Heather in Neverland Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 So if you attend an event that is pot-luck... Everybody brings a dish... And when it is over there is still a significant portion of the dish you brought left over, do you take the food home with you? I went to a baby shower yesterday and I made this huge pasta salad. They ate about half of it so I thought I would take the rest home to my family. Then another random guest at the party, a woman I work with but don't know very well, says to me "I liked the pasta salad you made so I am going to take the rest home to my family. I'll wash your bowl and bring it back on Monday." I just stood there with my jaw hanging open. I didn't know what to say. I guess it is no big deal? Maybe I should be flattered? But it just seemed odd to me. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I think the hostess should offer the bringer of the food first dibs. Then the bringer should offer to leave it with the hostess and when the hostess says, No, thanks, then the bringer may take it home or offer it to others. Then swing your partner, do-si-do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antsam Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I might have expected that the expectant mother might have considered keeping some of the extra food (so she didn't have to cook that night!), but would think it was weird if another guest told me they were going to keep all of the rest. I might've said that I also liked it and was considering having it for dinner myself! Strange. Jodie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trresh Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I could understand if she asked but just to tell you she's taking the dish you paid for and spent the time to prepare is odd to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 I might have expected that the expectant mother might have considered keeping some of the extra food (so she didn't have to cook that night!), but would think it was weird if another guest told me they were going to keep all of the rest. I might've said that I also liked it and was considering having it for dinner myself! Strange. Jodie I had asked the mom to be if she wanted it but there was so much food so I thought cool, easy dinner for us tonight! Then I see that women walking off with my pasta salad... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I went to a baby shower yesterday and I made this huge pasta salad. They ate about half of it so I thought I would take the rest home to my family. Then another random guest at the party, a woman I work with but don't know very well, says to me "I liked the pasta salad you made so I am going to take the rest home to my family. I'll wash your bowl and bring it back on Monday." I just stood there with my jaw hanging open. I didn't know what to say. I guess it is no big deal? Maybe I should be flattered? But it just seemed odd to me. :001_huh: :001_huh::lol: Yeah, that's *odd*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Wow - very bad form on the part of the random guest! So bad, in fact, that I laughed right out loud when I read it. I believe (not positive, but pretty sure) that leftovers should be offered to the hostess, and if she declines, they are yours to do with as you choose. So, you could have offered them to someone else, or taken them yourself, but I've never heard of a random guest claiming someone else's food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Wow. Clueless on the social skills, eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I wouldn't mind if the host or shower recipient took it, but a random guest? That's weird. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 We have always talent our own food home, or split it up between those with leftovers - the person with all the potato salad shares and gets some baked beans and chicken to go with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 How odd. Normally the leftovers are offered to all guests to take home a little bit of each, and anything not taken is taken home with teh person who brought it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 It is odd and you are nicer than me, I'm sure I would of told her no.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenjenn Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 That is really weird. It might even make me wonder if they are struggling to feed their family and acted out of line taking an opportunity to get a no-cost meal? The socially appropriate way would be to say 'I loved your pasta salad! Would you mind sharing the recipe?" which leaves you the opening to say "Of course, and why, there's plenty of leftovers. Why don't you take some home?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I had asked the mom to be if she wanted it but there was so much food so I thought cool, easy dinner for us tonight! Then I see that women walking off with my pasta salad... Did she hear you ask? Maybe she thought it was an open offer since the hostess didn't want it. Otherwise, I think that's pretty rude. She should have asked.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 That's definitely odd. Is the woman from a different culture where the expectations might be different? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 She that taketh away thy pasta salad forbid not to take thy deviled eggs also. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Really odd. Someone else's bowl is not her personal doggy bag. I wouldn't care too much about the salad, since I hesitate to serve my family food that's been sitting around unrefrigerated for hours. But...taking your bowl to her own home??? No! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 She that taketh away thy pasta salad forbid not to take thy deviled eggs also. Bill HA! *like* Heather, what the other lady did was really odd. But that aside, just maybe try to be flattered that she loved your pasta salad so much, she was willing to do something outside of social norms to take the rest home. :D You know what? Maybe even next time you make that salad for your family, take a little dish of it, along with a copy of the recipe, to work for her the next day. You might just make her day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Either you leave it for the host or you take it home (it's usually polite if you ask the host if they mind whether or not you take it home). A random party guest telling you she's bringing it home? That's just strange! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Wow - very bad form on the part of the random guest! So bad, in fact, that I laughed right out loud when I read it. I believe (not positive, but pretty sure) that leftovers should be offered to the hostess, and if she declines, they are yours to do with as you choose. So, you could have offered them to someone else, or taken them yourself, but I've never heard of a random guest claiming someone else's food. This or if the hostess doesn't want them, she offers for everyone makes a plate with a bit of the different leftovers to take home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I just stood there with my jaw hanging open. I didn't know what to say. I guess it is no big deal? Maybe I should be flattered? But it just seemed odd to me. :001_huh: You say "My family likes it too. I brought it for the party, and the party is over. I will take *MY* item home myself". you could offer the recipe as a consolation. or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 :blink: Yeah, there'd have been some mouth-hanging-open going on if I'd experienced that, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) I woulld definitely have told her that your family also likes your pasta salad and that you are planning to take it home to your own family. I absolutely would not have let her take home your bowl. In my experience, you wil never see that bowl again. People are notoriously bad about returning items like that. It was strange move on her part. Edited October 25, 2011 by KidsHappen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 once food has been exposed to a pot luck, it's somehow tainted. Even if I don't actually see someone sneeze in it, I just feel like someone has. So I wouldn't take pasta salad from a potluck home to my family on a bet. I'd let her have it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Well, I wouldn't have cared but taken it as flattery on the part of my cooking and her view of our friendship/my character. Definitely not something I would wonder about on a board, but then I always leave my pot luck items behind for whomever wants it by either emptying the bowl or by having used consumable plates. I would never count on bringing my own item home, but might sneak some of somebody else's item just as I would expect anybody to sneak some of my food home. We do pot lucks a lot here -being busy moms and all- so that's my take on this!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 She that taketh away thy pasta salad forbid not to take thy deviled eggs also. Bill :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I think the hostess should offer the bringer of the food first dibs. Then the bringer should offer to leave it with the hostess and when the hostess says, No, thanks, then the bringer may take it home or offer it to others. Then swing your partner, do-si-do! :iagree:I offer leftovers to the hostess. If she declines, I usually take them home without offering to others unless there is a lot left to share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) So if you attend an event that is pot-luck... Everybody brings a dish... And when it is over there is still a significant portion of the dish you brought left over, do you take the food home with you? I went to a baby shower yesterday and I made this huge pasta salad. They ate about half of it so I thought I would take the rest home to my family. Then another random guest at the party, a woman I work with but don't know very well, says to me "I liked the pasta salad you made so I am going to take the rest home to my family. I'll wash your bowl and bring it back on Monday." I just stood there with my jaw hanging open. I didn't know what to say. I guess it is no big deal? Maybe I should be flattered? But it just seemed odd to me. :001_huh: That is odd in my world but I know you're living overseas. I take my own dish and left-overs home. I've never even asked if I could take home someone else's food. :confused: I may have made a plate for dh if he couldn't be there with whatever is left on the table. ETA: I should clarify that if it was a baby shower potluck I wouldn't make a plate for dh. I was thinking church potluck where he normally would have been but was home with a sick kid or something. Edited October 23, 2011 by silliness7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
