Ugh. I lost it today and did something dumb

[plain jane]

Sigh.

 

In a large way, I've had it with dd7. I know she's only 7. I get it. But we have had several big talks, her and I. We talked about how she has to get an education be that at home, or at school. I've told her I'm willing to pick programs she likes (and switch ones she doesn't) and do lots of fun things- zoo trips, gymnastics classes, fencing lesson, etc, but she has to do her work. We also sat down and talked about school. I gave her the option- work at home or work at school. She chose home.

 

It's been nothing but a battle for over a month now. :( I don't know why it has to be so difficult. She listens and is obedient, but every time I turn my back, she stops working. Now, I know she's young, but she's at the table with an older sibling who is working. She's not "alone". I can't be there the entire time as I have 3 younger kids. :willy_nilly:

 

So, after the millionth warning today, I told dd that was it. She's off to school. So I packed all the kids up, headed over to the PS, picked up the forms, came home, got the paperwork they asked from me, brought the forms back and got her all signed up. :001_huh: I have to go back tomorrow and turn in some money and fill a couple more forms and she's in. :eek:

 

Of course, dd is hysterical about this. She doesn't want to go. She's not been trained to hate school or anything and when we looked at it in the summer, she was ok with the idea.

 

I don't know how I feel. :( I don't want her to go but I don't want to battle her every day anymore. I want to enjoy her, enjoy our relationship, but we're simply not there. I don't know why. I found out later this evening that she's been telling older dd that the only subjects she likes are science and history. She's told her that she doesn't like her writing or her math. I asked little dd why she didn't just tell me that rather than insist on not doing anything. I told her I could have switched things up. Of course, I don't know if that would have fixed anything or not.

 

Gosh, I don't know what to do. I know I over reacted. I'm just so tired of being frustrated with her. I know she'll love being in a classroom and she's such a people pleaser that her teacher will just love her to pieces & she'll do anything to please. But she's not that way for me (at least not with school stuff, other stuff, yes).

 

I totally blew it and I don't have anybody to talk to IRL. It's been a really bad day.

[Nakia]

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to give you some hugs. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[ChristusG]

Do you have *MY* 7 year old over there??? We have many, many talks about how she has to do school SOMEWHERE. I explain that it's the law that kids do school until a certain age. I even explained that mommy could get into trouble if I don't have her doing school either at home or at school....and that kids need to learn things so that they can grow up to be smart adults.

 

Sending her to public school is not an option for me due to various reasons and she doesn't want to go either. But I tell her that if she won't do work for me, she'll HAVE to do it for a teacher, because one way or another, she must get an education.

 

Does she fully understand it all? I'm not sure....but it does cause her to get back on track since she understands that *all* kids must do school and that it's the law....not just mommy trying to be mean LOL. :tongue_smilie:

[Caitilin]

:grouphug: you haven't made any permanent decisions. Sleep on it, and decide tomorrow. :grouphug: it will be ok either way. You are a good mama. :grouphug:

[ZooRho]

I'm sorry days like that suck. I threatened my kids with school once too.

 

anyway,

yep she is young. I'd work on switching stuff up.

can you sit with her while she does her math,

 

and honestly, I didn't do any real writing with my 2 boys until middle school/high school. My oldest is a natural writer and is working on a book. He is in college and does great on his writing for the most part.

 

Youngest is coming along with his too.

 

I don't think putting her in school will neccesarily help your situation, but only you will know the truth.

 

For the moment, I wouldn't send her tomorrow, you don't want to do something rash that you will change again soon.

[IsabelC]

Sorry you're having such a difficult time.

 

If, on reflection, you really feel you made a big mistake enrolling her at school, don't feel as though you have to follow through. You don't have to be infallible! You do have the option of explaining that you were angry/upset/frustrated, and now you have thought better of that decision.

 

On the other hand, if you think that school might be good for her, by all means go ahead with it. It's not a forever decision: you always have the choice of using it as a break and then bringing her back home later if it turns out not to be the best choice.

[plain jane]

I'm sorry days like that suck. I threatened my kids with school once too.

 

anyway,

yep she is young. I'd work on switching stuff up.

can you sit with her while she does her math,

 

and honestly, I didn't do any real writing with my 2 boys until middle school/high school. My oldest is a natural writer and is working on a book. He is in college and does great on his writing for the most part.

 

Youngest is coming along with his too.

 

I don't think putting her in school will neccesarily help your situation, but only you will know the truth.

 

For the moment, I wouldn't send her tomorrow, you don't want to do something rash that you will change again soon.

 

No, I don't think it would help my situation much either. :001_huh:

 

I guess I just feel that if I send her, she'll be doing *some* thing. Something. Anything other than staring at the wall. :glare: A creative poster, a diorama, I dunno. Just not. sitting. there. doing. nothing.

 

I won't be sending her tomorrow, I was aiming for starting next Monday.

 

I don't want her to go, that's the honest answer. But I equally don't want the daily fight. I guess if she goes to school the daily fight will be over homework :rolleyes: I feel like I can't win some days. :tongue_smilie:

[GWOB]

I think it is safe to say we all have our "yellow school bus" days. Ya know, the days where we pray to God that a bright, shining yellow school bus will magically show up, whisk our kids away, and all of our problems will miraculously be solved. I am totally speaking from experience, because I have a hormonal 11yo girl, a flighty 8yo boy, and a divalicious 4yo girl.

