s/o: How much do you care about modesty?

[Joker]

Thank you for saying that.

 

Also, I have found that I don't need to use other people in a negative way (example) to teach my children and pass on my moral values. In fact I think there's another lesson being taught when we hold others up as negative examples, and that could be showing our children to look at others and judge ourselves against them. Not something I want to pass on.

 

:iagree: This is actually what I ended up doing with older dd and didn't realize. Now she's not really comfortable with her body and dresses too modestly (to the point it affects her comfort level). I feel so guilty. I learned a hard lesson and one that won't be repeated with younger dd or anyone else. Older dd is finally starting to hear some of what I'm saying now, as opposed to before, and she's branching out a little. If I could only go back in time and actually hear myself - I'd kick myself.

[Perry]

I sure made plenty of bad decisions when I was younger, but I don't expect people to have respected me for it. Loved me anyway and treated me kindly, yes. Respected me, no. But again, I think we're using the term differently. It doesn't have anything to do with someone's essence or worth, for me.

 

 

I don't consider dressing in a very provocative way to be superficial. To me it reveals much about a girl's feelings of self-worth and self-respect. I feel sad for those girls, and I doubt if they're very happy.

And I am not talking about not treating people with respect. I would always treat a girl with respect, regardless of how I felt about the way she dresses or behaves.

[Perry]

Also, I have found that I don't need to use other people in a negative way (example) to teach my children and pass on my moral values. In fact I think there's another lesson being taught when we hold others up as negative examples, and that could be showing our children to look at others and judge ourselves against them. Not something I want to pass on.

:iagree:

[Lady Florida.]

 

Also, I have found that I don't need to use other people in a negative way (example) to teach my children and pass on my moral values. In fact I think there's another lesson being taught when we hold others up as negative examples, and that could be showing our children to look at others and judge ourselves against them. Not something I want to pass on.

 

:iagree:Well said.

[Natalieclare]

Also, I have found that I don't need to use other people in a negative way (example) to teach my children and pass on my moral values. In fact I think there's another lesson being taught when we hold others up as negative examples, and that could be showing our children to look at others and judge ourselves against them. Not something I want to pass on.

 

:iagree:

 

I'm wondering if my post inspired this post. If I conveyed that we held others up as a negative example, I didn't express myself very well. I grew up with the opposite of that, which is nearly as bad: "why can't you be more like soandso?" So, I've been pretty careful to make our family's way all about being our family's way. I have never pointed a girl out and said, "for goodness sake, don't be like her."

 

*But* there have been times when my kids have wondered (at age 12 when this was all the rage), "What's wrong with daisy dukes and belly shirts? My friend wears them!" And of course, I would answer that different families have different ways of going about things blahblahblah, which satisfied them as far as their friend was concerned but they still wanted to know the basis of my determinations. But honestly, visions of people making a profession of sex/provocativeness lurked at the back of my mind. It's not that I stood there like the Pharisee, saying, "Thank God I am not like Her." Yuk. NO. But I did want to point out what was undergirding my opinions.

 

I think that certain styles are all about "hotness", styles we see in our pop culture where people are making a living off of appearances, where people have sold their bodies in a different way...and I want to convey to my kids that I have different hopes for them. Hopes that their identities would not be formed by movies and magazines and celebrities, hopes that their fashion sense would not be dictated by an industry that is bent on making people feel outdated and outmoded each and every season just so more money can be made. So I guess, maybe, I've held up things in pop culture as negative examples but not individuals. I dunno. I'm going to have to think on this some more.

[Rebel]

Wore this to a party two weeks ago so I guess my answer is, "no, I don't care about modesty." It was a private party and the outfit was appropriate for the theme.

[Dirtroad]

I encourage modesty in moderation. (no buttons to the chin, no skirt to the ankles, no taliban standards or pilgrim styles) But bellies, boobs, behinds, and (at times) shoulders covered. No bra straps showing or bras showing underneath clothes. No underwear higher or lower than shorts/pants. Shoulders covered in church (and in sun/all day exposure) and skirts at the knee. No bikinis (belly covered)

 

The main reason I encourage modesty is a feminist one, but I completely understand the faith reasons and recognize them as good and upright... not sinister or suppressing. If guys are getting a peep show, they aren't hearing a thing you say or seeing a thing you do. And men are visual and will look.

