Mom-ninja. Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 The other day I was talking with DH about our parents. I told him I thought it was funny that had our marriage been arranged, my parents would have picked DH for me without a doubt. They love him. They would have picked him as their first choice as a husband for me. However, DH's parents would *not* have picked me as a wife for their son. I would not have even been in the "maybe" pile to be considered. I am not want they wanted for a daughter in-law and wife for their son. Dh completely agreed. He said there's no way his parents would have picked me as his wife. Oh, well. After 12 years of marriage I'm over the fact that they simply tolerate me. ;) How about you? If you are married would your in-laws have chosen you? Would your parents have chosen your spouse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'm the opposite. His parents would have chosen me in an instant. My parents would not have chosen him in a million years. They love him now though and consider him part of the family. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recovering Sociopath Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No way would my parents have chosen my husband. They are deep into Southern pride and he is from New Hampshire. I don't know about his parents. They love me now, though, I am sure of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Um, no. With the racial aspect and completely different cultures we are from, absolutely not. However, we all love each other and get along now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 The answer for us is no on both accounts. My MIL would NOT have picked me and my mom would NOT have picked dh (she liked my ex husband better who used to call me names and shove me around :glare:). I am SO GLAD we didn't have an arranged marriage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I think my in laws would have chosen me. NO WAY in the world would my parents chosen dh for me. (I think that maybe now my dad sees the folly of his ways. But who knows???) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Yes and yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 The other day I was talking with DH about our parents. I told him I thought it was funny that had our marriage been arranged, my parents would have picked DH for me without a doubt. They love him. They would have picked him as their first choice as a husband for me. However, DH's parents would *not* have picked me as a wife for their son. I would not have even been in the "maybe" pile to be considered. I am not want they wanted for a daughter in-law and wife for their son. Dh completely agreed. He said there's no way his parents would have picked me as his wife. Oh, well. After 12 years of marriage I'm over the fact that they simply tolerate me. ;) How about you? If you are married would your in-laws have chosen you? Would your parents have chosen your spouse? Word-for-word down to the 12 years of marriage (12 years in a couple of weeks, anyway). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My parents wouldn't have picked Wolf. My mother preferred me to marry a guy *she* could boss around, and Wolf's far too stubborn. MIL...she might have picked me, simply b/c of my work. As she said less than 10 mins after the ceremony, "I'm so glad Wolf married you! Now I won't ever have to be in a nursing home!" :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Great thread! No, in the beginning his mother would not have picked me. No way. But when she got to know me, she would have in a heartbeat. She thinks I'm a great wife for DH! Mine probably would have picked him. He's clean cut, respectful. But when we met he was just a timid boy (we were young)...however knowing him now, there couldn't be a better husband for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My parents would have chosen him, but I have always been the bane of my in-laws' lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisperry Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No way. His parents would not have picked me for sure - "wrong" race, religion and ideals! My parents wouldn't have picked him either. Though they would have been closer to picking him and his parents would have been to picking me. If that makes sense. Not as violent an opposition I reckon :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) His parents would have picked me. I'm quirky and strong enough myself to put up with his Aspberger/OCD personality. But I'm not sure my parents would have picked him. He's not as malleable as they would like in the elderly years and neither of us takes their nuttiness. They LOVE having a doctor in the family but they want tenderness for their stupid decisions and well, that's never going to be forthcoming from my DH. Stupid stands alone in DH's opinion. :D Edited June 28, 2011 by Jennifer3141 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I don't know. If my dh were as financially established as he is now, my dad would have picked him for me. Dh has ambition and is good at what he does, so maybe that would have been enough for my dad to think he'd make a good husband. I think my dad has a higher opinion of my dh over my sister's because my BIL has been unemployed multiple times. I'm not saying that's right, but gainful employment/financial security are high on my dad's list of what he wants for his girls' husbands. Dh's family would have picked someone more like them, I think. I tend to be logical rather than emotional (like dh), but both MIL and FIL and half of dh's siblings are highly emotional and make irrational decisions frequently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Yes, on both counts. My parents love my husband and my in laws like me. I don't know that my parents would have actually picked out my husband though. They never even met him in person until 5 days before the wedding. But they definitely love him and consider him like their son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I told him I thought it was funny that had our marriage been arranged, my parents would have picked DH for me without a doubt. They love him. They would have picked him as their first choice as a husband for me. However, DH's parents would *not* have picked me as a wife for their son. I would not have even been in the "maybe" pile to be considered. I am not want they wanted for a daughter in-law and wife for their son. Yep. Exactly the same here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Oh, no. I wouldn't have been picked. Neither would dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 MY parents would not have chosen my dh. My dad might have, but considering my mother still says I married beneath myself and still treats dh like a second class citizen, no, never in a million