 

Look, you just cannot be a perfect parent. Perfect parents don't exist. Homeschooling is hard. Sometimes it is downright maddening. You had a bad day and reacted. Welcome to the Human Club. We have alcohol and chocolate in here;).

 

Search your heart. Ask yourself why you are homeschooling. Have an honest discussion with yourself and your dh about what this particular child needs. Maybe she does need to be in public school. Maybe you just need to gut it out and weather this storm. Whatever you decide, it will be ok. You know your kid. You sound like a fabulous mom, one who is connected with her kids. You are not the first mom who has freaked out, and you certainly will NOT be the last. Parenting is not for sissies. Neither is homeschooling.

 

Take a break. It's ok.

[plain jane]

Sorry you're having such a difficult time.

 

If, on reflection, you really feel you made a big mistake enrolling her at school, don't feel as though you have to follow through. You don't have to be infallible! You do have the option of explaining that you were angry/upset/frustrated, and now you have thought better of that decision.

 

On the other hand, if you think that school might be good for her, by all means go ahead with it. It's not a forever decision: you always have the choice of using it as a break and then bringing her back home later if it turns out not to be the best choice.

 

This is true. I just don't want to be pulling her back out during the same school year. I don't think I'll be making any friends at the school that way. :001_unsure:

 

They were already non too pleased about having to take her since their grade 2 classes are really full as it is.

[NorCalMom]

I think it is safe to say we all have our "yellow school bus" days. Ya know, the days where we pray to God that a bright, shining yellow school bus will magically show up, whisk our kids away, and all of our problems will miraculously be solved. I am totally speaking from experience, because I have a hormonal 11yo girl, a flighty 8yo boy, and a divalicious 4yo girl.

 

Look, you just cannot be a perfect parent. Perfect parents don't exist. Homeschooling is hard. Sometimes it is downright maddening. You had a bad day and reacted. Welcome to the Human Club. We have alcohol and chocolate in here;).

 

Search your heart. Ask yourself why you are homeschooling. Have an honest discussion with yourself and your dh about what this particular child needs. Maybe she does need to be in public school. Maybe you just need to gut it out and weather this storm. Whatever you decide, it will be ok. You know your kid. You sound like a fabulous mom, one who is connected with her kids. You are not the first mom who has freaked out, and you certainly will NOT be the last. Parenting is not for sissies. Neither is homeschooling.

 

Take a break. It's ok.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: I was all set to type something similar. :grouphug::grouphug:

[K&Rs Mom]

I guess if she goes to school the daily fight will be over homework

 

This is the ONLY reason my 9yo didn't get enrolled about a month ago - it would be more trouble for me to send her than to keep her home. Things are starting to improve, but it's still rocky.

 

You're doing the best for your dd at this time - whether that changes in the future, who knows? I kind of hoped I could send mine for a semester, she'd learn how much better homeschool is, and that would be the end of the fighting. I may yet test that theory.... :tongue_smilie:

[ZooRho]

No, I don't think it would help my situation much either. :001_huh:

 

I guess I just feel that if I send her, she'll be doing *some* thing. Something. Anything other than staring at the wall. :glare: A creative poster, a diorama, I dunno. Just not. sitting. there. doing. nothing.

 

I won't be sending her tomorrow, I was aiming for starting next Monday.

 

I don't want her to go, that's the honest answer. But I equally don't want the daily fight. I guess if she goes to school the daily fight will be over homework :rolleyes: I feel like I can't win some days. :tongue_smilie:

Honestly the best thing that ever happened to my youngest was that the older one was doing algebra. I'd be intense with him and youngest would just sort of slide his workbook stuff he did, VERY MINOR stuff, but his math pages and some ETC /wordly wise stuff, probably did it in less than an hour, over to me and slide out of the room to go outside and do little boy things. That was when he was 7-9ish in age.

 

I would definately take a look at what is really neccessary with her and cut things to the bare minimum of the work. Sit with her while she does it. Use the other kids to help with the youngest or do it during nap times. I wished more than anything now I had done LESS book work sitting in the chair stuff and done more fun and active stuff with them when they were younger.

 

and yep I can see you being in homework fights too NOT WORTH IT

[Jean in Newcastle]

Do you have a husband that you can talk this over with? I can't quite imagine making this decision without a lot of discussion with my dh and his support.

[Starr]

I would consider the time her homework will take in the afternoon and if you can spend the time with her then plus all the school related activities, getting ready, keeping on top of things. Be sure it will really improve the situation. If she's the only one punished and sent off how will this work out in the long run. Maybe you can take a breath and work out a new plan and some discipline for her. She's not going to like everything about school wherever it is and you are going to get a lot of work wherever it is. :grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

Make some tickets out of index cards. Tell her that she has to save 100 tickets up to win a big prize--some kind of cool outing or something. Tell her that she gets 10 tickets each morning. She can earn another one by finishing her math and writing properly before 10AM. You take one every time she argues with you, or rolls her eyes, or is disrespectful. If she runs out of tickets for the day, there is some dire consequence the next time you would take one. (I have no idea what that should be. When I did this, I said darkly, "You don't want to know what will happen then." We never quite got to that point, which is good because I don't know what I would have done.) Every so often you can give her an extra ticket if you notice her doing something especially well.

