My head is pounding, chest aches. heart heavy. The house behind us burned down. Update post #39

[FaithManor]

We are just now done helping fight the fire.

 

Out here in the sticks, we are 8 miles from a fire department, and we don't have city water in this tiny hamlet. So not only does it take a little bit to assemble a practically all volunteer department in the middle of the night to travel here, but then water trucks have to be sent from three different towns, and they still ran out of water and had to be refilled. So most of us in the vicinity were out their with all of our garden hoses coupled together and hooked to our outdoor spigots so we could hose the area down and maintain fire breaks before the department arrived, and well, just the whole time. I babysat our back fence to keep the flaming debris from starting anything in our yard...well, until the ammo exploded.

 

Yes, you read that right.

 

The neighbor is a Vietnam War vet...I should say was (the reason that my heart is also very heavy today). He was a POW, kept by the Viet Cong for nearly a year before he was rescued, tortured, starved, I can't even wrap my brain around all that was done to him. It's so hard to internalize just how evil some humans can be. Anyway, he was very, very mentally ill and not well taken care of by the V.A. (you don't want to ask me how I feel about our government NOT taking proper, loving care of our military personnel...you just don't want to go there because I could explode about that!). He really needed to be in a mental hospital, a beautiful, lovely, come live your life with tender care and compassion and we will keep you safe, mental hospital. He really couldn't function on his own and was a slave to his illness.

 

Anyway, for him, the apocalypse was always right around the corner, someone was always laying in wait to get him. He couldn't be approached by many...no one even let their kids ride bikes on the side walk in front of his house. He only exited the home twice per month to check in at the V.A. hospital in Detroit, get some groceries, etc. Otherwise, mostly a hermit. But, because of his delusions and fears (you can bet I'd have them too if that had been done to me!!!!), he was armed for WWIII in there. Unfortunately, some of the rounds were not kept in fire-proof safes.

 

So at 3:00 a.m. when bullets came in contact with very hot fire, things got dicey in our neighborhood. I THANK GOD that no one was injured. Seriously, I though for certain we'd have at least one firefighter hit.

 

It will be a bit before we know the final verdict on the fire, but one neighbor heard what sounded like a gunshot quite a while before the fire was discovered. Human remains have been found. The general thinking is he started the fire and then shot himself.

 

Between the smoke, laying face down in the wet grass while those rounds went off, and being up half the night, I physically feel like crap...if I had an oxygen tank around here I'd be inhaling because my chest aches so much. On top of which, the whole thought that at the the tender age of 18, just two years older than my eldest boy, this man's life was stolen from him to fight a war nobody knew why we were fighting, but with the noble idea that he was serving his country, and after years of misery, he just couldn't go on, couldn't see a way for the torture to stop, and ended himself, well...today is shaping up to be a truly crappy day. He has no relatives that anyone knows of, so I guess we, his neighbors, will mourn him because somebody for d*mn sure better take seriously the loss of this person.

 

Oh, and dd pulled out at 6;00 a.m. with all of her stuff for New Jersey. They have a very nice apartment in Lindenwold. My baby girl is gone, and dh left, exhausted, about 30 minutes ago for North Carolina for his niece's wedding.

 

Really, very crappy day ahead.

 

I need to find something that at least works on this blasted headache.

Thanks for letting me vent,

 

Faith

[Tess in the Burbs]

((Hugs))

 

Will lift him up in prayer, that he finally have some peace in his soul.

 

Get some rest today!

[hillfarm]

(((((Hugs)))))

 

So sorry to hear about all this. Do you remember the tv show, China Beach? One line from the show that I "think" I remember after all these years was from when the main character came home for a visit and someone asked her if she believed in the War. She answered, "No, I don't believe in the War, but I do believe in the men." that really stuck with me. My uncle and my next door neighbor are both Vietnam vets, and both still carry the physical and mental scars. They deserve our respect and care regardless of politics.

