Poll: Would you take one kid to a movie and leave the others at home?

[PeacefulChaos]

Thanks everyone! (Any further answers are still appreciated, of course :) ) What most seem to think aligns with my personal feelings on it and how I'd always planned on raising the kids. Even though DH's experiences and mine were vastly different, he doesn't have a problem with doing things this way - didn't want anyone to get that idea - he just is as unfamiliar with it as I am (as an only child, EVERY experience that my kids have regarding each other is unfamiliar to me. :D :lol: ) and he's never expected that we would raise our kids exactly the way he was raised, either. :D

 

Original Message:

I know some people do it differently. We haven't so far, but we saw a movie this summer that I think Link (8.5) might like. When I brought up taking him but leaving Astro (6.5) at home, DH was like, 'Are you sure we want to go there?' as in taking one and leaving the other.

So I'm just curious. I'm not going to go into what movie it was because a) I'm not 100% sure we would take him anyway, we haven't discussed it enough to determine if he'd be ok with it, though I think he would and b) everyone's movie tastes vary, and I don't want it to turn into something about age and movies. :)

Thanks!

 

ETA: I forgot to add that we would probably be going to the dollar theater. :tongue_smilie: DH and I have already seen the movie, and I'm not keen on the idea of paying that much for a ticket more than once. :D

I think the biggest issue would be that Astro would probably like the movie, too - but he wouldn't handle it as well. We all like going to the movies, but this is the first one that would be potentially 'out of range' age-wise (well, more like sensitivity wise) for Astro.

Edited August 6, 2012 by PeacefulChaos

[Plucky]

Yep, I have and do.

[Joker]

My mom took us out one at a time for movies. They were great memories. I have taken one to the movies, but at the same time dh is doing something with the other. I think as long as you reciprocate there should be no problem.

[AnaShoo]

I see nothing wrong with only taking one kid to the movies, especially if the other one probably wouldn't like it so much. If you are worried about it being an issue, sell it as a special momma/son time, and plan a second outing with your younger son, too. We do this sort of thing with our kids all the time.

[Momma2Luke]

Spending quality one-on-one time with each child is a good thing, no??

 

I would only see a problem if you NEVER gave the other children a chance to go a movie alone with you....

[snickelfritz]

My kids are at a similar age spread. I voted yes, but we would generally give the other child a turn at doing something different and fun by themselves. Either by splitting up for the night, one child per parent, or on another night.

[Chris in VA]

Absolutely! I did today! :D

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

We do this all the time. Ds1 likes movies, ds2 doesn't. Ds2 likes the zoo, ds1 doesn't. So, we do those activities individually.

[catz]

We do it all the time, although my kids are almost 4 years apart.

[littlebug42]

I seem to be the only one that would not. I have daughters two years apart. Movies are such rare treats for us, I cannot justify taking one and not the other. I did this once and it did not go over well. The kids get their one on one time at other times.

[mom4him]

I am voting other. I think it is fine but I also think you need to be sure to do something special with the other one in near future?:D

[Plucky]

The more important question is does dad take the age appropriate kids to action adventure/super hero movies that make mom's eyeballs bleed? Please, please, leave me home for those. I've seen enough superhero/vampire flicks to last me a lifetime.

[PeacefulChaos]

The more important question is does dad take the age appropriate kids to action adventure/super hero movies that make mom's eyeballs bleed? Please, please, leave me home for those. I've seen enough superhero/vampire flicks to last me a lifetime.

 

:lol: I LOVE superhero movies.

I actually really, really hate chick flicks. I don't know when I saw one last. But we hit every superhero movie that comes out - especially the Marvel ones. Thor 2 is scheduled to come out on my 31st birthday. :D

[jelbe5]

I took only my oldest to see "The King's Speech" when it came out. Usually we all go to a family friendly movie together, but I knew there would be language in that movie, plus I did not think my son or younger dd would appreciate it.

[Plucky]

:lol: I LOVE superhero movies.

I actually really, really hate chick flicks. I don't know when I saw one last. But we hit every superhero movie that comes out - especially the Marvel ones. Thor 2 is scheduled to come out on my 31st birthday. :D

 

I'm not into chick flicks, but I am picky about movies. The last movie I saw in the theater was The Help. I am such a foreign film/documentary girl and I watch it by myself at home because no one else is interested and that is okay. :001_smile:

[Miss Peregrine]

Considering the $100 price tag for all of us to go, I have no problem saving movies for one-on-one time

[Kathryn]

No problem with that as long as the other child gets to do special things without siblings sometimes too.

[Emilylou]

I think it probably seems stranger to families with same sex siblings...

I have one of each, 19 months apart... this summer my DS and I went to see Madagascar 3, then DD and I went a few weeks later to see Brave.

 

A special one on one treat with mom, and we will watch both of these again as a family once they come out on DVD.

