I vow to never, ever, ever skip researching books before selecting them for a book club.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I will never, ever, ever shirk my duty to research the content of books we select for a kids book club. Last fall, we selected the books for our girls' book club, which consists of 8 girls ages 10 - 13. I looked up most of them, but a few were "classics" so I didn't pay as much attention.

 

Today, dd12 is upstairs bawling her eyes out because she has figured out that the dogs die in Where the Red Fern Grows. Yes, it is a beautifully written book with lots of literary qualities. But WHAT WERE WE THINKING?? A bunch of animal-loving, hormonal pre-teens reading this book is a disaster!

 

I want to be sympathetic, but I don't want to feed into her hormonal drama. Pass the kleenex and pray that we get through this day and maybe get a little bit of schoolwork done.

[alisoncooks]

Well heck. Where the Red Fern Grows makes ME bawl my eyes out. :p

[Chrysalis Academy]

Me too!!!! I'm still traumatized by some of the animal suffering/death books I read at that age. I will not be assigning anything along those lines to dd. She can read them on her own if she wants, but I will not be handing one to her with a rec to read it, that's for sure!

[Gentlemommy]

I read it in fifth grade, and despite being a HUGE animal lover, I absolutely loved that book. I can't wait for dd to be old enough.

[Julie Smith]

The only book we have done that often? sometimes? makes people cry is, "Charolette's Web". Other then that I'm staying away from those kinds of books. Perhaps they can read them when they are grown up and have left home. :laugh:

[QuirkyKapers]

I read it in fifth grade, and despite being a HUGE animal lover, I absolutely loved that book. I can't wait for dd to be old enough.

 

Me too! In fact, I think I read it every year all the way through ninth grade. I did a book report on it every time too.

[HS Mom in NC]

For a different view on that....

 

I think we're too much a Disneyfied culture. We're Siddhartha isolated in the palace ignorant of pain and suffering around us. Most people seem to think everything should have a happy ending and no sadness should be voluntarily sampled. Well, when loved ones die, it's sad. When people or characters suffer, it's sad. Sad is a perfectly legitimate emotion and a theme to be covered. Being sad for the right reasons (it would be wrong to be sad about justice, merciful acts, and the like) is just part of the human experience. Avoiding that part of life isn't good for people.

 

This plays itself out in reality all the time. I'm astounded by how many women (for some reason it seems to be women in my experience) who are incapable of appropriate comfort because they're terrified of sadness. Someone is hurting or grieving and a shocking percentage say something nonsensical like, "Oh! Don't be sad......" OR "Oh, don't cry...." Which is bizarre. Many a sermon or speech has been ruined because this cultural norm demands "comic relief" from intensely sad or solemn emotion, when the speaker foolishly adds in something to make people laugh. How inappropriate and emotionally immature. Sadness and crying are the appropriate responses and important to the grieving and healing process. Other cultures have had a long history of designated periods of mourning and open waling and grieving during a loss.

 

Reading about it with imaginary characters is instructive and teaches empathy for future real life situations. It teaches the importance of appropriate anger and sadness. It teaches us not to be that person who says to someone feeling legitimate anger and grief, "Oh, don't be sad..." or "Don't be angry..." That person is oppressive to the person grieving. When someone is encouraged to grieve they learn how important and healing grief is. They learn they can handle difficult things and move on beyond it a stronger, more complete, mature person ready to support and comfort others in tough times.

 

I say that having an actually traumatized child who was adopted intentionally. The only mother she knew was her foster mother in Korea for the first 7 months of her life. She was loved and adored and when she came here she went through all the identifiable stages of grief. When she hit anger it was intense. As the attachment therapist said, "Of course she's angry-she SHOULD be angry. She lost someone she loves. Let her be angry-if she doesn't she'll have emotional problems later. Soon she'll hit the mourning stage and it'll be heartbreaking for her and you, but it's important that she does so she can heal. "

 

In the parenting classes we had before she arrived the person speaking about what it's like watching the children grieve could barely speak though it, but for the sake of the children they have to fight the American cultural norm of insisting everyone be happy all the time. Having watched my daughter go through it myself, I'm glad I'm typing because it's the saddest thing I've ever witnessed. The sounds are almost not human. It would have be cruel of us to keep distracting her from such an important process. We loved and cradled and comforted her through it, but we respected the rightness of her feeling angry and sad.

