s/o: How much do you care about modesty?

[Julie Smith]

:grouphug: The first one I had told me go out and buy myself an ice cream - and by the way many in my family had probably been abused. I think she thought both things would make me feel better.:confused:

 

Some are wackos. My therapists supposedly specialized in sexual abuse. But she kept saying things such as, "REALLY!" and having a facial expression that was a mixture of "I'm constipated" and shock.

 

I would happily go into therapy, if I could be guaranteed a good one.

[Tarreymere]

I wear a swimdress with a long sleeve bike shirt underneath, and bike shorts. Modest? Well, I don't want to look at yours and I don't want you looking at mine. But, mostly it is because I have had several surgeries for skin cancer and would rather avoid more. DD wears board shorts or boy's trunks and a rashguard because there is a genetic component to this very early skin cancer and because I don't think prepubescent girls ought to try to look sexy. If she decided to swim competitively (and indoors) she would dress differently. DS dresses the same outdoors as his sister. We just don't show much bare skin outdoors because of the health risks.

 

But, I do think it is trashy for people to dress in skin tight clothes and display a lot of bare skin. I really would rather not be forced to look at other people, male or female, as sexual objects. Most people who think they look good that way are actually not as attractive as they would like to think, and I would rather not look at all of that, thank you. It isn't just about girls. I don't want to see a male dressed provacatively either unless it is Hugh Jackman or David Tennant.

 

I dress modestly so I don't offend others with my notions of misplaced sexiness and I prefer not to be offended by anyone else. I do not want to see your butt, and I don't want to see the rest of you either and I don't care what gender you are I would prefer to relate to you as a human being and not just your sexuality.

[texasmama]

The bad therapist stories are making my head hurt.

 

:grouphug: to the victims of bad therapy. Not all of us are like that. I've had my share of weird therapists, as well. My current one is a great fit for me, though, as well as close by and inexpensive. I feel like I've won the lottery with finding her.

[LibraryLover]

 

I don't want to see a male dressed provacatively either unless it is Hugh Jackman or David Tennant.

 

 

 

 

Now I am sure you are going to hell. :D Lusting in your mind? We shall have none of this!

[YLVD]

I respectfully disagree with masturbation and/or porn being the root cause of those issues.

 

:iagree:

 

Those things are not the root of the problems.

[YLVD]

The bad therapist stories are making my head hurt.

 

:grouphug: to the victims of bad therapy. Not all of us are like that. I've had my share of weird therapists, as well. My current one is a great fit for me, though, as well as close by and inexpensive. I feel like I've won the lottery with finding her.

 

I had an experience with a bad therapist years ago.

 

My current therapist has changed my life in so many amazing ways. I can't thank or appreciate him enough!

[YLVD]

Umm I did not know how to masturbate to climax until many years into my marriage. I know many women who have a hard time figuring out how to have an orgasm.

 

That's why it's good to masturbate! :D Practice makes perfect!

 

I think that it's good to figure out what makes you tick, and then teach your partner or spouse!

[dakarimom5]

For us, its exactly the opposite of anti-woman.

 

I want my kids to know that women don't have to dress as s*x objects to be noticed. How many of us tell our kids its whats inside that counts?

 

To me, dressing like a piece of meat on the menu is devaluing women, not dressing so that your bits are covered.

 

:iagree: The 4 "B's" have to be covered at all times...bra straps, b@@bs, bottoms and bellies. This makes me crazy when DSD comes over and everything her mom buys her is trashy looking.

[YLVD]

:iagree: What a horrible website. If I spent every minute of the day worrying about how I can't bend to tie my shoes, or mindlessly play with my hair, or stretch, or wear anything with any amount of spandex in it, I'd go insane. More importantly, I'd lose all faith in men. The onus is on them to get it together and focus on something other than my breasts, it's not my fault for having them in the first place. If they're going to have impure thoughts and think about me a certain way, that's their problem, not mine. I don't see why it's my responsibility to cater to people who clearly need a hobby.

 

Absolutely!! It's on them!!! :iagree:

 

I have to add that the ladies in this thread are seriously cracking me up!

[I.Dup.]

I agree, that website and the so-called survey is completely ridiculous. Those boys need more hard, physical labor and less time sitting around thinking about all of this.

[Audrey]

I agree, that website and the so-called survey is completely ridiculous. Those boys need more hard, physical labor and less time sitting around thinking about all of this.

 

 

When you focus so much energy on shaming people about their perfectly normal bodies and bodily functions, you raise of bunch of people obssessed with bodies and bodily functions.