 

What this does is it tunes her in to her attitude and expressions, without engaging in argument. It's a lot easier to stay calm while saying quietly, "Please give me a ticket," than while explaining how annoying eyerolls are.

[plain jane]

Do you have a husband that you can talk this over with? I can't quite imagine making this decision without a lot of discussion with my dh and his support.

 

Oddly enough, I don't. :blink:

 

I mean, I have dh. A good dh. An involved father. But he has no strong feelings either way. He's told me that if I want to hs, he supports me 100% but if I want to send her he'll back me 100% too.

 

He says he doesn't want to stress me out by saying I should keep her home if I feel she should be in school and he doesn't want to cause me pain by saying to send her if I want to have her home.

 

I know... it's *really* bizarre. And really not helpful. :001_huh:

[bnrmom]

If I didn't want my 7yo going to school, but was facing daily battles like you describe, I would consider unschooling for awhile.

 

I unschooled (for lack of a better word - I'm not big on labels) my older son from K-3. One of the reasons I found myself on that path with him was because he had a lot of trouble with and resistance to phonics/reading and writing, and I didn't want him to learn to hate learning. He had been to two years of preschool where they had a lot of introduction to phonics and reading, but he never understood it and had a severe reaction to being forced to work with it. He hated even writing his name. So I rolled the dice and had faith that he would develop the skills he needed at his young age on his own through the rich learning environment we provided.

 

For the most part, he did. However, I do have some guilt/doubt/worries that maybe his struggle with spelling and writing now is because I didn't give him the proper foundation. But maybe he would always have struggled with it regardless of what I would have done. I will never know. I do know that he loves learning, has a great attitude towards the work I ask him to do, and has high self esteem.

 

(My younger son, who never went to preschool and was unschooled for K, was reading and writing and spelling at age 4. I did nothing different.)

 

All of this is a long winded way of saying that you may have to do some soul searching about what is your higher priority. Is it making sure she receives a traditional educational foundation, or is it a harmonious relationship with not only you but learning in general? There is no right or wrong answer, and certainly no crystal ball to know how one path will play out over another. But even with the nagging doubts I have, I feel better having gambled on letting him develop at his own pace rather than having gambled with our family harmony.

[plain jane]

I would consider the time her homework will take in the afternoon and if you can spend the time with her then plus all the school related activities, getting ready, keeping on top of things. Be sure it will really improve the situation. If she's the only one punished and sent off how will this work out in the long run. Maybe you can take a breath and work out a new plan and some discipline for her. She's not going to like everything about school wherever it is and you are going to get a lot of work wherever it is. :grouphug:

 

Is there a lot of homework in 2nd grade? This isn't snarky- it's sincere. I don't know how much to expect. :confused:

 

Her brother was taunting her about having to go. :glare: He's just jealous though. He wants to go to K. :tongue_smilie:

[plain jane]

If I didn't want my 7yo going to school, but was facing daily battles like you describe, I would consider unschooling for awhile.

 

I unschooled (for lack of a better word - I'm not big on labels) my older son from K-3. One of the reasons I found myself on that path with him was because he had a lot of trouble with and resistance to phonics/reading and writing, and I didn't want him to learn to hate learning. He had been to two years of preschool where they had a lot of introduction to phonics and reading, but he never understood it and had a severe reaction to being forced to work with it. He hated even writing his name. So I rolled the dice and had faith that he would develop the skills he needed at his young age on his own through the rich learning environment we provided.

 

For the most part, he did. However, I do have some guilt/doubt/worries that maybe his struggle with spelling and writing now is because I didn't give him the proper foundation. But maybe he would always have struggled with it regardless of what I would have done. I will never know. I do know that he loves learning, has a great attitude towards the work I ask him to do, and has high self esteem.

 

(My younger son, who never went to preschool and was unschooled for K, was reading and writing and spelling at age 4. I did nothing different.)

 

All of this is a long winded way of saying that you may have to do some soul searching about what is your higher priority. Is it making sure she receives a traditional educational foundation, or is it a harmonious relationship with not only you but learning in general? There is no right or wrong answer, and certainly no crystal ball to know how one path will play out over another. But even with the nagging doubts I have, I feel better having gambled on letting him develop at his own pace rather than having gambled with our family harmony.

 

Thank you. I will give this some serious thought. She's definitely working ahead of grade levels in all areas (except math, where she's on level) so a bit of unschooling won't hurt. I just can't give up too much because I have a logic stage child (gr 5) that I can't be doing this with and I don't want to upset the balance I've worked out with her.

[Lara in Colo]

When my dd, (whom I pulled from 2nd grade, so she knew what ps was like), whould throw a fit about the work, I told her she could go back to ps, BUT, that I wasn't happy with what they taught. She would go to ps from 8-4:30, then I would teach her all the stuff I wanted her to know AFTER that (until 9:00pm).

 

or she could just learn all this stuff at home from 9-2.

 

She chose wisely.

