Do you and dh take vacations alone--meaning not with each other?

[Ottakee]

I was just thinking that in addition to the trips we take as a family and the 1-2 times a year dh and I go away alone, we do take trips without each other.

 

Dh and ds have driven out west once and took the train from Michigan to the Grand Canyon and back. They have been have been up to the UP (upper penninsula of Michigan) a few times, etc.

 

I have taken the kids or girls places while dh stayed home too. I have gone on a few overnights with a friend or 2 and once a year I go to a big horse expo and am gone 2-3 nights without the rest of the family.

 

Now I am sorta planning a trip to Alaska in the summer of 2012. My best friend just moved to Barrow (arctic circle) last week and I want to go up to see her but this summer likely won't work. I asked dh if he wanted to go and he said NO, he was fine staying home. He doesn't want to fly that far away and we don't have the time or money to drive at this point in our lives.

 

Just wondering if anyone else did this.

[gardening momma]

The only time I have gone on vacation without dh was last fall, to visit my friend several states away. We went as a family the year before and met them partway. Her dh was there that year. Last year, she and I wanted to get together again, all of us, if possible, but dh couldn't come because of work, so I took the dc and met her and her dc (her dh stayed home to work too). We were gone for 1 1/2 weeks. I loved it (not because he wasn't there, but I didn't go crazy traveling with the kids by myself). It's not something I would want to do several times a year, just because I would rather have him come too. But now and then, once or less a year would be ok. I wouldn't go have a vacation by myself without anyone else, though.

[kalanamak]

Hubby goes with kiddo. If I take vacation it is a day off here and there to clean house or to watch kiddo if hubby has to be somewhere. I don't like vacations. Too much work piles up, and it is therefore stressful before and after. Not worth it.

[J-rap]

...

Edited September 7, 2023 by J-rap

[Janie Grace]

No, we don't. I guess we have always used vacations as opportunities for making family or couple memories. But now that I am thinking about it, a vacation by myself (even just for a couple of days) sounds absolutely divine.

[Tap]

Yep, dh takes at least one vacation a year without me. Sometimes more LOL

 

He will take the kids and hit the road, I usually have to work or I just stay behind and relish days free of children. LOL

 

I have a bad back that doesn't handle road trips, but even before that I am not usually up for his style of trip. He doesn't think anything of taking off for 4-5 days in California, sleeping on peoples couches to visit friends. To me, driving for 24 hours (at least) to have a 3 day vacation (of which another is spent in the car driving to see various people on different days) is not relaxing.

[LibraryLover]

No, not vacations. However, we do try to get a night or two away every 4-8 weeks or so. Dh travels frequently, so the hotel points do add up. When we had nurslings, we always brought them along, leaving the bigger peeps with my mom. I know that many folks don't need that time, but I find that getting away from the piles of laundry and such helps me to relax a bit. When I am relaxed, good things happen. :)

[Ottakee]

Between dh's work and our hobby farm (3 horses, 14 chickens, a dog, several cats, rabbits, a bird, and some fish) it is harder to get away.

 

I don't want to take the kids to Alaska as it would be very expensive and this would be a time for me to spend time with my friend--she is a bit older so her daughter is on her own. My friend's dh wouldn't be there either as we would schedule my trip for a time when he was either at a conference or on ambulance call--meaning 24 hour on call for the week.

 

I do enjoy vacations with the whole family but as the kids get older, sometimes ds doesn't want to go along or there are things that the girls and I would enjoy that dh and ds really wouldn't. Most of these trip (other than this Alaska one) are 1-2 night things.

[MindyD]

Not as a rule, but this fall I'm planning on going to Hawaii by myself to spend a week with one of my best friends from college! We're also trying to go to FL this summer (whole family) to visit some friends. Dh is all excited about Florida, but I told him that in my mind, Florida is NOT a vacation for me. It's more work! I can't wait for my trip to Maui! In my defense, with dh's old job he travelled all over the place with his best friend because they worked together. If they were in a good location, they'd take a day off and go skiing so I have no guilt over my trip. It's like 10 years of cumulative vacation time being cashed in.

[mytwomonkeys]

last year i had a girl's weekend with my best friends from high school. it was so much fun! we are planning another one this year, as we are all turning 40. family vacations are fabulous, but i think it's okay if you do things apart from your spouse too. my brother-in-law goes hunting several times a year with just the guys, and my sister usually comes to visit me with just the kids during those times. i also go to atlanta often without my husband on "vacation" as he has to work. it's all good.

[Sasharowan]

The kids and I have gone on several trips without dh. We go camping 2-3x a year with grandma or friends and he doesn't go.

[amy g.]

ummm...no.

[BakersDozen]

I've taken many vacations without my dh. From the time my first was born I've spent up to a month visiting family and friends; since dh had to work he obviously could not go with us. Honestly, it works better for dh not to go because we vacation very differently, lol. If it's just the two of us we get along but I prefer to take the dc alone without dh tagging along. ;)

[3lilreds in NC]

When we go to Michigan in the summer, dh can't usually stay as long as I would like to stay. He takes us up, spends some time, and then usually goes home and comes back when it's time for us to come home. It's just too far to drive, IMO, to spend less than a couple of weeks and he can't usually be away from work that long. I will say that after our time up there a couple of years ago, I am less inclined to spend long amounts of time up there with my dad. I love him, but we are too much alike to be together for an extended period of time.

 

So, I may not be staying up there without dh anymore. I don't know. I would love to be able to go somewhere with just our family, but then I think we would not be able to go to Michigan and I'm not ready to give up having the kids see their grandparents yet.

[mom4him]

I used to go to see one of my sisters every 5-6 yrs by myself. It was wonderful. I would like to take my two youngest kids and go to my oldest sisters for a short visit but don't know if it will ever happen as I am my oldest son's only aide.

I don't see a problem with this type of thing as long as everyone is in agreement.

[Ginevra]

Yes; I am on one right now! I am in Colorado Springs (I live in MD) with dd14. We're visiting my brother and SIL and sight-seeing. I would love for all of us to do this as a family, but it's just too expensive.

 

Honestly, we take trips apart more often than we take family vacations, and we haven't taken a just-us-two trip since there was just two of us to take. (I hope to go on a trip together this summer to Alaska, but to this point, it wasn't feasible to find someone to take care of the kids for a week or so.) He has also taken trips to Canada fishing with friends.

 

I like trips as a family, but splitting it up makes it possible for us to do things that are interesting to us individually without wasting money paying for the less-interested member(s).

[KristyND]

Yes, and its wonderful :)

Typically short trips with a friend, or to visit out of state friends.

[Shellydon]

We all go, or no one goes.

[Rosie_0801]

Sure. Dh goes LARPing a few times per year. If I had the money, I'd take more trips by myself too. Actually, the only one I have taken without them was when I was pregnant with #2 (so I took him, you can't leave a foetus at home) and I left dd home with dh and went interstate for the weekend with my brother. I've taken the kids on a few big trips by myself, but I won't do that again unless I'm desperate!

 

Rosie

[ChristusG]

Not usually. And when it happens, I wouldn't really call them vacations. For two years in a row, my mom and I (plus the kids) went to the FPEA convention in Orlando. It's a fun get away, we eat dinner out, go shopping, etc.

 

DH has flown to Nashville one time to go to a football game with his uncle, cousin, and nephew. It would have been crazy for all four of us to go since he was only staying for two nights (I don't fly so we would have had to drive....we would have spent almost as much time in the car as we would have been there...way too hectic for me). So I stayed home.

 

Other than that, we usually go together. DH gets a lot of vacation time and I don't care to travel alone (without another adult with me).

[Renthead Mommy]

Yes, we always had, from the time we first got married.

 

He had zero interest in coming and hanging out with me and my friends and our conversations that went back 20 years. And I had zero interest in going to his fan conventions with his friends. Plus if we went together, who ever's event it was always felt like they needed to entertain the other.

 

Now that we've got an 8 yo, we don't waste his vacation on stuff like visiting family or going to places he doesn't care about. Plus we know we've only got a few years to see things in an area. I can't always wait for him to have time, and some things just aren't high enough on his list of things he wants to do/take time for. I've done Williamsburg/Jamestown, Niagara Falls and Tokyo without him. (We did however go with our friend and his son to Niagara Falls.) As well as many little quick trips and trips to family in Florida and SC.

 

Plus I can travel a lot cheaper without him, so I save the big spending vacations for when we go together.

[ladydusk]

He goes hunting with a college buddy every year for deer season.

 

I go on a Women's retreat with church and to the Homeschool conference with friends most years.

 

I suppose you could call those "vacations" ...

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

We actually have taken more vacations without each other than with each other. I like to travel a lot. He likes to go on his annual fishing trip with the guys. We take major family vacations every few years, and family mini-trips about 1-2 times a year.

[Tarreymere]

We don't go without each other. I like DH better than anywhere I could go for any reason without him, and he likes me better than going somewhere without me.

[DawnM]

I have a girls' beach weekend every year I go to without DH. Last year I flew to Seattle for a reunion for my dad's side of the family. We couldn't all afford to go. I also got to see friends in Seattle (I went to college there), so that was nice. I also go see friends for weekends some.

 

Dh travels for work but not vacation.

 

But if I go, it is with my girlfriends, not like alone.

 

Dawn

[Denisemomof4]

when my RAD dd was really, really bad, I'd take weekends away periodically and a couple of week long trips away.

 

I take dd11 away at least once per year around her birthday. We usually only go for one or two nights.

 

A couple of months ago the girls and I went on a girl's weekend away. It was FUN!!! There are just some things girls want to do that boys won't.

 

Dh supports this. He's happy to be home, his favorite place to be. Wel 're happy to go away because we're home all the time. :tongue_smilie:

 

Other than a therapeutic escape or a weekend away with friends or dd's, all our travel vacations are as a family.

 

Dh and I used to be able to get away alone but now that our responsible son is all but gone, it just isn't going to happen. :sad:

[T'smom]

Y'know, my initial response was NO WAY! But as I read through the other responses, I realized I was defining vacation differently than lots of people seem to. I often travel to see my family without him. He doesn't want to go- he'd MUCH rather spend his vacation days doing something other than visiting my parents! And in the future, I can certainly see other things coming up that one of us would want to do and the other just wouldn't have an interest. I would LOVE it if he took the kids somewhere without me- THAT would be a vacation! And I am soooo thankful that my mom travels without my dad or I wouldn't see her nearly as often! As much as my dad loves me and my kids, he gets a little stir-crazy if he can't get to his office. So my mom comes without him.

 

But traveling just for fun? We don't do that without each other.

[susankenny]

We don't go without each other. I like DH better than anywhere I could go for any reason without him, and he likes me better than going somewhere without me.

 

Well, it isn't about liking something better than your spouse. I love my husband, and I'm not trying to get away from him or anything.

 

My husband goes on retreats (as do I), and he enjoys hunting (while I do not). I went to a fabulous scrapbooking weekend with friends, and he wouldn't have liked it whatsoever, lol.

 

Sometimes it's about supporting the other person to enjoy outside interests, hobbies, etc. that may not appeal to the spouse.

 

 

Susan

[jewellsmommy]

No. I guess the closest thing to this would be when I go to see a women's ministry speaker, Beth Moore, with the women of my church. It is usually an overnight trip and is done once a yr. Also, once a yr. dh goes on an overnight to a men's ministry event called Wildfire, with the men of the church. But, I do not consider these vacations.

[T'smom]

Well, it isn't about liking something better than your spouse. I love my husband, and I'm not trying to get away from him or anything.

 

My husband goes on retreats (as do I), and he enjoys hunting (while I do not). I went to a fabulous scrapbooking weekend with friends, and he wouldn't have liked it whatsoever, lol.

 

Sometimes it's about supporting the other person to enjoy outside interests, hobbies, etc. that may not appeal to the spouse.

 

 

Susan

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[tabrizia]

Depends on your definition of vacation. I take the small ones to visit my parents 3 to 5 times a year down where they live. DH comes for the full time once or twice a year with us. The rest of the time, he doesn't come at all or only comes the last few days. He doesn't have enough vacation to visit as often as my parents like to see us, and really everyone is happy with the arrangement. I've also taken just DD with me to visit my parents for quick weekends before and left DS home with DH. DD was too young to be left without me for the 2 nights I would be gone. DH and DS really enjoyed their time together.

 

Non-parent visits, we don't really take separate vacations at the moment, but depending on the trip we might and likely will in the in the future, and it could involve any combination of solo travel to traveling with 1, 2 or all 3 of the children without the other spouse.

 

We like traveling and vacationing together, but sometimes it is easier, works out better, or the other person just isn't interested in the trip that one person is taking. As long as both of us agree on the other one going then there is no issue with vacationing without the other.

Edited April 20, 2011 by tabrizia

[Rosie_0801]

Well, it isn't about liking something better than your spouse.

 

Sometimes it is. *cough cough*

 

Some times we both like each other better after he's been gone for the weekend!

 

:rolleyes:

Rosie

[Jenny in Florida]

I was going to say that I've never intentionally taken a vacation without my husband. In fact, we've never gone on vacation without the kids since we've had them. But as I was typing, I realized this whole thing turns on the question how you define a vacation.

 

I did once go away to hide in a local hotel for two nights when I had reached the end of my rope with my son. My husband sent me away so I could rest and he could deal with the kid for a couple of days. I stayed in town and didn't do anything except read and rest and eat in restaurants. I'm not sure it qualifies as a "vacation."

 

I also went to stay for a few days with a friend who was in the middle of a nasty divorce. My husband stayed with the kids while I flew up to help my friend clean and pack up her house and to generally run interference between her and her almost-ex-husband. Again, not what one would call a pleasure trip.

 

Other than that, I've travelled either alone or with one or both kids doing the road trips getting my daughter to and from college. I make about 10 of those 1,600-mile round trip drives each academic year. Mostly, I do the one-night turn-around either alone or with my son along for the ride. Occasionally, though, I'll build in an extra day or two and do something fun or educational with either or both kids. We've visited historic sites and museums, seen a play or movie, etc. Does that count as a vacation?

 

Oh, I also accompanied my son when he had a gig workshopping a new theatre piece. The composer, director and cast all stayed at an arts center for about 10 days rehearsing and preparing for a showcase. The center is about 90 minutes from our house. So, we split our time, staying on site for two or three nights, then coming home for a day or two before going back. A couple of months later, I tagged along when he went to New York to perform the show again and make the recording. We stayed an extra day and did some sightseeing.

 

And there was the time I took our daughter to New York to see a couple of shows. That was absolutely purely for fun, with no educational impulse and no pretense of tacking it on to a "required" trip. It was definitely for her, not for me. I was pretty much the chaperone, but I did manage to have a good time. Even then, it wasn't like I set out to vacation separately from my husband. We would have taken the whole family, except that our son was rehearsing a show and couldn't get away at the time.

 

Similarly, my husband took our daughter to Washington, DC, a couple of years ago to participate in a march. Again, we would have liked for all four of us to go, but our son was busy here.

 

All of that is to say that neither of us sets out to go away without the other one (or without the kids). We have travelled separately for a variety of reasons, but not just because it sounds like more fun that way.

[momofsbandeg]

last year my husband changed jobs and wasn't able to go on vacation. We had planned to join my extended family for a week at the beach. When he changed jobs and started over with no vacation time, I took our children.

 

I much prefer for him to be with us.

[QueenCat]

It depends on what you count as a vacation. I go on an annual scrapbooking weekend with friends. He wouldn't want to be there. And I visit my parents/sister twice a year without him. He usually goes once a year. But I don't count visiting family as vacations. I love visiting family but I end up working, helping out, etc, which is fine, but it's not a vacation. A vacation can include family if they meet us somewhere though, like the beach.

[Melissa in Australia]

for the last few years Dh has gone to Canada for a month each year. He is Canadian, and his parents are in their very late 80's.

I don't take vacations.

[creekland]

To hubby and I a vacation of any sort without each other wouldn't be a vacation, so no. Neither one of us would be happy. We're not even fond of visiting family without each other (family lives away from us requiring an overnight to visit - if they were nearby, that would be different). Fortunately, we love almost all of the same things, so vacationing together isn't a problem.

 

"Time" is the big winner for us with love languages...

[Negin]

No, never. We can't imagine doing so. But we know that it works for others. It's just not our style. Dc - same thing. They always come with us.

 

The longest we've been apart from each other was because we had to be evacuated after a major hurricane several years ago. The kids and I had to leave. It was very, very hard to be apart from dh for that long - an entire month and not the best of circumstances.

[Ester Maria]

We do everything - together as a family, DH and I together while kids are vacationing somewhere separately from us, DH with kids, I with kids, DH with one kid and I with the other kid (before the newest one was born), etc. We are quite flexible when it comes to that. DH often takes one kid with him when travels for job (he really travels a lot, so we end up being separated quite a bit).

 

I suppose it works for us and sometimes we really need a break.

[Niffercoo]

Well, sort of. My dh and son go camping alone (with my dad) a couple of times a year and they do an annual fishing trip as well (with my dad and another dad/son from baseball). I have gone on a few trips by myself to run half-marathons and will be doing one (possibly two) marathon trips this year. My mom and I have taken my girls to Disney World by ourselves because my husband and son have no desire to go there, and we love it!

[Peela]

Absolutely yes. More often than we do together.

 

FOr our honeymoon (we got around to getting married when the kids were ages 3 and 5), dh went on a 10 day spiritual retreat, and when he got back, I went on a week long spiritual retreat. Both on the other side of the country. With small kids, that was honestly the best gift we could give each other.

Most of our holidays are spiritually related, and mine at least are mostly retreats. I take a week to do a silent retreat each year.

DH is about to take dd16 to Paris for 10 days- He promised to take her 2 years ago and finally its happening. We couldn't all afford to go.

We have taken holidays together as a family, and dh and I also went to Bali- twice- last year, just the 2 of us. I imagine we will do that more often as the kids are older.

But definitely holidays apart are important for me. I really, really enjoy time apart from my family and husband (even though I love them so much!).

[Mama Geek]

Dh has gone to visit his parents without me and I have gone to visit my parents without him. I don't really consider either of these vacations.

 

I also took a trip with my mom and grandmother about 10 years ago to a place my grandmother really wanted to go and all 3 of us really enjoyed.

[Rhonda in TX]

Yep. I go to the Memphis every other summer to visit my best friend. DH used to go with us, but doesn't anymore. I've also gone on weekend scrapbook retreats without him, but I don't know if that counts. For our 40th birthdays (2 days apart), my best friend and I went on a 5 day cruise together without kids or husbands. We are now planning a trip to Disneyworld for our 45th birthdays next year.

 

DH hasn't gone on any real vacations without us, but he has gone to play with an out-of-town symphony on 3 separate occasions. It involves being gone for a week and staying with friends. While he does get paid for it, he has a blast and it really is a break for him.

[Veritaserum]

Dh isn't fond of traveling, so I take the kids places by myself or with my sister/parents. He does do major trips with us (like Disneyland). My mom and I are planning to take my kids to the East Coast next year. Dh can't take a month off work, so he will fly out for only a part of the trip.

 

ETA: Dh has a hobby that has big events, so he has gone to those by himself or with our oldest dd.

[Cinder]

Not very often. My first alone trip was a year after we'd graduated from college. (We'd been married 1.5 years by then.) I went to visit some friends back at college. Dh couldn't go because of work. My second trip was to visit my brother for his college graduation.

 

When we were both in the military there were many times that we were apart. Sometimes just a weekend, sometimes a couple months. I know that's not vacation, though. :D

 

Dh is more likely to go off with a kid or two. Or three! Last month he took them all to visit his mother for a few days. He'd been wanting to visit for awhile, but it hasn't worked out. This time it did, except I was ill. He decided to take the kids anyway. They had a blast. And I got a quiet house!

[Jennifer3141]

I go to a music festival to hang with my friends with the kids every August and we live without DH. I'm looking forward to the kids being old enough to stay with Dad for that week someday! :)