songbirdie Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Definitely odd, and a bit rude IMHO. It reminds me of my dd's 12th birthday party, where we grilled hamburgers and had several families over. At the end, one of the mothers said, "Those are just enough burgers left for my girls for lunch tomorrow! Do you have something I can take them home in?" I was stunned. Still am when I think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 It must have been awesome pasta salad. I think the only rude thing is that you are not sharing the recipe :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Well, I wouldn't have cared but taken it as flattery on the part of my cooking and her view of our friendship/my character. Definitely not something I would wonder about on a board, but then I always leave my pot luck items behind for whomever wants it by either emptying the bowl or by having used consumable plates. I would never count on bringing my own item home, but might sneak some of somebody else's item just as I would expect anybody to sneak some of my food home. We do pot lucks a lot here -being busy moms and all- so that's my take on this!! :iagree: - my first thought was that it's a cultural difference. I have lived abroad for many years, in more than one very different country/region/culture. I matured into the mentality that my first assumption should always: it's cultural. Rarely, it isn't and is instead just a random personality thing ... but the majority of the time it ends up being me having assigned my own cultural norms to the people I've chosen to live among. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakimberly Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 In America, I would say the bringer-of-the-dish takes it home. You didn't say if the person you were talking to was a local Malaysian or a fellow American or ___? But I would say (from our experience in China) that at any pot luck type thing, any food I brought *was* taken by other people. And when I brought food to someone's house, they would take the leftovers and give me back the dish. ESPECIALLY with Koreans. In fact, at our last church we attended a Korean lunch each week and the women would divvy up my leftover desserts to take home to their family. We NEVER left with our leftovers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Upon reading the thread, I agree it's probably cultural differences at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 My dh (who is Chinese-American) is fairly shameless about asking for leftovers at potlucks or parties. But he does it in a more socially acceptable way. He would have said "Hey, I loved your pasta salad, can I take some home?" and then he would have offered you some of whatever he brought. We have an every other week potluck lunch we are part of and typically we divvy up all the food afterward. Same with family events. We (mostly dh since he's more of the cook) also always cooks extra for us if he's taking something to a potluck. So maybe she assumed you had pasta salad at home for your own family. It's one of those things that I would find weird but unless it's someone who has done other things that are really rude, I'd probably give them the benefit of the doubt about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 She that taketh away thy pasta salad forbid not to take thy deviled eggs also. Bill Hey, I have dibs on those deviled eggs! :D I agree with the others, that is rather strange. I wouldn't have been cool with someone taking my dish home. We do potlucks frequently at church, and if there are leftovers whoever brought them will usually offer to share with the other families, or if they want to take it all home with them, that is fine too. I think it's weird that someone would just up and off with them. But different cultures, who knows? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I find it rude also, though I'd overlook the offense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) I normally would offer it to whoever wanted it. But it seems odd that someone would take it without being asked. I guess I'd tell myself that that person must really need it more than I do. My mom used to make extra in the hope of having some leftovers. Then she figured out that the only way to guarantee leftovers is to keep some aside before going to the party. ETA: we always attempt to force guests to take leftovers home. Much easier than trying to store and eat all of that later. Edited October 23, 2011 by SKL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I wouldn't mind if the host or shower recipient took it, but a random guest? That's weird. I have never been to a pot-luck dinner (I know, I am out of the loop again...) but that just seems strange to me, too. Did the same woman also slink off with the centerpiece? Perhaps she also stole the soap and the towels from the hostess' bathroom... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelissaMinNC Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 So if you attend an event that is pot-luck... Everybody brings a dish... And when it is over there is still a significant portion of the dish you brought left over, do you take the food home with you? I went to a baby shower yesterday and I made this huge pasta salad. They ate about half of it so I thought I would take the rest home to my family. Then another random guest at the party, a woman I work with but don't know very well, says to me "I liked the pasta salad you made so I am going to take the rest home to my family. I'll wash your bowl and bring it back on Monday." I just stood there with my jaw hanging open. I didn't know what to say. I guess it is no big deal? Maybe I should be flattered? But it just seemed odd to me. :001_huh: Well, that was...forward. Really, I think people are just clueless. I would have offered it to the hostess, and if she didn't want it, I'd expect to take the rest home. If someone ASKED NICELY, (you know, like we tell our kids a million times a day), I would have no problem sharing, but that was just... :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 After reading all the replies, I am going to assume it was a cultural thing then. She is a Chinese woman and although I have learned a lot about the different cultures here, something new always creeps up on me! Next time I am bringing a box and I am going to load up on leftovers since it is culturally acceptable. :lol: I am going to work in an hour. I wonder if I will get my bowl back? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 You'll get your bowl back -and most likely with something yummy in it. You'll see!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Got the bowl back but it was empty. Bummer. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinD Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Totally out of line. It reminds me of somthing that hapened to me about ten years ago: the office where I worked insisted that everyone choose a birthday cake on their "special day" and that everyone in the office have a piece, then the birthday person took the rest home. It was my birthday so we all had the obligatory piece, I went to wash my hands, and when I returned one of the men (whom I barely knew) from another department had, other people informed me, packed up my cake, stuck it into his bag, and left for the day! I have never forgotten that; I was absolutely flabbergasted that anyone would think it was acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I wouldn't mind if the host or shower recipient took it, but a random guest? That's weird. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Wow. :001_huh: I laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing. Asians (I married into an Asian family) are (IME) blunt and bold. My jaw would have hit the floor, too. But if it were one of any of the Asians I know, while surprised and speechless, I wouldn't have thought they were being rude. I'm glad you got your bowl back. I'm sorry there wasn't something awesome yummy in it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 It reminds me of somthing that hapened to me about ten years ago: the office where I worked insisted that everyone choose a birthday cake on their "special day" and that everyone in the office have a piece, then the birthday person took the rest home. It was my birthday so we all had the obligatory piece, I went to wash my hands, and when I returned one of the men (whom I barely knew) from another department had, other people informed me, packed up my cake, stuck it into his bag, and left for the day! I have never forgotten that; I was absolutely flabbergasted that anyone would think it was acceptable. Years ago, I worked in an office and had a female coworker that would help herself to whatever. She would walk in, sit down at your table and say, "Hm. That looks good." If you didn't physically cover your food with your body or pack up and run instantly, she would stick her fork in your food and start eating. Not a taste, but several bites! Ack! We were all so grossed out by it! Glad you got your bowl back, OP, though sorry it was empty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Next time I am bringing a box and I am going to load up on leftovers since it is culturally acceptable. :lol: That's how you work cultural differences to your advantage. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Definitely odd, and a bit rude IMHO. It reminds me of my dd's 12th birthday party, where we grilled hamburgers and had several families over. At the end, one of the mothers said, "Those are just enough burgers left for my girls for lunch tomorrow! Do you have something I can take them home in?" I was stunned. Still am when I think about it. It was my birthday so we all had the obligatory piece, I went to wash my hands, and when I returned one of the men (whom I barely knew) from another department had, other people informed me, packed up my cake, stuck it into his bag, and left for the day! I have never forgotten that; I was absolutely flabbergasted that anyone would think it was acceptable. Years ago, I worked in an office and had a female coworker that would help herself to whatever. She would walk in, sit down at your table and say, "Hm. That looks good." If you didn't physically cover your food with your body or pack up and run instantly, she would stick her fork in your food and start eating. Not a taste, but several bites! Ack! We were all so grossed out by it! :001_huh::lol: These stories are making me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Two thoughts: she had a different upbringing than you, and I don't bring things home from pot lucks. I'm more than happy for people to take home various leftovers (people often assemble "plates" here and and desperate hostess presses them on people), although I've never seen anyone hog a whole dish, because I don't want anything picked at, coughed on, and sitting at room temp for four hours to come back with me. YMMV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeannie in NJ Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) we have a large extended family consisting of Italians, Puerito Ricans, Jewish, Black and Asians (we say we are a real United Nations lol)and all of our get togethers are pot luck and the hostess always has sturdy paper plates and foil for everyone to take home each others leftovers. But everyone takes a little bit of everything not all of one thing and no-one ever takes someobe else's bowl home Edited October 24, 2011 by Jeannie in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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