linguistmama Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 For us it is a decision made between the couple and God. I think there are many valid reasons not to have children, each family is different. I have known for several years that there are 3 children for our family. #3 will be born next month. :) In our case I have had HG 3 times and I am the statistic in the studies showing that it gets worse for some women with each pregnancy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Seems we are a minority so far in this thread Chucki, but I agree with you. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Which is not to say that using NFP or abstinence, there couldn't be valid reasons for choosing not to procreate. Yup. But the OP specifically listed ABCs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheHomeScientist Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Any reason. I consider it completely a couple's choice how many children they wish to bring into this world, and at what point in time.I can not imagine an "invalid" reason for not wanting any, or more, kids. Concur. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 For us it is a decision made between the couple and God. I think there are many valid reasons not to have children, each family is different. I have known for several years that there are 3 children for our family. #3 will be born next month. :) In our case I have had HG 3 times and I am the statistic in the studies showing that it gets worse for some women with each pregnancy. HG for me too. I've had five miscarriages, 2 HG pregnancies with the last being much more severe than first, 2 kids from adoption, 2 kids with ADHD, one of them being moderately special needs, and a husband that works way too many hours. Add in autoimmune disease, blood clotting disorder, fatigue, and ill extended family members, and it'd really be a poor choice for us to have more. We've been immensely blessed with four children. My heart aches for more, but at some point you (I) need to sit back and realize what all I do have and be thankful for it. I admire those that are QF but what I don't like is the finger pointing and judgement that often goes along with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I think the method of ceasing reproduction will vary for each couple & I'm not a fan of most but I think there are any number of valid reasons for not having more children. 4 is my limit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I'm almost 40 and the delivery not only had me almost bleed to death but has me facing surgery to repair the damage done. The last pregnancy was too tiring. I need to commit more to homeschooling with a daughter approaching high school and a son nearing junior high. My husband doesn't want to have to worry about me like he had to two months ago. I don't want to take any risk of depriving my kids of their mom. Lots of reasons. I'm hugely thankful that we have Lauchie and I'm head over heels in love with him but he came at a cost I'm not willing to pay again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I should have asked what reasons would make you not reproduce even if you had desire to do so. Obviously simply not wanting children is reason enough to not reproduce, and I personally do not consider it selfish at all to decide not to reproduce as long as your partner is in agreement with you. We had intended to have a larger family but originally stopped because of the demands of a special needs child. This is pretty much my reason. We have 3. I thought we'd have at least 4 at one point. The youngest has down syndrome. At the time the youngest was born we were just starting various therapies to deal with oldest's "hidden" disabilities. We've probably been more financially and emotionally consumed with oldest than youngest. All the therapies and adjustments for special needs between those two have drained us. And there's a child in the middle who deserves attention too. So, we had no more children because we were at capacity for what we could handle physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Any child would be loved, but we are spread so thin still that it seems like a disservice to bring another child to this family, both to the child and the children already here. My dc should not have a parent in worse shape than I've already displayed in during some of our dark times. It's very difficult to be the parent I want to be when I've been worn out from doctor's appointment daily (I've had years where all 3 kids had multiple specialists for multiple conditions). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aquinas Academy Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I do not believe there is a valid reason to use artificial birth control. Which is not to say that using NFP or abstinence, there couldn't be valid reasons for choosing not to procreate. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Obviously opinions will differ from couple to couple, but what do you personally consider valid reasons for postponing or ceasing having babies? My answer is very simple. I think any reason is valid if it's what the couple wants. I don't think you need a reason other than "we don't want more kids." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I do not believe there is a valid reason to use artificial birth control. I can't think of a single reason that isn't valid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We originally started out wanting 3-4 kids. But our savings & checking account just couldn't handle it. We adopted 2, and now live paycheck to paycheck. There will be no more kids for us. Did I want more? Oh yeah. But seriously, I have reached a point where the thought of another child makes me cringe. I barely have enough energy to keep up with the 2 I have right now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I believe that any reason is absolutely valid. If you want as many kids as possible, great. But anyone who fills "done" shouldn't feel guilty about using some sort of birth control, even if it's just abstaining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I think it's a very personal decision best left between a couple and God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 When either person in a couple decides they don't want to have children, or the couple decides they are financially unable to support more children. I mean, really, are there any invalid reasons to cease having kids? If someone has a reason for not wanting more, that should be it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) If either part of the couple doesn't want any more that is a valid reason. My husband is done so we are done even though I would love to have more when things settle down and I can get sad about it. Having a child he doesn't want will cause resentment and he will not be in it and he does some of the parenting too. There are many reasons to have or not have children and whatever a couple decides is valid. Reasons to not have another for some families would include emotional rerserves tapped out, environmental reasons, finances, space, time, attention, jobs, health, genetic conditions, rough pregnancies, not liking the baby stage, current children needing a lot of care due to special needs etc Some people can be against artificial birth control for themselves but if we were to prevent others from using it the abortion rate would skyrocket like it did in Eastern Europe when it was hard to access. Edited December 30, 2011 by MistyMountain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Ultimately between the couple and God. For us, my dh is DONE. He's 45 yrs old and our youngest is almost 7 months, he truly feels done (me...not so much). If he's done, I'm done. He's the one that has to go support us (doing a pretty physical job for his age) and I would *hate* for him to resent any of us. In fact, he's going in to get a vasectomy soon. We just need to call and set up an appt to have it done. Am I sad? You bet, but it's his body, not mine. He knows my feelings and certainly understand where he's coming from. I mean, he'll be 62 when our youngest graduates and he's not in the best of health to start with. That's what I get for marrying someone that's 11 years my elder ;). Thanks for listening to me whine... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 This is truly out of ignorance, and not in any way snarky :) I'm sincerely curious.... Other than, "Go forth and multiply," what scriptures are usually referenced about this sort of thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 This is truly out of ignorance, and not in any way snarky :) I'm sincerely curious.... Other than, "Go forth and multiply," what scriptures are usually referenced about this sort of thing? I don't think it is a great idea to turn this into something religious. The mods are not happy with religious threads at present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 For us, my dh is DONE. He's 45 yrs old and our youngest is almost 7 months, he truly feels done (me...not so much). If he's done, I'm done. He's the one that has to go support us (doing a pretty physical job for his age) and I would *hate* for him to resent any of us. In fact, he's going in to get a vasectomy soon. We just need to call and set up an appt to have it done. Am I sad? You bet, but it's his body, not mine. He knows my feelings and certainly understand where he's coming from. I mean, he'll be 62 when our youngest graduates and he's not in the best of health to start with. That's what I get for marrying someone that's 11 years my elder ;). Thanks for listening to me whine... My dh is also older than me and very much done too. Sorry you are going through it too but it good to know I am not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) Any reason, whether that reason means you don't want any more kids or whether that reason means you would like to have another child, but your circumstances lead you to decide that it's better not to do so. ETA: I could see many reasons, including a special needs child or any child that requires an above average investment of time and finances for various reasons, a lifestyle change--caring for an elderly/sick parent, job change, cross-country or international move, etc. or, and this is a big one, marital issues. NFP doesn't work for everyone (and I don't just mean biologically). Edited December 30, 2011 by LeslieAnneLevine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I worded my original post poorly. I should have asked what reasons would make you not reproduce even if you had desire to do so. Obviously simply not wanting children is reason enough to not reproduce, and I personally do not consider it selfish at all to decide not to reproduce as long as your partner is in agreement with you. We had intended to have a larger family but originally stopped because of the demands of a special needs child. Ultimately we served kids in ways other than bearing them ourselves. Other reasons that I would stop in spite of wanting another: financial constraints that I could not reasonably foresee overcoming in near future; inability to adequately provide food clothing and shelter for existing children; time limitations; physical or mental health issues in either partner that would impede properly caring for child; knowledge of a high likelihood of passing along a significant genetic defect or disease; living in an area where war and/or genocide were occurring; living in an already unhappy unsatisfying marriage. I have Lupus, I don't want to risk my health getting worse from another pregnancy (for my sake and also for my already existing kids). My main motivation for not getting pregnant is that I owe it to the girls to stay as healthy as possible. I desperately wish we had more children. We use no BC. Hmmm... BIG SIGH... I'm almost 40, and secretly hoping for an oops baby. I am tired all the time and my health is so-so. We just watched the Ramona movie, and I kept thinking "Aaahhh, they had another baby!!!" :nopity: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) This is truly