 

Lara

[Mama2Many4]

I feel that I need to chime in here. My oldest son is going to be 8 next week. Getting him to do anything at the beginning of last year when he was 7 was a nightmare. An absolute nightmare. His brother, who is going to be 6 has loved his schoolwork from the very beginning. He started K at 4 years old and wanted to start with us earlier. My oldest hates to write, hates math, hates just about anything but science and art. He used to fight me tooth and nail. But a lot changed in just 1 year. He's matured so much! Sometimes I just look at him and think, gosh, is this the same kid? He writes narrations now, he does his math without complaining. Loves nature walks and being read to. He used to hate being read to.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up on her. You love her, you're her mother. No one will want more for her than you will. She is young, don't expect too much of her. Take things slow, when working on something ask her what she'd like to do to really cement the ideas. Play math games some days instead of a worksheet. Or print out paper dolls online and act out the history lesson together. At her age she can't work entirely independent. She needs your guidance and support. It's tough having little ones under foot, but find things for them to do. Playing with playdough and cooking cutters lasts a long time, trust me.

 

I'm praying for you, and hoping you come to a peaceful decision for your family.

[Aggie]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Is she in any other activities like fencing or gymnastics yet?

 

All of my dc are in activities that they are passionate about and they are motivated to stay on task during the school day.:D No work or bad attitude = no activity.

 

Although I don't have 5 dc, I would carve out the time she needs to finish her work and seriously sit there with her for that time. It might mean evening and/or weekend schooling for her, but she obviously needs that time.

 

I agree with other posters who say it's ok to make a mistake, take a step back, re-evaluate, and apologize. Actually, I'm not sure an apology from you is even in order. She's learning that her actions affect how others react. Justified anger and frustration are good things sometimes.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I figured out I have to sit with my 6-year-old for everything. She generally starts to either daydream or doodle within one problem, no matter the subject. However, we already tried PS so we know that's out :lol:. I don't know what I'd do with olders who needed me while schooling her. Right now I just have her little sister who has super-quick K work. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Celia]

I wish you were my neighbour :) We could switch daughters for the school day and they'd both get their work done! My dd is also a people pleaser, and long as those people aren't in her immediate family!

[scrapbookbuzz]

I struggled with my dd when she was that age, too. I think it must be the age. She'd do fine ...while I was there. Once I left the room, forget it. They really do need a lot of supervision at that age when it comes to school.

 

For what it's worth, have you really listened, watched, observed her while doing lessons with her or have you just been impatiently waiting for her to "just get it done" and wondering why she's not applying herself? I say that because that was MY attitude with my daughter. I later learned that she need glasses and had some learning challenges!

 

I understand your frustration but I'll agree with you on this - she's YOUNG, Mom. And she may be having some REAL issues you haven't identified yet.

 

May God reveal to you the wisest choice for YOUR family!

[fourcatmom]

This was me with my 9yo a few weeks back. We even went and looked at a school and she seemed really interested. We were both in agreement that things could not go on as they had been. It was too stressful for both us. I thought about it a lot and I felt that I was giving up on her and I wasn't sure that our relationship would be better. I waited about a week and then she approached me and said that she did not want to go to the school, but I had already decided we were going to keep trying. We are tying to mix up our day a bit and the hardest hours for her were from 8-10 in the morning. I have started allowing her some free time in the morning while I work with her sister. This will require us to do some work in the evenings but so far that has been really positive. She is more able to stay on task and I am more relaxed too. Slowly, things are getting better.

 

Sleep on it and I am sure you will make the best decision for both of you.

[Corraleno]

Of course, dd is hysterical about this. She doesn't want to go.

Even if you do think that PS might be the best place for her eventually, I would not do it this way, not now, when it will seem to her like you're just "trying to get rid of her." Seven is still soooo little, and I'd be really afraid that she would think you're sending her away — and just her, not the other kids — because you don't like her or want to be around her. Obviously that's NOT how you feel, but if I were seven and my mom blew up and sent me away that's how I'd feel. :sad:

 

 

I don't know how I feel. :( I don't want her to go but I don't want to battle her every day anymore. I want to enjoy her, enjoy our relationship, but we're simply not there. I don't know why. I found out later this evening that she's been telling older dd that the only subjects she likes are science and history. She's told her that she doesn't like her writing or her math. I asked little dd why she didn't just tell me that rather than insist on not doing anything. I told her I could have switched things up. Of course, I don't know if that would have fixed anything or not.

If you don't want her to go, and you don't want to fight anymore, then I'd look for a middle way. I'd tell her how much you love her and want to enjoy your time with her, and how much it hurts your heart to always be fighting about schoolwork — I'm sure it hurts her heart, too. Ask her how you two can work together to make school happen. Can you drop writing for a little while and do "living math" books and math games for a bit, while you work on your relationship? Can she help you with measuring and fractions while you bake cookies together, or help you write a letter to Grandma?

 

Gosh, 7 is still sooo young — you have the next 11 years to get her to a reasonable level in math and teach her to write an essay, it's just not worth ruining your relationship now over writing a few paragraphs or doing a few math worksheets. It's easy to "catch up" with those things later (and you may be amazed at how much more mature and capable she is in another year or so), but if the foundation of your relationship is rocky now, at seven, it's only going to get harder as she gets older.