 

I hate "cutie" on the back of shorts. Why are you wanting someone looking at your rear end? Does it help them relate to you understanding of the economic debates? Does it help them realize you are an honor student? Nope... just that you have a cute butt!:glare:

 

My issue is WHY do you want it all to show? Is it 150 degrees and the A/C is out? or do you want the cute guys looking down your top?

[littlebug42]

For us, its exactly the opposite of anti-woman.

 

I want my kids to know that women don't have to dress as s*x objects to be noticed. How many of us tell our kids its whats inside that counts?

 

To me, dressing like a piece of meat on the menu is devaluing women, not dressing so that your bits are covered.

 

 

I agree with this. I am concerned about modesty to the extent that my children wear appropriate clothing. My older daughter is curvy even at 9 so some things that look OK on 7 year old just are too provocative looking on 9 year old. They do wear bathing suits (one piece or tankini only though) and I have no problem with most dance wear although I don't think midriff bearing anything is terribly appropriate on a little girl.

[WagsWife]

This post bums me out. There is a sect that wants women to be hidden and silent and such, but to lump in those who value modesty is a mistake, I think.

 

I teach my daughters (and all of my children) about modesty because I want them to value themselves, not because I harbor anti-woman sentiments! They are precious... every part of them and I want them to realize that when they dress so that they protect what's theirs and don't give away pieces for free to anyone who has eyes.

 

I don't want them to be loved or appreciated for how much of their bodies they show and how good those parts look and I'm sorry, but in this society, that is a reality, especially when they enter the dating age.

 

I want them to care about themselves enough to be modest.

 

Modesty is important to us, but my DD participates in ballet, tap, etc... Now, we won't be doing any wriggling around with a feather boa, but she loves ballet and tap.

 

My girls wear normal bathing suits (Granted, they are 2 and 4) and so do I, but bra and panty (or less) style bikinis are out here. (And honestly, after a trip to a water park on Friday, I'm pretty sure only about 3% of the population actually looks good in a bikini, lol! You have to be perfectly proportioned and the super skinny girls looked as bad in them as the chubby ones.)

 

The girls wear shorts and tank tops... and so do I. All in an age appropriate way. (I stick with bermudas thanks to my cellulite, lol.) There are some basic principles that can be applied without having a million legalistic rules. We don't show cleavage or wear things that are suggestive in nature. No booty shorts or midriffs... just basically, use some discretion and be the one to take responsibility and care for yourself.

 

:iagree:

 

This. Exactly! My girls are 10, 12 and 15...this is how we have raised them. They have swim suits, they wear shorts and tank tops...but there is nothing hanging out...anywhere! If anything, I think letting yourself hang all out is what is "anti-woman."

 

I want my girls to know that they have value...and it is not because they are showing off their breasts, mid-section, or rear end.

[LibraryLover]

Here's the thing. One doesn't get awesome thigh muscles sitting on her ass and wracking up 10k posts in in 3 years. ;) (Not talking about anyone in partic, of course. ;)) That is pretty awesome and hawt.

 

Wore this to a party two weeks ago so I guess my answer is, "no, I don't care about modesty." It was a private party and the outfit was appropriate for the theme.

Edited July 27, 2011 by LibraryLover

[KidsHappen]

:lol:

That's sad. Everything is wrong. Masturbation is wrong. Sex before marraige is wrong. Thinking about boobs and bums is the work of the devil. We are turning these poor normal boys into guilty sex maniacs with this garbage. Beat it man, just beat it. Get it over with.

[annandatje]

What a tight toned bod, Rebel. You look terrific. Wish I could look pleasing in that outfit.

[annandatje]

I agree with original poster in that I have never heard modesty discussed as frequently as here. In fact, I am unable to specifically recall any conversations in real life about modesty.

 

Our general viewpoint is that we dress in a way that is comfortable for us, and we do not voice our opinion on way others dress even if it is against rules or law.

 

Most of my family dresses in ordinary clothing and blends into the crowd, so I guess we are not particularly modest one way or the other.

 

One teen daughter is interested in fashion, so she tends to show a little more skin than the others. Additionally, she has worked as nude model at an art college.

 

Not sure whether sleepwear factors into modesty equation, but I sleep in the buff for comfort.

 

Partner and I use jacuzzi in buff; I suspect that a couple of the kids do too. We have an unwritten rule that if hot tub is being used, no one goes out to the area.

 

When kids were younger, at least some of them and myself would skinny dip in privacy-fenced backyard pool. It was about the comfort and convenience of not having to mess with swimsuit in privacy of home, not about immodesty.

[Joanne]

Various answers on topics within this thread:

 

Porn - I am against the porn industry. However, I don't equate viewing/recreational use of porn with *addiction*. Porn, to me, is like alcohol. Some can enjoy without risk.

 

Masturbation - Have at it. And I don't care who is in your mind while you are having some private time.

 

Lust - Yes. I am familiar with the scripture. I am not certain, however, that the God I understand would create desire/want only to make that very reality "sin". It's ok if that is YOUR God, but it's not mine. ;)

 

Looking at/thinking about "others" - I don't care if my DH looks at other women. :) Really. He's mine, and not going anywhere. I was married to a man who claimed to never look, to be faithful, to not be turned on by porn or strippers. He's married to his affair.

 

modesty - I find a percentage of the "modesty" population to be cultish. In fact, I think that in trying to be modest, many parents call MORE attention to their family, choices, and piety.

 

mainstream recreation - I expect, encourage, and want my teens to have a wide range of fun. Including sleepevers, pool parties, and other common expectations of most western teens.

 

silly logic - The choices aren't "slut" or "burka". Really. Just because I don't discuss "modesty" with my kids doesn't mean by dd walks around with "juicy" across her across her bottom.

 

early or accelerated sexualization - I am against early or acceleration sexualization. That does not mean, as far as I am concerned, telling kids about sex. In fact, there is likely more *sexualization* in disney movies than in teaching about sex.

 

unmarried/young adult sex - I'd like my kids to wait. Until? Later. ;) I was one of the oldest in my peer group to have intercourse, and I still wish I waited longer. However, I'm not convinced that waiting until marriage fits with how I'd prefer my kids to wait to marry. And I sure don't want them to accelerate marriage. So, I expect that my kids will have sex before they get married. I am (even as a spiritual person) ok with that.

 

feminism and modesty - Early in upthread, a poster mentioned how the modesty movement is anti-women. I agree. It's also anti-men, and assumes that men can't make good choices about behavior when they might be "tempted".

 

Finally - Sex, sexual energy, sexual attraction, flirting are all fun realities of being human. I think the healthiest celebration of them lies in not denying those realities, but realizing them with a healthy, open, welcome. Teens have a surge of such energy. It seems anti-spiritual to expect them to ignore, deny, turn from or not masturbate during those years.

[rocketgirl]

With us modesty did come up when my oldest was in ps with shorts, she wanted to know why she couldn't wear short shorts. With us its defnitely not coming from religion; i just don't think its appropriate. Aside from that we haven't told our girls they can't wear something but our oldest has wanted to be more modest lately at the pool/beach so we bought her a super cute rashguard & board shorts to wear over her swim suit if she wants, and she wears them all the time.

 

and now that i think about it bra straps did come up with her softball uniform, all the girls seemed to be ok with them showing but we ended up using a paper clip so they wouldn't show..

 

p.s. my younger, looking at a tinkerbell party cup from walmart told me..."the only thing i like about tinkerbell is her shoes, her dress is too short"

Edited July 27, 2011 by rocketgirl

[rocketgirl]

wondering....does the issue come up with parents of boys as much as with parents of girls, i'm just wondering because i only have girls, who depend on me to raise them to be strong women, and anything that degrades them raises a great big flag over here...

[NittanyJen]

I am with the original poster, if I understood her correctly.

 

I don't think she's talking about sexy clothes for little girls or leaving nothing to the imagination pants or tops; I have been reading tons of posts and threads over time about people who won't let their kids wear normal bathing suits, leotards for dance or gymnastics, and that sort of thing.

 

By those standards, I'd vote in a poll as practicing Christian (church leader, actually) Not concerned with modesty.