 

My husband's 43 year old sister was just diagnosed with terminal cancer last month. (Her breast cancer from 7 years ago is back. ) When her husband found out he screamed and yelled and beat the h3ll out of their couch. Good for him. My husband is angry and sad. All my in laws and everyone who loves her are sad and angry. That's the right response. When her now 8 year old daughter and 11 year old son lose their mother, they'll be sad and angry. What else could they be?

 

My in laws are people who avoid all pain and discomfort and are not handling this very well. They're afraid of the sadness and end up missing out on what's left of her life like the photo shoot of family she wanted. Yes, it was sad to see her taking what will likely be the last photos of her life with her kids and other relatives, but they should have sucked it up and felt the pain rather than leaving early because it was too sad. If they run away from this last sad stage, they'll miss what's left.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am not saying that we should always be shielded from difficult emotions. Dd is a very sweet, sensitive girl who can't stand to see suffering. She has a strong sense of empathy. Dd volunteers at an animal shelter and is very aware of what happens to animals who don't make it to our shelter (limited admission but full commitment once admitted.) We have had to deal with the fact that some of the dogs we had grown to love at the shelter had to be euthanized (became too sick or had become dangerously aggressive.) She has lived through close relatives dying. She's been to their wakes and funerals. She has been to nursing homes and homeless shelters. She is not sheltered from her emotions.

 

I asked dd why she was bawling over this book and how she was able to take the Hunger Games trilogy in stride (some tears, but not the body wracking sobs.) She tearfully wailed "Because they are dogs!!!"

 

I am not saying that no one should ever read this book. I am just saying that this book was a poor choice for a girls' book club discussion. Just about all of these girls are animal lovers, and are dealing with the emotions of puberty. We will be bringing a box of kleenex and suggesting No More Dead Dogs as a followup.

[texasmama]

The only book we have done that often? sometimes? makes people cry is, "Charolette's Web". Other then that I'm staying away from those kinds of books. Perhaps they can read them when they are grown up and have left home. :laugh:

Every time I read the end of Charlotte's Web, I cry. I have read it aloud to my own kids three times. I still cry so much I can hardly get through it. My kids think I'm nuts. It's not like the ending was a surprise after all these times reading it!

[elegantlion]

My ds is well versed in the hard realities of life, but that is one book I refuse to read it to him or have him read it. I have a hard time with animal death. I worked for 5 years as a vet assistant, I've seen all the nasty horrible things that can happen to pets by our hand and by nature.

 

Our teacher read us that book in 4th grade. By the end all the girls were in tears, and all the boys were giggling as a response while trying not burst in to tears. I watched a movie of it at some point.

 

We're currently reading and relishing The Iliad, so it's not simply content, but I think that book in particular (again it's been a long time since I red it) has such an air of despair and sadness.

 

Last night we were watching The Mentalist. A hit man was asked to kill a child, he refused and said that was his boundary. To me that book crosses a personal boundary.

 

It's not about wanting a Disney ending for everything, really it's not. That book is downright, horribly, awful despairing.

[Kareni]

Thank you for a lovely post, Homeschool Mom in AZ.

 

Ellen, I'm reminded that my daughter enjoyed the book No More Dead Dogs by Gordon Korman as a young teen. You might see if your library has it.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Chrysalis Academy]

Homeschool Mom in AZ, I don't disagree with anything you wrote, and thank you for sharing.

 

Here's the thing. I can't stand stories, books, or movies where animals suffer. I can't. I can handle reality just fine, I can deal with sadness and grief and anger in my own life, and I can handle bad things happening to people in literature. But if I read/watch something with a suffering animal, I melt into a pitiful sobbing blob. I am way more upset by it than my kids are, even. I don't know why, and it isn't rational, and it doesn't spill over into the rest of my life - but there it is. So, I won't be reading sad animal books with my kids - not because they can't handle it, but because I can't!

[HS Mom in NC]

Sorry, but sensitivity excuses nothing. I don't think it should get anyone out of quality literature or realities of life which are much harder. I hope this doesn't get deleted as spouse bashing, but if it does, oh well, it's not my website.