 

Did the ammo rounds all explode in one big boom or did they go off individually, like someone shooting? Was anyone or anything of value struck when it went off?

 

In my area, exploding propane grill tanks are all the rage these days. Idiot teens and young adults will have these great, big bonfires and toss in a few grill tanks to see them explode. I fear that someone is going to get killed one of these days. Stuff exploding in fires really scares me.

[GailV]

:grouphug: Prayers for all involved.

[Blueridge]

Oh my gosh! Bless your heart! What an incredibly terrible experience. I'm praying for your peace today.

[Plink]

How awful! ((Hugs))

[mom@shiloh]

:grouphug:

[DawnM]

Wow. That was quite a story! Hoping you can find some rest today.

[lmrich]

So heartbreaking. Take it easy today

[Luckymama]

:grouphug: My heart is heavy with you.

[Starr]

The stuff novels are made of. It's so sad to be true. :(     :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[PrincessMommy]

oh my goodness... how awful!  May he rest in peace now.  :grouphug:

 

 

[Lizzie in Ma]

:grouphug: :grouphug: How awful.  I hope you get some rest today.

[*Lulu*]

(((Faith)))

[Cinder]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Cindy in FL.]

That is just awful, Faith. I agree with you about the care of our veterans. It's atrocious!

[Lanny]

Sad story all around. I have P.T.S.D.  It sounds like he had that, and probably problems that are far more serious than P.T.S.D. Hopefully the local authorities can contact the V.A. hospital where he went, to see if they know of Next of Kin to be notified. 

 

Regarding the ammunition in the fire. That brought back memories for me. When I moved here, in 1995, I left my 12 gauge shotgun and the ammunition for it, with my best friend in Texas, until I could get the papers required to import it into Colombia. Apparently, he stored it in their garage. Well, his wife's Honda was parked in their garage and it  caught fire and their house burned down. He told me about the ammuntion exploding...

[FaithManor]

I can't sleep.

 

The rounds went off somewhat in succession...so it sounded a bit like rapid gunfire, well I think. I mean, the fire was blazing, people were shouting, it was crazy, and the power lines coming into the house were arcing. So, I think my impressions may not be accurate.

 

My head hurts so much. The neighbor just east of us said his dog died last week. He had an old, very faithful cocker spaniel that came and went from a dog door into the backyard. We would always see more of the dog than we ever did of its owner. I hadn't realized that we haven't seen the dog in several days. I could kick myself. Everyone felt the dog was his only joy and reason for living. We should have noticed and called the sheriff right away so he could check up on him. Maybe the community could have given him another dog. He must have felt so forlorn and alone.

 

Why didn't we notice?

[Lanny]

Faith, please do not feel guilty!   Possibly, there is something you and your neighbors might have done, to help him more, if he had been willing to accept your help and your friendship. Do not be a "Monday Morning Quarteback" about what you might have done differently. May he rest in peace now...

 

Try to relax and try to sleep...

 

Gentle hugs from Colombia

[maize]

Wow, what a night. I don't wonder you're exhausted and feel awful. I hope you have a chance to rest up today. So sad about your neighbor.

[Kalypso]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Twilight Woods]

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[texasmama]

(((hugs))) and prayers

[Laurie4b]

:(  "Alas, alas for the sorrow of the world." from the Great and Terrible Quest (sold by Sonlight) That quote has always stuck with me. So much sorrow.

 

Whether the man knew it or not, he was loved by you. That is important. That matters. That is eternal.

 

Please take care of yourself now. It wouldn't hurt to see a doctor about your chest after the smoke, etc. Sorry that your dd and your dh are gone on top of it.

[mamaraby]

I don't blame you for feeling as you do...completely understandable, but yes, I agree with the others that you can't go second guessing yourself. What we had before for those with mental illnesses was cruel and rather inhumane, but what we do now is equallly so, just in a different way. For so many it's in and out of jail. In jail they get their meds and proper treatment. Out of jail they get nothing until it gets so bad that they're arrested and go back to jail again. It's probably very little comfort, but at least in that way your neighbor had some dignity with a roof over his head and neighbors that would have helped if he had asked. Even if you had known and offered there's always the chance that he would have rejected your efforts - you said yourself that few could approach him.

