement. I think I'd filter her emails right to the spam folder. :grouphug: This made me laugh! I think it's a matter of her having no filter. And possibly it's a passive-aggressive thing. But. . . as someone else said it is so outrageous that I do see some humor in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Well, bless her heart! I'm sure she doesn't MEAN to be rude, insulting and poor mannered. **whatever** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I would delete her emails without opening and put her letters in the trash. No one deserves to be talked to like that. I would write to her and tell her to knock it off or you are going to have to cut out all contact. Not cool at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Send her articles on social skills training. Luckily, I had just finished my coffee or I would have spit it out! While I don't think Jean would do this and don't think she should, this is very funny!! :grouphug: I think Jean is beautiful just the way she is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Things she's said to me in the past: (in a thank you note) - "I opened the gift and thought "oh yuck" but it really wasn't too bad. Thanks." LOL, that reminds me of myself. Dh's mom got me a Dr. Laura game one year, which was so contrary to my thoughts and beliefs that I thought it was a joke and just went on and on laughing and then I realized it wasn't a joke. They really don't know me at all and I'm sure that incident further solidified my status as someone who was socially challenged :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 That is horrible. You should send her articles on how to be a nicer person. Send her articles on social skills training. They beat me to it! Start email bombing her with etiquette articles or use her email address and sign her up for some sort of daily niceness tips (I'm sure that must exist!). Or, forward her emails to everyone in your family and tell them what an "amazing sister" she is for sending these to you and that anyone who needs help with something should ask her to find articles for them too. I still like Unicorn's suggestion the best though. I would help knock her upside the head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Ugh. That is sucky. ((Hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 LOL - while the suggestions to get her back are entertaining, I really wouldn't do them. There is some strange history in there. I haven't actually lived with my sister since I was 3 (she was at boarding school for huge chunks of my childhood). But somehow she's fixated on me as someone she's jealous of. I don't know her well but I do love her and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. It's a strange dynamic that I don't have with any of my other three siblings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Could your husband screen her emails? Delete all the annoying articles and only let you read the important things, if any? (I would totally let my husband do this, but I'm a conflict avoider.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 ((hugs)) You are a strong woman to take that kind of garbage without wanting to retaliate. I'm proud to know you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 ((hugs)) You are a strong woman to take that kind of garbage without wanting to retaliate. I'm proud to know you. :iagree: I would have deleted all her emails unread by now, and probably sent social skills advice. But I am not as nice as you are. :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Hugs! All I can think of is that I wish I could be your sister because I'd have all sorts of things I'd like to talk with you about- and the topics would not need to include weightloss! I know that might sound creepy since I don't post often but I do read lots of posts and you are amazing! I've been around for a long time- and I can definitely say that you have a lot of class to not respond to your sister- she is clearly being mean and hurtful. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 "Merry Christmas, Sis! Here are a few books by Emily Post and Miss Manners. I can't think of anyone who deserves them more than you do. Hugs and kisses, from Jean" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I think you can set a filter on your email to automatically take her emails and trash them or put them in a folder somewhere so you don't have to even see that they came in. This might help your peace of mind. or you could start a blog titled "dumb things my sister says" and post the items as they come in...which might be kind of fun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Things she's said to me in the past: (in a thank you note) - "I opened the gift and thought "oh yuck" but it really wasn't too bad. Thanks." (the last time we saw each other when I went back "home"): "I came in and thought "who is that old lady" then I realized it was you." So, no, I don't want to engage her in conversation about it! She's nice in her way but has very limited social skills at least as far as family goes. with her being like that I don't get the desire to even have the 1-2 times per year talks, I would not bother trying to salvage anything, she appears to be a very ugly person inside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Yeah, just a little passive aggressive, lol. have someone else who loves you read her emails/letters from now on. They can decide if it is something you need to respond to. If not, then they can trash it. Toxic stuff that gets left on your doorstep should get picked up with tongs and tossed in the proper receptacle. Don't actually interact with it, ok? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I guess I am b^tch. I would find something I know she needs improvement on...say like Miss Manners, or How to be Social, or How to cure Foot In Mouth Disease type books, ads, websites etc., and just start emailing them daily. Hmmmmm....actually, this could be quite healing. Jean, You do not need that cr@p from anyone, let alone someone who is supposed to love you. I say fight fire with fire....you are only trying to help, right?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 My lands! I had an aunt who did this to me, but that whole side of the family is screwy. I'd definitely set up a rule so her emails go into a folder that you ignore. Meanwhile, I think you definitely deserve a piece of fudge for putting up with her! :drool5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 "Merry Christmas, Sis! Here are a few books by Emily Post and Miss Manners. I can't think of anyone who deserves them more than you do. Hugs and kisses, from Jean" see!!! we think alike! Great minds and all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Do the in-law game? That's the game where you predict in advance all the foolish things people are going to do and then get points when they do them. So whenever you see an e-mail from sis, make a guess before you open it about what is inside and if you guess right reward yourself somehow. Sorry no better advice since she seems to really not be able to help herself. ETA: Normally I don't recommend making fun of something or someone, but this case seems extreme. Sometimes we have to laugh to avoid crying. KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 Thanks for all the support and commiseration! You all make me feel a lot better! (On a somewhat related note, one of my brothers who is as diametrically opposed to me in lifestyle/views etc. as you can get, called me to wish me a belated birthday and we had a very lovely talk about books etc. We've found our common ground and have found a way to have a very satisfying relationship.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.