 

I could see it being harder with 2 girls, or 2 boys close in age to get away with this.

[Unicorn.]

Don't want to go where? Life isn't fair. Sometimes kid a gets to do something, and sometimes kid b gets to do something. If everything were always to be equal, then kid a would have to have the same friends as kid b, and if kid b likes pizza, and kid a hates it, then either kid b goes without, or kid a is forced to eat it, kwim? Besides, kids need one on one time w/ parents. It's healthy!

[Barb_]

Don't want to go where? Life isn't fair. Sometimes kid a gets to do something, and sometimes kid b gets to do something. If everything were always to be equal, then kid a would have to have the same friends as kid b, and if kid b likes pizza, and kid a hates it, then either kid b goes without, or kid a is forced to eat it, kwim? Besides, kids need one on one time w/ parents. It's healthy!

 

Yeah, I don't know that fairness actually = equity. I remember this lesson from "Siblings Without Rivalry" back when my oldest two were little. Children don't want to be treated as equals; they would prefer to be treated as individuals. Probably the most valuable lesson I've taken home from a parenting book...made more so as we continued to have children!

[regentrude]

My kids have different ages, different tastes, different interests- so yes, I might go see a movie with one but not the other.

[acablue]

Absolutely. We do things like that all the time, but it seems to even out.

[BigMamaBird]

We try to do special one on one dates, so yes, I would take one and leave the others. Also, there are some movies that one would like and the others wouldn't.

[Word Nerd]

Yes. Just yesterday, in fact.

[SkateLeft]

Yup. We do it pretty regularly.

 

I really think it's best to do things separately with the kids sometimes, so they don't always feel entitled to do things that their siblings are doing.

[SJ.]

I vote yes, add in lunch and it can be a special date with you and your son or with your dh and your son. The other parent can do something special with the other child. Next month switch.

[PeacefulChaos]

Don't want to go where? Life isn't fair. Sometimes kid a gets to do something, and sometimes kid b gets to do something. If everything were always to be equal, then kid a would have to have the same friends as kid b, and if kid b likes pizza, and kid a hates it, then either kid b goes without, or kid a is forced to eat it, kwim? Besides, kids need one on one time w/ parents. It's healthy!

 

Well, I don't have siblings and DH is one of four boys - he said his older brothers never really got to do stuff before him. (Note: he is the 3rd of 4, so to him it doesn't seem like a big deal - however, I'm not sure that was the case for the older brothers! ;) ) So that's where he's coming from.

I also don't think it would be an issue if it was something Astro wasn't into. But it is...

I personally think it would be fine. I just wasn't sure if my thinking was the norm or if it was because I'm an only (raised by grandparents no less! :D ) and I don't have a 'sibling' perspective of jealousy and stuff.

[reign]

Totally.

[Dory]

My kids each get turns going out with me. We have gone to movies before. I have also taken just one kid miniature golfing, swimming, laser tag, and numerous other things, although obviously not all at once:tongue_smilie:. My kids LOVE it. It means that they don't just do something that everyone can agree on, they actually do things that are unique to who they are. It makes them feel special that I want to spend some time with just them.

 

When money is tight, sometimes their time with me will just be a picnic lunch at the park with some ice cream afterwards. It still is special and they look forward to it. Because it's something that they all get, there are no jealousy problems over it either.

[LibraryLover]

Not unless there was a large age gap, or had one who couldn't deal with the stimulation. I have always tried to be fair about this sort of thing. If we did one-on-one, we tried to make sure the children all got a chance at one-on-one.

 

I've always wanted my kids to be a *team*.

Edited August 6, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Seasider]

Absolutely! Mostly because the movie may not be appropriate for all the kids. Sometimes, because a certain child and I might need some one-on-one time. Sometimes there's not an all-around interest.

[TechWife]

I voted other. I have one child, so sibling issues aren't a problem here. But yes, I would absolutely take one child and leave the rest at home. I am one of 5 kids & it's just a fact of life that kids don't get to do everything their olders get to do.

[Night Elf]

Yes, take one to the movies without the other. Then take the younger one to do something special. If you only allow the older one to do special things, it is favoritism, and that can breed resentment.

[KungFuPanda]

Yes! In fact, I think it's annoying when people treat their kids like a unit.

[chepyl]

I think it is good to take one kids at a time out for a special activity. I have taken ds out for ice cream and dd has had special shopping trips. They need that one on one time, even in a movie.

[2squared]

Absolutely! My kids are all 2 years apart, and we often mix & match based on interests, ages, behavior, etc.

 

Some of my kids' friends have families who try to even everything out. That seems like a lot of work, and their kids now have expectations of receiving the same things their sibs get. That may very well be OK for them, but that's not the behavior we want to foster nor the activity level we can afford to accomodate.

[Tasia]

Yes. In the last few weeks, I've taken my ds 8 and ds 9 to a movie together, Dh took ds 13 to one and ds 11 went to two with friends. As your kids get a little older, this will come up more and won't seem like as big of a deal.