 

Getting all bothered by a bikini tie peeking out or a knee showing is pervy, IMO, and that's the boy's fault (or his shame-based upbringing's fault) for having such a warped view of sexuality.

[Dustybug]

Whew. FINALLY finished reading all 21 pages!

 

For us, its exactly the opposite of anti-woman.

 

I want my kids to know that women don't have to dress as s*x objects to be noticed. How many of us tell our kids its whats inside that counts?

 

To me, dressing like a piece of meat on the menu is devaluing women, not dressing so that your bits are covered.

:iagree:

 

In large part, it is about intention -- we think it's extremely important to be honest with ourselves about why we dress a certain way, as well as the kind of attention it will attract from other people. Another consideration that led us to be conscious of modesty is that we feel that our culture is trying to "grow up" children too fast. We also want to instill our children with the confidence that they can be attractive without having to bare skin. I find the sexualizing of young girls more anti-woman than modesty, and I think it's interesting that people get their hackles up about modesty being anti-woman, when it's such a tiny, tiny minority in our country (whereas the sexualization of women is virtually EVERYWHERE).

:iagree:

 

 

I don't view it as anti-women at all! Quite the opposite in fact. I never felt like a woman before when I was wearing mainstream fashions. Now that I am almost all skirts and modest blouses, I feel soooo much more like a woman! Love it.

 

:iagree:

 

I'm not trying to attack your opinion. However, why is the focus always on the females? The focus should be on the men that are looking at women as pieces of meat, yes?

:iagree:It is definitely a two sided issue.

 

Each gender bears responsibility. Everyone is responsible for themselves. No one can "make" anyone feel a certain way, though I have certainly felt humilation or disgust in the past by lewd comments or stares from men. That is a pretty natural reaction, I think. In the end, no person has control over another person's thoughts/fantasies, but I will do my best to leave something to the imagination of others where my kids are concerned.

 

:iagree:

 

Exactly! It's like the special fairy came.

 

Please, I remember my boys as toddlers taking baths and being totally enamored of themselves. "I have this? And it's *attached!* *JOY* and look! It's happy too!...and I can play with it any time I want cause it's mine all mine..."

:lol: I have a 3YO DS and I have encountered this myself. lol

 

Yes, we are concerned with modesty for both of our children (boy and girl) and ourselves, as parents.

 

No, we do not believe expectations of modesty are anti-woman, anti-man, anti-child, or anti-adult. It is simply pro-manners.

 

No, we do not approve of pre-marital sex.

 

No, we do not approve of masturbation, but we also don't see it as the end of the world. If and when it leads to lustful thoughts about those of the opposite sex, it clearly becomes sin according to Scripture (Matthew 5:28).

 

No, we do not approve of porn, EVER. In any fashion. We don't have soft porn in the house (underwear ads, romance novels, etc) either.

 

Yes, we believe our children, by God's grace, are capable of controlling their sexual urges until they are married.

 

:iagree:We don't like the ads with underwear models either and I've even stopped letting "fitness" magazines in because some of them go a tad too far as well.

 

 

Lots of good thoughts on this thread. IMO.

 

We are pretty conservative, but not as conservative as some. The girls and I wear skirts or dresses MOST of the time, but they don't have to be to the ankle. At least knee length is the rule. When we sit down, our skirt should not be halfway up our thigh. We wear shorts on occasion, but they have to be close to the knee. We wear tanktops, but not ones that will show our bra straps. No cleavage, no midriffs. Absolutely no writing on the rear end. No sexual or "enticing" sayings written on shirts. We wear pants on occasion, but nothing skin tight. We wear swimsuits, but only one pieces. We do not allow short skirts even with leggings.

 

The boys must NOT have their underwear hanging out. No skin tight anything. My DH and DS will have their shirts off, but not for "showing off" purposes(i.e. walking around with a button up shirt unbuttoned just so someone can see your abs....or lack thereof. lol) But if it's hot out and they are doing yard work or if they are swimming, no biggie.

[Veritaserum]

When you focus so much energy on shaming people about their perfectly normal bodies and bodily functions, you raise of bunch of people obssessed with bodies and bodily functions.

 

Getting all bothered by a bikini tie peeking out or a knee showing is pervy, IMO.

 

:iagree: Which is why I'm bothered by the hyper focus on covering female bodies "lest men go astray" by seeing that a woman has boobs, a waist, and hips. I refuse to give my dds complexes or shame about their bodies the way my parents did for me and my siblings due to their own discomfort with sexuality.

