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My mom passed away on Saturday

lea1
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lea1

lea1

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She called me Thursday morning to tell me she had fallen and hit her head. I live about 1.5 hours away from her. She wanted me to call my brother, who lives in her house but was dog sitting for a friend, and ask him to come home asap. I didn't realize she was still in the floor when she called.

 

My brother was only about 15 minutes away so he hurried on home and was able to help her get up and get into her chair. Her head was hurting but she did not want to go to the ER because they had been rough with her the last time she had to go in and have an XRay. My brother needed to go back to his dog sitting so he called me and let me know he did not feel comfortable leaving her alone. We were homeschooling so I gathered our things and my two sons and I took off toward her house.

 

When we arrived, she was in considerable pain. Her head was hurting so badly that she couldn't sit still. We called an ambulance and they took her to a local hospital. The last time we heard her speak and saw her awake was when the EMT's were putting her on the stretcher.

 

When we arrived at the hospital, she was already in a coma. They took her for a cat scan of her head and said she had two bleeds in her brain. She was taking a blood thinner so this was really bad. They lifeflighted her to Tulsa on a helicopter and she was being taken into surgery when we arrived.

 

On Saturday we made the decision to take her off of the ventilator because the cat scans were showing that a large portion of her brain had been deprived of blood long enough to kill the cells. It was as if she had had a massive stroke and we knew, even if she could survive, she would never be the same and she would hate that. She lived for another 2 to 3 hours. She died with her children around her, holding her and loving her.

 

Her funeral was yesterday. It is so hard to believe she is gone. If you could keep my family in your prayers, we would greatly appreciate it. This has been especially hard for my sister and brother, who saw her everyday and did so much for her, and also for me as we were all very close to her. I have two other older brothers also (I am the youngest and my sister and brother who saw her every day are twins, 14 months older than me).

 

It was just so sudden and we were not prepared. This may sound kind of funny but it seems hard to figure out how to return to 'normal' everyday life. The twins and I all feel really lost without her. I know it will get easier but, man, this is so hard.

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fiddle

fiddle

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Lea,

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. It must have been a shock to lose her so suddenly. My father-in-law passed away on Father's Day, and though he had been ill those last couple months were particularly tough and so was his passing away. He was just 72 and like your family, ours lived close and we saw him all the time.

 

Grief is a process. For some time, we just chilled and my kids would cry randomly on different days. For "school" we borrowed some of those history DVDs and just went really light and easy. Lots of talking about good times and remembering, and my husband did not hide his feelings around the kids. They saw their dad cry. And we let them know it was ok, and that it will take much time and it's ok to be sad.

 

Take the time when you need it and try not to be too hard on yourself to resume "normal" activities. Prioritize and let the rest fall by the wayside for awhile.

 

:grouphug:

 

Paula

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PrairieSong

PrairieSong

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Lea, I'm so very sorry. :grouphug: I lost my mom a few years ago and yes, it's very, very hard. Your life won't ever be back to the same "normal", but you will find a new normal. Give yourself and your family lots of time, remember the good memories, and maybe think about doing something special to honor your mother, such as making a photo album, planting a rose bush or tree, or donating to a favorite charity in her name.

 

I will pray for you and your family!

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mom4him

mom4him

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:grouphug: I am so sorry. I remember well when my mom passed away. It was a very difficult time but there was a peace there also. She truly was ready to leave this world. I remember for months after she was gone I would see something or hear something that I knew she would enjoy and I would think, "Oh, I need to go call mom and tell her about......". Then the reality would hit. I would never again on this earth be able to do that.

 

It did get easier. 25+ yrs later I still miss her though at times.

 

Praying for you.

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lea1

lea1

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Thank you all so very much for your thoughtful replies and your sympathy and empathy. It is greatly appreciated and it does so help to be able to share and know that people are praying.

 

My mom was such a caring and thoughtful person and there were a ton of people who came to the visitation and funeral. There are so many who loved her and will miss her.

 

Thanks again for your replies. It really is healing to the heart. Going through this has given me a whole new understanding of how to respond when someone is going through the loss of a loved one.

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lea1

lea1

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a mom is so hard - I've lost both my mom and my mom-in-love. How old was you mom? Can you tell us about her personality and what she enjoyed? Blessings to you and yours during this difficult time of adjustment without your mom.

 

My mom was 75 years old but she had fought breast cancer a number of years back and the chemo had really aged her considerable. This is kind of long but, for those who might be interested, the pastor read it at her funeral:

 

Our dear mother was raised in Vinita and she had one sister. There was a large age gap between her and her sister and, from the sounds of it, she may have been a little bit spoiled. I guess that is why she loved to spoil others. When she was young, she enjoyed riding the train from Vinita to Terrell Texas to visit her aunts. They loved to spoil her too. They wanted her parents to name her Jerri. Her parents named her Mozella after her grandmother so her aunts just called her Jerri anyway. So, all her life, she was known as Jerri when she went to Terrell. The other day, I called an old friend in Terrell to let her know mom had passed away and I heard her tell her husband in the background that Jerri had passed away.

 

Mom never cared for the name Mozella very much, although she did like her middle name, Marie and sometimes she would go by that name. Towards the end of her life, she would say she wished her name was Rosella. She was so funny. She would even write Rosella on various notes or when journaling sometimes.

 

She loved Jesus and she made sure we were brought up going to church. We have found countless notebooks and pieces of paper where she wrote and rewrote scriptures that were most meaningful to her and also prayers. She did a great job of ensuring her children were raised with good morals and values. She had quite a busy job when we five kids were all little. When the youngest was born, she also had 14 month old twins, a four year old and a six year old. I’m sure we kept her pretty busy.

 

She enjoyed telling us about the time when the twins were little and she had just returned from grocery shopping. She was putting away the groceries when the phone rang. While she was on the phone, the twins were trying to help and they dropped a carton of eggs on the floor. When she came back to the kitchen, one of them was on the floor with a sponge, wiping around and around, smearing the eggs all over the place. The other one was scooping up egg shells and taking them to the sink, dripping egg over the floor on the way. She had quite the mess to clean up that day.

 

She was a very hard worker and, for many years, she worked nine hour days, six days a week as a cashier at Don’s Grocery. I know she was often tired but I don’t remember hearing her complain about the number of hours she had to work to support her family. She taught us to be hard workers also and, when we were old enough, she expected us to keep the house cleaned up and the laundry done and, eventually, to also have a job after school and during the summers when we could.

 

Mom wanted us to go to college. When she was younger, she finished high school but did not go to college and she always regretted it. I could not count how many times she told us that her mother tried to tell her to go to college and she sure wished that she had listened. She so badly wanted us to go. When Kathy was in nursing school and met her future husband, she wanted to quit school. One evening Mom got on her knees next to Kathy’s bed and begged her to stay in school because she had always wished she had gone to college and she thought it was so important. For those of you who don’t know, Kathy is one of the best nurses anyone could ever have.

 

Mom loved people and was the most thoughtful and generous person I have ever known. She loved giving cards and gifts to others and greatly appreciated receiving them. Her love language was most certainly gifts and thoughtful acts, as that was definitely how she showed her love to others. I believe she kept every card she ever received and, in her later years, she really enjoyed going through them, re-reading them, framing some of them and telling us all about them, and with such excitement, as if she was seeing them for the first time.

 

She greatly appreciated the beauty around her. She could not throw anything away if it had any beauty about it at all. And to her, beautiful things did not have to be expensive. She would even keep an empty box or an old calendar if it had a pretty picture on it. She always had a special attachment for roses and angels and anything with roses or angels on it. She was fascinated with angels and read about them and collected them for many years.

 

The Lord took her home so suddenly that it is very hard for us who remain and miss her so. However, in doing so He also answered many prayers. She said many times that she wished she could go in her sleep. She did not want to end up in a nursing home and she would have hated to go through extensive rehabilitation. The good Lord knew all of that and He answered her prayers. She was already very sleepy when the ambulance came and she was no longer feeling pain. By the time the ambulance arrived in Grove, she was asleep and did not wake again.

 

The entire time she was in a coma, she had a peaceful expression on her face. But there was an instant, just before she passed away, when a smile flickered across her face. I’m sure she was either seeing Jesus, angels or someone she knew or maybe she was just hearing the angels sing.

 

We are thankful that she went very peacefully with her children around her, holding her and loving her. She was well loved by many and she loved many very well. What a special person she was. We will miss her beyond words but we will rejoice for her because we know where she went and that she is now happy, healthy and singing with the angels and we know we will one day see her again.

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maddykate

maddykate

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I am so sorry. I lost my mother in 2005 and honestly, it doesn't get any easier. There are still moments that I pick up the phone to call her and then I remember that I can't and it is like losing her all over again for a minute. I am so very sorry for what you are going through.

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speedmom4

speedmom4

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:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. Your story is eerily similar to my father's. He passed away April 29, 2012. He was also on blood thinners. He fell in the middle of the night and my mother didn't know that he had hit his head. By the next morning he had a terrible headache and was vomiting. My mom just thought he had a stomach virus. By that afternoon he wasn't able to speak and my mother realized he was in big trouble. The ambulance arrived and took him to a local hospital. They then sent him to a bigger hospital. He had a massive brain bleed and we had to make the decision to provide comfort rather than treatment. It was such an awful experience. I understand the shock and sadness you are feeling.

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

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QuirkyKapers

QuirkyKapers

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Lea,

:grouphug::grouphug: This is so hard. Give yourself time to grieve. Some days will be better than others. Don't put expectations on your school year, since some days grief will just sneak up on you. My mom, even though her health was declining, unexpected went into the hospital and never came home again. It was hard when she went into a coma. I kept hoping that some miracle would happen and she would wake up so I could just tell her once more that I loved her. :grouphug::grouphug: Peace to you as you start a new journey without someone you love physically by your side.

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newlifemom

newlifemom

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I'm so sorry Lea. I am seeing my mom tomorrow. Going to make sure I appreciate all of those idiosyncrancies.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't know about normal, but allow yourself and your children to grieve. It is important.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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