Homemaker Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 When you invite a family over for a meal do you have them in the kitchen cutting, preparing food, serving, setting the table etc? For me, I try to treat the guests the way I would like to be treated, and have the table set and as much preparing as I can get done before they arrive, so they can relax and enjoy visiting. And to be honest I don't really want a bunch of people in the kitchen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 It depends on the occasion and the guests. I've invited people to "make your own pizza" nights where everyone brings their favorite topping. I provide the crust and tomato sauce. I suppose you can say that I make my guests work on those times but it isn't really work, it's play! For a more formal dinner, I have everything all ready, including the table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I hate ppl in my kitchen, so no, I wouldn't want a guest to help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Helping chop? Not really, but in the kitchen, chatting, pouring wine? Yes...mostly because we have a dinning/kitchen/great area. I find it interesting how people arealmost 100% drawn to the kitchen...even when there is mood lighting and food elsewhere. There is something about a welcoming kitchen that makes people want to hang out and chit chat, and even help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suppleasthewind Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I try to have everything done by time guests arrive. All my friends have kids so I figure everyone would appreciate sitting down and not having to worry about cooking. Its a nice way to give friends a break. We take turns hosting dinner so everyone gets a nice break once in a while. I could imagine one day, when everyone has an empty nest, we might get together and cook, hang out in the kitchen with wine, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I hate ppl in my kitchen, so no, I wouldn't want a guest to help :iagree: My kitchen is the point of my home that people gravitate to, and it makes me CRAZY. I have to have everything that I possibly can ready before anyone gets here, because it's bad enough that they'll be hovering in my kitchen. And the people I have over are almost always either my (or DH's) pushy (but loving) relatives. They won't ask what I need done-- they'll just step in somewhere. No bueno. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhudson Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 It depends on who they are. My family and my best friends, yes, they help because it's usually last minute planning. Other, more formal invitations, do not need to help and I generally have everything ready for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I usually find that guests offer to help out, but there's often nothing for them to do, so then they just hang out in the kitchen, distracting me.. :banghead: Well I figure if they want to chat, they have to accept that supper won't get done as quick! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaMa2005 Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I like to have everything done before guests arrive. However, I have noticed after dinner that almost all the moms want to help with the dishes. I have gotten to washing the dishes by hand and letting them dry them. We chat, sip our drinks, and have a great time while the dads talk and watch the children. It is a win-win situation for all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Depends on the guests and the occasion. People I don't know well, or a more formal kind of dinner or a dinner meeting, I do everything, including clean-up. But we usually prefer more informal gatherings, with people we know well, and it's not uncommon for our guests to walk in the door and ask, "What can I do to help?" I do the same at friends' homes, and appreciate the help and when they actually have a task I can help with at their homes. Working together in the kitchen is something I enjoy. :) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Depends on the situation. If it's family, then they might be asked to help out. Not family, no, I never ask them to. In either case, I try to have as much as possible done *before* the get-together, so that I can enjoy my time with my company, anyway. Sometimes, though, it's unavoidable to be in the kitchen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Absolutely not. Now, the first three times someone comes to my house, she's a guest. After that, she's family, and I put family to work. :D And I have had larger groups over where food was served buffet-style and potluck. We're all "working," although my own work is finished when the others arrive. But a "guest" is a guest. When I invite people to my home as guests, almost everything is ready when they get here, and I don't ask them to help clear the table or load the dishwasher or nothin'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 totally depends. If it's formal, then I have everything set and done and I spend a few finishing minutes in the kitchen. If it's a get together with old friends then everyone helps. I used to say no when they asked, but then I realized it made them feel better by helping and my job as a hostess is to make my guests feel welcome so I started letting people help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 The only friends we ever have over have been our friends for 16 years. Yes, I need to I put them to work but usually it is only last minute prep stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Thinking back (its been over 9 yrs) to when I'd go to my parents for holidays and such, the women would congregate in the kitchen while the guys and kids hung out in the livingroom. And yeah, we did meal prep...it wasn't even something you offered or asked to do, it was just normal, part of the flow. Since my family is across country, its not something I've dealt with from a hosting pov, but I shoo ppl out of my kitchen now...then again, I don't generally feed an extra 10 ppl at a time at this point, just 2, or max 3. I do get Wolf and Diva to help out when needed though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 No, I generally have everything done prior to guests arrivals. I ususally serve something from the oven, grill or a soup so there is nothing they can do even if they wanted to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Confession: I am a terrible chopper and afraid of knives. I always offer to help because I want to be polite, but secretly dread being asked to chop something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 No, but if we're carrying stuff outside to eat on the patio and they ask what they can do to help I might ask them to bring something or other out to place on the table (the bowl of salad, the ketchup, whatever). And if they start helping to clear the table afterward, well, I'm not going to complain. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I don't have a lot of company, when I do, I go extremely casual. I let everyone do what they want to. Talk, dry, whatever. I do get distracted, though, so if I make something with a lot of ingredients, I make it ahead. One time my mom called when I was making banana nut bread, it ended up being banana no nut bread, LOL. I do have friends that literally chase me out of the kitchen because they like to cook alone. So I just watch TV, or go somewhere for a little while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Just read a few of the responses but I think I go against what most do. We don't normally have formal dinners, we have LARGE family gathering. Most of the time it is between 15-20 people. I never have everything prepared ahead of time as most of them will be at our house anywhere from 1-8 hrs before the big meal. Most of the time everyone pitches in and helps with the prep. of the meal, even my son and sil. Sometimes I will ask my one son to do the main cooking. We are family and that is just what we do. I have always had a crowd in my kitchen though. What really bothers me is if I have a big meal to fix and everyone comes 2-4 hrs before the meal is to be fixed and sits in the living room visiting while I am trying to pull it together for the crowd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 This is me, except they are the guest the 1st time. After that, they are family and it's pretty much a jump in and help yourself attitude. :D I don't, however, let them wash dishes. Clear the table, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAR120C Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 If it's a get together with old friends then everyone helps. I used to say no when they asked, but then I realized it made them feel better by helping and my job as a hostess is to make my guests feel welcome so I started letting people help. I try to save something I don't mind other people doing so I can offer that when they want to help (and not something that I'd really rather just do myself!) Usually I'll let guests toss a salad, or mix drinks, or help set the table. Maybe take something out of the oven. Maybe. Real cooking I want to do myself... DH cooks with me, but no one else knows exactly how I want it done, and it would be rude of me to let them help only to hover behind them pointing out what they were doing wrong.... :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Food is generally not done when guests get here. I want to wait and finish it off once they arrive so that it's still fresh. I do make sure to have a couple yummy munchies for both kids and adults set out so that there's something to nibble until we're ready to eat. Guests often join us in the kitchen, we'll stand around with a drink while things are being finished off. If someone asks for something to do I'll accept their help, but honestly? I'd rather they just chat and keep me company, leaving me to finish everything off on my own. I do have young children and so do most of our friends, but the kids run off playing and keep each other entertained so that us adults can stand around the kitchen with our wine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Thinking back (its been over 9 yrs) to when I'd go to my parents for holidays and such, the women would congregate in the kitchen while the guys and kids hung out in the livingroom. And yeah, we did meal prep...it wasn't even something you offered or asked to do, it was just normal, part of the flow. See, y'all weren't "guests." Y'all were family. That's different. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 We have an open kitchen/dining/sitting area, and it is an important feature in a home for us because we like to be able to chat with everyone while preparing food. But I really don't like to have other people directly under foot while I'm in the kitchen and usually prefer to just take care of things myself. That said, I will give 'jobs' to family members that ask to help (like setting the table, moving things around, etc.) because I know how nice it can be to feel useful and a part of preparations. I definitely offer to help any time I go to someone else's house, and am genuinely happy to be put to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) I don't "make" ask guests do anything. But if someone walks in and says "what can I do to help?" I'll give them something to do. I try to have most everything done before they arrive, but there always seems to be a last minute scramble to make sure all the hot food is hot when placed on the table and to make sure everything gets to the table. When I go to someone's house, I always ask what I can bring and what I can do to help get the meal on the table. DH and I help with clean up, too, unless we've used paper plates and there's not much to do. Working in the kitchen together is great bonding time. Edited May 30, 2011 by LizzyBee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Year Round Mom Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 ABSOLUTELY!!! I have 2 Thessalonians 3:10 posted in large print in my kitchen: If a man will not work, he shall not eat! Just kidding. :D The real answer is: if someone offers and I'm still scrambling around, I'll accept, unless I only have a few things left to accomplish. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 No. I'm like you. Just about everything is done when they arrive and I prefer they stay out of the kitchen. Maybe sit at the bar and chat with me while I do some last minute stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 It dpends on the meal. For a holiday or birthday meal, or having guests over who aren't close friends or family, I try to have everything done ahead of time. For the last minute things, women usually sit at the kitchen table (our kitchen has a big dining area in it separate from our regular dining room) and chat. I always say no when they ask to help, unless they are younger (pre-teen to college age.) I figure they are learning, and I should put them to work. :001_smile: For meals with family and close friends, I will let them help if they insist (ask twice.) I always refuse the first time, because that is polite. :) For example, dbil stays with us for a few weeks several times a year while he is on vacation. He is there while I am preparing the meal, and he likes to learn how to cook things, so he helps out. If my parents or brother and family are at our house for the day, they may help, too, though I usually have things ready, having made them the day before. There are always beggies to chop at the last minute or something, though. Overall, though, I have two teen girls, so there isn't much need for anyone else. They have so much experience cooking that it is really like three grown women making a meal already. We can whip out a holiday spread in no time by dividing up the work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 sometimes my sisters will help put things away if there are leftovers or help load the dishwasher but I don't want or expect them to.....it's just them being helpful..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I have some friends who are uncomfortable if they are NOT helping. In that case, I certainly ask for assistance as I would not be a good hostess if I were making my guests feel uncomfortable. If I have several folks over, I usually enlist the help of one person. I have a couple of friends (one who use to manage a hotel) who are really good in this role. I also have one friend who is the queen of clean-up. Again, she would not feel comfortable if she didn't pitch in and help after we had eaten. I think it is important to know the personalities of your guests. I have just as many friends who really relish being "waited on." So, for them, that is what I do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 My natural response is no, I prefer to just do it myself. But I have found people like to be in the kitchen and the want to help. Sometimes standing together and chopping or prepping something facilitates conversation more. So over the years I have learned from dh to give people specific tasks (if they ask, it's not like we would assign jobs). And over the years I've gotten use to and it now feels more natural. That's usually for informal gatherings or if we are having a bunch of people over for something like the Tball team party. If it's one or two couples we've invited to dinner we would typically have everything ready and not ask guests to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Year Round Mom Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I have some friends who are uncomfortable if they are NOT helping. I think it is important to know the personalities of your guests. I have just as many friends who really relish being "waited on." So, for them, that is what I do! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Rarely. I can think of two times in the past year: once, SO had to unexpectedly work once he arrived home, so our friends set the table for me; next, I allowed his mother to chop some cabbage for me because she was going on and on about not feeling needed. I had to remind her to wash her hands. Never again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 When you invite a family over for a meal do you have them in the kitchen cutting, preparing food, serving, setting the table etc? For me, I try to treat the guests the way I would like to be treated, and have the table set and as much preparing as I can get done before they arrive, so they can relax and enjoy visiting. And to be honest I don't really want a bunch of people in the kitchen. I try to do as much pre-prep done as possible too. I prefer to visit with guests to standing in the kitchen. And sometimes it's just more work having someone trying to find stuff in your kitchen anyway. If we just have a couple people over we might gravitate to the kitchen, but not typically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 If they offer to help, and I need the help, I will say "yes". My kitchen is small enough that more than two people in it and I feel claustrophobic, so I rarely have other people in there helping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I try to do as much pre-prep done as possible too. I prefer to visit with guests to standing in the kitchen. And sometimes it's just more work having someone trying to find stuff in your kitchen anyway. If we just have a couple people over we might gravitate to the kitchen, but not typically. Yes, usually by the time everyone arrives, everything is ready, and we just need to pass the food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 It depends. For holiday dinners? I have everything ready ahead. For casual get-togethers with friends who are like family (the only family we have most of the time)? I let them help if they insist. :) My friends often help with cleanup, I can't keep them out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I never used to let them help. And then I started letting people help and it turns out that I love it! The friendship seems to grow in leaps and bounds when we're working in the kitchen together. I've started letting the men and the women help and it's loads of fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I don't "make" them but I am so glad when they volunteer! The women congregate there anyway...while the guys are out with a chainsaw or something like it. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 It depends on the situation. In a casual situation, friends bring their kids over for the day and have lunch here, they offer to help, and I accept their help. If it's a pre-planned occassion, having a couple over for an evening meal, I try to have as much done (including the cooking) before they arrive. If it's a large meal with many people, then people offer to pitch in and help, and I accept their offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newhsmom Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I try not to have people work when they come to my house. Mainly because my sister-in-law always has me work so much at her house and I can't stand it. It is one thing is help a little it is another thing for me to come as a guest and do a majority of the side dishes once I arrive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Not if they are really "guests" we are entertaining. When my brother's family comes (family of 15), we all work in the kitchen. However, I do handle a lot of prep before they arrive. If someone invites us to dinner... I expect that we are coming to dinner, not to MAKE dinner (unless that is explained as part of the plan). When we are entertaining, we are entertaining, I don't expect my guests to help (although, they always ask...) I have been "invited to dinner," and once I arrived I was told I was "making" X for dinner before. It was quite off-putting. I mean, you tell someone dinner is AT 6pm... we arrived at 5:45 and you say, "I'm glad you're here. I need you to make X and Y?" We didn't actually sit down to eat until 7pm. I was really, really hungry by then!:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 For me, I try to treat the guests the way I would like to be treated, and have the table set and as much preparing as I can get done before they arrive, so they can relax and enjoy visiting. And to be honest I don't really want a bunch of people in the kitchen. That's me too! Not keen on having to orchestrate helpers and I like my own space to get things done. Maybe if it is a very casual get together then I'd enlist help but not a dinner party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 No, I make my crockpot work in the kitchen. That way the house smells yummy when they get there and I'm not running around like a crazy woman trying to get everything done. I dislike it when my mom is visiting and wants to entertain all the family in the area. She likes to go all out, which usually means me in the kitchen helping her. Our house is laid out in such a way that when you're in the kitchen you don't hear much of anything anywhere else, so I miss out on the conversation. I'm a talker, I'd rather be talking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 See, y'all weren't "guests." Y'all were family. That's different. :001_smile: The OP asked about family, though. The family I have had over for dinner...Wolf's brother/sisters/MIL do *not* help in the kitchen. MIL tends to stand right behind me where I trip over her or risk spilling something, b/c she literally shadows me, breathing. I don't know if she thinks I'm going to slip meat into her food or spit in it, but heavens its annoying! Its to the point where Wolf takes her out with the kids til I call everyone...just darn safer. Sibs never offered, and I never asked. I know my kitchen, and its just much faster for me to do it. I did enjoy the youngest sis sitting and chatting to me while I did what needed to be done though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Make them? No. But if they ask if there's any way they can help I don't hesitate to put them to work. Usually people offering to help actually want to help, and I think working together in the kitchen with a family member or close friend is enjoyable. It's one reason why I offer to help if I'm the guest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I don't like people in my kitchen, so I don't want people to help. I really don't want it. At other people's houses I offer, but it's reeeeeeally awkward because I have no idea how they like things done and I feel like I'm all up in their private space. I especially don't like my mom in my kitchen. It takes me forever to figure out where she put things, and she makes a Huge mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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