JennifersLost Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Do you have a family policy about teens buying food for themselves and storing it in the family kitchen? Dh really doesn't like it if the kids buy cereal they like or a bottle of soda or bagels or anything like that and store it in the family kitchen. He thinks food should be for the family and bought by the parents, except for maybe a bag of chips they eat on a friday night or something like that. I'm perfectly happy to let them buy food that I don't include in our normal budget and I don't really care if it's stored in the kitchen. Of course, dh is much more compulsively tidy than I am and I feel as long as things fit and the cupboard door closes, go to town! This is one of those issues I don't get at all. It's their money, there's room on the shelf. Who cares? Tell me your strategy about this, please... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 We do not have a strategy. No, neither of us mind if the young adult children put their purchases in refrigerator, freezer, or pantry. However, I have asked that they keep the storage areas better organized. There have been numerous duplicate purchases due to poor visibility from overcrowding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbmom Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Can you allot a shelf in the pantry (maybe a top one) to their purchases? That way anything they buy has a designated place in the kitchen and everything stays tidy. Personally, I don't have a problem with anyone buying their own food, but if it is in the pantry it is fair game for anyone in the house and there can't be any complaints if others help themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Oh, I forgot that they are supposed to put their name on the food if it is not to be shared with family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 my kids dont get a whole lot of allowance and would not spend it on food - but i do occasionally buy them treats. HOwever, my oldest daughter sometimes requests snacks for her that have gluten - like peanut butter cheese crackers, or triscuits or graham crackers. I actually have been letting her keep them in her room - if she gets bothered by bugs, she can clean. But i'd rather have the gluten crumbs away from me and the forbidden treats out of sight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I guess I would side with your husband on that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 It wouldn't bother me at all. We all have our own prefrences. I agree some type of labeling or assigned shelf would cut down on others eating their stash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 It wouldn't occur to me to be bothered by this, actually. There are so many bigger issues. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 The only thing I don't like is that they usually buy a treat food that I don't buy either due to ingredients or cost, Goldfish and Cheeze-Its come to mind, (hmm...I think they like cheesy crackers) and the tempting foods are on the counter or in the cupboard and the rest of the kids want some too and I have to say, "no, that's so and so's". I don't consider it a sharing issue either, I don't really think it would be fair to for them to buy themselves a treat only to have four younger siblings eat it all. Besides that issue though I have no problem with them buying food and keeping it in the kitchen, anyone is welcome to buy foods they would like to eat, especially foods that don't fit in my budget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 My teen loves Pringles and I'm fine with her buying a can or two with her own money. She also really likes Panera Bread OJ :huh:. She can buy both and store them in the kitchen (I've honestly never thought that should be a problem). I don't really like the idea of telling my kids they can't buy treats with their own money and store them in their own home. It feels wrong. (Probably because I buy myself treats and store them here.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I would be happy they were buying food for themselves. Sounds like they have turned into responsible adults instead of lazy moochers. I'd be happy to make room for some food items. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 ds14 has started doing this now that he is working. Cereals, granola bars etc that I would not normally buy. I would prefer he stored them in the pantry but he is worried about his siblings eating them so he keeps them by his bed. Frankly I don't care, it's no different than buying clothing, comic books, makeup etc with their own money. Food is typically stored in a kitchen so it makes sense to store it there. There is items I occasionally buy for myself that I store in the kitchen but which are not for the kids to eat. Over all so not a hill worth dieing on. I have already worked out with him how much of his cheque to save, tithe and pay for gas, if he wants to spend the rest on cold cereal because I never buy it who cares. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 No problem with them spending their own money on extra food that they want. They need to label it if they don't want to share it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I like what the other posters have shared. We've had several guidelines that come into play: 1) they need to have a spirit of generosity in sharing treats with their siblings. Not that they can't have their own food, but if they aren't willng to share some of what they buy, they need to re-think. This goes for us adults sharing our treats as well. 2) They do need to put things neatly in the pantry, so that it doesn't frustrate the neatnik, if the rest of the pantry is neat. 3) Whatever they buy needs to fit within the family's guidelines for snack consumption and not become a disproportionate part of their diet. (This is the area that has been toughest for us with young adults.