 

I'd go hug that baby and tell her you love her and don't want to send her away. :grouphug:

 

Jackie

[Elizabeth in MN]

I'm struggling with this too and have even gone so far as to put my daughter on Ritalin due to her getting easily distracted. One thing is that this behavior is common to home school or public school. My experience is that the trade off is not worth it. You'll have homework, which is normal an hour or two, then all the social issues, the parent-teacher conferences, the endless paperwork to fill out. For me I spent more time dealing with school issues than I did with home schooling issues.

 

The only thing that has really helped is keeping lessons to fifteen minute bursts. We work for the fifteen minutes and then take a break.

[PenKase]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Gosh, 7 is still sooo young — you have the next 11 years to get her to a reasonable level in math and teach her to write an essay, it's just not worth ruining your relationship now over writing a few paragraphs or doing a few math worksheets. It's easy to "catch up" with those things later (and you may be amazed at how much more mature and capable she is in another year or so), but if the foundation of your relationship is rocky now, at seven, it's only going to get harder as she gets older.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I second the suggestion to unschool for a time while trying to get to the root of you situation with your dd. I've had to do this with my very independent, opinionated dd7. As a result, I've been a less stressed momma. Since letting go of the reigns, there's been a marked difference in behavior in dd. It's also allowed me to look deeply at my ideas of learning/education. I know it may not be for everybody, but in our home, a less structured environment has provided much needed peace.

 

As a point of reference, I'll offer a run down of what dd did with her day:

 

-made oatmeal cookies from a recipe with big sister

-Khan Academy Video/lesson on adding and subtracting negative numbers

-literature/history read aloud

-piano practice

-using a writing handbook, pre wrote the setting and plot to an imaginative story

-drew pictures (right now it's fashion illustrations from a book we checked out from the library)

-played pretend with big sister (since watching Liberty's kids on Netflix and going on a a field trip to a local historical home, their play centers around the time of the American Revolution these days)

-sang karaoke with friends

-watched a documentary on Pompeii

-played, played, played

-baked some more cookies with big sister to share with friends coming to dinner

 

Both dd's have begun to keep a journal of the things they'd like to get accomplished during the day. Today, they came up with their own schedules and the grew in excitement over the possibilities. All I asked was that we review the list together and I told them that I would be checking in periodically to offer help and keep them accountable. They were motivated from the word go and eager to accomplish the goals they'd set for themselves.

 

On another day, I don't think I'd have the courage to be ok with this. It took everything I had to let go of the control, schedules, box checking, but for the sake of sanity, I was willing to give it a shot. We'll see what happens.

 

I know it's not easy. In our case, putting our girls in back into the school system will do more harm than good. For others, it may not be the case. In the end, it seems you will make the right choice for you and your family, whatever that may be.

 

Wishing you peace in your decision.

[jhschool]

Here is a possible solution:

 

Some of my friends do something called "Unschooling."

The mom doesn't teach anything formally. She gets cool books

and "leaves them around for the kids to find." There is no TV

or video games at their house, so the kids eventually do pick

up all sorts of things she puts out for them. She'll play Geography

board games with them.

They do go to the library several times a week and the kids read

tons. The older one reads to the littler ones who can't read as well

or as fast.

But the mom doesn't "teach." They learn by themselves.

The oldest is very intelligent.

They all play an instrument except for the baby. The mom has

5 kids.

Anyway, this wouldn't work for me right now but you may want to

try "Unschooling." That would eliminate the struggles.

 

Your daughter sounds very bright and she will probably learn tons

from just reading and playing. Just give her books she likes or

take her to the library to pick out her own books.

She's only 7 and you won't do any harm by Unschooling her for

just 1 year.

 

Challenge her and tell her you'll see how much she learns by

herself by the end of the semester.

 

Also, how about videos? I know they're frowned upon in The Well-Trained

Mind but we love History Documentaries! Those could be quite good

for her.

If you use computers you could sign up for Aleks, the Math curriculum.

It is $20 a month and several of my friends use it.

 

Bottom line, if you don't want to send her to school, don't do it!!!

It's OK to lose it, but if you don't really want to do it, don't feel that

you have to go through with it.

All you have to tell the school is "We changed our minds--sorry for

the inconvenience."

 

Also, don't feel bad for losing it. We all do.

Tell your daughter she's a good kid and you love her.

Give her hugs.

Go to the movies with just her if she likes that.

Go for ice cream with just her, not any other sibs.

That will re-set your relationship.

Just tell her you love her and she is great!

Anyway, this works with my kid!

 

Good Luck and God Bless!

[Hedgehog]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm on my phone right now, but I'll PM you later.

 

H x

[AlmiraGulch]

Oh my....I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. I completely understand and I'm STILL dealing with the same issues with my own daughter at 15.

 

I'll tell you that putting her back in school hasn't helped, although I don't really have a better alternative right now. She still doesn't do the work and it's still a battle. I'm in the heat of trying to repair our relationship now. I truly hope that whatever you decide works for you.

[plansrme]

Please don't shoot me for saying this, but I am going to pass along something I learned from a class we took on the Ezzos' book--this was before I knew they were crazy, though I wasn't far into the class before I had my suspicions. Anyway, for what it is worth, they do talk about something we observed in our oldest daughter and that we have since observed in the oldest children, all girls, of many of our friends: the child's coming to the opinion that she is master of her own domain, or something like that. It essentially appears as the child's deciding that she is in charge, and it is stressful to be in charge.