years. And we have been together 14 years now. Dh's family? I don't know. If they knew he would stay 2000 miles away, probably not. But otherwise they seemed to like me. My MIL talks to me by phone way more than my mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaniceO Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My parents probably would have picked him (aside from the fact that he's Navy and took us away from them; they still love him though). His parents never in a million years would have picked me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Yes and yes. We both come from Mennonite backgrounds and even though our families didn't know eachother, they all knew people who knew them (my mom's cousins went to in-law's church, etc.) and when they found out DH and I were dating they were very excited. So, we both had the right backgrounds, DH is very responsible, had a good job, etc. So was I. So, yes, both our families were well-pleased with our choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No in both directions although today I think his parent's are grateful that I married him ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I don't know if my dad would have picked dh or not. I think he was just glad someone, anyone, was willing to marry me. :D Dh's parents would not have picked me. We get along okay though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 The other day I was talking with DH about our parents. I told him I thought it was funny that had our marriage been arranged, my parents would have picked DH for me without a doubt. They love him. They would have picked him as their first choice as a husband for me. However, DH's parents would *not* have picked me as a wife for their son. I would not have even been in the "maybe" pile to be considered. I am not want they wanted for a daughter in-law and wife for their son. Dh completely agreed. He said there's no way his parents would have picked me as his wife. Oh, well. After 12 years of marriage I'm over the fact that they simply tolerate me. ;) How about you? If you are married would your in-laws have chosen you? Would your parents have chosen your spouse? We are just the same except for we just celebrated our 14th anniversary a couple weeks ago. Luckily for me we live 1000 miles away so they don't have to "tolerate" me often and they don't come visit us but once every few years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My parents would have walked on foot cross-country to select my DH ! Only DH's mother was alive when we met. My description on paper would not have sold well. As soon as she met me, however, "green lights for GO" started flashing. What I have joked about over the years is that, had somebody described DH to me and offered to set up a blind date, I would have declined firmly. Instead, I fell in love with him nearly at first meeting ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No and no. My MIL tolerates me. I annoy her because I am a take charge kind of person and so is she. We step on each others toes frequently. My FIL likes me but I am not submissive enough to be a truely good wife. My parent like dh just fine however they would have prefered if I had married someone who was willing to smoke a litte pot and throw back the achohol with them. Swearing would have been much appreciated also. As it is both my husband and I make my family feel guilty for their choices. All family members on both sides love us but I think its only because they have too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My parents wouldn't have picked Wolf. My mother preferred me to marry a guy *she* could boss around, and Wolf's far too stubborn. Yep, this is my mom, too. His family wouldn't have picked me, either. They were actually shocked (I mean, totally floored) that we stayed together. Luckily, his mom likes to pretend we don't exist, anyway, so we don't have to deal much. ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 How about you? If you are married would your in-laws have chosen you? Probably. My MIL was so thrilled her son was finally getting married, I'm pretty sure she was impressed simply by the fact that I had a pulse and was reasonably normal (and not knocked up ;)). She and I get along better than ever. I wish she lived closer. Unlike my own mom, she does not feel the need to "mother" her adult children. She makes me feel respected as a human being. Would your parents have chosen your spouse?Nope. He is ten years older than me, and I was 21. They grew to love him soon enough, but they would not have chosen him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ByGrace3 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No way would my parents have chosen my husband. They are deep into Southern pride and he is from New Hampshire. I don't know about his parents. They love me now, though, I am sure of that. :lol: dh is from Mississippi and I am from NY :tongue_smilie: his family would have NEVER chosen me (and I am barely tolerated by them still after 7 yrs of marriage) :glare: I don't know that my parents would have picked dh, (especially considering my dad was devastated I broke up with an ex he still to this day adores and has a relationship with) :001_huh: but now, they adore him and he is very much part of the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My mother preferred me to marry a guy *she* could boss around, and Wolf's far too stubborn. This is probably the issue with dh and my mom. He'd been on his own since 17, his mom was a single mom during a large part of his growing up, and he is not accustomed to someone's mom telling him what he should do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) My parents would never have picked Patrick at the time, but they LOVE him now. His dad and I are like oil and water, so he would have never picked me. Of course, that man wouldn't think the Virgin Mary was good enough for his boy. :glare: Edited June 30, 2011 by Nakia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Heavens no. My parents adore dh, but they would not have picked him. He's older, he was the bad boy. Honestly if we had no each others as teens there is no way we would have ended up together. Now my parents love my son, my mom would take him and raise him in a moment, so they got a good deal. She was born on his birthday. His mother likes me. I'm not sure if she would have picked me, but they think I "straightened him out". I did not, he did the maturing on his own. I think they were just glad that at 32 he finally found someone. I do know who my mother would have picked, if the choice had been hers. I think I would have had a miserable marriage. I've watched a lot of Indian movies lately. I find the idea of arranged marriage fascinating. I don't think I would have been opposed if I had grown up in that culture, but I'm glad I had the chance to choose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtroad Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 :lol: No way! They would not have even considered me. :lol: Not sure about my parents. I think he would have made a "possible" list. My Mom would have probably encouraged me to never get married.... men are too much trouble.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 What Jewish mother wants a Protestant daughter-in-law? And in particular, my MIL thinks I'm a fat, and horrid for not wearing make-up, and I'm just not right because I grew up on the WEST SIDE OF TOWN, (OH NO!) so no, I don't think my MIL would have chosen me in a million years. I never met my dh's dad, since he passed away before we started dating, but I'm quite a bit like my dh's step-mom, and we get along famously, so I think he MAY have chosen me. My mother would not have chosen my dh, but she doesn't have good judgment. She chose my father and he is not a model human being in any respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) *** Edited February 19, 2023 by J-rap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My inlaws wouldn't have picked me in a million years! In fact, they tried awfully hard to talk us out of getting married. (a lot of it had to do with my young age and background) They have fully accepted me into their family now though... My mom would have totally picked my dh for me. (in fact, I guess since she had to sign for me to get married, she DID pick him :tongue_smilie:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 When dh and I announced our engagement, my soon-to-be MIL sat me down and told me about all the young Filipinas that she had been hoping my dh would choose from. Even after we were married, my ILs did not remember my name for the first 2 years. I would call and say that "This is Jean" and they would say "Who?" So I would say, "You know, _________ wife." And they would say "Who?" So no. . . they would not have chosen me. (We've been married 18 years as of yesterday - my ILs and I now have a good relationship but it took 10 years for that to happen.) When dh and I announced our engagement to my parents, my dad said, "I figured that was why you were dating." They have never had a problem with my dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My parents would have chosen him. His parents would not have chosen me. I just found out that I was referred to as "The Gold Digger" for the first year or so. Funny thing is, my beloved didn't have any gold until much, much later! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My parents would have chosen him, but I have always been the bane of my in-laws' lives. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I *know* who my parents would have picked for me, lol, and it would *not* have been dh. ... My in-laws were more than happy with me as a choice for dh, though I can't imagine *what* they would have looked for in a DIL if they were planning to choose one for dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I would not have been picked and I think they are still waiting for it to fall apart. But its been 18 yrs. hah. The other two bros have been divorced and never married. So we are looking good. Even dh said at the beginning he needs to marry his own kind. Heck, what am I alien. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I think we'd both have been picked. However, I can't imagine my dad and FIL negotiating without killing each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthemLights Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Yes and yes. Very succinctly put. :D Me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No way would my in-laws have picked me, although I'm glad to say they've had a change of heart since our marriage. My parents probably would not have picked dh for me either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My mom would have picked Dh but the fact that he was a Christian would have given her pause. His parents on the other hand would never have picked me!!!! The girlfriend he had before me was their ideal. When he broke up with her they were in complete shock. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Not a chance. I am 16 years younger than my husband and I was a single mom when we started dating. Many in his family thought I was just looking for a daddy for my son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I have no clue if DH's parents would have picked me. My parents would not have picked DH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No and No. But it's all good now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinannie Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 The other day I was talking with DH about our parents. I told him I thought it was funny that had our marriage been arranged, my parents would have picked DH for me without a doubt. They love him. They would have picked him as their first choice as a husband for me. However, DH's parents would *not* have picked me as a wife for their son. I would not have even been in the "maybe" pile to be considered. I am not want they wanted for a daughter in-law and wife for their son. Dh completely agreed. He said there's no way his parents would have picked me as his wife. Oh, well. After 12 years of marriage I'm over the fact that they simply tolerate me. ;) How about you? If you are married would your in-laws have chosen you? Would your parents have chosen your spouse? I am in the same situation as you! Although now his dad does truly love me. His mom tolerates me, but sends a lot of hints my way that I could go any day! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No to both. My mil really did dislike me and made it plain how she felt. To her dying day she felt that way. My parents disliked my husband but as yrs went on my mother admitted that my dh treated her better than most of her sons. She learned to not only trust him but love him.:001_smile: Just as a side note I do believe that I would have picked my dil for my middle son but not my sil. He has some major issues that are really difficult to deal with. I have made up my mind that I WILL love him but I watch him very closely when he is around our children. They will never have children of their own so sadly that is good.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 No and no. I'm "white" (I actually have a lot of NA ancestry as well), and I grew up on a farm in the Deep South. Dh, on the other hand, is hispanic (Puerto Rican and Mexican), and he grew up in the Bronx. The chances that our families would ever have even crossed paths are slim, and they especially wouldn't have thought to put us together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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