Tanya in KS Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 So on top of our daughter having cancer, our marriage is falling apart. My husband refuses to go see someone to help us through this terrible time. It is not that he thinks things are great - he just wont go because "he was pyschoanalyze too much as a kid & doesn't want to go through that again EVER." I am starting to see someone today. I do not believe in divorce & believe that we CAN get through this somehow - we just need someone outside the situation to help us through. Thanks for listening..just needed to vent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysparkler Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheCoffeeChick Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. I hope you are able to work everything out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 So on top of our daughter having cancer, our marriage is falling apart. My husband refuses to go see someone to help us through this terrible time. It is not that he thinks things are great - he just wont go because "he was pyschoanalyze too much as a kid & doesn't want to go through that again EVER." I am starting to see someone today. I do not believe in divorce & believe that we CAN get through this somehow - we just need someone outside the situation to help us through. Thanks for listening..just needed to vent I am very glad you are seeking support, help and encouragement during this time. {{hugs}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: Hoping for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: Catastrophic stress such as you are facing is incredibly hard on a marriage. I pray the best for all involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 I am glad you are getting some help/support for yourself! How is you dd doing now? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 will he read a book or look at a website? The marriage builders website has great articles and things you can print out, and it is NOT about finding your inner child or your feminine side or whatever issues he might associate with psychologists. It's just a VERY logical, bare bones approach to making a marriage or other partnership work. The basic idea is that if you associate your spouse with negative things (like illness of a child, paying bills, doing dishes) more than you associate them with positive things (back rubs, TEA, moral support, playing games, watching movies, eating nice meals) then you get into trouble. It talks about the "love bank" where you are always making withdrawals and deposits. Very guy friendly, and really helpful. There are books too. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 If he will watch a video this is a goo summary, and it's under 10 dollars right now. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_basicsdvd.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: It's good to get yourself some help. I pray it's the beginning of change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 So on top of our daughter having cancer, our marriage is falling apart. My husband refuses to go see someone to help us through this terrible time. It is not that he thinks things are great - he just wont go because "he was pyschoanalyze too much as a kid & doesn't want to go through that again EVER." I am starting to see someone today. I do not believe in divorce & believe that we CAN get through this somehow - we just need someone outside the situation to help us through. Thanks for listening..just needed to vent Instead of going to someone official, is there another mature couple that will talk to you over dinner or somewhere casual? Just for support? :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug:I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm glad you are getting the support you need and I'm hoping he will do the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Piaaree Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug: I hope you find the support you need! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: We are here if you need us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Your family is going through such a difficult time, and I applaud you for being the one to try to hold everything (and everyone) together -- I'm also glad you're being proactive and are seeking outside support, because it's so important to take care of your own emotional needs. We're here for you whenever you need to talk. :grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 So sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holdoll Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Praying for your dd and your marriage. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue really helped us. I know of several marriages (one was mine) in which the husband would not go to counseling. One wife moved out and he changed his mind. One wife committed adultery and he changed his mind. One wife committed suicide. He wishes he had changed his mind. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Q Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 I don't' know if my experience with my son's cancer (neuroblastoma) will help you but...feel free to pm me if you would like to talk/vent/whatever :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue really helped us. I know of several marriages (one was mine) in which the husband would not go to counseling. One wife moved out and he changed his mind. One wife committed adultery and he changed his mind. One wife committed suicide. He wishes he had changed his mind. :( I liked Dr. Phil's book too. I like the no nonsense approach. I wanted to also second the http://www.marriagebuilders.com site. Awesome pro-active plan. No wallowing around in childhood issues...just cut to the chase, what can we do TODAY to be happy in our marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. I hope you are able to work everything out. :iagree: :grouphug: Catastrophic stress such as you are facing is incredibly hard on a marriage. I pray the best for all involved. Instead of going to someone official, is there another mature couple that will talk to you over dinner or somewhere casual? Just for support? :grouphug::grouphug: Great idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonor Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Praying for you and your family.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Marriage Builders website was a great help for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug: praying for your famliy, especially Hannah. I cannot even imagine what you have to deal with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 No advice, just :grouphug: and prayers. Wish I could say something to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 It's so stressful to have a sick kid. You are being very wise to go to counseling. You can only change yourself, not your circumstances or anyone else's reactions to them--lots of hugs for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Perhaps if there's a clergyman who he feels comfortable with and who is qualified to do counseling he might be more likely to see someone like that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 So on top of our daughter having cancer, our marriage is falling apart. My husband refuses to go see someone to help us through this terrible time. It is not that he thinks things are great - he just wont go because "he was pyschoanalyze too much as a kid & doesn't want to go through that again EVER." I am starting to see someone today. I do not believe in divorce & believe that we CAN get through this somehow - we just need someone outside the situation to help us through. Thanks for listening..just needed to vent Do you think it would make any difference if you said:" I need help. Will you go with me so I don't have to go alone?" In other words make it sound like you think you are in need of professional help and would he support you by coming along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm know this is hard. I didn't want to go to marraige counseling years ago, because I was convinced dh would not really change, so I would end up spinning my wheels and spilling my guts for nothing. Maybe this is what happened to your dh as a child and doing some good research and picking some one really good could avoid that? Dh, did make changes and I am glad we went, but I just want to say that if you can catch you dh with his defenses down maybe you can find our more about why he doesn't want to go. The key is finding the right moment. I only went because I thought divorce was coming and I would bear the blame in front of my children if I try counseling first. I'm so glad we did it though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: Catastrophic stress such as you are facing is incredibly hard on a marriage. I pray the best for all involved. Yes, this. :grouphug: :grouphug: We are here if you need us. :iagree: Most definitely! :grouphug: again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 :grouphug: Praying, Tanya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tricia Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 So very sorry. I pray everything will work out for you and your family.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patches Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 So sorry. Praying. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 Seems that a lot of mamas of many are struggling right now in their marriages. :( (((hug))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iona Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 I'm so sorry for what you're going through. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Praying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 Instead of going to someone official, is there another mature couple that will talk to you over dinner or somewhere casual? Just for support? :grouphug::grouphug: Seconding this suggestion. Another alternative - do you attend a church? Perhaps he might be more receptive to talking with someone there? I'm a bit like that - I don't have much use for the whole "psychotherapy" stuff. I know for myself I'd be more willing (still a little hesitant, but not nearly as much) to talk with people like the above examples. (Please understand: I'm not knocking YOUR choice to see any sort of professional. I'm just saying that someone who views that the way that your husband does might be a bit more willing to try less "official" alternatives.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 :grouphug: I was the only one ever willing to do any therapy, marriage or otherwise...and it was often enough to get us through. Not because I was the only one who needed help or to learn ways of handling things....but because I learned how to cope and grow, and it was enough to help him shift too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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