 

And yes, we do treat our "heroes" poorly in this country. We Americans love to cheer, talk, and bumpersticker our devotion, but have very little interest in actually *doing* anything.

 

Be gentle with yourself. Many wishes for peaceful rest for you today.

[Parrothead]

I'm so sorry. Say a prayer for the gentleman. I will also. And one for you and yours. You did what you thought best. Have no guilt. Hugs.

[FaithManor]

 I'm still coughing quite a bit, and my chest still aches despite the bandana I wore over my nose and mouth. Dh is a coughing fiend; he called from the car to say he doesn't feel well. He's with his mom, the retired nurse, so I have a feeling she's going to force the issue and make him pull into an ER or walk in clinic. He'll balk, but he was exposed to worse than I since he was on the east side helping to soak down another neighbor's shed and lilac bushes before the fire department got there. He tore out of the house to help without grabbing something to put over his face. We probably should have reported to the medics before they pulled out of town. They always scramble two rigs to any fire just in case and stupid us, we should have gone and been checked out. It never occurred to me that either of us would have trouble once we came inside the house with the air conditioner running. I mean, intellectually, you know if someone else said, "I breathed in a bunch of smoke and now I'm coughing" you'd post back, "Go to the doctor." But, when it happens to you and under circumstances like these, running on adrenalin and coffee, you just think that of course, you're okay. Sigh....I don't feel well at all. It's time to call.

 

But, I took a shower and shampooed with my regular stuff. My hair still smells like smoke! I don't want to consider seeing the doc smelling like this - probably a totally stupid concern, however, there it is I'm embarassed to have stinky hair. Anyone know what to do? Should I rinse with vinegar?

 

I'm going to phone the ER now, if you all can give me a fairly instant smoke smell removal idea, I'll take the time to do it before heading out. Otherwise, I guess I better just suck it up, and go as is. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll give me something for this wicked headache.

[MedicMom]

I've never been able to get the smoke out of my hair. Vinegar helps a little.

Smoke in the lungs is probably setting you up for at least a bronchitis...it wouldn't hurt to get looke at.

 

Don't feel guilty. The truth is there is really nothing you could have done. Mental illness in our country is terribly treated and there are very few resources. It is a shame.

[mamatohaleybug]

I am so sorry about your neighbor, on many levels. What a tragedy. Huge hugs!

[Susan C.]

Faithe,

Please go in, either to urgent care or to ER. The fact that you can't get the smoke smell out means you inhaled a lot. They'll understand.

 

((((hugs))) what an awful night!

[nmoira]

Faithe,

Please go in, either to urgent care or to ER. The fact that you can't get the smoke smell out means you inhaled a lot. They'll understand.

 

((((hugs))) what an awful night!

Yes, please.

 

*hug*

[Dandelion]

How awful. :grouphug:  Both the fire and death of this man, as well as what he endured while alive.  Please don't add feelings of guilt to what you're already going through.  Thank you for caring about this man - I'm sure he noticed and appreciated it.  

 

Do get checked out for smoke inhalation.  

 

I hope you can get some rest today.  :grouphug:

[ocelotmom]

Contact the nearest VFW or American Legion. They will help make sure that he is honored as he deserves. Thank you for caring!

 

And I agree, get checked out for smoke inhalation, and take care of yourself physically and mentally!

[Reflections]

Baking soda mixed with shampoo, followed by a vinegar rinse.  Let the vinegar sit for a minute and then rinse.

 

I hope you went - what you are doing there - thinking that you don't need to go, that your hair smells bad - is the shock, sorrow and adrenaline - not your own rationale thinking.

 

Don't for one minute blame yourself.  You didn't do this to him.  You would have stopped it if you could.  We are all helpless - just don't be hopeless.  