[Pretty in Pink]

Happens all of the time around here.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Sure. I took the oldest to see Hunger Games. The others are not old enough. Recently we decided to allow the second oldest to see it also. DH took her. We generally take a child or two alone all of the time. Dh may take a one of the girls out for a coke and chat or take the boys to pick up breakfast and let them get an ice cream cone while they are out. Yes, for breakfast. I might take a child clothes shopping. We also go as a family to things. The children are all really secure with it and know that if it is not their turn it will be soon. I agree with pp. Life is not fair. I do believe in making sure it is fairly even. Not child 1 got a coke now child 2 has to, but each child gets a fairly even time. Sometimes one child will need an extra clothing item or just needs to spend some time out with a parent to chat. That child doesn't have to wait until their turn. I think it is a healthy part of growing up.

 

Um, wow, I didn't know I felt so strongly about it all.:rant::leaving:

[NancyNellen]

Absolutely. Sometimes for special time with a child or two and sometimes because the content is not appropriate for the younger set. It has never been a problem here.

[KungFuPanda]

Well, I don't have siblings and DH is one of four boys - he said his older brothers never really got to do stuff before him. (Note: he is the 3rd of 4, so to him it doesn't seem like a big deal - however, I'm not sure that was the case for the older brothers! ;) ) So that's where he's coming from.

I also don't think it would be an issue if it was something Astro wasn't into. But it is...

I personally think it would be fine. I just wasn't sure if my thinking was the norm or if it was because I'm an only (raised by grandparents no less! :D ) and I don't have a 'sibling' perspective of jealousy and stuff.

 

 

As an oldest child, I have to defend your son. As one of the babies, your DH doesn't have a clue. :D. If you've EVER expected more from your oldest because he is older and more capable, you should also reward him for it. If an oldest child is given more responsibility because of his age, he should also be given the occasional privilege for the same reason or he may resent it. Now, if your family has an All Things Equal policy that extents to chores and behavior, then your DH might have a leg to stand on.

[OrganicAnn]

When you only have one child, there aren't these dilemmas. But if we had more than one and there was a special treat that one was supposed to get or the other had to be home for a special punishment, then I *think* we would. But since we only have one, I can't know for sure what we would do.

 

Also I think it depends on how close in age they are. If there is a 5+ year age gap it might be difficult for find movies that interest both/all of the kids.

[Dandelion]

Yes, we do this. However, it's always been just one of us taking DS to the movies while DD stays with the other parent (so it's never been both parents taking DS to the movies while DD stays with a sitter).

[TheReader]

We've done it, especially now that my oldest is about to turn 15 and the next is 11 but more sensitive. With the youngest being only 7, there are a LOT Of movies that are okay for the older 2 even but not for the youngest. More than once I've sent DH & the big boys off to a movie and stayed home with the youngest; I would rather do that than pay for my ticket and youngest's ticket and have to leave the theater often once youngest is bored or the movie becomes too much for him.

 

If it is something that won't bother him, and I really want to see it too, we will take along a handheld video game for youngest, volume all the way off, and a blanket for him to hide under so that he can play video games w/o the light being seen by other movie goers. If we had anyone at all to use as a local babysitter, we would do that, but we don't.

[Violet Crown]

Did it just yesterday: I took Middle Girl to see a revival of The Dark Crystal. The girls are spaced very far apart, and it would have been way too scary for Wee Girl, while Great Girl would rather have poked her eye with a sharp stick than watched. There's almost no overlap at all in movies suitable for them.

[Gentlemommy]

We have three girls, and while they do most things all together, dh and I make it a point to take each of the older two (toddler doesn't care yet!) on 'dates'. It can be something simple like going for ice team, or something bigger, like a trip to the bounce house place. Sometimes my dh takes one of them to get her nails done lol. It's important I think to have that one on one, especially since we HS and are together all.day.long. ;)

[Starr]

Mine are close in age so we always went to the movies together until they were old enough to go with friends.

[Tutor]

Every 6m or so, dh and I take our kids on "dates" (he takes the girls and I take the boys). The child going out gets to pick the destination/ activity and our kids often opt to go to the movies. We've done this for the last 5 years, and it hasn't ever been an issue.

[LucyStoner]

My sons are almost 6 years apart. I see no need to take them to all the same movies. None at all. Some overlap but things like Diary of a Wimpy Kid? No. My youngest has plenty of fun when the older one does something by himself with his parents. We also take the younger to plenty of stuff without his older brother.

[lynn]

My boys don't want to see Hannah Montana or Brave and Batman is to violent for baby girl. Yes, I have taken younger kids to G/PG movies while the other to PG13 movies. I have brought my oldest son with me to see some movies that my dh was not interested in seeing and I have even gone to movies by myself and with friends.