 

I don't think our bodies are shameful objects, needing to be covered up. Appropriate clothing-- swimwear for swimming, leotards for dance or gymnastics, shorts for running, a tank top (by my preference, one that doesn't show my bra, not out of shame, but just because I don't enjoy looking at others' underwear) if it's hot-- are all appropriate in our house. Yet I would never call myself immodest. I think the OP was using modest dress almost the way the Amish use it, not the way we would use it! Some suggestions people make for modesty, such as wearing a t-shirt in the pool kind of blow my mind (cotton wreaks havoc on pool filters; they are banned in any well-maintained pool anyway, because staff cannot tell who put on a clean tee and who is wearing the same sweaty one they've had on all day, and uh, it's called a wet t-shirt contest for a reason! Ask any guy! Definitely not modest, even if it's dark. And you can buy bathing suits that go to your neck, wear a rash guard, get a skirted suit, or put on a coverup after exiting the pool.

 

In the end though... It's a big world, and we're all different (though t's in a public pool really are a bad idea). As my list below shows, people's tastes are not universal truths... And we all just have to get along (as long as you pull up you pants!) :001_smile:

 

 

Me? I don't want to see your underwear. I don't love your jeans riding so low I can see anything curly or super close to that. If I can count your cellulite

pockets or outline your moles, it's probably too tight. I don't want to read

your butt, or your kids'.

[Deb in NZ]

I should note that while I'm not really concerned about modesty at all, my dd mostly wears dresses and skirts (she has a particular affinity for those striped Hanna Andersson dresses.) We both wear one piece swimsuits (although mine is strapless) and I refuse to buy anything with slogans written across the rear end- not out of modestly, but just because I find them tacky. I can't wear a short, strapless dress because it wouldn't work for my body type and it's just not my personal style, but I see no problem with others wearing such things if it works for them. Age appropriateness, comfort, function, and practicality are our main priorities in choosing clothing. Modesty? Not so much a concern.

 

:iagree: Dd wore the LandsEnd T-shirt dresses alot when she was younger. Dressing age appropriate is important IMHO. All 3 of my dc are involved in sports, scouts, etc. & they wear the appropriate style of dress for the activity. IMHO extremes of modesty or just the opposite have the same result = focusing on sexuality. Dressing correctly for the occasion & culture is our focus. When visiting a village in the islands I always made sure I wore a top that covered my shoulders & a lavalava that covered me from waist to past my knees. This was to respect the culture that I was visiting. At home I was comfortable in shorts & a tanktop.

[Deb in NZ]

I respectfully disagree with masturbation and/or porn being the root cause of those issues.

 

:iagree:

[Deb in NZ]

That's why it's good to masturbate! :D Practice makes perfect!

 

I think that it's good to figure out what makes you tick, and then teach your partner or spouse!

 

:iagree:

 

Me: "Is modesty important to you?"

17yos: "No."

 

Me: "Is mastribation wrong?"

17yos: "NO, it prevents cancer!"

 

Me::lol: :lol: :lol:

17yos: "Haven't you heard that? :confused:"

[Peela]

 

Me: "Is modesty important to you?"

17yos: "No."

 

Me: "Is mastribation wrong?"

17yos: "NO, it prevents cancer!"

 

Me::lol: :lol: :lol:

17yos: "Haven't you heard that? :confused:"

:lol::lol:

[Lacie]

wondering....does the issue come up with parents of boys as much as with parents of girls, i'm just wondering because i only have girls, who depend on me to raise them to be strong women, and anything that degrades them raises a great big flag over here...

 

Yes it does come up with boys too, atleast in our house. We want them to dress modestly, act like a gentlemen and to respect women.

 

As much as I pray for someone to be raising modest Christan girls for them to marry when they grow up, I also pray to succeed in raising them to be modest Christian gentlemen so that they can be good husbands and maybe even Decons or Elders when they grow up.

[nd293]

Are there any non-religious families here who have strong feelings about remaining modest?

 

We're non-religious. I have strong feelings about age-appropriate dress for girls. I'm not sure if modesty is really the issue. Dd knows that her belly stays under clothes unless she's on the beach, and that shorts are to reach the middle of her upper leg.