 

My husband and in laws characterize themselves as very sensitive people-so does anyone who knows them well. My husband was the little boy weeping over the dead butterfly. In adulthood, he's the guy hidden away in his office reading a book when realities of life in our family are too challenging. If anyone in the house (including two hormonal teenagers) is upset his whole day is ruined and he can't get over it and he can barely function because he's so sensitive. He can't put restrictions or implement consequences for our oldest (17) because he's so sensitive he can't stand the thought of her being angry at him and moving out the day she turns 18. Oh yes, he's so sensitive he can agonize over the baby bird roasting in the AZ sun with a broken wing from falling two stories out of a nest, but he can't bring himself to kill it quickly and put it out of its misery. It's just too intense to deal with, so I have to.

 

My father in law has been of little help to my mother in law, who in the last 7 years has lost both of her parents and her two siblings and now their daughter diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's so sensitive you see, and has been before all this started, when any conflict or discomfort arises, he can't be around it, so he reads alone in his room at family vacations or eats by himself while everyone sits at the Thanksgiving dinner table. How awful of us not to respect that he hides from difficulties in his sensitivity.

 

Feel free to disagree, but I don't have anything else to say on the subject.

[TravelingChris]

I have two children who suffer from depression. One tried to claim that my using Sonlight with him when he was young led to it. (He particularly mentioned Johnny Tremain and Carry on, Mr, Bowditch). The other thinks that having lots of happy fairy tales at a young age causes it since the child grows up and sees life isn't a fairy tale. I just have to remind them that depression is a result of an imbalance of chemicals in your brain and is usually hereditary, though can be caused by some illnesses too.

[chiguirre]

 

I asked dd why she was bawling over this book and how she was able to take the Hunger Games trilogy in stride (some tears, but not the body wracking sobs.) She tearfully wailed "Because they are dogs!!!"

 

 

 

Well, there's your topic for discussion. Why do we (in general) get more upset about dogs dying than people? You might have your best discussion of the whole year on that subject.

[airforcefamily]

I have good memories of reading that book. I recently purchased it so my kids can read it too.

 

What's wrong with saying 'oh, don't cry' to someone? It's a normal response to try and say something to help to someone who is suffering, it doesn't always come out as helpful. What should someone say? 'You should be crying, keep crying'. That seems mean.

[elegantlion]

Sorry, but sensitivity excuses nothing. I don't think it should get anyone out of quality literature or realities of life which are much harder. I hope this doesn't get deleted as spouse bashing, but if it does, oh well, it's not my website.

 

My husband and in laws characterize themselves as very sensitive people-so does anyone who knows them well. My husband was the little boy weeping over the dead butterfly. In adulthood, he's the guy hidden away in his office reading a book when realities of life in our family are too challenging. If anyone in the house (including two hormonal teenagers) is upset his whole day is ruined and he can't get over it and he can barely function because he's so sensitive. He can't put restrictions or implement consequences for our oldest (17) because he's so sensitive he can't stand the thought of her being angry at him and moving out the day she turns 18. Oh yes, he's so sensitive he can agonize over the baby bird roasting in the AZ sun with a broken wing from falling two stories out of a nest, but he can't bring himself to kill it quickly and put it out of its misery. It's just too intense to deal with, so I have to.

 

My father in law has been of little help to my mother in law, who in the last 7 years has lost both of her parents and her two siblings and now their daughter diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's so sensitive you see, and has been before all this started, when any conflict or discomfort arises, he can't be around it, so he reads alone in his room at family vacations or eats by himself while everyone sits at the Thanksgiving dinner table. How awful of us not to respect that he hides from difficulties in his sensitivity.

 

Feel free to disagree, but I don't have anything else to say on the subject.

 

 

Geez, not everyone that decides not to read a heart-wrenching book to their child or for themselves is looking for excuses for their sensitivity. There is plenty of great literature out there to be read while overlooking the "dead dog" category.

 

I might recommend this book to assist in understanding and accepting your spouse, The Highly Sensitive Person. I don't agree with all of it, but as a "sensitive person" it points to many things inherent in the sensitive personality which can be hard to understand if you don't have that trait yourself.

[Roadrunner]

My 7 year old read it last summer. He loved the book. He cried, sure, but he also felt attachment and love for those animanls. I think it was the first time he was emotionally invested in characters. It was a great experience for him. Having said that, I don't think I will be giving it to my younger son to read it until he is probably at least 10 or older.