 

I'm going to focus more on what's classy and attractive rather than focus on what (supposedly) will or will not "cause" a man to think lustful thoughts. I got checked out (repeatedly) by a (single) man in Sunday School today. I was wearing church-appropriate attire. I looked nice, but I wasn't "dressing sexy" or anything. ;) Men look or they don't. Either way, it's up to them. There is nothing wrong with dressing in a way that does not totally obscure the female form. :)

[Crimson Wife]

I haven't read beyond the first page, but wanted to say that I know plenty of secular families who are concerned about modesty for feminist reasons. Girls and women shouldn't have to put their bodies on display for men to ogle. Someone can love her body while still considering it a private thing not for public display.

[jewellsmommy]

:willy_nilly:

Why did I read this???!!

 

 

Here's a 21yos response to "Is seeing a girl take off her pullover a stumbling block?"

 

"Get a zip-up hoodie. They're all over the place, and comfy as all get out."

 

I'm so bugged out, and my husband is upstairs laughing! :glare:

 

ETA: I don't feel my ideas of modesty are anti woman at all. I think common sense is a good place for us all to start, then beyond that it's for each person to decide. Too many cultures and lifestyles to try to boss around.. :)

 

 

 

My dh told me to stop driving myself crazy. I kept reading him the responses :glare:. We are Christian and conservative, but that survey site is way over the top and makes me mad.

 

We are teaching both dc to respect themselves. Take care in your appearance (neatly groomed), but dress for comfort, environment, and health/safety (as in don't wear a trench coat while out in 100 degree heat just because you like 'the look'.)

 

Dh, myself and both dc wear swimshirts with shoulder coverage and short sleeves when swimming outdoors in the day time.

 

As a general rule, we don't show our tummies because it is just not necessary. We don't put words across our tushies either. We keep pants pulled up, with belt if needed. We don't do mini-shorts and dd loves leggings under her skirts so she can play un-hindered. I do my best to hide the elusive bra strap, but it does get the best of me from time to time. I do not feel the need to repent or apologize to the males in my presence just because a strap escapes the cover of darkness. And if the men think they can do so much better, then let them wear a bra for a couple of days and then tell me what 'a stumbling block' is. :glare:

[Peela]

There is no shame in enjoying beauty in a woman, however she looks, and that womanly beauty is inclusive of, yet not exclusively, sexual. Each woman has their own beauty and I don't care if they show cleavage or their beautiful legs or their figure or their face or lips or fingernails. Beauty and attractiveness is a womanly artform - a form of self expression. Ever seen those beautiful European women in their 50s, 60s and 70s? Gorgeous, sexual, beautiful women. Honestly, I think Americans have these 2 extremes of trashy sexuality and prudish conservatism- it doesn't have to be one or the other and the argument of a young woman selling herself if she shows herself as a sexual being is a part of the extremist mentality- either severe repression or it's inevitable opposite, demeaning, soulless expression . It's possible to be beautiful, sexy AND classy at any age- after childhood, and it doesn't have to be a problem or a sign of moral depravity.

 

I don't have a problem with pre-marital sex, nudity, masturbation......I am not so keen on porn because of its addictive nature and it's demeaning of women. And I do not like the premature sexualising of children, at all- in fact I feel very strongly about that.

[Orthodox6]

If modesty is a concern for your family is it mostly due to religious reasons?

 

 

For members of our faith group, religion and life cannot be separated; we have a way of life, not an add-on activity called "our religion." So, yes, religion explains both our adherence to modesty and everything else we do.

 

I am not ignoring that the definition of "modesty" varies from culture-to-culture.

 

In a spin-off, of sorts, I'm going to note that the concept of modesty includes behaviour just as much as it includes apparel.

Edited July 18, 2011 by Orthodox6

[Joyofsixreboot]

..... It's possible to be beautiful, sexy AND classy at any age- after childhood, and it doesn't have to be a problem or a sign of moral depravity.

 

I don't have a problem with pre-marital sex, nudity, masturbation......I am not so keen on porn because of its addictive nature and it's demeaning of women. And I do not like the premature sexualising of children, at all- in fact I feel very strongly about that.

 

That about sums it up. And I am a pretty conservative type. My issues with modesty are kids 4 or 5 (boys and girls) dressed and coiffed by their parents to look 25.

[kolamum]

I prefer modesty, but I don't have issues with girls wearing tutus and being ballerinas. That said I have HUGE issues with a niece's "alternative" dance class where she's taught to shake her rump and gyrate her hips at the ripe old age of 8. :glare:

 

Why do I have an issue with short shorts, tight jeans, and low cut shirts? Because I'm the mother of boys. I don't think boys need that kinda temptation thrown at them and then slapped with the unfathomable amount of dribble from parents who think boys are bad.