 

Five years in the Middle East definitely made me more aware of what people wear, and how what one wears reflects on one's character (particularly in regard to foreigners in a Muslim country dressing inappropriately). I do think that has had an impact on what I wear. It's certainly not something I spend much time thinking about though.

[KungFuPanda]

Funnily enough, I stay fairly covered up MOST of the time. I'm a jeans and modest t-shirt girl. However, when I get a gig, I dance in front of strangers in sequins with a bare midriff. Just your average, ordinary homeschooling bellydancer. :lol::lol::lol::thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:

[8circles]

Funnily enough, I stay fairly covered up MOST of the time. I'm a jeans and modest t-shirt girl. However, when I get a gig, I dance in front of strangers in sequins with a bare midriff. Just your average, ordinary homeschooling bellydancer. :lol::lol::lol::thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:

 

If this is for real you are my new hero. It's one of my dreams.

[KungFuPanda]

If this is for real you are my new hero. It's one of my dreams.

 

It's funny because it's true. I have NO in between clothes.

[Mom-ninja.]

Haven't read the 34 pages.....

 

I'm finding that as I get older I'm getting more modest. I also will say that I am not a fan of a lot of the little girl clothes I see. It's the suggestion of trying to pass the "sexy" look on a little girl and it's not cool.

[Murphy101]

Funnily enough, I stay fairly covered up MOST of the time. I'm a jeans and modest t-shirt girl. However, when I get a gig, I dance in front of strangers in sequins with a bare midriff. Just your average, ordinary homeschooling bellydancer. :lol::lol::lol::thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:

 

 

I have had a reoccurring dream/nightmare that something happens to dh and I have to support the family as a single mom and to do so I open up a belly dancing lessons and rental for parties business.

 

I always wake up torn between stark horror, lol, and wanting to know what interpretation that dream should get.

[Mrs.MacGyver]

As someone whose husband is gone for months at a time? Even I don't have *that* much self-control. I get crabby. Other women get crabby. I have personally explained to women I know what they should order and the relatively clean sites that they can order from. They are much less crabby after that. And we're *adult women*.

 

As someone who is 10 1/2 months into deployment ... I have to say "Amen sister!!" That's why those Passion Parties are so popular on military bases..:D

[KungFuPanda]

I have had a reoccurring dream/nightmare that something happens to dh and I have to support the family as a single mom and to do so I open up a belly dancing lessons and rental for parties business.

 

I always wake up torn between stark horror, lol, and wanting to know what interpretation that dream should get.

 

 

You're gonna have to take up a whole different kind of dancing if you wanna make REAL money :lol:

 

Your dream means you should take bellydance classes!

[CarenM]

For us, its exactly the opposite of anti-woman.

 

I want my kids to know that women don't have to dress as s*x objects to be noticed. How many of us tell our kids its whats inside that counts?

 

To me, dressing like a piece of meat on the menu is devaluing women, not dressing so that your bits are covered.

 

 

Ditto...:iagree:

[happyhomemaker25]

We are conservative Christians and yes modesty is important to us. Our girls wear rash guards and board shorts for swimming, BUT if they were to ever show interest in Swim Team or something like that we would consider letting them join and buying the proper swim attire.

My girls take dance, but I made sure to find a teacher who also believed in modesty. They have beautiful long flowing dresses for recitals and carpis and t-shirts for hip hop. It does not take away from their dancing at all and to me makes it even more beautiful.

I think as a culture we are trying to s*xualize our little girls way to early. Really, what's the point of daisy duke shorts and tube tops in a girl's size 4 or even 10 for that matter? Trying to dress my tall slim 14yo in anything other than hooker attire is getting to be a joke. In the junior sizes it seems to be all about selling your body by showing it off.

As far as anti woman I think that's a ridiculous statement. What is pro woman about showing your body off with a skimpy top and/or bottom? To me that is more anti woman because it says to have any value I have to use my s*xuality. :glare:

One time we were talking about bathing suits and one of my girls thought about it for a minute. She said that she would not want to wear a bikini because she would not wear her bra and underwear outside and that's all a bikini was. I was floored. I'd never even thought of it that way. From the mouths of babes.