[Catwoman]

Sorry, but sensitivity excuses nothing. I don't think it should get anyone out of quality literature or realities of life which are much harder. I hope this doesn't get deleted as spouse bashing, but if it does, oh well, it's not my website.

 

 

 

Have you ever considered the possibility that you are coming across as incredibly cold and insensitive here? (I didn't quote your entire posts because they were lengthy.)

 

Obviously, you have personal issues with people in your real life that are coloring your opinions, but honestly, I think you're being way over the top and very judgmental in this thread.

 

It is absurd to suggest that just because a person prefers not to read books with sad endings or tragic circumstances, that he or she won't be able to deal with sadness or tragedy in real life.

[cin]

I feel like we get enough practice being sensitive in real life. Why read/watch something that makes us sad, On Purpose?! With that in mind, there is PLENTY of quality literature out there that does NOT contain dying dogs. She isn't trying to get out of quality literature, just the stuff that drags the girls down.

[Ali in OR]

I thought it was a beautiful book. It's not about dogs that die, it's about love. Love between the dogs, love between the boy and the dogs. Death is part of life and very sad, but love is what makes it worth living. And of course I cried. I still think it's very much worth reading (read it with dd when she was in 5th grade).

[Dmmetler]

I think it's also good to keep in mind the age and stage. 12 is prime hormonal flux for many girls, and at that point in time, it doesn't take much to be overwhelming. A year or two earlier, or later, and they might have been fine with the book. I remember bawling over "Dead Dogs" books in early middle school, but then hitting one on a reading list in about 9th grade and being able to see the author making a point, but it not having near the emotional impact to me-actually, by that point, it was more "OK, there's a dog, and we care about him, therefore the dog is going to die, so what is the author saying through this dead dog?"

[Farrar]

I think crying does not equal bad. In fact, it almost automatically equals good. I've never cried over something that wasn't emotionally effective.

 

It's always good to be prepared for a book for parents. And I do think there can be a few exceptions - some kids are genuinely more sensitive - but I don't think it's so many that in an average group of kids anyone would need to be excused from reading a book such as this. And I don't think the age is a good reason not to read it. When kids are younger, I do think there may be themes to avoid, but by age 12 or so, I think you just have to stop doing that for the most part. When I was that age, I sought out cathartic experiences like reading emotional literature for exactly this reason. My mother wonderfully understood this as a healthy thing - we would talk about "needing a good cry" and so forth. That always made me feel validated. I was proud that I could read something like Where the Red Fern Grows (though not that specifically... I'm not much of a dog person) and cry and have an emotional release and then NOT be a crazy drama queen like some of the other girls I knew.

[DianeW88]

Sorry, but sensitivity excuses nothing. I don't think it should get anyone out of quality literature or realities of life which are much harder. I hope this doesn't get deleted as spouse bashing, but if it does, oh well, it's not my website.

 

My husband and in laws characterize themselves as very sensitive people-so does anyone who knows them well. My husband was the little boy weeping over the dead butterfly. In adulthood, he's the guy hidden away in his office reading a book when realities of life in our family are too challenging. If anyone in the house (including two hormonal teenagers) is upset his whole day is ruined and he can't get over it and he can barely function because he's so sensitive. He can't put restrictions or implement consequences for our oldest (17) because he's so sensitive he can't stand the thought of her being angry at him and moving out the day she turns 18. Oh yes, he's so sensitive he can agonize over the baby bird roasting in the AZ sun with a broken wing from falling two stories out of a nest, but he can't bring himself to kill it quickly and put it out of its misery. It's just too intense to deal with, so I have to.

 

My father in law has been of little help to my mother in law, who in the last 7 years has lost both of her parents and her two siblings and now their daughter diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's so sensitive you see, and has been before all this started, when any conflict or discomfort arises, he can't be around it, so he reads alone in his room at family vacations or eats by himself while everyone sits at the Thanksgiving dinner table. How awful of us not to respect that he hides from difficulties in his sensitivity.

 

Feel free to disagree, but I don't have anything else to say on the subject.

 

 

Well, clearly your personal issues are coloring you opinion.

