Joker Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Whoa! Where did we go? For a second I thought we broke it. :D Me too! I saw that LibraryLover had attached a link and then it was lights out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Most of them do not remain reliant on masturbation to fulfill their needs. Yeah I don't know. I only know my experience and what I've heard from so many others. It would be nice if I could figure out where I stand on this, considering I will have 5 teen boys someday (God help me). I will say that my mom was very much a sexual free spirit (borderline nympho) and she made me feel very ashamed, just from her openness and how disgusting I thought she was. She still has the tendency to make everything about sex and talk inappropriately freely about it, and she's in her mid 60's. I don't think the answer is always for the parents to be completely open minded about sex. I don't know what the answer is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 :iagree: For me, modesty is about not trying to attract attention to yourself. Or at least not attempting to be the center of attention, based on dress/appearance. I think it's fine, and totally normal, for girls to want to dress up and look pretty. But when she is attention seeking and trying to be the most noticeable, that to me is immodest. Well said. Obviously they would need to have pretty serious self respect issues to feel the need to do this, in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah I don't know. I only know my experience and what I've heard from so many others. It would be nice if I could figure out where I stand on this, considering I will have 5 teen boys someday (God help me). I will say that my mom was very much a sexual free spirit (borderline nympho) and she made me feel very ashamed, just from her openness and how disgusting I thought she was. She still has the tendency to make everything about sex and talk inappropriately freely about it, and she's in her mid 60's. I don't think the answer is always for the parents to be completely open minded about sex. I don't know what the answer is. Well, I don't freely discuss every thought, act or deed with my kids. I am their parent, not their friend or peer. There is a difference there. Sounds like you and your dh have problems in this area. Have you considered counseling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) I meant romance novels that contain depictions of sex (graphic or not). No ads. We don't get any so it isn't a problem. But if they did come in the mail, I would just throw them away. We are not phobic of them, we just think they are trashy. No one needs to see a picture of someone in underwear before going to the store and buying some. It is completely unnecessary. Where do kilts fall on this spectrum? :D I know someone who has written several rather steamy novels for a huge romance house. I can't look at her sometimes (having read her books) lol :tongue_smilie:She (uses a pen name) is the most mousy & intellectual person you could meet. Quite upstanding etc. You know how smart you have to be to get to the point (sex) and make the getting there interesting & romantic? She has probably added spice to some lives. Edited July 18, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Have you considered counseling? Yes, we have been through counseling. :001_smile: We're doing fine, I didn't mean to make this about me and my dh. Just wanted to point out why some people may feel more strongly against these certain things, that doesn't always mean we're stunted prudes. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 :D Me too! I saw that LibraryLover had attached a link and then it was lights out! I read Chapter 5 in the meanwhile. :001_huh: lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah I don't know. I only know my experience and what I've heard from so many others. It would be nice if I could figure out where I stand on this, considering I will have 5 teen boys someday (God help me). I will say that my mom was very much a sexual free spirit (borderline nympho) and she made me feel very ashamed, just from her openness and how disgusting I thought she was. She still has the tendency to make everything about sex and talk inappropriately freely about it, and she's in her mid 60's. I don't think the answer is always for the parents to be completely open minded about sex. I don't know what the answer is. Was her own mom repressed? I think we all tend to, to some extent, swing to the opposite of our parents' stand on things...particularly where sex is concerned. The trick is to find our own way without simply reacting. Maybe try counseling to help think it through? ETA: I meant individual counselling, for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Maybe try counseling to help think it through? I thought you all could be my counselors. :lol::tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I thought you all could be my counselors. :lol::tongue_smilie: Dr. Hive: Sex therapist Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medstudent Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 That's sad. Everything is wrong. Masturbation is wrong. Sex before marraige is wrong. Thinking about boobs and bums is the work of the devil. We are turning these poor normal boys into guilty sex maniacs with this garbage. Beat it man, just beat it. Get it over with. :iagree: What a horrible website. If I spent every minute of the day worrying about how I can't bend to tie my shoes, or mindlessly play with my hair, or stretch, or wear anything with any amount of spandex in it, I'd go insane. More importantly, I'd lose all faith in men. The onus is on them to get it together and focus on something other than my breasts, it's not my fault for having them in the first place. If they're going to have impure thoughts and think about me a certain way, that's their problem, not mine. I don't see why it's my responsibility to cater to people who clearly need a hobby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I thought you all could be my counselors. :lol::tongue_smilie: You want an instant Netflix link? It's a documentary. About porn. It's called Naked Ambition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 When I was a kid, I mostly heard modesty described as a trait implying someone didn't like to brag. Now it seems to be used with regard to attire. Frankly I wish we could return to the first meaning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I thought you all could be my counselors. :lol::tongue_smilie: Dr. Hive: Sex therapist :smilielol5: :iagree: What a horrible website. If I spent every minute of the day worrying about how I can't bend to tie my shoes, or mindlessly play with my hair, or stretch, or wear anything with any amount of spandex in it, I'd go insane. More importantly, I'd lose all faith in men. The onus is on them to get it together and focus on something other than my breasts, it's not my fault for having them in the first place. If they're going to have impure thoughts and think about me a certain way, that's their problem, not mine. I don't see why it's my responsibility to cater to people who clearly need a hobby. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 re: modesty. We are middle ground. I like to look nice and put together so cheap, trashy bum-crack showing, n!pple-sl!p shirts are out. I also have no desire to be totally covered up from head to toe looking like a frump. re: anti-woman. I actually think it is more insulting to men to think they will be driven into sexual paroxysms by the sight of a collarbone or a bare knee. I think a woman should dress how she feels comfortable. Having said that I do not like words across the bum (if you don't want me looking, don't put a sign there), nor do I like the really "cheap" look I see on alot of teen girls today (leaving nothing to the imagination). re: masturbation - totally normal, healthy and expected from both boys and girls. Learn to pleasure yourself before you expect someone to be able to do it for you. Also, it is beneficial for the prostate. Men should ejacul@te more than 5 times per week for prostate health, and some weeks I just don't feel like doing the deed that many times. re: porn - totally separate from masturbation. I don't see anything wrong with a little porn as long as it is not done secretly. I think it is the secret, the feeling of doing something forbidden and dirty that hooks most people onto porn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Dr. Hive: Sex therapist Well you all are good for so many other things, why not?? :D:tongue_smilie: You want an instant Netflix link? It's a documentary. About porn. It's called Naked Ambition. Is it pro porn? I'm not at a place where I can watch graphic, pro porn things. Would you believe I used to be a stripper? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 blessed, Ah, well, I can see why you would have issues discerning between body privacy and extreme modesty. It's hard finding middle ground. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thanks. Yes it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Well you all are good for so many other things, why not?? :D:tongue_smilie: Is it pro porn? I'm not at a place where I can watch graphic, pro porn things. Would you believe I used to be a stripper? :tongue_smilie: I didn't see it as 'pro', but it does present people in the industry as regular folk and not deviants. I am not sure if that means pro for you. It's on Netflix, so it's not graphic. Although it's not something you watch around kids, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Is it pro porn? I'm not at a place where I can watch graphic, pro porn things. Would you believe I used to be a stripper? :tongue_smilie: Yes, actually, I would. Normally the pendulum swings in the opposite direction before balance is gained. Pron freaks me out and I don't believe it's feminist, so there's my line. So I'm not pro pron, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Well you all are good for so many other things, why not?? :D:tongue_smilie: Is it pro porn? I'm not at a place where I can watch graphic, pro porn things. Would you believe I used to be a stripper? :tongue_smilie: For real? That adds a whole layer of stickiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Well. I never knew so many things were so immodest before this site. I am in the 'don't care' camp, considering the narrow range of what is considered immodest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Well. I never knew so many things were so immodest before this site. I am in the 'don't care' camp, considering the narrow range of what is considered immodest. PS Do not watch SWB's YouTube vids! She is wearing shorts/skort/mini skirt. AND drinking Diet Coke! The devil is in the details! If you've seen her speak at a conference, she also has great shoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 For real? That adds a whole layer of stickiness. Porn is pretty sticky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) If you've seen her speak at a conference, she also has great shoes. Crud. lol I did delete that last line. lol I didn't want to get her in trouble. lol I have never seen her in person, but I can respect good shoes. :D Edited July 23, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yes, actually, I would. Normally the pendulum swings in the opposite direction before balance is gained. You know, I'd never thought about this until you and Mrs. Mungo mentioned it. I think this may be a large part of my problem/neurosis. See, you all are good sex therapists!! And yeah, stickiness probably wasn't the right word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) And yeah, stickiness probably wasn't the right word. No, but it sure was the funny one! :D I meant for Library Lover. Edited July 18, 2011 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Porn is pretty sticky. :lol::lol: Sorry :blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 You know, I'd never thought about this until you and Mrs. Mungo mentioned it. I think this may be a large part of my problem/neurosis. See, you all are good sex therapists!! And yeah, stickiness probably wasn't the right word. I am sorry you have suffered. I didn't mean to make light. I thought this was a separate thread, a new thread. I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 :lol::lol: Sorry :blushing: OK. Thanks. I have some guilt here. I am also conflating my threads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 So before video...people didn't masturbate? Only the farmers, the ones with brown chickens and brown cows. I agree that porn can affect a marriage but not masturbation. They don't have to go hand in hand.:D Well that just made me giggle. I think it's actually safer and give girls more power. Go on a date, get a little hot and know you don't have to follow through, you can come home and be master of your domain. Yes, this information would have been helpful many years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 For us, its exactly the opposite of anti-woman. I want my kids to know that women don't have to dress as s*x objects to be noticed. How many of us tell our kids its whats inside that counts? To me, dressing like a piece of meat on the menu is devaluing women, not dressing so that your bits are covered. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Here, you probably are in the minority, but, thankfully, the majority views on this board in no way represent the majority views in my real life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah I don't know. I only know my experience and what I've heard from so many others. It would be nice if I could figure out where I stand on this, considering I will have 5 teen boys someday (God help me). I will say that my mom was very much a sexual free spirit (borderline nympho) and she made me feel very ashamed, just from her openness and how disgusting I thought she was. She still has the tendency to make everything about sex and talk inappropriately freely about it, and she's in her mid 60's. I don't think the answer is always for the parents to be completely open minded about sex. I don't know what the answer is. Would you believe I used to be a stripper? :tongue_smilie: The two above quotes help me (and others) understand why this issue would be such a difficult one for you.:grouphug: Healing and more clarity on how to handle things with your own kids is possible. I'd suggest counseling for just you to work on the above things. You are honest and insightful. You are an excellent candidate for counseling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlefurfamily Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Only the farmers, the ones with brown chickens and brown cows. :lol::lol::lol: Well that just made me giggle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 People define modesty quite differently, I think. I don't want to see short shorts, cleavage or skin tight "leaves nothing to the imagination" clothing on my teen dd...or myself, for that matter, though at my age this would mostly be scary and not provocative.:tongue_smilie: It bothers me to see teens in skimpy bikinis, mostly because I know that teen boys/men will take home these visual images. I don't want that for my dd or any other young woman. I can't imagine not participating in sports, dance or gymnastics due to modesty, though. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellydon Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 It is very important to me and to many in my homeschooling circle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 You are an excellent candidate for counseling. Would you also believe both of my parents are psychologists? :glare: Little good that did us. Honestly, it would be lovely to find a good counselor. That's harder than it sounds, though. Thank you all for the kind words. :) Back to your regularly scheduled thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 It is very important to me and to many in my homeschooling circle. I draw the line at denim jumpers. Even short ones. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Honestly, it would be lovely to find a good counselor. That's harder than it sounds, though. Thank you all for the kind words. :) Back to your regularly scheduled thread. I can agree to that. I had a therapist that wanted me close my eyes and picture a giant dinosaur stomping on the house belonging to the man who sexual abused me as a child. :glare: - Now you may really go back to your regularly scheduled thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Would you also believe both of my parents are psychologists? :glare: Little good that did us. Honestly, it would be lovely to find a good counselor. That's harder than it sounds, though. Thank you all for the kind words. :) Back to your regularly scheduled thread. Oh dear...so you have issues with therapists, too.:tongue_smilie: I agree it is harder than it sounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Have you seen this site? Over a third of boys felt that swimsuit ties sticking out of the top of your shirt is "a stumbling block." These are the sorts of things that are setting girls up for being responsible for the feelings of boys. It has nothing to do with your specific sons. :willy_nilly: Why did I read this???!! Here's a 21yos response to "Is seeing a girl take off her pullover a stumbling block?" "Get a zip-up hoodie. They're all over the place, and comfy as all get out." I'm so bugged out, and my husband is upstairs laughing! :glare: ETA: I don't feel my ideas of modesty are anti woman at all. I think common sense is a good place for us all to start, then beyond that it's for each person to decide. Too many cultures and lifestyles to try to boss around.. :) Edited July 18, 2011 by helena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Would you also believe both of my parents are psychologists? :glare: Little good that did us. why am I seeing 60's parents? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I draw the line at denim jumpers. Even short ones. :D I once had a short denim jumper. (It was the 90's...does that change anything?):tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Not to mention-- There is nothing wrong with not subjecting some poor bride to your first orgasm. (That can't even be measured in stamina time. Lucky girl. ;) ) LOL :D TMI follows: SO told me once about when he lost his virginity at 18 (long, long before we met). I said 'what, was it like 'thrust, thrust, done'? He said 'You think I got two?!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 :willy_nilly:Why did I read this???!! Here's a 21yos response to "Is seeing a girl take off her pullover a stumbling block?" "Get a zip-up hoodie. They're all over the place, and comfy as all get out." I'm so bugged out, and my husband is upstairs laughing! :glare: Really. All that site proves is that EVERYTHING can be seen the wrong way when one believes the media's campaign that everything is about sex. That site tells us more about the boys than the girls they think they are helping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I once had a short denim jumper. (It was the 90's...does that change anything?):tongue_smilie: Hey I did too, it was way before homeschooling, it was stylish. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I can agree to that. I had a therapist that wanted me close my eyes and picture a giant dinosaur stomping on the house belonging to the man who sexual abused me as a child. :glare: - Now you may really go back to your regularly scheduled thread. :grouphug: The first one I had told me go out and buy myself an ice cream - and by the way many in my family had probably been abused. I think she thought both things would make me feel better.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 :willy_nilly:Why did I read this???!! Apparently nude color nylons are a stumbling block. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hey I did too, it was way before homeschooling, it was stylish. :D Yep, I thought I was awesomely cute in it.:tongue_smilie: I have pictures of me wearing it to a big birthday bash for my oldest dd's first bday party. I was even showin' some leg.;) I gave away my denim overalls some years back because it was the only way I could make myself stop wearing them, and they had totally gone out of style...if they were ever in style.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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