 

You'll have a better perspective in a few days.  

 

 

[Dana]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[FaithManor]

Okay, so I had a breathing treatment, some oxygen, and the nurse gave me a pill for my headache. My bloomin' head hurt so badly that I didn't even ask what the med was. The headache was an evil combo of smoke inhalation and my seasonal allergies - an unmerciful duo. It wasn't a migraine - not in the traditional sense. The rare times I've had a migraine I had photo sensitivity and nausea. This presented completely differently, and yet just as painful. They did send an inhaler home in case I began to have trouble. Hopefully, I'm cured of that. Still waiting for the emotional cure. I did have a nap after the ER visit.

 

Dh had the same in Northern Ohio, minus the nap. He's NOT happy about the delay, and they are going to get in much later than expected, but he is willing to admit he was in poor shape and probably would not have been able to make the drive anyway, at least having to stop at a motel and layover until he felt better.

 

Poor dd is stuck in traffic around Philadelphia and I hate to say it, but if you live in the area, take cover, she's a fire breathing dragon reining down curses upon the city and apparently the many drivers that use their left turn signals only to merge right! You may not want to be in the city as she singes the community from the freeway!

 

I am waiting until I am in a better frame of mind to call my senators' offices and singe them with vitriol about the lack of care provided for both our veterans and our general population...it's UNCONSCIENABLE that we have so little available through community mental health and that all of our state hospitals have been closed. I mean, really it's 2013, I think we could run some mental hospitals with dignity, beauty, compassion, and grace and WITHOUT abusing patients ala the 1950's and 60's.

 

Faith

[Anne in CA]

My sister who is a nurse often expresses great disgust at the medical care my father receives at the VA. Yes, these men gave their youth to our country and it is horrible that they are not supported later in life.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug:  I am sorry for you community's loss. Please don't be too hard on yourself, and take care of yourself. 

[Guest]

:( Prayer for all involved, including you.  I know your heart has to be hurting today.  We do a lot of homeless outreach here, and listening to some of the veterans just breaks my heart.  They want so badly for everything to be ok again, but for many it just never is.  May he rest in peace. 

[fraidycat]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

:-(

[twinmami01]

(((HUGS)))

[jenncslp]

I'm so sorry!  My heart is breaking for you and for that poor man.  

[datgh]

We had a discussion with friends around the campfire the other night.  One is in law enforcement and see's so much.  His solution would be to get rid of the welfare and food stamps that keep going to those that are fully able to work and just abusing the system and put the money into programs to help the veterans.  Couldn't agree more.  My dad is a disabled vet.  He is lucky to live near one of the best VA hospitals in the country.  I can't say enough about how good they have been to him.  On the flip side, they would like to move down near me to be closer to family as they need more and more help but it would push my dad into a poor VA hospital so they are staying put.

[Liz CA]

 

 

 

Between the smoke, laying face down in the wet grass while those rounds went off, and being up half the night, I physically feel like crap...if I had an oxygen tank around here I'd be inhaling because my chest aches so much. On top of which, the whole thought that at the the tender age of 18, just two years older than my eldest boy, this man's life was stolen from him to fight a war nobody knew why we were fighting, but with the noble idea that he was serving his country, and after years of misery, he just couldn't go on, couldn't see a way for the torture to stop, and ended himself, well...today is shaping up to be a truly crappy day. He has no relatives that anyone knows of, so I guess we, his neighbors, will mourn him because somebody for d*mn sure better take seriously the loss of this person.

 

 

I need to find something that at least works on this blasted headache.

Thanks for letting me vent,

 

 

 

Would it help you, Faith, to picture God cradling this poor broken man in his arms, because this is where he is right now - and he would not want to come back if he had a choice...because it's heaven.

I am thankful you and your family are okay.

 

[awisha.]

:grouphug:

[Scarlett]

This is just heartbreaking.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[Eagle]

:grouphug: