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Everything posted by hillfarm

  1. My dd tested poorly on the math placement test at the local cc. She would have been required to take at least 2 remedial classes as prerequisites for the college algebra class she needed. I knew that she has test anxiety, especially in math, and that her problem seems to be more one of retention rather than comprehension. So we requested a special exemption from the Dean of the cc. He gave it, with the caveat that she sign up for a tutor (provided at no cost) at the beginning of class, not waiting until she got in trouble. His requirement was excellent, as it took several class periods for the tutor to be arranged and schedules to be coordinated. She worked very hard in the class, attended tutoring faithfully, and got an A in the class. Had she waited until she reached that point where she was in over her head, and then had to wait 3 or 4 more class periods to finalize tutoring arrangements, she could have easily been nearly a month behind before she got help, and in a 16 week course, it would have been very hard to come back up to speed while also staying current with new material. It worked well for us, since we had the benefit of a homeschooling mindset (stick with it until you "get" it, bring in all the help you need, and no feeling sorry for yourself and giving up!), and good support from the cc.
  2. My dd had to quit a job due to similar circumstances. She worked at the local Kroger grocery store. Although she provided correct availability information for their computer system on three separate occasions, they could not accept that her dual enrollment class schedule was not the same as that of the local high school students. They kept scheduling her to work based on times when the high schoolers would be available, totally ignoring the fact that she had a 4:30 class 4 days a week. When she would tell them that she had been scheduled in error, their response was always that it was her responsibility to find someone to replace her. Each time she went back in to the computer system, with her supervisor watching, and reentered her hours of availability. And each time, I later got a call here at home, wondering why she had not reported in to work for her shift. I finally had enough and told her to quit. Then I called the manager and explained in no uncertain terms that it would have been illegal for her to work the hours they kept trying to force her to work and that it certainly was not the responsibility of a 16 yo girl to solve their scheduling problems. It was a very good thing that I was busy that week and couldn't go in person to have the conversation, or a good bit more would have been said.
  3. Yay!!! Thank you so much for the help, Laura! (According to Google, the following means Thank You in whatever "simplified Chinese" is) :) 谢谢
  4. Hi, can anyone help me translate the Asian (Chinese?) characters on this shirt? A friend got it for me but I am reluctant to wear it unless I know what it says. I assume it is some kind of advertisement.
  5. Oops! Accidentally posted to the wrong subforum.
  6. Hi, I have a t-shirt just like this one, but won't wear it until I know what it says! Can anyone translate it for me?
  7. My relationship with dd is more like what TammyS describes. I love her fiercely, but ours was definitely a mother/daughter relationship, not one of peers or adult friends. Dh and I have a closer relationship than dd and I do. Regarding other losses in my life, it has been 10 years since my father passed away and I still miss him and think of him often. I went from that initial, intense, brittle state of barely functional grief to a much lower, but ongoing level. I occasionally tear up when thinking of him, but am able to wipe away the tears and move on with my life within a few seconds. I would say that I have been at this level of grief over his passing for the last 8 or so years. I doubt it will change during my lifetime. I am not sure I want it to. I cherish my memories of him, even though they occasionally make me sad. I have always felt that I am not a very sentimental person. I do feel a little unsettled now and then, but I suspect that will change as our "new normal" emerges.
  8. Dh and I have been preparing for 17 years to send dd off to college. He pointed out to me that her move in day was like our graduation day. It marked the culmination of all those years of effort and activity. He also jokingly wondered why no one was throwing us a party or giving us gifts (such a comedian!). Also, dd had been preparing us somewhat for this for several months, although I don't think she did it intentionally. As she matured, she began to spend more time with her friends and classmates than with "the old folks at home". So her room was empty quite a bit, even when she was still living at home. She was experimenting with different types of diets to see which combination of foods made her feel the best, so she often cooked her own meals apart from what we were eating. Due to her work, school and social schedule, her mealtimes were often not the same as ours anyway. Her move toward independence started long before her actual move in day. I love her dearly and threw myself into homeschooling and being her mother 100%. She is our only child, so she got 100% of the attention and focus. We spent quite a bit of our time making space in our lives for her. Although all that came to a screeching halt when she left, it was still okay. I am excited to start focusing on jumpstarting my previous career. I am energized thinking about creating a new lifestyle with my dh now. Dd is not totally out of the picture, she will still come home on breaks. But the dynamic has changed and I am willing and ready to embrace that. I never bought into the idea of parenting as a competitive sport when dd was young and I am not about to buy into it now. Some moms grieve more that I have, others grieve less. I refuse to waste time measuring myself against either group. I still miss her, if you define "miss" as noticing a difference when things are not as they were. I realized yesterday that when she was living at home, but out with friends, I felt a constant, low-level sense of expectancy, waiting for her to call or to come home. I notice when she is not in the kitchen in the mornings, preparing her breakfast while I am preparing mine. Multiple times a day, for multiple reasons, I notice that she is not where I am used to her being. But that doesn't make me sad. I offer up a prayer for her and her new friends, I smile as I think about what an interesting person she is on the way to becoming, and I move on to other things that are starting to blossom in my life. I have always said that life is all about seasons. This is one of those times when I am challenged to walk my talk. A new season has begun. Not better, not worse - just different.
  9. I was surprised to recently learn that one of dd's classes required a special textbook that is custom published for her specific university. And not surprisingly, very expensive. Apparently it also changes every year and requires a code for use of associated online features. Talk about trying to prevent strapped parents from searching out a deal! However, she also got an email from the department saying that they would be offering a few "scholarships" to cover the cost of the book. To apply, she had to submit our FAFSA, an application and write an essay. It was stated in the email that preference would be given to students majoring in that field, which dd is not. I encouraged her to apply anyway and she got one! She picked up her book and other materials the first day of classes. So just a heads up if any of your dc come into contact with this kind of thing, that it may be worth applying for a scholarship, even if not a major. IMO, most of the kids were just anxious to get the book - it was only available about a week prior to the start of classes - so they were willing to pay anything.
  10. hillfarm


    Perhaps she can relate to the roomie a lesson I learned when I went with dd to trapeze school. Apparently there are no "beginner sized" trapeze equipment items. We learned on the same stuff the experts performed on. When I was up there, there were so few things to hold on to that I had a death grip on the few I could grab. One was a bar on the platform. But I had to let go of it to reach out to the swing bar. It was so lovely and solid! It was so safe! But I knew I couldn't move forward and swing until I let go of the platform. I had to repeat that lesson again when it came time to release the bar and drop to the net. That skinny little bar wasn't much, but it was the only solid thing in my whole life at that exact point in time and I surely did not want to let it go. But I had to in order to reach the safety and comfort of the net and then the ground. At the time, those things seemed to be the only good things in my life. But I couldn't make any progress if I continued to hold on to them. I had to literally take a leap of faith in order to move on to the next very good thing. And I was able to go back up again and enjoy the security of those good, solid items as many times as I wanted, but they eventually lost their hold on me as I became more familiar and skilled at my "next step" endeavor. They became a few of many good things rather than the only good things. Letting go doesn't mean leaving forever. Letting go can be a part of learning to manage growth, and we can go back and hold on again whenever we want. HTH :)
  11. One amusing packing story... So there we are, the ROTC guys have carried all of dd's stuff up to the third floor, including her plants. Her new room mate and suite mate and room mate's mother are present. When I exclaim in horror and disbelief, "What is this in your plant? OMG - it's a dirty sock!", which I proceeded to fish out with one finger and toss into a nearby waste can. I can only imagine what the ROTC guy was thinking - "This freshman girl is a slob!", what the other girls were thinking - "Oh my, this girl may be a problem!" and what the other Mom was thinking - "This girl's mother obviously did not raise her right! I certainly hope that does not rub off on my child!" :crying: It may be a long year.
  12. I can also relate. Up until the last minute, dd was still dawdling around, packing a little of this and a little of that. It almost drove me crazy. I told dh how hard it was for me to sit there and watch. I am good at organizing, packing and all that stuff. I knew that she would wait until the last minute and then it would become a family crisis, not just her crisis. Because even if only one of us is at fault, we all pitch in to help avert the crisis, if needed. That has been our dynamic for a long time. It is very hard to switch from that to a sink or swim on your own merit/effort model, even if we know it is best for her. I think that is one of the reasons I am still unsettled regarding her departure. I keep holding my breath, wondering whether she will call at midnight Sunday night or 6:00am Monday morning and tell me she forgot her books or something else really important.
  13. I finally have something to contribute! We helped dd move in today. The best thing we did was get there early, about 15 minutes before the dorms actually opened. Dh had 95% of her stuff in his truck and had pulled into the parking lot a few minutes ahead of dd and I in a second vehicle. The first thing we saw was him and his 12 new, best friends - a group from the campus ROTC (God bless those fine young men and women!!!). As soon as the doors unlocked about 5 minutes later, they all grabbed something and in the blink of an eye, we were unloaded and everything was delivered to her 3rd floor room. Dh had to go to a meeting at his office right after he helped hook her computer, tv and printer up. I stayed and helped her put things away. Her roommate moved in, and suitemate as well. It seems as if they will be a good group. Then the suitemate had to leave for work and the roommate had to go to a meeting and I left for lunch and a last minute Walmart run, so poor, little dd was left there, all alone. But, by the time I grabbed a bite of lunch and picked up those last few things at Walmart and got back to campus, she and a new friend came down to get them. So not so sad and lonely after all! I feel kind of like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am braced for some kind of panicked communication regarding some critically important item that was left behind. But maybe not - I was happily wrong about her being lonely, so maybe I will be wrong about this too. I was worried I would feel really sad, but for now, all I feel is tired and a bit overwhelmed by the need to get the house back in order after Hurricane DD blasted out.
  14. Just keep an eye out that they do not decide to charge you for a private room. Be sure they know that your dd requested a double, was assigned a room mate and will change to another room or welcome another roommate if one is assigned. It is no fault of hers if none are assigned.
  15. One size does not fit all. A lot of schools tout the "stay there for at least a month" idea. That is what fits their needs best. What is best for your family or your dd may be different. Does she want to quit, or does she just want a little respite from the new, and perhaps unexpected, pressures of college life? Since she is fairly close, could you arrange for you and dh to go visit her for a while? It might be helpful to do things that emphasize her changing role in the family and highlight the good experiences she is having. Maybe have her show you around and share her favorite new places with you. Now, a week before leaving, my dd is adamant that she does not want to see dh and I for at least a month (she is a first born, rule follower;) ). It will be interesting to me to see whether she still feels that way after couple of weeks. Dh works on campus, so she could pop in for a brief visit anytime during working hours, but I think she will avoid that. She has mentioned wanting to perhaps come back for a Sunday afternoon to help with a youth organization we work with, when it starts up again in the fall. If she felt the need to return home frequently, I would strongly suggest she move out of the dorm and become a commuter. However, her role in our family would then be that of an adult living with us whose "job" is school, rather than that of a dependent child, with few responsibilities. It is perfectly okay with me if she needs to mature a little slower than the next person, but it is not okay with me if she doesn't want to mature at all.
  16. We are struggling to get it all together, The room stuff, the shared bathroom stuff, the books and school supplies, the new school clothes, the old school clothes, lost running shoes, last minute financial details, online alcohol and sexual harassment prevention videos for dd to watch, It kind of makes for an unpleasant couple of last weeks before moving her in. I keep telling myself that this, too, shall pass and that she will thrive once she gets there. But there is that tiny, little, niggling doubt in the back of my mind that she is not ready. That all this will be for nothing. I haven't felt this unsettled since we started homeschooling and I was sure I was ruining her life. Breathe, we just have to breathe deeply. And drink wine. And hold on.
  17. My dd went on a "senior trip" with several friends, her first co-ed one. I was concerned about the physical stuff of hiking, rock climbing, water sports etc., but also about the social stuff. I worry about this since she is an only child. She came home and told us how angry and disgusted she was with several of the guys on the trip. I waited apprehensively to hear what they had done. Turns out, they were slobs. They left food out, left dirty plates everywhere, didn't pick up their wet towells, etc. (BTW, all things that I have fussed at dd for doing this past semester at home;) ) She was livid when describing finding a half-eaten bowl of cereal "with milk!!!" that had been left on an end table all day while they were out. I have to confess, it was very hard to keep my face composed and still my tongue. In hindsight, I am very glad we decided to let her go on the trip. It was important for her to learn how it feels to have to be the one doing all the cleaning. I think it dispelled a number of unrealistic, romantic notions she might have had about the opposite sex. It was important for her to begin to see guys as individuals, some of whom are tidy and others of whom are...not.
  18. My dd considered cc as training on how to do well in college. She was able to take college level courses and deal with professors and other things but still had the safety net of living at home and being able to discuss things with dh and me. She also said that dozens of people she met at her recent 4 yr college orientation commented on how smart she had been to attend cc first. Most who commented were upperclassmen and professors. Administrators, not so much. ;) Honestly, one of the big things she did was to take some of the harder classes that are not in her major area but are general requirements. She had heard that they were really tough at the 4 yr and not quite as difficult at the cc. Whether this is a myth or not, many people have congratulated her on how smart it was to do it that way. Regarding your dd, you might make a big deal of coming up with some new House Rules, now that she is a college student (minor changes that are age and activity appropriate), possibly even change her room to be a bit more like a dorm room (or try things like a new desk lamp or laundry bag to see what she will prefer at the 4 yr) and be sure you always introduce her as "my daughter who is in college". If you are religious, consider allowing her to attend a different worship service than you do, one with some of her cc friends. Also have her check around for perks. In our area, many local businesses offer discounts to students from the local cc. My dd loved pulling up at the local Taco Bell and flashing her cc id for a discount. Encourage her to join clubs at the cc, to make new friends there and to do the long study sessions at the local all-night diner. I think the main thing is to help her feel that she is entering a new phase of her life, not just prolonging the previous one. Take this time to chat about the deeper things, what she wants to be "when she grows up", what she thinks about local and world events, perhaps help her create and learn how to execute her own nutritional plan. I think all those things really helped dd feel that she had transitioned to college, even though she did the cc as dual enrollment and was only 15 when she started. At the beginning, she interacted more with her high school friends. By the end, she was much more plugged into the culture of the cc and only rarely spent time with the high school crowd.
  19. IIRC, dd had the option of 3 retakes per semester. She did great in English but struggled with the math. Although she gets A's in math classes, she doesn't retain the information very well at all. She tried twice and couldn't get anywhere near the score she needed, so we spoke with the Dean and he approved her to try the College Algebra course without the requisite Compass score, but did require her to sign up for a tutor right away. She aced the class, but did need the tutor to help her refresh her understanding of several concepts. Now that she is back up to speed with math (she hadn't taken it for about 18 months before the Compass test), she has now been requested to tutor others.
  20. Dd's dorm recommends the tension curtain rods rather than anything hanging on the walls.
  21. At the school dd will be attending, there are two sets of requirements. One set of gen reqs is for all undergraduates of the university. The second set is specific to each school/college there. While there may be some amount of cross-over, the two are not identical, even for Arts and Sciences. So dd will need to take one junior level composition class to finish with the first set and will have to take an applied science and 4 semesters of foreign language (she took it during her 8th and 10th grades of homeschooling, but feared that she had forgotten too much so chose not to take the placement test and just start at the beginning) to complete the second set of requirements. Everything else she takes at the uni will be in one of her two majors or something just for fun. The website I mentioned above specifically listed the equivalent classes from the cc to the uni and also had it broken down so that she could determine which ones fulfilled which requirements. Do check to see if the schools you are considering provide this. It was very helpful to know that credits from English 151 at the cc would be accepted at the uni as English Composition 1510, which filled the English portion of the first level of uni-wide gen reqs. In general, the advising people at the local cc caution 4 yr bound students to focus on the gen eds and not to take classes other than the introductory ones in their major area, since most of the 4 yrs around here want all of those classes to be taken on their campus, from their instructors. Doing so will result in what the cc calls a Liberal Arts Transfer degree, an AA that has minimal practical use in seeking a job/career. As Lori D. mentioned, the AAS is the 2 yr degree that is intended to give students a practical degree they can use to begin a career. We had to be on top of things to be sure that all dd's high school credit requirements were met while simultaneously meeting the 2 yr degree requirements and the 4yr gen ed reqs. They have an annoying equivalency where each cc credit is counted as .2 of a high school credit, so one cc semester 3-credit class will not equal one full hs credit and 2 cc semesters will be .2 over. I'm not sure if this was an artifact of the change from quarters to semesters, of the updated requirements for hs students, or a bit of greed on the part of the cc, which stands to benefit financially when students have to pick up that one extra semester of cc classes in math, English or science to fill all their high school needs. Dd is taking one extra cc class over the summer, but this was due to a midstream change of course from a Business Administration Transfer AA degree program to the more general Liberal Arts Transfer AA. Although her basic d/e program was fully paid for by the state, including books, this summer class is through another program and we had to pay $99 for it. We would have had to buy the book, but the cc library had several copies and the librarian kindly loaned one to her for the duration of the semester. One way to avoid all this would be to take the d/e classes at the 4 yr college or uni, if possible. In my area, students can do this but must have a slightly higher gpa for the state uni d/e program and a bit higher than that for the private 4 yr. However, this allows no wiggle room for that school to say that English Composition 1510, taken on their campus, taught by their instructor to d/e students and their undergraduates alike, would not count. If a student had been taking d/e classes for several years and had already completed the gen reqs and wanted to get started on their core classes for their major, this would be a good use of their remaining d/e time. It only works if you are local to those schools though. ETA: I just remembered that many classes are now available online. Depending on the subject, your student might be able to get some of those core classes completed even if you don't live near the 4 yr school.)
  22. Dd did dual enrollment, although she attended all her junior and senior year classes of high school at the cc. She earned 63 credit hours, which will cover all but 1 or 2 of the gen ed requirements for the university. They were very clear that although she has all the credits, she would be considered as a first year university student. She qualified for freshman financial aid levels, will be living in the freshman-only dorm, has the same restrictions (no car on campus, required to live on campus, learning community involvement, etc) as all other freshmen. The admissions adviser told us that when it will make a difference is when she registers for classes in future years. Due to having a higher number of credits, she will be able to register for her classes earlier than most of her original cohort. I am unclear about how the other things (cars, residency) will be determined, or when/if qualifiers will change from time on campus to credit hours earned. Benefits we are aware of so far (she starts uni this fall): she is much more relaxed about the potential academic pressures, she will be able to easily do a double major and still graduate in 4 years, she is already comfortable with dealing with most of the students being older than her, she is used to not being "babied" by her instructors (unlike our local public high schools). Negatives: she gets a little weary sometimes as being classified as neither "fish nor fowl", different from her friends but not like the others either. It was difficult to get the preassigned adviser at orientation to comprehend that as a freshman, she already has all but one junior-level course of the gen ed reqs completed.The first Learning Community they tried to put her in wouldn't work because she had already taken both of the classes. They had to move her to a more advanced one. I am surprised that schools are not more familiar with dealing with dual enrollment students who bring many credits with them.The program is very popular in our area and they have been seeing these students coming into their programs for several years. I would also urge parents to contact potential schools to see how they handle this because I have been told it varies widely from school to school. We were fortunate to have a website that provided a specific list of equivalents between her cc and uni, so we could be certain what classes would transfer and at what level. If your dc are considering attending a local 4-yr school, perhaps they could take their de classes at the 4-yr directly. That way there could be no confusion about what would transfer. HTH
  23. I have told my dd that I would love her regardless of what was going on, but I have also told her that there are times when I am not happy with her behavior. Do your ds a favor and help him to learn that work is an important part of life. If he can't land a job, then he needs to set goals for how many hours per week he will spend searching for one and how many hours he will spend volunteering and/or working for you around the house. Tell him that this is about more than whether you are proud of him. It is about encouraging and enabling him to take ownership of his life. If, after a reasonable period of time for your area, he hasn't found work, particularly if he hasn't truly tried to do so, then it would be time to sit down and work out an extremely limited budget for him. Food? Only what we have here at home. Gas for the car? No, unless you are running an errand for the family or looking for work. Discretionary funds to take said girlfriend out or spend on entertainment? No. Actions and the lack thereof have consequences. The consequence of not working is having very little money.
  24. I want to learn to enjoy it! Oh, wise Kinsa, help me see the bright side of the experience. We already know quite a bit about the dorm and dh works at the university, so we are pretty familiar with it (and maybe know more about the inner workings than we should ;) ). I need to learn how to smile and be pleasant during the course selection portion and how not to roll my eyes during any financial aid discussions. And since dd will only be 17yo when she starts this fall, I am pretty adamant about being kept in the loop regarding her grades, health, etc. I need to stop thinking "This is my child's future we are talking about here and I have invested a tremendous amount of time and money getting her to this point, don't mess it up." Please, Obi Wan Kinsa, you're my only hope! :)
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