out of ignorance, and not in any way snarky :) I'm sincerely curious.... Other than, "Go forth and multiply," what scriptures are usually referenced about this sort of thing? I get what you are saying and I get why people believe that you should use no BC whatsoever. I think it is a very narrow thinking but I get it. :001_smile: IMO, I believe God gave us a brain to use. After my OB looked at my uterus during my last c-section he said he thinks my uterus could stand one more possibly two. He was also concerned about all my scarring and adhesions and how it is very very difficult for him to get to the baby once he's in there. IN fact, he had to bring in his partner to help. It was the longest c-section I have ever had, and the most painful. Although every one of my children are worth it, I am starting to see my limit. I believe God gave my Dr. the brains to know about my body and to advise me accordingly. I believe that after much prayer and talk with dh and dh praying about it that this may be it. I feel a prompting of the spirit. I believe that if a couple goes forth and multiplies that could be 1 or 20+. They did it, they obeyed. If a couple can't have babies, do we judge them? No. They are dealing with the hand given them. I think this is a very personal topic and I am loathe to judge others on it. Dh and I have gone from feeling that for us no BC at all is best to seeing, ya know, if I want to be around for my kids, it is in our familys best interest for me to give my scarred up uterus a rest. :001_smile: Edited December 30, 2011 by Momto4kids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomandlorih Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Any reasons or no reason at all is valid! My BIL and SIL are choosing not to have kids and my dh and I almost chose the same(glad we didn't now.. and my in-laws are very glad as we have their only grandkids:D).. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 When either person in a couple decides they don't want to have children, or the couple decides they are financially unable to support more children. I mean, really, are there any invalid reasons to cease having kids? If someone has a reason for not wanting more, that should be it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We deeply believe that each couple should do what is best for them, for their marriage, for their family. And we hope, that if that family is Christian, that decision process would include prayer. But honestly, it isn't for us (dh and/or me) to know or judge or decide. :) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I have Lupus, I don't want to risk my health getting worse from another pregnancy (for my sake and also for my already existing kids). My main motivation for not getting pregnant is that I owe it to the girls to stay as healthy as possible. I desperately wish we had more children. We use no BC. Hmmm... BIG SIGH... I'm almost 40, and secretly hoping for an oops baby. I am tired all the time and my health is so-so. We just watched the Ramona movie, and I kept thinking "Aaahhh, they had another baby!!!" :nopity: I know, gosh I feel the same way! I wish, wish, WISH we could have another. Financial reasons are huge for us, but I also had complete placenta previa with Sylvia and required a month on hospital bedrest. I can't see doing that with 2 kids. There's a 25-30% chance of recurrence. Anyway, just saying I get it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 The thought of a baby to get up with makes me exhausted to even consider. The thought of being pregnant at 45 makes me exhausted. If I were to give birth at 46 I would be sending the child to full time school for sure! Now, I would not mind adopting a 5 or 6 year old right now. That would be fine. But an infant and toddler again, NOPE, can't do it. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsJewelsRae Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We don't believe in birth control for US, tho that is subject to change due to medical reasons, should they arise. I believe it is a personal decision that is none of my business, although I think Christians especially have a responsibility to investigate the methods they use. I have endometriosis and pcos and we had a lit of difficulty getting and staying pregnant, we have been married over 12 years and have 3 children, thanks to fertility drugs, surgeries and procedures. I have a huge problem with people that use bc pills and yet criticized my use of fertility drugs/ procedures as going against God's will. It is such a hugely obvious double standard and hypocritical! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I wouldn't mind having one more, but dh is almost 42, works between fifty and sixty hours a week to support us as it is, and with my PCOS, epilepsy, recently-diagnosed OCD, and the fact that I had an emergency c-section due to a really rapid case of preeclampsia and then darn near ended up with postpartum psychosis after dd was born, we're done. I figure that, you know, if the universe wanted me to have more kids, it wouldn't have tried so hard to kill me with the first one. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I feel that the only valid reason for stopping is when you have peace in your heart about it - when you "know" you are done. You just have that feeling of knowing. I never, ever thought I would feel that feeling. I knew older women who were "done" who told me that one day I would just "feel" done, and that's when I would know. I never believed them. I always thought that I would always want "just one more". You know what? I have complete peace now. Complete. I know, in my heart, that we are done. I will treasure the six boys that I have now, and I am completely content with it. I have no yearning for another, and I am starting to plan ahead for grandchildren. I can't believe it, but those women were right, so many years ago. Ditto. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I think any reason is perfectly valid and fine to limit one's fertility. (Although I do have moral issues with some of the methods through which this is achived, and I do not think abortion is a morally valid form of routine birth control.) Personally, I think the appropriate question is: What are valid reasons to choose to create a child? I think that families, couples, children, mothers, and the planet are all better off with one fewer under-wanted, under-loved, under-cared for child. In my mind, the question is: Can both parents fully care for this child? Will this child's addition to the family cause other child(ren) in the family to suffer lack of attention or resources? In my mind, every child should be a wanted child, and every child born deserves to have fully present parents who have the emotional and practical resources to provide the child with excellent care throughout his lifetime. Although there are no 100% guarantees as to what the future holds, I do think it is the moral duty of adults to make the wisest possible choices about reproduction given their best judgment as to what their family's resources are and will be. In our personal child-making decisions, the question always came down to: I believe that it is better to have one too few children than one too many, because one too few just means I have a little sadness and wistfulness and longing (and eagerness for grandbabies and nieces and other little people -- which is not really all a bad thing . . . but one too many could mean pushing one or more of our family members past the point at which they are capable of fully nourishing eachother, and that could have devastating consequences for all of us, including the children we have *already* brought into the world. Personally, I'd have very gladly had more kids if my husband had been willing, but I had limited fertility, and he had enough with three. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I feel that the only valid reason for stopping is when you have peace in your heart about it - when you "know" you are done. You just have that feeling of knowing. I never, ever thought I would feel that feeling. I knew older women who were "done" who told me that one day I would just "feel" done, and that's when I would know. I never believed them. I always thought that I would always want "just one more". You know what? I have complete peace now. Complete. I know, in my heart, that we are done. I will treasure the six boys that I have now, and I am completely content with it. I have no yearning for another, and I am starting to plan ahead for grandchildren. I can't believe it, but those women were right, so many years ago. I don't know... I would love more children but honestly don't think I could handle more. I think if I kept having more children until I had peace about it I would be acting selfishly & irresponsibly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Just wanted to mention that two other methods are NFP and abstinence. I think this is periodic abstinence. True abstinence would be a different option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 When either person in a couple decides they don't want to have children, or the couple decides they are financially unable to support more children. I mean, really, are there any invalid reasons to cease having kids? If someone has a reason for not wanting more, that should be it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmschooling Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I do not believe there is a valid reason to use artificial birth control. :iagree: God is the giver of life and it's His decision. Though, my DH isn't totally on the same page anymore. If you thankfully accept the gift God gives in a child, He provides, so financial reasons are valid IMHO. My health is not so good right now and I have a high chance of another miscarriage, but God is both the giver and taker of life, so it's all in His hands either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Whenever the couple is done. Children shouldn't be brought into the world not wanted. I wasn't wanted, but I'm here and glad I am :001_smile:. Life is a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Any reason is perfectly valid. Parenting should be a choice. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 (edited) :iagree: God is the giver of life and it's His decision. Though, my DH isn't totally on the same page anymore. If you thankfully accept the gift God gives in a child, He provides, so financial reasons are valid IMHO. My health is not so good right now and I have a high chance of another miscarriage, but God is both the giver and taker of life, so it's all in His hands either way. I've always been curious about this. I'm not quite sure what you're saying, I think. You said that "He provides, so financial reasons are valid IMHO" Did you mean "not valid"? There have been many, many good Christian people who have starved to death along with their children throughout history, and even today. Assuming you meant, "financial reasons are invalid" (and I could be reading this totally wrong, but it seems to make better sense in context,) I wonder how people deal with this. If God provides for all things, and yet sometimes families don't really have what it takes to keep a child in necessities as simple as food, is it really right to say "there is no such thing as a financial concern". And if I've misunderstood, you, I do beg your pardon, and offer this question to others who feel that people should never attempt to avoid a gift from their god. Have families who had children starve to death from lack of resources done something wrong, or is this merely the way your god provides all things for them? Or, it is simply because in our first world countries (most of us on this board are from more fortunate countries) that we've really lost sight of what it means to not actually have the means to rear children? Edited December 31, 2011 by Ipsey major writing botch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Any reason is a valid reason really, but what comes to mind is: -if either person doesn't want any more. -if the health of the mother