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I agree with Valerie and with Jean. I also don't see what the big deal is. They live in this home and reasonably consider it their home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I don't get why it would be a problem. On the contrary: I would insist that food is being stored in the kitchen - I do not care for eating and keeping food in the bedrooms. And what my teens buy with their own money is their own choice, as long as it is legal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I don't see what the big deal is, I guess. It is their own money to spend as they wish, and I would rather the food be kept in the kitchen than their rooms, where it could attract pests. As long as it is in the pantry, no big deal, if they don't want to share, they need to label it with their name so others know not to snag a bite. With our son, though, who is an only child, that isn't such a big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I grew up in a home where this was the norm for the kids to use their spending $$ on snacks or food. It should not be a big deal. If anything, I would make a bigger deal if one of the siblings ate the snack the teen bought with their own $. Get a shelf or plastic cubby to keep it in the pantry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 If it is the child's money why can't they buy food with it? And if they spend their hard earned cash on some food, surely they can eat it themselves if they want. Personally I would want them to store the food in the kitchen or pantry. I don't want to encourage mice in the bedrooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 No policy here. DS13 doesn't buy any food for himself at this point. If he did; however, it would be stored in the kitchen like the rest of the food. I would prefer that food not be in the bedrooms at all so I can't imagine telling him that he had to store his food there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 It wouldn't bother me unless it was something they shouldn't be eating. We've never had his happen, though. I always ask them what they want before I go to the store. Since the kitchen never closes here, I like to have things on hand that they like to eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Well, I don't anticipate it changing in the future, so I'll answer now, even though I currently have no teenagers. DD11 buys treats sometimes with her allowance or money she makes cat sitting for neighbors; I'm not sure why, exactly, since I never say no to her snack whims, lol. I'm getting side tracked, though, so I digress... lol. She *can* keep her food in the kitchen or the cabinets. I will not, however, go out of my way to make sure nobody else eats it. We do not "label" food. If it's in the kitchen, it's for family consumption. If she wants it kept for just her, she should keep it in her bedroom. We have an open kitchen policy (if you're hungry, eat; no need to ask or beg me for food in your own home) - which means I cannot be held responsible when/if the younger boys grab *her* purchased goodies. Nor can they, really, at their ages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 We have no policy and it never occurred to me that there might be a problem with this. My kids have never had a problem knowing a particular food item is for a single person. I'm happy to buy something for someone so there are no hard feelings if one brings home something not intended for the others. We've only got one kitchen and the alternative is to keep food in the bedrooms. That seems kind of silly. I'm sorry your DH has a problem with this. Discord is not fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 In our family we all share. If ds-14 asks to go across the street to the 7-11 and buy some chips, etc., he always picks up a treat for his brother and sister, too. It would not even occur to him to buy something just for himself and bring it home. If he is at the mall with his friends and gets himself a coffee at Starbucks then he doesn't get things for his siblings but that is because the coffee will be gone before he even gets home. But to buy food, store it somewhere in the home, and refuse to share with others? That just wouldn't happen here. It wasn't that way when I was growing up either and I have honestly never heard of that before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 No problem here, although my kids would be more apt to store it in their room if they could. Their siblings couldn't be trusted to leave Nutella alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Is it food only he doesn't want in the house or does it extend to other things your teens may buy? What if they used their own money to buy a pair of jeans? Or a decoration/poster to put up in their room? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I have no problem with my teenager buying snacks and storing them in the kitchen. There are places she can put them where her younger siblings will not be able to get to them. I do tell her that if she's going to sit and eat something very desirable in front of them, she may have to share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I can't imagine really why this would be a problem. If one of my kids had a hankering for something special and bought it with their own money, that just wouldn't be a problem. However, my kids have learned that whatever they buy is not sacred; half of it just might be missing the next time they check. This is especially true if it's organic dark chocolate. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Unless the teen were taunting younger siblings or making a mess, I don't see why it would be an issue. For those who do have a problem with it, do you feel the same about cosmetics, toiletries, and other non-food items that teens may buy for personal use but wouldn't necessarily be stored in their bedroom? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durriyyah Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 In theory it doesn't bother me, but I could see DD1 wasting money on the junkiest junk food in the world, and that would bug me. You're going to spend your hard earned cash on things that do nothing valuable to your body, and may even be a negative impact? Ew. DH buys his own cereal 90% of the time because I won't buy him the junk cereal he wants. I hate that DD2 has figured out that daddy's cereal is super yummy and now she wants to eat it too. I could see that happening with other junk food that gets let into the house. I should say I'm not a purist or anything... but pure junk food is a rarity in our home. I think it's a waste of money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I just wanted to add, labelling something and making it clear it is their's does not mean they never share. For example, cold cereal was on sale last week 3 for $10, so ds14 bought himself 3 boxes of his favorite cereals(I no longer buy cold cereal because it doesn't last and is expensive). So he keeps it with him, but yesterday when dd13 had to get to dance and missed breakfast time, he gave her a bowl of dry cereal to eat in the car. And yesterday when he bought himself a case of granola bars he offered one to each of his siblings. Yes he kept the other 45 for himself, but he is not against sharing, it's just that he doesn't want them taking without asking him first. I was surprised when Valerie said that all items in the home are to be shared even things the adults buy. So you are saying you never ever buy a food or beverage item that is not shared with the kids? For example, at my grocery store they sell these little packs that have 2 slices of cheesecake for a fairly reasonable price. A couple times a year I buy them for me. I eat one slice that day and 1 slice the next day. My kids know not to touch that cheesecake or risk their deaths. Now most of what I bring in that is not for them is things like coffee, creamer, the 1/2 bottle of wine left over last xmas etc. Nothing they would generally want anyway, but we certainly do not have a rule that everything brought in must be shared. It is okay to want a generous spirit in our kids, and it is kind of them share. But I do not force it with things they have bought because I do not think they should necessarily always give it away, or feel guilty about working hard to earn the money to buy something they desire. We don't play the battle of haves vs have nots in my home. If they share it is out of a generous spirit not a rule created. He recognizes he has more money to do this stuff with than the other kids do, so he does not flaunt what he has bought, but if he bought comics, video games, etc I wouldn't expect him to share and hold it against him, why should it be different if it is a food item? It's not like he is eating those things while everyone else starves. I don't know of many teens that purchase their own food products/treats that would ever do that. I know far more teens including my own, that would buy bread and soup to feed the family before they bought treats just for themselves if that was what it was coming down to. But that is not what we are talking about. I think the notion that they can not buy what they choose unless they are willing to share it all, feeds into that feeling people have against the haves. Of they have no right to buy (new car, big tv, trip whatever) with the money they earned working hard simply because it will make the poor person next door feel badly. Give me a break. I don't want my kids ever to grow up with that lesson, and I am the poor person next door lol. I want them to put the connection together, that you work hard, you earn your income and after you cover your expenses and savings you can play with the rest however you like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runbikeswim Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Because this is food,I see why this is an issue. Food brings out deep seated issues in many people. OP's husband doesn't like the idea of kids buying their own food. I don't really think it has anything to with "why would it bother him to share cabinet space". I dont think that has anything to do with it. He feels parents should be buying food, this is apparently deeper than what is sounds like. In his world, parents "provide". Another issue may be nutrition. My kids have asked to buy candy with their own money. My answer is no. I don't allow candy except for special occasions. Lastly, I will say this and this is my opinion only. This is a touchy subject for me. Food is to be shared, i do not allow food to brought into the house that is not allowed to be eaten by all. No one brings food into our home that is only for themselves. I have one son who has a special diet, and even then, I never tell others thay cannot eat his food. I do ask they be respectful by not eating all of it without letting me know so I can restock more. And actually once the novelty wore off, no one eats his food bc it isn't as tasty! So to say this isn't a big deal is to discount the fact that food is indeed a "big deal" to some. It has all kind of control issues tied to it as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I'm with Heather. Everyone here has some special whatever sometimes. But no food out of the kitchen and what's in the kitchen is open for use at any meal. I wonder if its a general eating habit issue for some? The concept of snacks being set aside for certain people is odd here bc we don't do much by way of snacks for anyone. If we are having a treat, then everyone is. So if my teen wanted to store their own food, the main question we would have is what's wrong with what we are providing? If nothing, then it seems like an excuse to eat junk. Not going to be thrilled with that. Otherwise, we are usually willing to accommodate buying more or reworking the menu or whatever. I think if a working teen or young adult wanted more say in the pantry/menu, then instead of having their own shelf, it would be more harmonious if they contributed to the overall grocery budget and or menu planning and food prep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 My 17 year old doesn't do this, but if she wanted to buy food and store it in the kitchen, that would be fine with me. I, however, am a stockpile hoarder of food so lack of food or choices is not ever an issue. (I jest, but not so much...) I will sometimes let me little kids each pick something for a treat (like a can of Stax chips) and put their name on it to cut down on other people eating their treat. (I pay for it.) They store these treats in the kitchen. They know that I will likely sneak a chip or two. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 I think someone nailed it when they said that food brings out big issues and there are several here, but two big ones come up - the content (i.e., dh thinks the kids are eating too many junk foods and foods that offend his sensibilities. For example one kid bought the packaged outmeal that comes in the packets with flavorings, which have way more sugar calories and way, way more packaging than the plain large bag of oatmeal dh has on hand for the family all the time. The second is the sharing issue/money issue. The older boys work so have more spending cash; they can buy more things they like. My dd only has her allowance. However, my dd goes with me to the farmer's market, craft shows, shopping and all sorts of places that inevitably mean she gets treated to something special about 10 times for every time one of the teenage boys comes along and gets a treat. I think it all evens out. However, really at the bottom of it, it's about attitude and I forget that in between these weird battles. As I was saying to dh last night; I get so confused when we start having an argument about whether or not the fifteen year old can buy bagels. I mean, why the heck wouldn't he be able to buy bagels? Of course, that's not the real issue. The real issue is that the teen was sullen when he did his chores and ignored something dh told him to do. Now he's "buying his own food" and thinks he can eat it whenever he wants - and storing it front and center on the kitchen counter, etc. Somehow, I'm never privy to the whole sequence of events - I just come in when dh is yelling about the bagels and my reaction is (reasonably) what the heck? I get upset with dh for being unreasonable and then we get into a spat, and then later on I realize the whole story - and realize it wasn't about the bagels at all. It's the stupidest dynamic ever. I don't like this part of parenting. I have one kid who just moved out, one who will move out in the next two to three months and another one who's rapidly approaching that age. The mood swings, the angst, the shooting themselves (figuratively) in the foot over and over again, the rebellions, did I say mood swings?, are exhausting and not fun. It was such a relief to have the oldest move out, and will be another relief when the next one goes. There comes a point when the teen is too big for the house..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Due to sibling's food allergies, Diamond often buys foods for herself that they can't eat. Due to preferences, each one of us has/buys food the others can't/won;t eat. Each girl has a plastic storage box in the kitchen cabinet for their very own foods. Some of it they buy themselves, some of it is family groceries, some of it is treats given at parties/church/etc. Any food that has to be frozen/refrigerated has to be labeled. it's never been a big deal here. I could never imagine nit-picking what my older kids eat (assuming no life/health threatening conditions related to food choice) especially when they buy it themselves. Although I DO wish I had a house so clean and organized that an extra bagel would throw off my groove. (That is NOT intended to sound snarky- I really wish I was so tidy.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 If a teen wants to buy something of their own, that's fine with me. I insist all food be stored in the kitchen and consumed in the kitchen or dining room. An occasional snack while watching tv in the family room is fine. I would be very upset if my child stored food in his room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 ...There comes a point when the teen is too big for the house..... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I wouldn't mind it, except I suspect mine would buy a lot of junk food that I would really be tempted to eat. :drool: I do not keep sugary snacks in the house because I have a terrible sweet tooth. If I was to open the pantry door and see a big box of cookies or a box of Pop Tarts every time I went to make a cup of tea, I'd have to fight temptation all the time. Then I might give in and have to go to the store and replace them. Please tell me I'm not the only one. Anyway, whenever my kids have sweets from Halloween or Christmas or whatever, I have them keep them in their rooms. Out of sight, out of mind, for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 The only food that we ever had that was "ours" was leftovers. We were allowed to buy whatever we wanted when we were out, but I don't think I ever even thought of buying food items to keep at home. My mother never would have allowed it because it was her house and kitchen. Even as an adult when I moved back in with them, she would ask me for any items I wanted and she would buy them. I am sure it was a control thing for her. My children are too little for this to be an issue, but I think when they are older I will allow them to buy some things to keep at home as long as they fit in the guideline of our diet (i.e. no loaves of crusty bread spread all over the place when half of us are Coeliac...that is just inconsiderate because I am so sensitive the crumbs can make me sick). The only thing we have now that is not communal is chocolate because DH is the only on who can eat it as the rest of us are allergic. I will occassionally try to sneak something but they always catch me and I end up sharing so there is really no point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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