 

My theory has always been "cover your girls up and boys wouldn't be tempted" that said at times it could go in reverse.

 

My eldest is highly embarrassed by girls who patrol the beach in their skimpy two piece suits. In the day and age of skin cancer I'm shocked to see it and equally embarrassed for him, and super grateful we have our own private strip of beach to play on where my kids don't have to see that. Or my husband for that matter.

 

I'm constantly annoyed with 4 teen nieces who parade through our home in skin tight jeans, shirts that barely cover their midriff and tops they often have to pull up to cover their chests if they bend over. Oddly enough, their parents will not permit them to wear anything with words on the bum.. Good on them, but honestly i'd prefer they wore normal fitting clothes in my house. That's me. Call me old fashioned, call me a prude. I've heard it all. ;) I don't really care. :lol: I am what I am is the old saying, right?

 

To a certain degree, I think modesty is also about self respect. Then again, the other side of the table argues it based on the fact that those who feel that way lack confidence. I can see that too, but I gotta say I really miss the days when girls AND boys covered their bodies. :D

[snickelfritz]

I'm enjoying this thread and getting some good phrases to use with my dd's.

 

We don't have hard and fast rules like "no two pieces.". (In fact, older dd has my long torso, which makes 2-pieces the more modest choice......and they are MUCH better for bathroom stops)

 

But, it's the difference between the two-piece top cut like a string bikini (triangles and all, ties on the side) or the two piece top with ruffles and peace signs that's cut more like a cropped tankini. One is little girl cute and one looks like it was styled for a 25 year old. Any man who looks at an 8 year old wearing any type of bathing suit and thinks pervy thoughts is still a pervert and probably isn't deterred by making the suit a 1 piece. But, why try to make an 8 year old look like she's 25?

 

 

Side note: I think this ties in with the "skinny" obsession and body image issues girls face. But, this thread doesn't need any more digressions.:tongue_smilie:

[LaxMom]

 

To a certain degree, I think modesty is also about self respect. Then again, the other side of the table argues it based on the fact that those who feel that way lack confidence. I can see that too, but I gotta say I really miss the days when girls AND boys covered their bodies. :D

 

Me, too. Our policy is to wear well-fitting clothing appropriate to the activity. As Impish said, I don't want to see anyone's "bits" hanging out.

 

I'm tired of seeing words on bottoms, tween cleavage and the undergarment wardrobe of boys/men (because their pants are belted just under their tuchas).

 

We wear bathing suits at the beach. We wear workout clothes to work out. My daughter wears tank tops and short skirts with wildly decorative compression shorts under them when it's hot, the boys run around the back yard topless.

 

And I am not particularly intentional about modesty. I think people can think whatever evil thoughts they think without input from me or mine. I just think going around in a way that is inappropriate for what you're doing, and that makes people uncomfortable, is tacky.

[WishboneDawn]

I think we've lost the distinction between modesty and prudishness. When, in the interest of modesty, women are being restricted from activities and from freely choosing what they wear and the prime concern is what the men around them might think rather then instilling a sense of respect of self in girls so they'll dress modestly, then we're talking prudishness and we've stepped firmly (if we're talking a Christian context) into sin.

 

To me, modesty doesn't negate a a woman's sexuality or the beauty of the female form. Prudishness does and I think a LOT of what we see that claims to be modesty is actually prudishness these days.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I don't think there is anything wrong with the human body, and I don't have any particular desire to cover it up. However, I think some of the clothes that are marketed to young girls are provocative and designed to make them appear to be sex objects. That bothers me.

[Ipsey]

Haven't read everything, but wanted to post a couple of links. Religion makes lots of claims about masturbation--mostly how bad it is and how "not to do it". I keep thinking religion is going to "grow out of it" but it hasn't yet. I've been amazed to see these:

 

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/daily/sexuality/overcoming_masturbation.html

 

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/06/the_cult_of_the_orgasm.html

 

 

I'm so distressed about how religion "criminalizes" masturbation in ways like this. Harmful. Most people masturbate "to climax" (as someone is repeating) at some time in their lives. With delayed marriage, many more unmarried people are masturbating solely, for longer stretches of their lives. People have natural physical desires. If they are not taken care of, they affect sleep. They affect prostate health. Orgasms for women can alleviate menstrual cramps.

 

Some people have issues with masturbation. Some people have issues with over-eating. Some people have issues with sex. Eating and sex are not wrong in and of themselves. Neither is masturbation.

[twoforjoy]

Modesty is important to me, but I understand it differently than a lot of other people here. I don't see modesty as about how much skin is shown or about not dressing "sexy". To me, it's about not placing undue value on or drawing undue attention to one's appearance. And, that is important to me. I don't want my children dressing in ways that are designed to get others to focus on how they look. I don't want my children dressing in ways designed to impress others with how stylish or expensive their clothes are. I don't want them putting the focus on external appearance like that. I want them to dress in ways that are respectful of themselves and of others, and reasonably appropriate for the occasion.

 

So, to me, wearing a prairie jumper is not, in most situations, modest. It's calling attention to itself, and basically saying, "Hey, look at me! Look at how modest and godly I am!" Wearing hot pants and a tube top isn't modest, either, because it's also drawing undue attention to the wearer, and saying, "Hey, look at me! Look how sexy I am!" I don't think either one of those is modest or appropriate most of the time. To me, modesty is more about an attitude of not looking to have your clothes impress others (either with how sexy you are OR how godly you are, or how wealthy you are, etc.), but instead dressing in a way that doesn't draw attention to your appearance and lets your internal qualities be the focus.

 

Now, those are things that matter to me in how I dress, and that will matter to me in the long run with my kids. But, I don't expect that every outfit they choose when they are teens will be something I'd like. As long as they aren't dressing in a way that is truly disrespectful of others or disruptive to a situation (again, like wanting to wear hot pants to school), I'm not going to push it. I'd just hope that in time they'll come to share the belief that they shouldn't use their clothing to impress others or get attention.

[twoforjoy]

By that same argument Muslim women living in this country who wear a head covering might not be modest.

 

I guess I'd see that as different. They aren't doing it to be showy. Most of the Muslim women I know dress in ways that are both appropriate to their religious convictions and fit in with how other people around them are dressing.

 

I know, I'm just taking what you are saying a little too far. Some women might feel comfortable in a denim jumper so I wouldn't necessarily pick on them for that.

 

That's true. I'd say that attitude matters. Wearing a denim jumper because you are comfortable is one thing; wearing it because you want to show off how godly and modest you are is another. That's kind of what it comes down to for me, why somebody is wearing what they are wearing and what kind of emphasis they are putting on their external appearance.

[Soror]

We are relatively modest here. We are not skirt/dress only but I prefer dresses for me past the knees and no cleavage. My dd does wear swimsuits and I prefer them 1 piece or not showing the belly. Ds generally wears a rashguard now. I prefer board shorts and top. It is a religious thing but more I think of what I want others to think of me. I don't want to be showing off my body parts, I do not want others focused on my physical body, period. I was that teen girl who showed off everything and I well remember that feeling of wanting the attention, it wasn't a good kind of attention. I want my daughter to value herself more than to think that she needs that. I am not about being frumpy either. I think showing off skin just looks cheap and trashy, regardless of the age or such. I obviously don't want my son to do that either and I don't want him to evaluate women based on their looks.

 

I don't want my kids to judgemental little twerps either. One should keep their opinion to themselves. I just want them to worry about the image- thoughts etc that they project, not just with clothing but action and attittude as well.

[Daisy]

For members of our faith group, religion and life cannot be separated; we have a way of life, not an add-on activity called "our religion." So, yes, religion explains both our adherence to modesty and everything else we do.

 

I am not ignoring that the definition of "modesty" varies from culture-to-culture.

 

In a spin-off, of sorts, I'm going to note that the concept of modesty includes behaviour just as much as it includes apparel.

 

:iagree:

[twoforjoy]

What's modest about a denim jumper anyway? :lol: I have an aunt who converted to some religion (don't even know what it is) where one is required to wear skirts (and heck maybe even denim jumpers because that is all she wears). How did that become the uniform?

 

Yeah, I'm not sure what's so modest about it, either. I think the whole point is that there are certain associations that go with it--being uber-religious, being "modest," being feminine in a very traditionalist way--that people either want others to think about them and so they wear it, or don't want people to think about them and so wouldn't touch one with a ten-foot pole.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Yes, it matters to us. I do think, though, modesty is one of those things that is relative to the family. Some people find long skirts and loose shirts to be most. Some people find something just above the knee to be their limit. We don't do spaghetti straps, short shorts, too short skirts, strapless shirts. Dd has found a huge ability to work within those limits and dresses so cute!!

 

I find many immodest, body-showing things to be more anti-woman than the other. Anything that takes someone's eyes off the face and makes the woman's body an object is anti-woman.

[mommaduck]

For members of our faith group, religion and life cannot be separated; we have a way of life, not an add-on activity called "our religion." So, yes, religion explains both our adherence to modesty and everything else we do.

 

I am not ignoring that the definition of "modesty" varies from culture-to-culture.

 

In a spin-off, of sorts, I'm going to note that the concept of modesty includes behaviour just as much as it includes apparel.

 

Well spoken. I still wear skirts. My daughters now wear pants and shorts as well as skirts. We teach modesty, but teach them to not be legalistic (context, not judging others, etc). There is legalism, there is modesty, and there is flaunting it. We like the middle ground ;)

[Cassy]

Well, I dressed decidedly immodestly when I was a teen and twenty-something. I can remember my mother being very amused when I asked her whether a particular outfit was 'outrageous' enough. However, when I look at some young things nowadays, and yes, even those 10 and under, they seem to be dressed in a overly provocative manner that makes me worried for them. Or maybe it's just a sign of middle age, and I'm holding young girls today to higher standards than I followed myself :D. I do also think that society's standards have changed since my youth, becoming less permissive, more puritanical.

 

Cassy

[mommaduck]

What's modest about a denim jumper anyway? :lol: I have an aunt who converted to some religion (don't even know what it is) where one is required to wear skirts (and heck maybe even denim jumpers because that is all she wears). How did that become the uniform?

 

When I wore denim jumpers a lot it was like blue jeans to me. Good material for everyday work and wear. I left the pretty stuff for church, going out, etc.

[jenangelcat]

I think the modesty movement is ultimately anti-woman. Posts about not being able to do ballet or sports due to modesty concerns illustrate this.

 

I agree. Also, although men are often cited as the reason women are not equal citizens, I think women are just as often to blame for keeping other women down.

[HRAAB]

For members of our faith group, religion and life cannot be separated; we have a way of life, not an add-on activity called "our religion." So, yes, religion explains both our adherence to modesty and everything else we do.

 

I am not ignoring that the definition of "modesty" varies from culture-to-culture.

 

In a spin-off, of sorts, I'm going to note that the concept of modesty includes behaviour just as much as it includes apparel.

 

I absolutely agree with the bolded part.

[Stacie Leigh]

I think the modesty movement is ultimately anti-woman. Posts about not being able to do ballet or sports due to modesty concerns illustrate this.

 

This post bums me out. There is a sect that wants women to be hidden and silent and such, but to lump in those who value modesty is a mistake, I think.

 

I teach my daughters (and all of my children) about modesty because I want them to value themselves, not because I harbor anti-woman sentiments! They are precious... every part of them and I want them to realize that when they dress so that they protect what's theirs and don't give away pieces for free to anyone who has eyes.

 

I don't want them to be loved or appreciated for how much of their bodies they show and how good those parts look and I'm sorry, but in this society, that is a reality, especially when they enter the dating age.

 

I want them to care about themselves enough to be modest.

 

Modesty is important to us, but my DD participates in ballet, tap, etc... Now, we won't be doing any wriggling around with a feather boa, but she loves ballet and tap.

 

My girls wear normal bathing suits (Granted, they are 2 and 4) and so do I, but bra and panty (or less) style bikinis are out here. (And honestly, after a trip to a water park on Friday, I'm pretty sure only about 3% of the population actually looks good in a bikini, lol! You have to be perfectly proportioned and the super skinny girls looked as bad in them as the chubby ones.)

 

The girls wear shorts and tank tops... and so do I. All in an age appropriate way. (I stick with bermudas thanks to my cellulite, lol.) There are some basic principles that can be applied without having a million legalistic rules. We don't show cleavage or wear things that are suggestive in nature. No booty shorts or midriffs... just basically, use some discretion and be the one to take responsibility and care for yourself.

Edited July 18, 2011 by Stacie Leigh

[Crimson Wife]

So, to me, wearing a prairie jumper is not, in most situations, modest. It's calling attention to itself, and basically saying, "Hey, look at me! Look at how modest and godly I am!"

 

This is why I have decided not to wear a headcovering to Mass. I've prayed about it, but I cannot honestly be sure that I'd be wearing it for the right reasons. God would know and until I feel confident He would approve of the purity of my motivations, I'm not going to take the plunge.

[Wabi Sabi]

Okay, a question for those of you who feel as though dressing in any way that draws attention to oneself is immodest: if a woman was to wear a gorgeous, classy, vintage inspired June Cleaver-esque dress that meets all requirements in length, neckline, etc would you consider that immodest due to the fact that the dress would stand out and attract attention?

[Paige]

Okay, a question for those of you who feel as though dressing in any way that draws attention to oneself is immodest: if a woman was to wear a gorgeous, classy, vintage inspired June Cleaver-esque dress that meets all requirements in length, neckline, etc would you consider that immodest due to the fact that the dress would stand out and attract attention?

 

I would consider it immodest, but it wouldn't bother me much at all or make me not want to wear it. I'd wear it because I loved it but then be a little embarrassed about the attention. If someone were to wear things like that all the time, then it would either cease to be immodest because her attitude and behavior are modest and then people who know her would get used to it and it wouldn't stand out as much, or it would just get annoying. It would depend on how she presents herself. So..I guess I'm changing my mind. It may be modest or immodest depending on the wearer's attitude, her normal mode of dress, and the dress of those around her.

[Orthodox6]

Not being much of a television watcher, I'm not even sure what you are describing. If you are talking about a plain-vanilla shirtwaist dress, which I what my memory tells me the show's character often wore, who on earth would consider that a "standing out" garment ? :confused:

 

Okay, a question for those of you who feel as though dressing in any way that draws attention to oneself is immodest: if a woman was to wear a gorgeous, classy, vintage inspired June Cleaver-esque dress that meets all requirements in length, neckline, etc would you consider that immodest due to the fact that the dress would stand out and attract attention?

Edited July 18, 2011 by Orthodox6

[Perry]

See this is the problem I have with saying something is not modest simply because it draws attention. Basically some people seem to be saying it is always best to conform. We all have to look similar so as to not draw attention.

I think it's a fine line. I'm pretty non-conformist. I think it's great to have a unique sense of style. But that's different than wearing something that screams "Look at me, everybody!"

 

I wouldn't consider the June Cleaver dress immodest, but if my dd wore it to school it would be obvious that she was doing it for attention, not because she loved the style. So in that case, I would consider it inappropriate. OTOH, if she really liked that style and gravitated towards those kinds of clothes, it would be fine, because she'd be doing it because it made her happy, not wearing it for shock value.

 

It's more than the clothes, it's the purpose.

[Perry]

Not being much of a television watcher, I'm not even sure what you are describing. If you are talking about a plain-vanilla shirtwaist dress, which I what my memory tells me the show's character often wore, who on earth would consider that a "standing out" garment ? :confused:

 

If a teenage girl who normally didn't wear clothes like that wore it to school, it would stand out.

 

If someone wore clothes like that every day, it would look perfectly normal.

 

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

If a teenage girl who normally didn't wear clothes like that wore it to school, it would stand out.

 

If someone wore clothes like that every day, it would look perfectly normal.

 

 

My dh would find those dresses extremely sexy on me.:tongue_smilie:

[SonshineLearner]

Don't want my kids to hang their b**bs out or let people see their tush. I do care a ton about my children not being gawked at; both of my middle daughters have bodies that have serious shapes. It's very hard to find cute clothes for them, that are what some would consider modest.

[Tawlas]

We're an atheist family, and we are concerned about modesty. In large part, it is about intention -- we think it's extremely important to be honest with ourselves about why we dress a certain way, as well as the kind of attention it will attract from other people. Another consideration that led us to be conscious of modesty is that we feel that our culture is trying to "grow up" children too fast. We also want to instill our children with the confidence that they can be attractive without having to bare skin. I find the sexualizing of young girls more anti-woman than modesty, and I think it's interesting that people get their hackles up about modesty being anti-woman, when it's such a tiny, tiny minority in our country (whereas the sexualization of women is virtually EVERYWHERE).

 

This describes my family to a tee. We're not religious but we do believe in modesty - for both genders. It's respectful to others and to ourselves. Swimsuits are fine, cleavage is not. Knee length shorts for girls (I avoid them) is one thing, daisy dukes on a 12 year old is another thing all together!

I don't know if this is under modesty or anti-consumerism but we also avoid graphics on clothing, giant brand names, commercialized clothing (disney etc). We want to be judged by what we say and do, not what we wear. I guess the fact that we don't wear certain things also projects something, but I'm okay with that particular projection, if you know what I mean?

[Crissy]

I'm not trying to attack your opinion. However, why is the focus always on the females? The focus should be on the men that are looking at women as pieces of meat, yes?

 

I think it depends on the gender of ones children. If I had girls I would focus on teaching them to dress appropriately.

Instead I have boys, so I teach them to dress appropriately and to avoid gawking at girls and women.

[Retired]

Talking teens here:

 

It's only disturbing because you find it shameful. To a person who doesn't see shame in a body's natural response, it's just natural.

 

I grew up with a mother who was huge on shame and it was extremely destructive to my psyche. It took me a long time to work through that. Please, think about how your feelings translate to your child, what you are implanting in them and how it will affect their marriage.

 

I don't know which conversation to jump in but for the masturbation and no premarital sex, and super conservative it messed me up big time.

 

It took me years to enjoy sex fully the way God intended and to get over all my "legalistic" upbringing. I didn't achieve a "o" until I was 29 yo. Its just sad.

 

I still struggle with "legalism" with my clothes. This weekend I went shopping for dresses for church. I would try on the same type dresses that the other women wore to church but I would feel to immodest although I was covered from neck to knee cause the dress while not tight showed I had curves. I finally took my DH with me and he thought the dresses where great. I still see my body as some type of "come on" cause of the way I was raised and I am 41 yo.

 

I have nice curves at my age (35 - 27 -35) and 5' 3 and its OK if someone notice them and its up to them if they "lust" or not

http://www.belk.com/AST/Boutiques/Boutiques_Primary/ND_New_Directions/Women/Shop/Dresses/PRD~1500304ND1M3728/ND+New+Directions+Ruffle+Front+Shirt+Dress.jsp?off=14

 

But when I see the model it looks conservative but on me it feels sexy cause of my "baggage"

 

I would never want my boys to be so "screwed up"

[twoforjoy]

Okay, a question for those of you who feel as though dressing in any way that draws attention to oneself is immodest: if a woman was to wear a gorgeous, classy, vintage inspired June Cleaver-esque dress that meets all requirements in length, neckline, etc would you consider that immodest due to the fact that the dress would stand out and attract attention?

 

Well, I don't think there ARE any "requirements" involving length or neckline. That's all culturally specific, which is the point. I don't think it's immodest to wear a bathing suit to the beach, for example. Of course not. You're going to draw far more attention to yourself if you're wearing a muumuu in that setting. And if you're wearing a muumuu so that everybody on the beach will see how modest you are, then I'd say that's being very immodest. (If you're wearing a muumuu because you are comfy in muumuus and burn easily, then I don't think that's immodest.)

 

But, it would depend on why she was wearing it. If she was wearing it because she felt comfortable in it and loved it, I don't see a problem. If she was wearing it to draw attention to herself and how fashionable/feminine/"modest" she was, then I'd say that was immodest.

 

That's why I don't think there can be hard-and-fast rules in most cases. It comes down to an individual's intentions. I think modesty is really about not putting undue emphasis on physical appearance, and it really is a matter of what's motivating somebody.

 

I will say, too, that personally I'm more bothered by the prospect of my kids wanting to wear expensive designer clothing than I am by them wanting to wear clothing that shows more skin than some people might think is appropriate. That's an aspect of modesty that rarely gets discussed, which is funny since not wearing clothing that flaunts one's wealth seems to be exactly what Paul was talking about. But we seem to think that wearing clothing that flaunts one's wealth is fine, as long as the neckline is high enough.

[sheryl]

I've noticed that the issue of modesty sure does seem to come up often on these boards. Am I really in the minority for just not giving a hoot about modesty? (Within reason of course, you're not going to find my family going about town in leather chaps, g-strings and pasties. :tongue_smilie:) Likewise, I can't say I've heard the issue of modesty come up at all in real life amongst my circle of friends and acquaintances.

 

If modesty is a concern for your family is it mostly due to religious reasons? Are there any non-religious families here who have strong feelings about remaining modest?

 

 

OK, I'll chime in. I homeschool for religious reasons "now". But, I first heard of homeschool at a Bible Study home group I attended almost 30 years ago when we lived in Milwaukee and thought it was just a neat to be able to educate your children in your own home...back then my interest wasn't for religious reasons (even though I was Christian and learned about it one night during my home Bible Study group).

 

Modesty: My dd and I just had another "talk" about girls/boys, emotions, clothing etc. She dresses modestly as I believe it represents Christ better. I'm not ashamed to say that and am fairly certain I'll get slammed for saying it and I'll tell you know............I don't care.

 

Aside from religious reasons/moral convictions, I just believe it's in "bad taste" to flaunt yourself to society. Girls with short tops, low tops, tight tops, strapless tops, sheer fabric tops, shorts that show butt**cks. Boys with their jeans so low you can she the .........! So, my point is, whether believer or not, it's just in bad taste.

[KidsHappen]

So you think it's okay for young boys to get into the habit of masturbating to climax (and this almost always goes hand in hand with porn)? How do you think that will affect their future sex lives with Real women, someday?

 

I, too, find that rebelution site pathetic but I will not be letting my boys have free reign with porn or lusting after girls. I will also find it sad if they get into the habit of masturbating because I know how that has affected so many marriages (mine included).

 

:confused: I don't even understand this. What is wrong with masterbastion? How will it effect their future sex lives and marriages? I am not trying to be snarky. I honestly do not understand. I too am anti-porn but I think most guys can manage just fine without it. Could you perhaps further elaborate on your thought processes?