 

I simply won't read that book because I don't like stories where animals die. I won't even read "By The Shores of Silver Lake" out loud to my kids because I Can. Not. Handle. Jack dying. Nothing deeper or more mysterious than that. I can deal with animal problems in real life, I can deal with my kids just fine, and I don't fall apart in difficult situations or when someone is experiencing grief. My mother died from cancer nine years ago, and I handled that (along with all the chaos and upheaval that accompanies serious illness) with flying colors. In my job, I saw children who were in horribly abusive situations, children with severe trauma, and children who were dying. I dealt with it and with their grieving family members.

 

When I choose to read a book, I do so to be entertained and to escape from daily cares and worries. I prefer that most of the stories I read be happy and uplifting. That doesn't mean I won't occasionally read something dark and serious, but most of the time it isn't my cup of tea. And I read for pleasure, not to torture myself. I don't think that makes me some sort of Pollyanna, or someone who is overly sensitive. I don't think I need to "buck up" and struggle through "Old Yeller" or "Bambi", because somehow I'll be a better person for it. I don't think there is any correlation at all between reading sad books and the ability to deal with real life grief.

 

I also don't think that forcing kids to read something upsetting is somehow "good for their psyche". I think it's quite the opposite, actually. Why get all upset and worked up over something if you don't have to, and you don't enjoy it? It's fiction, for heaven's sake. Read what you like...life's hard enough.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Well, we had our discussion today and it went OK. My daughter was fighting back tears during much of the discussion and became impatient with some of the other girls (one is ridiculously talkative, as in we have to remind her to let others get a word in edgewise.) Yes, the issue of why they cried over the dogs but didn't cry over other tragic characters was brought up in this discussion. For dd, she felt manipulated into loving these dogs and then have them killed was too much for her.

 

There is so much great literature out there that I don't feel it is necessary to read a book with subject matter so close to her heart. Yes, there were some great themes in the book, but they were lost on my normally intuitive daughter because she was so overwhelmed with emotion. It did not accomplish what we hoped it would. Dd is so much more mature emotionally than her brothers, who aren't bothered by this kind of stuff. She is more compassionate and giving and is a wonderful example to me. To say that one HAS to read dead dog literature in order to be a caring person is just BS. To say that one should never be excused from reading a book (and I did NOT excuse her from reading it) because it may make her an emotional wimp is ludicrus.

 

I personally have a lot of difficulty where children are hurt or abused. Does that make me an emotional whimp? No, it shows that I am a sensitive caring person who does not need to put those ideas in my head because they are already there. My sister will read any trash that is out there - any disturbing thing. But, she was the whimp who bailed any time my mom had a medical episode and she was the one who left me to make all the big decisions about my mom's end-of-life care, despite her having expertise in this area.

 

This does not mean that I will only be choosing pablum for her to read ... far from it. Out of our group, I think I am the most liberal as far as maturity of subject matter that I allow.

[Terabith]

What's wrong with saying 'oh, don't cry' to someone? It's a normal response to try and say something to help to someone who is suffering, it doesn't always come out as helpful. What should someone say? 'You should be crying, keep crying'. That seems mean.

 

I want to say this gently, because I know that you mean well here. But yes, in many cases, that is EXACTLY what you should say, and it is not mean. It is, in fact, liberating and healing for a person who is suffering to hear that affirmation. Telling someone, "Oh, don't cry," is not really about making them feel better. Rather it tends to be about making you, or other observer, feel better. We don't like seeing them suffer, so we want to make things better, but in cases of real grief, that does not serve the person well. It invalidates their suffering. They SHOULD cry, because there are things that are worthy of tears, and to suppress those tears is not going to serve them well. Sit with them. Hold them, if appropriate. But don't try to stop their tears or their pain.

[Holly]

I also enjoy a sad story...something about crying is cathartic and also usually means I've connected with a book.

 

Every time I read the end of Charlotte's Web, I cry. I have read it aloud to my own kids three times. I still cry so much I can hardly get through it. My kids think I'm nuts. It's not like the ending was a surprise after all these times reading it!

 

I cried when we read this aloud and my oldest said, "Mom...It's a spider." :rolleyes:

[Melissa in Australia]

I cried when reading that book too. I cry when reading lots of books. Sometimes I feel like a good cry and get out a sad story. Works like a charm.