 

We followed their suggestion, which was to take away all of our daughter's choices for a while. We picked her snacks, what she wore, we structured her free time, etc. Id she had been homeschooled at the time, all conversations about what she likes and does nor like would have ceased. I also started babying her a bit--buckling her in, not having her help with dinner, playing non-competitive games with her (no Old Maid or Memory, for example), in favor of blocks or pretend play. Anyway, all that to say that I soon had my daughter back, happy and content, and a joy to be around.

As I said above, I have seen this in friends, particularly with their oldest when they are girls: the oldest becomes almost a third adult in the home. She identifies with the parents, not with the other children. I think this leads to stressed-out, bratty kids. A 7 year old is not old enough to be asked whether she wants to be homeschooled or go to regular school, or what curriculum she wants to use. It is too much responsibility for her, as then every bad day becomes her fault. I would suggest that you just try taking complete charge of her day for a while and see if you get your happy girl back.

 

And try to forget that any part of this suggestion came from the Crazy Ezzos!

 

Terri

[GypsieFamily]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Sounds like you've got my kids over there. Would a break for a bit help?

[Joyofsixreboot]

This may not be popular but I would put her in until the end of first semester. Maybe some space will help? You do run the risk she'll like it though.

[jennsmile]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have found with my children, workboxes with their work in it to provide stucture and a timer for 20 minutes. I also need to physically be in the school room with them or they daydream. Be sure to throw in a fun box or 2. We do 6 boxes around here, I know others do more but we do 6 and if they finish early they get an extra break. We also break at an hour.

 

Yes there are days when I would love to send my kids off to school and dh would be all for it. So I have to watch what I say around him. ;)

[....]

She listens and is obedient, but every time I turn my back, she stops working.

 

...this is really normal. :lol: This actually made me laugh IRL. Even my 4th grader (who's an awesome student :coolgleamA:) will do this sometimes. I agree, it is annoying. But, what can ya' do?

 

I am convinced that most kids are incapable of working independently until about 4th grade. A 6 or 7 yro is going to need you to interact with them and teach them directly. Like someone else said, play math games instead of worksheets...etc.

 

 

I found out later this evening that she's been telling older dd that the only subjects she likes are science and history. She's told her that she doesn't like her writing or her math.

 

No kid likes school. :tongue_smilie: But, who cares? My 8 yro would rather be skateboarding or making movies than sitting there with Writing with Ease. All I can say for him is "Bummer, Dude."

 

Is the curriculum you are using above her level developmentally? For example...is the curriculum calling for paragraph writing at age 7 or sitting for long periods of time (when 7 yro's have a very short attention span)?

 

You mentioned that she just sits and does nothing. :confused: If she's not doing schoolwork, doesn't she run off and play? Are you limiting screen time during the day? Is she allowed to drag out some toys into the living room?

 

If I were in your situation, I would spend an hour with that kid first thing in the morning. I would do math, writing and let her do some independent reading. That would be it. If she wants to do a project, paint, play with clay, etc...she could just work on that (and then go play) :tongue_smilie:.

[2squared]

I would definately take a look at what is really neccessary with her and cut things to the bare minimum of the work. Sit with her while she does it. Use the other kids to help with the youngest or do it during nap times. I wished more than anything now I had done LESS book work sitting in the chair stuff and done more fun and active stuff with them when they were younger.

 

:iagree:

 

Although I don't have 5 dc, I would carve out the time she needs to finish her work and seriously sit there with her for that time.

 

:iagree: I have 5 dc, including a 7yo & 3 youngers. I sit one-on-one for my 7yo's schooling. He has about 1 hour of the 3Rs, and most of that 1 hour is interacting with me. The rest is caught through life and read alouds.

 

...this is really normal. :lol: This actually made me laugh IRL. Even my 4th grader (who's an awesome student :coolgleamA:) will do this sometimes. I agree, it is annoying. But, what can ya' do?

 

I am convinced that most kids are incapable of working independently until about 4th grade. A 6 or 7 yro is going to need you to interact with them and teach them directly. Like someone else said, play math games instead of worksheets...etc.

 

If I were in your situation, I would spend an hour with that kid first thing in the morning. I would do math, writing and let her do some independent reading. That would be it. If she wants to do a project, paint, play with clay, etc...she could just work on that (and then go play) :tongue_smilie:.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[love2read]

What did you decide to do? You've already received so many good replies there is little left to add.

:bigear:

[jplain]

No advice, but maybe a speck of hope.

In our house age 8 has a *much* better attitude than age 7 did.

Age 8 is enthusiastic and rarely grumps about schoolwork.

Age 7 was, frankly, a pain in the butt. :)

[Tree House Academy]

I have the same problem and I have thought the same thing about sending him to ps! However, I pull back and remember WHY I chose to homeschool him in the first place. And...better than that...I am able to think back on the years that my ds, now 12, DID spend in that exact same public school.

 

I have come to realize that I must sit with my 8 year old the ENTIRE time he does his school work. If you notice...in ps, the teacher doesn't give them an assignment and then leave the room. She is always there, monitoring and overseeing.