would be compromised by another pregnancy/birth. -if the couple is financially unable to provide the necessities for another child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I haven't read all the responses, but if after careful prayer, there is a serious reason that makes the couple unable to handle having another child at the current time, I believe it is perfectly acceptable to postpone pregnancy. If circumstances do not change, then it could be postponed indefinitely. I am 100% against predetermined arbitrary limits on family size (the "one and done" or "two and done" phenomenon). I also believe that too often in our society the decision not to have another child is for purely selfish reasons. I constantly hear people say "we cannot afford to have another baby" when it actually just means that they'd have to give up the lavish lifestyle to which they've become accustomed. :thumbdown: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 For us, the reason was the health of future children. Both dds were born with airway abnormalities and the second was worse than the first. The drs told us it was something dh and I together were passing on and we didn't want to put any other children through it. I was actually pregnant with our third when we found out exactly what was wrong with our two. We lost that baby and decided not to try again. I feel that if God wanted us to have more that He could intervene. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 This is truly out of ignorance, and not in any way snarky :) I'm sincerely curious.... Other than, "Go forth and multiply," what scriptures are usually referenced about this sort of thing? I'm not sure there are a ton of direct ones on the topic. There are a few that indicate that many children are a blessing. But I think in general it comes more out of the larger question of sexuality and its purpose, and whether it is appropriate to satisfy appetites while thwarting the natural end of the appetite. So to use an unpleasant comparison, it would be framed in the same way as, say, the question of using a Roman vomitorium.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 The thing is, if people use bc of any type - surgery included - and God's plan is for them to have more kids, a little medicine or a little surgery isn't going to stop him. :D I get the being obedient thing. But God's plan for everyone isn't the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suppleasthewind Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I don't have enough energy for another child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 The thing is, if people use bc of any type - surgery included - and God's plan is for them to have more kids, a little medicine or a little surgery isn't going to stop him. :D I get the being obedient thing. But God's plan for everyone isn't the same. Exactly. 2 times we got pregnant while using BC. It was His plan and we were fine with it!! :D If I get pregnant after DH has a vasectomy I either have a lot of splainin' to do or it is what HE wanted. **No need to inform me that it may happen in the first 6 months after a vasectomy. I know it takes a little time to know if it takes.** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I guess I'd rather have someone make a decision to stop having children for "selfish" reasons than have a child that will be neglected or resented or end up in the system. Someone's selfish level might be another person's breaking point. Suppose we're talking about a parent that has physical or mental health issues? There are just so many scenarios than can color these decisions. We stopped at 2. My DH really wanted to stop at 2. I had some serious problems including an extreme emergency during one of my deliveries that required blood transfusions. We also had our kids older than many people on this board. I would have liked another. Now that my kids are a little older and I have some perspective, I'm ok with it and we do have some perks and advantages by having a smaller family. My kids have unique educational needs that I can tweak much better with just 2. I just don't think you can look at any one family and stereotype and make assumptions about their decision making processes. I also don't think it's anyone's business but the couple making the decision. I'm fine with couples having zero children and I'm fine with the Duggars, even though their life isn't what I would choose. I am not fond of people continuing to intentionally have children while on assistance. Everyone is different. I'm glad people have choices and can raise their families as they choose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I also believe that too often in our society the decision not to have another child is for purely selfish reasons. I constantly hear people say "we cannot afford to have another baby" when it actually just means that they'd have to give up the lavish lifestyle to which they've become accustomed. :thumbdown: I guess I don't understand why it's selfish to choose to have fewer children, and being able to things you wouldn't be able to do with more children. What's wrong with choosing to be able to give more in terms of things like vacations, activities, etc? Just don't see how that's selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 The thing is, if people use bc of any type - surgery included - and God's plan is for them to have more kids, a little medicine or a little surgery isn't going to stop him. :D I get the being obedient thing. But God's plan for everyone isn't the same. Yes :P A friend of mine conceived her 3rd child while breastfeeding, on the pill and with the dh wearing a condom. I guess she really was supposed to have a family of 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I think any reason an individual couple has is valid enough. Of course, maybe there is one I haven't ever dreamed of I'd think wasn't, but....it really isn't my business what anyone else does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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