[Pod's mum]

I've just watched Love Actually again and love the scene where a man breaks down and cries following the recent death of his wife. A good friend gives him a hug, lets him cry and then she says something along the lines of "Don't be a cry baby. You'll never get another shag that way!"

It was lovely and helped him to break the tension and climb out of his misery.

 

I've done the same to friends and children when I could see they needed to hold it together at that time. Other times I've cried with them.

I don't think it is a hard rule. Personally sometimes I need to cry, othertimes I need to hold it together.

 

When my first baby was just diagnosed, I couldn't watch any news or current affairs and had to avoid anything confronting or I'd be a mess.

At times when I'm stronger I can share other's pain.

These books that cut us are the ones we remember and become part of us.

Edited January 15, 2013 by Pod's mum

[Farrar]

I've just watched Love Actually again and love the scene where a man breaks down and cries following the recent death of his wife. A good friend gives him a hug, lets him cry and then she says something along the lines of "Don't be a cry baby. You'll never get another shag that way!"

It was lovely and helped him to break the tension and climb out of his misery.

 

I've done the same to friends and children when I could see they needed to hold it together at that time. Other times I've cried with them.

I don't think it is a hard rule. Personally sometimes I need to cry, othertimes I need to hold it together.

 

When my first baby was just diagnosed, I couldn't watch any news or current affairs and had to avoid anything confronting or I'd be a mess.

At times when I'm stronger I can share other's pain.

These books that cut us are the ones we remember and become part of us.

 

Yes. I agree. There's not a hard and fast rule. Sometimes we need to cry and be encouraged to do so. And sometimes we need people to help us suck it up. And hopefully a good, responsive, sensitive parent knows which is which with a kid.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I agree that you should review all books for a book club. And you should review all books for your child if some books are liable to be unacceptable for whatever reason. We just read Where the Red Fern Grows. I bawled. My kids (both animal lovers ) did not. Personally I agree that the theme of love in that book was very powerful.

[Bang!Zoom!]

I will never, ever, ever shirk my duty to research the content of books we select for a kids book club. Last fall, we selected the books for our girls' book club, which consists of 8 girls ages 10 - 13. I looked up most of them, but a few were "classics" so I didn't pay as much attention.

 

Today, dd12 is upstairs bawling her eyes out because she has figured out that the dogs die in Where the Red Fern Grows. Yes, it is a beautifully written book with lots of literary qualities. But WHAT WERE WE THINKING?? A bunch of animal-loving, hormonal pre-teens reading this book is a disaster!

 

I want to be sympathetic, but I don't want to feed into her hormonal drama. Pass the kleenex and pray that we get through this day and maybe get a little bit of schoolwork done.

 

 

Empathy...tons and tons of it.

 

Once upon a time, I was on a flight - a really large plane...and about 3/4 of it was all teen-aged girls - some huge competition for a singing group as I recall...so you can imagine the noise now and then as they practiced..lol..it's an overnight flight- and what did this stupid airline decide to play for the in-flight movie which ended only about a half an hour before landing?

 

MARLEY and ME

 

Oh Dear God, the bawling was unbelievable. I will never ever forget that flight as long as I live.

 

I hear ya...sympathy/i.get.it

[Lizzie in Ma]

That book makes me bawl too, how about The Incredible Journey? Makes me bawl, but in a good way.

[lmrich]

My dd both loved and hated that book. She bawled like a baby, but it made her angry that she could be so attached to fictional characters in such a short time. Personally, I will not teach Old Yeller. That was the book I remember reading as a child that made me bawl. Of course I cry easily. It is hard to teach when your are sobbing.

[elegantlion]

I've been pondering this overnight. I agree the theme of love was strong, but I agree as Ellen stated that it seems almost manipulative. Plus, the theme of love I recall is that it's when you love someone so much and they die, that it's okay to do nothing and die yourself. It shows just a portion, the despairing portion of the process of grief. I don't recall how it moves on past that because everything else was lost to me as a young 4th grader. That would have been in the 1976-77 school year. I'll save you the math, I'm 45.

 

Another book which is also sad is Bridge to Terabithia. I cried at the end of it, but I remember in 1977 going out and saving and spending my very small allowance to buy the hardback copy of the book? It's the same copy I still own and read to ds when he was in 4th grade. Why the difference? It's not just the dog vs. people characters. There is still grief, but the book shows us how to move through that grief. By the end of the book, Jess is honoring his friend's memory and sharing part of what made her special with other people, mainly his own sister. He's sad, but he didn't lay down to die and stay there, he found a way to help others remember her. Reflecting back, that is the portion of grief I wanted ds to understand. I don't recall knowing this as a child, but the book was written to help the author's son deal with the death of one of his friends. Perhaps, that is why it reads differently, it is the words of a mother attempting to comfort her son.

[Mom-ninja.]

 

When I choose to read a book, I do so to be entertained and to escape from daily cares and worries. I prefer that most of the stories I read be happy and uplifting. That doesn't mean I won't occasionally read something dark and serious, but most of the time it isn't my cup of tea. And I read for pleasure, not to torture myself. I don't think that makes me some sort of Pollyanna, or someone who is overly sensitive. I don't think I need to "buck up" and struggle through "Old Yeller" or "Bambi", because somehow I'll be a better person for it. I don't think there is any correlation at all between reading sad books and the ability to deal with real life grief.

 

I also don't think that forcing kids to read something upsetting is somehow "good for their psyche". I think it's quite the opposite, actually. Why get all upset and worked up over something if you don't have to, and you don't enjoy it? It's fiction, for heaven's sake. Read what you like...life's hard enough.

 

 

:iagree: Most books I read I want to uplift me not depress me. Same with movies. I don't need my "entertainment" to depress or upset me. Life does that enough.

 

There are books I read as a child that I still carry the scars from the trauma. I wish I had never read them.

 

It's a tough call to try and figure out which books will scar and which won't. There are many books I've read that are sad and yet I love them. However, there are a few that just plain traumatized me and I regret reading them to this day.

 

As parents we try to find that line.

[Walking-Iris]

Well all I have to say is that sometimes literature is not meant to be "entertainment." Even children's literature. Most author's are not writing just to entertain. Those are usually the better books as far as education is concerned.

 

I read Where the Red Fern Grows around that age. It's one of my favorite childhood books. I cried. And yet I remember the feeling and the lesson and the themes better than I remember anything from my entertaining Sweet Valley High books. If the op's dd felt manipulated in liking the dogs and then upset at their death---well good. What a great opportunity to talk about how the author managed to do that. It would be a pretty poor book indeed if the dogs died and we DIDN'T care.

 

I have a very sensitive ds. We just read The Family Under the Bridge. He was very interested in talking about poverty, childhood hunger, and homelessness with me. I was surprised at how rapt his attention was on this book. Begging me to keep reading. I didn't pre-read it (I usually do) and had no idea that we were going to talk about such big issues.

 

My ds is dx'ed OCD and anxiety. And I wouldn't in a million years keep him away from reading something that may make him cry or think. However, each family needs to decide for themselves what is appropriate. I personally don't want Hunger Games anywhere near my home for example. But that may not be other's opinions.

 

I wouldn't force a kid to read a book, although a child does need some familiarity with certain classics to be considered (again just my opinion) a well educated person.

[Dory]

This is one huge animal lover that read the books when she was in second grade. I cried. I cried LOTS. I still was excited to share it with my kids. My older two cried a lot and we talked about it after.

[fairfarmhand]

I have good memories of reading that book. I recently purchased it so my kids can read it too. What's wrong with saying 'oh, don't cry' to someone? It's a normal response to try and say something to help to someone who is suffering, it doesn't always come out as helpful. What should someone say? 'You should be crying, keep crying'. That seems mean.

 

You say, "I am so sorry. Would you like me to hug you or hold your hand or just go away?" And then you respect whatever they have to say.

 

WRT the book, I think the theme of Love with all you have, even when it hurts is beautiful. That said, I was an adult as I read it and it made me cry. And I hate books with sad endings. As pp's mentioned, I read for enjoyment. Sometimes I read to make myself better. But fiction to me should be fun.

[Roadrunner]

I like books that move me and make me emotional. I think that's a sign of good lit. The only book I have read that I wished I never knew existied is the Kite Runner. I wish I could forget what I read.

[Pod's mum]

I like books that move me and make me emotional. I think that's a sign of good lit. The only book I have read that I wished I never knew existied is the Kite Runner. I wish I could forget what I read.

 

I had the book, unread and watched this film.

It is a very powerful and well done film, as I believe the book is.

But I will not read the book.

The violence and the particular form of violence done to that child is an image I'm stuck with.

I know the theme of hope and redemption is strong, but that image and the damage it did to all involved is not one I can get rid of either.

[KrissiK]

When I taught 5th grade I read this aloud to my class. Ok, I was standing in front of my class bawling, half the class was bawling and a few boys were looking around at the rest of us bewildered.

[AndyJoy]

My 4th grade teacher read us Where the Red Fern Grows. When the dogs died, we were all in tears, including the boys. But the sight of our teacher bawling her eyes out unable to compose herself made us giggle a little. After a 10 minute break and several false starts, she just couldn't read it anymore. She had me finish reading the book to my class!

[JFSinIL]

A local 5th grade teacher had gotten classroom copies of The Princess Diaries for the girls to read...based on the Disney film she thought they'd be o.k. Er - not really (have YOU read them?). She pulled the books once I pointed out their older, teenage contents ;-)

[sbgrace]

Sorry, but sensitivity excuses nothing. I don't think it should get anyone out of quality literature or realities of life which are much harder. I hope this doesn't get deleted as spouse bashing, but if it does, oh well, it's not my website.

 

My husband and in laws characterize themselves as very sensitive people-so does anyone who knows them well. My husband was the little boy weeping over the dead butterfly. In adulthood, he's the guy hidden away in his office reading a book when realities of life in our family are too challenging. If anyone in the house (including two hormonal teenagers) is upset his whole day is ruined and he can't get over it and he can barely function because he's so sensitive. He can't put restrictions or implement consequences for our oldest (17) because he's so sensitive he can't stand the thought of her being angry at him and moving out the day she turns 18. Oh yes, he's so sensitive he can agonize over the baby bird roasting in the AZ sun with a broken wing from falling two stories out of a nest, but he can't bring himself to kill it quickly and put it out of its misery. It's just too intense to deal with, so I have to.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm going to suggest that it might be healing to do some learning about the differences you are seeing. It's not his fault he is wired that way. I've got two family members, including one son, who are sensitive. My son was born that way and changing that would be as impossible as changing my penchant for logical thinking. Strong Willed Child or Dreamer is a book that was so helpful to me in understanding both my son and my other (adult) family member. I'd encourage you to do your husband a favor and read some good books on the subject. I'd say, given your feelings on it, it's very fortunate you don't have a child who inherited the temperament!

[Nan in Mass]

I feel like we get enough practice being sensitive in real life. Why read/watch something that makes us sad, On Purpose?! With that in mind, there is PLENTY of quality literature out there that does NOT contain dying dogs. She isn't trying to get out of quality literature, just the stuff that drags the girls down.

 

I whole-heartedly agree. There is enough real sadness in our lives without adding fictional sadness on top. My children get plenty of practice with the real stuff.

 

Different people have different threshholds. I think those whose threshhold is higher probably have a hard time understanding those whose threshhold is lower. That doesn't make the higher threshhold person a worse person - on the contrary, it makes them extremely useful, provided they are still capable of emphathizing. For example, there is no way I could be a vet because I would decend very quickly into profound, debilitating depression and become a burden to my family instead of a useful contributer. On the other hand, a person who loves animals, wants to help them, is willing to devote their lives to helping them, but can somehow put aside their empathy just long enough to help them is being far better. I know that. I think the problem is sort of like the nature/nurture problem. Will being forced to read sad literature as a child make the child more capable of dealing with sadness in his or her life, or will it just make the child not want to live in a world where such things occur and refuse to grow up? Perhaps this varies from person to person, also, but I believe that some people are born empathic and unable to block out this sort of pain and alhtough one can (and should) learn coping mechanisms, one should minimize exposure to prevent overwhelming. I have pets. I wish the world were arranged better and their life span was the same as mine, but I know that for me, the pleasure of having a pet outweighs the grief of loosing a pet. I learned that by having pets. I did not learn that by reading sad animal stories. All I learned by reading sad stories was that what I read is stuck in my head forever and I don't need fictional awfulness bouncing around in there along with my own past pets, adding to their weight to my forever grief. There are other ways to learn about good literature, ways that don't stomp on my particular sensitivities.

 

I don't think we all need to be able to do all jobs or be all things to all people. That is why we live in groups, right?

 

Nan