 

How about schooling in seperate rooms? Or at the very least, seperate desks. My tables are set up so that my kids can not look at each other at all. That doesn't keep them from fighting, turning around, stopping their work, or insulting each other. However, we have a system in place with "School Store" and marks they lose by bad behavior that helps some with those types of issues.

 

I truly think that what you are going through with your dd is NORMAL for her age.

[Tree House Academy]

I don't want her to go, that's the honest answer. But I equally don't want the daily fight. I guess if she goes to school the daily fight will be over homework :rolleyes: I feel like I can't win some days. :tongue_smilie:

 

Have you ever had a child in ps? I did - he went 4 years to our local public school. Those memories are enough for me to threaten ps, but know in my heart I would NEVER do it (at least not in this state!). If you have never dealt with the ps, then I can see how you *might* think it would be better.

 

Let me say that, during my time working in the ps (when my oldest was in school), I learned that there are LOTS of kids that stare at the wall and do nothing. They get "F"s and the teacher complains a lot and life goes on. No one goes back to teach these kids what they didn't get. No one stops and makes sure she is listening. The, at the end of the year, if she doesn't know enough to go to the next grade...oh well. No Child Left Behind. :glare: Right now, it is one of the hardest things in the world to get the school system to hold a child back due to this law. I worked with kinds in 6th grade that have NO learning disabilities who actually sounded out each word still as they read a book. They were reading Esperanza Rising. Can you imagine? It was painful for me... and the poor kid. There were other kids who were learning disabled in one way or another who actually could not even write their name or a sentence, yet they were in a mainstream classroom and given the same work as the other kids. I once tutored a 6th grader in her ABCs. But...NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND! :glare::glare::glare: (Ask me if I think NCLB is a good idea? :tongue_smilie:)

[Chris in VA]

Even if you do think that PS might be the best place for her eventually, I would not do it this way, not now, when it will seem to her like you're just "trying to get rid of her." Seven is still soooo little, and I'd be really afraid that she would think you're sending her away — and just her, not the other kids — because you don't like her or want to be around her. Obviously that's NOT how you feel, but if I were seven and my mom blew up and sent me away that's how I'd feel.

 

I agree with Correleno here.

 

I also agree with this part of this post by plansrme:

 

A 7 year old is not old enough to be asked whether she wants to be homeschooled or go to regular school, or what curriculum she wants to use

 

and this part:

 

It is too much responsibility for her, as then every bad day becomes her fault.

 

Please keep her home. You don't want her to see school as punishment. And--this isn't meant to be harsh, but--Stop trying to please her and stop reacting to her moods with negativity. I find myself doing something similar and have had to work hard to separate my feelings from those of my kids. You can be the calm, mature adult who says to the upset/whiney/immature kid that it is ok to be a child. She's just being seven.

 

She doesn't see her sibling as your equal, which is why she needs you to interact with her throughout her school day--sitting beside her sib is essentially sitting alone to her.

 

I'd ease off expectations at the moment. She's just seven. (I'd also tie her writing to her history and science, for a practical suggestion. A couple of narrations a week is fine.)

 

Sorry it's so hard. :grouphug:

[Jen500]

I would go ahead and put her in ps at least until the end of winter break as a pp suggested.

 

You have posted many previous frustrations and maybe you can turn this into a positive experience for your dd. Don't present it to her as a punishment or a mom-is-at-the-end-of-her-rope action. Present it as something new to try that she may like, or may not. What is the worst thing that can happen? Ps doesn't work out and you can go back to homeschooling her.

:grouphug:

[Sara R]

Who knows? Maybe PS will help. I was at nearly the same point with my then-7-year-old. I really believed homeschooling was best for her, so I never marched to the public school. Then I got cancer. My parents pressured me to put the kids into school. I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, but I wasn't willing to unschool, and I felt it best that the kids got a break from the mom-is-sick drama.

 

To my surprise, they did very well there. My struggling-to-read 2nd grader improved in her reading. My kindergartener went from sounding out cvc words to reading chapter books by spring break. I wasn't impressed with the curriculum there, but they spent more hours than I could have on reading, and we still worked with the kids after school. It all helped. The social aspect was good for them. Our relationships improved because I didn't have to be both teacher and mom.

 

Now, I didn't like the public school curriculum over the long-term, but for 2/3 of the school year in those young grades it wasn't a big deal. Luckily that's about the time that core knowledge charter schools came into my area. I was able to get my kids into those. They were able to learn grammar, traditional math, and Spalding phonics. Now they are at a school that teaches Latin. My kids are getting to the point where they are learning things at school that I could not have taught them (and I've got a good well-rounded education). It's kind of an amazing shift. In addition I keep an eye on any subjects they are missing and have addressed them after or before school, or over the summer.

 

If you follow through, do it with a lot of love. Tell her that some kids like homeschooling, and some kids would rather learn with other kids around. Tell her you'll try this for the rest of the year and see what she thinks. Public school doesn't at all mean giving up your motherly role. It just means you are taking off the teacher hat. But make sure she understands and feels that it isn't a punishment. It's just that school is required, one way or the other, and maybe this way will work better for everyone.

 

2nd grade homework varies. Mine had to read 20 minutes a night, occasionally do crazy non-traditional math stuff. There are sometimes annoying projects. Now at the charter school they do 20 minutes of reading and math homework, and occasional projects. Most schools have guidelines of how long homework should take, usually no more than 10 minutes per grade. If it's taking longer despite your daughter's best efforts, talk to the teacher and see if you can adjust things.

[Cera]

The best thing I have done in a long time was sign my 2nd grader up for public school. It has done wonders for our relationship to have the separation. I fill in the gaps when I can but it is second grade and missing a few things here and there won't ruin her. Maintaining our relationship was much more important.

 

There is always the possibility that she will return to homeschooling but it may just be that for this kid going out to school is a better fit overall.

[plain jane]

Thanks for all replies, everyone.

 

I have not made a decision yet. I tried talking to dh about it but he does not have strong feelings either way. He keeps saying that if I want to homeschool he supports me 100%, but he also says that him and I both went to PS and we turned out ok so it's fine to send her too. :willy_nilly: I think it's a cop-out answer :glare: but at the same time I think he knows I'm not going to be happy unless it's my decision- not something I'm being forced into.

 

Dd went to bed crying about going and woke up this morning all excited to go. She's now decided school will be lots of fun and wants to go.

 

I feel like I should follow through with what I said. I blew it but then, going back on something I've said will make me lose all credibility.

 

I've totally ruined things. I feel so terrible. The baby has been really sick for the last week and I've been getting 3 hours of sleep per night. I know that really played in to how things went down yesterday.

 

I over reacted, I made a poor decision. I just blew it.

 

I know I've posted a lot about my struggles here. Honestly, it's because I know that there are others who have BTDT. I don't post a lot of the good stuff so it looks like our lives are all negative and stress and turmoil. It's not the case.

 

But yup, this was definitely one of the bad hi-lights. :crying:

 

I'll have a talk with her today and go from there. I was up all night with my 3yo this time so I'm thinking a nice day of history crafts is in order while I try and sort through everything.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:That sounds rough, but (imo) a 7 y/old is way to young to be placed in charge of her education one way or the other.:grouphug:

 

 

In a ps or hs, she may need eyes on her with constant supervision and encouragement to keep on task for her lessons. It's hard, but moms often need eyes in the back of their heads.

 

Now really, she is young and could easily with supervision get her lessons done in a short time. If she does go to a ps, you will need to be involved with keeping her motivated and working in other ways. In all honesty, I wouldn't want ps to be a punishment...especially for one so young.

 

You had a bad day, everyone does. Search your heart and find the right solution either way.:grouphug:

[jplain]

I feel like I should follow through with what I said. I blew it but then, going back on something I've said will make me lose all credibility.

I completely disagree. Parents are allowed to make mistakes.

If you don't feel good about sending her to school, don't do it.

 

It is perfectly reasonable, perfectly adult, for you to have this conversation with her today:

 

"Yesterday, I messed up. I was upset, and I said something I didn't really mean. And today, I need to take back what I said and also apologize to you for losing my temper. Your dad and I will not be sending you to school. I believe homeschooling is the best choice, and here's why. (Fill in the blank.)"

 

"But it is true that we've been having a tough time lately. Let's talk about how we can make homeschooling work better for both you and I." (Get out a piece of paper, start brainstorming, accept all ideas, even silly ones, then focus in on some workable compromises.)

 

If at all possible, I'd try to have this conversation while you're having some one-on-one time with her. Can you leave the other kids with a friend for a half hour while you and DD go out for hot chocolate? I know that may be completely unrealistic, as obviously you'll want to clarify the issue asap. But even if the first part of the conversation happens at home, it might be nice to go out this evening to a coffee shop to do some brainstorming together.

[plain jane]

:grouphug:That sounds rough, but (imo) a 7 y/old is way to young to be placed in charge of her education one way or the other.:grouphug:

 

 

In a ps or hs, she may need eyes on her with constant supervision and encouragement to keep on task for her lessons. It's hard, but moms often need eyes in the back of their heads.

 

Now really, she is young and could easily with supervision get her lessons done in a short time. If she does go to a ps, you will need to be involved with keeping her motivated and working in other ways. In all honesty, I wouldn't want ps to be a punishment...especially for one so young.

 

You had a bad day, everyone does. Search your heart and find the right solution either way.:grouphug:

 

You know, I didn't want it to be a punishment either. Honestly. :) We have talked before about how school isn't a punishment but that she has to work somewhere. It is my duty as her parent to see that she is getting an education, whether that be at home or at a B&M school.

 

I know it came out as punishment, but I did talk to her yesterday before we went, that she needed to do her work somewhere. That I had hoped it would be at home but if she needs a different environment then so be it.

 

I don't mean to put her in charge of her education. I don't leave her sitting for hours on end at the table. I do have to leave to change a diaper or grab something for one of the other littles or what not. It's just how it is. I try to be there as much as possible as I know she's young to work on her own.

 

As far as her making decisions, well, I won't let her choose everythign she does in school but I do think that perhaps giving her a choice would go a long way. Would you like to write a ___ type of paragraph today or do a journal entry. Should we do these pages in math or play a few games. That sort of thing. I have the ability to change things up if she's not liking what she's doing. She just never told me she didn't like it. :001_huh: